


Twisted Fate

by Team_Alpha_Wolf_Squadron



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: M/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-15
Updated: 2019-06-10
Packaged: 2019-06-10 20:48:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 47
Words: 224,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15299721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Team_Alpha_Wolf_Squadron/pseuds/Team_Alpha_Wolf_Squadron
Summary: Loki, brought up on Midgard has only heard stories about the great beings they call Gods. When one raid ends up with him being taken captive, Loki is about to see that the Gods maybe aren't all they're cracked up to be.Neither is he for that matter.





	1. Part 1 In The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> So, I don't know if this is going to get finished. It's already 180 pages long and over 100k words so, hopefully it will. Until then, I hope you like what's been written.

**Part 1**

“Take him!” Was seared into his mind. That voice that had reared him from an infant now betraying him.

He heard it over and over again as the boats set sail. Not in person, his so called mother had been felled almost immediately after the invaders decided to do as she wished. But he heard it all the same. The wind seemed to whisper it when he listened. The skies murmuring it as thunder crashed all around them.

“Thor is angry,” A prisoner said.

“Thor is always angry these days,” Loki whispered back.

It had been thundering the moment the invaders boats had anchored. Loki had thought them visitors at first, come to see the new Jarl. They had certainly been welcomed as such, and dined with civility that spoke of peace.

Yet here Loki was three days later tied up when he wasn’t forced to row.

The visitors spoke much on their journey. They were happy, and why wouldn’t they be with the spoils they had accumulated. Among the scant prisoners were treasures that Loki’s own people had won in raids to the West. Yet sometimes the language they spoke wasn’t the Norse that Loki had grown up with. Nor was it any of the other accented dialects that surrounded Loki’s home. It wasn’t even Wessex, or whatever that strange land called their language. It seemed to be nonsense, or all of languages at once. Loki suspected magic of some kind, it had to be. Which meant these were people favoured by the Gods.

Loki didn’t know if that was a good or bad thing yet. So far, the Gods hadn’t been exactly favourable with his lot in life, he wouldn’t put it past them to have his life planned to be just complete misery with worse and worse events one after another.

“Jotun!” One of his captors called.

Loki kept his head down, praying to whatever God might be listening that they might spare him dying on this boat. At least let him make it to land. Give him a fighting chance with a knife in his hand.

He was roughly pulled up by his hair, that same man leaning close to say pointedly “Jotun.”

Oh, they’d been calling him. “Loki,” he corrected, not sure whether his name would make any difference to these people.

It didn’t, the man grinning back at his friends for some reason before saying pointedly again, “Jotun.” He was let go at least, the man doing his job in getting Loki’s attention. Crouching so they were of a height, the man asked, “Is it true?” The words coming fluidly in the tongue Loki spoke, no longer that of a jumbled mess.

“Is what true?”

The man didn’t wait for an invitation to grab Loki again, this time in a wholly uncomfortable place. Loki knocked the man with his fist before he thought better of it, his strength sending the man backwards, blood already beginning to drip from his nose.

Instead of being angry, the man grinned, his face even more monstrous now the blood he’d wiped just hours before was replaced with his own. One of the others from the rowing pit demanding, “Well?”

“Oh there’s something there,” The bloodied one chuckled. “Whether there’s a cunt too we’ll have to find out when we get back.”

The smile he shot Loki was full of promises. Promises Loki was going to kill himself before he would allow them to be fulfilled.

He tried not to think about why the man would just assume there was something else there the rest of their journey. It wasn’t hard, he was kept too busy to think most of the time. If it wasn’t the rowing, it was the blisters that came from the rowing. If it wasn’t the blisters it was Njord making the waves big and monstrous, threatening to overturn their small vessel any moment. If it wasn’t that, it was the people that were thrown overboard.

Loki had been on raids before, he knew the casualty number that came with transporting slaves back home, the problem was, back then, he hadn’t been the slave. He’d known they felt fear, just as he did, he knew they were human like himself, but being a raider meant that if they were stupid enough to get captured then they deserved to spend their life serving him. Loki had always been able to overpower anyone that came his way, and gladly took what was his because it was his right to. He didn’t ask for much after all, not anymore. Yet here he was, the Gods deciding it wasn’t enough to paint him blue by birth, by stripping him of his manhood by giving him a woman’s opening along with his cock. No, they had to take his freedom too.  It was times like these where Loki seriously wondered if there were Gods at all. If there were, they really hated him.

Five days they were on that boat, Loki growing tired of the waves in a way he hadn’t before. He was eager to get off, to start finding his way out of this mess, figuring he just needed to get a knife and he’d be fine from there.

They docked, only one of the men getting out, scouting, Loki thought, just like his people did. If he wanted to move he would have to do it now while there was still the sense of uncertainty. They wouldn’t follow him, not without leaving the rest of their treasure exposed.

He raised his bound hands slightly, rubbing them along the grooves of his leg. It hurt, the rope rubbing wrong on his wrists and chafing his leg, but it gave, that was what was important.

It didn’t take long before he was sitting there with loose hands. He watched ahead, waiting for the moment where their captors were looking away. There-

He was yanked down before he even got up, Loki miscalculating how many enemies were on this vessel with him as he came face to face with a man he’d previously known as a prisoner. The strength behind the grip betrayed him as an enemy, it was one of the first things Loki had noted about them, their strength. They were able to rip trees apart like they were nothing, Loki too if he gave them reason, and he’d almost given them reason.

The man said nothing, not drawing attention to the others in the boat, just firmly held Loki down and re-tied his hands.

The scout came back before the shock wore off and Loki could try again. Before long, they were setting off, the boat, and the ones behind them, taking a narrow stream through a thick copse.

It seemed to grow tighter on them, tighter, until Loki felt like he couldn’t breathe. This wasn’t a natural stream, he knew it in his bones. There was something of the Gods in it. Swallowing them.

Until it didn’t. It spat them out, Loki almost blind from the brightness that assaulted his eyes. He was too hot. So hot. Why was it so hot?

He felt a different kind of uncomfortableness as he struggled to breathe now, the air too humid for nothing but shallow breaths. His captors were watching him funnily, looking ready to toss him overboard. It struck a fear inside of him so tightly that he righted himself through sheer will, glaring at each of them, just daring them to slit his throat.

His eyes stopped blurring the longer he managed to control his breathing, his eyes adjusting enough that he managed to make out the bright colours that were boring down on him. He’d never seen anything like it. Neither had the others from the way they were staring. Even on their excursions Loki had never seen colours this vivid, it was like he was looking at what the colours should have been. Like, what he had seen at home, his reds and browns, his greens and blues, they were all just a shadowed copy of their true forms. He could scarcely believe it, and the distraction helped him not focus on the heat, which was also a bonus.

“Great Odin,” The prisoner next to Loki muttered. “We must be in Valhalla.”

If they were, Loki was glad he hadn’t felt, or even remembered, his death.

But if they were in Valhalla, then why were their captors here too?

The boats drifted along the sea for a while, the day fading but the colours never losing their potency. Eventually, a great ball of light loomed in the distance. The sun was still high in the sky, and Loki knew it wasn’t that, this was something else too.

It was.

A great big golden city seemed to loom upon them. There were torches everywhere, no, not torches, the reflection of the sun off the shining buildings seemed to illuminate the whole place, Loki’s breath catching again as more and more details became clear to him the nearer they got.

It distracted him, for a moment, that he was being taken here a slave, this was truly a place of the Gods after all. But the ropes binding his wrists reminded him soon enough. As did the muttering of his captors.

The language was still unknown to him, but Loki got a sense of unease off them as the docks came in sight. Especially because there were people waiting for them.

Loki thought, at first, that they had to be the welcome party, here to congratulate their warriors on their successful raid. It certainly looked like the ones Loki had seen. But, the closer he looked, the more he could see the set to these golden men’s shoulders, the hard looks in their beautiful faces. They didn’t look friendly. Loki was starting to wish he would never have to leave this boat now.

They docked with the leader of this vessel stepping onto the waiting wood. He didn’t seem to sense anything wrong, not like Loki, as his arms spread wide as he yelled some kind of greeting to the golden men.

Someone hoisted Loki up before he could see what happened next, his life in those moments leaving the boat one long blurry rush of stumbling.

They were lined up, as was custom, Loki falling in step with the grown men he’d been taken with. He didn’t think he would fetch a hefty price, even in this magical city. His blue skin made people fear him a sinister monster. Superstition whispered around him, even at home, people making warding signs whenever he passed. Then there was the matter of his age. Children never fetched a good price. Never mind that Loki was at least fifty, he looked no older than a five year old and he feared he would never grow bigger. His small arms weren’t good for labour. Nor were his tiny legs. Unless someone to keep him as a pet, there wasn’t much else they could get out of him, and Loki hadn’t forgotten the promise his captor had made, his legs already clenching when he remembered it.

The leader of their raiders didn’t seem to be making much leeway with his welcome party. The grin had gone in favour of a slightly more apprehensive tone, the golden men not seeming to see those they were blocking in. The reason for why became clear when they parted suddenly to let in a rather elderly looking man. Loki was fascinated. The oldest person he’d seen had been his supposed mother, and she hadn’t been half as spry as the one in front of him now. There was strength to this man, one that the old people back home just didn’t seem to possess. Even then, those people were usually younger than the man before him now, the elderly throwing themselves off cliffs before they became a burden to their families. Loki’s mother had only survived because no one else would take him, and he wasn’t about to call the only person to look after him a burden. Not if he wanted to eat.

The man was clad in armour, a spear held aloft and one eye missing. Even without the breathy mutter of “Odin,” Loki knew he was looking at a God.

He fell to his knees with the rest of his people, prayers spilling from his lips of mercy and judgment in his wisdom.

A choked cry had Loki looking up, his captor falling to the ground as Odin Allfather slew him. The guards moved in on the rest of the raiding party, capturing some and killing others. Loki wanted to feel afraid, it wouldn’t be long before he was joining his captors, no mortal would witness Asgard after all and go home, no mortal was worthy. But he didn’t. He felt nothing but satisfaction as the man who grabbed him joined his leader on the ground.

When the killing was done, the men dragged away from the docks, Odin Allfather turned his attention to Loki’s lowly group. Some men were prostrating themselves, the women knowing better had kept themselves back, one of them reaching for Loki, their backs straight as they accepted whatever was in store for them.

The Allfather walked past all of them, looking at them one by one until he lingered on Loki. He hummed low before striding off, a quick flick of his wrist and a low murmur the only warning they got before the remaining guard advanced.

There were screams, Loki trying not to be among them as he held still, waiting for the blade. Yet it was an arm that grabbed him, not steel, it pulled him forwards, dragging him through the golden streets where people, such beautiful people, were standing, watching.

They walked for miles, Loki getting the sense that even the Gods weren’t accepting of a blue child as even these immortal creatures crossed themselves and prayed to Odin for help.

Asgard loomed, its palace walls so different yet the same as how Loki had imagined them in his stories. The golden guards were everywhere here, some of them standing still while others busied about, other people often in tow. Others were here too, ones more lavishly dressed than the people in the lower city. They were most interested in the proceedings, some of them purposefully blocking the guards bringing Loki’s people in and vying for gossip.

Loki was eventually brought to a wide room, the survivors of the raiders here too. They were all lined up, intertwined with one another, all of them being judged together.

Odin sat before them on a throne almost too bright to look at, seated next to him and on the step below what had to be Queen Frigga and Prince Thor, although he was a lot younger than what Loki would have thought him be.

The trial, since it had to be a trial, started with that same nonsense speak, the raiders seeming to get the gist if the way they shrunk in on themselves was anything to go by. Odin asked all sorts of questions, some of them making men cry, some of them leaving them shouting. All of them ended with him stepping from the dias and crouching low before Loki.

He lowered his eyes, as was befitting of looking at a God, Odin tipping him back up with a tap to his chin. “You have a name?”

“Loki,” he said, not even attempting to lie to the Allfather.

“Loki,” Odin repeated, approving of the name. “Tell me Loki, what is your mother’s name?”

“My-?” Loki didn’t think he meant Siv. “I don’t know Allfather. I was found as a child in the woods. The woman that found me thought my real parents had abandoned me because…” Well because the Gods had decided to give them a weak baby not able to care for itself should it grow older. They were kind of right, try as Loki might to sound grown his voice hadn’t even started the journey to deepening yet. Still, Loki didn’t think it right to blame this on the God's, not when one was in front of him.

The Allfather nodded as the silence went on. “This woman found you as a baby did she?”

“Yes Allfather.”

He looked back at Thor thunderer before asking his next question: “And just how long ago was that Loki?”

“About-” He looked around at the others, knowing they knew some of his unnaturalness. It was one of the reasons they had agreed to bring him on raids. They took him with the hopes that they would lose him in a fight, never once thinking that his small stature could be an asset in stealing things. “About fifty winters ago. I know I don’t look it, but I’m a man Allfather, and will gladly die like one.” He wasn’t about to be given a mercy death after all. He wanted to feast in Valhalla like the others as was his right.

Odin hummed again, seeming to consider Loki for a while. When he stood, it was to motion two guards forwards. “Take young Loki to Thor’s chambers. Let him pick out whatever he wishes.” The Norse was for Loki’s benefit he knew, he almost didn’t expect anyone else in this room to understand it.

Yet, “Father!” Thunder boomed, “He’s a Frost-”

“Thor,” Odin boomed back just as loud, his voice softening as Thor pouted down from his anger, “Why don’t you accompany Loki if you’re that worried about what he might choose.”

The little godling was still pouting as he picked himself up and started tottering towards Loki. He wasn’t that much bigger really than Loki, his legs just slightly longer, but there was an air of childishness about him that Loki had long grown out of. He was surprised to see it, this was supposed to be the Mighty Thor. The man who guarded the clouds and fertilized the crops. Who slayed beasts and called lightning to his fingertips with barely a thought.

He looked at Loki the same as the rest of the world however, so Loki could forget trying to befriend one person in Asgard. Usually, children didn’t know that Loki was something to be feared, they gave him the benefit of the doubt, merely thinking him odd. Someone must have informed Thor early on that blue children were unnatural and a bad omen. It was the only reason Loki could think of for why the little boy wasn’t asking him a hundred questions like other children would. That and the fact that Loki was about to take something that was supposed to be his.

Thor’s chambers were rightly befitting a God. They dwarfed the two of them, even the bed that Thor managed to climb up stood taller than him when he stood on the floor. Loki indulged Odin’s wishes, taking stock of the room around him. There were wooden toys on the floor, swords and shields that were just the right height for Thor. Loki considered them for only a moment before moving onto the other things there. The clothes were tempting, Loki’s own ripped in places from the fight and bloodied in others from the long journey. Ordinarily, Loki would have jumped at the chance to take the red cloak hanging out of Thor’s trunk, but with it being so hot here, Loki didn’t think he could stomach it.

Eventually he found something that piqued his interest. There, on the sideboard, was a dagger. It was ornately decorated, jewels inlaid at the hilt. It looked sharp too, and light to the touch as Loki handled it.

It was also roughly slapped out of his grip, Thor huffing, “No,” as he jumped down to pick it up himself. “This is mother’s. You can’t have it.” He held it close to his chest like Loki would take it anyway.

Loki knew he wasn’t above it right now. God or not Thor was a child, if Loki tried he was sure he could outwit the boy and steal the knife for himself. It was tempting enough to try.

But he didn’t, instead, he went in search of anything else he might like to take as a gift.

He wasn’t stupid. He knew they were stalling him. Violence may not be coming his way but something was. Enslavement maybe. They could be planning to release him back home, Loki had heard stories of such things, but Loki wasn’t that hopeful.

Thor stuck to him as Loki started on the adjoining chamber, the knife clutched in his clumsy hands. Here there were other things that Loki took a shine too. Jewels of such beauty he could hardly believe their existence. Gold. Silver. A helmet that would fit right onto his head should he try it. He did, and had it grabbed out of his hands again by an angry Thor. Loki was beginning to get the feeling Thor would be unhappy with whatever Loki picked up. It proved true, and after a while Loki contented himself with sitting still back in the main bedchamber, staring at the door.

They couldn’t mean to leave him here too long. It was almost fully dark, Thor would need to be put to bed soon.

He paced to the window when it did get dark, staring at the luscious garden below. Thor had the helmet on, he’d put it on as soon as he got it off Loki. The knife was still in his hands too, the little boy sitting there like he was a guard himself. When Loki got back, he was informing everyone he could about what the real Thunder God was like.

A knock came, Thor, for the first time, distracted away from Loki. He took his chance, his legs moving swiftly as he vaulted up to the bed, snatched the knife he’d been imagining ways of taking countless ways in the past few hours and darting back to the window before Thor could do more than screech. He climbed out the window, knife in his teeth, and scaled the bricks he’d mapped out. It was an easy descent, the grooves in his palms acting as a sort of grip, never letting him fall. There was a reason no one could out climb him back home.

The grass was just as soft as it appeared from above, Loki not giving himself time to to do more than feel it before he took off just to the left of Thor’s window. He’d seen the trees thicken in this direction instead of lessening out into the beginnings of the city. It would be easier to lose guards in a forest than a city. A city, there was a chance someone would give him over, it wasn’t like he blended in. Not yet.

He ran until his legs could no longer support him. Then he climbed until the branches thinned and he threatened to fall.

He’d just robbed a God. The thought had him stifling manic laughter, the exhaustion of the past week weighing him down until the laugh quickly turned to sobs. He kept as quiet as he could, knowing there was a chance of being heard. He was in the land of the Gods after all.

The land of the Gods!

He clutched the knife close to his chest, never letting it leave his grip as he rocked himself into an uncomfortable nap.

When he woke, all weakness from the night before was gone. This wasn’t the first time he’d been abandoned in a foreign land. The only difference was that this time Loki might not be able to find his way back home. But that was fine. There was nothing back home for him anyway.

Tucking the dagger into his breeches, Loki changed his skin. He’d been able to change his skin colour before he could walk, it was the first thing he’d done as a baby, and for the first few years Siv was happy to believe that Loki was just an ordinary baby, that the colour she’d seen him as first was merely a trick of the moon. When he got older, and the cold started setting more and more into their land, Loki’s skin changed to the blue he usually wore. It was easier living in the cold with his blue skin, he could barely feel it. But it did damn him in the people’s eyes. No longer was he lovable tricky Loki, the boy that never seemed to grow. Instead he was the cursed boy, the changeling that had snuck into Siv’s house, taking the real Loki away. He usually changed his skin on raids, hoping to surprise his enemies when they least expected it by becoming a monster. It was most effective.

Just as it was effective now to shift into his other skin and climb down from his tree.

The heat was easier to bear in this skin. Pale as he was, Loki didn’t fear burning, not in the land of the Gods.

He tried to get his bearings, climbing three more trees before he found a good direction to start walking.

There were a number of things he needed if he was going to survive here. Food, water, shelter and information. The first two would be no problem. Loki was small but he knew how to hunt and how to set traps. Water he could find by following the sea or finding a well. Shelter, he knew the Gods wouldn’t take him in. They would notice his unusualness sooner or later and remember he was the rumoured fifty year old child the raiders had brought back with them. No matter, he would simply make his own.

The city he’d gleamed the night before was even more beautiful in broad daylight. The people didn’t bother him as Loki roamed the paths and walkways, seeing him as just another wandering child as he tried to find Asgard’s water source.

Sure enough, there was a well not far from the palace, the line for it not as long as it should be which meant there must have been another well not far from here. Loki drenched himself in water, not minding the people waiting behind him as he drank his fill and more for his future adventure.

He made a mental note in as he walked, remembering places here and there that may come in handy if he needed to run. He manage to grab some chalk at one point, the white dust helping him keep track in case his memory failed.

Down at the docks he found the last of what he needed, keeping more in the shadows here since these people would have gotten a longer look at him than the ones in the streets.

They were already talking, the language that nonsense again, Loki listening long enough to get a hint of what they were saying. Something about the palace, Odin too. If they had anything to say about the people Loki had left behind he couldn’t make it out.

He stuck around anyway for a while, trying to get a grasp on the language. If he could just work out a bit of what they were saying he knew he wouldn’t be left hopeless.

As midday came and went Loki abandoned the docks in favour of backtracking through the streets. He stole a few things here and there, some cloaks from children, boots to replace his own. He even managed another tunic before fleeing to the woods to start setting up traps.

He hunted with the knife he stole until it got too dark to see, resigning himself to another night of going hungry as he scampered up a tree again to sleep.

The next day he had more success on the hunting front. The day after he managed to steal enough cloth to start setting up a sort of tent. By a week, he was watching the men at the docks making boats, working out how they knocked wood together. Two weeks he was trying it for himself in the woods, his fingers stinging as again and again he knocked them with the rocks he tried to use as hammers. Three weeks and a thunderstorm tested the small shelter Loki set up for himself. Four and he was rebuilding again.

“How much could I get for this?” Loki asked, holding up a bird he’d felled that morning.

The merchant eyed him up, figuring, like the others had, that he was sent here by his parents. “Three coins.”

Loki held back his hiss, three was far too cheap for a bird this fresh. “Five.”

“Two and I won’t rap your knuckles for that attitude.” He thought it was ‘rap’ it could have been something worse. He still wasn’t really that good at the language yet.

“Six and I won’t tell the guards you’re selling dodgy meat. Don’t think they don’t already have their suspicions. Two of them were ill last week after buying a roast that was over five months old.”

The merchant eyed him again, Loki knowing he’d played this right. A parent sending Loki, fair enough, the merchant probably thought he could cheat him and Loki would go home grateful. But by mentioning the guards, an intimate detail of the guards, he was revealing he had a higher status than previously thought. A high born would be more inclined to come back down and ask for their due. “Four.”

Now they were getting somewhere. “Seven and you throw in that week old bird.” It was bigger than the one Loki had, but the meat was quickly going off.

“Five and no bird.”

“Seven and the bird,” Loki insisted.

The man huffed, knowing he wasn’t going to get a better offer for a bird this good from anyone else. It wasn’t like he was one of the royal traders, this man barely saw any hunters, preferring to buy his meat from traders that wouldn’t be able to sell their wares due something or other. “Six and I’ll take the wings off for you.”

The wings would be more than enough to feed him tonight, any more and Loki would be looking at too much wasted meat. “Fine.” He still held the meat until he had his end of the deal, the wings much easier to carry in his little hands.

The coin he put away, filling the waterskin he’d bought from his last trade up at the well before going back to setting his traps.

It was strange, almost every week he could have sworn his traps had been meddled with. He would have suspected a larger animal but the way that the traps had been tampered seemed to suggest that someone, and he was sure it was a someone, had carefully killed his hunt, removed them and reset the trap before Loki could come collect it.

Now once he could have forgiven. Twice was pushing it. But three times, Loki still needed to eat.

He set it up, slipping up into the tree tops. This time he would find them. He’d find them and… maybe extort them for money. At least negotiate some kind of arrangement so he wouldn’t be struggling for food.

It was just before dusk before the fox he’d caught twitched anew as unsubtle footsteps started stumbling through the foliage. Loki perked up, expecting a palace guard, someone who might walk these woods often on patrol. Instead he got a boy just slightly taller than himself.

“It’s here, it’s here!” Thor called, more footsteps following until Allfather Odin and his Queen Frigga were there too.

“A fox,” Frigga awed completely for Thor’s sake as she shared a harsh look with her husband.

“Truly impressive,” Odin complimented, his own approval not as forced as his wife’s. “Now, do you want to bring it home or should I?”

“Me,” Thor grinned, taking the little hammer Odin handed him.

Loki didn’t look, too busy climbing further up the tree in case they happened to look up. Alone, Odin and Frigga started hissing together, the sound travelling up but not so far that Thor would hear.

“How often has he been coming out here?” Odin asked.

“A few weeks. I thought he had gotten lucky when he first came home. Maybe that poor rabbit had just fell and Thor happened upon it.”

Odin said something Loki couldn’t understand, stopping only to look over at Thor for a second, “Still, it is impressive. I wonder who taught him how to make traps like that.”

“Not me,” Frigga insisted. “Maybe one of those little friends you force him with.”

“He cannot stay with you forever Frigga,” Odin sighed.

Thor came bounding back over with his fox, holding it up for Odin to grab while he went back to ‘set’ the trap, “For later,” he grinned, taking the fox again and scurrying back to the palace.

Well, Loki couldn’t negotiate an understanding. Nor could he stay here.

Making sure the Gods were truly out of sight Loki scampered down his tree and to his tent. It didn’t take much to fell it over, Loki grabbing what he could and moving so he was deeper into the forest. It would take a while before he could set up properly again, but Loki was willing to do it. He wouldn’t be found out. He refused.

He moved his traps too, leaving the one Thor had ‘set’. Let the little God try and figure out why the animals weren’t coming anymore, Loki didn’t care. He just needed to eat.

It took another month before he was able to call his shelter stable again. Even then there was always something to do to it. With the structure set, he now had time to get more materials, make it more permanent. He spent more time at the docks than he probably should have, a few of the fishermen recognising him when they saw him. Some of them even shared their lunches, but the familiarity was damaging all the same.

So he left them behind to seek out a different hobby. The blacksmiths was interesting, it helped him with working out how he could make things stronger by adding metal to the wood he was planning on gathering. The seamsters also was helpful, especially because they thought he was cute and invited him in whenever he poked his head through. He didn’t mind being doted on, for a few weeks anyway until familiarity set in. They sewed his clothes for him too.

It granted him a better way of living when he managed to work out how to do it for himself. Before, when he’d been abandoned, it had been more about working out how to get home. But, since he’d got here he hadn’t been able to figure out how to get past through the narrow stream that had brought him here. No one else did too, when Loki subtly asking the people saying the raiders had used some kind of Bifrost. No stream to be heard. There was no way back, which meant Loki had to focus more on living. Something he thought he was doing pretty well with so far.

Before he knew it, winter came and went, spring melting into summer and Loki had been there a year. Another year didn’t make him feel better, it just made him feel old. He still hadn’t grown. He would probably die looking five. A concept that was coming nearer and nearer the longer the years passed.

Fifty one turned to fifty two. Fifty two to, well Sixty.

Ten years Loki had been on Asgard when he saw Prince Thor again.

He had been eyeing up one of the stalls, the coin purse at his side aching to buy the sweet cakes that always melted in his mouth. The only problem was they were overpriced and Loki also had his eyes on another dagger he fancied buying. It wasn’t anything like the one that belonged to Queen Frigga. But Loki felt bad about using it every time he did for mundane things. A dagger like that should be used in combat, not for trying to cut up a skin to make a new blanket. Loki needed a simple everyday dagger.

But those cakes…

He would have to do with Queen Frigga’s dagger for a while longer. It wasn’t like he was desperate for it. Really, Loki was just kidding himself if he thought he would be able to use a new dagger for another ten years. Sixty was pushing how long he should have already lived, he was feeling the weight of expectant death any moment.

So Loki counted out the coins he needed and tried to push his way to the front of the throng. He made sure his hood was up, head down in case someone recognised him. He’d tried, about a few years ago, to change his appearance again, maybe his hair colour. He’d gotten it half way before he gave up and changed it back to black. Whatever magic allowed him to change his skin seemed to stop at just that. It felt untrained as he tried to do it elsewhere, like something would go wrong at any moment and he would be stuck that way. He didn’t want to be stuck, and a cloak was a small price to pay. He figured if he was still around in another five years he would go in search of some kind of runework in Asgard to help him with his appearance, for the Gods were bound to have the answer to his problems.

Loki reached the front, holding his coins up to show he meant business. He just had the merchant’s attention before something blonde and pushy knocked him down.

“Thor!” Came Queen Frigga’s voice.

“Here mother.” The prince was already pointing to the last honey cakes on the stand.

Loki would have felt cheated had he not been struck stupid. Thor- Thor hadn’t changed. He was exactly as Loki remembered him ten years ago. His size was still the same, his face, his voice. He didn’t look older than last Loki had seen him.

He was the same.

He was the same!

Maybe Loki wasn’t so freakish after all.

“Thor, how many times do I have to tell you to watch where you’re going. You’ve knocked this poor boy down.” Gentle arms were helping him up before Loki could scramble back. They dusted him off and set his cloak right too. “There,” Queen Frigga said, “Now let’s see your hands? And you will apologise,” She said to Thor.

“Sorry,” Thor mumbled over a honey cake, handing over the coin Frigga gave him to the merchant.

“Again Thor, and mean it.” Loki got his coin purse back at some point. He couldn’t take his eyes off Thor.

The boy swallowed at least before saying sorry again.

“It’s fine,” Loki squeaked. He remembered himself then, how dangerous it was to be with these people. If the age thing wasn’t a problem what could be was the familiarity of his features. Already Frigga was scrutinizing him.

Loki hoped he wouldn’t be struck down as he ran. It was rude, he knew, to just leave the Queen like that without so much as a thank you. But Loki did not intend to be captured by these people again.

So he looped and ran, ducked and hid until night fell and he stumbled back to his little house.

Despite the fact his heart was racing Loki couldn’t help but laugh as he lay his head down. He wasn’t wrong. He wasn’t! If Thor was still a child then maybe Loki was too. They had always said Loki was wrong, maybe he wasn’t, maybe he was just a fallen God. It wasn’t that far fetched. He had powers others did not. He looked different too. Surely there must be some God in Asgard with skin like his.

Whatever the case, Loki wasn’t dying anytime soon. He wasn’t even an adult. It gave him a new direction in life. New opportunities. Ones he wasn’t going to squander trying to merely live anymore.


	2. Chapter 2

Of course, it was hard for a child to find a job. That’s what he was to them and that was the way he would stay, it would seem, for a while. The trading he did helped put coin in his purse however, so Loki didn’t have to worry about going hungry. It also helped him buy that dagger he now knew he could live long enough to appreciate.

With time on his hands Loki started devoting it to a number of things. One, he still wanted to find that stream that led back to his homeworld. To do that, Loki would need a boat. He would also need people to steer that boat, people that wouldn’t be as glad to sail with a child as his own people were. 

The boat he dedicated days to going back to the docks to watch the builders. He hurt his hands numerous times the days afterwards trying to replicate what they did. But Loki figured if he could build himself a hut, he could build a boat. It would just take time. 

The other thing he dedicated himself to was finding someone similar to himself. He didn’t have hopes of finding his parents. Whoever they were obviously didn’t want him. But if he could just find someone similar, ask them questions about why is the way he is, then maybe his existence would make a bit more sense. 

He tried all corners of Asgard, even venturing to the foothills that lay to the mountains one week, but so far he couldn’t find anyone with blue skin. 

It only occurred to him that they might be obscuring themselves like Loki as he was washing himself in the river on the way back. If that was the case, then perhaps it was best Loki stop asking. He remembered the same way the people here treated him to back home. How they stared like he was something to be reviled. If they were keeping hidden it was for good reason.

The last thing that Loki decided to pursue now he had a limitless life span was that of his skin changing. He could feel it within himself that there was the potential to do more. Changing skin could lead to changing shape. Changing shape to other things. Things he thought only the Gods could do before now. The wise thing to do would be to delve further into Asheim, to leave Asgard behind and come back when he was older. There were probably magic users in all corners of the God’s realm. 

Yet when he journeyed to the foothills again he didn’t go over them. Instead he turned back, like something in his veins told him that running away was pointless if he was going to be back within the week. Which he would have been he realised as he lay in his hut. He didn’t like not knowing something. This was the capital of the God’s realm, if anything was going to happen then news would reach here first. Whether that be problems the people were having or news of a stream he was searching for. 

Magic then, he would have to seek in Asgard.

When he asked, the people answered him much the same, that magic was primarily studied by healers. It was easy to get a location from them. Not so easy to get in. It seemed magic was a woman’s craft. Not once when Loki managed to get his foot inside the door did he see a man, which was why they tried to turn him away.

When he came back again and again however, they sent him away for different reasons. He was too young. His parents should be the one to bring him. It wasn’t an easy thing to do, Loki would probably get bored. 

Yet persistence paid off, as the next time he knocked the woman on the other side took one look at him, beckoned him in and made an arrangement with him.

“Okay, if you can perform a simply spell I teach to all of my beginners we’ll see about giving you some lessons.” 

Fine by him. More than fine actually.

She sat him down, showing him how to conjure light, actual light, in his own hand. It took him less than a morning to get it, the delay mainly because he’d never used that little fire inside of him to do anything more than skin change. The healer looked impressed, which he took as a good sign, even if she did send him home with a worried tone.

They welcomed him back the next day however, with a less harried tone, sitting him down and making him go through a large ‘book’ that was said to contain spells. 

Loki tried to understand it. Really he did, but the splotches on the page didn’t make any sense to him. He remembered, on the raids, that the Wessex folk, the Northumbrians too, they had ‘books’ like these. They used them for writing information about their God down. He wished he had paid more attention when the priests were talking about them because Loki didn’t even know how to begin deciphering this thing. 

Eventually he had to go on the images, the healers not seeming to notice that Loki had not actually read the book as they demonstrated the spell they wanted him to do anyway. It seemed, since he was able to pick them up quite quickly, he was a fast learner.

It didn’t take long for him to surpass the teachings they had at their disposal. Loki devoured everything they gave him with a speed and recollection that had them talking about maybe getting him some practical experience within two years. 

They decided against it, because of his age, but that didn’t stop them from asking Loki to help with spells if it was one of the healers themselves, not their patients, that were in a spot of bother. 

He was healing one of the girls that had burned herself on a potion when he heard the others in the next room talking about him.

“She wants to meet him,” Ingrid said.

“She’ll have to want,” Hilde insisted.

“She is the Queen. I am not telling the Queen she’ll have to want. It’s only for a short while. She’s just curious, and what’s the harm, really? He’s a child, she’s not going to hurt him.”

“He’s a outsider we’ve been sharing magic with. We don’t know whose child he is, where he lives. We know nothing about him other than his name. It’s cause for concern. She might have us investigated. In fact, I‘m not sure this isn’t an investigation,” Hilde said, her tone sounding like she herself was starting to question how good an idea it was to take Loki on.

“If it is, we’ll just hand the boy over. Like you said, we don’t know him. He’s not one of us. It’s better than telling her no anyway.”

So the matter was settled. 

Loki considered not turning up when Queen Frigga would be there. He had planned on it too. The only problem was that he didn’t know when she was coming. Staying away for the whole week eventually seemed like the best plan, Loki catching up with his boat watching in the meantime. Yet, when he turned up, bright and early, that next Monday, there Frigga was, waiting patiently by the hearth. 

“So, you are the famous Loki?” She asked, no guards surrounding her to take him away. 

The healers had already moved in behind him, getting on with their day. It would be suspicious to leave now, like an admittance of guilt. He wasn’t even sure she knew who he was, she was smiling after all, no one who saw him as that blue boy would smile like that.

“Yes Queen Frigga.”

He moved closer, taking a seat when bid. He wasn’t sure, when watching her, but Loki could have sworn she looked excited when she leaned forward. “Ingrid tells me you like magic. That you have a talent for it even.”

“Yes Queen Frigga,” Even after all these years the shock of seeing the Queen of the Gods in person hadn’t worn off. He felt his palms sweating just looking at her. 

“Can you show me?”

He took his hand, holding it aloft and conjuring the light from his first lesson. The Queen watched as Loki added his own twist to it, the light turning from white to green and breaking off to slither in the form of a snake around his wrist.

“That is a talent,” Frigga complimented. “Tell me Loki, why do you want to learn magic?”

He shrugged before forgetting it was rude, “I have it. And it’s useful. It seems a shame not to learn about it.”

“You’re very bright for someone so young.” She looked him over, her lips pursing for a moment before gentling into a smile again. “Now Loki, I have a very special proposition for you, one I think you’re going to like. Up at the palace I take time in my gardens to sit around and, well, being very bored. If you would like, I could use that time to teach you some more magic. Magic that’s a bit more creative than the likes you are to find in the healing house.”

“You want to teach me magic?” It seemed surreal that this was his life. Frigga’s magic was obviously legend. With her teaching Loki didn’t know what he would be able to do. 

“I would very much like to if you do.”

He felt himself nod, Frigga not wasting time anymore now she had her answer. She told him the time of day to meet her, just who to ask at the palace to take him to her. She even gave him a sheet of that weird sheep skin with writing on to give to his parents should they ask where he was going. 

He was meeting the Queen of Asgard to be taught magic. Things like this shouldn’t happen to blue boys.

Yet they did. 

The next day, he was led without question by the guard he found to a garden he’d only glimpsed at twelve years ago. Frigga was waiting for him underneath a canopy of white flowers, that same gentle smile on her face as she led him through the copse and told him the fundamentals of what she wanted to teach him.

Five years later he could indeed change his shape like he always thought he could. It wasn’t anything spectacular yet, just a cat that immediately got picked up by a passing courtier. He’d never seen Frigga laugh so hard as he did when she attempted to get him back. 

“It’s not funny,” he pouted, comfortable enough around her now to cross his arms to show just how much he wasn’t finding this funny. On real adults Loki knew this looked intimidating. To him, in his tiny body, he probably looked cute from the way Frigga was still chuckling. 

“Oh Loki. It’s fine. As you grow your animals will too. And we probably should have been more careful with our choice of animal. Freyja has been around my gardens far too much lately.” And everyone in Asgard knew of her love for cats. 

He still pouted, but it softened as Frigga told him to try again, this time making sure that Freyja was nowhere to be seen as he shrunk down into a tiny black kitten again. 

He’d learnt, in the years Frigga had been teaching him, a lot about himself. At first it had been gentle questions, ones he thought he could get away with. Lately he’d just been asking about everything, knowing Frigga would just put it down to childlike curiosity. 

His growth had been one of the main things he’d been wondering about, Frigga surprised for all of three seconds before explaining the maturing process of Aesir children. Apparently they grew one for every ten mortal years in their first roughly five immortal years of life. After that, the aging slowed, Loki was looking to be changing into a man around his two hundred mark, completing that at about three, and from there the process slowed even further, sometimes stretching to millennia depending on the person. It was a long time to live, a long time to mature, Loki honestly didn’t know what he was going to do until he would be considered man enough to be taken seriously. 

Frigga did since she asked him if he wanted to stay for supper again. He declined, as usual, inventing some made up parents around the third week mark that got him out of attending meals with the other members of the royal family. Tonight it was Loki helping his father put up a new wall in their home, Frigga wishing him luck as he tugged his cloak back on and strolled out of the palace. 

Two hundred years, in actual fact seemed like a long time when living it. Yet, when Loki got to the other side he felt like it had flown by.

He’d grown, as promised, his limbs lengthening out until he resembled the teenagers from back home on Midgard. His hair was finally longer too, and while his voice still hadn’t deepened Loki was content with changes that had affected his body for now too much to be all that upset with it. Especially since he didn’t need it to be deep to cause mischief.

“I heard they used a secret passage into Midgard,” He imitated, the blonde he was mimicking still making eyes at the girl in the corner. “I heard that too,” He said his other mark’s companion. “And that they found treasures we’d never seen before.”

The big man slammed his ale down, Loki stopping himself from flinching only at the last moment. It wasn’t a sign of aggression, he told himself, they all did it. “Treasure?” The man scoffed, “If that were true then why aren’t we all setting sail for Midgard?”

“Midgard?” The blonde asked, finally tuning in. “What are you on about Midgard for?”

“You just said that Erik found a secret passage into Midgard. You know, before Odin struck him down for treason.”

The blonde nodded, seeming confused with the conversation but happy to continue it. It was usually how these things went, their curiosity overriding their inane sense that something wasn’t right here. “If that were true Odin would have sent us there years ago.”

“That’s what I said.”

They weren’t that much older than Loki, really, that was why he’d chosen them. Had they been on Midgard, Loki would have guessed the oldest to be reaching his late teens. 

“Then why are we even talking about it?” The blonde asked, “It’s not like we’re going to get there. If it’s true that they found a secret passage then perhaps it’s also true that this was the reason they were struck down. I’m all for adventure, but if we come back successful I do not want my head taken because I unknowingly defied Odin.”

Loki scowled, passing these three up to another lost cause. It was all the same, everyone he tried seemed to think that it wasn’t a big enough gamble to even try to find this mysterious passage. Loki would like to think that even if he wasn’t planning on ditching them when he got on the other side that he would have at least investigated it. Odin be damned, this was a novelty that few had probably ever used before. 

He was still upset by the time he reached the palace. He’d gambled away some time he should have been spending learning magic on those three buffoons. They were adventurers, warriors that were said to have sailed all across the nine realms. Yet when it came to an adventure that Loki wanted, they turned chicken. He wasn’t sure if Odin planned his fate out anymore, but some kind of God was making his life difficult.

Thankfully, Frigga was used to Loki turning up late every now and then. She gave him a stern look, but that was all as she led him through the garden to their usual practice spot. 

These days he’d been learning mostly on his own, Frigga there as only a guide should he try something too advanced too soon. Around the tenth year of their study together Frigga had introduced him to the royal library. It was a wonderful place full of magic if someone knew where to look. But Loki didn’t. He thought, if he hadn’t had to waste so much time learning to read, that he would have been more advanced now than he was. Still, Loki can’t deny he fully hated those months. Frigga had let him sit on her knee and fed him cakes, and she never told him off if he didn’t understand something he should. 

She was a good teacher. A good mother, Loki thought at night when he was alone. But she wasn’t his.

“Thor has it in his mind that he’s going to be journeying to other realms any day now,” Her hands were deftly plaiting his hair as she spoke. It was the way of things when she got bored just sitting there. Loki didn’t mind it, he learnt a lot about the palace this way. Thor especially since he seemed to be drifting further and further away from his mother as manhood took him. “Odin doesn’t see the trouble behind it. I’ve heard him asking some of the warriors if they might like to care for Thor on their next state visit. He doesn’t understand Thor’s still a child. Just because he’s proficient in the ring that doesn’t mean he can hold his own in a real fight. He still only comes up to my ribs.” She moved on to another strip of his hair. “I suppose I should be happy with the time I do have with him. Just as your mother probably is. Have you thought anymore about what you’re going to do Loki?”

He kept his place, knowing he was going to have this conversation sooner or later. “Actually, I thought about asking if I could join the warriors ranks. Maybe be a guard.” It was the best paying job in the kingdom, he’d looked. Since it was so dangerous to even train in the royal keep the families were paid a substantial sum as a sort of wereguild that got steadily more well paying as the dangers increased. Loki figured, if he was eventually going to be returning to a life of hardship anyway, he might as well learn how to fight. Fight properly that was, he still wouldn’t call himself exactly helpless after all. 

“So you’re going to be leaving me too,” Frigga lamented, softening it with a chuckle as she felt Loki still, “I’m not serious Loki. I think it’s a fine ambition to have. If it is what you wish then I will even put a good word in for you.”

“Thank you.” So far all Loki knew was that the novices started training in two weeks. He’d been reluctant to even volunteer his name, knowing some people just turn up on the day. He figured if he was really going to do it he wouldn’t have the shame of being the one to not show up. If Frigga was putting in a good word however, well, he’d have to show up now. 

“Besides, at least this way I can see more of you. Don’t think because you’re going to start training we’re not going to be having our lessons.”

“Never.” Actually he had thought that, but since it wouldn’t be a problem he was feeling better about showing up.

The weeks flew as they usually did. Before long he was standing on a sandy training field with a load of other boys staring down a warrior that looked more scar than flesh.

The women, he knew, trained with the Valkyries, something he wished he was doing right now. He doubted their training leader was this terrifying to look at. Then again, he had seen some women in his time here that would prove that statement otherwise.

They were split into groups, Loki noticing that he was put with the more  _ slender _ boys. From there, well, Loki was starting to rethink this whole volunteering thing. Loki could see that the trainer didn’t think much of Loki’s group, to him, he had his warriors in the more promising boys, the ones whose shoulders were already hardened or fists talked about by the other children. He didn’t have the patience to wait while someone of Loki’s stature figured out how to even hold a sword. So his goal from day one was to drive them all home seeking other professions.

Unluckily for him, Loki wasn’t about to give up easily. 

His partner alternated from day to day, depending on just how badly Loki outsmarted them the day before. While these boys had their strength, they didn’t have the experience Loki had. They didn’t know what it was like to be stuck in a five year olds body, a full shield in one hand and sword in the other. They didn’t know the best places to cut when you were small and quick, or the best way to take a weapon while their opponent was attacking. Loki had been fighting for years before these boys even knew what a real sword looked like, and since coming to Asgard he was glad to know he still remembered how to move. 

It came more easily to him now, his limbs finally able to hold a good weapon. They made him quicker too, the way to the ground longer, but Loki could make it. He always made it. 

His time living on his own helped too. Especially when he was given a knife. Even the trainer had to admit that Loki was a force to be reckoned with when he had a knife in his hands.

“Ow,” he hissed. One of the downfalls of doing so well that Loki was given tougher opponents as the day passed. Today it had been an actual teen from one of the higher classes, and they hadn’t been so uncoordinated as Loki’s peers. 

“Hold still,” Frigga instructed, keeping his chin in a vice like grip as she lathered another poultice on his cheek. “If this were someone else I would ask you to heal it.” Alas Loki’s magic didn’t do that well on himself. He could heal his wounds, his magic fastening the process, but the speed in which he could heal another would always be faster than on himself. He couldn’t ask Frigga to heal him either. It just didn’t feel right that he should get special treatment from the Queen when the others didn’t. That didn’t stop her from bandaging him up anyway. “Sigurd tells me you’re doing well for someone of your… age.”

“Stature,” Loki corrected. “I know I’m skinny.”

“It’s not that you’re skinny,” Frigga said, not denying that she indeed didn’t mean his age.

“It’s that I look weak, I know.”

“Loki,” she admonished.

“It’s fine,” he hurried before she could try and counter that with some other half compliment. “I know I don’t look like a warrior. I don’t mind it either. It makes them underestimate me.”

That got him a smile, Frigga’s fingers less harsh as she started on the cut on his arm. “Your mother must be worried sick about you in any case. I’m bad with Thor and he’s, bigger, than you. She must fear you’re never returning every time you step foot outside.”

“She’s…” He tried to think of a good response. It was always hard when he was thinking for his supposed parents, like he had to step into their roles otherwise he’d be found out. “She worries, but she lets me go. I think she probably figures I’ll use my magic if something truly bad happens.”

His words didn’t mount suspicion so Loki thought he’d gotten away with it. 

Training soon got from okay to worse quite quickly. The head of Loki’s training decided that since he couldn’t get rid of Loki the usual way, he was going to rack up the pain until Loki was either killed or seriously injured enough to never be able to pick up a sword again.

He was made to train with full blown warriors, men who were told from the beginning not to go easy on him. Loki barely scraped by on his first few days. After that, despite the rise in injury, he was able to get his mind working again on figuring out how to survive this mess. He’d managed to fight full grown men before, he could do it now. So, while he wasn’t fighting, he was watching, he was cataloguing his opponents moves and finding weaknesses in areas he kept exposed. He was scraping by the skin of his teeth and when he won, he was forced to hold his shield until his arms dropped.

When it came to his magic lessons there were times he was too tired to do anything but sit there and let Frigga plait his hair. He made an effort to try and look like he was reading, but his eyes just weren’t seeing. 

He fell asleep like that one day, waking when a voice that cracked like Thunder shouted, “Mother!”

His head was buried in a soft dress, the rhythmic stroking lulling him back to his nap as Frigga hissed, “How many times must I remind you to be mindful of your surroundings?”

Footsteps crunched nearer their spot, the grass under Loki’s hands telling him he at least hadn’t crawled into Frigga’s lap. “Sorry mother. But father told me to come get you. I think the Odinsleep is almost upon him.”

His head was gently lifted and placed on the soft grass, Frigga hurrying away. If Loki had the strength, he’d be wondering just what the Odinsleep was, as it was, he was trying very hard not to fall asleep again. 

Struggling to his elbows, it took longer than it should for him to realise not both parties had hurried back to the palace. Thor had changed in the years between Loki last seeing him. He’d filled out like one of the promising boys on the training field, and unlike last time, when the age between them was hard to judge, Loki could see Thor had a good few decades on him. 

He was also a little perturbed if the glare was anything to go on. “Is my mother’s bosom to your satisfaction then?”

Loki stood, staring Thor down, he was looking for a fight, Loki could feel it, and right now he didn’t have the strength to give it. He was also self aware enough to remember there was a reason why he had always declined when Frigga asked if Loki wanted to spend more time around her and the rest of the royal family. “I did not mean to cause any offence. I merely fell asleep.”

He’d been expecting something else since Thor was quick to try pushing again, “Well offence has been made. She is the Queen, you should not be taking liberties where there are none.”

“Again, I’m sorry if it seems that way, but I haven't. I just come here to take lessons, that’s all.” With no fight in sight, Thor deflated from his imposing stance, the air around him settling. Loki tried his luck, asking, “If you have no more need of me I should be going. My mother will be worrying.”

Thor left before him, stomping his way back to the palace. It felt like every step seemed to shake the earth, imposing more fear into Loki as he wondered if somewhere on Midgard it was thundering. 

Loki was told the next day that his lessons had been cancelled, a guard pulling him aside after he’d been beaten bloody to say that the king had indeed fallen into the Odinsleep. Frigga was now regent by default. 

It took little to find out just what the Odinsleep was. It was some kind of self preservation technique that allowed Odin to maintain the level of power he still had in his age. He would be gone for a number of days, a week at the most, which meant that Loki was left to his own devices now his afternoons had freed up.

He thought his wounds would have him hunkering down back home the rest of the day, but after just one day doing that Loki was bored. Instead, as the next afternoon dawned, Loki, tired but not catatonic yet, he set out to the market, deciding to get his trades done early and maybe cause some mischief while he was there. 

The fishermen were happy to see him, some of them asking him if he wanted to join them some time after seeing his bruises. It wasn’t the first time they had asked. Loki had even considered the life of a fisherman just to understand the making and mechanics of a boat, but the pay didn’t cover what he would have liked. What he needed, really, to fund his little excursion back to Midgard. The men and women had remained adamant however, that Loki was always welcome to change his mind if he so chose. 

He helped them tie knots anyway that first day. His fingers were restless and rumour had broke out amongst the people that there was a best lurking in the sea. Loki figured if anyone knew the truth it would be those who actually spent time on the water. 

The afternoon after, Loki spent it attending his boat. It wasn’t much to look at, really for over a hundred years in the making it was shabby. But Loki loved it. The wood was sturdy, not to mention it floated when he pulled it to test it out. The sail was holes in parts from age, but stitched with care so that it too did its job. It would do to take him home. 

The fourth day Loki was beaten so bad he did have to take a day to himself. He had no other choice really. He made it home at least, before he passed out, and since his magic healed him overnight he wasn’t too beat up come the next day. He probably should have been however, since he came off it worse then. It seemed his trainer still wasn’t satisfied that Loki could keep up, he seemed personally antagonised every time Loki crawled his way back onto the grounds. It got to the point they weren’t even trying to injure him anymore. They didn’t want him coming back, so fatal wounds it was. The only problem was Loki had been fighting off fatal wounds since day one. If they were going to employ this tactic it should have been a sudden thing. Really, the only thing that changed was the size of the vein that kept thrumming in Sigurd’s head as Loki dodged another blow with an axe.

The fifth day Frigga sent a guard to come get Loki. Odin was awake which meant their lessons were resuming. The reminder that Frigga had interest in Loki had Sigurd taking it easier on him, the wounds not as bad as they had been as Loki limped his way to Frigga’s garden. He’d never been so relieved in his life. Especially when she started plaiting his hair again, he’d never noticed before how such a simple action could just calm the whispering in his mind. 

He felt like he was living a dream the next week, appreciating more than ever Frigga’s presence as things kept at a tolerable level. That wasn’t to say he wasn’t still tired. More often than not Loki found himself waking from an unexpected nap, Frigga not saying anything on it other than Loki should get going before it got dark. 

“Honestly,” Startled him out of his nap today, Frigga huffing above him, her eyes fixed on something in the distance. Noticing he was awake, she patted his cheek in apology. “This is the fourth time this week Thor’s been lurking. Did you two have a fight when I left?”

He turned, catching the unsubtly blonde head peeking out from behind the corner. “Not that I know of.” Remembering where he was however, Loki shuffled himself away, picking up the book he’d abandoned. “Perhaps he has need of you but does not want to disturb our lessons.”

“Thor’s never been tactful before. If he wanted my attention he’d just ask for it.” Loki couldn’t help feel a pang of jealousy at the fond way she always spoke about Thor, even when she was commenting on his less than princely behaviour. 

It was something no one had ever done for him. Not even Siv. 

She waved over at Thor, the blonde head disappearing as the prince realised he’d been caught. “Are you sure he didn’t say anything to you? There must be some reason he’s suddenly following me around like a shadow.”

She was right about that. Now Loki noticed it, every time they had their lessons Loki would see Thor somewhere in the garden. He didn’t even try to hide after a while. In fact, sooner than Loki would have thought Thor was sitting next to his mother when Loki came for his lesson. 

He was laying on her lap, Frigga doing intricate knots in his hair that used to be in Loki’s. The smug look upon his face told Loki the whole reason Thor had been stalking them. Jealousy. It was to be expected. Thor was a prince, not to mention an only child. He hadn’t seen Loki before, that he knew of, and to find him lying on his mother’s lap, being far too familiar with her, was bound to bring out some childish possessiveness. 

Frigga seemed happy to indulge him.

“Thor was thinking about joining us today.”

“I have magic too,” He said, eyes never leaving Loki. “It seems only right I learn how to harness it.”

Lesson may have been an excuse to get onto Frigga’s lap, but Loki didn’t think Thor had thought his mother would take the request as seriously as she did. While Loki was allowed to read his book, Frigga hoisted Thor off her lap and tried to teach him beginners magic. He started to get frustrated after the first few attempts.

Yet he was still there the next day, like he was showing Loki he wasn’t going to let this go. He still didn’t get the hang of the simple spell as the week ended. 

“Why are you always bloody?” Thor asked one afternoon.

“Because he’s training to be a warrior,” Frigga answered for him. “Maybe one of your guards one day.”

Thor didn’t look too pleased about that, appraising Loki over again, “Him? But he’s-”

“Thor,” Frigga warned. “Loki is very capable of holding his own. Sigurd has been praising his skills in fact.”

Doubtful, but it piqued Thor’s interest enough to get another look over. “Wait, you’re not the runt are you?”

“Probably,” Loki admitted, sure he’d heard that word being thrown around every now and then.

“Huh,” Thor huffed, “I would have thought you’d be more bloody by the way he talks about you. Why are you even still trying?”

“Thor,” Frigga warned again. “Loki has just as much right as you to be there. Don’t discourage him.”

“I’m not, but he’s obviously not going to survive as a warrior.”

Loki bristled, he’d survived being a warrior before, he could survive it now. “And what would you know about it? You’re not even allowed on quests. You have no right to be judging me.”

“I’m the prince, I have every right.” A boom of thunder reminded Loki just who he was talking to, making him settle down. 

The thunder cut off as Frigga pulled Thor up, she made some excuse to Loki as she dragged Thor towards the palace. He didn’t hang around, knowing she wasn’t coming back today. 

When he came the next, Thor was there again, but this time he was quiet, resentfully so. Loki had done something else to mark him out from his mother’s odd little student, and for that Loki was just waiting for the time Thor would try to assert himself again.  At first, Loki thought himself paranoid. Thor wasn’t really that upset because he’d been dragged away. But then, he hadn’t just been dragged away, he’d been made to look weak in front of a boy he’d already considered an enemy. Thor had his power taken away, because of Loki, and for that, paranoia didn’t really exist as Loki started seeing Thor almost everywhere he went. 

He showed up at the training grounds first. Watching with Sigurd as Loki was put against more and more warriors. He started following Loki when he had his days off, appearing when Loki was making his trades, even chancing following him to the woods. Loki managed to loose him there, over a hundred years of roaming these trees Loki knew them better than Asgard itself.

It didn’t stop Thor from finding him the next day and trying all over again. It also didn’t stop Thor from being tenacious enough to ignore every instinct inside of himself that told him to keep out of the woods and eventually find where Loki lived. 


	3. Chapter 3

It happened one morning when he walked out to find Prince Thor staring at him from a tree. “This is where you live?” With just the two of them the quiet tone carried through the silent wood.

“Not anymore.” He would have to move now Thor had found it. 

The Prince strode forward after a moment, circling it, not for the first time since there were already footprints around Loki’s hut. He stopped in front of Loki an almost bashful look on his face as he said, “You don’t have any parents do you?”

“I do,” Loki argued. Somewhere in the nine realms he had to have parents. It was just that said parents didn’t want him and he was now living alone. So Loki wasn’t lying. 

Thor cottoned on, wiping away some speculation Loki had on whether the prince was an idiot. “But they’re not here are they. I bet when you tell my mother you’re going home they’re not here either are they?”

“That’s none of your business.” 

“It’s my mother’s,” Thor countered, Loki’s blood turning cold. “She deserves to know.”

He had to look down to make sure his hands were still pink as he realised what Thor intended to do. He would tell Frigga, she would find out that Loki had been lying to her. If he was capable of lying to her about this she would wonder what else he had been lying about. He would be questioned, his motives asked about. They would find out he was from Midgard. Somehow he knew they would. 

“Fine,” Loki heard himself say. “Tell her.”

He walked away, further from the city and towards the stream where his boat lay. He heard crunching, Thor following. Loki paid it no mind. He should have done this a long time ago. It wasn’t like he really needed help now did he?

He did the checks mechanically, making sure everything would work. He had food already stored, Loki making sure to change it out monthly. First because he’d hoped that someone would take his bait sooner or later. Now he just did it out of habit. 

“Wait,” Thor grabbed him, “What are you doing? Is this a boat? You’re not leaving.”

“You’re going to tell your mother,” Loki said. 

“What does that have to do with anything?” 

He pushed the boat with some effort into the stream, his magic keeping it from bumping the shallow rocks as he hopped aboard. The oars he’d carved lay in their ports, ready to be tossed overboard to do their duty. Loki left them for now to grab the sail, the oars would be of no use until he got into deeper water. 

He conjured wind to move it forward, the trees slowly passing him by and making the blonde head of the Mighty Thunderer grow smaller and smaller. It was okay, Loki told himself. It would be fine. He’d always wanted to go back. Some things would be different there. A hundred years had passed after all. But Loki was sure he would be able to figure out his place. He wondered if any of his things survived the attack. The small shield one of the warriors had painstakingly carved for him on one of their voyages. He hadn’t lasted long, the others believing it was his favour of Loki that caused him to be so unlucky in battle. Loki didn’t really blame them for thinking that right now. How could he? His life was just as unlucky.

The stream widened to a river, the trees finally opening out. A few hours and he’d be on the sea, he knew if he just found the right side of Asgard he’d be able to work out which direction to start looking.

“Wait!”

Thor wasn’t where Loki had left him. If he were Loki wouldn’t be able to see him at all. Instead, the prince was running along the riverbank waving his hands wildly to get Loki’s attention. 

“Wait!” 

He didn’t, his magic setting out to the oars, all of them slotting into place and rowing with speed that men wouldn’t be able to match up. Thor quickly fled out of sight again. 

For a short while. 

Loki supposed one didn’t become a God unless there was good reason. For Thor, he was strong, Loki could see that with every leaping bound he took. The ground didn’t even seem to be touching him anymore, and with one great jump Loki watched as Thor actually made it to the side of the boat. 

It rocked greatly with Thor’s momentum, water threatening to fill and upturn them. Loki alternated between pushing Thor off and pulling him on when his attempts to do the former only had Thor upsetting them more.

Safe in the dry wood, Loki called the oars to a stop. He’d have to go back now. Damn Thor. 

“What were you thinking? Did you even know you could make that jump?”

“No,” And here Thor let out a chuckle, the reality of what he’d done setting in and making him giddy. “But I couldn’t let you go. Mother would kill me.”

No, she’d kill me, Loki thought, “It’s your mother that’s making me leave. Now get out of my boat and swim or I’ll turn back, drop you off and leave anyway.”

The mirth left, Thor standing up to use his extra height to his advantage. He looked very intimidating when he said, “I can’t let you do that.”

“Which one, the throwing you off or the leaving? And I’m doing both before this day ends so your ‘can’t’ should really be a won’t since I can and I am.”

A frown perched itself on Thor’s brow. “Do you always speak so weirdly?”

Loki ignored him, focusing back on the oars to have them steer the boat over towards the riverbank. 

“Where were you even going to go?” Thor asked, tiring of the silence. “There’s nowhere else in Asheim that’s populated except Asgard. You’d have to use the Bifrost to get to one of the other realms.”

That Bifrost thing again. “I don’t see how that’s any of your business.”

“It is if you’re going to get yourself killed. Listen, my mother likes you, if something were to happen to you, I would get blamed. Do you know how many times she’s told me off this past week because I’ve been ‘upsetting’ you?” Loki was right about Thor being jealous, it dripped off him in waves as he started on all the things Frigga had given Thor a talking to for. “Even if I know you’re nothing but a dirty rotten spy.”

“I’m no spy. Who is there to even spy on?” They were Gods, what did they have to worry about spies for. It wasn’t like any of the other realms could even match up with the might of Asgard. Especially since Loki had learned that Vanir’s did indeed exist alongside the Aesir’s. With their might and magic there should be nothing that could cause them harm.

“Well you would say that wouldn’t you? But I know you’ve been talking to the fishermen. That you’ve been skulking in ale houses and asking anyone you can about news of other realms. Waiting for your master are you spy?”

“I’m not a spy!” 

“Then why are you running?” Thor bellowed back, his voice booming off the river.

“Because you think I am, and so will the others when you tell your mother. Now get off,” They’d reached the bank, the boat bumping uncomfortably off the shallow bottom. “I have somewhere to be.”

Thor looked at the bank, that’s all he did, look at it, before sitting pointedly in the middle of the boat. 

“Off,” Loki snapped. 

“No.”

“Off!” He made towards him, Thor daring him to try pushing.

“No, and I’m the prince so don’t even think about asking again.” He must get away with that a lot if he was thinking it was going to work now. “I’m coming with you. If you’re not a spy, then prove it. You’re obviously going to a different part of Asgard and I want to know where.”

“I’m not staying in Asgard you idiot,” The words just tumbled out, whether because he honestly didn’t care because he wouldn’t be in this realm for long or Thor was just riling him up that bad they just came out. “I’m going to Midgard, and when I get there I’m not coming back. So get out and leave me alone.” If Loki thought he sounded mature there, he knew in actual fact he didn’t. It was one of the curses of being old in mind and young in body. 

The fact it didn’t sound mature and intimidating like Loki wanted had to be the reason why Thor was more intrigued than reviled. “Midgard? But you can’t. It’s forbidden.”

He still didn’t understand how it was forbidden. Did Loki’s people do something to the Gods? “Which is why I’m not coming back,” He said, fighting around his other question.

Thor looked to the bank again, where the spires of Asgard’s golden palace was poking out from the copse of trees. He seemed to come to some sort of decision, as all hesitance left the next time he looked at Loki. “Take me with you.”

“Did you not here where I’m going?” 

Thor nodded, “Take me with you.”

“But it’s forbidden.” He was not taking Thor with him. They’d label him an enemy of the Gods. If Loki’s life had been hard before he didn’t even want to think what it would be like with the label of god kidnapper. 

“I- I know. But I want to go. I need to know… I know I’m old enough for quests.” 

So that’s what this was about. Thor thought this was his big chance to embark on an adventure. To prove that he was good enough to be labeled amongst the other warriors. Ones that were far older and far more experienced than himself. How arrogant Thor was. But then, Loki figured, he was a God, why shouldn’t he be? 

Thor spoke excitedly, with every word he was doing more to show his ignorance of the world than persuade Loki to help him. It was only when he said, “We’ll sneak out and I’ll use the Bifrost to get back,” That Loki realised he was willing to let Loki go if he just let Thor come.

That promise of freedom was eventually Loki’s undoing. If Thor was as sure of himself as he thought then why shouldn’t Loki bring him along. He would probably only stay long enough to look around and see how dull Midgard was and then he would be gone. By then, Loki could have bartered himself a new boat with the gold he had on his ship and set sail in a direction that would give him a good heads start on the Gods. At least if he took Thor, Frigga wouldn’t learn that he was rotten until Thor returned. 

“Do you promise that you can get back?” Loki asked, he had to be sure.

Thor nodded, “I’ll just call for Heimdall and he’ll get me.”

“Okay then.”

“Yeah?” 

Loki nodded, jumping over so he could push the boat deeper into the water.

His boots were dry by the time they had made it to sea. Thor was full of excitement. So much so that Loki set him to work helping the oars pull as he tried to navigate just what angle they needed to sail.

“You know about it then?” Thor asked when Loki moved them that bit more forward. “The secret stream? The one the raiders used.”

“I know it. I’m surprised everyone in Asgard doesn’t.” With the way gossip spread he was surprised there weren’t more raids on Midgard. He thought, if there hadn’t been that whole Forbidden label, there would be. 

“Well, father did try and keep it quiet. He had the navigator and the leader killed at the docks so they couldn’t let slip any information. But I guess some other people had to have overheard it before they set sail. Were your parents part of the raid?”

“No.” But Loki could see his reasoning. If they were part of the raid it was no wonder Loki didn’t want people to know who he was. Also why he was living in the woods. He would be a pariah amongst the people if they knew. Alas, Loki’s life was not that lucky. 

“Oh.” The silence lasted only long enough for Loki to discern they were heading the right way. “Well, I actually got to see some Midgardians you know. Father brought them up before he took them to see Heimdall. They were quite dirty.”

“They were probably beaten,” Loki murmured, remembering the bruises that had blossomed on his own skin. He wanted to tell Thor the other things that might have happened. The rapes, or the threats to do so to Loki, but something else piqued his interest instead. Thor seemed to know a lot about what happened, maybe he would know “Why were they down there in the first place?” 

“The raiders? Well, apparently there had been talk from father that he was going to lead a party down to Midgard. See, during the war, King Laufey and father fought down there, but, at some point Laufey ran. Father didn’t know why, but when he found Laufey he was bleeding and the war just kind of ended there and then. I think something happened down there, that they lost something, it’s the only reason why father would be thinking of going back since he forbade all of the other realms that Midgard was to be left alone. I think I know what too.” 

Thor grinned, this time being the one to keep Loki on the edge of his seat. It got to the point where Loki actually asked, “What?” Thor’s grin widening in response.

“I think he gave birth,” Thor revealed at last. “I think he had a son and that’s why he was too weak to fight against father anymore when father found him. You wanna know why?” He didn’t have to know why but Thor told him anyway, “There was a Jotun amongst the people the raiders took. He was all blue but like weird looking too. I think he was crossbred or something since he was small too. Father says that even their children are meant to be like grown Aesir’s, but since this one wasn’t… I don’t know.”

His mind was reeling. He’d been asking for answers and here they were. He just didn’t know if he fully believed them. “So, why did Odin kill them when they were only doing what he wanted?”

Thor grinned again, glad to be off the topic of the Jotun. “Well, see father didn’t send them. They just heard the rumour and went without sanction. They weren’t even subtle either, when father showed his face below he said the raiders had destroyed a whole jarldom for the measly gold and slaves they brought back. We had to pay wergild and everything. He wasn’t happy, and they did commit treason.”

They got what they wanted anyway, proof that there was a Jotun amongst the Midgardians. 

Loki went back to his steering, he should have been content for now with what he knew. He, at least, knew what had happened to the rest of his people. Or, not his people, since that was the last piece of the puzzle Loki still didn’t know about. “Thor?” He found the courage to ask. “What’s a Jotun? How are they, different, to us?”

“A Jotun? Well they’re monsters.” Like it was that simple. Jotuns were monsters. Loki kind of believed him. Why else would everything be hard for him if he wasn’t supposed to be the monster in the shadows. “They live in an ice world. They’re huge too, we usually call them Frost Giants. They’re more proficient in magic than we are. I guess since they do ice magic then they have to be.”

Thor said other things. It filled silence as they rowed their way constantly towards the horizon. Every word out of Thor’s mouth however, just resonated inside Loki. Not the size thing, but the magic, didn’t the healers say he was a natural? And when it was winter, he barely felt the cold. 

He had hours to think on it. To sit there and steer, wondering whether it was worth it to even try and pretend to be human anymore. He wasn’t, he knew that now. Maybe it would be better to just tell Thor and let him try and drown Loki in the sea. It would save Midgard a lot of trouble for when he was a full grown monster that was for sure.

“I’ve never been to this part of Asgard before,” Thor said.

Loki snapped out of his musings to note that they had reached the trees. The sea before them narrowing as they were enclosed on both sides. They’d found it, they really had. Loki couldn’t believe it had been that easy.

Thor grew quiet, leaving the oars to do the rowing as he took a seat next to Loki. He was scared, Loki realised. Loki didn’t think Thor had expected to even find the hidden stream. But they did, and now they were on the verge of journeying to Midgard. 

He slowed the oars, “This is your last chance to turn back. I’m sure you could swim far enough for a fisherman to find you.”

Thor shook his head, taking the steer from Loki. “No, I want to do this.”

He put the oars back in motion, feeling the pressure build up. He didn’t try and hold his breath, sure it would make things worse as they went through the tight part. He felt faint as he went through it this time, Thor clawed at him at one end too, which didn’t help. But eventually they were spat out, the air substantially cooler than it was in Asgard.

Thor was shivering when Loki looked. Of course he was, Loki thought, even Asgard’s winters were warmer than they should be. 

He shucked off his cloak, handing it over to the prince before he could try and steal it, pushing his magic to row faster as he took a stance at the prow. The stars were just as he remembered them, duller maybe, but the alignment was how he grew up with. He didn’t try and read by them like he once would do. Didn’t even wait until midday to try and go by the sun. Instead, Loki used his magical talents to seek out a rough way of finding home. 

As he recalled, it took five days to get to this point, which meant that he was looking for land five days away from here. He found a rough estimate of a land he thought might be his own, setting the boat in that direction when he retreated back to Thor.

With the beauty of another land at his disposal Thor was enraptured for a good portion of their journey. He was almost over the edge of the boat with his want to look, running his fingers through the water or just gazing at the sky for hours at a time. Of course, since it was just ocean, Thor soon grew bored and was back at Loki’s side by day three. 

His nerves had returned the longer no land came in sight. He was constantly on the move, pacing the boat, rowing, taking over steering when Loki fancied a nap. He talked too, a constant stream of noise that Loki learned to tune out after a while. 

Day five dawned with “Land!” a dock coming into view. It wasn’t the one Loki remembered, but that one had been destroyed by fire when the raiders came. People were already gathering to see Loki and Thor drift in, so Loki dropped the steer and took up an oar, making the others stop rowing. They couldn’t raise suspicion on their first day here. Thor might be leaving but Loki wasn’t. 

The pretence worked, the people gathered helping the two pre teens dock and get out. Thor was still quiet from shock, looking at the hands that helped him with wonder. They seemed to have landed somewhere south of where Loki had grown up, none of the landmarks he was sure had been standing when he left still here now. It wasn’t a jarldom either, just a farming village that were good enough to welcome them around their hearth for the night. Loki accepted, quickly taking Thor to the side as the others unpacked what little Loki had brought with him. 

“You can’t tell them you’re a God,” Loki hissed, hoping the others could only hear that nonsense speak. 

Thor glared at him, “I know. I’m not an idiot.” He grinned suddenly, “Besides, I want to know what they say about me.”

If Thor had a big head before this excursion it had grown twice its size as they were welcomed into the wealthiest farmers home. They were given the best cut of the meat, the best drink, and when it came time for them to share their story of how they got here the children were tired enough to listen to tales of the Gods before they went to sleep. Their mother was the one who started with a tale about Thor, the most popular of the Gods, and Thor next to Loki quickly latched onto the tale, sitting through his supposed prowess with wide eyes and a satisfied grin that followed him into sleep that night.

They set off the next day North, Thor coming purely because he didn’t really know what to do with himself. He said he wasn’t ready to call for home yet. He wanted adventure, and so far nothing adventurous had happened. 

They didn’t use the boat, instead, Loki picked his way through the woods, knowing his scent naturally deterred the wolves that roamed here. The bears on the other hand, well, Loki was a shape changer now, he could just change into a bear himself and ask it nicely to leave them alone. 

“Did you hear the part about my strength?” Thor asked, not for the first time. Ever since he’d heard one of his famous tales he’d been recounting it constantly. Loki almost bashed Thor on the head as he started again, stopping himself enough to remember that returning Thor injured would just send Frigga down that bit more angrier. 

“Are you seriously going to ignore the part where it’s not really you?” 

“Is it though?” Thor asked, that head really too big for Midgard.

They had to camp in the trees, Loki knowing better than to try and keep doing while it was dark. Thor was just as excited here as he was for sleeping in the farmers house. Loki was surprised, for a boy who lived in a palace all of his life he was quite quick to agree to sleeping rough. 

“I wonder what that one is,” Thor mused, his hands tracing the constellation wrong. 

“It’s Bor,” Loki answered without looking, he knew roughly what was in the sky tonight. “The cow is somewhere next to him.”

“I can’t believe they know about all of this. Father always says that Midgard is like a child, too young to know about us, and yet they do. I mean, they kind of do.” Since Thor was adamant, when he learned, that his mother was Frigga not Gaea. 

“Is it everything you thought it would be?” Loki asked.

Thor hummed, “I kind of wish there was some fighting, but this is nice. It’s different.”

It’s boring for Loki. But then, he was sure when he first went to Asgard things that were boring for Thor would have been fascinating for Loki. “We should reach the main jarldom tomorrow. He’ll want to know about us, whether we’re here from another jarl and if we’re spies.” That’s if it was a he. Last he knew the new jarl’s daughter had took up his place when he was murdered. She was screaming at their ships as they were all being carried off. 

“You know,” Thor said, “You know a lot about Midgard for someone who hasn’t been here before.”

“Who says I haven’t been here?” Loki countered. 

Thor’s face scrunched up. “You’ve snuck here before then?”

Loki kept silent, letting the prince figure it out for himself. 

It took longer than he thought, Loki managed to sleep the whole night before he had a hand in his tunic, frisking him. “Get out!” Loki squirmed, Thor pinning his wrist as he continued feeling along Loki’s body. 

He thought for a moment Thor was checking what that man had, all those years ago, that there might be something else under his breeches. Instead, he finished his search by grabbing Loki’s knife, the one he always kept close to his chest. The one he’d stolen from Thor when they were children. 

He stopped when he had it, looking at the jewels as they shone too bright on the Midgardian plane. “So, you’re a Jotun. You’re the Jotun. The- the Loki.”

“I’m not the Loki, I’m Loki. So go call Heimdall if you’re calling him. I am going to my home and then I’m getting as far away from you and your people as I can.” He pushed himself up, leaving Thor with the knife. He had another, he could get one more when he reached home. He just needed to go. Needed to get there before the Gods came.

“You’re a Jotun,” Thor said, like he couldn’t get his head around it. “A Jotun!” The knife was dropped, Thor getting up himself to back away slightly. He trained his eyes on Loki, squinting like that would help him see through his pale skin. “You’re lying. You stole this from it. You had to.”

“Why?” Loki demanded.

“Because- because you’re you. You haven’t hurt my mother or tried to freeze my hands off. You even tried to kick me off your boat, unless you knew I would come here. But-” He was confused, so confused the sky started rumbling and clouds gathering overhead. “You’re not evil,” Thor landed on. 

“Not yet,” Loki agreed. “But if I am a monster I’ll probably turn out like one. So go call Heimdall and leave me alone.”

He set off, leaving the knife where it was. While it was rightly his, Thor would probably say he stole it and Loki didn’t need another item on his list of crimes. 

He got about three trees away before crunching leaves told him Thor was still following. They stuck with him the rest of the day, even when they got to the village. Loki didn’t dare talk to him. He didn’t want to argue. He just wanted to walk. 

The Jarl met them at the front, Loki making his greetings as best he could remember. She was a woman, not the one Loki remembered, she was long dead by now, but there was some resemblance. Granddaughter perhaps. She welcomed them in, promising them beds. She was surprised to hear that Loki had once lived here, suspicious as she had a right to be since she would probably remember seeing Loki around at some point. 

“Their language is so odd,” Thor commented to him over supper, Loki jumping, not expecting talk at all. “I can understand it, and they me, but it takes effort for me to speak to them, like there’s a barrier. I suppose you speak it without trying.”

“I did grow up here.” Language was safe. “It took me weeks to be able to decipher even a little of what your people were saying.” 

“Did you learn how to build boats here too?”

“No. I learned on Asgard.”

There was a little respect there when Loki looked. 

They were put to bed like children, no stories this time, and Loki kind of preferred it that way. He had to move after a while however, someone giving Loki the bed too near the fire. He tried to make it as innocent as he could, not make it look like he was skulking around to attack. Thor didn’t move anyway, looking to be asleep in his furs. 

His throat wasn’t slit in the night like Loki kept waking up fearing. Instead, as morning dawned, Frigga’s blade was back in his tunic, Thor wheedling a second helping of food from their hostess. 

With the day to themselves and no chores to do, Thor, since he figured the knife was a peace treaty of sorts, insisted on a tour of where Loki grew up. They didn’t talk about the Jotun thing, Loki knew Thor was sussing him out, trying to see if he was right to trust Loki. He shouldn’t. Even Loki didn’t trust himself.

They toured where Loki grew up, where his guardian had taught him how to walk when he was ten, the grounds he had trained on when he was thirty. 

“No wonder you’re hard to knock down,” Thor said, that approval back in his voice. “You were fifty when you came to Asgard right?”

Loki was surprised he remembered. “Well I was raiding when I was thirty too. I was a grown man by rights, they didn’t want to keep me around. So I had to go with the men.”

“But you would have been three.”

Loki shrugged, “I managed.”

He showed Thor where he first spied two teenagers having sex. Being Forty he thought it was the right thing for someone of his age to have an interest in, baby limbs or not. He just found it weird and confusing, not even bothering to hang around when he got the gist of it. Thor seemed very interested in that story, asking Loki to repeat every minute detail until there was nothing more to say. 

When it got dark they went back to the homestead, their host holding a grander meal than yesterday now she had time to prepare. There were stories this time. Songs too, great ballads of the Gods. The one about Thor got a raucous applause by the actual God, Thor still singing it when they were set in their furs by the fire. 

“Midgard is better than I thought,” he grinned, his teeth glinting in the darkness. “I can see why you wanted to come back.”

“Yeah,” Loki agreed, his heart not really in it. “It’s great.”

“Mother’s going to be mad when I come home.”

Loki bet. He’d only glimpsed her temper, and it wasn’t something he wanted directed at him. It was why he needed to start his bartering tomorrow. Maybe he would sail to Northumbria. He wouldn’t need men this time, and since it was only him he could slip into the village no problem, live his life out as a wanderer. “She will just be happy you are safe.”

There was a hesitation before Thor asked, “Are you really staying here? I know it’s great and it’s big, but won’t they notice if you don’t age?”

“Probably.”

“Loki,” Thor shifted onto his side, “Did you really want to come back?”

“Does it matter?” He couldn’t exactly choose to go to Asgard anymore. 

Thor huffed, his hair like gold now he had the bed closest to the fire. “I wasn’t going to tell mother because I wanted you to get in trouble. I wanted to tell her because I thought she might be able to help you. She talks about you all the time. She’s always asking us to put another plate out in the mornings for supper in case you decide to stay. You don’t have to believe me, but, I really only wanted to tell her because I thought if she knew and you didn’t have to lie, then you wouldn’t have to say no to staying later.”

It was… such a childish thing to say. Sometimes Loki forgot that he wasn’t talking to an adult. For Thor, he hadn’t got to ten and be wondering why he wasn’t as capable as the other children. He grew at the same pace as Asgardian children which meant he was pretty much a child mind and body. Over two hundred he might be in truth but Thor was really a thirteen year old.

“You don’t just tell people things like that,” Loki said, “Even if it wasn’t for bad intentions, you shouldn’t have even thought about telling your mother until I said you could. It’s not your secret to tell Thor.”

He had the decency to accept he’d done wrong. There was no defence against his actions, no argument to show his side of things, Thor knew he had done wrong and he lay there in silence. 

There was more to say, to work out before Thor thought about going home, Loki could see it as Thor struggled with whether to say more or not. He must have decided to leave it be, for the night, since, with one last apology, an actual apology too, he turned towards the fire and drifted off. Loki wasn’t far behind him.

Loki went to the docks the next day, skulking around until he could find a guy that would do business with him.

“Now where did you get these?” The man asked, holding the Asgardian coin up to the light.

“In a cave up the mountain. It’s real before you ask. Treasure of the Gods.” Such things were legend, and usually the gifts the Gods gave were gifts of other substances, like magic. The gold the man had in his hand would be rare indeed, especially since the wereguild they were paid, Loki asked Thor about this that morning, was a staff blessed by Frigga herself to heal the sick. No doubt it was lost, but any man could recognise divinity when they saw it, and it was there on that coin.

Surprisingly, the man hand the coin back, no insistence on Loki’s part getting him to take it. “If you found it then it’s cursed boy. The Gods wouldn’t give up such gold like that for no reason. It’s a test, maybe from the sly one himself.”

“The sly one?” 

The man had already walked, leaving Loki to work out which God he would have to talk his way around as he tried to find someone else. By midday,  Loki had managed to gain some interest from a visiting trader. He promised that if Loki could get a few more of those coins he might be willing to hand over his own boat in exchange. A good offer. Maybe too good for a visiting trader. He had until sundown to think on it.

“Any luck?” Thor asked as Loki wandered in for something to eat. He’d preferred to stay in the home today, his fascination with Midgardians spreading to trying himself to live like one. Loki thought it wasn’t much different to how the people of Asgard lived, but then he remembered Thor was a prince. He was probably living in a whole other world right now. 

“Maybe, but since the majority of the warriors are off raiding there aren’t many boats to spare. I may have to make some alternate plans.” Start getting sneaky.

Thor nodded, Loki having explained Midgardian raids to him the day before. Thor handed over a plate of meat, the chicken, he told Loki, he stripped and cooked all by himself. Loki was impressed, but his stomach could handle almost anything, even the bones that Thor forgot to take out. “So Loki, when you get a boat, what are you going to do?”

“Sail.” Where he wasn’t sure yet. He was still pretty set on some part of Wessex.

“Will you raid?” Thor pressed. 

“Maybe,” He had to get gold from somewhere, although it would be easier to just find a trade and lay low for a while. 

“Will you be raiding soon?”

Loki grasped what Thor was getting at. “You are not going raiding.” Someone had been filling his head with tales of grandeur, that was for sure. Loki knew these people liked to romanticise the concept of a raid, and while it was good fun, it was also dangerous. Far too dangerous for a boy like Thor.

“Why?” Thor demanded. “I’m older than you and you’ve been raiding. I want to fight, otherwise what use has this adventure been?”

“Then go find a bear and be done with it. I am not taking you raiding.” He would definitely be struck down if Thor was killed, and raiding felled even the toughest of warriors. God or not, Loki had seen Asgardians struck down in front of him, Thor could die, and Loki wasn’t going to have it on his hands. 

“Well I say you are, and as prince you will do as I say.”

“As Loki I say I’m not.”

Thor pouted, his foot looking seconds from stomping, the clouds had already let out a low rumble in anticipation. Loki looked around hurriedly, spotting a few villagers peeking their heads in to see what could be causing the Gods to be so angry with them.

“Thor,” Loki warned, keeping his voice low, “I am just thinking of you. You’ve never even been in a real fight, you can’t go raiding. The whole point of you being here was so you would see Midgard then go home.”

“No,” This time he did stomp his foot, one of the villagers catching him and the boom that resounded from above at the same time. An almost frightened awe came upon her. “The whole reason I came was to go on a quest. So far, the only quest like thing we did was sail here. I want a real quest, and that means treasure. If you want rid of me, you will take me raiding so I can prove to my father when I get back I am capable of going on adventures.”

“You’ll get yourself killed,” Loki hissed.

“I don’t care. If you can do it, I can. Now we’re going, that’s that. As your God I order you to go get a boat and be ready to sail in two days hence.” Thor looked very satisfied with himself when he was done. No doubt he’d been watching his father deliver orders like that. But, if Loki couldn’t pull off the mature look yet then neither could Thor, he looked like nothing more than a spoilt child standing there with his arms crossed.

But Loki knew Thor wasn’t going to let this go. Worse, he would probably follow even if Loki did leave him behind. He’d steal a boat, or try to swim and drown. It was best he just take the stupid boy, let him have his adventure and then wave him off to that Heimdall man. Not to mention, even on this plain Thor was dangerous, he had every right to kill Loki now rather than let him go.

Thor had won, they both know it. But Loki couldn’t help but adding, “You’re just a little God,” to quell some of Thor’s ego

“But a God all the same Loki.” He made a shooing motion, prancing off back to the rest of his meat he was preparing for tonight.


	4. Chapter 4

Loki did as he was bade, finding one good thing came from their little fight. Word had spread about Thor’s favour with the Thunder God, which meant, when Loki came asking, a boat was almost placed into his hands. 

Since Thor had only heard about going on quests he was completely unhelpful in preparing for them. He packed things they didn’t need, like furs, overloaded their boat with food that would go rotten. He even, at one point, asked Loki if they should get a goat to take with them. It took a while for Loki to persuade him away from the goat idea.

When it finally came for them to set off, Loki was beyond fed up, wishing more than ever he knew why Thor couldn’t just be content with seeing another world then going home. At this rate, Loki was looking to spend the rest of his life with Thor.

Their host saw them off at the dock, still a bit hesitant about the two of them operating their boat alone. Someone must have let slip about Thor’s divine heritage however, since she didn’t stop them completely. Loki still waited until the homestead was a good way into the distance before taking up his place at the steer and using his magic to operate the oars and guide the sail. 

The seas were calm for once, probably sensing Thor was on board as they crossed the way to the land of Northumbria. Thor didn’t say much along the way, he asked about what they might find, the gold ,the people they were to be guarding it. But mostly he sat there in an excited silence, fingering the axe Loki had made for him. 

Northumbria came within sight during the night. Loki’s magic was still guiding them forward, but for the most part the two of them were drifting in the wood. Loki spotted it first, the familiar rise of the land. Not to mention there were boats already moored there. Things hadn’t changed much in a hundred years, and the beach where their boats always lay was one of those things.

He thought about nudging Thor awake, then thought better and guided the boat to the shore without word. Let Thor see where they had arrived in the light of day, there wasn’t much to see now. 

Thor was already playing in the sand when Loki woke. He’d ran the entire beach from the look of it, there were footprints stretching for miles in either direction. Right now, he was rolling himself around, trying to dry off from a dunk in the sea.

“You’re only going to get uncomfortable,” Loki warned, knowing from experience it was never fun having sand stuck to his skin all day.

“Then I’ll be uncomfortable.” He jumped up, his small axe already at hand, “I’ve been waiting for you to wake for an age. The whole point of being here was that we would finally see some action.” He looked around skeptical, asking Loki without words where said action was.

Loki picked up his dagger, a shield too from one of the abandoned boats. “They’ll be this way,” he remembered, his feet following the practiced steps towards the village.

There was smoke already in the horizon, not the kind that indicated a burning building however. Loki bid Thor into the shadows, the two of them detouring around the known village path towards the fire. If they were Loki’s people, it would be better to join with them rather than raid alone. If not, then they could just slip away and cause trouble regardless.

Luck was on their side, when they peered through the bushes Loki could spot the well worn furs of his homeland hanging. He slipped from Thor’s side before the idiot could announce their presence with some ill practiced words and sought out the leader of this band. Suspicion was to be expected since this group had obviously been here for a while, they would have noticed if children had stowed away. But Loki had an ace up his sleeve, one he’d been thinking about ever since he learnt the story of the ‘sly one’ before their departure.

“We have been sent by the Gods,” Loki said, “To aid you in your raid.”

“The Gods?” Harold asked, some men behind him jeering.

Thor chose that moment to come forwards, the arrogance of his station filling his words, “I am Thor son of Odin and I have come to seek the treasure of this land.”

“Thor son of Odin,” Harold repeated, really doubting them now, “And tell me Thunderer, why have you come to us as a child? Why not your mighty warrior self?”

“To give the others a fighting chance of course,” Loki piped up. “Not to mention, men always underestimate children. At this size we can easily slip through the village unnoticed, we can also steal gold without causing too much fuss.” He magicked some gold into his hand, the illusion holding long enough for the men’s interest to pique before he waved it away. 

The show was subtle enough not to cause too much reverence, but the air of mystery had gained them some favour amongst the men. If Loki said Thor was the Thunderer who were they to question him? If they did and Thor really was a God, they were looking to anger the deity they so loved. If he wasn’t, all they would lose were two troublesome children.

Harold seemed to think along these lines too, welcoming them much more easily into their fold. He still had his reservations, especially with Loki, but he shared his meat and his stories of the raid they had already done as night fell.

The next morning, the two of them were given packs to carry. Loki could see Thor ready to turn his nose up at carrying other mens belongings, something he quelled rather quickly by hissing soothing words at him. 

“It’s the way of things. There is no rank on a raid Thor. We carry as much as we are able regardless if it is ours. And before you complain you will get what’s yours even if someone ends up carrying it. Or do you think the men that worship you without honour?” When they were back at the boats the treasure would be piled and divided by whoever wanted or won what. The greatest treasures would be separated for the Jarl, but no man or woman would take what wasn’t theirs if they valued themselves as a noble creature.

Thor still grumbled, but with promise of reaching the next village they were heading to that afternoon his complaints died off fairly quickly.

About a mile from the village, they ditched their belongings behind a copse, Harold gathering those he needed as they divided into groups. They’d scouted this village before coming here, Harold’s group quickly dispelling the soldiers that marked the entryway. 

Thor was quivering at Loki’s side as they waited for the signal to go, his axe thrumming with excitement and something else. The little sparks of lightning had Loki entranced, even the men around him noticing that Loki’s promise of Thor being something divine held somewhat true. The excitement spread like thunder, pretty soon whispers of fighting alongside a God quelling in one wave as the cry went up and they all streamed forwards. 

Loki wanted to do what he usually did in a raid, get to the high ground and sneak into the church before the others. But Thor quickly changed that idea as he proved he wasn’t so adapt at fighting as he’d said. 

He was good, Loki gave him that. But, unlike Loki, it looked like he hadn’t moved on past boys his own age yet. It took effort Thor didn’t have to expel for him to fell a soldier. His uncertainty in fighting a full grown man was making him hesitant, and therefore troublesome. 

“Just hit them,” Loki yelled, slipping under one of the soldier’s swords to slice through the thin skin of his boots. He fell down, Loki finishing him with a practiced jab. “You’re a God, prove it.”

Loki would like to think that his words were the force behind Thor finally letting go, but then he would be giving himself too much credit. What really happened, while Loki had yelled at him, was a guard using Thor’s distraction and slowness to nick him across the cheek. From experience, Loki knew that shock didn’t last long when it came, in Asgard, even the boys were trained to snap out of it as quickly as they could. Thor did so, his eyes focusing once more as anger and fear took place as they did after shock. Thor had realised in that moment he could be killed, that this wasn’t just a training game where people would stop if he got injured. It snapped something inside of him, and even Loki was running for cover as Thor finally let his true potential loose.

The air seemed to disappear as thunder boomed and clouds gathered. Thor was wild, lashing out at anything that moved. The warriors they were raiding with kept a wide berth, moving onwards to the church, all of them knowing better to get in a berserker's way.

All except Loki. Someone had to watch out for Thor after all.

He hid himself still as Thor caught those who ran from deeper in the village. He skulked away on occasion, hitting the houses that the warriors had left to come back to later. He was counting his gold when Thor felled his last man, the rage flying out of him in a boom of thunder, Loki feeling his magic answer the calling as lightning shattered the man and the ground he was standing on. He watched as the aftershocks raced across the ground, his own magic calling out, telling Loki to do something else. It was certainly a new experience.

But then Thor was falling, exhaustion setting in and Loki didn’t really have the time to make mayhem. With one arm slung over a shoulder, Loki kept Thor up, the two of them hurrying back to Loki’s horde as the survivors started piling up their own treasure.

“Are you okay?” Loki asked, Thor’s head lolling on his shoulder. 

There was a nod, Thor trying to lift himself up as he started mumbling ‘gold’ over and over again.

The warriors found them like that, Thor napping as Loki counted. One of them took Thor from him, the whole lot of them grinning as they piled Loki’s gold in with their own and started making up the words for a new song. One that sang of thunder in Northumbria.

Thor slept a while, the warriors telling Loki it was common. He didn’t know if that were true, but then again, when he’d first used that amount of magic in one go he’d been tired too. 

While Loki waited for Thor to wake, the warriors had him tell them more about where he came from, all of them yearning for tales of Asgard that Loki was glad to give them. He stuck to some of their old beliefs, not wanting to completely quell their faith. He told how the Allfather was watching over them, happy with their attempts at reaching Valhalla. He told them about the kindness of Queen Frigga and the beauty of Freyja. He spoke of Baldur, the boy that wasn’t Thor’s brother but who Loki said was just so he wouldn’t be called a liar, and the adventures the boy had in Asgard. In truth, Loki had only met Baldur the once, he’d been one of Loki’s opponents on the training field. 

They ate up the stories they’d heard since childhood like they had just discovered them for the first time. 

Thor slept through until morning, waking with a bleary daze that spoke of exhaustion. It didn’t stop him from having an appetite that had him stealing Loki’s portions, or from asking where they were going next. In his slumber, the fear from the previous day had worn off, leaving Thor with the victory he’d wanted.

He didn’t even complain when he was given a pack, his legs were dragging but his spirits were high, asking Loki to recall events that Thor had been too distracted to remember yesterday as they walked.

They made camp near a stream, Loki shucking off his clothes the first chance he got to wipe the dirt from his person. Thor splashed alongside him, the warriors not giving them a second look. Who were they to question the actions of a God after all?

The tangles in his hair were easier to get out now they were wet, and Loki couldn’t describe the pleasure he felt being able to wash the smell of battle from it. Thor, while it wasn’t the royal baths, was just as pleased to wipe the blood away, shoving his clothes in too for good measure when he heard they weren’t to be moving anymore today. 

“Here,” Thor said, batting Loki’s hands away. His fingers were more proficient in dragging the knots out, gentle too in a way Loki wasn’t expecting. “So, have you always been able to shape change? It’s just, you weren’t blue when my mother found you in the healers. She would have told me if you were.”

“My skin I’ve always been able to change. The rest of me I needed your mother to teach me.”

Thor hummed, his fingers still gentle as they started trying to plait the short strands. “When you came to the palace father said that you were unusual for a Jotun.” 

That was, unexpected. For days they hadn’t talked about the whole ‘monster’ thing, Loki figuring Thor was putting it to the back of his mind in order to focus on the adventure he’d been promised. He wanted to think that this was just a passing conversation, that it wouldn’t leave Loki wishing they hadn’t broken the uneasy truce between them, but he could feel Thor’s questions closing in, the patience he’d had to hold them back fraying the more Loki showed no resistance talking to him. He also had to admit, he was kind of curious. Thor was the only one who really knew about what he was, he was the one that could tell Loki the most about himself and his supposed people. “Unusual how?”

“You’re tiny.” Like Loki wasn’t taller than half the boys his own age. “You also have hair. Unless this is-”

“Ow!” He yanked himself out of Thor’s grip for that, the back of his head still stinging from where he’d been pulled.

“See, you have hair. Frost Giants don’t usually, and they’re called Giants for a reason.” Thor poked at the skin on Loki’s bare arm. “Maybe you’re like half or something. What’s your inbetween like?”

“My what?”

Thor looked around, making sure they weren’t overheard before he pointed down towards his own breeches. “Do you have, you know, both? Or just the one? Frost Giants apparently have both, they’re a singular race.”

Loki’s face heated, his hands immediately protecting his breeches in case Thor decided to poke him there too. “Does it matter?”

“Guess not,” Thor shrugged. “But if you had only one we could probably entertain the idea of you being just a half Jotun.”

“Because half a monster’s better than a full one,” Loki guessed.

Thor shrugged again. “Isn’t it?”

Loki felt himself getting defensive. “And what exactly makes the Jotun so monstrous Thor? Have you even met one? A real one? So they’re blue and they live a bit differently, but have you actually seen one do anything that was considered evil in everyday life?” It wasn’t because he actually cared about being called a monster, he’d been so most of his life, it was a common thing now. He was just a bit apprehensive still about his breeches suddenly being pulled down and figured this was the best way to distract Thor from trying. 

Thor looked ready to fight, his face was twisted like he was about to lunge, but it slackened after a moment, a small, “No,” escaping. Thor sat on his haunches, a frown overcoming him. 

“You haven’t?” In all honesty Loki was expecting to hear he was looking to get a taste for babies in his future. 

“I mean, I haven’t seen one,” Thor corrected, some fire coming back into them. “But I’m sure they are just as evil as I’ve been told. They tried to take over Midgard you know, it was only because my father stepped in that this whole world isn’t covered in ice.”

“So you call them evil because they were attacking Midgard?” So far Loki still hadn’t heard anything truly monstrous. “But you’re okay with Asheim taking over Vanaheim?”

“That was different!” Thor insisted. “They needed our help and we gave it to them. We look after Vanaheim because it was our duty to.”

“It doesn’t sound different to me.” Loki thought quickly. Thor was getting more and more worked up the longer everything he’d been taught as a child was being challenged. No one liked to be told they were wrong, especially because they’d been taught their whole lives that one thing was right. Even more when everyone else agreed too. Loki was probably two wrong sentences away from being struck by lightning. “Okay, how about this. We came to this land, to Northumbria, to raid, right?” Thor gave a small nod. “Well, how are we any different to Jotunheim? We came uninvited. We’re destroying their towns and villages for gold and slaves. The raid you’re so excited to go on tomorrow is going to end with people dead. How are we not evil but Jotunheim is.”

“Well… but…”

Loki wasn't going to let this go. Not now there was a chance he could be wrong about himself. He threw Thor’s tunic at him, drying it with magic along with the rest of their clothes before pulling him along the trees towards where his magic told him life was.

It took a good portion of the night to find the village, the majority of the people were already inside, warming themselves around their fires, completely unaware about what was going to happen tomorrow.

Loki led Thor through the guarding post and towards the nearest hut. “These are people Thor. Look at them.”

He did, Loki could see Thor truly seeing for the first time what he was doing. Inside, there was a whole family, parents, children, aunts and uncles, all of them arguing and laughing just like the Asgardian families did. 

“You’re going to kill them tomorrow,” Loki told him. 

Thor fled before Loki could think to say more. He was swift when he wanted to be, running in one direction heedless of anything in his way until Loki caught up to him throwing up in the trees. 

Loki caught his breath, knowing he should try to comfort Thor, or at least lead them back to the party, but all that came from his mouth was, “What did you think a raid was Thor? Did you think they were monsters? That we were stealing from people, like Frost Giants, who deserved it?” 

“I killed people,” Thor said, his voice hollow in the silent forest. “Innocent people.”

“You did,” Loki agreed, the anger draining out of him. His legs gave way to let him drop down next to Thor, the two of them too caught up in their own thoughts to talk for a while.

Loki knew he should be thinking of ways to use this to his advantage. To press on Thor’s despair and send him off to Asgard sooner. But he couldn’t. All he could focus on was that glimmer of hope that said he might not be as monstrous as he thought. If the Jotuns really were just a people, the same as Asgardians or Midgardians, then there was a chance that Loki wasn’t going to grow up bad. That one day he wasn’t going to wake and want to destroy everything in his path. Maybe it had just been the war that swayed people's opinions of Jotun’s. It did that. Loki had grown up hating Northumbrians after all. It was just something that happened. 

“We should go back before we’re missed,” Loki said.

Thor shook his head. “I don’t want to kill anymore people.” A hiccupped sob was all the warning Loki had that Thor might be sick again, when he was done Thor sat back and tried again. “I- how can they do it? Why? Why are they here?”

“Because there’s gold,” Loki said simply. There were other reasons, but Loki didn’t think Thor would even begin to understand if he tried to explain it. 

“And gold is enough to damn a village?” Thor challenged.

“I don’t know. But magic was enough to damn Vanaheim.”

At least he wasn’t yelling again. Thor was actually thinking about Loki’s words now, his face falling once again as he realised his father might not be as golden as he once appeared. It left Thor shaking, his exhaustion from the day before still present as his hands were sluggish trying to wipe the tears falling. 

Loki stood, ready to help Thor up when he heard a snap behind them. A voice called out before Loki could reach for his knife, hands grabbing him from the darkness and restraining him. They did the same to Thor, Loki hissing when he saw the familiar metal of the soldiers of this land. 

They said something, Thor freezing up before the two of them were hauled off. Loki could have used his magic to escape, he could have changed shape or just flung these people off. But there was a dagger to his throat, one to Thor’s too, while Loki might escape Thor wouldn’t, they would rip his throat into ribbons before Loki could even attempt to free him. So, for the moment they were trapped, being herded along a path that Loki didn’t know. He wanted to be scared, mostly he was angry, so while he couldn’t escape he instead cursed the very ground the soldiers walked on until one of them grew sick of him. 

The gag was unpleasant but better than a punch to the face. They put one on Thor too, in case he started making as fuss as well. 

They walked for miles like that, uncomfortable and bound. Dawn had just broken when they reached the fortress Loki had only glimpsed at from afar. 

It was even uglier up close, and with so many men inside it stank of something Loki couldn’t put into words. They were dragged into a large room, some man pretending to be a king already sitting inside. He spoke with the soldiers a while, the knife at Loki’s throat getting tighter in instances the guard holding him didn’t care for. Not for the first time he wished he knew more of their language. At least enough to know whether he should attempt escape now or wait.

It didn’t matter in the end. He didn’t know what they were saying so he could only be led to the iron cage they put him in when it happened. With so many men watching Loki didn’t dare change shape. The good thing about having an advantage was to always know when to use it, so Loki reserved his magic and let himself be cramped and bent inside the hanging cage. 

Thor, being bigger, was having a worse time of it. He looked to be considering breaking the bars with his strength, but, thankfully, he had enough brain to know that it wasn’t the time to try. Not yet.

Something scorched his foot.

Loki couldn’t lift it, not with the awkward angle of the bars so he could only flail as the hot iron seared into his flesh. It would have been worse, he repeated, if he was in his normal skin. This body could take it. It did, but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt beyond reason.

Thor screeched when they taunted him, the soldiers below laughing as the cages rattled the more they poked them. It was fun for them, finally getting their own back. Even if they were children.

Their voices rose, excitement leading them to shake Loki’s cage violently before they left. 

Thor looked defeated when Loki’s vision had stopped swimming enough for him to see clearly. He was trying to grasp his burned foot, the boot kicking itself off until Loki could see the red dots that had made it through the sole. 

“They’re going to kill us,” Thor said. 

“You can understand them?” It seemed Asgardians were given a whole horde of languages to learn. 

Thor nodded. “They’re going to question us. And because they think we can’t speak their language they’re looking forward to it. They’re going to torture us aren’t they?”

Probably, Loki kept to himself. “What else did they say?”

Thor shook his head, “Just words about the execution.” A small sob rose in the air again. “I don’t blame them. After what we-”

“Oh shut up,” Loki tested the cage, sending a cooling charm to his foot as he raised himself up and down trying to see how thick the chain was. 

“We killed an entire village.”

“And they’ve done worse to us,” Loki hissed back.

Thor’s whimpers quietened, his foot firmly in his hand now, “I don’t understand.”

Loki slammed himself down again, his legs complaining at the rough metal piercing his skin. “Look, that thing about the gold, that’s only a small reason for why they raid. It used to be for the gold,” Loki remembered those days well. There was such excitement about all those new trinkets being brought back. “But then we discovered that the earth has rich soil. Our land back home is dying. The soil is overworked and barely yields anything. We have too many people to feed and not enough to do so. We had hoped that this place would be a new start. We even tried to make peace.”

“So why haven’t you?”

“Their God won’t let them. Every time we make a settlement they destroy it. We’ve had people that haven’t come home, some disappear, some are found later. We have children being born and drowned because they aren’t Christian.” At least when Loki had been a child that was what had happened. He didn’t know if they were still even attempting a settlement here or whether they were just waging war because they could. 

“What’s a Christian?”

“Their God. These people don’t believe in Asgard. They think because we won’t believe like they do that they have the right to kill us, so they do. You’re nothing but an abomination to them Thor.”

“So there’s no negotiating,” Thor realised, the last glimmer of hope he had dying away as Loki shook his head. 

It wasn’t like Loki hadn’t thought about it. With Thor being able to speak their language it was a possibility. But deals with these people were never held up. They would agreed to let Thor and Loki go only to follow and kill them at a later date. It had happened before and Loki wasn’t going to fall for it again. 

“We’re going to have to fight our way out if it comes to it,” Which was really the whole point of Loki telling Thor this. “I know things are different now Thor, that you don’t want to hurt them. But they’re going to hurt you. If you don’t raise your hand, you’re going to die, and I am not going to be the one telling your mother you died like a coward.”

That got Thor’s attention, his foot forgotten as he hissed, “I’m no coward.”

“Then don’t hesitate if it comes down to it.” With one last slam the chain broke and Loki’s cage fell to the floor. 

He turned before he could be splattered, the small bird easily flying through the bars and towards the chain hanging Thor. Landing on top, he put some strength into his arms, surprised when the bars destroyed themselves far more easily than he thought they would.

Thor slowly climbed out, the two of them jumping to the floor just as a guard burst in. 

Despite what Loki had said Thor did hesitate. It took Loki whacking the guard with one of the glorious torture devices they kept just lying around for them to make it out of the room. After Loki grabbed his knives of course. 

The commotion had drawn a number of soldiers their way, Loki tugging Thor behind a corner as he sent an illusion of the two of them to the bottom of the hallway. He made sure to animate them enough to look real, the guards falling for it as Loki kept the real them hidden. 

“They’re going to kill us,” Loki said, hoping that revived some of Thor’s bloodlust as they ran the empty hall. Or, tried to, with both of them injured it was rather difficult putting one foot down on the hard stone floors.

They made it up to the upper floors, Loki not even trying to find the front door as he lunged for the nearest window and squeezed out. It was a long way down, even for him, but Loki wasn’t going to let Thor make the descent alone. He more or less had to pull Thor up, his foot giving him more bother than Loki’s. 

He sent a quick prayer before he fell, the earth hitting him hard as they rolled down the steep bank. He managed to stop himself before he hit a rock, scrambling to his feet in time to grab Thor, the two of them running the rest of the way down. 

They had a good head start, the guards taking the front door rather than the window like Thor and Loki. The hill was still a long way down however, and these people knew the land better. 

Wasting no time, they ran as fast as they could to the tree line, Loki hearing before seeing the arrow that embedded itself inches from his foot. He used his magic to sway the rest, but the distraction of looking behind made him slower. It gave the soldiers that push they needed to get on their tail. 

The trees gave them some leverage, only a fool thinking they could run swiftly through a forest. Loki waited until Thor was a good feet ahead of him before stopping, turning to face the soldiers. They slowed, sensing some kind of trap so Loki changed. He dropped his pink skin and let his blue take over, the heat making it hard to breathe after so long stuck in his other form. 

The soldiers took a step back, Loki learning from his first voyage here that even Christians were superstitious. Some of their spears shook as fear took over, even their leader looking to be having second thoughts as Loki glared his red eyes onto him. He hissed, stepping forward threateningly and had the pleasure of watching some of the stragglers turn tail. He did it again, hoping to see the rest of them go. They did, but not before one of them thrust forward and skimmed Loki’s cheek with his spear.

“Loki!” The call seemed to come from far away, but when he turned Thor was just beyond the third tree. 

He changed his skin back, noting the hesitance leaving Thor the moment he did. “I’m fine,” he said, casting little thought to the cut on his cheek. “Come on, they won’t be back.” He set off in any direction, figuring there had to be another path once they broke free of the trees. One that wouldn’t lead them to return to the fortress. “If we’re lucky, we can meet up with the warriors by tomorrow morning. We missed the raid, but at least we can get our gold.”

Thor stopped him with a hand on his arm, both of them limping now the threat of battle was gone. “Can we just go to the boat?”

“Why? We could probably talk them into antagonizing the soldiers if we told them what happened.” He for one would like to see some retaliation for the soldiers actions.

“I just want to go back,” Thor urged.

“But-” Loki wanted his gold. “Okay.”

It took a while to get out of the forest, even longer to find the village that was near the beach. They trudged on until both of them could walk no more, then walked some more. It was night of the next day when they got back to the boat. Both of them didn’t rest however, until the boat was safely floating away from the beach.

Loki kept them just within sight of land as he finally pried his boot off to see the damage. It had healed slightly, but it would be a while before he would be able to walk without pain. Heat always seemed to take longer to heal for him. Still, there was nothing he could really do but put a freezing charm on his foot. Thor on the other hand, “Give me your foot.”

Thor’s had blistered up horribly. He had the ability to heal like Loki, but, again, the heat would take a while before it was completely back to normal. That meant blistering. But, Loki, unlike himself, could heal Thor.

He didn’t get any thanks for it, Thor seemed completely numb to everything right now. “Maybe you should call Heimdall,” Loki suggested. It was time now. It was definitely time for Thor to go home. 

Thor didn’t answer, just curled up on his side of the boat. 

Loki tried to nap, but the waves kept him awake. He felt like he’d been awake for days when morning came, especially when his stomach started rumbling. They had no more food in the boat, and since their last meal had been with the warrior’s it was a wonder Loki had the strength to be awake. 

Thor wasn’t on that opinion. He dozed until the sun was high before slowly raising his head to regard their surroundings. 

They sat opposite each other as Loki skilleted a fish he magicked up. With no fire they would have to make do, and they did, not one complaint coming out of Thor’s mouth.

When they were done, the sun less hot on their necks, Thor finally spoke. “I think I’m finished with my adventure.”

About time. Loki should have been hurrying Thor on his way, telling him to do whatever he needed to do. He should have been elated. All he felt was numb. Coming back here wasn’t what he expected it to be. He’d been accepted, yes, even praised by the warriors, yet somewhere inside of him it wasn’t what he wanted. The gold he’d managed to win was nothing like the feeling of having accomplished something with his magic. Of running up to Frigga and showing her his success. It was nothing compared to the feeling of outsmarting a trader or stealing a drink. It was nothing because how could Midgard possibly measure up to the gloriousness of Asgard.

But it would have to. Loki had always known that if he ever came back to Midgard he would have to make it measure up. Or just be satisfied with what he has. 

“How do you call him?” Loki asked.

Thor shrugged, “Just call. He will hear me.”

It seemed a flawed system but if Thor thought it would work Loki believed him. “I guess this is goodbye then.”

“Suppose.”

They both sat there still, Thor making no move to get up, even to throw his head back and call. Just sat there. Then, “You know, I won’t tell mother.”

To someone else, they might just hear the promise there that Thor wasn’t going to tell his mother that Loki was involved in essentially kidnapping him. To Loki, he heard the unspoken promise, the one that said Thor wouldn’t tell if Loki wanted to come back to Asgard. 

Thor knew what he was. He had seen Loki in his real visage and here he was asking if Loki wanted to come back to Asgard, the home of the Gods, with him. 

He thought back to what he had here. “We’re going to be in so much trouble.”

Thor grinned, the first one he’d done in days, even now it wasn’t much to look at, too haggard to be a real smile. “Maybe,” Thor agreed.

Loki stood, readying himself at the steer. “Okay, I think I can get us back in about a week. Maybe less if I push the oars.”

“No Heimdall?” 

Loki shrugged, “Unless you want to call him. But, this is an adventure Thor, we should go back just as we left don’t you think?”

Thor napped while Loki set the oars going. When the wind stopped blowing Loki sent a gale towards the sail, pushing them faster and faster until Loki was grinning into the rushing air. He napped at one point, waking to see Thor trying to steer the boat and row on his own. But for the most part Loki stayed awake, making sure they got home and away from Midgard as fast as they could.

It took the week Loki promised and a day more for them to reach the secret stream to Asgard. Thor had managed to find some mirth in their journey, enough for him to ask Loki the rest of his questions about Midgard. Mostly they were about this God the mortals worshipped, he seemed to be stepping back, trying to distancing himself from what he’d done. Loki understood, he’d found it hard when he came back from his first raid. He didn’t stop seeing the faces of his dead for years. 

Thor took the steer as Loki sent one last gale to the sail. They went through the stream, Loki doubling over, his magic dimming as the stream opened out once more into Asgard.

They had opened out into the sea by the time Loki managed to get a hold of himself. He’d forgotten how hot Asgard was, and nearly fell overboard for some relief. 

Thor did well on his own to keep them straight, aiming for the palace that could be seen from even there. With his breath back, Loki used his magic to spur them on, the docks appearing faster than they usually would without help. 

He had to look again when the docks became clear. He thought for sure that his eyes had to be deceiving him as the image that greeted him was the exact same one he’d seen from his arrival over a hundred years ago. 


	5. Chapter 5

The guards were lining the docks, their faces stern enough for even Thor to climb down from the steer for a closer look. “Heimdall must have told him we would be back.”

“How would he know?” Loki wondered, not getting a response as Thor hurried back to the steer.

They weren’t arrested on sight, which Loki supposed was a good thing. Instead, the guards kneeled down to tell Thor specifically they were taking the two of them to the palace. Loki followed without fuss, only hesitating when they got to the doors leading inside. Odin would be there. He might recognise Loki.

The guard nudged Loki forwards, his spear doing little to reassure Loki he wasn’t going to be executed at some point today. Loki was starting to wish he’d stayed on Midgard.

“Thor!” Frigga descended on him like a hawk, gathering Thor up like he was a toddler to slather kisses on him.

Thor didn’t push her off, instead he clutched back just as tightly. 

A pointed throat clearing had them separating, Frigga not leaving Thor’s side as she pushed him in front of his father. Loki hung back, he hadn’t been noticed yet and he wouldn’t at all if he could help it. It was his fault Thor had been missing after all. They were bound to find out if they already didn’t know. 

“My son,” Odin’s voice hadn’t changed at all in the years Loki hadn’t seen him. Neither had his appearance, he was still as sturdy and old as ever. An odd juxtaposition to behold. “Are you well?”

“In body,” Thor agreed. He looked at his feet, “I’m sorry for leaving.”

“Leaving? Darling what happened? All we know is what Heimdall told us.”

Which could be anything Loki realised. “It was my fault,” He piped up at last. There was a chance they could get away with this if Loki played it right. 

He came forward, it was like they had just noticed his presence, Frigga finally leaving Thor’s side to haul Loki forwards. Her hands smushed up his face and Loki let her. If she wasn’t angry at him then she didn’t know what he’d done. She didn’t know that he had been the one to kidnap Thor. Or, not so much kidnap as willingly let him stay on board because her son was a manipulative thing when he wanted to be. “What do you mean it was your fault?”

Even Thor was looking at him now, the jealousy from a few weeks- had it really been weeks?- gone as curiosity took its place. “Well, see, I think someone was watching me. They knew I was going to the palace and that I was friends with Thor. When Thor walked me home after one of our lessons they were waiting for us.”

“Who?” Frigga demanded, the motherly tone gone in favour of the fearsome warrior Loki had always known she was.

“I don’t know,” Which was the truth. “I didn’t see their faces. But they took us to Midgard- through this stream things- and-” He let himself tear up, “They left us with the mortals, they poked our feet with these irons and- and they cut my cheek and- but we managed to get out. Thor defeated a whole bunch of them.”

Frigga pulled him to her again, Thor too, the two of them pushed rather uncomfortably against each other. She crouched in front of them.” You’ve been very brave.”

“We stole a ship,” Thor mumbled, not as adapt at lying as Loki just yet. “Loki remembered the way with his magic. I’m sorry mother.”

Odin said nothing, still scrutinizing them from his chair. Yet, after a moment where the welcomes had run dry he bid Loki to leave. “Your parents are probably worried.”

He bowed, scampering out before Odin changed his mind.

For days afterwards Loki was waiting for Odin to come after him. Someone must have seen them leave. Someone had to be able to poke a hole in his story, or Thor had decided to tell the truth. Yet no one came. Even more impressive, no one had knocked his hut down while he was away.

It was Friday when Loki finally saw someone from the palace. Thor was poised to knock when Loki found him. “Lost?” Loki asked.

“Hungry,” Thor corrected, showing the pheasant he had with him. “It’s from the kitchens.” He held it out in front of him like a peace offering. “I know you didn’t eat much on the way back.” The both of them had took turns fishing, and usually the fish they did catch were small and barely filling. “And- it’s kind of my fault you don’t have your stores.” Since everything Loki did have was now off and it took time to hunt. 

“Thank you.” Since he would be in idiot to pass up food. 

He set down his traps, grabbing his dagger to start gutting the thing. Thor still lingered, plucking the feathers that were within his reach. The pheasant, if Thor wasn’t there, would have fed him for a good few nights. But, Loki wasn’t about to kick Thor out, he had manners after all. 

So they roasted the bird, Thor gratefully giving over the bigger piece. “Mother wants to know when you will be well enough to start your lessons up again.”

“She still wants me there?” You really didn’t tell her was asked unspoken.

“She does. Father also wishes you to know that he is having your training moved. Apparently you insinuating we were friends has him believing we might benefit from a joint session.” 

He didn’t know what to make of that. So, instead he asked, “We aren’t friends?”

Thor shifted slightly, “I don’t know. I don’t really know you that well. But I might enjoy someone with your experience as my opponent.”

Loki could live with that. Especially since his trainer would have to go easy on him or suffer the prince’s wrath. “Is that you admitting I’m a better fighter?”

“No,” Thor scoffed, proving so at their first joint training session as he pinned Loki with a few trick moves.

His mirth didn’t last for long, Loki showing he wasn’t going to make things too easy as he managed to win the next one. 

They trained together for years before they were separated. It wasn’t anything against them, but as they matured Thor started needing bigger targets to hit and Loki needed someone more cunning to match up with. 

He still took lessons with Frigga, in fact, she was the one to start instructing him in more practical fighting. She was the only one in the palace with experience fighting with magic and a weapon. Not just a weapon either, knives. Loki went home more cut up fighting Frigga than any of the boys he’d first trained with. She never went easy on him, and Loki respected that. He wouldn’t get better if she was always holding back, and when he did succeed it felt like more of a victory. 

Thor never made jokes when he would meet up with Loki. There was some unspoken reverence for Frigga, her own son knowing better than to mock Loki for losing to her. It wasn’t like he made it out of his training unscathed either. His opponents were always either bigger or wider than him, one such person being Volstagg, a man that Loki was forced to interact with more and more as Thor trained with him. It took a while for Loki to put that face into his memories, knowing he’d seen him before. He was older now, they all were, but not by much. While Thor and Loki were probably fourteen, Loki potentially younger, Volstagg had breached his twenties. He didn’t look too different from the man Loki had tried to trick in the tavern however, so Loki placed him eventually. He just hoped Volstagg didn’t place him.

With Volstagg came his other two friends Hogun and Fandral. Fandral Loki took an immediate dislike too, namely because he kept lording his conquests in Loki’s face. Hogun Loki didn’t really mind, probably because he didn’t have much to say. Loki could respect that. 

“Your father’s sending us away again,” Fandral informed them one night. 

The Warrior’s Three, as they had named themselves, had been sneaking tankards of mead to Thor and Loki all night. The most recent round had disappeared around Volstagg’s hands leaving Loki ridiculously sober since he always seemed to find himself just one seat away.

“I suppose you will be venturing to some far off land,” Thor guessed. 

“With maidens and gold abound,” Fandral agreed, that annoying grin on his face. “A few weeks should do it.”

Thor hummed, “I wish I could be with you friends.” 

Liar. Loki knew not once since Thor had come back from Midgard did he ask his father to go on a quest. Suddenly the idea of upending other people’s lives wasn’t as appealing as it once was. In fact, Loki had once heard Thor asking Frigga if she was really happy in Asgard, whether she had only married his father because she had no other choice. He’d taken in Loki’s words, and while they never spoke about it together, whenever the subject of Frost Giants came up Thor kept his opinions to himself. 

Fandral laughed, not knowing the things Loki did, and clapped Thor so hard he almost fell from his seat. “Maybe next time. You still need to grow some more. You too Loki, no matter what Frigga’s been saying.”

What? ”Frigga’s been talking about me?”

Volstagg scoffed, “Talking isn’t how I would put it.”

“Gushing,” Fandral agreed. “She’s been gushing about your prowess, says we should take you with us. Try you out. I think she’s trying to see how you are in the real world.”

She wasn’t successful however, since if she was Loki would be going with them. “What changed her mind then?”

“The king doesn’t want you leaving,” Hogun said.

“Odin? Why?”

The Warrior’s Three shared a look, one even Thor seemed to be confused about before they all said different variations of they didn’t know. Loki didn’t believe them, but since they were leaving tomorrow he let it go. 

He much preferred staying back anyway. With the Warrior’s Three gone that meant Loki got Thor to himself, something that was harder to do by the day. It also meant that Loki could sneak around Asgard without being stopped every so often by one of his so called ‘friends’. So many plans he’d devised had been thwarted by that little problem. But no more, not for a few weeks anyway. 

They drank, or, the other’s drank, into the night, the four of them stumbling towards the palace when day broke, Loki skulking back to his hut without so much as a goodbye. It wasn’t like they could hear it through the mead. 

The late start didn’t help Loki in his training. By noon he was hunched over the weapons rack, trying to catch his breath. Thor was doing much worse, he was comatose in the field next to the training ring. Three buckets of water had already been thrown on him, yet Thor did not stir. 

By afternoon, Loki was seriously considering taking Frigga up on her offer to sup with her. His legs weren’t cooperating and Thor still hadn’t woke up. He found the strength from somewhere however, since he ended up at his hut when it got dark. 

He just wished that he was allowed to have one night of real sleep.

It was still dark when another knock came to his door. Loki blearily waved Thor in, his magic undoing the locks he’d managed to install at some point. Thor came down next to him, burrowing himself without asking underneath Loki’s furs. 

“What do you want?” Loki thought he’d asked, he wasn’t sure, he wasn’t really capable of keeping track of his mouth right now.

“I think you should dine with us tomorrow.” It wasn’t the first time Thor had been the one to ask since they had come back from Midgard. It was the first time he’d done so when Loki was trying to sleep.

“Why?” Since he obviously wanted something.

“Father was talking about Jotunheim tonight.” That had Loki awake. “There’s been talk of Frost Giants being seen in Niflheim. Midgard too. He’s been thinking about sending patrols to dispatch of them.” Kill them Loki replaced.

“So?” Even if his blood went cold wondering if a patrol would be sent if Odin thought a Frost Giant was still in Asgard. He didn’t like thinking of what Odin thought happened to him, all Loki did know was that he wanted to spend as little time with the man as he could. 

“So, maybe you can shed some light on why. Not because you’re a frost giant,” Thor rushed, even if the both of them knew that was half the reason for why Thor wanted his opinion. “It’s just, you understand more about why they might be in other realms. You’re not like father or me, you don’t see things from above. You might see things we’ve missed.”

Loki hummed, still half asleep. “You have an ulterior motive Thor, don’t think I don’t know.”

“So… you’ll come?”

Loki turned his back, not answering while he was too muddled to give a good response. 

He didn’t hear Thor leave, and the reason for why became clear the next morning when he woke pinned between Thor’s bear like body. It took only minimal effort to change shape, even less to change back as he screeched, laughing at Thor’s screaming. 

“How many times do I have to tell you not to do that!” Thor panted, glare coming out now he’d calmed down.

“How many times are you going to scream at a bear? You should know better, they’re more likely to attack if you panic.”

Thor tried to smother him with the furs. “One of these days it will be a real bear Loki. A real bear. You want me just lying passively then?”

They breakfasted in an uneasy truce, Loki letting loose giggles as he recalled Thor’s face again and again. They tottered to the training grounds together, Thor not letting Loki slip away today to spar with Frigga. He wanted his revenge and no one was going to deny Thor a chance to beat Loki up. Not when he’d pranked half the staff slipping a potion used for helping bowel movements into their ale last month.

“Ow,” Thor hissed, his revenge not going the way he wanted when Loki managed to outsmart him. Loki was keeping his chuckles in as he healed up the stab wound.

“This is why you need a shield.”

“This is why I have you,” Thor countered. He winced again. “Did you think anymore about what I asked?”

“Supper?” He had. “I don’t know.” He was interested. Really. Any mention of Jotunheim had Loki listening in. But he would have to sit with Odin. Loki hadn’t seen him except in passing ever since they’d come back from Midgard. 

“How about you just stay for a short while? If you truly wish to leave I can make an excuse up for you.”

It was tempting. “I suppose.”

The hiss this time was masking Thor’s delight, something Loki pretended not to hear. “Mother’s going to be very pleased.”

She was. As soon as she heard Loki was staying she was in full host mode. He was given a cup that was always filled, even if he took a sip, the best seat at the table and the best cut. He was treated like a king, it was just unfortunate the actual king was making him so uncomfortable he couldn’t fully enjoy it. 

Talk around the table stayed on good topics- at first. Training was covered far too soon. As was Loki’s magic. Thor, well, he tried engaging Loki in talk about the Valkyries, something the both of them had found they shared a passion for when Loki found out they were actually real. But, that too ended on an awkward silence, nothing but the cut of silverware breaking it. 

Finally, Thor tried asking about Jotunheim. “Have you given any more thought about what we talked about last night father?”

Which was promptly shut down with, “I think that is a conversation best saved for when we don’t have company. Frigga tells me you should be ready to set out on a quest soon Loki. If your training has my wife that impressed I should come observe for myself.”

Oh this was a bad idea. If Loki had just said no he could be back home right now, not looking forward to seeing Odin overseeing his training and not trying to make his cheeks bulge as he ate. Maybe Loki should have put this dinner off for a while before agreeing. Or, at least agreed on the condition that Thor teach him proper etiquette for dining with royalty.

Thankfully, as supper always did, it ended. Loki bid his goodbyes and was off into the forest with more things to worry about than before. He should have learned by now that Thor’s ideas very rarely worked out for the best. 

They hadn’t even talked about Jotunheim.

Worse, now Loki had consented to one supper Frigga wouldn’t let up with him joining others. He’d barely breached the training grounds before she was there, asking him if he had any plans for next week after training, maybe hoping to make last night a regular thing. It was only through the grace of still having imaginary parents that Loki was able to decline without hurting her feelings. Much.

“I hate you,” Loki told Thor later that day. 

They were around the back of the ale house, Loki magicking up tankards whenever his ran dry. Thor hadn’t originally been invited, but somehow he seemed to know that Loki was looking to get drunk and arrived after Loki’s second drink.

“No you don’t. Especially not when I have news.” He stole Loki’s drink, looking like he needed it as he motioned for another. “They are Jotuns. Father fears they’re planning war, or raids at the very least. Scouting the area anyway.”

“Makes sense if they’re desperate.” He saved his own tankard from another pilfering. “I don’t understand why you’re telling me this though. I mean, there’s nothing we can actually do about this.”

Thor cleared his throat uncomfortably. 

“Thor no.” Since he could see where this was headed. “We barely got away with going to Midgard, and even then we had a secret stream. There is no stream to Jotunheim. We’re not going. We can’t go. Like I said there’s nothing we can do about it.”

Thor shrugged, “Maybe not. But, shouldn’t we find out anyway?”

“Why?” 

“Why not?”

Loki didn’t buy it. “You’ve been avoiding quests since we came back, why now? What’s going on Thor?”

Sure enough, Thor dropped his eyes for a moment. When he looked back he had that blase look on his face, the one that tried to look like there was nothing suspicious about him at all. The one Loki had never bought. 

He didn’t have to wait long for Thor to crack. A few more tankards of mead, some stroking of his ego and Loki considering going to Jotunheim later, “Father’s going to kill them Loki. What if that was you? They might not be the monsters father’s always taught me they are, and if that’s true then we should warn them. We need to tell them that their actions have been noted. Father won’t.”

Loki sighed, “You’re too noble for your own good Thor.” Which meant that Loki was on board. 

There was no point not going. Thor was going to go whether Loki told him to or not, the best he could do would be to keep the idiot company. Especially if he refused to lift a hand to defend himself still. While he had started hitting back in training that was all he fought in. No bar fights, no street brawls. Thor was as clean as they came. Plus, if Loki didn’t go, he was probably going to be questioned by the guards when Thor’s body showed up. Put under torture Loki didn’t know if he would be able to keep his blue secret. 

Which meant come morning Loki had to start packing up supplies. Thor, Loki found out, had been planning this from the moment he heard about the problem with Jotunheim. In fact, he’d even planned for Loki to be with him from that moment. How Loki knew was that as soon as he was at supper that night, sitting in his same awkward spot as before, Frigga, in sheer desperation, it had to be, asked if he was looking forward to the hunting trip Thor was taking him on.

A hunting trip meant that they had a cover for why they wouldn’t be showing up for a week or so. What’s more, Thor had even got permission for them to hunt in Vanaheim, which meant they could use this Bifrost thing. 

Loki was given his own pack when he met up with Thor at the palace steps the day of the ‘hunting trip’. Frigga had packed it with care, even giving Loki a kiss on the cheek goodbye. It made something inside of him ache at the thought they were lying to her.

Thor led them down into the city with an ease Loki envied right now. They had no way to get to Jotunheim, they had no plan for what they would do when they got there. Loki wasn’t coming back from this trip alive, he knew that now. 

They came to the edge of the city, but instead of heading for the docks they walked towards that rainbow bridge Loki had always kept clear of. He didn’t like it. There was just something wrong about it. The whole thing was too long for starters. Thin too, like any wrong foot would break it. The seas underneath were always churning, like it could sense there was something wrong above it. Just setting foot on it had Loki’s skin crawling, yet Thor didn’t seem to feel it as he strolled the rest of the way to the golden hut at the end.

“Heimdall,” Thor called, his big hand waving about wildly. Loki feared for a moment he would fall off from the force. Thor didn’t.

The man at the other end waved back more sedately, “My Prince,” he greeted when they got into earshot. “I hope you aren’t going to seek out any unwanted danger on your travels.”

Which sounded far too specific to just be a passing comment. “You told him,” Loki hissed.

“No,” Thor hissed back. “But Heimdall has the gift of sight. He sees all.” And suddenly Loki had never been more afraid in his life.

The gift of sight, to see all, meant that Heimdall quite possibly knew. More than just about their trip to Jotunheim. He could know about Loki. About what he was. About their little excursion into Midgard… hmm. Maybe Loki wasn’t so scared after all. If Heimdall didn’t tell on them then he must have some agenda. Loki could work with agenda’s. But that would have to wait for another day.

With one swift push Loki watched as a great longsword was thrust into the heart of a plinth. The sky seemed to open up on them, a rainbow of colours blinding him, grasping him and pulling him up and up until his feet hastily touched unfamiliar soil.

Loki cursed the moment he got his breath back because this wasn’t what he was expecting when he thought of Jotunheim. “Why is it hot?” Far too hot. Hotter than Asgard.

“Vanaheim is always hot. It’s neighbour is Muspelheim, that way,” Thor pointed, the green grass giving way to a city and then mountains. “Jotunheim is this way,” He pointed opposite towards where the trees grew sparse. “Usually, the realms live separately, and Vanaheim is separate from both Mspelheim and Jotunheim, but, in places the veils are thin. Because of their magic, there are more veils here than there are on Asgard. It’s probably how the Jotuns are getting to Vanaheim anyway.”

“So we were never going straight to Jotunheim,” Clever. If they were going where they said they were going then no one had to call them a liar. 

“No. I want to see if we can spy any Jotuns from this side of the veil first before we venture into the cold.”

“I’m beginning to think you’re not as stupid as you appear Thor.” If they could see the Jotuns then they could gauge their purpose here. If they were ready for war they would be brandishing heavy weapons. Raiding not so much since they would likely wish to keep their presence a secret while they still had the element of anonymity. 

Thor made them walk towards where the trees disappeared completely. It was colder here, Loki breathing more easily now he wasn’t being suffocated. They stopped when Thor could see his own breath in front of him, the two of them finding good ground to make camp on while keeping that spot in sight. 

The fire helped warm Thor up, along with Loki’s cloaks since he only really wore them for comfort. They roasted the meat they’d brought from the palace, Loki finally venturing into the pack Frigga had given him as they waited for something to happen.

“But what do you think of her?” Thor asked later. It was dark, the fire the only thing keeping Thor in sight as no light from the far off city reached them. 

“I think you put too much thought into her for someone who cares so little.” The Lady Sif had been a big thing on Thor’s mind of late. If this thing with Jotunheim hadn’t happened Loki would have been hearing the exact same questions posed to him back at Asgard. It was just how things went now they were getting older. 

“I didn’t say I cared little about her. That would be cruel. I think she’s a very noble woman who deserves care devoted to her.” Loki bit down a smile as Thor struggled onwards. “But my feelings for her aren’t too caring. It would be inappropriate.”

“How? You’re a boy, it’s allowed.” Loki hoped when he found a woman he was interested in he wouldn’t be this love lorn. It was embarrassing just to listen to Thor sometimes.

Especially when he came out with things like, “To other boys perhaps. But I’m a prince. I can’t hope to dedicate myself to her now and then find out she isn’t the one for me later. It would be dishonourable to her and to myself. Sif doesn’t deserve my fleeting affection. She deserves devotion.”

“And you don’t think a boy who believes that about a woman is the right one for her?” If Thor was thinking long term then he was definitely smitten with her. Loki was still trying to get his first kiss never mind imagining the woman he had it with marrying and settling down with him.

“Yes. But I do not believe that person is me.”

“Then why are we having this conversation?” Maybe he could trap them together somehow when they got back. Granted he hadn’t died. If Thor managed to make himself not completely repulsive to her, perhaps she could persuade him to stop his moaning and just give the two of them a shot. Then again, if Thor did get with Sif it wasn’t like the moaning would stop. Loki had seen people in love. There was nothing they liked to do more than gush about the other. It would be like Fandral but worse because Thor would actually care for the wench. Maybe Loki could just make her disappear…

“Because we are friends,” Thor said, bringing Loki out of his thoughts to throw Sif into a pit. “And I would have your opinion.”

“You have other friends,” Loki pointed out. “Why not complain to them?”

Thor huffed, the noise heard but not seen in the menacing darkness. “Because they aren’t my age. Fandral has bedded almost half the court, and while Volstagg and Hogun are not as open I know they too have lain with a woman. They forget what it is like to be… hesitant. And besides, I thought you of all people would be able to relate to what I’m saying. Do you not fear when you meet someone that you will have to tell them about your heritage? Are you not hesitant too? Or have you already done away with your innocence and not told me Loki?”

“I haven’t,” Loki promised, even as his mind was stuck on what Thor had said. Truthfully, he’d never put any thought behind the fact that he was Jotun in relation to being with someone before. Thor was right, if he did find someone to be with, he would have to tell them eventually. It wasn’t just about the trust he wanted with them, but, if he got them with child, who was to say the child would come out looking Aesir? Loki was Jotun. Maybe not full Jotun but he was a Jotun, and while he was small his child may not be. “Still,” He huffed, needing to get the speculation off him, “You’re the prince. Prince’s are entitled to have some fun. It’s not like we’re christian.” Thor hadn’t known what to think when he found out that women had basically no say at all in the Midgardian christian religion. The idea that his the woman he would marry would have to be miserable married to him if she didn’t want to be appalled him. Even more than the idea that father’s actually bartered their daughters around like they were cattle. Loki didn’t even bother trying to explain what the women’s role was when she was married, he was sure Thor would want to return if he did, maybe not to fight, but he would be giving them a stern talking too before trying to steal their women.

“True. But it is never just fun for a prince. I have to think of the women I’m with. Whether they expect more of if they’re just using me to get some power. Father says there’s a good chance I may never meet a women who doesn’t want something from me.”

Yet still the women will flock to Thor. Especially if he continues to grow the way he is. Loki wouldn’t deny looking twice on occasion. “Woe to be you.”

Conversation dwindled as sleep settled in. They set up a watch, Thor taking the first shift since he was still dwelling on his plight with Sif. Loki slept better than he had in years, the cold soothing him into dreams of endless winter. 

He woke earlier than he thought he would, Thor clamping a hand around his mouth before he could ask why. Getting up more slowly, Thor tugged him away from the fire, the darkness concealing them enough to hide as they watched a blue figure walk the Vanaheim fields.

Loki felt his breath catch the longer he watched. The figure was far away, and Loki thought for a moment that maybe Thor had been mistaken when he said they were giants. Yet, as the Jotun neared the scant trees the figure that appeared small was really put into perspective.

While Loki only came to a small portion of the bark, barely off the ground really, this Jotun was the size of the actual tree top. The fur on its back was large enough to cover a fair bit of him- her?- which made Loki question whether it wasn’t just the people that were big there. 

The Jotun didn’t wander far, it seemed to be looking for something along the ground. Loki wished it was lighter so he could see better, right now the Jotun was just a lighter shadow in the dark. 

They hunkered down until the Jotun came back, Loki stilling the nearer they got. This was a Jotun, an actual Jotun. It walked past them with surprisingly silent feet, disappearing through the tear in the world without even a glance in their direction. Why would it, Loki and Thor were just ants in comparison.

“Did you see what he was carrying?” Thor asked.

“He’s a he?” Loki countered. “You can tell?” All he saw was the cloth covering their lower half. For a people living in a land of ice they didn’t wear much. 

“No, but they’re a singular species, I’ve told you. And it’s better than calling them an it.” True. “Did you see what he was carrying?” Thor asked again.

“No.” He was kind of otherwise occupied looking at a real Frost Giant. “What?”

“It was a pack of some kind.” Thor scampered off, heading towards the last tree the Giant had been at. 

Loki followed after a moment, his eyes still seeing flashes of blue. He conjured up a witch light to make sure they didn’t trip, keeping it aloft as Thor searched the ground for traces of what might have been in the pack. “What size was it?” Loki asked, his mind focusing back on their reason for being here.

“Small, around the size of ours.” Thor was thinking along the same lines then.

Loki set to looking himself, seeing if he could find footprints perhaps that could give him an idea of who might be aiding the Jotun’s. Unfortunately, the ground was too hard here to keep a footprint, and the Jotun had been careful when he lifted the pack. Thor and Loki retreated back to their banked fire empty handed. But not defeated.

“It could be spelled,” Thor proposed, trying to come up with ideas on how the pack could possibly be dangerous. Loki didn’t believe it was, Thor didn’t either, but they had to think of all other possibilities before walking into Jotunheim. “The Jotuns and Vanirs both practice magic. They could have made sure the spelled it small to not appear suspicious.”

“If that were the case your father would have been given reports about large weapons being made. It’s hard to keep things of that size hidden, even if the Vanirs do have magic.” Which meant that the Vanir’s were helping the Jotuns. The why remained to be seen, but if they weren’t smuggling weapons perhaps Thor’s thought to come here wasn’t completely idiotic. 

“Food then?” Thor proposed.

“Maybe. I think it might be something else though.” The Jotun’s wouldn’t be satisfied with a pack of food that size, even if they were desperate. Loki was just a small Jotun and even he had eaten almost everything Frigga had given him. It was only because he knew he would be hungry by morning that there was still something left. 

“Like what?”

“Guess we’ll have to find out.”

They walked to Vanaheim as soon as they reached their packs. Reaching the city by morning, Loki bartered what they’d brought for more food and furs for Thor. It would have been better if they had actually went hunting, Vanaheim was famous for their beasts, but it was easier to lug around scraps than a full animal. Quicker to eat too.

By mid morning they were out of pocket and walking back to the veil. They negotiated who was carrying what since Thor was going to be wearing the majority of the furs they had. No matter how they did it, the both of them ended up uncomfortable, so, with one last look at Vanaheim, they strolled into the veil.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't even finished yet and I have a dissertation to do. It's still in the hundred page range excluding these six chapters. I hope you like it.

Loki immediately changed his skin as soon as he stepped out. Jotunheim was colder than any winter Loki had lived through. His real skin gave him some relief, but even still he stole one of the furs he’d previously given to Thor. 

There was snow for miles on end. Loki’s eyes managed to pick up on little marks here and there, places someone would make to keep track of where they were. Or lead them back. Loki took the lead, he had to shuck his boots at one point, finally seeing why Jotuns barely wore anything, the snow was weighing him down, making it hard to walk. It wasn’t too uncomfortable either, his feet being tougher than the rest of his body. But Thor had no such luck, and soon lagged behind, out of breath and looking fairly close to complaining. 

There was nowhere to make camp. Where they had ended up had no cover, and since there was nowhere solid or even wood to make a fire with, they continued walking when it got dark. 

It would have been easier for a real Jotun to transverse Jotunheim. This was a place for giants, and their long legs would travel them further than Thor and Loki could walk in a day. Which meant there had to be cover, just not anywhere near them. 

Loki ended up using his magic to create a solid snow cover for them. It kept the worst of the winds out, but the cold couldn’t be magicked away. Thor was already rolled up shivering in his furs, Loki managed to burrow beside him not even asking if Thor wanted to share. He knew his body temperature was lower when he was in his real skin, and Thor didn’t need to be even colder. 

They set off again when they felt somewhat rested. The sky wasn’t as dark as it had been when they slept but Loki didn’t feel like he’d slept even an hour. It took them long, so long, to finally get to somewhere that looked habitable. 

There were huts, or what looked like huts, made out of large black stone. They towered over Loki, and these were just the small ones. Farther down there was a hall, the door from here looking the same height as these huts. Up close Loki didn’t even want to imagine how high it might be. There was no one out, the raucous noise coming from the hall at the bottom. 

“You think they’re in there?” Thor asked.

“Either Jotuns or ghosts.” He wouldn’t put it past Jotunheim, it had that kind of ambiance about it. “There’s probably a window we can climb up.”

There was indeed. Although getting up there was going to be a challenge. The black stone was smooth from some kind of carving and shaping which meant that footholds were hard to find. For Thor. Loki’s grooves in his hands and feet proved, once again, that perhaps Jotuns were used to scaling formations like this, ice most likely. The two of them had to compromise when it showed Thor really couldn’t scale the wall. They looped the packs together, one around Loki’s middle and one around Thor’s, Loki taking the lead as he basically dragged Thor up. 

It felt like an age before they reached the top. A good few hours had to have passed, and more than once Loki found himself slipping, saved only by sheer will not to fall. The window was open, the why being that the hearth was situated right below it. It had to be born of magic, since still Loki could not see any wood as he gazed inside. Instead, it seemed like everything was made of that black stone. Stone and bones. Nothing of an animal was wasted in Jotunheim. The furs were over the walls, on the giants that sat inside and even the books that were on the tables. The bones were made into furniture. They were larger than anything Loki had ever seen, all of them intertwining into amazing shapes. It was both beautiful and grotesque at the same time, like looking into Helheim. 

The whole village looked like it was there, seated comfortably in the giant hall. There was food aplenty to go around, even the hounds, Loki thought they were hounds, were being fed well. Which meant the idea that they were foraging for food was out the window.

“He looks like the jarl.” Thor pointed to the giant in the biggest seat. There was a smaller giant next to him, and another further down. His children maybe.

“Maybe.” Just because he had the biggest seat didn’t mean he was the Jarl. Anyone could have a hall, Loki didn’t know where the next village was, or how far away, for all Loki knew this could be just a wealthy villager. “Whoever he is it’s possible that the giant we saw is somewhere here.”

They didn’t climb back down, Loki wasn’t sure he could without falling, the latest batch of snow was making him slip on the ledge already.

Instead, they found where the fire wasn’t too hot and started skimming the ledge towards the furs on the walls. Thor was more at ease climbing down these, and since they were tiny in comparison to everything else here they reached the floor without being spotted.

The dogs had took a bit of interest in them, their noses facing their direction. Thankfully, they were more interested in the scraps they were getting since they too looked away after a while. 

The two of them found a secluded corner to sit themselves in, Loki venturing out now and then to fetch food and wine for their parched stomachs. Mainly, they sat there and listened, or Thor did since Loki didn’t have a clue what they were saying. He felt rather like a mouse as he stayed there. In the room but unnoticed, fetching scraps from a table not meant for himself. 

Thor had been right when he said Loki was small. He could see it now. Before, there had been a glimmer of hope that there could be some people like him in Jotunheim, yet not once since they had been here had Loki seen anyone but Thor around his height.  Not even the children were small. There was one that kept poking his older sibling’s face, no more than eight, and they were taller than Loki. 

It was no wonder he’d been left behind. 

“What are they saying?” Loki asked.

Thor twisted his lips a moment, “Just normal things really. I never- I mean, it’s hard to reconcile these people with the monsters from father’s stories.”

“So, nothing about Vanaheim?” 

Thor shook his head, less hesitant than he had been before to chew on the bit of meat Loki had brought him. 

The feast went on as food turned to more drink and more drink into tales. Loki knew they would have to leave and leave soon, it was a miracle they hadn’t been spotted so far. But the fire was so warm, and the floor much more comfortable than the snow he’d lain his head on the night before. It was no wonder he dropped off when he did, and when he woke, he would blame Thor for letting him sleep in the first place.

There was still talking when he woke. For a moment Loki wondered if he’d only dozed off for a few scant seconds. Then he realised that the fire wasn’t to his left anymore. He opened his eyes carefully, keeping his breathing as slow as it had been before as he looked through his lashes. Thor was still next to him, which Loki didn’t know was good or bad yet. He was awake too, almost on top of Loki either out of comfort or some other reason he didn’t know yet. The hard floor was gone, in its place were soft thick furs. There were two giants in front of them, the one that Thor was pretty sure was a Jarl and another one Loki only recognised by the fur on his back. It was the one from Vanaheim. 

He chanced sitting up, figuring if Thor hadn’t been harmed neither would he. Sure enough, the giants only glanced at him briefly before going back to their conversation. 

“What are they saying?” He was careful not to use Thor’s name. 

Thor listened a while longer. “They’re trying to decide what to do with us. The giant we saw in Vanaheim, he recognised us, well, me. He thinks we’re a spy.”

“And the other?” since if the both of them agreed Loki and Thor were spies Loki doubted he’d be lying on fur right now.

“He thinks we’re just kids that wandered through the wrong part of Vanaheim and don’t know how to get home.”

Well he wasn’t wrong. It would take a lot of careful backtracking before they found that veil again. 

“I’m sorry,” Thor said after a moment. “I should have kept a better ear on them.”

“Why? Looks to me like it’s just our luck that we always end up getting captured on our adventures.” Thor cracked a small smile at that, but Loki still felt like he wasn’t being given Thor’s full attention. “We both fell asleep. It wasn’t out fault.”

“No, but I should have heard them talk about putting a sleeping potion in our drinks.” 

Which… well, Loki wanted to say wouldn’t have been possible since he’d been careful to always steal the dregs the giants would have tossed, but there was always a possibility that he hadn’t been as careful as he thought. 

The giants argued for a while longer before the one from Vanaheim stormed out. The Jarl didn’t follow, instead turning to the two of them to speak a language that pricked the hairs at the back of Loki’s neck. It was a language he probably would have grown up speaking had he been brought back to Jotunheim. Thor answered, his words as careful as Loki’s had been.

“A Jotun that only speaks Asgardian?” The Jarl said, for the first time in a language Loki could understand. 

Thor switched too, “You can see why. I think he might have been taken before the war ended.”

The Jarl hummed, the sound an almost growl as it echoed around the empty hall. “How about something proper to eat then? You can warm yourselves by the fire as well as you tell me why you’re here.”

“Your hospitality is very welcome,” Loki said, laying on the charm. 

It was met with a more friendly look than the one the Jarl sent Thor. “You would have found my hospitality even more welcoming had you knocked instead of breaking in.”

They were given a seat to share, their dangling as the Jarl cut appropriately sized meat for them. He couldn’t do anything about the goblets, but Loki and Thor weren’t complaining. Small though they may be, their stomachs were big enough to drown a full grown giants cup with ease.

While Thor was a bit wary, picking at his food, Loki filled up the aching hole that had built up from all his walking. He knew better than to fear another potion. The Jarl had extended a guest welcome to them, and therefore they were safe from harm until they left his hall. 

The Jarl watched them like exotic creatures the whole time, his red eyes lingering on little things Loki and Thor did that piqued his interest. It was strange that he wasn’t more hostile considering the war hadn’t long ended, not by Godly standards anyway. Yet here he was, welcoming an Asgardian, or Vanir as he probably thought and his freakishly small Jotun companion. Then again, if Loki wanted to know something he probably would have sated his guests too. People were much more willing to speak their mind when they were comfortable.

“So, little ones, you are a long way from home, well…” He had the decency not to linger on Loki long. “Would you like to explain why you felt the need to hide in my hall?”

“We didn’t intend to,” Loki said, taking the lead before Thor could start on his whole warning for the Jotuns. If they told them right away they would be suspicious. There would be questions as to how Thor knew what he did. It was better if they just played it carefully. “We were going to go hunting in Vanaheim. Then we saw a Jotun when we were camping. I erm, I’ve never been here before and I was curious. I mean, I’ve been told all these stories about Jotunheim… but when we got here there was nothing. We thought there would be a hall or something if we kept walking. I only wanted a look, but then we got lost and-” He motioned around to the hall they were in. “We would have knocked but Torstein here, well, he wouldn’t likely be welcome.”

Thor had the grace to not object to the name, and Loki had done his best to keep it as near to Thor as possible. Their host at least, had relaxed somewhat through Loki’s story, so they weren’t going to be given over to be gutted. It was fairly believable too. Also a bit true. Loki hadn’t been to Jotunheim before. He had always wanted to know what the realm he should have lived in looked like. 

“Well,” Their host said, “In that case I am glad you have been able to visit us little one. No Jotun should be denied their homeland.”

“I’m glad I got to see it at least once,” Loki agreed. Thor had told him before they ventured here that Jotunheim was one of the prohibited realms. The only way to get there was through the Bifrost or a secret path, and the Bifrost needed the king’s permission to be used in the first place. Loki probably never would have actually seen Jotunheim had Thor not brought him along on his quest.

Their host was silent a while, the crackling of the flames the only noise as Thor finally finished the meal he’d been given. Eventually, he said, “You don’t have to see it just the once if that is what you truly wish. The other realms, I know, are often harsh for us to exist out of. While my hall is fairly larger for one of your stature, it could become home if you wished it.”

Thor tensed up beside him, his nails digging into Loki’s leg even if he didn’t say anything. Loki himself was shocked at the offer. He’d never considered before actually living here. It had never been a possibility. Once Midgard had been ruled out the only place for him was Asgard. The home where he was constantly in another skin so he wouldn’t be cast out. The home where, even in another skin he was looking over his shoulder to make sure he wasn’t discovered. If he was here, in Jotunheim, where he belonged, he could maybe make something of himself. The size thing was just a small thing to consider in the long run. While he was here he could learn about their ways, about their culture and how they lived. He could be himself, he could be more than himself. 

“That is a kind offer.”

“An offer that I am more than happy to make. Like I’ve said, no Jotun should be denied his home.”

Thor’s nails dug in that little bit more. “May I think on it?”

“Of course,” Their host said. “I must make arrangements anyway, if Torstein is to make it home.” He finally let his red eyes land on Thor, “I hope you will not mention your little excursion when you see your family again. If people were to know that there is a tear, I fear what may become of my people.”

Thor nodded, their host showing them to their previous pile of furs. He left them to it, promising to look in on them in the morning. Loki knew Thor had things to say to him, things regarding their mission and the proposition the Jarl had made. But, fed and warm, Loki once more abandoned all thought of talk in favour of sleep. 

He was first up the next day, the Jarl and his family welcoming Loki to their breakfast. He learnt that the two Thor had picked out the night before had been the Jarl’s children and the Frost Giant that they had seen in Vanaheim his wife?- mate? One of those. Loki tried to listen as it was explained, but often speech would slip into Jotnar and Loki was lost. Which was why he was more than glad when Thor stumbled his way up the large bench to the table. 

“Ah Torstein,” The Jarl welcomed, “You will be glad to know Geitla will be taking you home tomorrow.”

Quickly then, it looked like the Frost Giants weren’t too keen to have a Vanir boy with them longer than they had to. 

“What about Loki?” Thor asked.

“Loki can go if he wishes. However I hope he will consider my offer.”

“I am,” Loki promised. But, while he was here, it was perhaps best to do what they had planned. “So, do any of you know what an Einherjar is?” He hurried on when a sharp look came onto everyone gathered faces. “It’s just, Torstein and I heard his parents mention them the other day. They mentioned something about them being sent to Vanaheim.”

Geitla narrowed his eyes at Loki, not looking at all convinced even if the story was, again, true. “The Einherjar is the kings royal warriors. A boy who know Asgardian should be familiar with them.”

“Are they the ones in gold?” 

“They must be,” Thor agreed, his guile needing work. Thankfully he was eating so his tone could be mistaken fairly easily.

“So that’s what they are then.” He turned back to the Jotun’s. “They killed my parents. Well, my adoptive ones. Someone had told them that they were harbouring a Frost Giant and- you know.” They did know from the looks of it. “I wonder what’s making them come down again.”

“Has to be something.”

The Jarl sent Geitla a pointed look, showing that at least that part of their mission had been completed. Whether they would heed the warning or not would be seen however.

Loki let Thor plant more warnings throughout the day, leaving him in the hall as the younger Jotun’s showed Loki the sights. Things were more interesting now he actually had a guide. With their help he could see how the Jotun’s navigated this land, the way they lived now darkness wasn’t keeping them to the hall.

“It used to be better,” One of them said. “When we had the caket. We’re just barely living now.”

The casket being the heart of Jotunheim. Without it, their magic was weakened to the point where even conjuring ice blades was a challenge. It made Loki wonder why he wasn’t affected. Maybe because he hadn’t grown here. Something kept him able to perform. 

“We can’t even make potions without outside help,” The other said. “We have to sneak to Vanaheim to get ingredients if we want to heal our sick.”

Which explained their presence in other realms. Suddenly Loki wanted to be back in the hall helping Thor. He didn’t. Instead he planted seeds of trickery into the younger giants, giving them tips on how to sneak around where they shouldn’t. Maybe one of them would tell their sire about Loki’s hints. Maybe they would keep it to themselves and use it to sneak extra helpings. Either way, they had something to think on as they brought him back to the hall. 

Thor was by the fire, still, when Loki got back. He looked like he would never be warm again as he held his hands above the flames. Loki had half a mind to send an enchantment his way. He knew a heating one, Frigga had taught it to him, but before not he’d never really had the need to use it. The problem with Loki was always that he was too hot not too cold. 

Before he could even try however, one of the younglings spirited him away again, taking him to where they could look out one of the windows at the back. The reason for why became clear.

“So this is how you bathe?” Loki made clear.

“We used to use magic.” But then the war happened, Loki finished watching as the ice was melted by the flame that burned without wood. 

A great heap didn’t go far. In fact, it barely garnered a drop since most of it became steam and then ice again as it floated out of the bucket. But, eventually there was enough in the giant bucket for a good wash, the Jotun finding the temperature nice as they started to strip.

“Isn’t it too hot for you?” Loki had struggled as a child to get into warm water never mind freshly melted, hot water. It was only because he had a will to survive that he didn’t end his life when he turned into his teen years on Midgard, and Midgard, again, hadn’t even been that hot. 

“The water quickly cools after we take it from the heat.” 

At first, Loki had thought the whole reason for him being shown this was so he could inquire, later, for a bath himself. After a moment however, well, really looking back at the youngling’s face, Loki wondered if everyone around him was going to be sex crazed from now on. Although, he had to admit, there was something fascinating to seeing a full grown Jotun without its fur on. Mainly because Loki could see the similarities on his own body. It made him feel better that he wasn’t so different from these people. He had everything they did, just smaller. 

“How old are you?” Loki asked after his attention had waned.

The youngling didn’t look too much older than Loki, maybe a century or two. He was certainly taller, but he wasn’t yet full grown.

“Six hundred,” the giant answered. He seemed to know why Loki was asking, his eyes flitting back to the wall where Thor was hidden behind, “You’ll find you start slowing down even more than the Aesir’s when you hit the five hundred mark. We Jotnar need an extra few years to grow since we’re so much bigger.”

“Wonderful.” Another few years of being left behind then.

He wandered back to the main room after a while longer. Probably just in time too since he started hearing a sound that was universal really as fur started to be peeled back. 

Thor was sulking still when Loki hopped up beside him, he barely glanced Loki’s way as he hunched further into his furs. 

“I think it was a bad idea to come here,” Thor said.

“Probably,” Loki agreed, since he’d been saying the same thing from the beginning. “But I’m having fun regardless. It’s nice being around other Jotnar.”

Thor’s lip twisted, “So I guess that means you’re staying then.”

A smile threatened to quirk his lips up. “Why?” Thor didn’t want him to stay, how precious. He’d already known he wasn’t going to stay. He’d known ever since it was proposed. Jotunheim was great, and there was a lot he could do here. But, Loki found it too enclosed. After seeing other realms Loki couldn’t imagine being cut off from them. Yes, it was nice being able to breathe in his own skin, but, again, his own skin had its limits too. Loki was young, he didn’t want to settle like he knew he would if he stayed. If he went back with Thor there was at least the potential to go back to Vanaheim one day, maybe even Nidavellir or just somewhere. 

So he wasn’t staying. But that didn’t mean he was going to tell Thor that right away. He wanted to see how much the Prince was willing to do to keep Loki around. 

Thor hunched into his furs further, almost swallowed by them now. “I don’t blame you for wanting to stay.” He sounded like every word out of his mouth was torture. “I mean, you are one of them. But, do you think you would be happy here?”

Loki shrugged, “Don’t know. I guess I would find out.”

“What about your friends?” Thor demanded, finally finding an argument he was happy with. “What about Fandral?” Probably shouldn’t have started with him. “And Volstagg and Hogun? You won’t be able to see them again if you stay here. We’ll never be able to go on adventures like we talked about with them.” Like Thor had talked but never insisted on. 

“I can make new friends. Besides, I’m sure Jotunheim has places to venture to. I still haven’t seen Utgard. Who knows, I may even find my sire on my way.”

A lesser man would probably have decided that was cruel enough and stopped. Loki on the other hand had heard everyone else’s name mentioned but Thor’s. It was Thor who wanted him to stay, not the others. Yet still Thor didn’t argue for himself. Instead, he went dark. “And my mother? You won’t see her again Loki if you stay. I know you care for her. Can you honestly say you would be happy knowing you would never talk with her again. She’s basically be dead to you.”

“That’s not fair. How dare you use her against me. You know if you want me to stay with you all I had to hear was that  _ you  _ wanted me. You! Not some emotional manipulation of people I know would miss me. You’re the one that’s here Thor, not them. You’re the one who should be arguing for me, so do it. Or do I mean that little to you? Have you really just been keeping me around because your mother tells you to?”

Thor turned his head, his cheeks heating from more than just the fire. “You know I want you with me Loki.”

“Do I?”

“Of course,” Thor insisted. “You’re my closest friend. I want you by my side and I thought you knew that. It’s just, if you were considering staying while knowing all of that I thought maybe other people would be enough to bring you home.”

Idiot. “You realise I’m here, with you, in Jotunheim. Not the others. You.”

“Well, yeah but…”

Loki sighed, “Never doubt your own worth Thor. You’re as dear to me as I am to you.”

That cracked a smile, even bigger still when Thor realised Loki wasn’t staying. It turned sly once the mirth depleted. “I’m dear to you huh?”

“Of course,” Loki agreed. He set his best straight face up as he delivered, “Dearly annoying.”

They tussled on the too big chair until supper was called. 

Thor was quite possibly charming that evening as they dined with the Jotnar. His good spirits managed to sway some of the hesitance from the frost giant’s eyes and quite possibly brought about the first real peace between Aesir and Jotuns since the war. Loki, watching him, could honestly see some of the qualities that would make Thor a great king one day as he chatted about the meat they were being served. He had a way about him that just seemed to put people at ease. Well, when he wasn’t being an arrogant ass that was.

They were put to bed with a story this time, Loki listening attentively as heroes of Jotunheim’s past were revealed to him. Even Thor didn’t complain about them, Loki beginning to think that maybe that hesitance to fight wasn’t such a bad thing. Not in this instance. It gave Thor the chance to see these people for who they were, to look at them as more than monsters. They were a kingdom, just like Asgard, with their own history and heroes. Just because they had made a mistake did not mean that they deserved to be damned as a people. 

When morning came Loki wished he had more time here. He wanted to know more. To see more. If travel here wasn’t forbidden he was sure he would be back within a year, travelling or visiting this hall again. Maybe he would find a way.

Whatever the case their stay in the Jarls home was at an end. He wrapped up some provisions for them, promising it wasn’t that far of a walk was Geitla, as soon as they were beyond the village, scooped them up like children. With Giant legs walking for them they reached the hidden veil by nightfall. 

He didn’t journey to the other side with them like Loki thought he would. Instead, he set them down, pointing out the crack in the realm where the air flew that big warmer than the rest. “Be on your way little ones,” he nudged.

They nodded their thanks, Loki starting only to see Thor wasn’t following. “Thank you,” Thor said instead. “For not treating us ill. I know you had a right to. Especially me.”

Geitla shook his head, “You are a child, harming you would bring us no relief.”

“But still,” Thor insisted. “Thank you. And… I’m sorry. About your realm.” 

The surprise on Geitla’s face showed how little he was expecting gratitude of any kind never mind an apology.

“I know,” Thor went on, “That you are very fortunate. That your village is probably the only one with access to Vanaheim. We weren’t lying about the talk of the Einherjar. And I wish things could be different because I know you need help, and I’m just… sorry.”

Geitla knelt down. “Apologies don’t do much little one. But it is still nice to hear them.”

They didn’t shake hands. Thor hadn’t touched a frost giant by his skin the whole time he was there, but it wasn’t like he needed to here. In just a single nod, Thor managed to keep the peace between himself and Geitla, turning only when he had to catch up with Loki.

Vanaheim was sweltering in comparison to Jotunheim, even at night. Even shifting into his other skin Loki was hot, soon stripping off the rest of his scant furs until he collapsed naked onto the camp they had made so many nights ago. The fire pit was still there, and for Thor’s comfort rather than his own he lit it with a wave of his hand. The meat they’d been given was gone come morning, and although the pair of them were exhausted from their trip, they decided it would be best if they actually did what they said they were doing and packed up.

“I’m proud of you,” Loki said as they walked towards the forest near the city. “There’s not many people I can think of that would be sensible enough to apologise for what we saw.”

Thor smiled sheepishly at the thanks. “Well, it was the right thing to do. There’s a difference between war and peace. I know Jotunheim is being punished, but it was the king’s actions not the people’s that brought them to a defeat. Why should everyone suffer over the actions of one person.”

“Keep talking like that and maybe Asgard isn’t doomed after all.” 

They changed the topic to lighter things as they roamed the woods. Loki didn’t want to think on what he’d left behind. The opportunities he’d passed up, the truth’s he could have found, all of them that were gone from him now. So he focused on the hunt, and of teaching Thor how to properly set up a trap.

Which reminded him, “Why did you keep stealing my hunt when we were younger?”

“Your…” It dawned on Thor in a matter of wide eyes. He laughed a little sheepishly. “So, that was yours.”

“I almost went hungry,” Loki accused, even if it wasn’t strictly speaking true. 

Thor laughed again, the awkwardness seeping off him. “In my defence, I thought the guards had set it up for me. They used to do things like that so I could get father to spend some time with me.” 

Loki grinned to show there were no hard feelings, letting Thor make the next snare.

“Although, I did wonder why they stopped working,” Thor noted. 

He asked a lot of questions after that, wondering where else Thor might have seen Loki around without him knowing. The market wasn’t a surprise. Thor had remembered that the moment he’d spied in Loki and his mother conducting their first magic lesson. But other things did, times Loki hadn’t even known Thor had seen him. 

The reminiscence kept them happy through the night and into the next morning. When they walked back to where they had been dropped off from the Bifrost they hadn’t had such a successful hunt, but since they had done their job warning the Jotnar that their presence had been noted Loki wasn’t too disheartened. 

“Heimdall!” Thor called, the rainbow light taking them up and back to Asgard in moments. 

Odin was there when they landed, he was there for pleasure rather than business however as he took Thor’s hunt off him and started congratulating him on the beasts he’d felled. 

“They’re not that impressive,” Thor mumbled, his red cheeks proving how much he liked the praise. 

“Nonsense,” Odin scoffed. “Why, I didn’t get even a rabbit on my first hunt alone. Truly my son, wonderful.”

Loki, if he thought he was going to be disappearing back to his hut, had another thing coming since Odin personally made sure Loki stayed for the feast that night. There was a celebration in place for Thor’s successful venture, much different from the sombre atmosphere that had greeted them on their return from their first quest. There were songs, dances and food that rivalled Jotunheim in terms of portions. The Asgardians were praising their prince’s new independence, and from the whispered words Loki heard Odin and Frigga share they too were glad that Thor was finally starting to venture outside of the palace. 

Loki got home on shaky legs, falling into a slumber just inside his doorway. He thought his dreams would be dark, full of nothing with how exhausted he was. Instead, he dreamed of snow banks and frost giants.

Loki asked, when he could over the next few weeks if Thor had heard anything about Jotunheim at dinner. Alas, Odin was keeping his worries to himself, which meant that the two of them had nothing but their hope to go on as they went about their day to day tasks. 

The Warrior’s Three’s return garnered another celebration. But, more importantly, a distraction from the tumtulous thoughts that kept summoning themselves to Loki’s mind. Namely because Fandral was being twice as infuriating now he too had noticed Thor’s interest in Lady Sif. 

They took time out of their day to come kidnap Thor from his training. Loki too if he was nearby. The reason for why being they were basically stalking Lady Sif. From afar, even Loki could admit she was beautiful. Her hair was luscious and golden. She was around their age too, maybe a few decades older. But, most importantly, at least to Fandral, she was very set in her womanly shape.

She no longer had the look of a child, like Loki. Instead, she was taller than even Thor, Volstagg mentioning that girls always grew faster when he joined them on one of their jaunts. He wasn’t wrong either. Gone was her flat chest, the replacement leaving Thor practically drooling despite his protests to the contrary. She had curves, she had looks, she was also looking right at them. 

“Hey!” Thor squeaked as the hammer embedded itself in the dirt next to his foot. 

“Hey yourself,” Sif yelled back, “How many times do I have to tell you to stop following me.”

“We’re not following you.”

Loki left, knowing this wouldn’t be sorted anytime soon. He had better things to do with his day than watch this pathetic mating ritual. Just like he had the day before. The day before that too.

Fandral caught his arm before he got too far, falling into step with him. “Honestly, those two,” he sighed, like he hadn’t orchestrated the whole thing. “Makes me glad I’m not your age anymore. Oh the awkward one nights…”

“Did you want something?” Loki asked, knowing this little walk wasn’t for the sake of it. Fandral liked nothing more than watching Thor make a fool of himself. If something had taken his attention away from that then it wasn’t good news for Loki. 

“Just to ask whether you wanted to join Hogun and I on one of our jaunts tonight.”

“Volstagg not going?” Since he never missed out if he could. 

“Volstagg has himself a woman he’s been spending a lot of time with of late,” Fandral said 

Which was new to Loki. “You’ve just come back, how has he got himself a woman?”

Fandral waved a hand, “Oh he’s been seeing her before we left. Just didn’t want to say anything until he knew it was serious. Or, until he managed to bed her anyway.”

Loki felt his nose twisting before he could help it. “Is everyone this obsessed with sex when they get older?”

Fandral laughed, tugging Loki down a walkway that wasn’t on his way home. “Don’t worry, you’ll catch up. Now, about tonight, you in?”

Loki didn’t even pretend to consider it. “No.” He didn’t want to drink, or ogle women or anything but sleep in his bed tonight. Especially if Fandral was going to be the one hosting him. 

“Not even if there’s a chance of some fun?” 

“Fun?” It wasn’t the word that had Loki stopping but rather how it was said. There was barely anything that Loki liked about Fandral. He was too loud, too obscene. But, on occasion, they found a common interest. One of those things being a penchant for mischief. It turned out Fandral had a mean streak just as broad as Loki’s. He may not carry his thoughts out like Loki did, but, it was there nonetheless. “What kind of fun?”


	7. Chapter 7

Loki found himself in the ale house later downing a tankard. 

“The way I see it,” Fandral had said earlier, “Thor needs a bit of a push to go after Lady Sif. I think we can both agree once he has a bit of fun of his own he’ll stop being so unbearable.” Unbearable wasn’t the word Fandral wanted to use, but Loki had let it slide in favour of hearing the rest of the plan.

An elbow caught his rib, Loki putting his tankard down to see where Fandral was nodding. The Lady Sif, accompanied by a gaggle of girls were strolling through the door, all of them heading towards the back where an older girl had gathered drinks for them. They were at the only establishment that let people her age get as drunk as they liked which was probably why Fandral stood out like a sore thumb. He was one of three of the oldest people there, the other being Hogun who had quickly wandered off when he realised he’d been forced to bear witness to some trap he didn’t want to be a part of. 

It was because of this that Loki changed before Lady Sif could take stock of the room. His hair grew longer, his chin more angular. There were things growing on his chest and with another flick of his hand his clothes changed to that of a dress and cloak. He downed the rest of his drink with a grin, slapping Fandral for good measure before stalking in Lady Sif’s direction.

Ladies were naturally kinder than men when it came to some drama since one of them immediately latched themselves onto Loki within a few moments. 

“Poor thing,” One of them murmured as Loki span a tale of piggish behaviour from Fandral.

“Someone should have warned you about him,” Another said.

“He’s nothing but bad news,” Lady Sif finally piped up, “I see him hanging around the prince. He’s been encouraging Thor to follow in his footsteps.”

“You know the prince?” Loki asked, and then that was it. He was in.

Sif was quite proud of her relationship with the royal family. She didn’t lord it over the other girls, but there was a part of her that wanted to, that held itself back. It was just common at this age, Loki found, as the girls around him kept trying to present themselves as the best potential mate possible. 

The talk stayed on Thor even when Sif tried to steer it away. Loki noted it wasn’t from lack of interest however, but because she was uncomfortable. Especially since her friends kept telling her to call them over when Thor was around.

“He’s not even that charming,” She said, the liar, since if he wasn’t charming she wouldn’t be turning red. “He just follows me around for a while.”

“You should take advantage of it,” One of her friends suggested. “Even if you don’t care for him imagine what you could do while you still have his interest.”

“Ooh, you could get a new horse. One from the royal stables,” Another chimed in.

“Or, he could take you to Vanaheim. I wonder if the fields are really as green as they say.”

“That’s kind of cruel don’t you think?” Sif asked, even if she seemed somewhat interested in some of those suggestions. 

“Not really. I mean, it’s his own fault for not taking the hint.”

Loki was forced to sit until the drinks ran dry. When the girls got up he was invited to follow, which he did, tactfully angling himself to Sif’s side. They ended up in the upper end of the city, where the halls grew larger and the people more wealthier. Sif’s own abode was fairly sized, the insides empty as she told them her parents were staying at the palace tonight because of some council decision that needed passed. 

Talk stayed on Thor as more drinks were poured, which made Loki’s job easier. Keeping himself at Sif’s side, he started lamenting all of Thor’s good qualities, wishing he were the one with his attentions. He threw in a good few stories that were somewhat real, about Thor being kind to him, helping him pick up his new dress when he dropped it in the dirt. Offering to pay to have it cleaned. Even spouting poetry he’d found sounded nice to his friends.

“I mean, how many boys our age even know what poetry is never mind recite it? He was willing to withstand ridicule from his peers and took to do it anyway. It speaks of a romantic heart,” Loki sighed, the girls around him agreeing readily. 

“I didn’t know you’d even seen the prince,” Sif noted, the only one not hanging onto his every word. If he didn’t know better he would say there was a hint of jealousy in her tone. 

Good. He could work with jealousy. “Well, my mother’s a seamstress. I see the prince whenever he comes around with work for us to do.”

“Your mother’s Siv?”

The defence he’d prepared fell flat. He hadn’t heard that name in so long. He knew it wasn’t his Siv, the one that had found him as a child. He knew that it was a common enough name, Midgardians often honouring Gods by naming their children after them. But some part of him couldn’t help but wonder if it was her. If she was born anew on Asgard, young and healthy, working her craft without the burden of a blue baby to weigh her down. He hoped she was unhappy. 

The room swam back into focus, Loki realising he’d been silent long enough for suspicion to fall on all the girls faces. “No,” Loki said, his voice cracking. “Er, no, she’s not. The prince just comes to us for little things. He often has his friends clothes mended there. The dark haired one.”

It was a good story, good enough that he was able to sway some of the girls back on his side. Sif still didn’t look convinced, a sly look entering her eyes as she asked, “The tall one or the dirty one?”

“Dirty?” Loki ground out, careful to keep his tone neutral. Dirty? Him? He washed. Repeatedly. More than Thor even since the prince didn’t have to gut animals every night if he wanted to eat. 

“Oh yeah, he is kind of dirty,” One of the girls agreed. “You’d think he would tidy himself up a bit before seeing the prince.”

“I wonder where they even met,” Sif grinned, something in her eyes telling Loki his game was up. She knew it was him in front of her. He knew he should have changed the colour of his hair. “You would think the prince had higher standards than befriending a boy like that. One would think he was homeless with the way he dresses.”

Loki barely stopped his fists clenching, his magic begging him to be let loose. He kept himself fairly calm, he thought, as he said, “Well, it’s not for us to judge is it. We can’t stop decide who the prince befriends.”

“I guess,” One of them agreed. “But I tell you Sif, if you do end up with Thor I would convince him to drop that weird friend of his. It’s bad for his image, and yours.”

Sif hummed in agreement, “Oh I will.”

The topic changed, and although Loki had been caught out by Sif he hadn’t by the others. It would be weird if he left now, and since Sif didn’t reveal him to the others he had no choice but to stay. It was some petty revenge, he knew from the look Sif kept casting him, that he was forced to sit through mindless talk about things that had little interest. The only saving grace was that there was ale.

Hours he was there talking about boys and sex and things that anyone but Loki would be interested in until finally, thankfully, the end seemed to be in sight. It started with one girl, the oldest of the group, finding a nice warm corner to set herself down in. Loki hadn’t even realised she was asleep until he saw the next one succumb. After that, it was like a domino fall, one after another until just himself remained. Even Sif had dropped off, curled nicely between two of her friends. 

It was the perfect time to escape. One that Loki made gladly, stopping only when a small knife caught his eye. 

He blamed Sif, later, for leaving it out, giving him the idea. But in the moment all Loki could think about was the word ‘dirty’ said over and over again. If Sif wanted to talk appearance, then let her. See how Thor likes her without her hair.

He stumbled home when he was done laughing like a maniac. Yet no one bat an eye at him. Young, drunk, happy, there were hundreds of others in the same predicament. The only difference was it wasn’t the ale that had Loki in good spirits.

The pun had him laughing again until he fell face first into his pile of furs. 

The sun blinded him in retaliation when he woke. Everything was aching, probably because he’d fallen rather than lay himself down gently when he came home. The aches stayed with him as he limped to the training grounds. 

He was surprised, when he got there, to see a huddle instead of the small groups that were usually already sparring. One of them looked back when Loki approached, his eyes going wide before mutters spread and, well, Loki had an inkling what this might be about now he thought about it. 

“Loki,” was the only warning he got before Thor pushed himself from his familiars. 

“Thor,” Loki mocked, keeping all guilt from his face. He’d done nothing wrong. “What’s going on? You’re not having a meeting without me are you?”

“Loki,” Thor growled again. “You have anything to tell me?”

“Not really.” Oh Sif had definitely told on him. If Loki hadn’t shaved her head last night he most certainly would have been considering it now. 

“So you don’t have anything to do with Lady Sif coming to the palace this morning screaming about you cutting her hair?”

“Me?” he clarified. “Why would I cut here hair?”

“I don’t know, you tell me.” 

He would have to think fast before Thor completely believed her. Right now, he was in the medium to believe Loki so long as he gave him a good reason to, and Loki was nothing if not a good liar. “Thor, I’ve never been near enough to Sif’s hair to even graze it never mind cut it. Besides, I was at home.”

Thor narrowed his eyes, “So if I ask Fandral and Hogun one of them won’t say you were out drinking last night.”

“Well they will,” Loki couldn’t exactly deny that. Especially because while Fandral would keep Loki’s silence Hogun wouldn’t. “But I left as soon as Fandral started pawing at that girl. Hogun wasn’t around so there was no point in staying really.”

“Girl?” Thor asked, his front starting to drop.

“She was a bit young for him, but, you know how Fandral is. If they’re interested he’ll give it a go.”

Thor nodded, knowing this well. “Lady Sif said this woman was you Loki.”

He pulled a face, “You think I would sit on Fandral’s lap?”

“If it were part of some other mischief maybe,” Thor agreed. 

“Well I didn’t and I wasn’t.” If he let this go on further there was no way he wouldn’t be punished. They’d probably have him on cleaning duty. Or worse, guarding. If there was one thing Loki didn’t like at all it was the fact he had to guard once a week as part of his training. To be made to do more, well, he was sure everyone would like it better if things didn’t come to that. Loki’s mind got devious when it was left idle. So he huffed, putting on his best affronted pout as he said, “You really think it was me don’t you? Thor, if I wanted to shave Sif’s head don’t you think I would have done a better job of it. For one, I would have transformed into something not even she could see through. Another, I wouldn’t have done it myself. You know I don’t like getting my hands dirty.”

Thor deflated fully at that, “You really don’t,” he muttered.

“Exactly. Now if you’re done dragging my name I’m going to get my shield. Your mother will be waiting for me.” He strode off, safe in the knowledge that while Sif would know for years to come that it was him under that guise, Thor would defend Loki until his last breath. 

Still, that was Thor, and while Frigga wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt she didn’t. However, since she thoroughly defeated him in their training session and had him use his magic to fix some of her armour plates she said he’d been sufficiently dealt with come late afternoon.

All in all, Loki had wiped his hands of Sif. He didn’t want to look at her, listen to her, even hear about her and thought if he tried his hardest that wouldn’t be hard to achieve. However, fate had other plans for him since as soon as Loki stepped foot on the training grounds the next day there was another huddle. Only this time it wasn’t Thor they were crowding around.

It took a moment for Loki to place the face. Gone was her flimsy dress and soft bracelets and in its place heavy armour and a look that would kill. Her missing hair made her stand out all the more, for while she looked like a woman still, the beauty that had once enraptured many Loki’s age was subtly lacking.

“My, don’t you look fierce,” Loki commented, his tongue wishing to say something different than fierce. Especially since she had no problem calling him other things either. “I thought women were trained elsewhere. Any reason why you’re roughing it with us?”

Sif’s glower didn’t lessen at all as she said, “I thought what better way to stop someone else from shaving my head than to train with the brute that cut it in the first place.”

He plastered on a smile, well aware the soldiers around him still had their suspicions it was him. “I’m sorry, I don’t think I quite get your meaning. But, if you like, the Queen has taught me many rejuvenating spells. Perhaps after this I could help grow your hair to a more suitable length.”

“I wouldn’t-”

“That’s a great idea!” They turned to see Thor grinning his way over to them. “I was going to take Lady Sif to mother, but your magic is just as good. Don’t worry Sif, Loki will have your hair grown back in moments.”

She looked like she had a lot to say to that. But somehow she’d gotten a place here, with them, and common sense to play nice with Loki won out over the accusations she wanted to throw. Everyone could see the smile she put on wasn’t sincere as she ground out, “That would be nice.” 

But no one commented on it. 

Instead, Loki made his way over to the axes, making sure to keep one eye on Sif at all times as he started his throwing practice. 

She was good. Better than good really. After a few weeks, and with hair that wasn’t exactly, “Not at all my colour Loki!” 

“I’m sorry, but that’s how it’s growing out,” she soon forgot about her grievance and dedicated herself to this opportunity she’d been given. From being forced into her company more than he wanted, Loki learned that the favour she had been meaning to swindle out of Thor while he was still besotted was in fact some fighting lessons. She wasn’t satisfied with the meagre opportunities court life presented her, and instead longed for adventure. Something she wouldn’t get with the Valkyries either. She had considered it, just as Thor had before he learned they were all women, but the Valkyries trained long and hard. They lived up in the mountains on the plains of Vanaheim, and while no one had heard of them in a good few centuries, the stories that were told of them left little time for exploring and fun. It also left little for men, something Sif wasn’t willing to give up in return for a sword. 

Shield maidens weren’t unheard of in Asgard, but among the royally trained warriors that Loki was with they were few and far between. The only one Loki knew of was Frigga, and she had told him long ago that they never actually trained women to be shield maidens. The ones they had were often Valkyries that were dismissed or kicked out for petty rule breaking. Often because they had found themselves with child or marriage opportunities.

Sif had really took a chance when she asked for her favour, but even Loki could see she was happier here than she had been sitting with her friends talking about nothing. 

Her continued presence and renewed beauty of course sparked even more interest in Thor. Often Loki found him passed out after a man got a good knock in, proving that while Sif was improving Thor definitely was not. It was all he heard about when they were in private too, Thor asking if they should ask Sif if she wanted to do this or that, or even if a girl would like doing this or that. It got to the point where Loki swallowed his own pride and asked on Thor’s behalf if Lady Sif would like to join himself and the prince on their outing that afternoon to which she said yes. 

He supposed he should have been happy. He should have left them to it and sparked some notion about meeting up with Volstagg for hunting tips. Instead he followed them like a dark shadow, not saying anything but most definitely there. 

It was his right to be there, he argued to himself. Thor had asked him to come too. In fact he’d insisted, especially when Sif had said yes. Therefore, he shouldn’t feel weird about trying to interject his own opinions into the conversation. He most certainly shouldn’t be feeling off when Thor grazed Sif’s palm with his own. He shouldn’t, either, be feeling elated when a guard came to collect Thor after he’d missed his family meal. Especially because it meant he was left alone with Sif.

Sif who was still red after Thor had kissed her hand goodbye. 

He sighed when Thor got out of sight, knowing his good manners were going to win out no matter what. “You want me to walk you home?”

“I’m capable of taking care of myself,” Sif pointed out.

“And that wasn’t what I asked,” Loki countered.

She glared at him a moment before motioning her head towards her home. 

They walked in silence for the most part, both of them quickening their steps to get this over with as soon as possible. It was only when they were near her hall that Sif spoke up. “I know it was you. I don’t care what Thor says you cut my hair.”

“I don’t know who cut your hair Sif, but I grew it back.” He was sticking with his story until death. “You should be thanking me.”

“Probably,” She grumbled.

He stopped, “What?”

“Not for the hair,” She snapped. “But, without all this happening I wouldn’t be training in the palace. So…”

If he’d cared at all about Sif he probably would have been pleased at the truce she was somewhat proposing in that half felt thanks. But it was because she was now training at the palace that Loki had to be on this walk today. It was because of her that any of this even happened. 

So he walked her home, and then he left, knowing tomorrow Loki would be getting a second by second replay of everything he’d lived through the day before from Thor. 

He thought, as the weeks went past, that maybe he wouldn’t be as bothered by Sif and Thor’s budding romance if he had someone of his own to dote on. It was just a natural response, he’d told himself, to seeing two people happy that he would want it for himself. He was at that age, maybe his budding interest in sex really was there he just hadn’t recognised it when it reared its head. 

Regardless, after weeks of being forced to join Thor and Sif on their excursions Loki started hunting for his own woman. He found her too. A girl a few years younger than him called Siggy or something. 

She was pretty to look at, and her blonde hair gave Sif conniptions when Loki first introduced them. She was okay to talk to as well. She had a love for animals, and was more than ready to carry Loki around when he turned into a fluffy creature for her amusement. She got him some nice things as well after he brought her little presents of his own. A nice gem necklace was one of the finer things he’d received. The only problem with it being he could only wear it when he was an animal, and one of the smaller ones too. There was also the nice new bowl she got him… one she kept filling with milk.

It occurred to him when he was being pet, again, on one of their walks around the market, that he was more pet than lover. Especially because they hadn’t even kissed. Loki had tried. Especially when he caught Thor and Sif at it, but Sigyn had only turned her face and asked him to change into something small and fluffy when he pulled back. 

He let it go on for a bit longer before breaking it off. 

Strangely he didn’t feel the sorrow the others were talking about when he did. 

“You’ll get over it,” Volstagg said, giving him a solid whump on the back in solidarity.

“I already am,” Loki hissed, trying to peer over his shoulder to spy a bruise.

“That’s the spirit,” Fandral chimed, “And since you’re now single, and finally interested in the fairer folk, I suggest we spend the rest of the night testing out your charming skills.”

“No, thank you,” was what he tried to say. Yet later that evening Loki found himself sitting beside a woman that was easily twice his age. Fandral had ‘gifted’ this one to Loki after he’d taken her younger friend for himself. While Loki was easily over two hundred, nearing three really, he was still fourteen in body, and had no desire to actually follow through on some of the suggestions Fandral had hissed in his ear earlier. Instead, making sure he stayed on Fandral’s good side and away from the table where Sif and Thor had now joined the rest of their friends, Loki amused the woman next to him with slight of hand until she was fully dazzled. 

Maybe a bit too much as she piled another tankard into his hand and started muttering about getting away from here.

It took quick wits to get out of that situation, but it didn’t stop him from being slapped the next day by not only the girl Fandral had charmed, but Siggy too. Apparently there was a waiting period before he could start flirting with other people again. 

“It’s not even that I liked her,” he said, Frigga’s cooling charmed hand keeping his face from swelling. “I didn’t. I don’t even know why I started hanging around her. I blame Thor. If he hadn’t started hanging around Sif I wouldn’t have thought to find Sig- whatever her name was. Then I wouldn’t have been slapped. So, yes, it’s his fault.”

Frigga patted his cheek lightly. “Honestly Loki, you can’t blame Thor for your own decisions. Just because you were jealous did not mean you had to lead this poor girl on. You might not have felt anything but she did Loki.”

He tried to scrunch his face up, but his face started stinging. “Doubt it. You should have seen how she treated me. I’m surprised no one laughed at me. She bought me a collar.”

Frigga had nothing to argue against that. Even she had seen how Sigyn had treated him. She had paraded Loki around like a prized cat, especially when he was a cat wearing that damned collar. Which he had to give back. He could have bought himself food for a year with the gems on that thing. 

“And I wasn’t jealous,” Loki insisted. “Just, I don’t know.” Annoyed that the only person had could stand was being held captive by Lady Sif’s affections. 

Another pat had him brought back to the here and now, Frigga charming a bit of her dress to rest coldly against his cheek as she started plaiting his hair. “If you ask me, I think you should leave this whole romance business for a while. You’re barely in your teens, you’ll have time to chase women around plenty when you’re ready. Trust me when I say you’ll enjoy a woman’s affections more when you’re actually interested than trying to force it now.” She was right, Frigga was always right. “In the meantime, how about you and I take a trip to Vanaheim together?”

“Really?” They had always talked about going to Vanaheim. When Loki had been younger it had been so he could meet more magic users to help him with his craft. Older now, and far more advanced than he had been, it was more about taking him to see the library the Vanir’s held in their gilded halls. The only reason they hadn’t been already was because Frigga always had duties to attend to in Asgard. Odin may have been king but Frigga did most of the work.

“I don’t see why not. I have a few free weeks ahead of me. Not to mention it might be good for you to keep a low profile for a while.” She told him he’d have to make sure his parents approved, which wouldn’t be a problem, and to be ready to leave at the end of the week.

He packed easily enough, the travelling pack Frigga had gifted him last time doing well to hold in the sparse clothes he had. He made sure to give his excuses to his trainer, as well as do his deals quickly at the market. By Friday he was ready to go, stopping only to make sure he was washed until his hair shone after he remembered that comment that still wouldn’t leave his mind from Sif.

Frigga was waiting for him at the Bifrost, dressed more casually than Loki had seen her in a while. She took his hand when the rainbow light overtook them, and Loki didn’t let go when they landed. 

It was different, this time, from the last time Loki had been to Vanaheim. Firstly because it was hotter than before. “Muspelheim’s having their summer. The warm air should make our stay a bit uncomfortable, but no less enjoyable.” Which was easy to say when Frigga wasn’t a frost giant in disguise. 

They journeyed up to Vanaheim’s central hall, the structure not as lavish as Asgard but no less beautiful. There was magic here that was absent from Asgard, beauty too, since where Asgard liked their golden structures Vanaheim preferred the natural beauty of nature. Even on the palace they were to be staying in there was nature everywhere. Ivy climbed up the towers and shielded the sides. There were flowers blooming along the worn paths and large trees shading the inhabitants, shaped into archways and staircases. It was a world he never would have dreamed of back on Midgard, yet one he was standing in nonetheless. 

Since it was the two of them, Loki was given the rooms Thor would usually inhabit. There were touches of Thor everywhere here, Frigga saying she loved bringing him when he was a child. When he wanted to still spend time with her was left unsaid, but even Loki had noted the distance that had come between them of late.

He didn’t even unpack when he got in, just put his pack on the bed before going out to explore. There were springs that Vanir’s were taking a special interest in, the heat off them making Loki turn his nose up. The market Loki had already been to, but this time, with more coin in his pocket, he dawdled on the stalls he hadn’t looked at closely last time. He found a dagger that caught his eye on one of the blacksmith’s stalls. It… well, it made the one he always clutched to his chest look shabby. The hilt was crafted in the shape of a wolf’s head, the blade a beautiful silver, and in its eyes were twin rubies. He wasn’t surprised at the steep price, but he was at how hard he haggled to get it within his price range. 

By supper, he had the knife and some flowers he asked the natives were okay to pick, presenting both of them as a thank you to Frigga. 

“Loki,” Her tone reproachful but eyes shining with gratitude. “You shouldn’t have.”

“It’s the least I could do,” Loki said. “You’ve given me so much. Besides, you need a new dagger to beat me with, your old one’s getting a bit dull.”

She kept it reverently as they took their seats, their host Frey bringing out the best Vanaheim had to offer for their meal. It really was the best too. Loki hadn’t been around the city long enough to sample true Vanir meals, and for that he was truly sorry. The meat seemed to peel itself from the bone, and the fruit was so sweet he could eat it forever and never get sick of it. Talk consisted mainly of Frey and Frigga catching up. Frey being Freyja’s brother he was mostly interested in what she had been getting up to out of his presence. Loki thought there was something there other than worry, but he was too busy eating to care about finding out. 

Finished and lethargic from the heat, they retired to a study where Loki learned the tales Frey had to tell about his homeland. He wasn’t surprised to find he fell asleep. Nor to wake up to see the others had as well. He wasn’t even upset that his neck ached from the awkward position. He was in Vanaheim and that meant that he could finally see the famed library.

He used some magic to ease Frigga’s waking before leaving. The library was easy to find with help, everyone here happy to take him along with them. Frigga hadn’t been lying about the library either. There were magic books from all realms here, all of them with theories and concepts Loki had only heard spoke by Frigga. If he could live here it would be a very fulfilled life indeed. As it was, he picked out a few books and brought them back to where Frigga and Frey were breakfasting. It was nice, too, to not only have something to read but have actual conversations about magic with more than just Frigga. Frey, being a practiced user, was much easier to talk to due to the similarities they shared in some aspects of their magic that Loki didn’t with Frigga.

“Men and women all react differently to it. Things women find easy men might not just like it could be the other way around. The only ones I found who could harness true magic with little restraint were the Jotnar,” Frey said, and unlike every other time Loki heard them mentioned in Asgard, Frey didn’t say Jotnar like it was a bad thing. “See, we tell women they should be good at healing so they are. Even if we didn’t, you might find women gravitating towards healing because they believe it’s in their nature to be good at it. With the Jotnar, they have no such expectations because they are both, so, naturally, they have no constraints to make them better or worse at whatever they try.”

They spent all morning going over different theories, no topic off the table. Frigga left them to it at one point, going off to explore the realm she’d grown up in. She came back in the afternoon, her hair wet from the springs and joined by a young man she introduced as Bragi, who filled the air with music as the sky grew dark. 

It felt like a dream being here. Everything was otherworldly, calm in a way it wasn’t in Asgard. Loki even tried his hand at the mundharpe when Bragi offered to teach him. 

They took a stroll the next day, Frigga insisting Loki couldn’t spend all of his day inside. He agreed to make her happy, skipping his way through the gardens until he came upon the flowers he’d found his first night here. He made a flower necklace for Frigga out of them, even trying his hand in the springs when she pointed out other boys his age enjoying them. 

He didn’t care for them, picking himself out as soon as Frigga had turned her back. 

They stayed on Vanaheim for four days before Frigga woke him up in the dead of night. The air had cooled somewhat with the setting sun, so Loki wasn’t too upset at being awake at this time. She hurried him into a tunic, taking him down a hallway to the potions room he’d been in the day before. Frey was already standing over a bowl, the insides steaming golden.

“We’re making a healing potion,” She told him, bidding him to sit on a bench for a closer look. 

“It can only be done by moonlight,” Frey explained. “It’s complex too.” He pointed to an illustration in the book he was following. “We thought you might like to help.”

Loki read as best he could without removing the book from Frey’s eyes. It looked to be a potion to heal some kind of extreme plague. One that made blisters that were some kind of frozen blood as well as skin that flaked off- “Who is this for?” He’d never seen this kind of thing in his long life. Never heard of it either. He was sure someone would have made note if their neighbour had started experiencing blackened limbs.

Frey and Frigga shared a look, Frigga inclining her head enough for Frey to say, “There’s a tear, not far from here, that leads to Jotunheim Loki.”

This… kind of made sense. They had known someone was helping the Jotnar. Potions, now Loki thought about it more, could have easily been made by anyone in Vanaheim with magic. But, who among the people would even want to? Who, even, would be willing to make contact enough to spare ingredients they probably needed to make potions for a people the majority of the nine realms hated? Frey would have been old enough to have seen the war, fight in it even. He was also the subject of an Asgardian defeat as well, he would know better than anyone what happened in the aftermath. 

“You’re making potions for them?” Just because he’d found who was leaving the potions did not mean he was willing to tell all. 

Frigga made a few soothing motions, like Loki would run if he was given the chance. “We know that the Jotnar aren’t exactly friends. But only a monster would turn their head away when someone needed help. We know it’s a big secret to keep, but your magic really is advanced Loki. If you could help us, we’d appreciate it.”

He let them think it was a big decision before he agreed, he had to save face after all. Loki was beginning to think this was the real reason they were here, and while he wanted to be mad that there was an ulterior motive for their visit he wasn’t. This was what he wanted after all, to use advanced magic that he wouldn’t be able to in Asgard. 

It turned out, while the potion was complex it was also small. The plague that had spread through the Jotnar was vast, felling almost everyone it came into contact with and with the rate Frey alone was going he wouldn’t be able to produce enough to help even a household.

It took a few tries before Loki got the hang of it. Frigga abandoned him to his work when he was independent enough to do it alone, and between the three of them they managed to get a good few jars made by dawn. 

“We’ll have to work again tonight. I’ve told them to quarantine the infected, but I fear more will be dead before we can do real good,” Frey said, bottling the last of it. 

“Is this the only cure?” Loki asked, flicking through more healing books.

“There are spells,” Frey said. “But, the Jotnar aren’t powerful enough to perform them without their casket. We’d have to go in person.”

“So why don’t we?” Loki proposed. “So long as you have an excuse for not being here no one should question where you’ve been.”

Frigga shared another look with Frey, “We did think about it.”

“But Heimdall would no doubt report to the king should Frigga leave Vanaheim Loki,” Frey finished.

Right, his gift of sight. Loki was starting to wonder just how much he really saw. He hadn’t told Odin about all of Thor and Loki’s little adventures and mischief after all. “Then, why don’t you go and leave an illusion behind? Or, I could make one. I’m pretty good at them.” Not to toot his own horn but Loki had managed to hold an illusion for three days before needing rest. “I could make doubles of the two of you, invent some kind of grievance that would have you out of the public eye for a day or two and vanish them when you come back.”

Frigga at least looked like she was considering it. “We would help more people if we went.”

“We’d have to be extra vigilant,” Frey warned, both of them seemingly on board now. “Nothing can come back with us. If this plague comes to Vanaheim Odin will know where we’ve been.” because while it was native to Jotunheim other realms could catch it too. He turned to Loki, “Are you certain you can hold the illusion for as long as we need?”

“I can, I promise.”

He helped them get what they needed the rest of the morning, setting up the illusions just as they used their magic to blind themselves to Heimdall’s eye. It was exhilarating to think that they were openly defying Odin. His own wife, who would have thought. Certainly not Loki. 

He made some excuse about bad wine the night before and sent his illusions to their bedchambers to rest. It was easy to keep them solid while he went about his day, relaxing in the luxuries of Vanaheim. Even so the next day. The third day however, Loki started to worry.

They hadn’t exactly given a time frame but he was sure that they weren’t supposed to be this long. Reading didn’t bring him any comfort, nor did going out and roaming the streets. Eventually he holed himself up on the balcony that overlooked Vanaheim and waited.

The illusion was starting to wear on him as he sat. His energy was waning, eyes dropping. He felt like he’d only blinked before he found himself staring up at the ceiling of his rooms. 

He hurried out of bed, checking the illusion he’d put in Frigga’s room, knowing it was gone. Frey’s room was next, but Loki’s magic told him he wouldn’t find what he was looking for. 

He was pulled against a chest, relaxing almost immediately as years of finding him between them kicked in. “Have I ever told you how proud of you I am?”

“What happened?” Loki asked, ignoring the compliment to turn and see Frigga for himself. 

She looked harried, a bit frayed but here and okay. “Breakfast first,” She insisted, tugging him to where Frey was already piling another row of rolls onto his plate.


	8. Chapter 8

They had been received at the hall where Thor and Loki had visited with suspicion. They had taken Loki’s word seriously about the Einherjar, and had almost cast Frigga and Frey away when they offered their personal aid. Desperation swayed them, and when they managed to cure those they could they had travelled to the next village, sparing the potion they had to be given to those they couldn’t reach.

“How did you get there so quickly?” Loki asked, forgetting for a moment he shouldn’t know how long it took to get to one village never mind two.

“One of the Jotun’s helped us travel. Even then it took longer than we should have spared,” Frey said. “I forgot how long their land is. Vanaheim is large, but Jotunheim really is a realm for the giants.”

They needed rest after their long trip, rest Loki gave them in exchange for stories about their time there. Geitla and the Jarl lost one of their young to the plague before Frey and Frigga could get to them. Almost half the village was gone really. The other too. The pleasant atmosphere that Thor and Loki had been greeted with really was the last celebration the Jotnar’s would have for a while. 

“So you speak their language?”Loki asked. He was lounging on Frigga’s bed, rubbing her feet as she flicked through one of the less intense magic books. 

“The Allspeak translates for us. Without it I fear I would be as lost as they would be to our language.” Which Loki thought wasn’t strictly true. The Jarl had known Asgardian when Loki visited, he’d made a note of it too so it wasn’t just Allspeak that was translating for them.

“What is Allspeak?”

“It’s…” She looked at him anew. “I suppose you wouldn’t have learned it. Usually only our foreign correspondents and higher born children are given lessons. Allspeak is the language that is at the root of all others. It’s a sort of magic in our speech that allows us to translate any that we hear and speak any that we need. We have been lucky that Vanaheim has adopted Asgardian as one of their main languages. It wasn’t always that way. I can arrange some lessons when we get back if you would be interested.”

“Very much.” It would help if Thor dragged him to any other realms. He was getting quite sick of being left in the dark.

Frey wasn’t finished with his mission to help Jotunheim. As soon as he was rested he was back in his potion chamber mixing up more cures. Unfortunately, Frigga couldn’t stay, but together they managed to come up with a way to get the giants their potion without the Einherjar being alerted. 

Loki was disappointed to be leaving when it came to it. But he had his own duties to get back to, and a new language to learn back in Asgard, so he supposed it was for the best he left now before he got too attached to Vanaheim.

They arrived back through the rainbow light, Odin, once again, greeting them, or Frigga, with warm words. She took them all in good spirits, and despite having the king to see too she didn’t let Loki go until they had made it a good way back to the palace.

“Rest and no trouble,” she warned, waving him off, Loki letting her hug him despite the people who stopped to stare.

Thor ambushed him before dawn. He came clunking in, waking Loki briefly before settling down next to him, knowing better now to bother Loki until morning. 

He wasn’t put off so easily when Loki woke. He felt like he’d just opened his eyes before Thor was there asking question after question about why Loki went to Vanaheim. He considered keeping it a secret, but Thor was trustworthy. They had their own secret to keep, and Loki knew Thor would appreciate this too. 

“Mother’s been helping them?” 

“And Frey, Freyja’s brother? He was the one who left the potion last time.” He told Thor about the plague, and how the people they had visited last time were probably on the verge of death right now. 

“I can’t believe it. I thought she was too quick to give in to father. She always just brushes the topic aside whenever Jotunheim is brought up. It kind of makes sense now I think back on it.”

They knew they couldn’t speak of this again once they left, so Thor got all his questions out now. They spent all morning avoiding their duties, speculating why they were defying the Allfather’s will. Well, the why was clear, but why it was them, why they even needed to defy him was under vast speculation.

Eventually, however, they knew they couldn’t avoid the outside world anymore. With Loki getting his vambraces they walked their way to the second half of their training.

Allspeak, it turned out, was a tricky thing to master. While Thor had been taught it since he was a child it was no such luck for Loki. It wasn’t just that he was being given the key to all languages, it was that he had to somehow attune his magic to it so he could use it unconsciously. 

His head was still spinning as the first month went by. The second too. Thor ended up giving him tutoring lessons on top of his actual ones, thinking they would help. They didn’t. If anything it just made Loki more annoyed since Sif was always there too and she was anything but encouraging. She seemed to delight in this one thing she was better at than him, her and Thor having private conversations that always ended with them kissing. 

Loki told them to keep their tutoring to themselves after the fourth lesson, preferring to struggle until his dying breath than put up with any more of that. He even went as far as asking Fandral to lessons when Thor insisted he needed more practice than what he was getting. At least Fandral’s lessons didn’t end in kissing.

“Could you cheer up,” Fandral moaned. “Honestly, it’s like tutoring a bilgesnipe. You’re scaring our charming audience away.” Fandral’s charming audience being a couple of women who were less than impressed with the baudy phrases he was trying to teach Loki.

Loki tried smiling, but he was sure the thing he sent Fandral’s way was more of a grimace with the face he sent back. 

With a sigh, Fandral downed the last of his tankard, turning his back on ladies in a way he never did to give his full attention to Loki. “Okay, I know we aren’t the best of friends. But maybe that’s a good thing. It means you won’t be surprised when I ridicule you. So…”

“It’s nothing.”

“Loki,” Fandral pressed.

“Really. It’s nothing. I’m just tired from all these nonsense words.” He went to bed each night with dreams in a language he can’t understand. 

Fandral hummed, not really that convinced, but dropped the subject anyway. 

A year and Loki could somewhat understand Allspeak. He’d also grown again, but so had the other boys his age. He was still small, and would be for a while longer if that younglings were to be believed, but in the last few months of his long, so long year, something else had overcome him as well. 

It started simple, with a few aches that he put off as growing pains. But when he woke up to his breeches soaked and let his eyes linger on people like he hadn’t before he finally realised what was happening. He was happy, in a way, since it meant he was finally understanding what he was supposed to. He was finally yearning for another hand that wasn’t his own on his skin and could join in when Fandral asked if that girl was prettier than her friend. 

It also brought its own challenges. He couldn’t, after all, act on what he wanted. Old as he thought himself to be, he was still fourteen in the eyes of many, which meant that when he wanted to ask the nearest girl to him if they wanted to have some ‘fun’ he knew he couldn’t. They would think him cute, or weird, maybe ask one of their older, more thuggish friends to escort Loki away from them. 

There was also something else. 

“Do you think it’s weird to think an animal attractive?” Loki asked one lesson. “I mean, while you’re an animal that is.”

Frigga looked more amused than disgusted so obviously it wasn’t a rare question that was asked. “Well, I suppose while you are an animal it’s natural to let your instincts take over. That includes the mating instincts you have. I don’t think it’s weird. Why, I remember this rather dashing ox back in Vanaheim.”

He grinned, imagining Frigga as a cow wasn’t too hard, but her fluttering her eyelashes at an unsuspecting ox, funny. “I hope you let your husband know he had competition.”

“I did,” Frigga promised. “There’s a reason why the nearest cow is at the edge of the city.”

His giggling didn’t last long. Not when he had other things to ask. “What about, boys? Girls too, but, boys?”

Frigga shrugged like it wasn’t a problem. On Midgard it hadn’t been. Love was love, people were free to do whatever they liked and whoever they liked. But on Asgard, Loki didn’t think he’d seen anyone couple with the same gender. Even Fandral hadn’t mentioned a dalliance with a man. “It’s not well practiced I admit, but it’s not uncommon.” Her tone turned sly, “All these questions Loki, it’s like you’re interested in someone.”

“I’m not,” he said, far too quickly.

It was a trial surviving after that. Frigga was relentless. She tried guilting him, asking him nicely, even bribed him at one point. He held strong, namely because there wasn’t anyone. Really. It seemed like everyone was in his interest right now to narrow it down to one. Even Sigyn had been seen through new eyes, her idea of him wearing a collar not as degrading as it had been before. Maybe he could get her to give him one human sized.

He was eyeing Sigyn up again when something hit off his head. “Ow.” The shoe glared up at him, Loki picking it up to throw it right back when he saw Thor and Sif. 

The shoe fell, Loki readying himself to walk away, he didn’t want to be voyer to another tongue battle, right now that being the only thing that didn’t get him going. Only, the fact that they weren’t standing as close as they usually did had him pausing. There was no love in those eyes, not in the fists that were clenched at their sides either. Loki was starting to think that the shoe wasn’t even thrown at him. Thor was standing rather close, it would be easy for the shoe to just ping off him and hit Loki in the head. 

He left anyway, after a moment to really think on it. While he didn’t like seeing them try to eat each other that wasn’t to say he wanted to watch them fight either. 

Instead, he found Hogun charting a map for his next adventure and signed himself up to drying duty when the ink did its work.

The scuffle Loki was privy to wasn’t the only one it seemed. He was grabbed by Volstagg at one point, forced into hiding in the palace as Thor and Sif yelled their way past. 

“Don’t want to get in the middle of that,” Volstagg warned, like Loki didn’t already know. 

They seemed to find time on any day at any event to fight. It got to the point where Loki was watching the skies to see what kind of day he was in for. If it was already storming, Loki kept a wide berth. If it was sunny, he chanced spending some time around Thor.

Eventually, however, even the most hardened wars had to come to an end, and theirs did on a particularly thunder filled day. Loki had spent most of it inside since the rain had meant his lessons couldn’t be conducted in Frigga’s gardens. He’d only been in the Queen’s personal rooms a few times in his life. Being in them now was no less frightening than the last. Especially because Odin had the odd afternoon off and was in them too. Loki could feel his eye on him the whole time he read. It was like Odin was judging him, seeing what made him so special. Terrifying. 

A boom of thunder shook the very foundations of the palace. Loki jumped out of his skin, Frigga didn’t even twitch. Instead, she turned her head lazily to where her husband was sitting. “You must have a conversation with him about his powers.”

“You’re the magic user Frigga. Not to mention his mother. This seems like a sensitive matter.”

Her mouth twisted in annoyance, “And you can’t be sensitive? You’re his father. If anyone should be speaking to him it’s you. Besides, we both know I’m not the only one with magic, so don’t even try to pass Thor onto me based on that.”

There was a sigh, Loki pretending he wasn’t hearing a word of it as he concentrated on the words in front of him. “Can’t you just do it? He’s going to want to talk.”

“And you have a mouth.”

Odin sounded like he was rearing himself up to say more just as Frigga’s door slammed against the walls. 

“Mother I’m upset!” 

There was a pleased sound as Odin started shuffling, no doubt collecting his things. Frigga on the other hand merely tugged Loki’s book away from him. “Darling I’m rather busy at the moment. Why don’t you talk to your father? He has the whole afternoon free.”

Thor looked expectantly, if hesitantly, at Odin. The man who cleared his throat awkwardly before snatching the book from his wife. “No, no, Thor wants to see you.”

“I’m busy,” Frigga reminded him.

“Nonsense,” Odin scoffed, “I can take care of Loki here.” He almost dragged Loki out after that, the last thing Loki saw was the hard look Frigga sent after them before the door closed.

They walked the halls, putting good distance between Frigga and themselves before Odin slowed once more into a stroll. Loki tried to think of a good reason to leave. Odin didn’t want him around, he only said he was taking over to get away from Thor’s recent plight. The best thing for both of them would be for Loki to just leave. The problem was doing so without being disrespectful. He couldn’t exactly say his mother was expecting him. While both of them would just accept it, Frigga would  be asking later why Odin let Loki go knowing full well he had his lessons until supper, which, was about, another few hours away. 

They came to another set of rooms, Loki’s gap significantly shortening. This was it, if he was going to come up with an excuse now was the time. “I-”

“How old are you?” Odin asked, his voice widely overpowering the small squeak Loki had made.

“Er, two hundred and eighty four Allfather.” Two hundred and eighty five in a few months.

Odin hummed, flicking to the page that Loki had tried to read today. “Two hundred and eighty four and already onto complex transportation magic. I would have thought Frigga would have you trying to shift forms before giving you this.”

“She did.” He probably shouldn’t have shown off by shifting into Odin’s double, but, well, Loki was a bit of a show off when it came to his magic. “I er, already mastered it seventy five years ago.”

“That’s difficult magic.” Was there a hint of wonder mixed in with that suspicion, or was Loki just imagining it?

“Not for me.” Really, it had been one of the easier things to master. What had been difficult was adjusting to the new environment that his form delved him into.

Odin’s one eye narrowed, appraising him, probably sizing up his status as a threat. “Tell me, how did you enjoy Vanaheim?”

“Lord Frey is a very welcoming host. My time there was most enjoyable.” He still had dreams about the tree arches and library, made all the more worse when Frey sent books for Loki to read every now and then. 

“And your training? My wife tells me you’re not as strong as the other warriors.” Which wasn’t a surprise. It seemed that the boys that Loki had originally trained with were starting to fill out like Thor. Loki seemed to be the only one stuck with muscle that refused to expand outwards.

Still, he wasn’t going to deny his worth to the royal fleet. Not when he was just as proficient in fighting. “I don’t have to be strong to beat them Allfather.”

“Yet you haven’t been on any quests. You are comrades with the Warrior’s Three are you not?”

“I am,” Loki admitted, not sure where this was headed. “But I’m afraid they still think me too young to accompany them.”

Odin looked at him a moment longer before handing the book to Loki. He bade him sit, Odin going to his desk to fetch something to occupy himself with and thus went the rest of Loki’s afternoon.

When he caught up with Thor, after he’d been dismissed, he didn’t even blink at the tear tracks on his face. Instead, he punched Thor in his stomach, dragging him to the nearest alcove to hiss, “I don’t care if you’ve been stabbed. You do not leave me with your father again.”

“That wasn’t my fault,” Thor argued, trying to straighten.

“You know how long my lessons go on for. All you had to do was wait a few more hours, or at least agree to talk to your father before going to your mother. I don’t care, just don’t leave me with him.”

“I was upset,” Thor spat, Loki wondering if he could get away with another punch before Thor hit him back. “I wasn’t exactly thinking about your feelings Loki. Besides, I don’t know why you’re so scared of my father. He doesn’t know-”

He clapped a hand over Thor’s mouth. “If you don’t understand then don’t try to. This hall is full of ears you idiot. Now listen and listen well Thor Odinson because if your little spat with Sif ends with me not turning up to lessons tomorrow rest assured I won’t leave you long. I’ll forsake my place in Valhalla to come back to you. I’ll haunt your dreams, your thoughts, until you go mad at the very thought of me. If your father comes for me, I’ll make sure he loses you too.” Fear had him leaving, wondering who was watching him even now.

Odin had to be. Those questions weren’t just something to ask a student. The more Loki thought about it the more he could see Odin was fishing for something, some reason why Frigga had taken such an interest in a common boy. He was probably organising spies right now, and with spies came the potential to be found out. Anything Loki did could be deemed suspicious. He was thinking on his actions, carefully minding every step he took so as not to lead them to his hut. Too many things could mark him out as an outsider. He slept with furs but rarely did he put them over him. Even in winter Loki preferred to sleep with nothing, a real Asgardian wouldn’t do the same. Then there was his eating habits. He’d been careful not to eat how he usually would at those dinners with Odin, but at home, even the bones didn’t escape Loki’s teeth. In fact, he looked forward to them, they had a tang to them that the meat lacked. His magic, his lack of parents, the fact that he’d just cropped up out of nowhere would all point back to that little Jotun boy that had appeared in Asgard all those years ago.

Then what? Then what would happen to him?

He ended up tracking down Hogun, practically begging him to spare a place by his fire for the night. The man was good enough to not ask any questions, Loki falling into a fitful sleep full of gold clad soldiers dragging him away.

Hogun fed him when morning came, the two of them meeting the others before Loki veered off to the training grounds. Surprisingly, Thor wasn’t fighting with Sif when he got there. Instead, he was sitting on one of the benches, perking up only when Loki walked past his immediate space.

“Mother’s busy this morning,” Thor said, a peace offering in his words.

“Fine.”

Loki didn’t make things easy for him. He used every dirty trick he knew, including his magic, to gain the upper hand. On anyone else it would have had them yelling about foul play, throwing a fit and trying to bash Loki’s skull in. Thor, however, wasn’t wired that way, and simply laughed whenever Loki got the upper hand. 

“I should make an effort to train with you more often,” Thor noted as they breaked to grab water. “You always pose a different challenge each time we clash.”

“That’s because I don’t want you to win.” People usually went wrong when they developed a pattern. They became predictable, and for someone who could spot weaknesses as quickly as Loki he always used it to his advantage. “Although, I am surprised you’re sparring with me. Usually one of the older warriors love taking advantage of Frigga’s absence to show me my place.” Especially since Thor didn’t step in anymore now he had Sif to train with. 

The unspoken question of what changed had Thor sighing into his cup. “Sif and I are no longer together. If you had listened yesterday instead of punching me I wouldn’t have to say so now. But… yes, we are, once again, two separate entities.”

“Boo hoo,” Loki said, not really having an opinion on it. Well that wasn’t true. He was somewhat happy he may not have to see Sif’s stupid face anymore. 

“Indeed.” Thor picked up his hammer. “So what about you? What exactly did my father do to spook you so much?”

“Asked questions.”

“Is that all?” And to Thor it probably wouldn’t have been a big deal. But to Loki, he knew when people were looking for something, and Odin most definitely was. “Well, whatever he asked you he must have been happy with. I haven’t seen him watch me train since I hit adolescence.”

Loki didn’t grasp Thor’s words at first. When he did, it was all too easy to spot the figure that had lurked at the edge of their training ring. Odin wasn’t even trying to hide. He had an advisor with him, looking to be doing other work whilst here, but he was definitely keeping an eye on them. On Loki.

Thor clapped him on the back, almost sending him into the dirt during his distraction. “How about another round then? This time you play fair and we see how you measure up then.”

He knew he was going to lose before he even stepped inside the ring. 

On any other day, Loki could still best Thor in fair play. He was older in mind after all, and had actual experience rather than the one scuffle Thor took part in on Midgard. He was also fast where Thor was strong, which usually meant he’d landed the blows he needed to before Thor could even try to land one. But with Odin watching him, Loki’s legs felt unsettled beneath him. They didn’t answer when he wanted them to, and more than once his arms came up later than they should. 

He was bruised, bloody, and needing a bath to get rid of all the sweat on his person by the time Thor helped him up. Odin was gone when he looked, which Loki didn’t know if it was a good or bad thing. What he did know was that Thor had the afternoon free after sending a rather scathing look to Sif now washing up. One which Thor filled by dragging Loki to the stream near his hut for an afternoon soak. 

It was like Thor didn’t even hear Loki’d protests that they might be followed. Or he just didn’t care. Either or, they ended up there anyway, stripped to nothing and avoiding all manner of conversation in favour of wallowing in their own misery.

He supposed, as role of a friend, Loki should in fact be telling Thor some words of encouragement. Maybe that there were plenty other women just waiting to steal his heart. Maybe even that Sif would no doubt come around about whatever it was they were fighting about. He should have said to stop dwelling on it now since his misery only caused the sky to darken which really didn’t solve anything. But then, Loki had never exactly been the best of friends to Thor. If the boy wanted comfort there were three other boys just waiting to fill that role. Fandral would probably be overjoyed that he now had two on board his single and ready to mingle mission. Yet Thor wasn’t with them. Instead, he was sitting in a stream trying to get the knot out of his hair. 

“Here,” Loki sighed, growing bored of watching Thor’s face turn more and more red the longer he pulled on his scalp. The knot gave way easily under Loki’s clever fingers, straightening out into a loose curl that was just starting to graze his shoulders. “Do you think I’ll grow a beard?” Loki wondered, spying the beginnings of fuzz on Thor’s own cheeks.

“Probably, why?” He dunked his head under the water, the drops catching Loki’s eyes as he swished it back onto his back.

“Because,” he huffed, wiping his face, “Because I didn’t see any of the… others with hair never mind a beard. Do you think people will get suspicious?” Beards were kind of a big thing Loki had seen. They were a sign of manhood. Even Fandral had one. Rarely had Loki seen a man without some fur on his face and the idea that this might be another thing to mark him out had him picking at his nails until Thor intervened.

“You worry too much,” Thor said. He dunked his head again getting another knot out while he did. “You know, not everyone is out to destroy you. Barely anyone even looks at you Loki.”

A statement that should have hurt, but Loki was too focused on the other part of that insinuation. “But there are people that look at me. People that probably tell the king. Or at least your mother who tells him. Why would she have reason to keep anything about me from him after all.”

Thor forced his hands under the water when he picked at them again, levelling his gaze to Loki’s height. “Father isn’t out to get you Loki. If he has any interest it’s just who you are to me. He’s taken the same interest in Sif and the Warrior’s Three. Why else do you think they get all the best quests?”

“But it’s different for me,” Loki insisted. “I’m different. I don’t think you remember that sometimes.”

“I don’t,” Thor admitted. “But that’s not a bad thing. If I, your dearest friend, can forget and overlook your differences then those who merely glance at you won’t even notice them.”

“Yes but it’s because you’re dear to me that you can. You don’t look because you don’t have to. It wasn’t always that way though. Remember when we left? The first time? You followed me for days trying to find something off about me to mark me out. Your father, right now, is doing exactly the same thing you did back then. I’m sure of it. Only he doesn’t have the fortune of being taken captive by myself for a week to realise that I’m no threat to Asgard.” He would probably be killed on the spot. At the very least imprisoned. Loki wouldn’t do well in prison. He was an outside boy, he needed space to survive. Not caged like some tame beast.

Thor sighed. He knew he wasn’t going to win, Loki could tell from the way he tried to change the subject to something else. It worked, at least Loki let it work, for a while. Long enough for him to get a good night’s sleep in his own bed. Come daybreak however, the bad thoughts were back. Odin too.

He seemed to crop up everywhere. At training was his favourite, Loki always checking around for the king before he started sparring. He knew he was getting sloppier the longer Odin watched him, Frigga did too since she often tried shooing Odin away after he’d stumbled a few times. It never worked. Whatever words they had Frigga always came back over with an apology on her lips and bade Loki to try and ignore him. 

Then one day Odin wasn’t there. Loki was still a mess when he fought, his mind telling him to keep checking to make sure that Odin really wasn’t watching. It garnered a laugh out of Sif anyway when he ended up falling face first into the mud. It seemed whatever truce had held up while she’d been loved up with Thor was gone now. Loki constantly saw her watching him with that double edged blade she’d claimed, as if sizing him up to be skewered. It wasn’t appreciated right now. 

“Another bath might be in order,” Thor said. He helped Loki up, flicking away bits of mud that still clung to Loki’s sleeve. “You could always use mine if you liked.”

“Your water’s probably too warm.” Even if he had eyed the massive crater that served as Thor’s bath with envy last he’d been in the prince’s rooms. 

“That’s how you get the dirt out Loki.”

He ended up taking Thor up on his offer after another trip to the mud occurred. With it cracking and flaking in places that shouldn’t have been possible with his armour he didn’t see how anything but steam could remove it. Thor had said he would stay on hand, that he would stay near in case the heat became too much. Yet as soon as Loki dipped a toe in there was a knock at Thor’s door. 

“Can you wait?” Thor begged as the knock came again.

“I suppose.” 

It was a page with a summons from the king. Loki supposed even if he’d disagreed there would be no way Thor would be staying with him now. With a promise of only being a few minutes Thor left. Loki did his best not to dirty up anything else while Thor was gone. 

It had changed since last Loki had been in here. Thor had gathered more weapons than he knew what to do with. For a prince who didn’t like to fight, Loki thought there were better ways to overcompensate than showing off as many sharp things as he could. 

Loki found a few more of Frigga’s knives scattered around the place. Each one had been lovingly carved, mirrors of the one Loki kept still. He dug it out, comparing it to the others. It had lost its sheen he supposed, as well as some of its finesse. But Loki’s was sharp and used, just how a knife should be. 

Around the time Loki started poking at Thor’s books he had the thought that Thor might not even come back at all. He’d been gone long already. The king kept late hours, and if it was something truly important Thor could be gone all night. 

He tested the water, finding it almost cool, and easily slipped in now the prospect of fainting was gone. It was harder to scrub the mud off, but since Loki also had use of Thor’s lovely scented oils he found the task not too disheartening. He certainly felt relaxed as he pulled himself out, making himself at home as he let his fingers wander more easily along Thor’s possessions. He even napped a little, sure in himself that Thor wouldn’t mind a bit of dampness on his sheets. He’d told Loki to stay after all.

Thor was half on top of him when he woke. The heat was almost unbearable, not only because some idiot had decided to light the fire but they had also thought him cold enough to throw a fur over the top of him. It was still night out, and judging from the height of the flames Thor hadn’t been back for long. He considered climbing out, maybe going home and catching up with Thor when it was a decent hour. But the bed reminded him too much of the one at Vanaheim and before Loki knew it he was shifting into something that could withstand the heat, curling his scale covered body over itself and drifting back off to sleep.

Waking was only slightly more uncomfortable than the last time, due of course, to the fact that Loki had forgotten Thor’s love for snakes. He shifted to throw Thor’s hands off him, enjoying the ‘oomph’ he made as Loki’s weight replaced the light body that had been there before. 

“You were gone long,” Loki yawned, his curiosity making him forgo any pretence. “Something happen?”

Thor huffed, his whole demeanor changing from sleepy to grumpy in seconds. “My father is sending me on a quest with the Warrior’s Three. We are to go to Jotunheim tomorrow in search of the giants who are crossing the borders into Vanaheim.”

That was bad. There was no other way to say it really. It wasn’t like Thor could get out of it either. He’d been lucky so far that his age prevented him from being obligated to go on quests. Obviously Odin thought that wasn’t the case anymore. Thor couldn’t come up with another excuse either. He was the prince, it was his duty to his realm to go on quests like this. Thor had to go. 

There was also the problem of the giants. Thor knew which ones were sneaking past the borders. He knew why as well. If the Warrior’s Three also learned of their identities it wasn’t like he could sway them to hold their tongues. They were friends yes, but Loki didn’t know how they would react being told to keep their peace from their king. 

“What are you to do when you find them?” Loki asked, hating how small his voice was.

“Report back to Asgard.” The look on Thor’s face said the rest. Odin would likely send a fleet to take care of the traitors. He’d be in his right too. These giants were ignoring the peace treaty, they were essentially committing treason not only to Asgard but the realm they also lived in.

“When are we leaving tomorrow?” He’d have to pack potions, maybe a spell book or two as well to see if there was any way he could use his magic to send a warning to the Jotun’s.

“You’re not coming.”

“Don’t be stupid, of course I am.” Like he would stay behind for this mission. “I’m old enough and your mother has been waiting to get me on a quest. She may even be pleased I’m going on this one.”

“No,” Thor sighed, “I mean my father doesn’t want you to go. He told me not to even tell you where I’m going, this is meant to be a secret.”

Odin had specifically told Thor… “Do you think he knows?” About me, was left unsaid, Loki still not trusting even in the privacy of Thor’s chambers that there couldn’t be eyes on him.

Thor shook his head, “I don’t think it’s about… that. I think he doesn’t want you going for some other reason. I tried asking him but, he’s not exactly open with me Loki.”

“So he didn’t say anything that would…”

“No,” Thor agreed. “Nothing. I was listening too before you call me stupid again.”

They lapsed into silence. With nothing more they could say to each other Loki stole as much as he could from Thor’s breakfast feast before hurrying to the baths to get rid of the rest of the stains on his training gear. He knew Thor wanted to say sorry, to tell Loki that he didn’t want to be going. He knew it because Thor thought he was somehow betraying Loki by going to Jotunheim without him. He could tell it in every sorrowful look Thor cast in his direction, and the way he tried making it up to Loki the rest of the day in his own stupid Thor way. By that, Loki meant Thor thought attempting to snare and cook a rabbit was sufficient enough to garner forgiveness. Not that was anything to forgive in the first place.

“You’re going to be ill before you even step foot in Jotunheim,” Loki noted. Thor had made a mess of the rabbit. When they were hunting in Vanaheim Loki had done most of the skinning, having done it since he was a child. But Thor, privileged Thor, only knew how to kill the beasts he ate. He had tried when they were away, to do more than just get his knife in an animal’s gut, but the most Loki agreed he could do was cook the damn thing. Somehow, despite the thoroughness Thor promised he possessed, there were still skin and bones clinging to the meat rotating on their fire. 

“If you can eat it without getting sick then so can I.”

“I have a different stomach to you idiot. One that doesn’t revile at the very thought of putting fur in my mouth.”

Thor made the exact face Loki had been hoping for, that weird grimace that had Thor scowling when he was done. “It was one time and it was weird. The fur kept breaking apart in my mouth. I could pick hairs out for days afterwards.”

“Honestly,” Loki sighed. “I pity the woman you end up marrying. If you can’t stomach fur how are you going to handle hair?”

Thor made that face again, Loki grinning again when Thor scowled his way over it. “What does hair have to do with my wife?”

Loki started reevaluating Thor’s decision to cook for him. While the food may not have cheered him up the entertainment most certainly was. “Well I hope you’re not going to just tell her to lie back and then mount her. The poor thing has to put up with you for the rest of her life, she may as well get some enjoyment out of it.”

“And she will, I just don’t understand what this has to do with her hair.”

Thor really didn’t know from the blank look he was giving him, which was a surprise at the same times it wasn’t. “Do you not listen to Fandral when he speaks of using his mouth?”

Thor’s face reddened, more from embarrassment of not knowing than remembering Fandrals’ tales. “You don’t.”

“No, but I don’t have to. I was fifty on Midgard, while I still looked a child not all of us were lucky enough to be treated like one. I don’t listen to Fandral because I know what he’s talking about.” Thor looked even more embarrassed at being left out of this thing seemingly everyone but him knew about. Loki sighed, knowing he was going to have to take this one on board. “What I meant was, how are you going to react when you use your mouth on her? Like…” He made a few motions to his breeches, Thor’s blank look slowly turning to some kind of amazed horror.

“That’s a thing?” 

“Well they use their mouths on us too.” Another thing Thor didn’t know about. “What did you even imagine doing with Sif? I know you wouldn’t have, not for a few-” Hundred? “Years, but surely you must have imagined something more than just trying to stick your tongue down her throat for the rest of your life?”

Thor scowled, pouting greatly in Loki’s direction. “I know what sex is Loki, and I did- one day- but the other stuff? It’s not like it’s talked about often.”

“Not if you don’t listen to Fandral,” Loki agreed.

The rest of the night Loki spent trying to make Thor as uncomfortable as possible. It wasn’t hard, and when day broke he almost forgot that Thor was about to embark on a mission to Jotunheim. Almost. 


	9. Chapter 9

When he got to the palace to start his training it was weird him being the only one there. The other warriors were there for Thor’s benefit, worthy adversaries for the prince to try his skills on. They were never there for Loki and weren’t there now. Frigga wasn’t either. Neither was Sif. 

He sat there until midday waiting for someone to tell him what was going on. Frigga, he could understand was probably busy seeing Thor off. But shouldn’t someone have come to inform Loki by now that his training had been cancelled? It wasn’t like they hadn’t had an opportunity. Already three guards had walked past him, none of them uttering a word in his direction. 

It got to the point where Loki just decided to leave and come back when his magic lessons were due. But finding something to do in the meantime turned out to be just as fruitless an endeavor as training had been. The Warrior’s Three were all gone and Loki was beginning to realise his social circle wasn’t as large as he thought it was as he considered heading to the docks for the first time in what felt like years. 

He didn’t. Instead, he retreated to his hut and got a few more hours sleep. 

Frigga still wasn’t there when he got back to the palace. Instead, as Loki walked to his bench to just practice anyway, Odin was in her place. 

“Ah, there you are,” He greeted, bidding Loki to sit. 

He could sense the foul play at work here. Somehow, Loki knew it was no coincidence that there was no one at the training grounds this morning. His thoughts that Odin was getting Loki alone for some reason, removing Thor, keeping Frigga away, it was all true. When Thor got back, if Loki was even able to see him after whatever transpired here, he was going to rub this incident in Thor’s face. Let him call Loki paranoid after that.

Odin gave him his full attention, that one eye of his boring into Loki’s own. “I’m afraid Frigga is busy today. She’s not taking Thor’s absence as well as I thought she would.” 

Considering Odin had just sent his only son into the heart of enemy land it was no wonder that Frigga was frightened for Thor’s safety. Loki was even worried, because, unlike the rest of this kingdom, Loki knew that if it came to a fight Thor was going to freeze up. He wasn’t going to strike a Jotun. He’d taken Loki’s words to heart, and it was difficult to see someone as purely an enemy when considering the life they had left behind to just follow orders. 

Odin was looking at him, expecting something. He tried making an excuse, saying, “I won’t keep you then Allfather. Thank you for telling me.”

“Nonsense.” That one word had Loki’s legs freezing in place. “In fact, I was rather hoping to spend some time with you. I even have a gift.”

A large tome was placed in Loki’s lap, the cover worn and pages fragile under Loki’s fingers. “A book of magic?”

“It was mine as a boy.” 

More than just his. As soon as Loki opened the cover he saw Odin’s name written, and all across the rest of the book was Odin’s writing. “This is a generous gift.”

“It’s a copy of course,” Odin explained, “The original is in my library. But this was a gift for Frigga when we married. It’s everything I’ve learned in my travels across the nine realms. Old now, and since Frigga herself uses the original more than her own copy I thought it about time it had a new owner. I know you will take good care of it.”

Loki didn’t take his eyes off the pages, a careful, “Thank you,” slipping from his lips. He didn’t think for a second this was a gift given out of generosity. The more Loki glimpsed the more he thought he was being tested. Inside, were things that even the most powerful sorcerer would struggle with. Maybe even find impossible had they not the power of a realm behind them. Odin was seeing what Loki would do with it. How much he would use it and even if he was capable of it in the first place. He was testing Loki out. Seeing how powerful, how useful and how dangerous he was. 

It was enough to have him almost giving the book back. 

Almost.

He clutched the book closer, feeling the worn pages in his fingers. “I er, I don’t wish to take this home. Is there some place in the palace I could keep it?” Guile was what he needed. If he was going to survive this game he’d better seem like he was completely trusting of the king’s words. “It’s just, we- things aren’t as safe at home as they are here.” Which was true. Things weren’t exactly clean either. Loki had made it his duty to never bring his books home after one time he’d returned the book he’d borrowed from Frigga covered in some grime or another. He hadn’t been able to look her in the face for a month after that. Something this precious wouldn’t remain intact for long if it stayed with him. It also meant that Odin would have a chance to check on him, giving him the power in this little game he was playing. It wasn’t even a sacrifice. More exposure would mean a deeper insight as to what Odin wanted from Loki. 

Sure enough, the Allfather didn’t have any objections. “I would offer my own chambers, however there are things in there that, while I know you’re a good boy, I wouldn’t trust even my advisors alone with. I’m sure Thor won’t mind if you kept it there. I will even have words with him when he returns to make sure you have unlimited access to your book.”

It wasn’t hard to feign a look of gratefulness. “You’re too kind Allfather.”

“Maybe not kind enough for a boy with your talents,” Odin mused. “I wish I had more time to spare. Frigga has expressed on many occasion your magnificent talent. While I am not as practiced as she, I do know some tricks that even my wife knows not about.”

He bid Loki to look over the book shortly after, pointing out a few chapters he oh so casually thought would be interesting. Loki took care to note the passages he marked out, most of them on some kind of shape shifting, one of them on the manipulation of reality. It was powerful magic, all of it, and Loki had a feeling Odin didn’t gain this knowledge purely for giving up his eye. He remembered the stories he’d been told as a child, the ones about Odin tricking the Vanir into giving up their knowledge of runes. While the stories weren’t exactly true, there were parts that Loki could see perhaps becoming true as the years passed on. 

He left the book with Odin when it got dark, the Allfather promising Loki would find it in Thor’s room come tomorrow. 

He had hoped that would be the last of seeing Odin in places he shouldn’t. Really, Odin was interested in his magical potential and therefore should be only lingering when Loki was practicing said magic. Yet, when he got down to the training yard the next morning, it was empty again, save for the king standing there with a rather sharp axe in hand.

He just so happened to have a ‘free’ morning, and decided to give Loki some pointers after watching him these past few weeks. He also so happened to have another free morning the next day too. In fact, he had a free morning all of that week. At least until Frigga decided to show her face and shoo Odin off. 

He’d never been so happy in his life to see her as he did that morning, strolling down to the grounds like a divine shield maiden. She took one look at her husband and told him to go find his advisors because, “I am not giving them another excuse.”

She seemed to act as a shield between the two of them after that. If Frigga was there then Odin wasn’t. She even took over his magic lessons again, marvelling that her husband had been so generous to give Loki her book. 

“I’d forgotten I had a copy,” she said, flipping the pages until she found a passage she wanted Loki to look over. “You will have to make sure you take care.”

“Because it’s fragile. I know,” Loki said, running his eyes over the fading ink.

“Not only because of that. This is dangerous, powerful magic. It only takes one little thing for something to go wrong Loki,” the first lesson she’d taught him actually, after seeing what he could do. “And with these spells that something wrong could end with destruction.” 

She didn’t say what kind of destruction. She didn’t have to. Destruction didn’t need to be described, it was one of those words that had a singular meaning, it didn’t apply to any which person because it didn’t have to. Destruction meant bad for anyone and everyone.

Strangely, that warning didn’t ward him off from looking over the book. In fact, it made him even more curious. 

He was obsessing over it two weeks later when the horns sounded. Loki had only heard them make that noise once before, and that was from a distance as Frigga and himself returned from Vanaheim. 

He didn’t rush to greet Thor even if he wanted to. A lot of things had to happen before he would see Thor again. He had to see his father, return his weapons, see the healers and finally get rid of his pesky friends. Loki probably wouldn’t see him until the next day.

So he didn’t move. Instead, he turned to a new chapter in his book and read until it got dark. When he got to his hut, he slept, theories of warping someone’s mind with his magic playing across his dreams. 

At training the next morning, Loki had been ready to be crushed into one of Thor’s mind numbing hugs. He was kind of looking forward to it even. Until he saw the crowd around the prince. It wasn’t the crowd that stopped him in his tracks. Why would it be? There was always a crowd around Thor, and with the excitement of having their prince back it was only natural they were vying for information. No, what had Loki stopping were the others being praised alongside Thor. Fandral, Volstagg and Hogun he expected. But Sif, standing there eyeing him smugly from Thor’s side, her hand back in his and letting her bloody sword be passed around, well, Loki didn’t linger once he’d seen that.

He couldn’t escape Sif’s name all day. Even hiding by the docks he heard talk about the female warrior that had accompanied their prince to fight the monsters. He got the rest of the story from them too. How their prince had valiantly found the monsters sneaking into Vanaheim. How, rather than letting them get away with their treachery any longer he’d taken it upon himself to slay the beasts. Lady Sif had felled three of them without help, while the prince, it was said, took on almost a full village with his righteous rage. 

“I er-” Loki didn’t turn at Thor’s voice. He didn’t give him the satisfaction, and instead let Thor come to him, sitting as near as he dared on Loki’s small barrel. “I had no choice. Laufey gave up their names and since he didn’t wish the Einherjar to come to he had us take care of it.”

“Did you fell the whole village?” 

Thor’s silence told him yes. “He gave all of their names Loki. And the others were eager for a fight. I’m their prince I couldn’t just do nothing.”

“Why not?” Loki challenged. It wasn’t that he really cared about the Jotun’s. It wasn’t like Thor had just undone all of his mother’s hard work. No, Loki didn’t care about that. What he cared about was that someone had decided Sif, untrained, Sif was able enough to join Thor on a quest and Loki who had been training for decades was not. But he wasn’t going to say anything about that. He would be called jealous, and Loki would not be called jealous by Thor. So he decided to just mess with the boy instead. 

“Because I’m supposed to be their leader. I’m supposed to be able to do my duty to my kingdom, and if that duty is… killing, a few people then I should be able to do so.”

Loki made sure to look at him, keeping his gaze as he delivered, “I don’t disagree.” Letting Thor relax minutely, thinking he’d won. “But I think as prince you should be able to find solutions to problems that mean you don’t have to go against your beliefs. Yes, Laufey gave you their names, but did you really have to use that knowledge to go after them yourself? Your own father didn’t think you were ready to decimate a village, he told you to go there and bring their names back to him. So Laufey didn’t want the Einherjar, so what? You don’t know that Odin was sending the Einherjar, he could have just been enforcing what Laufey already should have done. You don’t know what Odin would have done because you didn’t do it Thor. Instead, you let your arrogance rule your decision. You let the idea that a prince should do anything in his power not to appear weak before his friends overrule your mind. Did you even consider an alternative solution? Did you not try and vouch for the villagers? Ask why they might be crossing the borders? You know why they did it, so why didn’t you fight for them?”

Thor had come here already broken, he was practically shattered right now. “I-” he started, some simpering apology on his lips most likely, before something happened. Instead of breaking down like he usually did, delivering his woes to Loki, agreeing with him even, he seemed to shut down, a boom of thunder sounding overhead. “I don’t have to explain myself to you Loki.”

“No,” Loki agreed, a bit wrong footed, “But you do to your mother.” He left before Thor could unsettle him more, retreating to his home to sulk the rest of the day away. 

It wasn’t very mature to hide away from his responsibilities. But Loki supposed he was still a child, he could be allowed some leniency. 

He made up for it the next day anyway, being prompt for his training and his magic lessons. He kept out of Thor’s way the entire time however. Even when Thor tried to catch his eye, or make conversation after Frigga had left the two of them in Thor’s room. 

Thor didn’t let it get to him for too long. The very next day all effort to be nice to Loki was gone, instead Thor was doting on Sif, the two of them always in cahoots when Loki looked over. It was like their messy fight hadn’t happened. Indeed, Loki even saw them trying to eat each other again when he came to retrieve his magic book. It was a challenge not to say anything to them. 

It was a challenge to ignore all of them really. Since while Loki was upset at Thor he had no real reason to be at the Warrior’s Three. It wasn’t their decision to leave Loki behind. It wasn’t their decision to ignore Odin’s orders and kill the traitors themselves. Thor was the leader of that little mission and it was Thor that had changed on it, and Thor had changed.

Volstagg had been the one to drag Loki to the ale house one evening, promising a night of simple drinking. He’d went, sipping his drink and listening to Fandral relay his latest night of pleasure with a more attentive ear. Then Thor and Sif had strolled in. 

Obviously the other three hadn’t known Loki was avoiding Thor, why would they? Loki hadn’t told them so they had no reason to not wave their friend over. But, of course, as was usual for people who had shared experiences together, they started reminiscing after almost no prompting. Loki had to sit and watch this person that wasn’t the Thor from before take pleasure in the fact he’d murdered Jotun’s who were just trying to help their people. Loki didn’t know why it bothered him. He’d done the same, or, tried to, when he’d been on Midgard. He understood what a rush it was to be in a fight, to go on this experience crossing seas and coming back alive. He understood. 

Maybe it was the fact that Loki didn’t know the Thor that came back. This one, Loki didn’t know what he was going to do or say. He also didn’t know how long he would willingly have Loki around. Loki knew he was a difficult person to get along with, and if this Thor was so focused on his image to his friends, to his people, then maybe those whispers people made about Loki behind his back might finally start reaching Thor’s ears. 

Loki left as early as he could. Just like he did the next time they were all together. The next too. Truthfully, Loki spent more time on his own in the coming months than he did with his so called friends. It wasn’t just the stories that kept him away. As soon as his ‘friends’ realised that Loki didn’t enjoy the tales they shared they stopped telling them. But not in a mindful way where they would just not say anything at all. Instead, and he blamed Fandral for this, they started making those annoying little phrases like, “Hey now, no talk of that, we don’t want to upset Loki.” Like Loki was some child that couldn’t hear a story without throwing a tantrum. They only got worse from there, as jokes naturally did, until Loki had no choice but to avoid them.

More months passed with Loki still avoiding them, and before he knew it a full year had gone by with his new rift between them. One that got bigger as Thor announced one evening, that Loki had decided to chance staying, that they were to be going on another mission. One Loki, once again, was not allowed on. 

Loki didn’t even ask whether Thor had vouched for him this time. He didn’t want to hear Thor’s answer in case the prince said no. 

They left just as the snow started to fall, heading off to the land of the dwarves. Loki watched them until they crossed the Bifrost bridge before retreating back into Thor’s room to start on his new chapter. 

When they came back Thor was even more changed. He had a hammer by his side. Mjolnir. An enchanted thing crafted especially for him, the hammer Loki had heard about in stories from Midgard, and it was then that Loki realised he wasn’t going to reclaim whatever friendship they’d shared between them. Thor’s destiny wasn’t with Loki. He was a God, a prince, his destiny lay in the stories Loki heard going to sleep at night. Loki’s on the other hand, he was a curse to everyone he crossed.

So he didn’t see Thor, again, as soon as the horns sounded. He didn’t attend the welcome feast and he certainly didn’t answer the summons from Volstagg when they came for a friendly drink the next night. 

Loki was weighing Thor down, so he stood back and let him go. Thor would soon forget about him, and whatever good nature he still had would keep his mouth shut about Loki’s lineage. 

They became like strangers as the years passed. Thor stopped greeting him in the halls. Their training became secluded as Frigga took Loki elsewhere, saying they needed a bigger place to practice their offensive magic. The invites stopped coming from the Warrior’s Three. Loki even decided he was brave enough to chance taking Odin’s book home so he would no longer have to visit Thor’s rooms. 

Before Loki knew it he was bordering five hundred and finally hitting that last growth spurt that would bring him into adulthood. 

“You look very handsome,” Frigga complimented, hanging a fur collared cloak over his shoulders. “I’m sure Sigyn will find you so as well.”

Loki stopped himself from rolling his eyes. While Loki had been itching to hang around with her a few years ago once his blooming interest had erupted, it was not the case now. Beautiful as she had grown her conversational skills had plummeted. As had her appeal to him. Last they’d talked she’d spent a whole afternoon debating the colour of the sky. While someone else might find that the most interesting thing imaginable, Loki hadn’t. Yet, since she seemed to have gotten over Loki’s slight against her when they were younger, he would no doubt be seeing her, as he always saw her when Frigga made him attend these feasts, tonight. 

“What is this feast even for?” As far as he knew they’d already had the welcome feast for Frey and his party. While Loki did enjoy having the man around, especially when he joined Loki for his magic lessons, he didn’t see why they were having a feast for him. 

“His wife of course. I hear she’s quite the beauty.” She pinched his cheek, “She’s probably nothing like you though.”

“Flatterer,” Loki scoffed, his cheeks heating up regardless. 

He’d been invited personally, Frey had asked him the night before to be in attendance since Loki usually had his commoner status to save him from these things. He couldn’t exactly say no either. Not since Loki spent five more times through his last hundred years visiting Frey in Vanaheim. 

“Are you certain Thor won’t mind me lending his cloak?” Loki asked, fingering the fine material through his fingers. Frigga seemed to be of the persuasion Loki was always cold these days. She kept thrusting second hand clothes that no longer fit Thor at him every chance he got. If it didn’t mean Loki could save his money he would have been insulted. 

“Of course not,” Frigga assured, “Because it’s not his cloak. Consider it a gift for being so well behaved.”

He bit his tongue to stop him from throwing the gift back in Frigga’s face. He knew, even now, not to turn down gifts from the Gods. Still, he wished she wouldn’t indulge so much time into him.

He fixed his tunic, one of Thor’s old ones, as Frigga finished with her hair. Odin was already down, the feast having been going on for quite some time. It was merely pleasantries however, nothing too important like speeches or food, so they had some more time to make themselves presentable before it became rude. 

He tidied up whatever else he found until even he was satisfied with what he saw in the mirror. A few more jewels and Frigga was ready to go too, the two of them leaving the Queen’s chambers behind to walk arm in arm into the feasting hall. 

Naturally, Frigga got herself a quiet hush, the people in awe as she and Loki took their seats at the long table. When the talk did start up, Loki spared a grin to Frigga as no one could deny their Queen was otherworldly tonight. 

Loki turned to Frey, finally placing the woman he’d glimpsed beside him in his stay as the famed wife of his. “You should have told me you married. I would have gotten you a gift.”

“Your presence is a gift dear Loki,” Frey grinned, introducing the woman next to him after a moment. 

Gerd, Loki thought, was interesting for an Vanir. It took a while for Loki to realise why, and by then the cups had been filled and Loki was too busy trying not to cause a scene. Gerd, he remembered from his stories, was a Jotun. A giant to whom Frey had sold his prized weapon to gain her hand in marriage. 

She didn’t look unhappy next to him Loki thought, not like how the stories had said. She seemed quite happy in fact, leaning into Frey’s hold as he paid her some kind of compliment. He wondered if anything else was different about the stories, whether she was, indeed, a Jotun. 

He supposed he wouldn’t get the chance to ask. If he did, he doubted she would answer. So he turned his attention elsewhere, namely on ignoring a certain Sigyn that was trying to catch his eye. She had the nerve to wear that collar she’d gifted him as a double bracelet, fluttering it under the candlelight as she batted her eyelashes at him. 

If she wanted his attention, she hat it, just not in the way she probably wanted it. 

The food was brought out, Loki doing his best to keep his manners as he pondered over the problem of getting that collar back, because he was. He was definitely getting that collar back, and when he did he was selling it. Maybe gifting it to one of Freyja’s cats. She needed something to take her mind off her brother’s nuptials it may as well be some generous gift from an anonymous admirer.

It didn’t take long for him to come up with a half thought out plan. One that would get him strung up if he wasn’t careful. He loved those kinds of plans. All he had to do was wait for a good distraction.

Which came in the form of Thor.

Loki had thought the feast too quiet. When Loki had heard them from afar it was always with that loud booming laughter that Thor had developed at certain points. Tonight, there was no such thing. Probably because Thor wasn’t there.

Someone must not have told him that there was a feast. Big mistake. He came in like a bull, not shouting, but the look on his face said that he noted every single person there, every single person that was not him. He practically shoved Frey to get between him and Odin. When he spoke his voice was quiet, but since no one was talking it sounded like he was shouting. “Why was I not informed we were celebrating?”

A look from Odin had the noise resuming, Loki slipping from his place just as Frigga said, “You were informed, but I fear you did not hear me over that girl in your bed.”

Loki slid in next to Sigyn, plastering on his most charming smile. “You’re looking… nice tonight.”

“You too,” She breathed, the way she was practically presenting her breasts as she thrust him his way had him almost forgetting why he was here. “When you actually put effort in you can be quite handsome,” and then she said stuff like that and Loki remembered why he disliked well off girls. It wasn’t like he didn’t bathe. He did, regularly. It was just these girls seemed to think that just because Loki couldn’t afford the best cloth and have time to keep his hair in order when he spent all day training that he wasn’t presentable. 

He made sure his smile didn’t slip, sure his eye twitched however as he leaned a little further in. “You know, I’ve been thinking, all this time we’ve been spending together, maybe we could, I don’t know, have some fun?”

She started slightly, a worried, “I don’t think-”

“No,” he hurried, “Nothing like that. I- I don’t think I’m ready for  _ that _ .” He let his cheeks heat, knowing for a fact women found vulnerability and inexperience attractive if it was played right. 

Sigyn relaxed once more, a coy smirk etching its way onto her face. “Oh,” she purred, her hand trailing circles on his own. The one with that damn collar on. “I see.”

“Just, maybe a kiss? I’ve never… either.”

She was practically beaming now, especially because Loki knew for a fact the last boy she’d kissed had said it was bad. Someone without experience in kissing she would be able to trick into thinking she was the best they’d ever had. At least until they managed to find someone else to tongue. 

“Well I can hardly turn that offer down. Especially from you.” She leaned in, Loki rearing at the speed.

“Not here,” he hissed, eyeing the people trying not to listen in. “Somewhere private.” Sigyn didn’t look convinced, especially since this was where all the gossip was. So he put his winning smile back on. “The hall maybe, nowhere too far. I just want it to be the two of us.”

She eyed the door. “Fine,” then hoisted him up and out before he could breathe. 

No time was wasted. As soon as they made it out she had him up against the nearest guard free wall. Her lips were soft, a bit forceful but not unpleasant. He let her take the lead, leaning back to give him a few, probably ill advised, pointers before delving back in. 

While his mouth was busy, he used his clever hands to gently, hesitantly so as not to draw attention, slide down her arms until he was holding her wrists. The collar was in his grip just as she turned her hands up and slotted them into his. He could have worked with it, maybe moving his fingers around until he could clutch it again, had she not pinned them to the wall hissing, “Keep them there,” as her own hands went inside his new cloak.

He tried to come up with another devious plan, maybe coerce her a bit more, when one of Sigyn’s hands just went straight for his breeches. For a girl who was moments ago worried about fucking him she sure had changed her mind now. She was clutching him, her fingers stroking as she grinned giddily up at him.

At least, she had been. As her fingers slid over him again the grin left, replaced instead with a frown and her other hand feeling him. He was too busy trying regain thought to realise what had her stumped. His confusion didn’t last long however. 

All it took was a simple, “Where are your balls?” before Loki lost all interest in this farce. 

He batted her away with one hand, fear overriding the other to grasp her forehead, his magic working before he could think a full spell in delving into her mind. He could see many things in there, her dull thoughts and the things she herself said about him when she wasn’t trying to impress him. None of them were very nice and most of them were hopes that Balder was taking note of her interest in Loki. She was trying to make him jealous, she probably didn’t even like Loki. It made the small dribble of guilt he felt at doing this leave as he found the recent memories they had just made and manipulated them. 

They came out, he left that. They shared a kiss, but not the one that had him against the wall. This one was softer, sweeter, like a first kiss really should be. She hadn’t wanted to upset him by giving him false hope and as an apology she gave away the collar to him, hoping it would spur Balder along enough to make a move if she thought Loki had gained a bit more than just her eye.

Everything else was gone, buried never to be seen or thought again. 

He took his hand away feeling winded. He’d never done that kind of spell before. Hadn’t known he could. He’d read about it in Odin’s book but never had he a subject to test it on. Now he knew. What a day this was turning out to be.

“Oh Loki, I’m so glad you’re okay with this.” 

He tuned back in to Sigyn, watching as she slipped the collar away from her wrist. She wrapped it gently around his own, holding his hand when she was done to smile gratefully at him.

“You’re so sweet, do you know that? You deserve someone who will really make you happy.”

“Thank you,” he choked out, snatching his hand away. He cleared his throat, his voice more steady this time as he bid her back to the hall. 

They got a few sly looks when they entered, Loki seeing Balder barely bat them an eye. Sigyn wouldn’t be pleased. 

Loki took his seat back with Frey, the collar glinting at him the whole time. 

“I said you looked handsome Loki and it seemed I was right,” Frigga said, bringing Loki’s attention to the faces sniggering at him. 

Loki pasted on a smile, something he’d done too much of tonight. “Actually, it turns out Sigyn isn’t interested. Not in me at least.”

“Why not?” This time asked by Thor, which threw Loki for a loop. He seemed to have calmed since Loki left, his plate full and eyes slightly glazed.

Loki shrugged as his voice found its way back to him, humour taking over if only to remove the attention from himself. “I guess Balder’s just that irresistible. Not that I blame her taste mind you. I wouldn’t mind a go myself if he was interested.”

They laughed, everyone knowing how popular Balder was with just about every Asgardian female ever since he’d reached adulthood and after a few consolations the attention shifted back to the gossip of the night. Which, thankfully wasn’t Loki. 

He suffered through the last few hours in silence, eating enough to fill his stomach and avoid questions being posed in his direction. When he finally stumbled home, lying in the mound of furs and his new cloak he couldn’t help but laugh maniacally at the stars. He’d wiped someone’s memory. He’d put in new memories! He was capable of magic he didn’t even know he could do.

Best of all, he had that stupid freaking collar. The one he stripped of its gems until he could sell them separately tomorrow. He held it up, the sparse light in his hut lighting it like stars. 

He sold most of the gems the next day in exchange for a new set of throwing knives, each one individually crafted with snakes and wolves on the hilt. They were weapons fit for a king and would suit Loki’s needs very nicely. With the last five, he took one to the blacksmith’s and had him render up a round plate with the gems studded along the flat sides. It took two days for it to be ready, but when it was Loki agreed it had been worth the wait. Alongside the gems were carvings of snowflakes, an unusual design but one Loki thought fitting for the gift he was crafting. 

He’d bought the wood yesterday from old ships and merchants who had no other use for it. If he still had his training he would have had some difficulty finding the time to carve the shield he intended. However, around three decades ago someone had decided Loki wasn’t fit to be an Einherjar. Apparently, even with his fighting prowess they didn’t want some boy whose shoulders would probably never fill out protecting their realm.

That was fine. It only irked him for a few days. It wasn’t like he really needed to be a warrior. The only reason Loki had decided to try and go for it was because of the coin.These days however, he had a good bit saved up, and with his newfound talents alongside well known name among the traders he would be fine without it. 

It came in handy too for things like this. Loki hadn’t realised how much he’d forgotten about wood carving until he’d tried to fix the wall on his hut. He still wasn’t brilliant, but everyone who had grown up in his village knew the process of making a shield. There were no markets for buying shields, if a man wanted one they had to make it himself, or find someone willing enough to make it for him. Siv had helped Loki make his first shield, the one that had been broken as easily as a twig under the Asgardian’s fists. 

He stole the paints he used, figuring they wouldn’t be missed and had his project finished in a matter of days. His magic smoothed out the sides a bit more as he hefted the shield on his back. It probably would never be used, but gifts were all about the thought.

Frey, when he saw it, was delighted with the shield. It was actually quite impressive now Loki looked at it from an outsiders point of view. It wasn’t golden like the shields the warriors in Asgard wore, but the rustic wood and blue paint gave it a uniqueness that was pretty beautiful. He, of course, spotted mistakes in the paint, but he could live with it since the centrepiece really was the metal middle with the gems. It was very Midgardian, something Frey will just think Loki had picked up in a book.

“I thought Gerd might like the gems when the shield starts rotting. You can have them made into a hairpiece or something.”

“I’m sure she’ll just have me come back and have you re-carve the the shield Loki.” Frey hoisted it up, stumbling a bit under the weight. Asgardian shields were lighter than Midgard’s. They had magic to make the gold light and easy to handle, they didn’t have to suffer under the weight of heavy wood that only got heavier under the weariness of battle. “What made you come up with the design?”

He looked at the snowflakes on the front, the blue paint that covered the shield and white stripe down the middle. He wanted to say it was inspired by Gerd, the maybe Jotun that Frey had smuggled from Jotunheim. Instead, knowing that people were always listening here, he shrugged, saying, “I heard a story when I was younger about a prince who gave up his sword for a beautiful woman. I guess, you just reminded me of it.”

“It’s lovely,” Frey promised, his smile sharpening slightly, softening once more as he set the shield aside and started battering Loki about with his magic. 

Frey and Gerd stayed for a further three days. Loki didn’t see them much. Frey very seldom since his visit here had been on the request of the Allfather. Gerd Loki saw only once, and that was when she was thanking him for the wedding gift. For a moment, as she clasped his hand, he could have sworn both their skins turned blue. He didn’t draw attention to it, and neither did she, both of them understanding their danger here. 

Their last day, Frigga all but dragged Loki down to the top steps, the whole royal family lined up alongside him. He felt his cheeks burning as the small crowd come to wish Frey and Gerd off started whispering. He knew they were wondering why, again, he was given such a privilege. They’d done the same when he sat alongside the royal family at the feast, even before that when he accompanied Frigga on her walks to the lower city. More than anything he could feel the looks Sif and the Warrior’s Three were throwing him. They weren’t up here. Even as Thor’s best friends and famed heroes of Asgard they were standing below with the crowd of people. They more than anyone were the ones questioning why Loki got special treatment, to which even Loki didn’t know. 

Yet here he was, being embraced by Frey. “Visit soon Loki,” Frey insisted.

“As soon as I’m able,” Loki promised, wanting to explore more of the library he still hadn’t completely seen on his travels. 

Gerd came to him when Frey was finished, Loki surprised at the embrace he got from her too. “Your gift was lovely,” She said, slipping something into his hand. “I only hope my own will bring you the joy yours has.”

She moved away before Loki could ask more, Frey and Gerd seeming to hurry as they walked to the Bifrost. Loki watched until the rainbow light took them before looking down to his hand.

A scroll, worn and ripped like it had been used in a hurry, was laying in his palm. He was tempted to open it there, was going to as well just as Frigga covered his hand, and the scroll with her own, tugging him away from the procession until they were back in the halls of the palace. “You had best be home Loki. Your mother will be worrying,” she nudged, bringing him out to a opening without any guards. “Be sure to come on time for your lesson tomorrow.”

He went when she pushed him, strolling back to his hut more confused than ever. Especially because Frigga hadn’t called them lessons in a while. He did, just because he was used to the name, but Frigga had long ago admitted they were less lessons and more a way for her to keep an eye on him as he practiced his magic. 

Alone, Loki finally got a good look at the scroll. He had a half hope it was some kind of spell. One that Frey knew Frigga wouldn’t want him knowing. He’d pulled such a stunt before. Yet when he opened it, Frey’s handwriting wasn’t what greeted him. Instead, as the Allspeak translated, he saw a message written by a larger hand. One bigger than anyone Loki could think of. 

_ The border of Vanaheim.  _ It read. Loki didn’t have to know which border the message meant.


	10. Chapter 10

There wasn’t a time no matter how much Loki looked, nor a date from now in which he was meant to meet up with the sender. Just those words and nothing more. 

He didn’t think for a moment Frigga wasn’t involved somehow the longer he looked. The way she herded him out spoke of a woman who knew exactly what was going on, and how dangerous it was. Which it was. This message was dangerous, somehow. Loki could hazard a guess it had something to do with Jotunheim, but the why it was given to him and not Frigga, why he was being involved at all, escaped him.

He supposed he would find out. 

He wanted to leave as soon as he could, but Frigga had been adamant about him meeting up for their lessons tomorrow. She must be taking him to Vanaheim. Or she had something else to tell him. Regardless, he wasn’t going to just ignore Frigga for some unknown danger, so he waited, and when the next day came he packed as subtly as he could for his trip to Vanaheim.

No one gave him a second glance as he walked into the palace. No one gave him a second glance either when he was forcefully grabbed and dragged into an abandoned room. 

The wall hit his back, hard enough that the doorknob was definitely going to bruise him. He shifted uncomfortably against it as he glared at his assailant. Thor should know better by now that Loki could get out of a hold like this, he did too, his eyes daring Loki to try before he’d gotten what he wanted.

“What was in that scroll?”

Loki sighed, relaxing his arms, “A spell,” he’d already come up with his explanation last night. “Frey does that sometimes. He was trying to be clever having Gerd give me it. But Frigga guessed anyway.”

Thor’s grip lessened, “A spell?”

“What did you think it was?” Loki laughed, “Some kind of message?”

“Well…” 

He cast Thor’s hands off him. “You used to be so trusting,” Loki sighed, “Do you honestly think I’m capable of treason?”

Thor’s mouth twisted, the two of them knowing that despite Loki’s nature he hadn’t actually done anything dangerously treasonous. Even when he’d been helping Frigga and Thor alike he’d technically been on the side of the crown since it was the crown telling him to do those things. Yet, as was usual since Thor’s first quest, his faith in Loki was outweighed by how others expected him to act. The doubt on himself left to be replaced with another scowl,“You can hardly blame me for thinking it.”

“Can’t I?” He was going to be late at this rate. “Look Thor, if you want to believe that a bit of fun is something sinister then go ahead. But I have places to be, so keep your conspiracy theories to yourself.”

He left before Thor’s temper could get started. Over the years Loki had seen it bloom from a niggling flicker to full out storm. These days he was constantly finding something to go off about. The other day at the feast was just as glimmer of what Loki had seen over the years, and while it was impressive it was also annoying. If Loki hadn’t already distanced himself from Thor before Thor’s temper would have him wanting to do it now. Loki blamed the quests. They were moulding him into something that was going to get him into trouble sooner or later. With his friends not challenging him, not shutting him down and encouraging his behaviour Thor didn’t have anyone to show him that some things weren’t acceptable. Loki wasn’t willing to fill that gap anymore.

Frigga wasn’t dressed for travelling when Loki got to her rooms. The book Odin had given him was still lying on the shelf Loki had moved it to. He thought about getting it. He didn’t. Merely because before he could Frigga embraced him like she was never going to see him again.

“I don’t understand,” Loki said.

She pulled back, cupping his face like she always did when she wanted a good look at him. It helped now he was also taller than her. “I’m just a bit worried. Ignore me. Now,” she let go, fetching another cloak Loki knew wasn’t made for Thor. 

“You shouldn’t have.” He let her drape it over his shoulders regardless.

“You might get cold. Don’t worry,” She assured when Loki looked around, “Heimdall can’t see us. He’s never been able to see you, did you know that? I asked him once about it, I think your magic has always been able to unconsciously shield you from him.”

“Is that a good thing?” 

Frigga hesitated before patting the cloak straight, “In this case it is.” She pulled him in front of the mirror, finally grabbing the book Odin had gifted Loki and turning it to a chapter Loki had merely glanced at before. “If you wish to return, merely use this spell. It’s not too complicated to complete, and I’m sure with your talents you will have no trouble.” She cast it now, the mirror’s image in front of him blurring, twisting, until the familiar room he always stayed in at Vanaheim took its place. 

The book was packed into his bag, Frigga not wasting anymore time as she clasped his hand one last time and hurried him forward. He got his wits about him on the other side. Enough for him to question why Frigga said ‘if’ and not ‘when’, like whoever wanted to see him might persuade him not to return.

There was noone on the other side of the mirror, and Loki let his curiosity about this new way to transverse the realms be pushed aside in favour of going to the border. The halls were empty, like Frey had ordered everyone in this wing to leave so Loki could pass without being seen. The city he easily hid his face under his hood, no magic needed here to blend in with the Vanir going about their daily lives. 

It took hours to walk to the border where he knew the veil was weak. When he got there, he wasn’t all that surprised to see Frey standing at the place where, centuries ago, Thor and Loki had made their camp.

“You came,” Frey greeted, looking like he hadn’t expected Loki to.

“I did.”

Gerd wasn’t with him. Loki wanted to ask why. She was in the know enough to be able to hand him a message, he would have thought she would be here also. But he didn’t. He held his tongue and let Frey position him how he would. He let himself be left there as Frey disappeared between the veils and back, this time with a Jotun with him.

For a moment, Loki thought it was the Jarl. He certainly was tall enough. But Loki knew the Jarl had been killed with Geitla and his family. Besides, the markings weren’t right.

Frey came beside Loki again, nudging him slightly forward. “You can change,” he murmured.

“Into what?” Loki asked, even if he knew with utmost certainty Frey wasn’t talking about a change of clothes. 

The Jotun knelt before Frey could answer, his hand larger than Loki’s torso coming to poke lightly at Loki’s hand. There was a flare of blue, Loki never keeping his eyes of Frey, daring him to do something, to try and kill him. Yet Frey didn’t look at him any differently than he did the first time they met. There was still that essence of warmth saved for Loki. It begged the question how long he knew, and whether Frigga knew the same.

“You are smaller than I thought,” The Jotun said, Loki breaking his stare to assess him.

“I’m still growing,” Loki quipped. 

The Jotun shook his head sadly, his finger pressing further, the blue spreading until Loki decided to just cast off his other skin. “No, you will never grow as tall as your brothers.”

“Blame my parents then, since I certainly didn’t ask to be born like this.” He didn’t like the way he was being assessed. The Jotun seemed to be testing Loki’s disguise, as if he was hoping his magic was hiding Loki’s true Jotun nature. Alas, no matter how much Loki matured he feared he would never grow horns or as tall as the Jotun’s he’d met all those years ago.

He let the Jotun continue his prodding for a while longer before annoyance set in. Casting the finger off with a swipe, he took a step back, the message being received as the Jotun didn’t try and reach for him again.

“What am I doing here? For what purpose have you requested me?” Since he had both Frey and Frigga at his disposal. Both of them were just as proficient, maybe even more so, in being able to help the Jotun’s in their plights. Loki didn’t even have his status as a warrior of Asgard anymore. Apart from his Jotun nature Loki couldn’t see why he specifically had been called upon.

Yet the Jotun had. “What have they told you?”

“Nothing.” Not so much as a warning in his direction. 

An accusatory look was sent over Loki’s shoulder, whatever answer Frey gave making the Jotun turn back, his eyes still considering as he assessed Loki once more. “I requested to see you because I was curious. Frey and Gerd had told me of a Jotun living among the Aesir. I had wondered how. Why. I suppose the how has been answered.”

The why was left hanging between them, the Jotun waiting for Loki to answer of his own accord. He considered saying something grand about having a glorious purpose in Asgard. He didn’t. There was no point. Lying was only beneficial when there was something to be gained from it. Right now, Loki was bargaining and wanting with nothing. “I have been to Jotunheim. Once. But I was not born there. My land was Midgard before I was taken by Asgardians. I hoped to return, just as I thought perhaps there might be a home for me in Jotunheim. But Asgard is the place for me. It’s… beneficial,” he finished with, finding no other word to explain his need to stay in Asgard a while longer.

“Beneficial?” The Jotun echoed.

“For now.”

The Jotun hummed, an almost impressed note hiding amongst the contemplation. “What did you think of Jotunheim when you visited?”

“Truthfully?” 

The Jotun nodded.

“I thought it surviving.” He thought again of the Jarl. “Barely. I believe it is probably even worse now the threat of being discovered in other realms has set in.” It was one of the more popular quests Thor took up. He and his friends would seek passage to Jotunheim from Odin and gain the names of any traitors to the peace from Laufey. From there, it was like their first quest all over again. It made Loki wonder what he would do now, if he saw Loki with a Jotun across the border. Would he kill Loki too if his friends asked it of him? That seemed to be all it took these days. “You know, maybe someone should have words with Laufey about loyalty. I understand that this treaty with Asgard is frail but loyalty to his realm should come first, and with that the need to keep quiet about the people who are only trying to help.”

The Jotun reared slightly, his head cocking, “You think it right to let people to commit treason then little one?”

That name, it was like everyone in Jotunheim couldn’t help themselves in reminding him he was always going to be ‘little one’ to them. He shook it off, focusing again on figuring out just where this talk was going. “I think treason has many meanings, and Laufey uses it too freely. Just because you don’t want war it doesn’t mean you should let your people die. Should another war inevitably come, Laufey should be thinking more on the amount of soldiers he could have at his disposal rather than the carcasses he’s giving away to appease an Allfather who won’t even come to investigate the borders himself. If Odin truly thought the Jotuns coming to Vanaheim a threat, he wouldn’t be sending Thor.”

The Jotun looked over Loki’s shoulder again, “He is wise.”

“I know,” Frey agreed. “Resourceful too.”

“And also not deaf.”

The Jotun gave Loki his full attention once more. “I must return to Jotunheim soon. Already I fear the watcher is waiting to tell Odin I have disappeared.” Frey must be shielding them Loki thought, but that wouldn’t prevent Heimdall from spotting the Jotun suddenly disappearing and appearing in a place that he knows marks the border to Vanaheim. “They tell me you haven’t much use in Asgard anymore, that your studies run dry and your training ended. While I no doubt know there may be some scheme awaiting you, I ask you now if you would wish to come to Jotunheim with me.”

Somehow Loki sensed a forever in there. 

As much as he would have liked to give a definitive no, he didn’t. Asgard had served him well so far, but he lacked ambition now he had lost his purpose there. Before, he’d wanted to get better at his magic, maybe even journey with Thor on quests and see more of the realms the Gods hid from Midgard. Now however, he didn’t even know he could journey around the realms unseen until now. 

The temptation to go to Jotunheim was strong. Made stronger by the Jotun saying, “Your family will be pleased to see you I think.”

His family. He had been curious about who they were. It wasn’t like he would truly be trapped there. Not like the rest of Jotunheim. He was sure if he read Odin’s book there would be more than one way for him to escape once Jotunheim had served its purpose. “You know who they are?” Loki made sure.

“Indeed. It was Laufey himself who bid me come collect you Loki.”

Laufey, Loki had heard that name spoken before, when Thor told him the story of the child that had perhaps been lost on Midgard. Loki hadn’t believed Thor when he spoke of the king of Jotunheim losing a child before, he didn’t so much now, knowing that there was no way he was a prince. But perhaps the question of his parentage would grant him some security over the border. Enough for Loki to find himself a niche in the land of the giants to establish himself from before they decided he wasn’t who they thought. 

In that case, Loki turned to regard Frey again, the man not looking at all surprised when Loki said, “You have been good to me.”

“Think nothing of it Loki,” he said, his words final in a way that told him further words wouldn’t be needed.

Loki turned to the Jotun, striding without being told towards the rip between the realms. The blast of cold air was welcome to his overheated skin as he stepped through, the colours of Vanaheim disappearing as the white of Jotunheim stretched before him. 

The giant that had come for him joined him after a moment, taking no moment to wait as he hefted Loki up and started a long journey to Utgard.

Loki dozed at some point, his dreams filled with tales of Utgard that he had heard in his childhood. When he woke he thought himself still that small child sitting by Siv’s fire, his day ahead filled with the simple toils she set him. It took a moment for him to remember that life was long behind him. That he was now staring at a realm that was very much real and very much barren.

The giant must have rested at some point. That or he had more stamina than Loki anticipated as he showed no signs of stopping anytime soon. In fact, noting Loki awake, the Jotun started a tour of sorts as they walked the expanse of the giant’s land.

This was the world of ice. But that wasn’t all that Jotunheim had. Jotunheim wasn’t a world after all, it was a realm. One as bit as Asheim, as big as Midgard even. Perhaps bigger. Beyond the ice lay the land of the mountains where the rock folk lay, and from them the hill folk. Jotunheim was a realm of giants, to assume there was only one sort was just foolish. 

It opened up a host of questions Loki never knew he had. Questions about Laufey, his role as king of Jotunheim. The answer was that many, Asgard included, believed that Laufey as king meant he was merely king over the ice folk. Not so. As king of Jotunheim he was king of all the realm, and all the folk within. Therefore, to hear of his defeat when Loki knew of the power at his disposal was even more troubling. 

“They cheated,” the Jotun said simply. “On the last days of the war while Laufey was weak on Midgard Odin bid his Queen to steal the casket of ancient winters. Powerful as we are, Laufey is still a frost giant, as were the majority of his army. Without the casket our strength waned enough that the Aesir king managed to apprehend us.”

“Frigga stole the casked?” He made sure.

The Jotun nodded. “I do not believe she thought it would be a permanent arrangement. Her son was not long weaned, and threats had been made to find the child. I think she merely wished the war over with as quickly as possible.”

Which made sense. One of the first things Loki had known about Frigga was her love for Thor. Fearsome as she was Loki wouldn’t put it past her to do whatever she had to to protect her son. Even if she didn’t realise what she was handing over to Odin as a result.

The walk flew by quicker the longer Loki heard the Jotnars’ side of the war. He could have asked more had they not needed to finally rest as night fell once more.

Awake this time, Loki witnessed what he hadn’t the night before. With three quick strikes of a sharpened ice hand the giant cut through the ice beneath their feet, creating a sort of divet that stopped the worst of the winds from disturbing them as they lay to sleep. 

It was the Jotun equivalent to the camps Loki was used to, and extremely effective. Since the snow didn’t bother him too much, it acted more as a blanket as it landed on him in sleep. To the giant, the snow wasn’t too deep when they woke, and lucky for Loki he had been hidden beneath the curve the Jotun’s arm made when he lay on his side so digging themselves out didn’t take too long. 

Food Loki had plenty in his sack, the Jotun trying them when they were offered, but commenting that the meals were too small for him the more easily they ran out.

It took three days to reach Utgard, and when they did get there the Jotun set him down to make the last leg of their trip on foot.

At his height, the shining spires of black rock and ice that formed the great city was unspeakable. It was beautiful in such a raw way, but also sad. The people here were few and far between, Loki knowing it wasn’t just their busy lives keeping them from transversing the streets. There were structures boarded over, some of them crumbled to disrepair. The people’s faces were gaunt, their eyes lifeless as Loki and the Jotun passed them. 

They looked like the Midgardians before Northumbria had been discovered. All of them on the verge of something terrible. 

Odin had surely dealt a blow to Jotunheim. Loki just wondered if Odin knew how big that was.

The palace lived at the very heart of the kingdom, and where Asgard had gleaming warriors waiting to lay down their lives it looked like Jotunheim still hadn’t managed to replenish their numbers enough to even suggest a guard never mind a fleet. 

That wasn’t to say there was no one. There were a few giants further in. More bustling around as they neared the heart of the palace. His eyes were starting to catalogue the differences, seeing how the class system worked here in terms of wear or posture. 

He had the beginnings of understanding in his mind as they came to the throne room. It wasn’t as lavish as Asgard. Really, the only thing Loki had to say about the throne was that it was big. There were no lavish ornaments or momentous jewels, just a throne and a giant within it. 

The Jotun next to Loki bowed, Loki following his lead. Son or not Loki needed to stay on Laufey’s good side, and that meant showing respect when it was due. 

Laufey bid them up. “You have done well Byleistr. I hope the journey was not too strenuous.”

“Not at all father.” He bowed again, shoving Loki forward when he was done before leaving him, alone, with the king of the giants. 

Laufey was a giant amongst giants. When he stood to further come closer to Loki, the ground shook beneath his steps. He was every bit as monstrous as the stories both Siv and Thor had told him, and Loki couldn’t help be awed by him. Even kneeling he seemed to be only the passing Byleistr’s height, and it took further crouching before they were anything close to eye to eye. “Loki,” the king greeted.

“Laufey king,” Loki returned.

“What have they told you of me?” Straight to the point then.

“Not much, I confess,” Loki said. “Only that they hope I’m the child you lost on Midgard. I understand the rumours are more disappointing in person. You have my promise I will not spread false tales such as these while I remain in your realm.”

The king crouched further, “You do not believe them?”

A smile creeped onto Loki’s face. “My king I doubt someone like you could possibly father something as small as me. Just look at your son.” Something Loki was kicking himself for not realising sooner. 

“I am.” Laufey’s hand came up, the tip of his finger grazing the raised lines on Loki’s head. “These lines, they are proof of parentage. They are my marks, and Farbauti, your sire. Any Jotun who sees you will know you are my child without question Loki.”

“Oh.” He didn’t think it would be that simple. On Midgard there were children that were called into question all the time for who their father’s were. It took an age for the parents to sort it out, and even then the uncertainty was still lingering around them. Yet, on Jotunheim, it seemed it was as simple as a few raised lines. “Huh. So, what now?” Since he certainly hadn’t planned for this possibility. Really, Loki was going to ask for some kind of guest right for a few days before he found a way to build himself a hut, make himself a home like the one he had left in Asgard. This… he had nothing to comment on about this. 

Laufey on the other hand, seemed to know what to do. He stood, towering over Loki, and led him through the doors.

In the coming months Loki found what it was to be a son of a prince. He was introduced properly to Byleistr, his younger brother overjoyed that Loki was finally amongst their ranks. He was also introduced to Helblindi, a giant that didn’t share his younger’s natural inclination to embrace the lost son of Laufey. He was younger than Loki, again, and right now was acting crown prince. It was only natural he was a bit resentful, Loki was effectively stealing what had once been his. 

It wasn’t like Loki had set out to do so. Or that he even was now. So far Laufey hadn’t mentioned a word of handing over the succession to Loki. Which was smart since Loki wouldn’t want that responsibility. Not now anyway. He was a runt amongst giants and that wasn’t always a good thing. 

The people seemed to see him as a bad omen, namely because he was the reason their king was unable to properly defend himself on Midgard. This tiny thing had crippled Laufey, and he would cripple Jotunheim again if he had the chance.

Helblindi seemed to stoke these thoughts, Loki seeing him go down to the common people of Jotunheim daily to stir up more trouble. 

When Loki wasn’t listening to rumours he was being integrated into life as a prince of Jotunheim. Training was a big part of it, Laufey wanting to see what Loki was capable of. The magic, it seemed, was a pleasant surprise- one Loki only let slip in little parlour tricks. He wasn’t stupid enough to show Laufey what he was truly capable of. It was one thing to be welcomed back as a son and another as a potential weapon. 

A lot of politics was thrust upon him in a short space of time, Loki forced to sit in on meetings and audiences, witnessing the giants from all realms come to the heart of Utgard to see their king. The rock folk were a curious bunch, bringing forth goods to trade but not staying long to make a good profit. The hill folk were the same, but unlike the rock folk they came with more healing tonics and magics than goods. Neither could stomach the cold for long.

It wasn’t a bad life to be prince. It was certainly nice to not have to make another hut from scratch or figure out how to make a living here. But Loki found being a prince was boring in a way that everyday fighting to survive wasn’t. He had free time in a way he never had before. He didn’t have trades to make or battles to prepare for. When he had free time he had just that, free time. At first he thought to dedicate it to his magic study, or even just reading from the scant scrolls that were in Jotunheim’s supposed library. But eventually that lost its appeal when Laufey dedicated a section of Loki’s day to reading. 

It was boredom, he thought, that drove Helblindi to come up with more creative insults to spew behind Loki’s back. It was also boredom that had Byleistr coming to Loki’s door again and again seeking friendship from a brother that should have been with him from birth. 

He didn’t exactly hate being a brother. It was an experience, certainly. But Byleistr had expectations of what he thought Loki should be. He had this image of a boy that had made it through all these trials, ‘living with the Midgardians’ ‘surviving Asgard’ and when he spoke of Loki to others Loki didn’t recognise himself in his brother’s words. 

Byleistr also thought they were close enough in the few months Loki had been back to start including him in talk that certainly shouldn’t have made Loki’s ears. 

“And that is Guma?” Loki clarified, picking out the giant Byleistr had been speaking of. He was a giant of a bulky build, sturdy where many were merely average.

“Yes. He should be eating with us tonight.” Byleistr used the ‘he’ here despite everyone telling Loki numerous times there was no gender. His brother, at least, seemed to understand that sometimes habits were hard to break.

Guma was one of Helblindi’s suitors. One of the more prosperous ones anyway. His wide hips meant that he was able to bear as well as sire children well enough, and the fact he was one of the few that were trying to make a name as a warrior of the realm also garnered some extra interest from the crown prince. 

“What does father think of him?” Loki thought he was a sly prospect without even speaking to him. There was just something about the eyes that spoke of gentle calculation. 

“He thinks Guma is a good match. Often of late he has asked Guma to dine with us. I think he is eager to have them wed. It’s just Helblindi now that needs to make a decision.”

There were other suitors. Ones Loki had seen milling about the palace on occasion. One of them was a Hill giant, looking close to leaving any day now as the cold grated worse and worse on his unprotected skin. Quite frankly why he made the journey at all was a mystery. Didn’t the giant know they would have to spend the rest of their life in the palace if they were chosen. Perhaps the prospect of living a life as good as Farbauti’s was enough of a incentive to have even a Hill giant want to sacrifice their comfort for a slice of power.

Speaking of, Loki spotted his so called sire now, walking arm in arm with Laufey as the preparations for their evening meal was laid out. 

Loki had thought with the warm welcome he’d received from Laufey and the fact Farbauti didn’t have to worry about Loki stealing his place in the palace would mean that there would be another person welcoming him with open arms. Not so. Farbauti refused to believe that he could have sired something as runtish as Loki. It wasn’t just Loki’s size that disturbed Farbauti. Apparently his so called affinity with magic was so outlandish that Farbauti started accusing Laufey of laying with another and refused, even as he sat hand in hand with his king, to rescind his words. 

Loki to Farbauti was nothing more than a pretender. Farbauti believed that so much he was out with Helblindi sowing rumours to the people every chance he got. He was adamant more than Helblindi that Loki wasn’t to get the crown.

Dining together was an interesting affair that night. To gain favour Guma was appealing more to Farbauti than Laufey, gentling his insults against Loki as compliments to his so called beloved Helblindi. It sealed Helblindi’s affections in any case. They were practically mounting each other, little heirs waiting to be conceived as the drink ran dry.

Loki wasn’t really surprised when the wedding was announced a few days later. 

He was surprised by what happened the eve of the wedding however. 

Jotunheim weddings weren’t that much different to what Loki had witnessed on Midgard and Asgard. There were a lot of promises, a lot of drinking and a lot of raunchy talk. Loki was basically invisible surrounded by the giants at his side. Even Byleistr didn’t see him amongst the crowd, too busy drinking and being merry with other giants his age. It meant, that when the rock giant came running in, screaming something about an attack on Laufey, Loki was again an afterthought to be gathered with the rest of the royal family.

He arrived to the scene of the crime only to be told that Laufey had already been moved to the healing chambers. Loki, already out of breath from fighting through a horde of giants and running through the massive halls, basically ordered the giant who told him this to carry him there if he knew what was good for him. 

The attack had been dealt in Helblindi’s chambers. Laufey had been there to make sure everything was prepared for the consummation ceremony. Someone had ambushed him, struck him in the head and chest. The blood, since Loki really had been a while getting to Helblindi’s chambers, was already cleaned up, but the wound was still there when the giant set him down in the healing rooms. 

Loki wanted to say his heart went out, that he was scared Laufey wouldn’t make it. But, honestly, he didn’t know Laufey well enough to feel anything other than mild concern that the king was injured.

“Is he going to live?” Loki asked, not knowing what else to say in this situation.

Farbauti and Helblindi had nothing but dark looks for him, Byleistr the only one who said, “Yes.” Even then it wasn’t in the comforting manner Loki was expecting. 

The night passed with Loki sitting at Laufey’s bedside with the rest of the royal family, listening to what the healer suggested as he worked out what he was going to do. 

Since he was going to have to do something. This attack was too careful not to have been planned, and if it was going the way Loki thought it was, he was going to need to ready himself for some trying times ahead. 

Morning came with preparations being made to send Laufey to the Hill folk, their magic the only thing that would enable him a swift recovery.

“If it means him being well again,” Farbauti sighed, keeping hold of Laufey’s hand until he could no more. 

The princes were sent to their rooms, Loki digging out his magic book as soon as he was inside, stuffing it in a pack, ready by his door as he waited for the day to unfold. He grabbed a nap where he could, busying himself with other tasks when he wasn’t. When he tried removing himself from his rooms he wasn’t surprised to see he had a few giants trailing him. They assured him that there were people watching Helblindi and Byleistr too, assurances that Loki only half believed as he fetched food from the kitchens for himself. 

At evening fall, the summons came. 

Helblindi, unsurprisingly, had taken over Laufey’s rule while the king was away, as was his right as crown prince. Farbauti stood solid at one side, Guma at the other all three of them the picture of family solidarity as it should be. 

“You want to know where I was when the attack happened,” Loki guessed. “And I suppose no amount of I was at the feast will get you to believe me.” After all, the scant giants who did see him were drunk and the rest didn’t look down to Loki’s level for the entirety of the feast. It was perfect, really, since it was well known that Loki wasn’t exactly favoured by the entire royal family. An attack on Laufey would also be plausible. These people didn’t know him. They didn’t know what his reasons were for being here. 

“We don’t want to think badly of you brother,” Helblindi said, his tone, for once, that of an unbiased ruler rather than the bratty jealous younger sibling he’d been of late. It made Loki more certain than ever that he had something to do with Laufey’s demise. 

Like Loki said, it was perfect. With Loki here Helblindi’s place was being questioned. In order for him to securely get it back he needed to remove Loki, something that wasn’t going to happen with Laufey present. While Helblindi still had his power as crown prince he needed a reason to assert it without question. Hence, removing Laufey, leaving Helblindi sole ruler and giving him a perfect reason to remove Loki because of the speculation of both his actions at the feast and his presence in Jotunheim overall. 

“I suppose no arguing that I couldn’t possibly have done it because the wounds were too high and angle wrong would assuage you either?” Which, oh yeah, they hadn’t thought of. 

Those three sets of red eyes shared a look, each of them trying to find a way around Loki’s argument. They couldn’t. Not only because Loki had no real friends here willing to commit treason for him, but because Loki had been careful. Exceptionally careful. He made sure they didn’t know the extent of his magic. The most they had seen him do was change Byleistr a different colour. Holding weapons of Jotun height and weight with magic would be a task for a more advanced mage, one that didn’t know merely how to make a Jotun yellow. 

“I didn’t do this,” Loki insisted. “You know this, and I would appreciate it if the speculation stayed off my person.” He bowed. “I will be in my room if you need me. Please have the guards you have placed on me removed.”

They weren’t, but Loki wasn’t really counting on that to work. Over the next three days he was pulled into more and more audiences with his brother and more and more these things grew in size of jurors. Each time he went he was accosted with different ways he could have assaulted Laufey and each time Loki posed them more and more evidence that showed no one of his size could have possibly committed that crime. 

On his last one, half of Utgard in attendance, Loki’s patience was wearing so thin, his mind so tired that he said something he probably shouldn’t in that moment. His voice ringing in the large hall as he said, “If you are that curious about who tried to kill him why don’t you ask him! He will be well soon enough, and I am sure he saw the face of his attacker before fatigue set in.”

Loki didn’t think Guma or Helblindi had dealt the blow in person. He’d spied them in the hall himself, and knew that they were wise enough not to disappear when something was going to happen. But they did know who had done it. Someone they had obviously trusted and offered protection to. From the look they shared it was obvious to everyone that the royal family was hiding something from the public. Something that would sow dissent amongst the people and effectively ruin the trust between them and Helblindi.

Loki wasn’t even surprised when he was accosted later that day. His last nap had left him dreaming of giants coming to kill him while he slept so he wasn’t as swift as he usually was when he felt someone creeping up on him.

Farbauti had the grace to drag him to an empty room, immediately starting in on Loki’s faults as a person. “Did you think that was clever? This is a trying time for us. We must show solidarity to the people, not undermine your brother in front of the entire city. If the people turn against us-”

“Are you honestly saying this?” Loki sighed, he wasn’t going to stoke the fire. He wasn’t. He wasn’t here for that. The whole point of him being here was to find something to do with his life. Something that wasn’t living in a limbo of nothing, and he couldn’t exactly find that something if he was being imprisoned or executed for patricide. “I apologise for my words but they are no less true. How was I supposed to know that Helblindi and Guma were keeping something from the people? I barely know what transpired that night and it’s not like anyone has had the grace to fill me in.”

“You want to be lucky you are still sleeping in your bed runt never mind asking for information.”

“All I’m saying is that I didn’t know what my words would do. I will apologise to Helblindi myself, the people too if that would make things right.” It wouldn’t. This was never about Helblindi. What Farbauti was truly angry about was Loki’s supposed power here. Even without a crown he was able to undermine Helblindi. He had proved that he wasn’t going to simply run away at the first sign of trouble. He was effectively declaring war, as absurd as that sounded, on Farbauti’s whole life, and if he didn’t figure out how to rid them of Loki before Laufey returned then chances were Loki was going to eventually unseat the son Farbauti truly did want on the throne. 

Not that Loki wanted a crown. But it was his birthright as first born.

When pressuring Loki to confess to a crime that was not his own grew fruitless, the three of them had to turn to other means to rid themselves of Loki. They took his room the first chance they could, claiming there was an infestation of some bug they had made up roaming his walls.

Byleistr offered to share with Loki, to which he did, gladly, until they found a way to remove him from there too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last update of this week. I'll be posting the next one either on Sunday or Monday depending on whether I can get to my laptop. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. The gritty stuff is about to begin after this.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the chapters are going to be a little shorter from here on out.

It happened when Loki returned from the library, his pack with his magic book and sparse clothes he’d gathered in his stay here set out into the hallway. When Loki knocked to see what was going on, it turned out Helblindi had arranged a sort of paramour for Byleistr. One that, seeing as the three of them were so close in age, Byleistr on the cusp of adulthood wasn’t going to shy away in favour of his brother. 

When asked where they intended for Loki to stay he wasn’t surprised to be led to a stable of some sort. The beasts inside were fearsome creatures, but since Loki could shift his shape he wasn’t afraid. By the third day he had suitors of his own sniffing his fur when he lay down in the soft padding for the night. 

It wasn’t completely bad sleeping in the stables. It was comfortable when Loki shifted, and since he’d spent most of his life sleeping in a hut it wasn’t too unfamiliar. What smarted the most was the insult. Adaptable as he was even Loki could see the looks people sent him when he emerged from the stables after another night.

They whispered unkind things about him behind his back, wondering if animals were the only thing he could get since his size was vastly unappealing to the regular Jotnar. Loki was tempted to find some retribution for those rumours, had he not known in doing so he would bring more misfortune upon him than was already being dealt his way. Giving Farbauti an excuse to punish Loki was only slightly worse than letting it come to him naturally. Slightly.

It was still bad when it came. Slowly as the days passed Loki found the small comforts that had been awarded him at last being stripped again and again until he was left with just the pack on his back and his sparse lodgings in the stables.

With Byleistr no longer able to fight Loki’s corner, distracted as he was, it meant that when such things like Loki being denied access to the palace occured, he just had to accept it. Those days of dining with the royal family were over, the food he got now he had to steal away when he broke into the palace. The clothes he’d been given one day just weren’t there, leaving Loki with the Aesir clothes he’d arrived in. He was an enemy to his own people, a changeling in return for their famed lost prince. He was exactly what he’d always been: cursed and unlucky.

Now, Loki wasn’t usually one for retribution. He often didn’t act out in pure anger, his mind made for slow, careful plots that could be acted out over time. One that would benefit him in the long run and not just the short. Yet every man had his breaking point, and Loki’s came when he stole his way back to the palace stables, hiding himself behind a pillar as two giants rounded the corner. 

“I can scarcely believe he’s still here. What did he hope to even achieve by coming home?”

“Probably thought he would be king.”

It wasn’t the words that snapped something in Loki’s brain. It was the laughter. That careless, joyful laughter. They were so happy in their imaginings, in the ludicrous image of Loki as king that they didn’t care who heard them, who saw them mocking a man who never asked to be made like this. 

It ignited that long sleeping spark in Loki’s brain, the one that had faded when Thor set off for his first quest without Loki. The one that now whispered the Jotun’s words again and again in his mind. ‘Probably thought he would be king,’ the giant had said.

Well why not, Loki replied. 

In fact, he would do one better.

Which was how he found himself in the middle of Utgard the next day, hiding in wait as the giants milled about him for his opportune moment. Anger brought about carelessness, but even in his carelessness Loki could be patient. He could wait decades if he had to, just to throw those words right back into these Jotnar’s faces.

If he had decades that was. Rumour had it Laufey was slowly healing. He would be back in a matter of weeks, two months at the latest. It was time enough, so long as things fell the way Loki wanted them to.

It took until the sun started setting for Loki to find his opportune moment. A giant was corralling their children, herding them to one of the houses on the outskirts, a baby to their chest. Only the baby wasn’t crying like it should be.

He followed as silently as he could, waiting for the Jotnar to settle into their home before straightening himself out knocking on their door. 

The look he got was expected, no one wanted a prince knocking on their door to begin with nevermind the shunned one. Yet Loki persevere, plastering on a winning smile as he held out the scant Jotun coins he’d stolen on his way here.

“For your child,” he explained, pressing them into the giants’ hand when they didn’t look anymore comforted.

“I don’t understand,” the giant said carefully, eyeing the coins like they were snakes. “What do you wish of me?”

“Nothing,” Loki promised. “I only mean to help. The children of Jotunheim are precious. We must help them whatever way we can, and if that means giving over gold I have no need of then I will gladly give it.”

The giant looked a little more at ease when Loki finished. The children of Jotunheim really were a precious commodity. With the sickness decades past and fewer giants giving birth successfully the ones that did survive were truly a gift. Loki giving coins wasn’t that unheard of when thought of in that light. More than once he had witnessed Jotnar doing the same to others, it was just Loki’s presence and status that had this giant a bit suspicious about his actions here.

“I thank you then,” the giant said carefully, the gold now firmly given over.

“No thanks needed. Although…” He sighed, watching as dread settled over the giant. That was it, let them think he was up to no good. He let the giant stew as he carefully stepped closer to the house, spying the children and the other parent watching him with almost hate as he teetered on the rest of his sentence. “Although I do worry about your baby,” he said, watching the suspicion leave to be replaced with shock.

“What about my baby?” the giant snapped.

A touchy conversation then. “I noticed he wasn’t crying as he should. Even now he’s quiet. One would think him sick.”

“That is our concern,” The other Jotun snapped, finally coming forward to create an almost barricade, shielding the rest of the house from Loki.

“I know,” Loki soothed. “I was only wondering if you had made the right sacrifices to ensure his recovery.”

The barricade eased, the Jotun’s sharing a look, the desperation practically leaking off them as one asked, “Sacrifices?”

Loki was invited in not long after that. The baby, bigger than the cradle Loki could make his arms, truly sick as it squirmed soundlessly in its bed. It had moved past the stage of discomfort, the cries it would once give now only whimpers.

He set himself down near the bed, stroking one finger over the blue child, his magic washing away most of the illness as he did so. “On Midgard,” he said, “If we were in trouble, we would sacrifice to the Gods. I know now Odin was never behind our fortune, but that is not to say there is not power in what we did. In our devotion I could feel the power we wielded. I think… perhaps it was the power in my veins, the blood of Laufey, of a king, giving me the strength and luck I needed to help our people.” 

They weren’t looking at him in disgust. Truly Loki thought this was the first time they had ever heard of the notion of sacrifices and rituals. It made Loki wonder, not for the first time, what the Gods and giants believed in. Whether they did at all. Not once in his stay in Asgard did Loki see anything remotely resembling a deity. 

It would work in his favour either way. 

He stroked another bit of magic into the child, enough to not fully help him recover. “I know it may sound archaic, but isn’t your child worth the risk?”

There was talk enough that Loki thought he would be thrown out. Yet when the moon was full he led them, their children and the half healed baby to the outskirts of Utgard. There, with some prized ox- or whatever passed for an ox- of theirs Loki taught them the ways of the Midgardians. On Midgard it would be a person, and usually the sacrifice was to Odin. But this time Loki felt like an animal would do for the price of healing their baby. Jotun blood was precious after all, and Loki needed them alive if he wanted his plan to succeed.

With blood painting his face, he called his first language to the dark skies and dragged a red thumb over the babes nose, his magic doing the rest of the healing as he did so. Come morning, their child would be in pique health. They would have no ox but the coin Loki gave them would help them buy a new one.

It was a good deed all in all, and as he scrubbed the dried blood from his face that next day he couldn’t help but grin at the rumour going around of the shamed Loki. The one that was too deformed to be a real Jotun. The one even his own sire would not claim. That one, well, it turns out there might be something else to him.

He was skulking around the palace for three days before he was sought out. This time it was an ailing husband, his back thrown out after an accident. The healers had said he would never recover. Loki thought them too lazy or inexperienced to even try as he felt the bones in the man’s back.

“I will need blood,” Loki ordered, the performance half the act after all. “And tell others if they wish my help to speak up now. If we sacrifice greatly I think Utgard may struggle less come morning.”

The word spread. Loki put off his healing of the Jotun man in order to prepare for his mass bloodletting. In secret people whispered about the meeting place at the edge of Utgard, the table Loki had carved from ice himself being hailed an alter. Come nightfall, as the Jotun with his back thrown out appealed on his knees before Loki so did others. Only three required healing, the rest here to see if Loki’s power was merely heresay or if he was really some channel for a higher deity. 

The animals that were brought to him were given over with some grateful nods and other vicious harrumphs. He took what he needed, his daggers making quick work of the four animals he’d selected. Their blood arched wide and with each letting Loki healed one of the Jotnar in front of him. Each time he did he saw the awe on his masses faces, the disbelief and fear as he shouted nonsense to the sky.

He was positively giddy as he came to the last animal, his knife making quick work as a laugh broke out of his mouth. The Jotnar recoiled yet stayed standing, watching as Loki’s magic seeped the blood into the ice, pushing it towards the small scant patches of dirt the hillfolk brought when they traded. With the casket of winter the soil would be able to stay moist, to grow crops and plants even in the icy landscape of Jotunheim. Without it, it was no wonder the people were struggling. 

With the rich iron in river of blood as a conduit Loki pushed it back into the soil, his magic weaving a spell Frigga had once taught him and magnifying it to last months from now. They would find prospects that were before impossible open to them once more come morning. 

For now, Loki laughed once more, extinguishing the flames of the Jotun torches for a moment long enough to escape. Dramatic maybe, but Loki also needed an excuse to steal one of the animals. With a thing this big he could eat well the rest of the week.

The whispers were louder in the coming days. Fear had them keeping their distance from Loki, but gratitude was high in the air as the Jotnar tried planting their first crops in decades.

Loki kept his head low, he knew the whispers would be reaching the palace now, and with suspicion of this great power would come an even heavier hand on Loki’s already poor situation. He didn’t even try and sneak into the palace, and instead took the animal he’d stolen to one of the decrepit houses no one used. The people seemed to know Loki was there, yet none of them commented on it. When they did spy him they kept their heads down, and when Helblindi sent people from the palace to look for Loki the people kept their mouths shut about his whereabouts. 

In those days, Loki poured over his magic book, recalling every helpful spell he could when he wasn’t studying the dangerous magic as he wondered what else he could do for Utgard. Healing was going to be the most effective magic at his disposal. With no tonics easily at hand disease was just waiting to break out at the capitol. The soil was going to go a long way from now in helping them reclaim some independence. It wasn’t like he could change the weather. Storms in Utgard were a natural thing and vastly different to the ones in the other realms. Here, the thunder was followed by torrents of snow. There was no lightning in the sky or rain to replenish the ground, nothing but snow and ice as far as was seen. Still, there may be something in there that Loki could use if he just thought hard enough.

Around a week after his stint with the Jotnar someone approached the house he’d claimed as his own. They didn’t look like they were from the palace. Their clothing were even more tattered than those of Utgard, Loki thinking someone from the outlying villages as he greeted the Jotun. 

The conversation was short, the Jotun looking more worried the longer he was out in the open. The request was the same as before however. Someone was ill, they had nothing else to try and they had heard from one of their friends that Loki had some unusual power that might be the answer.

He went simply because it would mean he would be away from Utgard for a few days. 

The village wasn’t far, the giant doing Loki the service of carrying him most of the way. When they got there, it was everything Loki expected to see. The houses were barely standing, when Loki passed the people in the doorways they were starving, their bodies gaunt and limbs weak as they struggled to move about. They were giants and yet Loki couldn’t find it in him to fear their strength like he did his brothers. 

When Loki got to the Jarl’s hall the feast couldn’t even be called that. To deny the food in front of him would have been preferable had Loki not known to do so would be an insult. So he ate, slept and woke the next morning with a plan in mind. 

Already the animals had been assembled, the best of them a plump horse like creature that had obviously been favoured in the hopes it would bring some good fortune. Loki ignored them for now, taking a tour instead of the people in the Jarl’s care. There were sick people everywhere, the scarce health that the people in Utgard had to starve off the worst of it was absent in these people. 

In times like this back home there would be a honoured servant sent to Odin for help. Loki wasn’t stupid enough to think that doing the same here would grant them some change in favour. Odin wasn’t a God in the sense that Loki once thought him, and even if he was he wouldn’t be coming to help Jotunheim. Why would he? The little aid they once were getting had now been closed off.

Loki made a list in his head of those he could help. Many of the ailments were easily curable. Some would take more effort. But there were those that were beyond even his skills. One such being was a Jotnar with a sickness Loki had only read in Frey’s books. There were boils everywhere on his person, slowing his heart, stopping him from eating. He was blind in both eyes now, and even with magic curing them death would still come. 

Four more, two too starved it was a surprise they weren’t dead already while the other two suffered from just as bad illnesses were shown to him. Each one he had words with, telling them there was nothing he could do. He wouldn’t bring false hope where there was none. So, instead, he asked if they wanted to suffer, or if they wanted to die a death worthy of Valhalla and help the rest of their village.

He was surprised at their easy acceptance. For people who didn’t have the Gods to believe in they were quick to agree to a plan they would never see come to fruition. 

With the people in agreement Loki didn’t waste anymore time. These people needed more than a healing, they needed everything Loki could offer them and it would definitely take more than a few flicks of his wrist in order to achieve it. 

He spent hours sitting still, using his magic to seek out a hunt in any direction. When he was satisfied he could offer answers he started setting up. 

A great stage made of ice was erected and on it an alter where Loki lay out the knife he’d stolen from Thor all those years ago. He painted his face, the red running like tears down his cheeks. It was an unusual sight for those unaccustomed to the rites of the Midgardians, Loki hearing some talk of black magic muttered, as he stripped down to the barest of his clothes. 

As evening fell Loki rejected the animals, having them sent back to their families with blessings he made up. When night came, he had torches lit, enough for him to see by, and invited the damned to step one by one up next to him.

“Do any of you want a blindfold?” He offered, four strips of cloth waiting to be used next to him.

Only one nodded, the rest willing to enter the afterlife with their eyes open. 

In his old Midgardian dialect he spoke nonsense to the sky, his magic starting to build as he bade the Jotnar to lay their necks on the altar. He made it quick, these people having suffered enough as his blade flicked open veins and ran rivers of blood to pool at his feet. 

The healing he did with great production, giving energy to those without it and health to those who needed it. With the blood he poured it back into the earth, to the frozen soil that here too needed softening. He made it rich, and the crops that had long since withered and died from the absence of the casket here he had grow once more until they were sprouting and tall. These people would eat well in the coming weeks, after that it would be up to them to plant once more for the next harvest. 

For the ice that crumbled here without form he firmed once more, maybe making some repairs himself to give the people an idea of what was capable once more. Lastly, he approached the Jarl in a trancelike state, muttering a prophecy of sorts of where the best game was near them. 

When he was done he crumpled to the ground, forcing himself to lay prone as the Jotnar recovered what wits they had and set about cleaning up.

He dozed off at one point, waking refreshed if a bit flakey back in the Jarl’s home the next morning. 

The meal was just as meagre as the last, but when the Jarl spoke it was with a tone Loki hadn’t heard once since coming here. Hope. 

He recounted last night like Loki hadn’t been there, speaking of the prophecy, as they had named it, and how the Jarl had already sent people out to see if it was true. The people were healed, they were harvesting and rationing the food that was gifted to them. They were happy.

“Tell me how I can repay you my prince,” The Jarl insisted.

“No payment.” It wasn't like they had anything Loki wanted anyway. “Your people have already paid dearly for my gifts. I only hope this has restored some of your faith in the children of Laufey.” It was something he’d said as he healed the baby the first time, then again nights later when he renewed the soil. His aim here wasn’t to slander Helblindi. If he did he would be arrested as soon as he set foot in Utgard. His aim was to restore their faith in the royal family, for them to thank, once more, that Laufey’s bloodline was there to help them. If they would come to favour Loki over Helblindi after a time then that was no consequence of his. He hadn’t told them to. It was just something that would happen when one child was doing more for the realm than the other. 

Loki stayed long enough here to pitch in and gain more favour. When he was satisfied, he asked for some help back, not to Utgard however. The next village was just as bad as the last. The one after too. For three weeks Loki did his rounds of the villages of Jotunheim, tempted to keep going into the lands of the hillfolk and the mountain giants had he not heard the demands for his presence back home. 


	12. Chapter 12

He arrived in the same clothes he left, Utgard changed rather dramatically in the time he was away. For one, there were more people on the streets, tending to the precious crops that had started to sprout. Another was the fact they didn’t shy away as he walked among them. A few bowed, some nodded their heads. Almost all of them showed some sort of respect towards him, their eyes shining in feared thanks as he journeyed to the palace.

Helblindi was waiting for him at the doors, a horde of Jotnar surrounding him. Despite the fact they were here as guards only Helblindi showed signs of hate as he stalked forward. “Finally tired of trying to unseat me Loki?”

He bowed before saying anything, showing he wasn’t here to make trouble. “I have merely come home brother. I assure you, while I was gone no such talk of treason was made. Ask anyone.”

“Like I believe your words.” 

Loki couldn’t decide whether that meant he’d asked people or not. “You should, I have been helping the people in your name after all.” He looked at the guards behind Helblindi, making sure to catch each of their eyes. “Brother, you left me with nothing, if you don’t believe I did this on your behalf then believe that your name was the only way for me to survive here.” A more believable lie yet still Helblindi didn’t look appeased.

He crouched low, close enough that his voice would not travel back to his companions, “If you think I am going to give up everything that is mine for a runt like you, you are vastly mistaken. I can embrace you like a brother and something will befall you tonight, or you admit you harmed father and take a more dignified death than being slaughtered in your sleep.”

Death or death, how generous of Helblindi. 

Loki kept his brother’s gaze, his voice rising so the guards could hear, he didn’t want anyone to mistake his words here, “You have insulted me for the last time brother. I came here in friendship, hoping my actions would prove the sincerity of my love for you, yet you deny me again and again. So be it. You fear I will take your throne, then I will. I challenge you to a Holmgang.”

The guards behind Helblindi shared looks of confusion, his brother too was struggling with the Midgardian word, but not wanting to appear ignorant he merely agreed, “Fine,” and, “name your terms for this Holmgang.”

He stifled a chuckle at Helblindi’s phrasing. “Four days hence, we will meet at the outskirts of Utgard. There, we will fight until…” he was so tempted to say death. It would be easy, not to mention it would remove the chance of retribution. But, despite Loki’s wants Helblindi was still his brother. Kinslayer was not something he wanted haunting his dreams despite the fact it wasn’t murder if it was in the name of Holmgang. So, “First blood has been drawn. The winner will receive everything the loser has. If I lose therefore, you gain my status as firstborn. I will no longer be of Laufey’s blood and you will have every right to cast me out of your hearth and home. If I win, I get everything you do. Your title, Guma, your money and jewels. I will get everything you feared me getting. You brought this on yourself brother,” he said, quieter than the last.

“I can refuse,” Helblindi hissed, rearing back.

“You’ve already agreed. And to not show up would mean you forfeit. I still get everything. Best try your luck I say. I’m just a runt after all.”

He strode off before Helblindi could do something stupid like have him arrested. Retreating to his little hovel he finally let himself drop to his knees, not believing he’d finally done it. He wasn’t confident in the slightest that he would win this. Loki had seen Helblindi fight in practice. He was ruthless. The very picture of a prince readying himself to claim back the dignity of his realm. He would be difficult in a real fight, the anger he would have against Loki triple tenfold on the day. If he managed to nick Loki first he wouldn’t stop until Loki was dead. He would make sure Loki wouldn’t worm his way back to their father’s doorstep again.

He would just have to make sure that didn’t happen.

In the four days between the Holmgang Loki did his rounds of the people, he checked up on them while also subtly inviting them to witness the two prince’s fighting. They were happy to indulge him, most of them keeping a wide berth where they could. 

The rest of his time Loki spent it looking over his book, wondering what would become of it if he couldn’t return to it. He couldn’t exactly send it back, no doubt Frigga would know what became of him if he did- he tried not to think about her. Maybe he could put a failsafe on it, since Helblindi would be sure to find it if he was victorious. Loki knew he would read it, just to spite his dead brother. If he figured out how to do even one of the spells who knew what he would do to Jotunheim. 

He wondered, as he turned a page, what Helblindi was doing right now. Whether he was worried, or whether he was telling Byleistr to start preparing a feast for it becoming the two of them once more. Or whether Helblindi was reading up on Midgard and the trial that was to come. 

Loki knew there were books on Midgard in the Jotun library. Laufey had done his reading before he invaded, that was paramount in the books on lore and land that Loki had found. There was bound to be something on Holmgang in there. Something that told Helblindi he couldn’t have Loki locked up, or killed in the days leading up to the Holmgang. 

The fourth day dawned with Loki placing the spell he found on the book. If he survived, he would come and take it off before the week was up. If not, well, at least Helblindi wouldn’t get it. 

Utgard was already assembled when he got to the meeting place. It looked like everyone had come to see the royal family drama. Including the royal family.

Farbauti didn’t even look Loki’s way, Guma either except to turn himself away in a pointed promise that even if Loki did win he wasn’t unfastening Guma’s loincloth anytime soon. Byleistr was the only one to come see him, to ask him if he was well before asking him to rescind his challenge.

“I have a good chance of survival this way Byleistr,” Loki said. “Besides, if I win, you won’t lose a brother this day.”

He didn’t look any happier with those words. 

Helblindi came in a trumpet of Jotun horns, the crowd parting as they should to reveal a prince in all his glory. He looked ridiculous really, standing there in his finest furs and jewels. He must have thought coming here like that would make him look like the true heir to Jotunheim, that it was a sign he wasn’t worried at all that he would be dethroned. Really, he looked like he was showing off. Here was a prince who had done nothing for the people and expected them to bow because he’d dressed up for the occasion. There was Loki who had done something for them, who was here in the Aesir clothes he’d arrived, ready to fight for survival more than a throne. 

Loki wasn’t surprised when the uproar Helblindi probably expected when he shed his grandeur and flicked his ice sword onto his arm was absent. 

“First blood,” Helblindi, called, his voice carrying across the sea of people. “The winner takes the other’s spoils.” He grinned unkindly at Loki, the rest of his sentence hanging there unsaid. Loki wasn’t making it out of here if he lost.

Loki flicked his knives into existence, the one he’d stolen from Frigga tight in his grip as he took his place on the ice field. Farbauti, proving they had done their reading, conducted the ceremony, explaining to the people what Helblindi’s words did not. 

With one last look at his son, Farbauti bid them to begin.

Loki didn’t strike first. He waited while Helblindi took charge, his large form lunging again and again to places Loki had once been. His brother was good, fast for someone so large, but by giant size he was quite a slim creature. His practiced bade almost pierced Loki’s skin more than once. 

The temptation to use magic was high. Real high as he dodged getting skewered again, but Loki had promised himself he wouldn’t for this match. He wanted to use his skills to win, not the tricks. The people here thought he could only perform if he had a ritual beforehand and that was the way Loki wanted it to stay. To mistakenly use magic now when Loki was just as good with blade as magic would be foolish in the long term if he did succeed, so dodged once more and finally sent his knife flying in Helblindi’s direction.

It was parried before it even got close to skin, as Loki knew it would, but the distraction of batting it away left Loki an opening. He dove low, skimming the ground with his knees, and before Helblindi could feel it he nicked the skin on his brother’s calf.

He came back up to dodge another three blows, the ice below shattering on impact before someone managed to see the trickle of blood making its way down Helblindi’s skin. The chance of defeat had Helblindi distracted again, so before he could think to argue that it was merely a graze from some flying ice Loki dove in again to pierce his other leg, this time making sure everyone saw his blade make contact.

Farbauti didn’t call the Holmgang to a close. Loki didn’t expect him to. Instead, Loki relied on the honour Helblindi had as a son of Laufey to make the decision. It was uncertain for a while whether Helblindi would, or whether Loki would still have to fight for his life. But, after a few moments, the ice blade retracted, Helblindi swaying slightly as the truth of his defeat sank in.

“Are you happy brother?” Helblindi demanded.

“Of course not,” Loki hissed.

The people, naturally, were overjoyed that Loki lived. They journeyed the winning party back to the palace, shouting his name in praise. Loki thought that was more so they wouldn’t feel his wrath, the people no doubt figuring out now that if Loki could bring good fortune he could also bring bad, they just had to look at Helblindi for proof.

He heard whispers of black magic being used as the ceremony to crown him. Some were saying it was the only way for him to have beaten Helblindi. It was to be expected. All of it was, but Loki had sowed the seeds of generosity amongst his people. They wouldn’t revolt against him, that he had made sure of. While fear alone he was sure would have done him well to gain the people’s favour, he knew they would be more amenable if he proved he could bring them prosperity. He’d done what Helblindi couldn’t, and for that they were now wondering what he would do again for them should they ask. 

The feast was one of the better meals he’d had in the past few weeks. He ate his fill of meat and wine, not even caring in the slightest that he could be poisoned. He was a triumphant victor, he wanted to let the people see that, and if he died after this meal, well, at least it had been good, and at least he would die knowing that Helblindi would never recover the honour he had lost.

Speaking of, he motioned two guards to bring his shamed brother forwards. A hush fell over as Helblindi kneeled in front of Loki’s oversized throne. “I am not a selfish brother,” Loki began, even if the words were somewhat false. But this needed to be said, if only to appease his family. “I will not besmirch your name more than it needs to. Therefore, while I am the victor, your title as son of Laufey and prince of Jotunheim will still stand. Prince, not crowned. Perhaps one day I will have you leading my armies, for you were a good match brother.”

There was an essence of gratitude amongst the scorn. Helblindi must have honestly thought Loki would be able to toss him out. What a thought. 

He made to turn back to his meal just as something else occurred, “Oh, and you may keep your vows to Guma if your marriage really is based on love.” Something he still wasn’t certain of. Guma seemed to have ambition, but there was affection in his gaze when he looked at Helblindi too. “Somehow I don’t think I would make a good husband. Call it a problem of size if you will.”

There were choked laughs, no doubt everyone would be whispering about his tiny cock later. For now however, they stayed silent as Loki thought about anything else he had to bestow upon his disgraced younger brother. 

He couldn’t think of anything.

The feast lasted well into the night and the next day. It was still going on when Loki decided he’d had enough and went to go fetch his belongings from his hovel.

His new chambers were larger than he would have liked. Even if his old ones were far too big for him to being with at least Laufey had done his best to find the smallest of the large rooms. This one, however, was made for a prince, which meant it was big in every capacity. The bed he couldn’t even climb onto without getting winded, the bath he found was more like a river, and when Loki set his meagre belongings out along the table he found they barely covered even an inch of the surface.

It would take some getting used to. As would his new role, but for now Loki contented himself with sleeping in his new bed, hoping Laufey would be back soon before everything Loki had created fell apart.

There was a reason Loki hadn’t made a ruckus when he found Helblindi was crown prince and not himself. A good reason too, which was that Loki simply didn’t want the position. It wasn’t that he didn’t think he was capable of being king, it was just that he knew Jotunheim would make it as hard for him as possible to be one. 

Farbauti seemed to be of the notion Loki didn’t exist on his first day of royal duties. He ignored every question posed to him and preferred sulking with Helblindi than telling Loki what it was the kingdom actually expected of him with Laufey gone.

Never mind.

Farbauti wasn’t the only one he could ask after all. Byleistr was much more understanding when Loki came looking. He helped Loki through Helblindi’s usual morning routine without too much trouble and only really found himself at a loss when it came to council meetings.

“When do we see the people?” Loki asked, looking over the schedule he’d managed to worm one of the councillors to write at lunch.

“See them?” Byleistr asked.

“To hear their grievances. You know, the audiences.” He remembered days where Thor had to sit through them on his father’s behest. Boring as they were it gave Thor the opportunity to gauge the attitude of his people on that day. A king needed to know the people were always on their side. A good king anyway.

“Oh,” Byleistr thought for a moment, “I think father stopped them shortly after the second hundred year the war ended. He didn’t want to hear the same thing again and again when there was nothing he could do to help them.”

Which, Loki guessed, made sense.

It wasn’t right, but it made sense.

“Okay, well we’re going to have to bring them back. I gave myself this job I may as well make good use of it.” It gave him something to do anyway rather than just walking around aimlessly, which was pretty much the biggest reason Loki didn’t want to be king in the first place. While getting here he knew he was capable of, the after, the ruling, he wasn’t so sure on. He hadn’t exactly been brought up with his royal lineage after all. He didn’t have the natural ease of being a prince that Helblindi and Byleistr, even Thor, possessed. 

They started the audiences the next day, Loki having someone from the palace go and announce it to Utgard and hopefully someone from Utgard to the villages beyond. He made room in his schedule, satisfied that he could hold off the meeting about the treasury until the next day.

Not many people showed, they were either too distrusting or they believed nothing would come of the audience. There were about fifteen Jotun’s in all and most of them just came to complain about the state of their houses. Something Loki had been planning to fix regardless.

The third day of his reign saw him taking over the council meetings, dealing with the things they saw as important within minutes since he didn’t spend too long posturing like all politicians, it seemed, did. The rest of the time there he brought his plans forwards, demanding more than asking for their agreement.

Day four saw the guards as well as Loki himself going to the streets of Utgard, they started on the edge of the city, knocking down houses that were never inhabited and strengthening those that were. He sent a decree out that the palace was hosting new initiates for warriors and visited those with stalls in the markets to see what he could do for their livelihoods. 

Helblindi, when Loki approached him almost a week after his defeat, was still as broken as he was before. He heard Loki however, him and Guma both, and agreed to help train the new initiates with a sardonic, “Whatever his highness commands.”

It would do.

The kitchens were next on his list of things to attend. He knew the cooks here were responsible for both the hunting and the making of the fine meals that made it to Loki’s table. Happy as they were in their station they were happier again when Loki told them to trade the leftovers with the people in the city. The furs they discarded would do well to help the tailors and seamster’s. It would also help if they started looking locally for some foods too, perhaps giving coin for animals that were already tamed rather than wasting time others could spend hunting for something they may never find on their trip.

Day nine and Loki was hosting visitors from the mountain and hill folk, each tribe hesitant to speak of the rumours they had heard about their new prince. Loki didn’t mind, their fear helped him garner more initiates as well as establishing better trade. There were things the mountain and hill folk were keeping from the ice after all, and Loki wasn’t going to have that anymore. 

“I want your magic made more readily available. Your mages too. Sometimes I wonder where they were when I hear tales of the war between Asgard and Jotunheim. One would almost assume they were absent altogether.”

The mountain folk Loki wanted quarries more available. Ice was all well and good, but stone would do better to keep his people housed. It made Loki wonder how the Jarl on the edge of the realm managed to get that black rock for his hall, and why it was so scarcely seen anywhere else.

Of course, not everything went as smoothly as Loki hoped it would. Life hated him, and his luck had been too good for something bad not to befall him. 

It came in the form of Farbauti. Looking back Loki would agree that his sire had been far too silent these past two weeks. Loki had hoped it was because he was waiting for news of Laufey’s return, something that was getting nearer with every passing day. Really, it was because Farbauti had been hiding in the library, clutching at straws that weren’t there in order to question Loki’s heritage at the next council meeting. 

“I knew I couldn’t have sired a runt like you,” Farbauti gloated, holding the book he’d found high. On it was a drawing of a family tree, and where Farbauti was pointing there was no sire above Loki’s named head. “You have outsiders blood in you. You are not worthy of sitting in that throne.”

Loki let Farbauti screech it out, wondering himself quietly whether Farbauti had merely erased his name as Loki’s sire or if Laufey truly did lay with another. He would have to ask. As it was, he merely made himself more comfortable in his too large throne and waited for Farbauti to stop. 

It did, and when he quieted it seemed half the councillors around Loki were starting to have their doubts as to the legitimacy of Loki’s claim. He wasn’t worried, appealing to them by asking, “It says I am Laufey’s still does it not?”

Farbauti hesitated before saying, “Yes.”

Loki waved a hand, “Then that is all I need. It is Laufey who is king, not you Farbauti. So long as I have his blood and his marks I have every right to sit on this throne as my brothers.”

The realisation that his accusation would get him nowhere had Farbauti letting out one last screech before storming off. Once he did, Loki made to return to his meeting. He suffered through three small debates before the questioning air in the room became too much.

Sitting up once more Loki looked each of them in the eye, seeing the doubt on their faces that they were indeed not hosting a legitimate heir. It seemed that here perhaps marriage was conducted in the same lines as those of those Midgardian Christians. Perhaps only sons born of both king and spouse were able to inherit. Loki couldn’t have that. “I see Farbauti’s words have made a stir. You have a problem with me sitting here?”

The hesitation before their shaking heads told Loki everything.

“I will not have doubt about my seat at this table. I will give you three days, if you think I am still unable to rule Jotunheim when we meet once more, well…” He left, his threat hanging in the air as he scurried to find something else to fill his day with. 

He couldn’t exactly continue the meeting. Not with them questioning his every decision, which they would. It was only right that if they doubted he was fit to reign they would second guess his choices before even considering the usefulness in them. So he completed the most pressing issues himself, saw to Helblindi’s training regime and eventually ended up in his room with his magic book sprawled across his lap.

He already knew the spell he wanted to use. It wasn’t even a difficult one, but Loki needed something to do while he waited for night to fall and revising the more complex magic Odin had bestowed upon him seemed like the only solution.

When night did fall, Loki stole his way into the kitchens, taking the remains from the animals that had been gutted and left for the palace pests. He made it back to his room unseen, scattering the remains across the doorway. With great shouts and spells of lightning the palace was lit up that night in fury, and by morning Loki muttered the spell to the skies to clear the clouds that were almost always overcast.

The people in the palace were already sweating by the time Loki joined his family for breakfast. None of them looked him in the eye as he filled his plate, not even Helblindi. When he went to the city for the day the people asked what had transpired in the palace to make it storm like it had. 

Loki just shrugged everytime it came up, “They displeased me,” he said, before going to find someone else to talk with.

Noon saw the beginning of the ice to melt. While the crops were loving the chance to see the sun the people were not. They hid in whatever shade they could find, all of them bowing low when Loki passed. 

The next day the people came to his audiences in droves, each of them offering some tribute to get him to end the heat. Loki had seen the damage it was doing, and while he was tempted to retract the sun for their sakes he saw a benefit to keeping it for the three days still. The ice that had made the foundations for many of the houses in Utgard was thin from wear. It was better for it to melt now and build anew than to add onto what was already there and chance larger casualties when they eventually came down.

When a herald from one of the outlying villages showed their face Loki eventually had to appease them somewhat. Especially because he was talking about sacrificing a Jotun. “My people,” Loki called. “It is not your duty to appease me. You have done nothing wrong. Rather, it is my own councillors that have caused this discomfort. If you have a problem with it, I suggest you take it up with them.”

They did. Loki had to bite his hand to stop himself from screeching his glee as he watched councillor after councillor be accosted the rest of that day and into the next. He came home that night to find Helblindi waiting for him at his doorway. The remains had been cleared, yet still there was blood lingering on the smooth ice. 

“Something I can help you with brother?” Loki asked.

Helblindi shook his head, more astounded than answering. He looked Loki dead in the eye, shrinking back the longer Loki refused to blink. “What are you? Why are you here?”

“I’m your brother,” Loki answered easily, a smile gracing its way onto his lips, “and I’ve come to help.”

When the time ran out and Loki sat down to review the grievances they had neglected to talk about earlier the Jotuns gathered were on their knees swearing their fealty to him.

He undid his spell as thanks.

The rebuilding of the houses was just as Loki had thought. When the people could once more stand in the open they found their homes being strengthened better than ever with fresh ice and rocks from the mountains to keep their walls steady.

It was during one of these building projects, Loki keeping the children occupied while the large Jotuns did their work, that someone came running from the palace. “My prince,” he panted, and really didn’t have to say any more. 

Laufey was back.

He stayed long enough to see the home set in new foundations before following the herald back to the palace.

When Loki had imagined Laufey returning he thought it would be in bandages, well enough to stand and do his duties but still injured from whatever blow he’d suffered. Yet, when Loki rounded the corner into the throne room his father looked to be in perfect health. There was no lasting wounds on his skin, nor any confusion in his gaze as he looked over his family already assembled to greet him.

Loki kept himself in the doorway while that happened, knowing without a doubt that Farbauti had probably known Laufey was returning for days. This assembly was absent of Loki for a reason.

Helblindi was the first to notice Loki’s presence, his head bowing as soon as he made eye contact. Byleistr soon caught on, him, unlike his elder, grinning when he saw Loki. 

“There you are,” Byleistr greeted, “I was wondering why you were missing.”

“There was some last minute rebuilding I had to attend to,” Loki lied, letting himself in. He bowed low when he got to Laufey. “I am glad to see you are in good health once more father.”

“As am I.” Loki wondered if Laufey mourned the fact he couldn’t touch Loki like he did his other sons. Even here, as he patted Loki on the head, he had to do so with his finger, the pressure still almost making Loki fall face first into the ice. “I hear you have been busy while I have been away.”

He straightened, making sure he saw no outright displeasure on his father’s face before admitting, “I was only trying to survive.”

“You have done more than that,” Farbauti hissed.

“And I will hear it all later,” Laufey requested. “For now, I think the people should know their king is back don’t you.”

There was a feast, and Loki felt like that was all he was doing lately as he tried to grasp the too big tankard in his hand. 

Someone had the decency this time around to fetch Loki the pillows he’d been using to elevate his height. He wasn’t nearly as a height as the others surrounding him but it was better than being forced to stand and climb if he wanted something to eat like he had when he first came here.

He wasn’t nearly as ignored as he had been before Laufey’s departure either. While the councillors were quick to swarm to Laufey a few of the guards and initiates made conversation with Loki. 

The end came with one last resounding toast to Laufey’s continued health before the king of Farbauti retired. Loki left not long after, unsure whether he should even try going to his chambers or if it would be better finding an empty room to sleep in instead. 

He chanced them eventually, if only to retrieve his magic book.

They were empty when he got in, Helblindi either still drinking with Guma or deciding to wait until Laufey told him he could move back in. Loki packed his things with care, taking them with him as he went in search of the chambers that had been gifted to him when he first came to Utgard. 

Morning came with Loki woken by his bed dipping. Laufey’s large hand stilled him from trying to move, gentling some of the fear that had stirred in him- he wasn’t too sure yet that Farbauti wouldn’t kill him in his sleep.

“Farbauti and your brothers have been informing me of your adventures,” Laufey started. 

Loki sat up, trying to gauge just how much trouble he was in for. He couldn’t quite tell from this far down. “I wouldn’t call them adventures.”

Laufey hummed in agreement. “How ambitious you are for someone so small. I feared what would happen to you in my absence. I know your family hasn’t exactly been welcoming Loki.”

“Helblindi isn’t too bad anymore. Really it’s just Farbauti.” 

“Your sire is finding it harder than I thought he would,” Laufey agreed.

The book from the other day came to mind, Loki wondering “Is he? My sire?”

Farbauti must have told Laufey this too, what he had accused Loki of being since he didn’t seem too surprised. Loki held still as one finger traced the lines on his forehead. “You have my lines but not Farbauti’s. Even as a babe you showed no sign of his lineage. I honestly don’t know.”

So there was someone else. The urge to ask who was strong, but questions like that could wait until later. Right now Loki had more pressing things to focus on. Like what was going to happen to him. “The people are happy with my propositions. I was trying to strengthen Utgard into a port of trade. On Midgard this is how places retain their power.”

“Here too,” Laufey said. “Utgard had once been such a place. Even before the war there were signs of this coming to an end. Your ideas are not wrong, just mistimed. Although,” here he peered down, for the first time since coming into Loki’s room Loki seeing his face, “I have heard the most peculiar rumour about you.”

“Which one?” Since there were more rumours about him than truths these days.

“Those pesky parlour tricks of yours aren’t the extent of your power are they Loki?”

He kept silent, knowing he had to figure out what Laufey knew and lie his way around it. He couldn’t ruin the image he’d created. If Laufey knew he could do such feats without aid of ritual it was untold what might happen to him. Loki refused to become a weapon. 

Yet he did not have to fear, what came from Laufey’s mouth was nothing more than what Loki had already heard. “They say you are a shaman, a being with power to rival the Gods should you possess the right tools.”

“They are not wrong,” Loki admitted. “However their assumption of my power being that great is merely that. The extent of my powers is merely melting the ice a bit.”

Laufey hummed again suggesting, “Let us keep that between us.”

“You are not upset at me then?” Loki asked.

“I am upset with the way things were conducted. Your use of Holmgang in particular. However this is your birthright, and the people seem agreeable to you. I had my trepidations about naming you heir before. But now, my little godling, I think Jotunheim is about to find the first glint of hope it’s had in centuries.”

He was punished for almost killing his brother by being confined to his chambers for the four days he’d named in wait for the Holmgang. Once he was released, things were vastly different. 


	13. Chapter 13

Laufey as king had taken back the duties Loki had contented himself with over the past few weeks. If he thought that would mean more spare time Loki was mistaken. The audiences Loki was still forced to attend, this time as prince rather than prince regent. Laufey had him relay the grievances of the people to him later and sought his council on matters that he thought Loki might have a solution for. Training was added onto his list of duties, Laufey deciding that if Loki could take Helblindi in a fight then he could help his brother train the new initiates. 

It was rather fun being on the other end of the training regime. Especially because his own was cut short just before he could be named a true guard or warrior of the realm. While these young giants were indeed taller and stronger than him, Loki still had it in him to be sneaky enough to beat them. He almost enjoyed listening to them complain about their bruises as they slunk home, and knew for a fact Helblindi did. It was rather interesting to see his younger brother soften, if slightly towards him. Helblindi still disliked Loki, more out of fear now than true hate, but he found enjoyment out of the idea that his runt of a brother could beat giants twice his size, especially when they weren’t him. Loki heard him once threaten a younger giant with combat with Loki when the young Jotun had boasted about being the best fighter in the realm. 

Byleistr Loki saw rarely now Laufey was back. It appeared while Helblindi had been trained to take over for Laufey his youngest brother was to be an ambassador of sorts. He was off running errands to the Hillfolk and Mountain lands, always on the move and very rarely around to keep Loki company now he’d settled himself into Jotunheim.

When he was around, it was usually with other giants in tow, those who had come to see Laufey to ask for aid or keep their end of the bargain they had struck with Loki. It turned out Laufey had been most pleased with some of the new trade arrangements, so much so that Loki had to sit in on those meetings too.

This time it was a giant from the Hillfolk, his cart laden with potions he’d come to sell in Utgards prospering market. His first stop, naturally, was the palace in the hopes to sell the most meagre of potions for the highest price.

Or, that would have once been the case. Now, as he bowed to Laufey, things were different. 

The giant when he finished his bow basically prostrated himself before Loki. He wasn’t one Loki had met before, but Laufey had insisted that those who came to see the famed little God of Jotunheim showed him the respect he deserved upon meeting him. Already Loki’s coffers were full of trinkets travelers had brought him. Most of them did so to try and appease him, to starve off another heat wave or worse, few did so because they wanted something. Even then they couldn’t outright ask it of him. They had a system now.

“I have come to offer you potions of health my lord,” The traveler piled them out, setting them down in front of Loki rather than Laufey. “They are to soothe disease that may befall the palace, as well as replenish minor ailments such as broken bones.”

Loki sniffed them all, inclining his head that what the healer said they were was true. 

“Your price for them?” Laufey asked.

“Just a few measly coins, my lord.” 

It wasn’t.

What the Hill giant asked for was far beyond a few measly coins. But Loki knew how to haggle, and was prepared to do so had his father not cut him off with a swift finger. This was part of the act too, although Loki wasn’t expecting it when it came to haggling. The image they presented was that Laufey was the only one able to control Loki. Being his father had to have some perks he’d said. 

Laufey ended up paying the price as first agreed, murmuring to Loki later that while the Hillfolk were better off than the Ice, they too still suffered. A few coins they could spare for potions that were somewhat useful to them was the least they could do.

They did this every time the Hillfolk came, Loki finding his role easier to fit into each time. He knew it looked like he was being used on the outside, being told to help grow crops and send floods on command, but he wasn’t. If Loki were truly being used then he would be on Asgard right now staring Thor down in a battle to the death. But he wasn’t. He was in Jotunheim, surrounded by furs and jewels, being called a God and being groomed by his father to one day be king. 

Decades passed. In that time something no one thought possible without the casket occurred, Jotunheim seemed to prosper. It wasn’t anything like its former glory, of that Loki heard all about whenever he went out amongst the older generation of giants. But the ruin in which they were facing when Loki first came to this land was gone almost altogether now. 

There were still poor places, lands where Loki could do nothing, where the sickness seeped too deep. But overall the people were healthier, happier, and while it certainly wouldn’t last, it was good enough for the time being.

Loki’s position in Jotunheim had grown even more in that time. His status had prince had long since worn out. When he passed people on the street they honestly forgot that he was one of Laufey’s sons until they saw the parentage lines that marred his skin. He was Loki to them. Loki the saviour, Loki the generous, the wrathful. Loki the God. 

A few centuries ago Loki would have cowered at the very thought of naming himself a God. It was wrong to aspire to be one, he hadn’t been worthy. But neither had the actual Gods Loki had met. If they could name themselves as such then, Loki figured, why couldn’t he?

Laufey handed over the schedule for the week, on it were the duties each of his three sons were to perform as they readied themselves for their guests. Loki’s were the usual. Last minute healings and overlooking the rebuilding of the temple that had lain in waste all these long years. 

“Heblindi, you will have the warriors stationed at intervals in the palace. I don’t want my family left alone with these people for one moment,” Laufey ordered.

“Of course father.” While not crown prince, Helblindi seemed to have grown into his role as warchief. It had been made clear in those first few days of Laufey’s return from his wound that Helblindi would never regain the status he had lost. Loki had stripped him of that right in the Holmgang and no amount of good behaviour would grant him it again. 

While the prospect of never being king had warred with Helblindi for a time Loki agreed that perhaps his actions were for the best in the long run. His brother was actually a jolly person to be around these days. It seemed, once the bitterness had disappeared the true Helblindi, the one not overcast by thoughts of power and paranoia was able to blossom. Besides, it wasn’t like the road to the crown was going to be denied Helblindi’s bloodline forever. It was deemed his children would inherit, since Laufey had made it his sworn duty to keep Loki pure.

The why Loki was still trying to figure out. He would have liked to think that it was to do with the whole performance they were making of Loki’s power. Really Loki was of the notion that it was Laufey’s fear that if someone did take an interest in Loki he would end up torn beyond repair. In all his long years here Loki had not once encountered a giant of his size, it made him certain that Farbauti wasn’t his sire. But the point remained that while there was no one of Loki’s size for him to mount should a giant even attempt it something bad would come from it.

As a result Loki and his hand had become very good friends.

“Byleistr, make sure your brothers have everything they need. And keep your sire away from Loki’s preparations. We don’t want another incident.”

Byleistr nodded, the only one of the three of them with little to nothing to do this week. Lucky. Byleistr had already fulfilled his end of the arrangements. As ambassador, he had been the one negotiating this stay from their out of realm visitors. While Loki knew it hadn’t been an easy task, Byleistr had come home more exhausted and overheated than ever, he couldn’t help envying his little brother when he saw the empty slots with Byleistr’s name in them.

“Loki,” Laufey called, his voice taking on that stern tone it had adopted of late. “I will tell you this one last time, do not, I repeat, do not pull any of your tricks with these people. This visit could be the beginnings of our reintroduction to the nine realms.”

“Fine,” Loki huffed. “But if they insult me in a way even you would deem unfit-”

“Then you suffer it or kill them. Just do not let them come telling tales about the demon I call a son.”

He could work with that.

Laufey moved off to deal with Farbauti, the two of them having even more duties than the three princes as they went over again and again the reasons why Jotunheim was humbled enough to rejoin the rest of  the civilised societies.

“Who is coming?” Loki asked as soon as Laufey was out of sight.

“I won’t tell you,” Byleistr teased. He’d been keeping quiet since coming back, only speaking to their father about their names. Loki sensed foul play.

“Does it even matter?” Helblindi sighed, “They’re coming, they’re probably Aesir and in all honesty nothing’s going to come of it.” Helblindi was of the notion that this visit was too well timed to be just a check in.

Loki agreed, but until he knew their visitor’s names or heard their demands he wasn’t certain what those motives were.

It was a busy week, full of Loki journeying to the edges of the realm to find the dying and those he couldn’t heal. He made sure they had comfortable lodgings on the way back, their faces unafraid despite them knowing their end was in sight. 

Over the years it had become a great honour to die by Loki’s hands. They found it preferable to the alternative. Especially because Loki’s end would ensure their place in Valhalla. He had people travel from all over now if they were able, ready to throw themselves at his feet. Rarely did he take them up on it, his father’s decision always last amongst the fate of his people. 

There was excitement as the cart pulled up to Utgard, Byleistr taking great pleasure in waving to the people as they rolled up to the palace doors. From there the two of them helped those in the back to their rooms, most of them furnished with the gifts Loki found little use for. 

The finest furs and actual jewel encrusted goblets would be their utensils in the days to come. Nothing but the best for Loki’s victims.

“We need wine,” Loki ticked off, “The mountain folk’s wine too, none of that hillfolk swill. It needs to be potent, not watered down, I want it to burn immediately.” Since everything else he’d tried, including that weird green fire that burned without wood, didn’t have the instantaneous effect mountain folk wine had. 

“I think there are still some barrels left in the store room.” 

Loki bid Byleistr fetch them while he started dragging the ice stage that served as an alter towards the feasting hall. 

The guards around the palace doubled, tripled, and by the end of the week Loki had someone watching him at all times. There were even people stationed at his door. It was a definite difference to the empty hallways Loki had first stumbled upon.

Their last meal before the visitors came was more of a lecture with food. Laufey seemed to have a hundred things to say to each of them, backtracking when a new thought popped into his head. He was more worried than Loki had ever seen him, and it started to sink in that these visitors weren’t merely the ambassadors he’d come to think they were.

He was woke the next morning before the sun was up, Guma dragging him from his bed and towards his own chambers where Byleistr and Helblindi  were already gathered. It wasn’t anything important, just Helblindi going over the security measures he’d taken time to create. Really Helblindi was just doing this to remind Loki that he wasn’t special when it came to security.

“You stay where you can be seen,” he finished, looking Loki dead in the eye.

What followed was the most excruciating bath Loki had ever had. He was scrubbed everywhere, his father coming in at one point and running his too big fingers harshly into the parentage lines across Loki’s skin. Loki thought he must be glowing by the time he got out he was that clean.

Dressed in his finest things, although Loki didn’t know why since he wasn’t meeting their visitors today, he spent the rest of his time waiting for the horns to sound trimming his hair. 

They had agreed with Loki’s brash nature and the possibility he would be recognised by their visitors- which just furthered the suspicion in Loki’s mind- that he was to have minimal contact with them. This whole dressing him up charade was just do, if they bumped into each other, Loki didn’t look like he was being mistreated. Really, the only time he was allowed to see them was when he was performing his rites.

“Maybe you should shave it all off,” Byleistr suggested. 

“I like my hair,” Loki huffed, despite the fact he was ridiculed for it by his brothers every time he so much as fussed about it. “It’s just it’s a pain to wash the blood out when it’s too long.” Right now it was just grazing his collarbone. He would have liked it long enough to plait, but, again it was a pain to get the blood out.

“Why don’t you use one of those clip things then to keep it back.” He already had one in hand, one of Loki’s favourites he wore in private. It had been a gift from one of the Mountain folk. They had found it, a treasure that had been won in Svartalfheim before the war, a glittering wolf thats jaws held his hair back most nicely.

Yet, “You know I can’t show favour in public.” Which meant no wearing gifts unless in private. The only thing he was allowed to wear were those things his father either gave him permission to or gave him himself. So far no clips had been among those lists.

“What a life you live,” Byleistr sighed.

“Like yours is any better.”

The horns sounded around midday, Byleistr bidding Loki to behave as he went to join the rest of his family. 

While strict instructions had told him to remain out of sight they had never barred him from spying. So Loki skipped his way through the halls after a moment, bidding the guards who saw him keep silent as he hid among the throne room.

His family were tall and strong where they stood, their heads held high and refusing to bow as the horns sounded and with great procession a stream of gold filled the dazzling blue of Utgard. 

In almost an instant the thoughts of seeking out their visitors later left. Odin Allfather was here and suddenly Loki knew why Laufey was so afraid of leaving Loki alone. 

His mind registered those that followed or those that had come before but only now were made clear to his eye. There, in the guards in golden armour fit for those accompanying royalty was Fandral. Hogun took opposite, and further back were Sif and Volstagg. Loki wouldn’t have been surprised if Thor had opted to join his friends in the guard rather than the procession, but no, protocol overruled and there Thor was next to his mother. 

Frigga. 

Loki almost revealed himself just so he could feel her arms around him once more. The woman who had basically raised him was within his reach, and Loki hadn’t realised until now the ache that had formed without her presence. 

They were like ants next to Laufey, yet these ants were the victors in a war long won. 

Pleasantries were exchanged, and from the outside it looked like merely two groups coming together in friendship. Yet Loki could see the Allfather’s eye taking in the palace around him. Cataloguing the lack of ruin and despair. This wasn’t what he had been expecting. 

Gifts were to be given at the feast, for now, once talk had run dry of their harrowing journey to Utgard, they were shown to their rooms. 

Loki waited until the last body had left before scampering back to his chambers. He paced mindlessly for what felt like hours. He wanted to find Frigga. He wanted to remain hidden. He wanted to ask how she was. He didn’t want to see Odin. He warred until he could think no more and curled himself on his furs to stop himself from walking to where his heart wished. 

Every second felt like decades as he lay there. Sleep would elude him tonight, of that he was certain, and every glance towards his magic book reminded him of the woman who nurtured his gift to begin with.

He wished it was just Frigga. She was a friend of the Jotun’s so there wouldn’t be all this need for security. If it was just her here Loki could have seen her without a problem. He could be sitting in her rooms asking after all the years he’d missed. He wondered how Frey broke the news to her. How long she had known, even that he was the little Jotun that had come to Asgard. Whether anyone else knew. Mostly he just wanted to listen to her talk.

Byleistr came with his evening meal, he couldn’t linger long, just enough to tell Loki about the actual Allfather being in their halls. “Father wasn’t sure he would come. The talks I have with them spoke only of Frigga and Thor.”

“Odin must have decided we were worth his trouble.”

“Makes you wonder why,” Byleistr mused, much more on the same line of thought as Helblindi now.


	14. Chapter 14

The meal was filling, the bones sweet from where the meat had been sauced but Loki wanted wine if he was to hide in his room for two weeks. 

Satisfied the feast was in full swing he nodded to the guards on his door and took his plate to the kitchens. There were barrels opened already when he got in, Jotun’s scurrying around filling pitchers and tankards for those above. They barely spared a glance at Loki. He stole a hefty amount as a result, his Jotun sized cup rather than the small ones that were specially made for him sloshing as he carefully carried it back to his rooms. 

He was stopped before he got to his hall, a guard, one of the younglings that Loki could still best when he wanted to, halting him with a large hand. “The halls aren’t clear,” he warned, and for once Loki heeded it.

He sipped gently from his cup as the guard looked around the corner, pushing Loki into one of the open rooms as someone walked near them.

Footsteps too light to be Jotun stopped at the guard that had helped Loki, a voice Loki thought he would only hear in his dreams that night speaking, “I was wondering if you could help me.”

Loki peered around the doorway to see Frigga, her gown golden and hair tangled in an elegant braid. She was just as beautiful up close as Loki recalled.

“I’m looking for a Jotun. He would be only small, about my height, a little taller,” she demonstrated, one hand still hanging loose as a small chest weighed it down. “Have you seen him around here at all?”

“I can’t say your majesty.” The guards tone wasn’t hostile and his words deceiving enough that it sounded like he hadn’t seen Loki rather than he literally couldn’t say. 

It had Frigga nodding, giving her thanks as she journeyed down to the next guard and asked the same question. 

She was there until all five guards had given her the same answer, Loki knowing she’d moved further into the palace when the guard opposite him motioned for him to come out. “Best you go back to your chambers,” the guard suggested.

“Yes,” Loki agreed, wanting more than anything for his legs to turn that little bit more around and follow Frigga.

He downed the wine faster than he ought to. When he woke the next day it was to an expectant hangover and Byleistr snoring at the bottom of his bed. 

He kicked his brother awake, the movement requiring more energy than he would have liked to exert at this present moment. “You are in my bed,” Loki noted when his brother glared.

“Father sent me.” Which was answer enough. Byleistr turned and ignored him the rest of the morning.

Since this first day of their visit the Aesir would be spending it touring Utgard, Loki thought himself free to roam the palace at his leisure. 

No such luck. 

He’d no sooner stepped from his room before he was pushed back in by a guard, the Jotun declaring, “These halls are off limits,” to whoever had reared their head.

“My apologies,” Thor sounded, his voice seeming deeper than last Loki had heard it. Maybe he’d just forgotten the tone in their time apart. “I merely sought Helblindi.”

“These are the crown prince’s chambers. Prince Helblindi’s are to the left of where you came.” One that was now expanding to include a nursery, much to Laufey’s delight and Byleistr’s dismay. It was no secret that out of the happy couple and Byleistr who would be getting up to see to the baby. With only a wall between their rooms now and the fact Helblindi and Guma could sleep through an earthquake Byleistr was in for a hard few decades.

“Oh. I thought- thank you,” Thor ended up on, his footsteps retreating.

Loki emerged, scowling at the guard to mask the fear that had washed over him. “Am I going to be manhandled by all of you now?”

“Prince Helblindi said to remove you through any means necessary.” That was a smile trying to break across the guard’s face. 

“Prince Helblindi’s going to get castrated at this rate,” Loki muttered. Yet he was more careful walking the halls. 

Thor must have found an excuse not to go on the tour. An inconvenience to Loki’s plans to take a walk. He wondered who else had managed to stay behind, since there was no possibility Odin would leave Thor unattended in Jotunheim.

Loki spied him later from one of the upper floors. Thor had managed to find Helblindi, the two of them sparring amongst the ice. Then again as night fell and Loki was herded by the guards back to his rooms. 

He cast a dark look to the last one that had nudged him on his way, promising he was going to find Helblindi when this was over and curse him for it. Loki couldn’t even spend all night in the library now since Helblindi had put an actual curfew on him. 

Thor, this time, was occupying one of the rooms on Loki’s way back. Thor’s friends were inside, the door only partially open. The guards thought this too big a hazard still as the one at the edge of the corridor made to look like he was going to grab Loki and run if he didn’t hurry. 

Loki dared him to, defiance making him stay more than curiosity as he stared the guard down.

“Brand new walls and it’s still cold,” Fandral’s voice drifted into his ear.

“You’re just upset because none of the women here would ever let you in them,” Sif chortled.

“Women,” Fandral scoffed. “There are no women here except you Lady Sif, and I use that term loosely. And I’m not upset, just cold. One would think the Frost Giants be more accommodating.”

“They weren’t before,” Sif pointed out, “Why would they be now?”

The guard down the hall abandoned his post, stalking towards Loki with a purpose. 

“True,” Fandral said. “But still, I’m not the only one sulking, why are you having a go at me?”

“You’re an easy target.”

“I’m not sulking,” Came Thor’s voice, louder than the other’s, like the thunder he commanded had become a part of him now. “Just worried. Mother has not been herself.”

The guard was almost upon him now, and Loki cursed his bad luck as finally something of worth was being said right as he was to be whisked away.

“She hasn’t been herself for a while Thor,” came Hogun’s quiet tone. 

Loki was carried away before he could hear any more. The guard thought him too much of a risk to be set down once they reached the end, and actually carried Loki to his room where Byleistr was waiting with food.

“There had better be more wine,” Loki warned, wishing these two weeks were over.

The third day Loki spent it trapped once more inside his room. This time it wasn’t just because the Aesir would be roaming the halls freely once more. With his spectacle now only two days away he needed to figure out what he was going to do. The blood would do for the sowing, rejuvenating the soil even after so many years of use. Healings, naturally, would be taking place. But this whole thing was for the Allfather’s benefit not just another one of his shows. Laufey had taken great means to arrange their visit around Loki’s ritual. For what purpose other than to show defiance still in the face of their defeat Loki couldn’t work out just yet. 

He spent all day pouring over his magic book, trying to come up with ideas on what he could get away with. He found inspiration the next day as he was sneaking into the library. Well, inspiration was a strong word. A spiteful idea was more accurate.

He hadn’t seen them when he came in, yet he could hear them as he shuffled some too large scrolls about in search of the honeyed fruits he stored in here and away from his greedy brothers. 

“Well what have you heard?” Sif asked.

The Allfather and Frigga were in a meeting with Laufey, and would be for the entire two weeks. Thor, once more, must have found a way to bow out of them as he replied, “Not much.”

“I hear they call him a god,” Volstagg chortled.

The rest of them joined in, Loki realising they were talking about him. “I doubt that my friend,” Thor said. “If anything it will be a few tricks. The Jotuns lost their power when we took the casket. Even with it I doubt they could have matched my parents skill level. A god,” he scoffed.

The word trick stayed with him as he stormed back to his chambers. It wasn’t that he didn’t call what he did tricks, he did, they were. But the idea that Thor didn’t think anyone but the Aesir capable of matching their skills, even coming close, was arrogance Loki couldn’t ignore. 

It took amending some of his ideas, sending guards to fetch him bones and mixing paints until his arms were sore but Loki was sure, when he performed tomorrow, that Thor wouldn’t think so little of him.

He started the day with a hearty meal, the cooks knowing that on ritual days he was hungrier than normal. He visited his guests afterwards, making sure none of them had prematurely died on him. 

The paint he spent all morning lathering upon his altar, spilling the mountain wine where he needed it before using the bones the guards had brought him and fashioning them into decorations. He twined the golden bands of snakes around his arms, painting the lower half of his face white, and as he had Helblindi hold his hair back before it caught and pulled uncomfortably, he slid the wolf helmet onto his crown. 

With his face half hidden Loki was given his last meal of the day, watching as his brother’s scurried around to push the altar out of the throne room and into the streets of Utgard. 

The cheers went up as the doors closed shut, Loki alone once more as he went through his plans for the night. 

Laufey was the one to fetch him, as was custom, he checked the teeth weren’t too close to Loki’s eyes, that he could see through the silver maw before helping him onto the cart that would bring him down.

“The Allfather is excited to see you,” Laufey said.

“Let us not disappoint him then.” The cart started forward, Loki leaning in close, remembering he should probably give forewarning to a man who didn’t know Loki’s true power. “I have been practicing something new father. So do not be alarmed if things are not the same as they usually are.”

If anything Laufey looked pleased that Loki had decided to try something new. 

The procession, unlike the altar, was met with silence, those still in the streets bowing low as their king and Loki passed. The crowd parted as they reached the edge of Utgard, Loki keeping his head forward, never wavering as they rounded the altar to the back. Laufey dismounted first, grabbing Loki as he went and placing him like a child upon the ice table. 

The people had brought torches, Loki making out a few people he recognised in the dim light. Yet he couldn’t see the Aesir until Laufey took his place next to them, a torch of his own held low enough to light the face of Frigga.

He didn’t look again, instead, he bid forward the sick, having them kneel as was customary at the foot of the ice stage. Loki’s victims had already been assembled, three of them blindfolded this time around. The two that were not had seen this done enough times to know that when Loki motioned them towards him they laid their necks, bare, on the space left for them. 

He made quick work with his knife, always the same one he’d used since he started this, the one he’d stolen from Thor. Still sharp after all this time the blood flew smooth down the edge of the altar, Loki doing his usual performance of healing afterwards, only this time he didn’t say anything. 

They would know he was a fake if he just said the usual nonsense. While the Jotun’s Allspeak had been cut off with the absence of the casket the same wasn’t said for the Asgardians. 

When he was finished, he bid the others forward, hopping up until he was standing. They lowered their blindfolds, Loki, again, making quick work of them. He had plans but never would Loki extend a death longer than he needed to for showmanship. 

He waited until their breathing stopped before calling his magic. Light flashed in the sky above, Loki not able to call thunder, but he could call lightning. It struck the mountain wine as Loki twisted the five bodies around him, this magic a bit more complicated due to the lack of life. He started with the blood, changing it into slithering forms that elongated the further up the stream it went. Five slithering snakes wormed themselves off the altar and towards the people, stopping only a hair before reaching those recently healed to dig themselves into the ice. He did it again and again until the bodies were gone next to him, changed and below the ice. 

The lightning struck again, soundless like everything else he did, the soil softening once more, the seeds planted within getting a healthy spurt. He finished with one last lightning strike, having it appear right in front of him and using it as a cover to whisk himself away.

It would be a while before everyone came back to the palace, even the guards were absent, all of them down on the edge of Utgard. Loki used his time alone to fetch more food, taking his wolf helmet off and wiping himself down. He was asleep just as Byleistr crept in.

He woke at midday to Laufey keeping him company. Helblindi was probably off seeing to Thor, apparently the two of them sparred together when Thor came to visit Utgard on his quests. Loki wasn’t sure whether that was a good thing or not. 

“How are you feeling?” Laufey asked, wiping a bit of paint Loki had failed to get off his nose. 

“Okay,” he griped, always having to downplay his strength the morning after. He hefted himself up slowly, pushing his hair out of his face. “Is there breakfast?”

“And a gift.” Laufey brought both over for him, Loki eating before looking over the chest he’d spied days earlier. “Queen Frigga bade me give you this. In my attempts to keep you hidden I forgot she has known you. She would see you if you wish it.”

He opened the chest, something gold glinting out of it. “It’s a helmet.” 

It looked to span his forehead as well as cover the sides of his face. There were two protruding horns at the top. It looked like a helmet more concerned with fashion than practicality. But it was beautiful. 

He set it down, knowing he would treasure it along with the knife. 

“What is the temperment of the people?” He asked, turning back to his breakfast.

“They are in awe,” Laufey said plainly. “As am I. Dramatic as your actions were for feats you accomplish with little splendor, it did do well to show that Jotunheim is not powerless. The Allfather even brought me aside last night, asking if he could see you.” He turned stern as he made this point clear, “While I will allow a meeting with the Queen the Allfather is off limits.”

“I agree.” Loki didn’t want to see Odin if he could help it. But with Odin brought up and no interruptions looking like they would come soon it gave Loki the opportunity to ask what he wanted. “Odin. He’s not here to negotiate the casket’s return.”

“No,” Laufey agreed. “But that is no reason why it should not be discussed.”

So Loki had been right. He thought that Laufey would agree to Odin coming a bit too easily. The prospect of even asking after it, of getting some answers must have been too tempting to pass up. 

“So he really is here just to make sure we’re suffering.” Since that was what Loki would do. With news of Jotunheim recovering rather than suffering he too would be seeing how and why if he was in Odin’s shoes. This talk Odin wanted with him, it was probably to try and persuade him out of Jotunheim. 

“It would seem. How confused he was when he was proven wrong,” Laufey chuckled.

Laufey stayed until Loki had cleared his plate before leaving to continue discussions with Odin. Loki got a few more hours of sleep in the meantime, not because he was worn out, he was just feeling lazy.

When he got up properly his brothers were back from wherever it was they’d been, both of them giving Loki hesitant congratulations on a job well done before taking him a route that probably didn’t have any Aesir in.


	15. Chapter 15

It was two days before the topic of meeting with Frigga reared its head again. Helblindi of all people was the one to bring it up. He’d been twirling Loki’s horned helmet around on a finger, the two of them trapped in Loki’s rooms once more as Laufey led the Aesir on a tour of the palace this time.

“The Queen has been asking about you,” Helblindi said.

“I know.” He’d spied her trying to find him, and each time it had been hard to hold himself back from going to her. 

“Do you not like her?” Helblindi had made his thoughts clear on the Aesir as soon as they had arrived. In private of course. He would spar with Thor and be charming to the others to their faces, but Loki had heard him scoff at Thor’s arrogance and their snobbish attitude when their backs were turned. 

“It’s not that. I just… I don’t want to see her disappointment.” He would have to go to her as Jotun, his Aesir skin was too hard to maintain in this temperature. He would have to see her look at him and realise that he wasn’t the boy she’d taught magic to. That his skin wasn’t pale, his eyes not green. He knew she knew what he was, but, it was one thing to know and another to see. Frigga would smile to his face, but Loki couldn’t bare to make her think badly of him inside. 

“You care what she thinks?”

Loki scoffed. “Someone had to care for me before I came to Jotunheim Helblindi. Or did you think I survived to this age on my own?”

Helblindi gave him a long look, his words quiet. “I wouldn’t put it past you.”

“Well I didn’t.” He sighed, getting off his bed to snatch the helmet off his brother’s finger. It was making him dizzy. “Look, there are very few people in the nine realms I care about. She is one of them. Let us leave it at that and talk instead of breaking me out of here before I make it sunny for a full week.”

The threat worked and Jotunheim remained its usual cloudy cold self. Byleistr was the one to break him out the next morning since Helblindi was invited to another sparring match with the arrogant Aesir.

“Do you think we should tell him he’s just as bad?” Byleistr asked as he picked Loki up and started towards the land where ice turned to hills. 

“Best let him figure it out for himself.”

They didn’t reach the hill lands. It would take three days to reach there on foot, but Loki didn’t need to go there. He just wanted to walk without being watched, and if it meant staring at nothing but white all day then that was fine by him.

They built a fort out of the snow, Byleistr’s grander and larger by far with his experience growing up here. Loki ended up knocking his down to try scaling Byleistr’s instead. 

When it got dark they made to turn back, Byleistr destroying his own fort with one swift push as he picked Loki up once more. 

There was a commotion as they neared the palace. Two Jotun’s were outright brawling on the steps, the guards watching but not intervening as skin was split. Closer still, and Loki recognised the rough shape of Helblindi, and when the other Jotun turned he saw Guma. 

Byleistr acted before Loki, setting Loki to the side as he came between the two warring Jotun’s. He got knocked about a fair bit himself before both parties calmed enough to talk rationally again. When they could, Loki hurried them all into the palace before even more of their family’s lives were aired.

The door to his chambers shut in a deafening clang, Loki placing himself before it and the rest of his family. “What is going on?”

“Nothing much,” Guma huffed, “Just your brother willing to spread his legs for every being with a cock.”

“You dare-”

“I dare because it is the truth-”

“Enough!” Byleistr yelled, coming between them once more. “You are acting like children. Just calm down and speak plainly.”

They did, Loki listening to the whole story with a growing sense of dread. 

With talk going as well as expected, and Thor doing his best to make some effort into being pleasant, one suggestion of turning their friendship into something more permanent became two. This morning Guma had overheard Farbauti himself explain that if Helblindi so chose he could leave Guma and marry Thor.

Loki had thought Farbauti had given up on his quest to seat Helblindi on the throne, especially since Laufey was happy with the arrangement as it was. It looked like he had been wrong. With Helblindi having access to the Asgardian throne Thor could merely suggest Loki step down in order for his husband to take Loki’s place. It wasn’t like Loki could argue, the terms of the surrender to Asgard made it so they were effectively ruled by the Aesir. The reason why they hadn’t flaunted their weight about before now was merely because Jotunheim was being punished, ignored and abandoned by all realms for the part they had played in the war.

“Was father there too or just Farbauti?” Loki asked.

“Just Farbauti,” Guma hissed between ground teeth. 

Loki plastered on a smile, “Then we should not worry. If this meeting was held in secret without father then there’s chance he doesn’t even know it’s been taking place. Farbauti has always been ambitious but in this case we all know that father’s word is final.” Meaning Loki hoped that when the topic was breached Laufey would immediately shut down the suggestion. 

“And the Allfather?” Guma challenged. “He didn’t seem too against the idea when it was breached.”

Loki waved his hand, batting away the very thought. “Like the Allfather would ever let us near the throne of Asgard. Thor probably has a Vanir fiance with much a stronger influence already waiting for him back home.”

“You think?” Helblindi asked, a shred of hope in his voice.

“Of course.” If not a fiance then Sif was always available. She would probably kill Thor herself before letting him marry a Jotun. “Now if you two are quite done fighting, perhaps you should retire to your chambers before something befalls the baby.”

Jotun pregnancies were able to withstand more than most, hence Helblindi being able to spar without too much of a problem. But there was always the chance that things would go wrong like any other pregnancy. Just the suggestion of such now had both Guma and Helblindi casting sorrowful looks towards each other, no doubt the two of them would be reconciled by morning. 

“You really think everything’s going to be alright?” Byleistr asked when they left.

Loki kept his smile up, “Why wouldn’t it be?”

He crept out of his room as soon as Byleistr fell asleep. It was early morning now, Loki feeling the drag of sleep warring with his excited state of mind. He pushed it aside as much as he could as he tiptoed down the hallway and into his father’s rooms. 

Loki had only been in here once, and that was on his first day at the palace. It seemed bigger now than it had then, and seemed to take an age to climb as he sought the top of the bed. 

Careful not to wake Farbauti, Loki nudged and even used a bit of magic until his father was blinking slowly awake. The fact Loki had never sought him out here seemed to put a bit of urgency into Laufey’s movements. With a single nod the pair of them retired to the adjoining chamber, Loki not wasting a single second as he hissed Farbauti’s plan.

“They will both deny it if I ask,” Laufey said a moment after Loki finished. 

“Then don’t ask. If the topic comes up make sure you don’t let them talk you into it.” Since it would come up. Farbauti would suggest it now the Allfather had some interest in the prospect. “We both know a marriage alliance would be the worst thing for our people. As delightful as the Allfather will paint it you must say no father.”

Laufey gave Loki a long look, “It is as if you don’t believe I am capable of saying no.”

“I know you are it’s just… I fear you are too desperate to see the long term at times. Farbauti is thinking nothing more than reclaiming the life before I was in it. And while I know some aspects of our life would be simpler if we had a strong alliance between the Aesir these are just pretty words. The Allfather does not care for us, if he did he would not have let us linger so long without the casket. If we give Helblindi over we are giving away the last shred of independence we have.” For if Helblindi went to Asgard who knows what might happen to him. Loki was safe because he was unknown, he was able to blend in. But a Jotun, a known Jotun, in Asgard, Loki couldn’t see Helblindi lasting long there before something befell him.

“He may not suggest Helblindi.”

Loki had thought about this too, about the possibility that Byleistr might be brought up instead. But, “Byleistr is too young. He may have the rights to succeed me now before Helblindi’s child is born but other than that there isn’t much for Farbauti to negotiate with.” As a third son Byleistr hadn’t much to offer Asgard. He wasn’t in the line of succession now Helblindi had a child on the way, and he wasn’t a warrior of the land. His brother’s strengths lay in negotiation, and for someone that Farbauti and the Allfather would wish to manipulate one with a mind of his own like Byleistr wouldn’t be the ideal choice. They would go with Helblindi or nothing at all. 

“Tell your brother not to engage the Aesir anymore,” Laufey instructed. “Byleistr either. Stay close to your chambers and if you roam the halls take one of your brothers with you.”

Loki nodded, leaving his father.

He slept well when his mind was free of worry. 

His brothers didn’t put up much of a fuss when they found out that they too were to be kept apart from the Aesir. “Good,” Helblindi had huffed. “I don’t have to listen to Thor brag anymore.”

Guma was pleased too, taking Helblindi away when he found out that there was nothing to take up his time in the next few days. Byleistr, wasn’t as cheerful. Mainly because he liked listening in on the strange tales the Aesir spoke of. He also didn’t like having nothing to do. Usually when he had free time he would content himself with helping someone else with their duties. Now, being forced to sit with Loki who too had nothing to content himself with, well, it wasn’t surprising that tempers started flying within the first two days. 

They ended up staying in separate areas of the room, Loki lounging on his furs near the fire. They only had to put up with the Asgardians for two more days, and the sooner it came the better. Loki promised, after the stress that had come from these last two weeks he wouldn’t complain about his regular duties again. Spending all day listening to the same problems being brought to his table was by far preferable to sitting here, wondering how far the Allfather would go to demean Jotunheim further. 

He closed his eyes, the room just opposite his own appearing as he formed an illusion. Right now this was his only way to get fresh air. Byleistr was still in a mood with him about something or other, and since it would be getting dark soon there was no one else around that would voluntarily take him out into the shadows of Utgard.

He’d only remembered he could do this the first time Byleistr had told him no to a walk. He had been lounging on his table at the time, the cool ice soothing his anger and bringing to mind the field of snow he’d wanted to walk across. It had been all too easy to half transport himself there after that, to appear in mind but not body, his illusionary form walking the cool snowy ground until Byleistr had rudely pushed him off the table. 

Three more attempts and here Loki was again a day later trying to navigate his way unseen to the kitchens. His walk here may have had ulterior motives, namely that someone had bought some mountain wine the day before and decided to hide it from Loki’s wandering hands. 

He changed his blue skin to pale, the illusion feeling nothing of the cold as he formed clothes and shoes. The thing about the Aesir was that the Jotun’s couldn’t really tell them apart. If they weren’t the Allfather, Queen or Thor the faces just meshed into one. Even looking as similar to his Jotun form as he did no one gave him a second glance as he strode unaccompanied through the halls and to the kitchen. The guards wouldn’t even question one more Aesir around, as far as they were concerned they hadn’t counted how many had come to Utgard. Loki would have to have words with Helblindi about that security risk. After he got his mountain wine that was.

The Jotuns in the kitchens barely noticed he was there. Small and pale, they warned him to keep his hands to himself before leaving him alone altogether. 

His illusion scaled the shelves, magic opening cupboards and jars. He went searching in the barrels and even in the crates they kept the cooking pots in yet still that blasted mountain wine escaped him.

“Your majesty,” Someone called, Loki looking up automatically.

It turned out they weren’t talking to him. 

Escape was impossible, Frigga had already spotted him. In fact, “There you are, I was wondering where you had wandered to.” 

With attention on him he couldn’t exactly poof away, a fact she knew as she grinned all too triumphantly at him. 

With a sigh, Loki pushed himself to his feet. This meeting was going to happen sooner or later he told himself. Frigga would have probably broke his door down on the last day if she hadn’t found him now. 

Making sure Loki was in front she addressed the nearest Jotun, having them, “Fetch that Vanir wine we brought. King Laufey wishes to have it with his meal.”

They did, and had Loki been able to smell in his illusion his mouth would have been watering. Mountain wine was good, but Loki had dreams about Vanir wine. It was the good kind too, the one Frey had made from his gardens. He hoped there was more, or that Laufey would leave him some. Either way Loki was going to be looking in that top shelf where the Jotun was reaching later tonight.

Larger than normal tankard in hand Frigga herded Loki as best she could out of the kitchens and to the upper floors. She didn’t speak to him, just handed the tankard to a guard and told them to take it to the king’s chambers, giving her apologies after a moment and took Loki into the rooms that had been made up for the Asgardians. 

Once inside, the door closed, Loki held his illusion as Frigga’s hand went right through him. “Loki,” Frigga gasped, tears appearing but not falling from her eyes. 

“Frigga.” He felt like a child standing there, his feet shuffling as Frigga calmed down. 

“Oh Loki,” She sighed, bidding him sit on the small bed that had been made for her. “You’ve grown again.”

“I have?” His Asgardian clothes still fit him fine.

She lingered over his face, “You’ve filled out more. I think childhood is certainly behind you now.”

He hadn’t noticed. “Well, you haven’t changed. You’re still as beautiful as ever.”

She laughed a little brokenly at the compliment, the silence afterwards stretching as the two of them worked out what needed to be said. Frigga was the one to gather herself first, again, wishing to touch him as her hand hovered over his. “I feared for you. When Frey told me Laufey wished to see you I almost didn’t let you go.”

“So both of you knew who I was then?” A question he’d long been wanting to ask.

Frigga nodded, a coy look not unlike the one Thor used to give him arching her eyebrow, “I fear not as long as I should have. You did well concealing yourself.”

“How long?” 

Frigga hummed, the memory taking a while to find. “I think it was around your three hundredth birthday. Your hair was too long and kept getting tangled so Thor tried to cut it. You gave him one of my daggers to stop him from hacking at it with a butter knife.” Loki remembered it less fondly than what Frigga was telling it. Thor was not a gentle shearer, even with the new knife in his hand. “I remember seeing it and wondering why it was so used. Then I remembered the little Jotun that had bested Thor. He cried for weeks afterwards you know.”

He didn’t, Thor graciously keeping that bit quiet when Loki had asked about it. “I’m surprised you tolerated me for that long.”

“Loki,” She snapped, “I did not tolerate you. And it does not matter how long I knew who you were. What does is the fact that I still care about you, that I did even after I found out.” 

He knew that, and it wasn’t like he could twist her actions either. Her generosity towards Jotuns exceeded before she knew about Loki. Which means that her actions weren’t a result of some misplaced guilt but genuine care.

Frigga calmed, “Enough about that. How are you? Are they treating you well?”

“You think they wouldn’t?”

She chose her words carefully, obviously not wanting to offend him. “When Frey heard Laufey wished to see you I feared it was not out of familial affection. There are a number of reasons he could have wanted to see you Loki, not all of them good. When you didn’t come back I knew you had gone to see him.”

Frigga searching the palace for a Jotun his size came to mind. “Did you think me dead?” 

“Imprisoned perhaps. You are the firstborn. I thought Farbauti would have persuaded Laufey to remove you completely. It was no secret they favoured Helblindi. It is nothing against you personally Loki. But there were doubts to your parentage even before your birth. Helblindi on the other hand, I remember when that boy was born, Odin took care to meet him as he was named crowned prince. There was no question he bore both sire’s marks.” Crown prince from birth, no wonder Helblindi hated the idea of an older brother. 

“I have asked Laufey,” Loki confessed. “He doesn’t know who my sire is. Do you think perhaps that’s why I’m this size? Because I might not be…” Completely Jotun? He didn’t even know how that would work. 

“It is a possibility. Gerd too has only one Jotun parent. It was why she was able to conceal herself easily in Vanaheim.” 

So it was more than a possibility then. 

Frigga brought him out of his musings by declaring, “Enough of the speculation. It does not seem to matter anyway. You are crown prince now.” The question of how was waiting behind her eyes.

Loki choked on a laugh, “It’s a long story.”

“I have nowhere to be.”

It was easy talking to her after that. It felt like he’d never been away from her side. At times Loki wished he could touch her, just to feel her hand on his again, but to leave his bedroom suddenly would have Byleistr’s attention. He couldn’t have them thinking things they shouldn’t. So he suffered.

Frigga sighed when he was done, a hard look directed at him. “I’m beginning to wonder if this reckless streak is something I inspire rather than Odin. It’s bad enough Thor comes up with these schemes and now I have to worry about you?”

“Everything worked out,” Loki defended.

“They might not have. While I don’t doubt your skills your brother is a giant. Even the untrained Jotun’s in the war were a feat to be approached with great care. And to restrain your magic?”

“It was the best decision to make at the time and still is now.” Of that he had no doubt. But it did bring up a good point. “You haven’t told anyone else I’m here have you?”

Frigga gave him another hard look, “I am old not foolish Loki.”

“You are not old.” But he did appreciate the anonymity. “And I would thank you if you could keep my presence here secret still.”

She promised, guessing, “You fear Odin.”

“I fear what he would do with the knowledge that the boy who learned such great magics from him is now living with his enemy. They are already discussing marriage without my identity. With it, I don’t know what might happen.” They both knew he still had the book. If Odin confessed to Laufey that Loki was the holder of ancient magic another war could start before peace could even be considered. Loki would definitely be strung up in that case, the question was who would be the one to do it. 

Frigga hummed her agreement, focusing on the latter of Loki’s speech, “A marriage alliance is not a bad thought.”

“It is when it is with Helblindi in mind. We both know a Jotun could never live peacefully in Asgard. The marriage would gain Asgard a foothold before slaughtering my brother in one way or another.”

“You think so violently of us,” Frigga noted.

“I have lived with you.” And he knew what was to come, the stories from Midgard, twisted as they were in real life, still lingering in his mind. 

Talk turned to different matters after that. Frigga asked about his station as not only crown prince but shaman. She told him his magic was impressive if a bit barbaric. “The others have been throwing that word around a lot I fear,” she said, disapproval lacing every word. 

Romance was an inevitable topic Frigga landed on, asking if any Jotun’s had caught his eye. She was teasing more than anything, the both of them knowing Loki wouldn’t find a true Jotun mate. Not unless he learned his father’s secret that was. He told her again of his brief marriage to Guma, avoiding all questions when Sigyn was brought up once more in comparison.

Eventually the night got away from them. With the frequent naps he’d been having of late he could have stayed up all night with Frigga. Alas, it wasn’t to be so. In the most inconvenient of times the door to Frigga’s room opened, Thor letting himself in.

Loki only caught, “Mother I’m starting to-” before he disappeared and blinked back up at the familiar ceiling of his room.

Fear threatened to overcome him, but surety that Frigga would devise some kind of lie for his appearance stayed it in its path. He stayed a while longer awake anyway, sleep alluding him until a short trip to the kitchens had him dousing himself in Vanir wine and dreaming of lush gardens and ripe fruit.


	16. Chapter 16

Byleistr refused to let them be trapped inside the next day, so Loki found himself breathing the fresh air of Utgard after breakfast. The day after however, not even the guards would let them out even if they were with each other. Even Helblindi was herded in after a time. 

“When do the Aesir leave?” Loki lamented, knowing this was Laufey’s way of proving his son’s weren’t up for negotiation.

“Early tomorrow morning. There’s to be a feast tonight,” Byleistr said mournfully. “I wanted to hear another tale of Asgard.”

“Ask Loki then,” Helblindi huffed. Guma hadn’t been called in, apparently there was a crib that needed assembling that managed to get him out of joining his in laws in misery.

Midday found someone slipping through Loki’s doors. Someone not Jotun. Loki quickly changed his skin, Helblindi giving him an odd look as he slunk towards Frigga. “How did you get in?” He wasn’t sure if she was an illusion until she hugged him, her arms just as warm and comforting as always.

“The guards are rather preoccupied with a fire,” She pulled back, nodding towards Helblindi and Byleistr. “I know Laufey won’t be allowing you to the feast so I thought I’d best say my goodbyes now.” She hugged him again. “You don’t have to worry about Thor, I made up a suitable excuse. Now, remember, don’t exert yourself, be smart about your decisions and if you ever are in Asgard again you come straight to me.” That last part sounded like a threat and had Loki nodding easily.

The last hug lasted longer than the first two combined, Frigga laying a kiss on his pale cheek before hurrying out the door. As soon as she was gone Loki dropped his pale skin for blue, daring his brother’s to tease him about making nice with the Asgardians. 

Byleistr was smart enough to keep his mouth shut, focusing instead on the scroll he’d stole from the library. Only Helblindi found something to say, and it wasn’t in jest. “Since when could you change your skin?”

Loki shrugged, surprised it hadn’t come up sooner since Byleistr had seen him do it. “Since I was a child. How else do you think I survived in Asgard?”

Helblindi narrowed his eyes, “How did get that power then?”

“I sacrificed my place in Valhalla,” he said flatly. His brother believed him from the horror that overcame him and the line of questioning stopped.

It felt like torture as the day went on and the sounds of revelry started up. Naturally, most of Utgard would be present. All except the three princes. Even Guma was in attendance, a fact Helblindi found distasteful as he heard one laugh singled out amongst the others. 

They ended up passing the time coming up with more elaborate and creative ways to insult those at the feast and the Asgardians it was thrown for, Helblindi winning when his got very dark. Yet that proved to be the last of their suffering as, when they emerged the next morning, things were back to normal.

The guards were gone, all back to their homes for a reprieve before training started again. The three brothers could actually go to the hall for their meals again. Loki was allowed to roam on his own, and as a result found that blasted mountain wine hidden in a trap door. Their duties were reinstated. Byleistr was off once more to the furthest corner of the ice realm to see to the people. Helblindi started coming up with new regimes for his recruits and Loki, well, Loki had to sit in on boring meetings again.

But better this than the Asgardians being present. 

On the subject of the Asgardians for weeks after their departure Loki tried to find out what had become of the talks between Laufey and Odin. Obviously the marriage wasn’t going to happen, but with other topics on the table, Loki wondered how those had went. Did the Allfather think them sufficiently humbled enough to rejoin the nine realms? Was he at least going to offer them aid when they needed it? What exactly had been spoken of because Loki didn’t know, and no matter how hard he tried asking no one would tell him.

Something monumental must have happened however, as Loki spied plans being drawn up for next year. The Allfather looked to be making his trips to Jotunheim an annual thing. That had to be a good thing. 

If it was, no one would tell him. Not even Helblindi who Loki was sure would have known something if Farbauti did. Yet his brother knew nothing more than Loki, and all too soon changed the topic to baby names for his unborn spawn.

Weeks later, Loki was practicing his magic in the privacy of his chambers. He was shifting forms, feeling too constrained in the one he was in. It might have had something to do with it being a particularly cold winter this year. It might also have something to do with the fact that he was tired of using his hand to ward off his sexual appetite. 

Slithering along the floor seemed to help, his snake form giving him a modicum of relief as all it wanted to do was wrap itself around something and- he changed into a bird instead, fluttering his wings along the the frigid air until that too couldn’t starve off his imagination.

Illusions were no good. Every time he tried to think of someone to provide at least a show for his tired hand he was brought back to that night in Asgard’s feasting hall. Of Sigyn and her pretty face. It wouldn’t have been so bad if he could forget the things she’d thought about him. But he couldn’t and since his mind was stuck on an endless loop when it came to illusions he gave up on them in favour of simply pacing the frustration away.

The people of Utgard were probably preparing tribute right now. He’d glanced out the window earlier to see his magic worked up so much it was making lightning dance in the sky. With no thunder following they would know it was Loki’s work. They were probably fearing what might have pissed him off so much he would use his powers to create this spectacle. 

Maybe he could just find a Jotun. They wouldn’t have to penetrate him, just give him a hand so he wouldn’t have to use his own. But a Jotun hand was large, and their grip always unsure when handling him. One too hard pinch and he might be staring at castration. 

He groaned into his too large bed as not even that thought was enough to waylay his centuries old frustration.

He knew he was just being dramatic. It would go away in a while as it always did. It wasn’t even the lack of sexual contact that was driving him mad, just the frustration that this would be his life so long as he stayed in Jotunheim. He almost wished he’d found someone to cavort with before coming here. Then he thought it would probably be worse because then he would know what it actually felt like to have someone and Loki was just driving himself mad all over again.

His door clanged, shut, in his distraction Loki not even hearing the heavy footsteps that always accompanied one of his brothers. Not even looking back he threw the nearest object to hand in the door’s direction. “Unless you’re here to let me mount you I suggest you leave Helblindi. I am not in a jovial mood right now.”

“I’ll say, especially if you want that brute in your bed.”

Loki stiffened in his pillow, sitting up slowly lest the illusion fade. But no, there Thor was standing in his room, his cheeks pink from the cold and his travelling cloak slung around his shoulders. Loki reached towards his bedside once more, grabbing the hairbrush one patron decided to craft for him and lobbed it at Thor.

It hit him square in the face, even leaving an imprint behind before Thor covered it with his hands. “Ow! What was that for?”

“Just making sure I didn’t magic another illusion.” While Thor wasn’t usually among his list of people to stroke himself to, he would be lying if the prince hadn’t made it in every now and then. An idiot as he may be he more than made up for it in looks. “What are you doing here?” How did he even get here was the more pressing issue. Somehow Loki doubted that the Allfather had given Thor clearance to come to Jotunheim so soon after their departure. 

Thor lowered his hands, his nose still delightfully red as he said, “We’ve come to bring you home.”

Loki had to take this in parts or he wasn’t going to get anywhere. “We?”

There was a commotion from outside the door, three swift knocks sounding and Thor hitting the floor, sliding himself underneath Loki’s bed. The door opened again, this time Loki’s actual brother coming in. Helblindi cast one look outside and to the clean floors before fear took over. “Please tell me you haven’t killed anyone.”

“If I have you’ll never find them,” Loki said.

Helblindi actually gulped Loki’s lightning still flashing strong outside as he said, “Father wishes to know what’s wrong, and if you can maybe stop. Please.”

“I will think about it,” Loki promised, the answer good enough for Helblindi to go scampering off.

Only when the three knocks came again did Thor slide back out from under the bed. By then, Loki had made his way to the floor, pushing Thor back over as soon as he was up.

“You brought those idiots to Jotunheim? Are you insane? What did you tell them, because if they know I’m Jotun I swear to every god I can name I will bring Ragnarok into being right now.”

“Peace,” Thor begged, setting himself back up. He looked far too calm for Loki’s liking. “They would not let me come alone. And they don’t know you’re Jotun. They think you a prisoner.”

It sounded like they weren’t the only ones. “Do I look like a prisoner to you?”

“Honest? Yes,” Thor admitted.

Loki choked out a laugh, “I am in the crown prince’s chambers. I am fed, I am unharmed, I am no prisoner here and you were a fool to come here looking for me.”

“Just because they treat you decent does not mean you are not their prisoner. Mother was denied even asking about you when we came here weeks ago. No one denies a person’s existence unless they don’t want to admit they have them. Now get your things, our window is short and I intend to make the most of it.”

“Well your window will have to close without me because I am not going anywhere.” He firmly planted himself down, Thor having to loom now in order to play his intimidation game.

“Loki,” he pressed, his hands going to Loki’s shoulders, “Whatever they have told you. Whatever they have promised it is all lies. Your place is in Asgard, with me and your friends. With mother. I know you understand me somewhere in there. Please just listen.”

“I am, you are the one that isn’t listening.” He waved a hand around, “This is my home, these are my people. Those friends you speak of mock me when I am in their presence. Sif doesn’t even like me. And as for you, when was the last time you spoke to me civilly never mind in a friendly manner when last we saw each other?” Loki remembered. It was just before he’d been turned off from his job as a warrior of the realm.

Thunder boomed this time as the lightning appeared, Thor’s confusion mixing with Loki’s anger. 

“And mother?” Thor challenged after a moment. “You cannot say she has been unkind to you. She loves you like a son. She mourns you even now. Father has started fearing for her. Before we came to Jotunheim she would often speak to an illusion she made of you. The only way I knew she was lying, that it was you here in Jotunheim is because she always creates the Loki I last saw.” A soft brush against his cheek explained what Thor’s words couldn’t. Frigga had mentioned he’d lost the last of his childhood plump, it must be noticeable if even Thor had seen it. Thor’s thumb joined the rest of his hand on Loki’s shoulder once more. “You can say their words to me all you wish Loki, but I know you yearn for her just as much as she does you. Come home Loki.”

“I am home,” Loki forced out. 

Thunder boomed once more, the storm outside growing more chaotic. “They are using you! This power you have they are exploiting it for their own gain. They are making you kill for them.”

“My actions are my own, as are my words.” He cast Thor off him, “And as for their gain those people were dying anyway. With their bodies they are spreading disease, their lives wasting resources. What gain do you see from me ending their lives? What great plan do the Jotun’s have with me helping them live?”

“So you are happy taking their lives?” Thor challenged. “You are happy with being called every time someone so much as breaks an arm to help them? Loki, this isn’t the life for you.”

“And why not? I barely have to exert myself and in return they pay me tribute, they give me respect and a station. Do you know how much gold I have?”

“And gold is a good enough reason for you to play nice with them? You are not a god Loki.” The thunder boomed again outside as if to show Loki what that title really meant.

But he wouldn’t stand down, not to Thor. “And you have earned that title have you? What makes you so worthy of that title but not I? The only reason you are called God to begin with is because your father had the gall to come to Midgard and spin a tale of lies to us. He painted you all as these mighty beings but I know better. You are not greater than me Thor!”

They stood there panting at each other, willing the other to lunge first. Thor’s fists were already balled, the storm outside possibly the worst Loki had ever witnessed, and he had been there when Thor went beserker on the Midgardians. Yet it was with words rather than fists that Thor struck first with, his voice quiet as he said, “They will tire of you eventually and once they do you will see them for the jailers they are. They will stretch you so thin and when you say no they will force you to keep going. This isn’t respect, and the sooner you realise it the better.”

“How would you know?” He sighed, knowing they were talking in circles. So Loki humoured him a moment, “Okay, say I came with you. What would happen when we got back to Asgard?”

Thor relaxed, his fists loosening and no thunder accompanying the lightning as things were finally going along a path he could understand. “Things would go back to normal.”

“Normal?” Loki repeated. “So I would go back to my hut. Back to having no ambition, no job, no quests. I go back to hunting tirelessly for my food and trading with people who always sell me short. I go back to women calling me names behind my back and men to my face. And I go back to you, the one friend I had, ignoring me in favour of prostrating yourself as this stranger to people who will never be satisfied with you.” He calmed himself again, knowing that working himself up would only lead to yelling and Loki was frustrated enough without adding a headache into the mix. “No but, you’re right, there is Frigga, the only woman in Asgard who still shows an ounce of kindness towards me. And what does she get in return? People questioning her loyalty to your father. She was the one who sent me here you know? She knew that Asgard would only grow worse to me as they years went on. She gave me a chance to become something and I am not giving that up because you got it into your head that because I’m in Jotunheim, oh I had to have been kidnapped.”

“Loki…”

Three swift knocks came again, Thor hitting the floor once more. Loki wasn’t all that surprised that Farbauti was the one to burst encroach Loki’s door. Farbauti was still the only one not afraid of Loki. No matter how much chaos he could create Farbauti could still look him the eye and call him runt. Loki liked it, the challenge it posed had him always trying to up his game while keeping it subtle enough to remain just another parlour trick.

“I want this black magic stopped now,” Farbauti ordered. “The hour is late and while you may be able to shirk your duties tomorrow your father and I cannot. Don’t make me come back in here.”

Then he was gone, the door slamming showing that he wasn’t going to bottle out of his threat. Laufey would probably let him slap Loki about a little as well. It would certainly help smooth things over come morning if it looked like a beating was the reason for Loki’s anger. 

It took great strength to reign his magic in, the lightning stopping with one last blast. The thunder still rolled, and when three swift knocks came once more Thor looked even more upset than before. “How can you want to stay here with them?” He asked.

“Because,” Loki said. “It is like you said. Sooner or later they will tire of me. But now is not that time, so I will be taking advantage of all the perks that come with being the crown prince and saviour of Jotunheim as is my due.” He went to start his climb to the top of his bed. “If you’re really that sincere about your want to rescue me then come back in a few years. Who knows, maybe I’ll have changed my mind by then.”

Thor stayed standing there, his glower saying more than words could until the knocks came again, five this time, and Thor’s time in Utgard was up. Loki didn’t watch him go. Instead, he turned back to his pillow, for the first time that night his body able to relax without having an insistent need that needed seeing to.

Loki tried to forget Thor’s visit in the coming months. He tried not to think about Frigga’s worry, about what Thor had told him she had been doing. He tried not to think about the fact that he’d basically turned his back on them. With every effort he put into restoring Jotunheim he was giving himself more of a foothold here. He was making it his home, and while he had said as much to Thor, Loki had never really thought about Jotunheim as his home. 

When he’d come here it had been an opportunity to see the life he would have lived had Laufey actually made an effort to find him. Later it had been about spiting his brother. Now, as he felled more sick Jotuns before they could infect the rest of the village, he was starting to see that maybe he’d garnered a little emotion towards this world he’d been thrust into.

It helped that things were actually peaceful. Around the palace, save the wailing of Helblindi’s spawn, there wasn’t anything Loki could pick a fuss over. There were no wars to campaign, no fights to attend to, the most he saw of a squabble was when someone came for an audience with Laufey. Even then, Loki was more amazed than he was unsettled by this fight. If the people of Jotunheim were prospering enough to squabble then he was doing something right. 

The harvests were coming in stronger with every year, the nourishment Loki gave the soil enough that it was starting to become Utgard’s main source of income. The sparse magic that was available to them was being spread around the realm too, not just confined to the Hillfolk. Things were good. Great.

Then Thor showed his face again.


	17. Chapter 17

It was a short visit, Thor merely showing his face before the swift five knocks came and Thor promised that next time he would have more time to spare for Loki.

Next time was three months after. This time Thor was already in the room when Loki came back. “I said years not months Thor,” Loki greeted, shedding the wolf helm and starting to strip himself of paint. 

“Years from now there might not be a Loki to check up on.” And check up he did. 

For the next three visits Thor asked the same questions again and again. ‘Are you sure you want to stay Loki?’ ‘How was your day?’ That one was mostly asked because Thor wanted to know if someone had laid a hand on him that day. Loki sometimes considered saying yes just to see what Thor would actually do. The last few were mostly along the lines of how he was in general. 

The concern was touching. If a bit annoying. Loki’s nerves were frayed every time he went to his room, always wondering whether Thor would be there or not. It seemed, however, after a while that Thor got into a bit of a routine. Every three months he would appear, and usually on a Monday. It took a while for Loki to figure out that was the only day Thor didn’t have that many pressing duties to attend to, well, on an evening anyway. 

Loki on the other hand didn’t have a set routine to navigate around. Thor could come when he had nothing to do, or he could come when Loki had several things to do at once. 

“Such is the life of a prince eh Loki,” Thor had grinned to him. It was almost two years since he’d first cropped up. He’d relaxed a bit since those early visits, so much so that he was in fact lounging on Loki’s bed. The others were hiding in their usual spot, the room just opposite Loki’s where things like his secret stash of hillfolk sweetmeats were kept. He didn’t know what Thor had told them about Loki being here and, so long as Thor didn’t mention the whole Jotun thing to them he didn’t bother asking.“You thinking about coming home yet?” 

Loki concentrated more on the documents in front of him as a reply. It was a list of people, carriers his father claimed. There was a new outbreak of plague, the remedy nonexistent. Not even magic could cure it, which was why Loki had been confined to the palace. Laufey suspected foul play, maybe the fire demons from the neighbouring realms, the tear still existing there. Either way, it wasn’t looking good. 

Thor sighed next to him, his foot kicking Loki in the thigh. He was starting to regret telling Thor to take his boots off if he was going to lounge on his furs. Mostly because that sweaty sock covering his foot wasn’t relenting in the slightest as it toed around Loki’s skin. “It’s so weird seeing you like this.”

“Well this is what I look like.” He cursed himself for snapping back when he’d finished, ignorance usually had Thor retreating quicker. 

Thor sat up, just as Loki thought he was more engaged now Loki was replying. “Not bad weird. But I did spend four hundred years seeing you pale and gangly.”

“I’m still pale.” Apparently there was such a thing as pale in Jotun’s. Loki’s blue skin was a lighter blue than all the others. Something that happened from too long in the sun, a problem that was remedying itself every day in Jotunheim. 

“And gangly,” Thor agreed. He wisely noted that any further observation would have him being kicked out, instead asking, “How’s your nephew?”

“Loud.” Hron had lungs that could fell a building if he tried.

Thor came nearer, sitting opposite him now, right in Loki’s eyeline. He couldn’t ignore the golden brute if he tried. “Do you like your family?”

“Why?” It had taken a while for Thor to accept that Laufey was truly Loki’s family. At first, he thought Laufey was lying to Loki, just saying it to get him to stay in Jotunheim. When Loki finally told him the truth, about how he didn’t simply get this position, that he fought for it, earned it, only then did Thor consider that his assumption Loki had been forcibly taken was wrong. It still didn’t stop him from trying to bring Loki home. 

Thor shrugged in front of him, “I guess I’m curious. Laufey seems quite cold.”

“He is a frost giant.”

Thor twisted his mouth at the bad joke. “What I mean is that he doesn’t seem that affectionate. Nor does Farbauti. Helblindi’s at least civil, and, well Byleistr’s never here. I just, wondered what you thought of them.”

“I don’t need affection,” Loki said, wondering how Thor could have come to such accurate observations after only meeting them a number of times. Laufey wasn’t what Loki would call affectionate. At first he had thought it was because he just didn’t want to touch Loki, to break him with his giant hands. Now, further down the line, he was starting to see it as something else. The affection he had been shown seemed to be hesitant, like Laufey knew what he should be doing, how he should treat his sons, but as time went on just kept forgetting to keep the act up. These days the only time Loki got so much as a pat on the head was after one of his rituals. Even when he first came here Laufey hadn’t known what to do with Loki, he was waiting, Loki realised now, to see what Loki would do for himself. 

Farbauti, obviously, hated Loki still. The hate had only grown now Hron had been born. But he kept it more to himself these days, Loki knowing it was a waiting game now, and more than ready to do everything he could to keep his life.

As for Helblindi. He was civil. He talked to Loki, was more friendly now he’d given birth, but usually it was because Byleistr was gone and he needed someone to watch his spawn for a few hours. If his brother didn’t end up with child again by the end of the year Loki would be shocked.

“Everyone needs affection,” Thor argued. “Including you. My mother is proof of that.”

Loki felt his face twist as it always did when Frigga was brought up these days. It always felt like Thor was using her as a weapon. “We understand each other,” Loki said eventually. “Whether I like them doesn’t come into it.”

“So you don’t?”

“They’re not trying to kill me,” Loki settled on. “Which is good enough for now.”

Thor sighed, flopping back, “I don’t know how you can live like that.”

Loki focused back on the names in front of him, seeing if any of them were close enough to the palace to cause an outbreak here. “I’ve lived this way my whole life Thor. Why should it be different just because they’re my blood?”

“Not all your life,” Thor said, and Loki wasn’t going to argue this again so he kept his mouth shut. 

The next time Thor visited the plague had spread to the mountain folk. Utgard was recovering as best it could after its population had been dwindled and Loki was beginning to wish Laufey had at least let him attempt to heal some people. 

They had blamed him for this. Laufey keeping him locked up had sealed it in the people’s minds that Loki was behind the plague. Laufey didn’t even deny it, spinning it as a warning from their temperamental little God that the people deserved it. For what, Loki didn’t know, but he couldn’t even walk the streets now without people growing silent around him. The fear he’d garnered before had at least a little respect mingled in. Now, it was just terror. 

He’d tried asking what the point was, why Laufey wanted his people to be afraid. All his father had said that it was for the best. “The people need to fear you Loki or else they will rise against you,” he’d said, that fatherly tone long gone these days. “If we want our family to be strong we must have the people on our side.” Which meant that if Laufey wanted to do something that might seem wasn’t in the people’s favour he could use Loki as a shield. With a plague able to kill them with no aid possible they wouldn’t dare lay a finger on Loki. 

“Ready to come home?” Thor asked, his voice trailing from the bed above.

Loki used his magic to drive him off, he wasn’t in the mood for Thor’s teasing. Or his question. Home was still here, just a bit complicated at the moment. 

He managed to work out how to get the people to somewhat like him again. Namely by slaughtering a beast that had been hounding an outlying village. The hillfolk were eternally grateful, giving Loki the bones to decorate his altar with and promising they would never forget the good deed he’d done that day. Naturally, when he got back to Utgard word had travelled faster than him so everyone was watching proudly as their Jotun prince strode decorated in bones back to his palace.

He slept for a week after that. Beasts in Jotunheim were larger than Loki had ever seen. It had taken all of his skill to bring it down, and Loki still wasn’t sure he hadn’t died somewhere back there and his spirit was the one lying here now.

The harvest also put him back in the people’s good books. Namely because before the crops were brought in they seemed to have doubled in size this year. Loki thought it odd before Thor arrogantly brought it up when he appeared that very night in Loki’s chambers. 

Loki supposed he wasn’t called the god of fertility for nothing. 

Needless to say by the year was over the people had all but forgiven him for the plague. Some of them even said they were glad for it. They thanked Loki for killing off the weak and unable, leaving only the strongest of his people alive to see Jotunheim into a new and glorious era.

Spring came with Loki carving up animals instead of people. He was chewing on a bone he’d stolen from the calf he’d gutted not an hour earlier when he heard the tell tale noise of Thor clearing his throat. 

Loki didn’t even turn, just sank deeper into his bath, the cold water doing little to remove the paint still clinging to his body. “I’m not going with you.”

“Fair enough,” Thor sighed, sitting himself on the ledge next to him. “Dare I ask how cold that water is?”

Loki used his magic to flick some up at him, his grin etching its way around the bone at Thor’s squark. He was shoved in retaliation, Thor hissing once more as his disgusting sock let in more cold than it ought to. 

“What news do you bring then?” Loki asked. “How this time are you to persuade me back to Asgard?”

“With women,” Thor huffed, shaking the last of the cold from his person, a smirk already on his face by the time Loki truly did turn to look at him.

“Women?” Loki repeated incredulously. “Women?”

“Come on Loki,” Thor jibed, “When was the last time you had a good woman? These Jotnar aren’t… well, they’re not for me, but you grew up with Aesir looking women. You can’t tell me you aren’t tempted to come back if only to sow some of those wild oats of yours.”

He wasn’t exactly wrong. With Jotnar not even a possibility Loki was considering more and more these days just slipping into Vanaheim to find someone to bed. Five hundred was too old to be untouched and he was sick of having to hear his brother’s gloating without the experience of knowing what it is Loki’s supposed to find so good. 

Still, Loki wasn’t going to tell Thor that. “I don’t need to sow my oats. Sex is a distraction. One I don’t want used against me.” Which was true. He’d seen many Jotnar approach Laufey in the hopes of bedding Loki, the prospect of being his lover was too good for anyone to pass up. Even if they would be degrading themselves to rutting with a runt. 

He didn’t see Thor lean in close, but he did feel it, Thor’s breath hot on his ear as he breathed, “Liar.”

He swallowed hard, hating the very prospect that such a simple act coupled with the topic had him rather interested under the water. He was surprised his voice was even composed as he said, “What have I to lie about? I go back to Asgard, I find a woman, and then what? We live happily ever after? Me, a man who wouldn’t be able to support her? Face it Thor, everyone in Asgard knows I’m nothing. If I went back they wouldn’t even look at me in fear they would end up with the same fate.”

A short chuckle had Loki stiffening, Thor still in close. “Who said anything about supporting her? You find a woman, you have sex and then you go home to mother who, by the way, sends her love.”

“I hate you,” Loki hissed, Thor chuckling again in response. “Besides, who says I want a woman? Men are just as interesting.”

“A man then,” Thor insisted. 

Loki turned, his nose brushing against Thor’s. It was warm, soft, against his own. “I would. But the problem is that I know every Asgardian male is nothing but a prejudiced pig. They’re even more unlikely than the women to look at me. You need to come up with a new argument.”

Thor huffed, pulling back to pout unfairly down at Loki. “I didn’t mean to cast you out Loki.”

“But you did.” Ah, they were delving into the other topic Thor loved to bring up. He seemed to be insistent that this feeling Loki had of being left out was purely his own fault. 

“I didn’t. It was you who stopped talking to me. You are the one that stopped coming drinking with us.”

“Because I was ridiculed every time I made an appearance.” He still remembered what they said, how they said it. It may have been a joke to them but it wasn’t to Loki. “Besides, can you honestly look back and say you wanted me there? I know Sif didn’t. The other’s either. As soon as you started leading them on little quests to adventurous lands there was no more room for me.”

“Of course there was, you’re just being dramatic.”

“Dramatic?” Loki drenched Thor in a sea of cold water for that. “That is dramatic Thor. What I did back then was see the same thing I’ve seen my entire life. You pulled away and you didn’t look back, just like the others did. I wasn’t part of your new life and you didn’t even make the effort to try and include me. But it’s okay, I forgive you, it’s just what happens when you’re Loki.” 

The Midgardian friends he’d had as children had abandoned him when they realised he wasn’t normal. The comrades he’d made on his raids would ignore him when they got home. The Asgardians didn’t even talk to him unless he had something to offer him. As for the Jotun’s, if Loki hadn’t made this role for himself he would be nothing to them too. He wasn’t one of them despite his blood. He was small, he was odd, he wasn’t even looked for when he’d been abandoned.

“You were the only friend I had Thor.”

Since Frigga wasn’t his friend. She was always more to him than that yet even Loki hadn’t trusted her with half the secrets he’d trusted Thor with. 

Traitorous tears were pooling at the edge of his eyes, Loki swiping at them as he tried to compose himself. He wasn’t going to cry. Thor would use it against him. He’d whisper sweet words but when it came down to it he wouldn’t deliver them. “You should go,” Loki said, resolutely not looking at him. “Now!” he barked when he didn’t hear Thor move, “Before I gouge your eyes out.”

He heard footsteps after a moment. When he chanced looking back Thor was gone and Loki let himself slip further beneath the water once more. 

Thor, thankfully, didn’t bring up their conversation the next time he visited. Instead he talked about Asgardian summertime and how Loki must be missing that at least. 

The look on Thor’s face when he realised Loki hated the heat was worth listening to the spiels about butterflies on flowers. 

The time after Loki was too busy to listen to much of what Thor had to say. There was another beast, this one bringing more sickness. Loki was at his magic book day and night for this one, trying to find some relief to the animals being killed off. He had to find something, otherwise Jotunheim’s livestock will be nonexistent. 

“Don’t you ever get frustrated?” Thor asked.

“Yes. Right now being a good example.” He found a spell that might work, but he would need the solstice for it. Honestly, what was the point of spells if they had to be said at a specific time? Spells should be used at any time of the year, damn the solstice.

“I meant with the lack of sex.” Thor flopped himself closer, once more doing his best to distract Loki from a very important task. 

Loki was beginning to think they should start talking about these unexpected visits, maybe find a system where Loki could ward Thor off if it was a bad time. Then again, every time was a bad time. Thor might never see him again if Loki started that up.

“You’re very focused on that aren’t you?”

Thor shrugged, “I was just thinking about it the other day. I mean, it’s not bad to abstain for a while, but hundreds of years? The rest of your life? I don’t think I could do it. Hey,” Thor said, kicking Loki lightly as a thought came to him, “How about I sneak Sigyn over here?”

“What?”

“Yeah,” Thor grinned, really taken with this idea. “I can tell her it’ll take a while before we can break you out yet but that you really want to see her. You wouldn’t believe what some people are willing to do for supposed prisoners.”

He didn’t know where to begin. “Are you actually that stupid Thor? You can’t bring her here. How you haven’t been found out before now is one of the biggest mysteries the universe has ever thrown. And while you can at least keep your mouth shut Sigyn certainly can’t. And- and just don’t bring her!” 

Thor rolled his eyes, “If this is about that time in the corridor she’s completely over it. She’s been singing your praises ever since you went missing.”

Probably to get a rise out of Balder Loki thought. “One, she has nothing to get over because nothing happened. Two, she doesn’t even consider me in that light. And three, if you ever want me to think you have an actual thought in that mind of yours again you’ll stop talking about this.”

“Fine,” Thor agreed. 

Far too easily for Loki’s liking actually.

“Not Sigyn.” There it was. “Then how about Fandral? He’s been desperate to see you. He worries. They all do. I’m sure it wouldn’t take much for him to be persuaded to help you out. I wouldn’t even have to tell him what’s going on, just, like I said, slip him in and tell him to be quick before someone finds out.”

“No!” Even if Fandral had crossed his mind a few times as well. Hogun too. Volstagg was already off the table for Loki to even consider so he didn’t bother even trying to think about him. But the other two, yes, they had appeared as illusions on occasion. Yet it was one thing to simply imagine it and another to do it. Fandral was handsome but he was annoying in real life. Loki would never be able to live his shame down if he found himself in Fandral’s bed. As for Hogun, well, Loki never knew what to make of him. He was quiet, so quiet it unsettled Loki at times. That being transferred to the bed Loki didn’t know what he would be in for. “Just shut up Thor.”

Thor flopped back, Loki thinking that was it as he tried looking back at the list again. It was useless, within a few seconds Thor was scrubbing his face, a mournful sigh escaping his mouth just as he sat up once more to take the list readily from Loki’s hands. “What about me?” 

“Sound more enthusiastic why don’t you.” 

It was like Thor was in great pain even now as he looked Loki over. “Well?”

“Well what?” He made a snatch at the scroll, Thor holding it out of reach. It brought Loki a distance he didn’t really want to be in right now when he made another lunge at Thor. “Give it.”

“Not before you answer. What about me?”

The scroll remained out of his reach, Loki slinking back to give Thor his best icy glare. “You’d let me in you then?”

The reluctance was back with a hint of fear. “Well, I was thinking more the other way around actually.”

“And why is that?” Loki challenged.

Thor made a not so subtle nod towards Loki’s loincloth. “You know, because you have a…”

He took pity when Thor’s princely manners wouldn’t let him say such a word like cunt. “I see, and you think because I have both that this automatically gives you the right to be the one to mount me. Nevermind that if I was with a woman it would be the other way around, or that I’ve in fact been brought up as a boy my entire life. Just because I have one, doesn’t mean you get to use it. If you’re truly offering yourself I get to be inside you or nothing at all.” Since the alternative would be Loki under Thor, and he didn’t want to give Thor that power again. Especially since the stakes were much higher with him being penetrated than Thor. 

The topic finally seemed dismissed as Thor handed the scroll back. He was in a huff the rest of his time there, ignoring Loki just as much as Loki was ignoring him. Loki had never breathed more easily than he did when Thor finally left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter for the week. I know I've only uploaded two chapters this week, but I've been away and I was asleep all day yesterday because I got a stupid illness from my travels. I don't usually post on the weekend since last week I was just doing it to fill up this week's quota so expect the next update around late monday.  
> Thank you for all who've been reading and commenting on it so far. It really means a lot, and to answer some questions this is a slow burn fic, like, I've just started writing the beginnings of the romance as I type this so there's a lot more drama to come before that. Hope you can stick it out.


	18. Chapter 18

The plague had a remedy. A rather hard one that didn’t involve the solstice but did involve quite a lot of hay, something that the ice folk of Jotunheim just simply didn’t have in plenty. They lost far more than they should have before Loki cured the animals, and, once again, it would be another hard year as they sought to reclaim what was lost.

Thor appeared next just as a level of peace had descended over Utgard. There were no pressing matters, the realm, for once, seeming happy to leave Loki alone. They spent Thor’s whole visit actually talking rather than arguing. It was, dare he say it, nice. Especially because the topic rarely strayed into something that would rile Loki up. 

Of course, not everything was great, there were some parts that had Loki preparing himself to start distancing Thor away. Usually it was in times of silence, where both of them were reflecting on memories past or trying to think of more to keep this amiable narration going. Those times, Loki would look over and find Thor just staring at him, a hard look in his eyes that made Loki think he was being assessed. From experience that look only happened when Thor was preparing himself for a fight. Loki didn’t think he could be blamed, therefore, for being suspicious, even if nearly seconds later nothing came of it but more fond talk of moments past.

The peace, of course, couldn’t last.

Within a month Loki was looking at a line as long as Utgard coming to the palace for an audience. The Hillfolk had come to seek shelter in the ice lands after a flood had deemed their homes inhabitable. They had tried evacuating to the mountain lands, since the climate was much warmer than the ice, but the mountain folk were experiencing their own problems. Ones that grew much worse just as Laufey had managed to find a temporary resting place for the hillfolk.

“I can’t stop a volcano,” Loki hissed. 

It hadn’t erupted yet, but the smoke that swamped the mountains could be seen even in Utgard. It was only a matter of days, and if Loki didn’t do something he was looking at the villages at the base of the mountains being destroyed. The mountain folk had tried evacuating to higher ground, but the smog was too thick to see never mind breathe. 

Laufey had demanded Loki go see if he could find some solution, even just appease whatever deity that had been so generous to him so far. 

He felt like tearing his hair out, especially because every protest he had was met with, “I am sure you will find a solution.” Laufey’s words growing more and more cold the longer Loki tried to tell him that he simply couldn’t stop a volcano. 

The last one had been Laufey near dragging Loki along the corridors and away from the mountain folk he’d been in conference with. Even if it was only two finger his grip on Loki’s hair was tight enough to have him in tears. They came to his door, Laufey’s words low so no others would hear them. “You know better than to spread doubt of yourself to others.”

“But I can’t-” His hair was tugged harder, his face as far back as it was ever going to get.

“You will. Or you will die and we will call it a great sacrifice.” His door was thrown open, Laufey pushing Loki in, his eyes promising that if Loki even thought about escaping he wasn’t going to get far.

When it shut once, more a deafening sound echoing around the room, Loki let out one feral scream. Done, calm, he started thinking again.

Just because he’d never been taught how to stop a volcano didn’t mean he couldn’t. There had to be a solution. There just had to, and Loki would find it. It took three days to get the mountain lands, plenty of time for him to find some answer to this, rather dangerous, dilemma.

A throat clearing had Loki whipping around, his teeth bared like that would actually help him in a fight. “Is this a bad time?” Thor asked.

“It’s always a bad time when you come,” Loki growled, not needing to pander to Thor as well as worry about his impending fate. “Is that mine?” 

Thor was covered in a fur far too big for him, the snow white tufts dwarfing his body and trailing in a line that still led to Loki’s bed. “I er, got cold waiting.”

“Well you are in the land of ice.” Yet Thor hadn’t stolen one of Loki’s cloaks before. He always came wrapped up warm when he visited Utgard. Loki felt his eyes narrowing as he noted the rather naked hand clutching the fur to Thor’s neck. “What happened to your clothes?”

“They’re er,” He nodded to the bed where, sure enough, Loki could see a leg of Thor’s breeches dangling over the side. Thor clutched the fur tighter to himself, “It was just a thought. I mean, you didn’t want Fandral and I felt bad so…”

“Pity sex?” Loki bit out, offended for only a moment before what he was to do tomorrow came rushing back. “Okay.” He wasn’t going to die untouched. He wasn’t! 

“Okay?”

“Not backing out are you?” Loki challenged, probably more fearful at the response than he should have been. This was probably his only chance, and even if it was with Thor it was better than nothing at all. 

Thor scoffed, that driven single minded nature of his rearing its head with a raised chin, “Of course not.”

Loki nodded to the bed, Thor doing his best to scramble up it as Loki shed his clothes. His skin changed pale as he joined a now comfortably lounging Thor on top of the furs. If Thor had something to say about the change he didn’t, just opened his furs enough that Loki could slip inside. Really, he didn’t change because he thought Thor might prefer him like this, just that his pale skin was warmer than his blue, and Loki didn’t want Thor to start shivering more than he had to.

“I couldn’t find any oil,” Thor said, “So, it doesn’t look like you can…”

Loki sniggered, “Are you always this awkward?”

“No! It’s just,” Thor struggled, “It’s weird. You don’t think this is weird. I mean, it’s you.”

“And this was your suggestion.” But Loki did think this was weird. Even just lying there on top of Thor, knowing they were going to find pleasure in each other was making some part of him both embarrassed and apprehensive. Yet Loki was desperate, and desperation drove a person to do many things they might find weird in their right mind. “Also, oil is in short supply in Utgard. Seal blubber is usually what makes things slick around here.” That and the fact that Jotnar didn’t really need to use oil when they had sex. They had dual parts for a reason.

The look on Thor’s face at the mention of seal blubber had Loki choking on laughter, the shake of his body sliding against Thor’s doing interesting things now the two of them were relaxing into the position. “Can we not use seal blubber.”

Loki gave a great sigh, “Fine.” 

Now the subject of oil had been taken care of he didn’t exactly know what to do. Did he kiss Thor? Was that just something lovers did? Did he even want to kiss Thor? Pretty as he was Loki didn’t know if he wanted to explore somewhere Sif had already done a thorough excavation on. 

Thor cleared his throat again. “You going to do anything?”

“I’m thinking,” Loki snapped, his legs finally giving out to settle delicately on either side of Thor’s hips. 

“Have you ever-”

He clapped a hand around Thor’s mouth to stop him from finishing, Loki forgetting just how much his pale skin gave away as he felt his cheeks heating. “Shut up.”

There was a smirk behind Loki’s hand for a moment before a seriousness entered his body. He sat up, Loki going with him until they were more than just hovering around each other. He felt too heavy in Thor’s lap, and tried to sit up without completely squashing him. That thought went out the window as Thor gently grasped his hips, smoothing them up Loki’s back until he was slowly rocking them. 

The motion was nice, really nice, and with every move up Loki’s cock rubbed against Thor’s stomach. A soft kiss was lain upon his neck, Loki getting enough leverage on the next rock to start actually participating.

Or tried to, since the pace Loki wanted was quickly quelled by Thor’s hands gentling him back into their rhythm. “There,” Thor cooed. “That’s good isn’t it?”

He didn’t know what it was. The tone, the position, the fact that on the next upstroke Thor wedged his cock far too close to Loki’s cunt, but it had him grabbing Thor’s neck, his fingers easily squeezing and stopping all motion altogether. “Do I look like a girl?” He hissed.

“No,” Thor choked, his own strength rivalling Loki’s anger as he got some air to his lungs.

“Then don’t treat me like one.” He let Thor go, for a moment thinking his roughness would ward Thor away, get him to call the whole thing off and return to wherever his friends and the maidens of the nine realms were waiting, all of them as flowery and malleable as Thor obviously liked.

He was wrong, as soon as Thor got his breath back, a grunted “Fine,” the only word spoken as Loki found his neck being bitten the next second. 

He squeaked, his mind catching up enough to give as good as he got, testing out this new freedom safe of soft gestures. Thor let him set the pace, let him take Thor’s own hand direct it to his cock. That was better, much better, and since he knew he didn’t want this to last long in the first place, he wasn’t too bothered about finishing as quickly as he did. 

Refusing to be embarrassed, he pushed Thor back to the furs, sitting up enough to get a good look before slotting a thigh between Thor’s legs and tormenting him with feather light friction until he reached his own end. 

It wasn’t the most dignified first time. In fact, Sigyn had more class than the two of them did, but it was good, and counted and far from over, Loki just had to catch his breath. 

“For your information,” Thor huffed, his own breath as rapid as Loki’s. “Women like it rough too. I just thought because it was your first time I would be gentle.”

Loki knew as much. He’d met Sif after all. But that wasn’t the issue. “For your information, it wasn’t the gentleness that was the problem.”

“Then what?”

He turned on his side, leveling Thor with the only glare he could manage right now. “When I said my cunt was off limits I meant it. I want to be treated like a man and last I knew you didn’t start rubbing against a man’s cunt when his cock is right there.” Thor hadn’t even seemed to notice it until Loki led his hand down. He understood it might be difficult for Thor to lie with a man, but he was the one that had volunteered. Therefore, Thor should have been the one to put the effort in since he knew what he was getting into. 

The silence lasted long enough for them to catch their breaths. 

“My apologies,” Thor said.

Loki sat up, shifting until he was back over Thor once more, “I don’t care. Just prove to me you actually know how to use your mouth.”

He kept Thor as long as he could. Thor did indeed prove he could use his mouth, sucking Loki until he was panting once more into his furs. He wasn’t selfish either, and was grateful  that Thor ignored the blundering attempts Loki made to reciprocate. 

Eventually however, things had to end, which they did with Volstagg forgoing any knocking and poking his head into the room. 

“Thor,” he hissed, his loud voice not able to keep quiet if it tried. “We must leave, Laufey is approaching once more.”

Volstagg didn’t see anything, thankfully, but the warning was serious enough for Thor to realise how long he’d dallied in Loki’s rooms. “Are you certain you wish to stay?” Thor asked, shoving his chilled skin into boots and breeches. 

More than anything Loki wanted to say no right then. Thor would take him out. He would bring him back to Asgard and away from a death flung into fire. But, “I’m certain.” 

If he did run away then he would be giving up everything. Laufey was just a small inconvenience at the moment. He would calm once all these people left his presence and regale the realm with Loki’s praises. Especially if he could figure out a solution. A volcano was impossible to stop. But Loki was proof that the impossible wasn’t really that impossible. When he was younger he would have thought it impossible for him to go to Asgard, for him to grow up even. Yet here he was five hundred years later, still small by giant standards but good enough for him, and having spent half of his life on Asgard himself. 

He just had to think, and maybe cry a little, and hopefully things would work out. 

A kiss on his cheek startled him out of his thoughts, “I will see you next time,” Thor promised.

“Yes,” Loki agreed. “Bring oil.”

He slept like a baby that night, after Laufey had made sure Loki was still in his rooms that was. 

He was woken early the next morning, his bag with his book slung over his shoulder and a cart waiting right at the palace steps for him.

There was a procession waiting for him on the streets, the giants singing his praises as he delved to the high rise of the mountains. 

Like he thought, it took three days to get there. That whole time Loki was left, alone, with his thoughts, wondering just how to stop a volcano. There had to be a way. 

Ice wouldn’t work, otherwise Farbauti would be using this opportunity to get Helblindi some accreditation. If ice didn’t water wouldn’t. As for air, that only crusted over the top of the lava when the fire had died down to a cool temperature. 

Maybe he could plug it up. If he found a way to stop the lava from getting out then it wouldn’t be an explosion. Also, if he managed to plug up the lava then the smoke wouldn’t be able to get out either. 

The problem would be withstanding the heat long enough to cast a spell.

With a somewhat okay plan in mind he breached the beginnings of the mountains. 

The ice was missing here, the mountains a sort of halfway point between the ice and the hills. There was snow further up top, usually on the mountains that stretched into the clouds. Yet Loki didn’t blame the snow for being absent as his cart rolled to a stop. 

Already, just being in this place a few hours had Loki feeling faint. The heat was unbearable, and the smoke, while staying fairly high, did touch the ground in places. There was ash raining from the thick black clouds that darkened the sky and there, right in the middle of two peaks, was a smaller structure that was the source of all this trouble. 

By nightfall Loki was almost crawling as he made his way to the base of the volcano. Climbing up would be impossible. Which meant his plan to plug this thing up was futile. It took effort now to keep his magic filtering the air getting to his chest, the heat the real problem in this instance. 

He ended up lying there at the base that night, trying to find the strength, or the wit, to work out an alternative.

It came to him in a dream, a vision he would call it later. In it, he was back in Siv’s hut on Midgard, watching her try and stop a host of bees come into their home. “You don’t just block the hole in our home Loki,” She said, showing him that the bees would just find another hole to come through. “It’s better to stop them at the base and then take them somewhere else.” The rest of the night Loki helped her take the bees, their way out of their hive closed up with a gum of some kind, to another part of the village. 

When he woke, he looked up the long stem of the firey mountain, noting the caves that too let out smoke. Siv was right, if he plugged up one hole it wouldn’t stop the volcano altogether. The lava would always find a way out so long as it was in the funnel of the mountain. He would have to go to the source and block it there. 

He really was going to die.

With great effort, he set his book to the side, shaking off his blue skin and changing it to that of a snake. The air was easier to get down here, and with his small body he was able to find a gap in the mountain base that would lead him to very heart of the volcano.

It was hotter inside, the rocks scalding his scales as he slithered with the help of his magic to where the heat was greatest. He would have died long ago had he not been able to starve off the worst of the burns, really, the heat again in the very air he breathed, proving the most difficult to handle. 

Until it wasn’t. Like a bucket of cold water the air was tolerable again. His body fell out of the hole it had made, bouncing off the sides of whatever chasm he’d found until he rolled to a stop. 

He changed back, taking great gulps of blessed air as he got his bearings. He kept his skin pale instead of blue, still wary about the prospect of heat.

It was a tunnel, he realised, not a chasm. It looked to have been made by giants too, the ceiling not in easy reach for a being Loki’s size. 

It took little to convince him to follow it, he didn’t fancy being scalded anymore, and if this tunnel only led to certain death then at least he was comfortable before it embraced him. 

The tunnel stretched for miles, arching and curving with steps carved in here and there with care. About the time Loki’s legs started to hurt he also noticed something else. There was a noise, small now but getting bigger with each step he took.

The wailing became clear just as the tunnel stopped, Loki poking his head through to the chasm beyond in case there was a pit of magma waiting for him.

There wasn’t.

Instead, chained in iron, was a girl. Her skin was a pretty pale, and hair an odd red that tangled around her in knots. She was screaming like she was being tortured, and with every wail there was a great shake of the earth beneath and fire spewing from her mouth. 

She was the volcano Loki realised. 

With hurried steps he cleared the distance between them, avoiding the harsh fire that flickered his way to yell, “Stop!” the next time she took a breath.

She turned at the words, flinching as far as she could with chains covering her neck, then stopped, her black eyes focusing like a wolf. “Loki,” she breathed, a grin breaking out on her face. “I knew you would come.”

There were times in Loki’s life where he knew something was a bad idea. It could be something small like an odd feeling in his gut. Or it could be something like this where a woman he’d never met before was waiting in some kind of trap for him. 

He took stock of the cavern once more, magic ready for whoever was lying in wait. Yet the seconds passed and no one came to slit his throat. Even more and it became apparent that it was just Loki and this girl here. 

“What happened?” He asked, keeping his distance still.

“They put me here, the mountain folk. They said it was for my own good. Even the Vanirs agreed. My mother-” she didn’t seem to be lying. “But I knew you would come. I heard about you when they were putting me in here and I knew you wouldn’t let me suffer.”

“You are from Vanaheim then?” Now he thought about it he did recall that coloured hair around the springs. Since Loki didn’t go there it was no wonder they hadn’t bumped into each other. 

She nodded, “Those brutes kidnapped me. But I remembered Frey saying you were good with magic, and then I thought maybe if you came you could help me and here you are. I knew they would let you come if there was no other choice.” She laughed brokenly, something still off about her that he couldn’t place. 

It wasn’t until he neared that he felt a cold chill come off her. She was half Jotun he realised, which explained her affinity with magic. No Vanir should be able to produce this much raw power without some guidance. The only one he knew who could possibly be this powerful was Frigga and she had Odin’s book to help her.

He kept the revelation to himself, starting on the chain across her middle. “Do you know why they chained you up?” he asked.

She hesitated, which meant yes in Loki’s book.

“You can tell me,” He urged. “I’m helping you aren’t I?”

“They say I’m going to mother monsters.”

It clicked at some distant part of Loki’s mind. One he was ignoring right now as he further helped release her. 

It took magic he didn’t have at the moment to free her. Magic that left him bent over panting into his knees. Yet she was free, and with thanks spilling from her lips he sank gracefully into a nap, the last image he saw of her hands reaching for something in her dress.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I changed the tags, and while nothing explicit happens it happens all the same.

His dream was strange. Exceedingly strange. Thor was there at moments, memories of their last time together mixing with some new pleasure that left him deliciously shivering where he lay. Other times he swore there was a wolf, one that talked to him, coaxing him to show his magic. Lastly he saw Siv once more, poking his little nose as she told him about Ragnarok. 

He was sweating when he opened his eyes, his clothes feeling wrong on his body. The girl was still there, curled up next to him, her red hair looking decidedly more tamer than last he remembered.

He sat, a piercing pain sending him back to his back. He knew as he lay there his dream may have more significance than he thought. 

“What did you do?” He spat, the urge to gut her stronger than anything he’d ever felt before. 

“Just my part.”

“Angrboda,” he named her, sitting up once more and ignoring the ache in his pelvis. 

“It was going to happen,” She said, her voice oddly hollow now she’d gotten what she wanted. “They were going to make me do it sooner or later. It was better this way Loki.”

“No,” he argued, remembering the stories he’d heard. Of Angrboda the mother of monsters. In the tales, she’d sired her children with an unknown god, their dirty blood creating the tools that would bring about Ragnarok. “You’ve doomed us all!”

“Hela already lives,” Angrboda whispered. “The Vanir only needed the wolf and snake.”

“The Vanir?” Vanaheim was behind this? All this time he thought Frey was his ally and-

“Please don’t hate me,” She begged. 

He conjured a knife, holding it to her throat, the tears had worked once, they weren’t going to work again. “Here’s what’s going to happen. You’re going to tell me everything and maybe I’ll take your hand.”

She did.

Frey wasn’t involved in this little scheme. In fact, it had nothing to do with the palace at all. This atrocity Angrboda had done had been planned by a group Vanir and Aesir. The Aesir piqued Loki’s interest, namely because their leader was the husband of a raider that had came to Loki’s village all those long centuries ago. He’d managed to get off the boat and slip away unseen as the soldiers at the docks came into view. The plan had been to check on their children and reunite when the Allfather gave them their reward for capturing the Jotun. Instead, his wife was dead and he had some rather interesting tales for those willing to listen.

While they had been at Loki’s village they had overheard some of the tales being told of Asgard. At first, they had thought it funny, but revenge drove people to look into even the most ludicrous of things. He’d gotten curious as to how the Midgardians even knew that much about the Aesir and slipped back. There, he had learned all the stories Loki had, including the one about Ragnarok.

The stories had changed since Loki was a child however. Instead of an unnamed god that sired Angrboda’s monstrous children it was the trickster. Loki. 

Loki had heard of the trickster last he was on Midgard. Never had he thought it was him, and while others might have thought the same the man who was listening to them thought differently. He wanted revenge on Odin, and there was nothing better than the end of the world. 

Finding Angrboda amongst the Vanir had been pure luck, and when her mother heard her daughter was going to bring about the end of days she had willingly given her back to her Jotun father to stop any of this from happening. 

Except, the Aesir got to her first. “She’s my mother,” Angrboda wept, what they had threatened her with plain. She was right too, this was the best out of the other options they had chosen to ‘seduce’ Loki. One of which he almost pitied the girl for.

Almost. 

When she had nothing left to tell his wrist made quick work of her throat, the betrayal mixing with relief on her face as she bled out. She may have been just a pawn, but if Loki had let her live Ragnarok would have been more than just a dream. 

With shaky legs he stood, following the tunnel he’d found in the hopes there would be daylight at the other end. He told himself it was his imagination when he heard a hiss and whimper echo through the halls. 

The cart ride back was one of the worst Loki had ever experienced. He was praised a hero but he felt nothing more than a villain as he locked himself in his room and wondered just what he could do. 

He took a lot of baths after that. So many Helblindi expressed his worry one evening, motherhood really making him reconsider the tone he used with Loki. 

Loki had claimed the heat was still in his skin, really he was looking at the harsh bruises Angrboda had left. She had seen to tear through his skin at one point, Loki finding the hole in his clothes just where. He wondered if she was a wolf when she did it. 

The pain took days to lessen, the only thing Loki could be thankful for the fact she hadn’t penetrated him. He didn’t think she knew she could. 

He was paranoid for weeks. He didn’t sleep, didn’t eat without seeing someone take a bite beforehand. He certainly didn’t drink. He felt like a shadow of himself. 

It was only when his brother caught him off guard in a sparring match that Loki got himself back together. Weakness would get him killed and while Loki didn’t fear death he would like it to stay away for a few good years. So he stopped shirking his meals, he forced himself to sleep with spells if he had to because the alternative was Laufey finding him unworthy, and Loki was on thin ice with the volcano episode. 

No one but Helblindi had noticed a change in Loki, for which he was grateful for. Their ignorance allowed him to slip back into his role as if he never left it, and while it was trying at times, Loki just had to content himself with the fact that nothing had become of Angrboda’s actions. Also that he now had a group of activists he needed to wage war on. 

But he could bide his time before addressing that second issue. 

“Higher,” Thor whined, his hips lowering to try and get Loki where he wanted him.

Their meeting had gone as smoothly as Loki would allow it to. He’d wanted to prove to himself he could keep this the same too, that he wasn’t going to mess up this opportunity Thor willingly gave him just because one stupid girl had used him. It wasn’t like he could even remember what happened, the spell she’d weaved doing its best to leave him unaware of their coupling. 

For the most part Loki had succeeded in being normal to Thor. Then came the oil. Thor had kept his word, and while Loki was eager to put it to good use, just the touch of Thor on his person had him thinking ‘did she do that to me?’

Disappointed Thor had been when Loki batted him off. He wasn’t complaining now however as Loki continued to lap at that empty space between his hole and balls. 

“Loki,” Thor whined. 

He gave it another lick, raising his head enough to be heard as he said, “You treated me like a girl. I’m just repaying the favour.”

“You’re a demon,” Thor hissed, and hissed again when Loki gave him a harsher than he thought bite on his thigh.

This was only his second go at this, so he brushed off the grumbling Thor gave him and went back to sucking gently at Thor’s skin. 

“You know,” Thor hitched later, when Loki had finally taken pity and started touching his cock, “I thought this arrangement was for you not me.”

“It is,” Loki agreed. “But if you’re complaining.” He didn’t even manage to get his hand off, Thor keeping him there with both palms. 

Thor relaxed after another moment, Loki stroking up his soft skin. His other hand trailed down, scratching lightly at the hairs on Thor’s thighs before slinking in slightly. The tremble was noticeable, no matter what Thor said. He was hesitant to let Loki inside him, willing, but hesitant. It was probably a good thing Loki didn’t have an interest in asking him to go further than this tonight.

Still, a little teasing wasn’t going to kill him.

When Thor came, Loki crawled back up next to him, ignoring his own need pressing rather insistently into his stomach. He changed his skin back to blue, tugging the fur up on Thor a bit more so he wouldn’t catch the flu. 

Thor flopped his hand, the fingers slapping lightly off Loki’s lower back, “You’re going to have to turn because I can’t feel my legs,” he said, the light strokes he was giving pretty clear about what he wanted.

“That’s fine, I er, came,” he lied.

Not a very good one since even Thor had his doubts, “Are you sure?”

“Very.” Just as he was sure the next time. The one after too.

Loki told himself it was fine that he didn’t want to be touched right now, and thanked whoever had created Thor that they had the decency to install some manners into him. He never called Loki out on his lies when he told them, just asked if he was sure before he pulled his clothes back on and left with his friends. 

It wasn’t like Thor had room to complain anyway. He was getting the better end of this deal. Especially because Loki started to see it as a sort of challenge. Every time Thor came, he would tell himself this would be the visit that he would let Thor touch him. Every time that didn’t happen he contented himself with the tricks he’d been learning about from Guma and other frost giants to see if they were true or not. 

Loki thought himself a particularly good lover as the year mark rolled around. 

Then it happened. On Thor’s visit he quickly had the prince stripped and on his bed, his cock happily thrusting through Loki’s thighs. While penetration was out of the question Loki found he was okay doing this. Especially when Thor let loose. It was interesting to have him rutting, he seemed to just lose himself at any moment and after that Loki swore he could see a bit of the magic Thor held within himself tingle light lightning bolts through his skin. 

Thor had a hold of his hips, keeping Loki as still as possible as he thrust up, groaning a bit too loudly for Loki’s liking in his ear. On the next one, he aimed  bit higher than usual, grazing Loki’s lower lips and nudging against his cock. 

He found himself falling forward, a groan of his own escaping, and, for the first time, he didn’t think of Angrboda. 

“Sorry,” Thor panted in his ear, mistaking the groan for one of annoyance. 

“It’s fine,” Loki huffed, setting himself back up. He made to reach back and coax Thor to have at it again. Then stopped, reconsidering slightly as he batted Thor’s hands off him and turned. 

It was like their first night together, something Loki was clinging onto so other thoughts wouldn’t invade this spark of hope. Only, unlike their first night, it was Loki that took himself in hand, Thor too, moving himself along until the delicious slide had him raking the nails on his other hand across Thor’s shoulder. 

Obviously Thor lasted longer, Loki turning once more until they were back in their original position. It took a moment before Thor took the hint, aligning himself once more and plastering himself on Loki’s body. Only one of his hands kept Loki in place this time, the other moving up until it was cupping his neck, moving it to the side so Thor could place gentle kisses along his throat. Thor liked soft. He liked hard too. But when he was left to his own devices he preferred lavishing Loki in kisses than bites. 

A sticky wetness dribbled along his thighs, Thor turning his neck once more until the scratchy hairs of his beard were nuzzling into his cheek. 

It took a wave of Loki’s hand to clear the cum, and Thor bringing the both of them back for they to catch their breaths on the furs. Cuddling had never really been a part of their activities before, but Thor didn’t feel like he was letting go anytime soon, so Loki just relaxed and remembered all those days where he would wake up to Thor trying to smother him when they shared a bed in their youth. 

“I may not be able to come to you for a while,” Thor confessed after a while.

“The Vanir?” Loki guessed. 

Thor had still told him what he could about Asgard. These days the gossip was on the Vanir. Frey had stopped allowing people access to his palace, his correspondence with Frigga all but abandoned. The last anyone knew Gerd had been spotted somewhere along the sparse forest line shouting into nothing. They had to take her to Asgard since no one could open the doors of Frey’s palace. Everyone was worried, Thor even more so because he, along with Loki, could guess what she had been shouting too.

But the rift was shut, and Thor didn’t know what Loki did about Gerd’s parentage. He wasn’t going to tell either. Gerd wasn’t even speaking these days, and Loki wasn’t going to wish her anymore misfortune by setting all of Asgard and their Jotun prejudice on her.

“Father wants me to try and speak to Frey again. If he does not answer he is sending me to Alfheim. Before he was banished to Vahanheim he ruled over the light elves. Father thinks they may know something. Or at least a way to get into the palace.”

Loki remembered the stories. He’d always been confused as to why Frey was in Vanaheim. “What was he banished for?”

“An uprising. He campaigned for the Jotnar to keep their casket and when he refused to keep his silence father stripped him of his title and confined him to Vanaheim. When he was in Asgard it was the first time he had been out of Vanaheim in centuries. I was most displeased to hear no one had thought to invite me to their celebratory feast. I wanted to ask him about it.” 

“As I recall you were invited. You were just too busy to listen.” His light tone hid the thoughts swirling in his mind. Why Vanaheim? Frey was a Vanir, but surely letting him live in the Vanir homeland was worse than letting him stay in Alfheim? Last Loki had heard they didn’t have a library in Alfheim that had almost every magical text written. “How long will you be gone for?”

The wind was knocked out of him as Thor clutched him tightly to his chest. “I will return.”

“That’s not an answer.”

“I didn’t think you would want one,” Thor chuckled. “You’re usually so eager to get me out of here I thought you would have been glad to have a few more months peace.”

“I’ve not been so eager lately,” Loki pointed out, clutching Thor’s cock in a tight grip to prove his point.

There was a hiss, threatening to bring back memories he was trying to stifle right now, before Thor was chuckling once more, clutching Loki’s errant hand in his own. “I suppose not,” He agreed. “You know, if I had thought sex would keep me in your good graces I would have probably led with it.”

Loki bit back a dozen comments about Thor’s stupidity, letting him have his moment of glee. It was over far too quickly, this time with Hogun’s steady, “We must go,” sending the both of them jumping. 

Thor scrambled about as best he could, promising Hogun he wouldn’t be long as he turned to Loki with that never ending question. “Will you come?”

“Not yet,” Loki said.

Thor nodded, fixing his boot in place. With a quick kiss to Loki’s cheek he climbed down the monstrous bed and skipped out the door. Loki watched him leave with illusions until the Bifrost swallowed him, all along wondering just when Thor had managed to worm his way back into Loki’s good books. 

Sex was one thing. But this amiable conversation that had struck up between them once more was another altogether. He knew he was an idiot for letting himself fall for it, enjoy it even because he knew it wouldn’t last. As soon as Loki went with him to Asgard there would be no more time for him. They would be back to acting like complete strangers around each other. 

It was a strong reason not to go back.

Unfortunately it wasn’t even close to the real reason he didn’t.


	20. Chapter 20

The first two months passed in what Loki deemed amiable with little to nothing happening. The third month however. 

“What is wrong with it?” Farbauti asked.

The whole royal family was gathered this time, an outing to tour the land and show off little Hron to the people ending up with them standing in front of a wasteland. It wasn’t a wasteland in the usual sense. For a land of ice there aren’t many things that could constitute a wasteland, yet here Loki was, staring out at crumbling structures.

There was a sea of water beyond, the chasms where land once stood melted and melting still. Where they stood was the beginning of the solid land, but even this felt fragile under Loki’s feet. 

“The land is dying,” Laufey said, the giant next to him affirming that sentence.

“It started a few months ago. At first it was just one of the large mountain spires. Now... “ They could see what now was. Even Loki couldn’t see and end to this pool, his sight stretching in vain for some sign of ice on the horizon. 

“Have you started evacuation?” Loki asked. The nearest village was three days from here. But if this had happened in only a few months those three days may not be enough to save everyone.

“Yes, my prince. The giants are marching to Utgard and then the villages beyond.” Getting as far from this spreading sickness as they could. 

Good.

“Is there a solution?” Laufey asked, directed at Loki now.

Loki crept forward onto the ice, cracks thumping along the wind. It reminded Loki of the time he’d tried walking along the frozen lake on Midgard. One boy had fell in, Loki would have too had he not been quick enough to outrace the cracking ice. 

He stopped before the ice got too thin, reaching his hand down into the water beyond. It didn’t feel normal to his touch. The water should have been frozen. The temperature was the same as the ice he stood on yet the water was melted. He turned his hand, trying to freeze it with a simple spell. It formed where Loki made it, yet as soon as he let go the ice once more turned to water.

He looked out onto the water once more, wondering why there was no land. Surely the land of ice wasn’t merely made of ice? There had to be land, rocks at the very least, hiding beneath the snow. Yet there was nothing. It was as if the land that should have been there had melted too.

He tiptoed back to his family. “I fear this may be beyond my capabilities.”

Laufey got that hard look back in his eyes, the one that had emerged when Loki, months ago, had said the same about the volcano. “I am sure a solution will come about,” Laufey said instead to the giant.

It wasn’t just the ice. 

When they got to the mountain lands they found rocks where great structures should have lay. People had already been felled, stuck beneath rockfalls or struck in an avalanche. The snow had caused flooding as it melted, and those who had come back were planning to leave once more.

The hills, when they got there, were dead. The grass was gone, and in its place dirt so dry nothing would ever grow here. Houses had caved in, the hills now nothing more than great big piles. The sea had dried up too. Loki didn’t think that was possible with the water he’d seen still available across the realm yet the one place where the sea was supposed to be it was gone.

Laufey was right, the land was dying, and not even Loki could do anything to starve it off. 

They turned back with heavy hearts, Laufey placing all of his trust in Loki’s abilities once more by insisting to anyone who would listen that there was a solution, they should not give up hope.

They were passing through the mountain lands once more, Loki trying to nap and starve off the headache that came from a child wailing near constantly and his father making promises Loki was going to have to find a way to keep. The cart rolled through the remaining giants starting their journey back to Utgard, stopping as someone barred their path. 

There was a conversation, Loki trying adamantly to ignore since he knew his name would be mentioned at one point. It was only when Laufey hauled him up like an errant child that he finally paid attention to the giant kneeling before their cart.

“Tribute,” Laufey explained, waving his hand at the giant to present it forward. “So you can bless their journey my son.”

“An easy trip is all we ask of,” The giant agreed, two others coming forward with something small and struggling dragged behind. “We found this in the caverns near the last rockfall. He is the smallest wolf I have ever seen, and I knew then it was meant for you my prince.”

Wolf it was. The creature was a pup, crying uselessly as it was hauled up for Loki’s approval. It would be small for giant sizes, since Loki had seen a pup of the wolves in Jotunheim and they certainly weren’t this small. He would have thought the pup Midgardian if the notion wasn’t so absurd. Then again, rifts were everywhere, there may always be one that led to Midgard in the land of the giants as well as Asgard.

The fact remained, despite the nature of this interesting tribute, that Loki didn’t know what they expected him to do with the pup. Killing it would be the most possible answer, the giants probably thinking the tribute would appease whatever deity was punishing them thus. Or-

“No,” he breathed, scarcely believing it.

The pup so far had been squirming too much for Loki to get a good look at it. But now, accepting its fate, its green eyes appealed most humanly to Loki. His eyes. 

“Loki,” Laufey grumbled, a warning snapping Loki back to the problem at hand.

“Right,” he remembered, taking the pup with reverent hands. His pup. The one he’d thought he’d stopped creating by slitting Angrboda’s throat. It looked like her magic and his were stronger than a knife when it came to creating life. “Er, how about, instead of a blessing, I accompany you myself back to Utgard.”

It wasn’t ideal from the tightening of Laufey’s hand, but it was acceptable.

He hopped down, debating for only a moment before keeping Fenrir close and joining the fray of giants. He needed time to think, and he wasn’t going to get that in a cart with his family. At least this way,  he could figure out what to do with the wolf, his son, and decide whether he really was that cold hearted as to find some unfortunate accident happen to him.

They set off once everyone had packed up the last of their belongings. Fenrir, for a wolf, was smart enough to realise he should stick with them rather than run off into the wild. It may have had something to do with the scraps of meat Loki had been feeding him. Either way, they had a follower, and the giants all took this as a good omen. 

If only they knew. 

Fenrir had more than Loki’s eyes. His fur was dark, the same shade of Loki’s hair and as he trotted beside him Loki wondered if Jormungandr had got any of his features as well. The thought was frightening to behold.

At one point Loki had to be carried. His legs were too small to keep up with the pace of the giants he was travelling with, and to ask them to wait or slow down would only be an insult to the severity of their predicament. 

It was the giant who had gifted Loki Fenrir that took him up, the pup too dangling from one of his big hands. Loki had to stop himself numerous times from telling the giant to be more careful. He knew he should have given in, it wasn’t Fenrir’s fault that he had been born. But still some part of Loki wondered if merely ending the wolf’s life here and now would save them all in the end. 

They made camp when they could walk no more, the giants burrowing themselves in the last space of ice free rock they could. Loki didn’t sleep however. He didn’t sleep even as his eyes drooped and tried to close permanently for a while. Instead he fed scraps of bone and meat to Fenrir, watching as those milk teeth made quick work of the marrow and skin. 

“I’m sorry you had to be born,” Loki said at one point. 

Fenrir didn’t look up, he was in a mood right now as the meat supply ran dry. With his back turned Loki couldn’t tell if the intelligence he’d glimpsed before was present here. Whether Fenrir could understand him. It wasn’t that hard to believe, not really. Fenrir was born of two half giants, and while he didn’t know what form Angrboda had taken to conceive the creature, the point still stood that he wasn’t a natural wolf. 

He recited the story of Ragnarok in his head the rest of the night, of Fenrir’s children chasing the sun and moon forever more, of Jormungandr fighting Thor to the death. Of Fenrir himself defeating the mighty Odin in battle. 

It was a pressing fate, and one Loki needed to avoid at all costs. 

The question was how.

He recited the story again. Then again until he was mumbling it under his breath as the sun rose. The giants didn’t take any notice of it. Since he was speaking in the Midgardian tongue they put it down to a prayer, half the giants even more eager than they were the day before to have Loki at their side.

Back on his perch on the giant’s shoulders Loki spoke it once more, and then went back to before Ragnarok. Fenrir, there was a reason he hated Odin wasn’t there? Hel Loki couldn’t help, and Jormungandr was too far from his reach to even try and speak with. But Fenrir, there was something about his tale specifically that had him targeting the Allfather at Ragnarok.

He was brought up by the Gods. Fenrir was allowed to roam free whilst he did so. Then… then they had imprisoned him. In chains. Great ones that allowed him to roam no more. They had taken his freedom and made come to pass the prophecy they had been trying to avoid. 

“Stop,” he ordered the giant, climbing off his perch. “I would have my wolf.” Fenrir was given to him, the little thing biting his arm as soon as he was placed there. 

They started marching again on Loki’s order, his little legs keeping him dwindling ever further to the back. He would catch up when he needed to. For now, as he set Fenrir into the snow once more, he let the pup roam free for a while, wondering if it was really that simple.

“If imprisonment will bring forth Ragnarok, then I will do my best to keep you free Fenrir.” The giants disappeared into the snow, Loki waiting a few more seconds before catching the pup and taking them to a bed of ice. 

It was easy to smooth it out, again and again until a mirror was made reflecting the two of them out. Loki unpacked his book, the one he always brought since he never trusted those at the palace to keep their silence should they find it. The spell was one he’d made sure to master, especially with the way things were heading these days. It was the one Frigga had used to send him to Frey, a way to move across the worlds without the use of the Bifrost.

Dangerous magic as it was, the mirror world being wholly unpredictable, Loki had enough practice that he was able to conjure the home of Alfheim with ease. Whilst never stepping foot there himself, he had watched from his room the elves scurry around their day to day lives. 

Fenrir took an interest as an elf crossed the mirror, squealing in confusion as he looked around the back of the ice mirror and saw not the elf. Loki waited until he came back before setting him in front of the mirror. “If you can understand me then I need you to listen,” he urged. “What I am doing for you is a gift. Do not throw my kindness away through stupidity. You must remain free Fenrir. Always free. Do not mistake their good nature for trust, and if you even hear of an Asgardian within your reach you run as fast and as far away as you can.”

The pup gave a little growl, Loki unsure whether his words had been heard at all as he squirmed to be let loose. He would just have to hope, and with that hope Loki thrust Fenrir through the mirror and into the warm air of Alfheim.

He closed the connection before the pup could turn and come back.

This was for the best.

He didn’t dawdle long in front of the mirror, running now, he hurried back to the giants, making some excuse about using the wolf’s guts as divination as he accepted his perch once more.

It was for the best, he told himself almost constantly on their way back. It had to be. 

If Fenrir didn’t get captured then he would have no reason to kill Odin. If Fenrir’s chains didn’t break then Ragnarok wouldn’t occur. If the Allfather didn’t know about Fenrir in the first place then there would be no reason to actively seek him out to be imprisoned in the first place.

This was for the best. 

They reached Utgard in good time, the mountain folk either joining their families that had stayed in the ice village or going to the palace to seek land they could build housing on. Those who could, already were trying to better their stay here by bartering the goods they didn’t need for those they did. 

Loki walked through it all without a second thought, his room at the palace beckoning him with open arms. Unfortunately he only managed a few hours sleep before his father summoned him to hear about any ideas he might have had on his journey back. 

He didn’t. Quite frankly Loki hadn’t spared any thought to it since Fenrir reared his head, but he did now. The realm was shrinking. What Loki knew of it anyway. According to his father there were other lands, separated by the seas that surrounded the hillfolk. But Loki didn’t hold out hope that they too weren’t experiencing anything something similar to this. 

Loki dove himself into finding out why this was happening. He consulted experts on the land, on the rocks and the hills and the ice. He looked in books, he went out again to see the damage this strange change was bringing. 

Eventually, Loki started suggesting some alternatives they could try to implant. They could move the people gradually further and further to the mountains, the hope would be that the water would eventually reach its end and replenish the land it banked against. The ideal would be the hill lands. But water would take days to get rather than hours if they ventured that far, not to mention the mountain lands were still bearing crops, the only problem seemed to be the crumbling land. 

It was considered if not agreed upon. A last ditch effort it was named, Laufey telling Loki to try harder to find a solution before they resorted to such measures. 

Eventually, Loki found the reason for the sudden change in landscape. It was in one of the books he read, a footnote left by either a peeved scholar or the author himself. In it, the casket of ancient winters was mentioned. With further investigating Loki found that it wasn’t just a source of the ice folks powers. The casket of ancient winters was merely named as such because only the ice folk could wield it, the true power of it however, wasn’t just for magical spells. 

The casket was the realm they were in. It was tied to it, feeding it strength and keeping it temperament. It was the reason sickness had increased, its absence making the people it created weaker and weaker the longer it was separated from the realm. It was the reason the crops didn’t grow until Loki came, and why even his best attempts these days seemed to reap less and less each harvest. It was the reason less babies were being born and why Jotuns never seemed to reach the immortality they were promised with the other realms. It was the reason the land was turning on itself, the land not holding its shape because it was dying without the casket.

It was a problem, and one Loki didn’t think he could solve.

Telling Laufey only had him sent to his room to look up solutions and telling the people was apparently forbidden so it wasn’t like Loki could do that. 

He was at his wits end when word came that the water was starting to reach the villages. The people they had at Utgard were suffering more than they ever had. With so many stuck in one place sickness was rife. Loki was called out every other second to attend to someone. Even then there were no promises. The death toll was getting higher, and the food the people had brought with them was running out. Even the palace was feeling the pinch of hunger in their bellies. 

Everyone but Helblindi who seemed to be getting bigger by the day. At one point Loki broke into his room to try and find the secret stash of food Helblindi kept. He didn’t find anything, and when he retreated back to his room he supposed it wasn’t his brother’s fault for hoarding food. He had a baby to look after, it was only right he had extra. 

Sleep was hard to come by, so to find himself woken by someone sliding into his bed Loki found himself less than pleased. “I’m not in the mood,” Loki said. 

“Okay,” Thor agreed, “I didn’t exactly bring oil anyway.” He pressed a kiss to Loki’s cheek.

“Did you find Frey?” 

“No.” Loki peeked his eyes open to see Thor frowning into the darkness, “The elves are trying now. I figured there was nothing else for me to do so I came to see you.” A thumb smurged itself under his eye, “You look tired.”

“I am.”

Thor burrowed in close, his blonde hair tickling Loki’s nose. “You know, if you came back to Asgard, you could stay in my bed. And in my bed, you wouldn’t have to be woken up until at least midday.”

Loki hummed, “Finally a bargain I can consider.”

“You’ll come back then?”

“Maybe.” It was certainly better than Jotunheim right now. Yet, “No, I can’t.”

“You really want to stay here? We walked through the city to get here Loki, this place… there’s something wrong.”

If even Thor could see things were worse than ever in Jotunheim then it really was the end of days. Yet, “I can fix it. I know I can.”

“Loki,” Thor berated, “I don’t think even you can do that.”

“It’s my job to try.” If he’d just stayed as the runt perhaps he could have escaped this responsibility. But no, Loki had to go and make himself crown prince. This was why he didn’t plan short term, this was why he didn’t let anger control his decisions.

Thor took his shoulder, shaking him slightly as he insisted, “It’s Laufey’s job to try. He’s the king Loki, not you. It’s his decisions that led his people here. He should be the one to do something instead of-”

The door opened, a giant rushing in. Loki had mind enough to cast an illusion over Thor before glaring at the newcomer.

“What?”

“Helblindi,” The giant panted. 


	21. Chapter 21

Loki trusted Thor would find his own way out as he scurried to Helblindi’s rooms. 

Helblindi wasn’t looking good. Sweat was beaded on his forehead, the whole family seemingly gathered, including Byleistr who must have arrived at one point. The healers were busy checking him over as Byleistr filled Loki in on what they thought was happening.

A sickness, the one that had recently been felling the city. Only, that wasn’t the only thing. “They don’t think the baby’s going to make it.”

Which explained the extra weight. 

Loki cast everyone out not long after that. The sickness was easy enough to cure, the damage it had done to his brother’s pregnancy on the other hand was something else. It was a delicate thing to work on, but Loki had learnt healing as a child, it was one of the easiest crafts he could wield. In under a few hours Loki had the two of them as well as he could get them, with one little side effect that had him calling the healers back in.

It was a long night. But by morning Helblindi had a new baby and Laufey another grandchild. They let Loki hold the little thing at one point, his brother well enough to even tease him as he tried to get a good hold of the giant baby. It was good to see him well, a thought Loki never thought he would be having in regards to Helblindi. 

Why did you not tell anyone?” Loki asked as the baby was passed to Farbauti, him and Laufey curled up at the edge of Helblindi’s chambers, looking like they were contemplating getting the child looked over again. “If the healers hadn’t figured it out you could have lost it.”

Helblindi shrugged, “I didn’t want the worry. With so many people here father needed me.” He could fill in where Helblindi wouldn’t. That he didn’t find many circumstances these days to be helpful, not since Loki took his position at the palace. With all these people streaming into Utgard Helblindi had been called on almost every hour for something or other. Skirmishes needed his attention in the lower town, the nobles were feeling unsafe so Helblindi needed to arrange guards for their doors. Laufey wanted a patrol to begin and a curfew installed, Guma was wanting some attention now their little Hron could be passed off to his tutors. Far too much responsibility and chance to prove he wasn’t as defeated as the people thought to let slip he was with child. 

“Idiot,” Loki sighed. Since Frost Giants were tough, but even Loki knew that they were still susceptible to miscarriages and complications. Loki didn’t even try and tell him all this. Helblindi knew. So, instead, Loki just stated, “You realise now that you have another child and no nursery prepared.”

His brother’s sheepish look followed him back to his room. He sank to the floor as the door closed behind him, head sinking into his arms as another sleepless night took its toll on him. It would be pointless even trying to go to bed right now. Laufey mentioned Loki addressing the refugees before he left.

“What happened?” 

Loki jumped, head bashing off the ice behind him. “What are you still doing here?” 

Thor, at least, looked like he’d taken advantage of Loki’s bed. His hair was mussed and now Loki looked he could see three small shapes huddled beneath his blanket. It begged the question where the fourth one was, right after the problem of Thor still being in the first place was addressed.

“You didn’t answer my question,” Thor said.

“You didn’t answer mine,” Loki shot back, changing his skin to pale. He stood, rubbing his head, “Helblindi’s had another child. Unfortunately he didn’t tell anyone and since we couldn’t quarantine him or take any measures to make sure he wouldn’t be exposed to anything too dangerous he almost lost it.”

“Is he okay?” Thor asked.

Loki nodded, wondering if Thor even cared or was just asking because Helblindi was Loki’s brother. “He’ll live. The baby too.”

“Boy or…” he trailed into a sheepish smile. Clearing his throat Thor had the decency to change the subject, and took the wise route of answering Loki’s question. “I didn’t want to leave until I knew what happened. I hope you don’t mind, the others didn’t see the point in waiting in an empty room.”

Loki hummed, not exactly damning Thor for agreeing to his friends demands, but not happy either. It would take twice as long to shoo them off now they had seen him. Really seen him, not just a fleeting glance. Asleep now they would have to wake up sooner or later. Which brought him back to the people in the bed. “Where’s Hogun?”

Thor looked back like he’d only now realised there was someone missing. “Oh. I think he’s using your bath. Volstagg spilled some of that orange liquid stuff and it went all over.”

Which meant there was no food left either. “Wonderful.”

Conversation drifted as Loki tried to gather what he needed for the day as inconspicuous as he could. Thor was more still concerned about what they had been talking about before Loki was dragged away. It turned out he had quite a bit to say about Jotunheim, and most of it was a criticism on Laufey.

“He should be sending all the magic users out not just you. And I bet he hasn’t even started to think about rations-”

Thor!” He sighed, seeing the people in the bed stir at the shout. “I know you mean well, but your input is not needed here. I’m handling everything he isn’t so just, focus on getting out okay.”

“He’s right,” Came from behind him, Loki real tired of being snuck up on today. Hogun was looking relatively relaxed for someone half naked in a land of ice. Unlike Thor, he didn’t seem to shiver as he moved about to find the clothes he’d strewn around. “You’re looking well,” he said when he shoved his boot on.

“Thank you,” Loki mumbled, blinking back into the situation at hand. “And yes, I am right. There’s going to be more giants coming to Utgard today. You took a risk coming last night, in daylight you’re going to have an even harder time getting out. The giants are big but that doesn’t mean they’re unobservant. They’re always looking down.” Usually because they had learned the hard way that it was a bad idea to accidentally kick the crown prince. Mostly because they had children of their own they had to watch out for. Bigger than usual as they were they were still small to a giant. 

“I told you we should have left hours ago,” Came from the bed, Sif’s head popping out of the furs. Even from here Loki could see the dismay and annoyance settle into her face. Something told him Sif hadn’t voluntarily agreed to come find Loki in Jotunheim. 

“Well that’s hardly helpful now,” Fandral said, his voice carrying over. 

Loki had to hold off from rolling his eyes. This was too surreal to be happening. “Look, I have to go, you all just figure out whatever it is you’re doing and try not to get caught. I really don’t want to be held responsible for your deaths.” He gathered his pile and retreated to the room not far from his own.

He didn’t really have anything to do. Not right now anyway, but Loki needed to get ready without people questioning his every move. He also needed to eat, something he couldn’t do in the vicinity of five hungry Asgardians.

The kitchens weren’t happy to see him, mostly because he was scavenging rations that really should have been going to the king. Thor hadn’t been kidding when he worried about the preparations Laufey had in place for this almost siege. Food had been running out even before these new giants showed up and the animals that people brought wasn’t enough to keep their stores high. If Laufey didn’t do something soon they would be looking at even more hardship than they were now. He wasn’t even concerned with the disease. All Laufey was concerned about was the palace and his image to the people. 

Staying strong, Loki agreed was a good thing to project, but unless Laufey had plans to do something he had no right to even be showing his face. 

He donned his garb just as a messenger come to fetch him. With no sleep the day was just as long as he had expected it to be. Naturally, the magic Loki had worked the night before was being celebrated to the giants here and coming in today to Utgard. Laufey was spinning it as hope to the people that all would be well, that Loki still had power enough to help them out of this mess.

It was exhausting. Even more so because Loki still couldn’t come up with any solution save getting the casket back. He was half dead by the time Helblindi called Loki back in to lavish praise over his new spawn.

“You’re looking better,” Loki noted, setting himself in the too big chair next to Helblindi’s bed. It was oddly comfortable. So comfortable that Loki found himself dozing before the baby was placed in his arms once more.

When he woke, it was to see Byleistr had returned from wherever Laufey had been sending him and holding Helblindi’s newest bundle. They were talking quietly, Byleistr handing the baby over as soon as he noticed Loki awake. “You might want to wipe your face,” Byleistr suggested, a grin wide on his face as he rejoined Helblindi on his bed.

Loki would have thought he was joking had he not felt the drool now drying on his face. 

The baby was just as heavy as he remembered, and just as fussy too. “Have you thought of a name yet?”

Helblindi shook his head. 

“Then what have you two been gossipping about?”

They shared a look, much more serious than the one Loki thought they would. Some agreement to let Loki in on it passed and with one last linger Byleister went to shut the door, making sure to shoo the guards away. When he came back, it was to drag Loki’s chair closer to the bed and hand the baby back to Helblindi.

“We’ve been thinking about what’s happening,” Byleistr muttered. “And what we can do to help.”

Loki felt a choked laugh slip out, “I hope you don’t take offence to this but if I can’t do anything what makes you think you can?”

Helblindi shared another long look at Byleistr. “It’s no secret that there is one thing that can set everything back to normal Loki. Something even more powerful than you.”

He didn’t have to think long about what they were getting at. “The casket?”

“Listen,” Byleistr urged before Loki could say more.

“I’ve been thinking a lot about this,” Helblindi said. “Even before you came I was trying to think of a way to get it back. Trade is out of the question, even with the new talks with Asgard they haven’t even mentioned reintroducing us to the nine realms nevermind giving us the casket one day.”

“It’s true,” Byleistr urged, him being the one that had been in these talks. “I don’t think they even intended to consider it. That visit, I think it was about you more than Jotunheim.”

So did Loki. “But that doesn’t mean we have the power to go to war for it back.” Since that was what they were working towards. “We barely have enough food to live nevermind go to war. What you’re proposing is unwise.”

“But not impossible,” Helblindi said. “Look. I had my doubts about you when you came, but now, I think you’re the best thing that’s happened to Jotunheim in centuries. Father was letting us waste away here. But you, Loki you helped us live again. We didn’t even have soldiers when you first came here, just prisoners we didn’t have the space to keep in the dungeons. We’re organised, we’re smarter and we’re desperate.”

“Brother,” Byleistr urged, “You must know we’re right. Your god must know too, otherwise he would have helped you solve our problem by now. You know this is the right path.”

“It…” It certainly was a path. Whether it was the right path Loki was unsure of. To go to war, Jotunheim could lose everything if they lost. It wasn’t just the losing either it was how long they would take to lose. They could be decimated within seconds if they didn’t plan this right. It reminded Loki too much of the years before they found Northumbria. The people that had little to nothing to eat from over farming. The little gold they had to sustain their livelihoods. The desperation that was on everyone’s faces whenever they met up with each other. 

But a raid wasn’t a war. A raid was over in a few days. A war… “I need to think about it,” Loki decided. “Consult and all that. I’m not saying no,” he promised. “But, we need to seriously consider what it is we’re proposing. Also whether father will even allow it.”

The mention of Laufey had the other two deflating in their seats. It seemed they hadn’t even considered what Laufey would think of the prospect of war. While he was a sturdy giant, well known for his bloodthirsty nature, that was then. This was now, and now Laufey had tasted defeat Loki wasn’t sure he was willing to sample it a second time. 

Helblindi was the one to gather himself first, a worrying look overcoming him. “You consult your gods Loki. If they agree this is our best course of action then don’t worry about father.”

Loki considered Helblindi a moment longer, “Don’t do anything stupid again. Father can forgive one assassination attempt. I doubt he will forgive two.”

Helblindi didn’t even try and deny his involvement in that first assassination anymore, just scowled and hefted his child closer to his chest. 

The air was heavy the rest of the evening, Loki growing more tired now the excitement of war was wearing off. He soon found himself bidding his brother’s good night, yawning his way back to his rooms and more than annoyed when he got in and found Thor still there.

His skin snapped pale before the others could think to turn from their makeshift card game, and while Loki would have liked to yell and ask just what kind of game they were playing at here he was too tired. He was also unsure as to whether that comment would even be answered seriously with these people.

He took a bath, everything a blur after that. 

At some point he landed in his bed, although, judging from the way the blankets were tucked around him Loki wasn’t sure he’d walked there himself. Whatever the case, when he woke, Thor and his party were gone, and as refreshed as Loki was he couldn’t help but feel a pang at their loss.

Loki and his brothers didn’t speak about their meeting when they met for breakfast. They didn’t really have time to speak even if they wanted to. No sooner had they all sat down were they given tasks to fill their day with. Helblindi, now able to somewhat walk, was to be taking things easy for the next few days. His tasks had been whittled down to mostly written tasks, notating their supplies and what the kitchens will need for the celebratory feast of Helblindi’s newborn. Judging from the look his brother shot their father Helblindi didn’t seem to think a celebration was the wisest course of action right now.

Byleistr, because of Helblindi’s ailment, was to take up some of his duties. Guma would handle the training, but the more softer tasks of inventory and overseeing the guards were his to perform.

Which left Loki with the rest of it. Not only did he have to see to the arriving giants, check on the ones already here and sit in countless meetings about things that were just the same as they were yesterday, he also had to do the things Laufey wouldn’t. 

It was difficult to find the time, mostly because his father seemed to sense that Loki was up to mischief, but find time Loki did. He stole away from his guard in the upper town, journeying to the lower and seeking out those who would listen. With words disguised as mere suggestions, omens from above even, he told them what Laufey wouldn’t. He bade them quarantine those who were showing early signs of disease, to move them to a place where Loki could see what help he could offer them. He had those with cattle seek others of similar animals and bade them see what they could do to help build up their stock. He had the scarce grove of crops that the giants of Utgard had on their doorsteps taken in and replanted while the soil was still good for sowing. He promised these actions with those of his own and the people listened.

For weeks he did the same with little reward. Even the actions Loki was taking seemed to prove ineffectual at a certain point. Those he healed were often struck again by other ailments. The people started to think this was due to the lack of tribute to Loki and his god. Little did they know that not even Loki could stop death in its tracks if it truly wished someone gone. 

The houses that were overcrowded grew worse as sudden children were born and more giants sought out a roof over their heads. The problem usually fixed itself within weeks, but by the time it did the damage had been done. The walls were growing too thin, and with so many people running around more often than not Loki was hearing reports of buildings collapsing in on themselves. Even when the buildings didn’t collapse the close proximity of so many people and not enough food led to Loki seeing one or two of them sitting in their doorways, still from hunger, some of them never moving again. 

The animals were even quicker to fall than the giants. Most often they were killed for their meat, the giants too hungry to consider the long term consequences of their actions. Milk became a rare treat, even at the palace Helblindi was finding it hard to gather enough to feed Hron. The crops Loki tried to quicken were often harvested before they were ripe, which meant food going to waste and still not enough to feed both cattle and themselves. 

Loki had never hated his wolf helm more than when he had worn it for a week straight. To take it off now was like breathing after being stuck in fire for eternity. He was dazed, tired beyond comprehension and drained from days with little to no sleep. His magic seemed like the only part of him that still had stores left to give, and why wouldn’t it? Loki barely used it, and in part it was to keep appearances. Mostly however, it was because there was literally nothing his magic could do to help at this point. Healing was barely anything, so was growing crops where he could, it was easy, childish magic and it was the only helpful magic he had to offer. 

He slipped off his ceremonial garb, almost falling into his bath when another knock came and a giant followed his way to Loki’s doorway. “The king would see you my prince.”

Of course he would. 

It was almost painful putting everything back on, and when it came to Loki’s helmet he seriously considered leaving it behind. But Laufey would probably clock him for it if he did, so Loki popped it back on his head and stumbled his way to the meeting ground. 

He felt a scream rise up in him when Loki got there and saw the nobles of the court gathered around too. This wasn’t a meeting, there was too much food and drink available. But Loki scarcely wanted to believe it was anything else as he took a seat next to his father.

“A toast,” Laufey intoned as soon as he sat. “To my son, Loki, my first born and for him why we are gathered tonight. We celebrate his efforts in helping us with our plight as well as the anniversary of his birth. For, without him we would surely be lost.”

“Loki!” the hall cheered.

He didn’t understand. Never had Laufey celebrated his birthday in the past. Last year it had been months of nothing, no indication that Laufey even remembered birthing him. Yet now, when they were in this mess… something didn’t sit right.

A goblet was thrust into his hand, the one made specially for him. The wine was sweeter than it should have been and the meat richer than was proper. They were using up stores they shouldn’t have, and as Loki looked around he couldn’t see a single person here showing signs of the distress that was outside their walls.

How many, he wondered, were hoarding provisions for themselves. Loki knew they were snakes, he was a snake himself so he recognised his own kind when they reared their heads. But before now Loki hadn’t put stock into the fact the nobles wished their own guard. He thought it was fear of unknown giants coming to their city. Now, Loki was wondering if they merely wanted someone to help them guard their secrets. 

He watched the guards and who they bowed to, saw that they too were looking suspiciously well fed compared to those who idled commonly in the palace. He looked to his father afterwards, the giant who definitely needed more than average to keep himself well fed. It wasn’t uncommon for a king to hold something back, but since Laufey had been keeping those, too, from his sons, one of which had just given birth some weeks before, it didn’t sit right in Loki. 

None of this did. 

Call him ambitious or just sentimental, but that night Loki couldn’t stop remembering his early years on Midgard. It awoke something in him he hadn’t felt since he’d been crying over the pony the village had to butcher for something to eat. The taste of its bones resonated in his mouth now, the memory so stark he forgot where he was for a while. 

The hall was quiet when he focused back into it. He blinked, his eyes dry and found everyone gazing back at him.

There was a hungry glint on Laufey’s face when Loki looked. “What is it?” Laufey breathed.

Oh, they thought he had a vision.

They weren’t exactly wrong. 

He watched his father for a moment longer, wondering how long he would wait before asking once more. A quick glance to his brothers told him not long, so Loki took a quick sip before plastering an easy grin on his face, “Good tidings father. Good tidings for us all!” 

The hall cheered, toasting again, this time with more exuberance at the prospect of Loki finally having the answers they wanted. 


	22. Chapter 22

He claimed tiredness, which wasn’t a lie, in order to slip away, and begged his brothers to help him back to his chambers. They came, both looking happy to be away from the festivities.

Once the doors were closed Loki slunk out of his clothes once more, breathing easily as he fell onto the nearest furs available. “What was that?” 

“Bribery,” Helblindi said. “They used to do the same to me when they wanted my attention. It was Aud that organised this little stunt. He asked father about your birth not three days ago. I believe he was hoping you might bestow some extra blessings on his family once you learned the feast was his doing.”

“Idiot.” His head lolled back, the furs tickling his ears. 

“Did you really have a vision?” Byleistr murmured.

Loki hummed, “Maybe. But I did come to a decision.” That piqued their interest. 

“About…?”

Loki nodded. “Let’s do it.” There was silence, the weight of what they were about to attempt pressing on them. “We’ll have to deal with father first.”

“I told you brother,” Helblindi said, “I will take care of him. Farbauti too. You just bring us victory.”

They slept in Loki’s rooms until Guma came to fetch Helblindi. By morning, while sleep was still hard to grasp Loki was at least a little refreshed. On Heblindi’s orders over breakfast Loki discarded the duties he was given and concentrated on the war they were building. He expected Laufey to have something to say about it, maybe even barge in and drag Loki to the numerous things he had lined up for him.

None of that happened. All day while Loki schemed he was left in peace. It was both unnerving and very helpful. He had the beginnings of a plan by the time his brothers checked in on him at nightfall.

“The way I see it, we have a number of problems to solve before we can even begin to start rallying our warriors. It’s not going to be a simple declaration and all out brawl. If we did that we would be dead in seconds. Instead, we need to be careful about this. Our objective is the casket, not victory over the Aesir and we mustn’t forget that.” Why stop, after all, at the casket? If they were able to get it they would probably believe themselves capable of fighting this war further and reducing Asgard to the state they should have been in the first war. 

The nobles wouldn’t be pleased when they heard about it. But then, Loki wasn’t pleased with the nobles. 

“The first thing we must do is take care of those who would stand in our way or hinder our progress. I don’t want to be ordering an assault and have the men arrive late because someone decided they wanted to prove themselves.” That went for both nobles and warriors. All it took was one person with big ideas and the whole plan could fall through. “Helblindi is taking care of father. Byleistr, you will help me with the others. We will have need of the guard. Maybe my altar too.”

They spent all night making a list, Helblindi having to leave once more when Guma came calling. Loki thought to let Guma stay, but Helblindi would have included Guma in their plans if he wished.

Come morning, Loki was woken with a knock and Helblindi on the other side with men ready to carry out Loki’s orders.

They set up the altar first, the people in the streets marvelling at it being brought out with no festival in sight. Loki bid some wide eyed hill giants to keep watch over his sacred things as they went back to the palace. Then Loki got to work.

They started with the list of nobles, the guards making quick work of the doors and guards to grab the corrupt men within. Loki gave the guards a chance to repent, and most of them made the wise choice to do so. By the time they came to the last name Loki’s retinue had grown twice fold and still Laufey hadn’t come to stop him. 

At one point, Loki thought he saw Farbauti out the corner of his eye, but Helblindi had promised to take care of him too so Loki didn’t linger on the image.

They finished with the nobles and moved onto the second list in Loki’s possession, those being the spies no one thought Loki knew about. Byleistr had been the one to reveal that little tidbit of knowledge. His talks with the Allfather and representatives from other realms had let him in on a few secrets, one of those being that Odin had certain people in place to whisper to his ever seeing Heimdall should something suspicious start up. It answered how they had found out about Loki, since as far as Loki had been told he was hidden from that mans’ sight. 

They were gathered with the rest of the traitors around Loki’s altar, and as night fell and Loki strode towards them he could see they were starting to question their past decisions.

Good.

It was nothing more than a show. Loki knew he couldn’t spill more blood here. Not when it was needed elsewhere. He just wanted to make a statement to these people, to those who had or would think of betraying him. The people watched in muted awe as Loki brought forth illusions, tormenting the people on his lists until they were begging at his feet. Only when he knew fear would keep them loyal did Loki vanish them back into their stripped rooms.

Gone, Loki addressed the people. He span it as best he could, making it appear like this was their best option, because it was. “We are dying. While most may be thinking that I am your answer you would be wrong. Your answer is the casket. I am merely the one who is here to reunite you with it. It will be hard,” It will be more than hard. Should they succeed Loki was looking at waving goodbye to that last shred of safety Thor had been offering him. 

He would be turning his back on Frigga.

But Loki had decided this. He had never truly been of Asgard just like he wasn’t of Midgard. He was Jotun. These were his people, and if Odin wouldn’t lift a finger to help them, if he didn’t hear of their plight -and Loki knew he had- and seek to help then let Fenrir have him. It was Loki’s duty to do something to help, his role in this life. 

It had to be.

He refused his memory to be that of the mother of monsters. Bringer of Ragnarok. He refused.

So he said his piece and when he was done he left in a showy display of thunderless lightning. 

Byleistr informed him the next day that the people were unsure but excited by Loki’s words. They hungered for the casket and an end to their suffering, but didn’t know exactly how they were to go about doing so.

“They needn’t yet,” Loki said. “We have much to do before we can even consider infiltrating Asgard.” Like creating an army.

Helblindi was put to the task of that. When he wasn’t doing whatever it was with Laufey and Farbauti he was out on the streets finding able bodied giants and bringing them to the training grounds. They wouldn’t be of the standard of Asgards army, but as giants they had advantages. All Loki needed of them was their drive and their strength, the rest would fall together with time. 

Byleistr, now he had some free time, was with Loki, helping him put together the last pieces of his plan. 

The third month mark of Thor’s visit came with a swiftness it had lacked before. Loki, like usual, didn’t hear Thor creep in. He was sleeping, actually, for the first time in three days when Thor’s cold thighs slotted behind his own.

“The other’s aren’t lying in wait in my bath again are they?” Loki mumbled. 

“No,” Thor chuckled, the motion rumbling pleasantly from where Thor was leaning against his neck. “How have you been?”

Loki hummed, “Is that really what you want to ask?” 

Thor gently bit his shoulder, much more amarous than last time he was here it seemed. Loki was okay with that. Another nip came to his arm, Loki jerking and letting Thor slip his own arm around Loki’s middle.

He turned, pushing Thor on his back and finding the little vial of oil Thor usually brought only a short grab away. “Someone thought I would be generous tonight.” He took it anyway, coating his fingers until they were slick.

Thor shrugged underneath him, “I thought it was better to bring it regardless of your answer.”

They shared a grin, Loki trying, for the most part, to forget that they were about to become enemies. Since they were. He had realised that days ago, and while it didn’t sit right in him he couldn’t turn his back on Jotunheim. His family was here. Maybe not Farbauti and Laufey, but his brothers weren’t half bad. So, he’d made his mind up.

He had.

His hands fell flat on Thor’s chest, the oil sticking the sparse hair there together. He felt the impatient thrusts, the way Thor was slowly shifting Loki lower but for his part Loki couldn’t focus. 

It wasn’t like it had been the last time they had been like this. The interest was there, his cock hard and waiting to be pleasured. No memories of Angrboda were staying his hand or warding him off. Instead, as he stared down at Thor’s petulant frown, Loki was stayed not by horror but by guilt. 

Try as he might to forget, to push to the side, he found he couldn’t. Not even when Thor clasped his hips in his hands, the fingers trailing in until they were lightly, questioningly brushing against his cock could Loki not look down and remember that disdain he’d been subjected to until recently. It wouldn’t just be disdain after this. Thor would full on hate him. 

“I…” He shifted, a thought coming unbidden to his mind. It would be an even bigger betrayal, Loki knew, but maybe it would tell Thor what words couldn’t. That it wasn’t anything against him as a person why Loki was going to be fighting against him. That he really had been wanting what they had lost. He cleared his throat, “I’ve been thinking, maybe we could try something new tonight.”

Something akin to excitement crossed Thor’s face. “Really?”

Loki nodded, reaching for the vial once more. Thor took it out of his hands before he could coat his fingers again. Slathering it on his own, Thor shifted Loki up until his hand could reach around. He stilled, mostly out of the assumption that Thor had been so ready for Loki to just give in. Yet nothing came, he sat there and watched as Thor shifted, moved and at one point tugged Loki further until he was sitting on Thor’s chest before he understood.

“No,” he said, reaching back and grabbing Thor’s searching fingers. “I meant me.” He illustrated his point by bringing Thor’s slicked fingers to his hole. 

“But,” Thor started, “I thought you didn’t want…”

“I changed my mind,” Loki said quickly. “Besides, it’s not like men don’t do it on occasion. My brothers take great delight in tormenting me with details of their lavish activities.”

A quick bark of laughter and Loki slowly removed his hand, setting himself still once more as he waited for the rough skin of Thor’s finger to start digging. It didn’t come, instead, Thor just stared at him a while, his fingers, again, hesitantly inching around like he was expecting Loki to strangle him any second. 

One pressed gently into his ass, the others brushing lower until they teetered over the edge of his cunt. “You know-”

“No,” Loki snapped. He was willing to let Thor do this but he would be damned if he was going into battle wondering if there was another spawn of his own making cooking inside of him. “And hurry up will you. I doubt your friends will be eager to stay in their hiding place long tonight. Not after they know they can sneak a quick nap in here.”

That got Thor moving, his hand retracting altogether only to return with a gentle urgency Loki had been looking for. 

It wasn’t bad, per se. Unusual was how Loki would describe it. He’d only once or twice fingered himself, and never in his ass, he had never really seen a point when he had something else waiting there. He couldn’t liken the two, nor could he say the two were wholly dissimilar. It was rather like the first time he’d stuck a finger up himself. There wasn’t much except an odd feeling of weird. No pleasure, his body still trying to figure out there was something in there. 

Rather, it wasn’t the feeling that had him rocking into Thor’s finger, but the idea of it. Of there being some part of another person inside of him. The sheer lewdness of it, coupled with the fact they didn’t have much time had him reaching down and taking himself in hand. 

Better. It also relaxed him enough that Thor was able to slip another finger in.

“Okay?” Thor asked.

“Fine,” Loki sighed, wishing he’d had the chance to do it the other way around before tonight. Thor had been so eager. Loki wondered why that was. Then again Thor had been eager since he’d brought the vial to Loki that first night. Hesitant, but eager. 

It was more than just commitment to his promise too. If Loki had made that same promise he knew he would have done so, but he sure as hell wouldn’t have been as ready as Thor was. He would have lay down and let it happen, but Thor, he looked like, in that moment, he would have enjoyed it to every extreme he could find.

A few more thrusts and then Thor was edging another finger in, Loki beginning to think they would be here all night. Thor wasn’t exactly small after all. One of the drawbacks to being a fertility god.

Loki wondered if Thor knew he was one yet. 

An interesting thing to muse at a different time. 

Thor deemed him ready when his fingers glided with no resistance. He pulled them out, shifting himself up until he was half sitting against the pillows. “You want to do it like this?” 

Loki considered it, this position would surely give him some control. But he felt, left to his own devices, things that shouldn’t be mulled over may come to mind if he wasn’t left to the complete spontaneity of Thor’s actions. 

He rolled off, stretching himself out on his front, one arm cushioning his head from being suffocated while the other held himself open. “Well?” Loki invited.

Thor didn’t hesitate this time. Loki barely blinked and there Thor was nudging one leg up until it curled beneath Loki’s body. His hands took over for Loki’s, a heavy gulp the only warning before Thor was stroking his cock over his hole.

They had done this before, and the tingles Loki had felt then returned now. They got stronger as Thor pushed his way slowly inside and only when the head of his cock was seated did they dissipate. 

Loki found himself letting out a large breath when Thor buried himself. The strain of keeping still, of not upsetting his body from whatever modicum of peace it had found in this position growing worse. He would have to move, or Thor would, and all Loki could think was that they probably should have worked another finger in.

A quick groan came from behind him, Thor sounding even more pained than he should in that position as he asked, “Are you alright?”

“I told you,” Loki panted, “I’m fine. If something is wrong you will surely know it.”

Another groan, then, “I don’t think I’m going to last long.”

Loki jerked, the movement sending a hiss through both of them. It wasn’t too bad however, the new angle making things slightly easier on the intrusion in his body. He passed the hiss off as a laugh when his mind started working again, shifting his lower half while he did to get used to Thor’s cock. “And there was me thinking your experience was going to give me hours of mind numbing pleasure.”

There was another hiss. “Whoever you have been speaking to has greatly been exaggerating my prowess.”

“Doubtful,” Loki muttered, remembering himself spying Thor rutting with a girl in his mother’s gardens one day. He knew the pair had seen him, Thor even having the gall to grin at him while the girl stared him down, like he was the one that was the intruder here. Never mind that he had been invited by the queen herself to be present. 

She hadn’t been pleased when he didn’t show. 

“So what is it?” Loki challenged. “Is my Jotun body that amazing or are you just losing your touch?”

There was a growl that shuddered right the way through both of them. The sensation had him curving gently until his thighs met Thor’s. Another came, softer this time, and Loki knowing Thor was just doing it to get him to press back again. “It’s been a while,” he confessed after a moment, one hand smoothing up Loki’s back.

“Really?” It wasn’t that bad now, just that odd sensation of something new and unfamiliar. “I would have thought you had a line of women waiting inside your chambers, ready to rid you of the memory of laying with me. Are you telling me the mighty Thor has lost his charm?” He tested a little more, finding the glide smooth once more. “You can move.”

Thor didn’t for a moment, Loki hearing his mind catch up with the conversation. It righted itself eventually, Loki glad Thor had the thought to grab his hips before the first thrust almost had him at the wall.

It wasn’t that Thor was rough. In fact he was quite gentle. But Loki had been subjecting himself to being rutted against for the past few months, he knew how powerful Thor was even when he was trying to be gentle. It was enough to knock the wind out of him, and certainly had him arching up once more far quicker than if he had been another man. 

Something was sending tingles through Loki’s body once more, a place inside him that had him spreading his legs wider and teetering on the edge of his knees to get higher and Thor deeper inside of him. 

The noises he was making were anything but complimentary. But considering Thor sounded like a bear grunting above him his own noises were barely heard. 

Thor’s grip changed, slipping from his hips to his stomach, that large chest pressed against Loki’s back as Thor basically climbed on top of him. His hands slid down further still, parting his thighs further until Loki’s cock was brushing against the furs, the new sensation of feather light hairs tickling his sensitive skin made him clench and writhe, needing more but from which side he couldn’t decide.

Then it stopped, Thor stilling above him and warm cum filling him up. Thor had been right, it didn’t last long. Not as long as Loki would have thought even with their talk. With another small grunt Thor pulled out, sitting on his heels as he caught his breath. 

Loki, for his part, had a moment of surrealness. His body was still, the furs still tickling, but instead of that full beat pressing into him Loki could only feel the air and the way it told him his ass was still open, trying to find what had been taken from it and letting out a steady stream of cum when it couldn’t

There was quite a lot of it, Loki figuring, once more, that Thor’s fertility status had something to do with it. Regardless, he came back to himself in a moment, realising quite quickly the ridiculous position he was in and moving forward until he lay flat once more. 

Or, he tried to. Before he could slip down and hopefully rub himself to completion he found his thighs being grabbed once more, pulling them back into their former position and a short groan all the warning he got before Thor’s mouth was on him.

Loki had certainly done that before to Thor. Sucking his cock got boring after a while, and Loki had made it his mission to get Thor to come as creatively as he could get him to, so putting his mouth to Thor’s ass wasn’t a foreign concept. The other way around however, well, Loki hadn’t allowed it. Namely because he hadn’t really gotten a chance to even begin to experience the pleasures of sex before Angrboda ruined it for him. 

He cursed her name once more for what she’d done as Loki basked in what he had missed out on. It was, “Thor, so good. 

Thor definitely hadn’t done this to another man, his clumsy hands only just remembering Loki’s cock after searching underneath it for a clit that wasn’t there. His tongue was sloppy, treating Loki’s hole like it had a slit surrounding it and seeking to encompass it all in his next swipe. But it was good. It had his legs seizing up in barely any time at all, the last thing to tip him over the edge Thor’s tongue accidentally dipping into his cunt, the rough drag having him shaking as he released.

He couldn’t move his legs when he was done, the two just falling out from under him and leaving Loki awkwardly panting into his pillow. 

Thor crawled up next to him, planting kisses up Loki’s spine until he was curled on top of Loki’s upper back.

“I can’t breathe,” Loki complained after a while. “You’re like a bear.”

Thor gave a mock growl in response, seating himself more firmly on top of Loki’s back, grinning into his skin. “Sorry it wasn’t too good. Like I said, it’s been a while.” More kisses came, each one lingering longer than the last. “Besides, no one’s first times are perfect. Something had to go wrong, I’m just thankful it was the timing and nothing more serious.”

“It wasn’t my first time,” Loki said after a moment. But how he would have liked it to be. 

The kiss this time didn’t really leave, Thor just keeping his lips on that one spot. “Our first time then. And hopefully a good omen for the next.”

“I’ll make a point to last longer than you did,” Loki teased, he could feel Thor smiling in response.

“We’ll see,” Thor wagered. “How was your first time anyway? You never told me. Mine was awful before you ask. Sif hit me.”

Loki felt some of his good mood vanish at the mention of Sif’s name. Mainly because it reminded Loki that there were things outside of their little bubble that needed seeing to. “Why did she hit you?”

“I er, may have asked something no lady of good standing is willing to do it seems. It hurt too. Then Sif told on me and Mother refused to heal it, I had a black eye for days.”

Loki chuckled, trying to recall any moment where he could remember Thor wearing a black eye. There were quite a few occasions. It started to make Loki wonder what else Thor had asked and on whom to leave such marks. 

A light slap to his ass had him glaring back at Thor, a blinding grin all he could see before he flopped back into the sheets. “You’re avoiding my question,” Thor said after another moment. “Come on, I told you mine. And we’re friends again. We did promise when we were younger we would tell each other.”

“I suppose,” Loki sighed, knowing he wasn’t getting out of it. He thought about it for a while, with each fleeting memory of terror his bliss lessening. “I- It was with a Jotun, like me, she was small, a half breed. It wasn’t good.” He left it at that.

“Not good how?”

“It just- it wasn’t good.” He sighed, “Can we talk about something else?”

“Okay,” Thor agreed gently. “How are you?” And thus started the usual array of questions. 

It felt too soon when they ended, fatigue causing them both to drift until Loki woke in the morning still to soft rumblings on his back. He didn’t move Thor, not for a while at least, and even then he made sure the prince was still asleep as he went to wash last night from his person. 

A solid knock interrupted his trip back, Loki casting eyes at the door, willing it to open and for Volstagg or someone else to come through. They didn’t and Loki hopped up onto his bed once more to wake Thor up.

“It’s morning,” Thor realised blearily. “I can’t believe they let me sleep so long.” He started pulling on his clothes, searching for his boots that were discarded at the door. He huffed a laugh, “They probably thought they could get away with another full day in Jotunheim. I’ll tell you now it’s much nicer being here than in Vanaheim.”

Loki finished tying the last of his laces, tuning out the rest of Thor’s opinion of the state of the Vanir as he reached for his dagger. 

“How about I bring you some wine next time?” Thor asked.

“That would be nice,” Loki agreed, the dagger firm in his grip. “Except, I don’t think you’re going to want to bring me any.”

Thor laughed, “Of course I will. I told you, I’m going to persuade you to come back to Asgard. If wine is how I achieve it then wine it is.”

Loki hummed absently, sending one last look to the door. Still no one had come through. “I still don’t think you’re going to want to bring it.” He sent his magic out before Thor could ask why, tendrils of rope binding Thor’s arms and feet until he was prone on the bed. He bound his mouth too, not even looking in Thor’s direction as he edged towards the door. 

Peeking out, he saw Byleistr on the opposite wall. His brother nodded once, dragging similarly bound Aesir out from the room they’d long hid in. “What should we do with them?”

If Loki had his way he would keep them confined to his chambers. He didn’t want them to suffer more than they had to. But, knowing these people for years he knew how unwise it was to leave them unbound and with luxuries that could easily help them escape. “Take them to the visitors rooms. My visitor’s rooms. I want ice shackling them as well as those restraints the hillfolk have for keeping errant cattle. Don’t let anyone rough them up and have someone trustworthy looking after them. If I find they have escaped or bargained with anyone in Jotunheim before their use is through be sure that my wrath will be something you’ve never imagined.”

Byleistr nodded once more, hefting the four Asgardians like they were nothing. Loki saw the linger looks of betrayal, shock even, on their faces as they took note of Loki’s blue skin. These eyes he gladly met and returned in kind with an unspoken promise to behave. Then he went back to his room and fetched Thor, doubling his magical restraints when he felt the man already beginning to test their strength.

“Don’t hate me,” Loki muttered, grabbing Thor and carrying him to the rooms of which he’d spoke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm away, again, so this is the only chapter for a while :( sorry


	23. Chapter 23

They were the chambers set aside for Loki’s victims. Perfect, really, for five Asgardians. The walls were solid, Loki enforcing them himself to withstand the strength of giants. The shackles here, although they had never used them, were made from scrap metals hoarded from a time before the war. Rumour had it they came from the Dwarf forges themselves, and Loki didn’t doubt it when he saw now how they kept Sif from slicing Byleistr’s throat out. The room was comfortable too, and while food and drink would be hard to come by just like the rest of Jotunheim’s people, they wouldn’t be as uncomfortable as they would be had Loki just thrown them into a dungeon.

“Be good,” He warned them, ignoring the free curses flung his way as he closed the door onto them.

Byleistr was waiting on the other side, falling into Loki’s slow gait as they walked away from their prisoners and up to more important matters. “Was that really necessary?”

“Yes.” No matter how much Loki hated it. “We need a way to get through the Bifrost. If we have merely declared war the Allfather would bring his troops to Jotunheim and slaughter us on our own terf. With the Asgardians in our grasp the Bifrost will need to be opened in order for Odin to get them back, and once the Bifrost is open it doesn’t exactly have a limit of how many people it can carry. So long as we make sure the Asgardians are mixed amongst our people we can get a good troop up there, slaughter the gatekeeper and keep it open for the rest of our army.”

“Clever,” was Byleistr’s only comment.

They spent the rest of the day in talks with Helblindi, asking after how the recruiting and training was commencing. The people of Jotunheim had heart it turned out. Barely any persuasion was needed before Helblindi found himself swamped with giants eager to lend their efforts to the war.

“If they think they have a chance of getting the casket back it’ll be hard finding people to stay in Jotunheim.”

The training itself was basic. Helblindi was focusing more on how to use their height and strength to their advantage than anything too fancy. It would be difficult should they encounter a skilled opponent, but so long as they stayed in a group at least one of them will be able to fell such a person before they had a chance to do any real damage.

“What news of father?” Loki asked. He felt like he’d been asking that a lot, but Helblindi still did not let him in on what he’d done to subdue him.

Like now. “He is willing to allow this to happen.” Nothing on how he was, or even what he’d said, just that he was allowing Loki to continue this suicide plan.

Regardless of his curiosity Loki didn’t press further. 

Around supper, he had most of the meat cut off for himself divided between Helblindi and his prisoners. His stomach protested, but since Loki knew he would be feasting on better things than days old elk he put aside the complaints for now. 

“I will bid you goodnight brothers. Make sure you check in on the prisoners. Both of you, before you retire.”

He did so himself, not taking any chances with the Asgardians. The platter of meat was almost too heavy in his hands, the giants always cutting him the same amount they did himself these days. Wine was almost a commodity these days to get a hold of, yet somehow Loki had found a stash, and when he let himself past the guard into his makeshift prison he found the barrel near empty.

“And there was me hoping you would try and conserve it,” he greeted, setting the meat down within reach and scurrying back before one of them could grab him. “You might want to take your time with this. I don’t know when I’ll be able to bring you meat of this portion again.”

The five of them glared at him, none of them even making a move to take the plate. Sif eventually broke the silence, another once over of his skin having her sneering, “You know I always thought there was something wrong about you.”

“And I applaud your intuitiveness.”

“Loki are they making you do this?” Thor asked, cutting through whatever scathing remark Sif was going to say. “If they are you know I’ll help you. We can go back to Asgard.”

“And we will,” Loki agreed. “Just not right now.”

“Loki,” Volstagg this time, “Are they making you do this? You can tell us.”

“Why? Because I just have to be that pathetic to not have a mind of my own.” He knew Volstagg didn’t mean it that way, but the fact they still thought Loki so weak he was subjected to another man’s will, that they always thought that even before his supposed ‘kidnapping’ had never sat right with him. The wrong time perhaps but Loki thought there would never be a good time to seek the vindication he wished for. “So you know, this was my idea. And no, they didn’t threaten me, and no this isn’t just a disguise,” Since he was sure Thor had tried to spin it that way. “Your incarceration will hopefully be swift so long as you cooperate. You don’t and you may find your stay here less than pleasant.”

“You’re threatening us?” Sif laughed. 

Loki didn’t rise to her bait, just waited for her to be finished before nudging the plate further in their direction. “Don’t do anything stupid.”

He left, not breathing easily until he was safely back inside of his room. 

He got his things together fairly quickly, packing his spell book in case someone decided to come rifling through his things alone with a few daggers. Changing his skin, he conjured up a mirror, muttering the spell that was practically sewn into his eyelids at this point until the summery plains of Vanaheim came into view. 

The heat was already pressing on him even before he stepped through. It had been too long since he’d been anywhere but Jotunheim, and on Jotunheim even the summers in the hill lands were fairly cold. 

He pulled his hood up, cursing himself for the necessity of it as he started towards the twilight lit streets of Vanaheim’s capitol. 

It had changed since last he’d been there, No longer did people walk about freely, in fact, Loki only saw two people his whole journey into the main square, and they were finding shelter as fast as they could. 

He didn’t know where he was going. Frey’s palace would have been a good start, however Loki knew the Alfheim elves were busy trying to break in. Should they see him, while they may not have met him in person, everyone by now probably knew what description to look out for when hearing of the ‘kidnapped’ Queen’s pet. 

So instead Loki found himself the next best thing and went to where the ale was flowing.

It turned out even that was more subdued than last he was here. When Loki spied the hall he’d frequented on his visits with Frigga he found barely anyone inside save the master and his family. They gave him food and wine when he asked for it, but their demeanor spoke of removing Loki from their hall as quickly as possible. Reason why being there was a meeting tonight.

“Ah, just what I came for actually.”

He got what he needed from the master, journeying with him when he went on his way. 

The meeting itself was held in a house nearer the edge of the city. It wasn’t large, the people for the first time since stepping foot here, actually standing in the streets in order to hear the topic of choice for the evening. 

The speaker was absent, but Loki didn’t have to resort to searching as just as he fought his way to the front a hush fell over everyone. The man Loki had heard rumours about wasn’t anything special, he’d lost whatever muscle he’d once possessed and now looked as haggard as any madman would as he started raving about Ragnarok. 

“The serpent needs to bury itself under Midgard. We must find the wolf and chain him. We must-”

“Excuse me,” Loki cut in, waving his hand until all eyes were on him. “Not to put a pin in your plans but I’m afraid the instruments of Ragnarok don’t exist.”

The man laughed, “Not to worry my friend, we have seen to that. Angrboda-”

“Is dead. I slew her myself.” He yanked his hood down. “I don’t know if you know me, but my name is Loki. You tried to get me to start the end of all worlds.”

There was a certain pleasure in watching the blood drain from someone’s face. Even more in the people around him shying away as whatever stories they had heard of him reared their heads. He stepped forward, bringing himself to the foot of the man’s stand. 

“I think we should talk don’t you?” 

He didn’t wait for an answer, just let himself into the house he’d come out of and made himself comfortable. The food was better than anything he’d had in the past few weeks, the fruit melting in his mouth and the wine… Loki might just steal some to bring back with him.

The man wasn’t too far behind him. He seemed to be walking in some kind of daze, hoping Loki wasn’t real as he sat down in the nearest chair available. “You’re really here,” the man said.

“I am.” He flicked his fingers, sending the utensils not in use into non fatal area’s of the man’s body. “That’s for sending Angrboda.” He wished he could do worse. He would do worse he promised himself. But for now the man had his uses, so Loki merely left it at the utensils, watching with glee as they slowly reddened as the man debated whether to take them out or not.

He didn’t, and for the rest of their time together Loki was able to take pleasure in the long line of red that grew worse and worse. 

Loki stayed as long as he needed to hash out the details, and when he left the crowd was still waiting. They parted for him when he passed, most of them out of fear, others because the man wasn’t far behind Loki, and as soon as they saw the damage that had been wrought they made the wise decision to remove themselves from Loki’s path.

He wandered as far as he needed to find a reflective surface. Then, with one last look at Frey’s palace, he stepped back into Jotunheim. 

It worried him again that night, just how Midgard had learned of his name. It deprived him of sleep to the point where he was reading his magic book until morning. He set to work as soon as it was deemed acceptable, scavenging in the kitchen for scraps to take to his brother. 

Helblindi and Guma were awake when he checked, only too glad for Loki to take little Hron off their hands as they tried to get their new one to quiet down. Loki told them to take their time as he woke Byleistr his brother grunting awake as Loki took Hron to check on their prisoners. 

“You have to be nice,” Loki said, not really having to reach down anymore to grab Hron’s hand. It was rather disconcerting to almost be of a height to a child that was barely two. “And don’t try and be smart.” By that Loki meant don’t charge the Asgardians. 

Loki didn’t even think Hron understood what Loki said, concentrating too much on his feet as he moved them one in front of the other. He ended up stomping, laughing at the noise when they reared up to the door.

The guard on duty gave them a curt nod, telling Loki nothing had happened as he opened the door for them. Hron stomped his way in, laughing once more as he wandered his way over to the brightly coloured ornaments Loki had kept inside. 

The five Asgardians were just waking, and hadn’t took Loki’s advice on the meat. He lamented as he picked it up that he would have to find food for them now. The glares were still in place as Loki checked the restraints and reinforced the walls. Volstagg was the only one with a modicum of curiosity as he watched little Hron adventure in this new room. 

“Sleep well?” Loki asked.

He got three sneers for that, even Thor not as kind this morning as he turned his back pointedly on Loki. 

“How long do you expect to keep us here?” Volstagg asked. 

“As long as I need,” Loki said, “As well you know if you have been listening last night.”

“I have a family lad,” Volstagg appealed. “If this is your way of tormenting me in order to give up some kind of information know that it’s working.”

“No information.” Although it did soften Loki a little to his plight. “Don’t worry, like I said, you behave and you’ll be back in Asgard in no time.”

He called the guard in to come get the empty barrel, promising water at least as he stopped Hron from climbing the walls. 

“What do you want with us Loki?” Sif asked. 

He didn’t answer, struggling quite rightly as he tried to carry his nephew. Readjusting his grip he relayed the real reason he was here. “I thought you might like to know Frey’s dead.”

The silence this time was absent of hostility, Thor turning back around to see him. “How could you possibly know that?”

“I asked.” It hadn’t taken much persuasion to find out what had happened. The man, Kvasir, had been delighted in fact to impart this knowledge. “You wouldn’t know who he is, but, he told me Frey was dead and I believe him.”

Gerd had escaped by the skin of her teeth, hiding while the Vanir broke into the palace and dragged Frey off. Kvasir took him to the veil that separated Vanaheim and Muspelheim. Beaten, and without magic as his aid, Frey was left to his fate that should have befallen him at Ragnarok. If he still lived, Loki hoped he was in hiding, if not, he hoped it had been a quick death, nothing like the battle Loki had heard in childhood between Frey and Surtur. 

“The palace is locked because Odin has not come.” If they hadn’t believed him before they did now. Everyone knew that Frey’s palace was to be put on lockdown by the Allfather’s powers should Frey be deposed. Frey’s position in Vanaheim was dependent on his obedience to Asgard. He was in a place of power, separated from his sister and father to guard the magic that dwelled in the palace. Odin wasn’t going to let those secrets go to anyone but who he put there personally, and Thor knew so.

Loki left him to persuade his friends too as he took Hron out and to his daily meetings. 

The Asgardians were more compliant after that visit. The full two weeks Loki had them trapped there they no longer hissed insults at him. Either, it was out of fear that he had been behind Frey’s demise, or they were just doing what he said in the hopes they would find an opening to escape. Loki thought more the second as he readied the last of his preparations. 

The night before they were to declare war on the most powerful realm in the nine Loki grew tired of Helblindi’s evasive questions and went to find Laufey. He at least wanted to see the giant before they set out, yet when he got to his father’s rooms he wasn’t too shocked to see them empty. 

Helblindi was feeding the newly named Atla when Loki found him, Hron trying to climb in his lap for some attention. 

“Father’s dead isn’t he?” Loki guessed.

Helblindi didn’t even hesitate, “Yes.”

“And Farbauti?” since Loki had seen him lurking around the palace.

“Won’t stand in our way. Like our bearer’s sire Farbauti will stand down now his position in the household relies wholly on you.”

“So I’m king,” and have been for a while it seemed.

“If you like.”

“Fair enough.” He left Helblindi to it. 

He managed to sleep that night with barely any interruptions, and when morning came, Loki donned his wolf helmet, changing out his robes for the crude armour that had been crafted for him. He packed his book, and at the last minute the helmet Frigga had gifted him all those months ago before going with his brothers to fetch their prisoners. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I rewrote fifty pages, FIFTY PAGES of this thing, because I wasn't happy with how it was. So, if updates are slow, just know it's because I have to catch up to the pages I lost so I don't leave you all without a conclusion. Which, in this case, seems to never be coming.   
> There's so much yet to write.


	24. Chapter 24

The Asgardians, as if sensing today was something special, were already awake, Volstagg looking like he’d been testing his chains, or had four other Asgardians to help him from their sweaty brows. 

Loki handled Thor himself, whispering magic to help him keep Thor subdued as his brothers made quick work of the others. Thor didn’t put up much of a fight, not right now anyway, and following complacently as Loki led them out.

There was no one left in the palace, everyone assembled outside. They were all lined up, the troops and giants that would be left behind, they were already damning the Asgardians and cheering Loki’s name as they journeyed through the mass to the edge of the city. They probably wouldn’t get a response today, but Loki hadn’t been expecting to let loose the troops at their first point of contact. This was just a sporting chance for the Asgardians really. Let them prepare for their inevitable defeat. Since Loki wasn’t losing. 

He bade his brothers to stay back with the rest of the prisoners as he led Thor forward. They came to a clear patch of snow, Loki spying even from here the way the ice was eroding on the horizon. He didn’t know how, or even if he would be heard, but Loki tried to remove whatever cover he had permanently over him and called up, “Heimdall!” He hoped Thor was at least in view. “Tell the Allfather we wish a meeting with him. If he declines his son will be slaughtered in response. He has three days to formulate a reply.”

He dragged Thor back, his magic keeping an iron hold as they made their way back to the palace. Hopefully, Heimdall had seen what Loki needed him to. If not Thor then at least the Warrior’s Three and Sif.

The way back was just as bad as the way to the meeting point, Loki tense all the way up to releasing them back into their prison.

“Is that it?” Helblindi asked when they shut the door on them.

“Just wait,” Loki counselled.

They didn’t hear word on the first day. Nor did they the second. Odin seemed to be waiting to see if Loki would carry out his threat. The third day dawned with Loki getting up earlier than usual. It was still dark outside, as he tip toed through the corridors to the Asgardian’s prison. He let himself inside, not surprised to see all of them still awake.

“Ah Loki,” Fandral droned, “Come to drag us out into the cold again.”

“Odin has not answered my demands.” 

“Good,” Sif spat.

“Not good,” Loki countered, reaching into his robes to grab his knife. “I don’t want to but I need to make a point. I’m sorry Thor.”

Realisation dawned, a heavy acceptance lying on Thor’s brow as Loki drew close. He didn’t use magic to hold him down, nor did he keep him chained. Thor deserved a good death and these walls wouldn’t let him out if Loki didn’t want it so he undid the chains, expecting the hit when it came.

He rolled with it, the two of them falling into their easy stances, Thor not wasting a second as he advanced, hitting, kicking, fighting with everything he had to avoid Loki’s knife. He wasn’t always successful, Loki nicking him in places. Only, one feint wasn’t as successful as the last, and Loki soon found himself being hit until his vision blurred, that strength that weeks ago had been used to bring pleasure bashing him into the wall. 

Thor didn’t kill him, just left him bloody on the floor, grabbing Loki’s knife and helping his friends out of their bonds. The walls didn’t stand a chance against all five of them, neither did the guard, because while Loki said they would hold if Loki wanted them to, well, Loki didn’t want them to.

He spat out blood when he thought them a good distance away, stumbling to his feet and using what magic he could to speed up his healing. His brother was waiting for him when he got to the door, offering an arm that Loki gladly took, the two of them hurrying to catch up with Thor and the others.

They were already half way through the city, Loki yelling at them to stop and watching them speed up. Byleistr ran too, navigating the empty streets until they were almost upon the Asgardians. 

They would have caught them had Thor not called, “Heimdall!” and a big beam of light shot down to pick them up. But then, Loki didn’t want to catch them, he just needed that bridge open, and sure enough it was.

Helblindi took his chance, charging from his hiding spot with his band of warriors in tow to be taken up the rainbow light and to the realm beyond. Ten of them made it through, and Loki waited with baited breath to see what would happen. 

There was nothing. For what felt like an age there was nothing. Then the bridge opened once more, the rest of Jotunheim’s army stepping through.

“Back to the palace,” Loki ordered, Byleistr stopping in his tracks, hesitating only a moment before doing what Loki said.

They got to Loki’s room, the mirror Loki fashioned appearing before them. With whispered words and ignoring the shocked stare at his back Loki conjured Vanaheim. He sent a blast through, a signal to them to attack the elves there on Odin’s orders. They would do what he said. He hoped. He’d promised them what they couldn’t achieve, a chance to avenge the raiders that went to Midgard, and here they had it. It was just like their prophecy too, Loki arriving with words of Ragnarok, and while he didn’t sail on a boat of fire to attack the Allfather it was as close as they were going to get. 

Done, he changed the image again to Asgard, namely his old abandoned hut. “If the bridge is still open use it to join Helblindi. Otherwise wait here with the second wave and wait for my orders. Hopefully I will get the casket. If I don’t…” They were dead either way.

Byleistr nodded, his words evading him on what could be their last meeting. Loki didn’t mind, just spared one last look at the world that he’d made his own and stepped into Asgard. 

He didn’t change his skin this time, just walked the familiar route until he came into the path that led to the Queen’s gardens. 

The palace was almost abandoned, most of the troops sent to fight the giants at the Bifrost. Loki changed his form to stop there being anymore bloodshed regardless, slithering his way into the heart of the palace.

He had never been inside the vault, but Thor in their old days had shown him the door and the way there. A mouse helped him slip through the crack that led under the door, the guards not even looking down, and on the other side, Loki just changed back. 

The treasures inside were worth their value. Never had Loki felt such power in one place and as he strolled through he wondered what would happen if he took just one thing for himself as well as the casket. 

There was a nice looking glove that Loki wagered he could shrink to fit his hand, and over there a wicked looking blade he would undoubtedly make use of. He eyed all of them up on his search, keeping a mental map of where they were as he delved deeper and deeper into Asgard’s vaults. 

It was only when the temperature dipped that Loki knew he was getting close to the casket, and quickening his step, it wasn’t long before it came into sight.

Loki had never seen the casket before outside of drawings and descriptions, and for that he was saddened. The casket, this beautiful thing, Loki should have seen it as soon as he came to Jotunheim. It was beyond awe inspiring, and the magic that crackled from it twined with his own until he was drunk on it. 

He reached for it, his finger grazing the surface as a clang caught his attention. A metallic soldier reared his head, bigger than any Loki had seen in Asgard. He remembered, vaguely, Thor telling Loki about some magical guard, and cursed his own stupidity for not recalling it until it was slashing its way towards him.

No matter. Grasping the casket Loki soon froze the soldier in his place, the magic just soaring out of him as it did what Loki commanded. 

Ooh, he liked that.

Keeping it close, he magicked it to a place only he could reach before changing his form once more as the sparse soldiers left in Asgard heeded the commotion the metallic soldier had raised. 

His four paws scurried along the edge of the walls, diving beneath plinths and around doorways until Loki, once more, was free from the palace. He didn’t dare change into his normal form, not yet, and instead grew wings that carried him back to the hut he’d once called home. 

Conjuring a mirror, he didn’t waste time going to help his brother, and instead flung the casket from whence he’d hidden it through and to Jotunheim. The mirror darkened, Loki keeping it on hand as he raced through the trees and towards a spot that would be seen from the Bifrost. He sent a bolt of green fire into the sky, shaping it into a wolf. Hopefully his brother would see it, that he would listen to Loki’s words instead of trying to reclaim a victory they never would achieve on this day and retreat home. Loki certainly was.

Turning to the mirror once more, Jotunheim appeared before his gaze, his finger over the threshold when something pierced through his stomach. 

He saw the edge of the spear imbed itself into the ground, Loki’s body falling with it, the mirror darkening and shattering to the side. He-

He couldn’t breathe, a mix of bile and blood blocking his airways as it tried to figure out just why his body wasn’t working how it should. His magic was trying to shift his form, to find a way to close up or discard the foreign object and keep him living. As for his mind, he was still staring stupidly at the spear, the ground before him too, and trying to figure out what was going on. 

He-

He-

Feet appeared in his vision, boots the like Loki had never seen before. They weren’t a giants feet, and they actually looked rather familiar, by that he meant the shape at least. Confusion drifted over his addled mind, answers trying to seek the right questions as the feet became knees and then a face. His face.

“I think it’s time we had a talk,” his double grinned.

Loki felt magic hit him and then saw no more. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short chapter but I kind of want to put an end to this one here and finish this story up before publishing the rest of it. So, if you're desperate for another chapter you may have to wait a while. But I promise, it is actually being written and I will finish it. I have the ending in mind, so, thank you for reading it so far :)


	25. Chapter 25

When he woke there was no sign of a spear in any of his person. Nor no wound to indicate such a thing had happened at all. He was in a room he was unfamiliar with, the room cold despite there being no ice in sight. The bed was soft, and small enough that Loki could fit comfortably on it without rolling over and seeing miles and miles of mattress. 

He rose slowly, still unsure as to the nature of his wound, but save for the tiredness that was to be expected, he was fine. No aches, no pains, no surprise hole in his chest that decided to pop open. It had him immediately suspicious. 

He set his foot down onto the floor, his bare toes marvelling at the wood beneath them. It had been too long since he’d felt wood, not since the hillfolk’s land became uninhabitable. Standing, he gently ambled his way to the window where fruits were laid out on a table and a view would hopefully give him a better idea of just where he was. He didn’t fear poison as he took his fill. If he was to die, the man who struck him would have merely left him, so Loki let the hospitality of his host fill him with strength, trying to workout as he did just what he was seeing. 

It wasn’t Jotunheim. Neither was it Asgard. Loki ruled out the land of the dwarves and fire demons simply because he couldn’t see any down in the courtyard. Neither were there elves. The Vanir Loki mused on for a while until he could see no trace of fire on the horizon. Then mused again as he wondered just how long he had been here for.

A prickling at his back told him he wasn’t alone, Loki wondering, “Where are we?” as he watched the people below scramble about to the sound of bells.

“Have you been away so long that you’ve forgotten your first home?” Came his own voice. His double sidled up next to him, no, not his double, for while there were features that were the same there were also others that were not. 

“We are on Midgard then?”

“Wessex, and over there is London. It’s beginning to become somewhat of a capitol in England.” 

“England?” He’d never heard of this place before. 

“The kingdoms united under one rule a few centuries ago. Don’t worry, save a few things nothing much has changed in this merry land,” his double grinned once more.

“And we are here why?” 

His double shrugged, “I thought it best to take you somewhere familiar.”

“Familiar is about eight hundred miles that way.” He hadn’t thought about the state of his village in years. Memories of it came and went now and then, but thinking about the actual changes that will have happened since last Loki was there… it was unfamiliar even when he visited with Thor. 

The other seemed to know this too since he corrected his earlier statement, “I thought it best to take you somewhere you wouldn’t care about. Things at your old home… I didn’t want you asking about things that you might not get answers to.”

He looked over this England again when his other finished, seeing the indents here and there of where his old people had made impact. There were still changes here, whether it be a style of dress, a weapon or even the curve of a child’s face. It wasn’t wholly Wessex anymore. Yet still those trembling spires survived, even bigger now and Loki bet with mouthwatering treasure inside. 

“Why not Northumbria?” Loki asked.

That pensive look came back onto the man’s face, “The same reason I didn’t take you to Norway.”

A thing to consider at another time. 

He popped a few grapes in his mouth as he finally turned from the window, giving this strange man all of his attention now. “So, what do we need to talk about?”

“Later,” the man waved away, guiding Loki by the elbow until they were walking through the fort, and Loki recognised it as a fort now, to a sitting area. He took the chair offered, curling his legs underneath him as he waited for more information. It came with the man handing over wine and, “I think introductions are in order.” He intoned the goblet Loki’s way, “My name is Loki.”

“I gathered.” Since it only seemed fitting they share the same name. How else was fate meant to torment him after all? “So are you me, or are you just a Loki that looks, sounds and acts like myself. Don’t tell me, you’re my father.” And if there was a smidgen of hope that leaked into his voice so be it. 

The other Loki laughed however, and broke gently, “As delightful as that would be I’m afraid not. Who knows who sired you. Me on the other hand- well, I’m just a wanderer.”

“One with my name,” And much more he was still waiting for answers for.

Loki, other Loki, made another shrug, directing the conversation back to, “I guess you want to know what happened to your little stint in Asgard?”

Actually until that moment Loki hadn’t even thought about it. “I got the casket,” Loki remembered, he’d managed to do that much.

“You did indeed. Threw quite a wrench in my plans by doing that as well. But again, more on that later. You will be happy to know your brothers are fine, your sire as we speak is setting Jotunheim to rights. The Vanir on the other hand. The Allfather has directed his wrath towards them, I believe the capitol has been razed. The bodies are still piling up, and the only thing that so far has been saved is the palace. But, then that was what you wanted isn’t it?”

Loki didn’t deny it. The whole reason he’d involved the Vanir was so he wouldn’t have to worry about them. Kvasir was too much of a wildcard to leave unchecked, and if the Allfather got wind of the stories he was telling Vanaheim then Loki was looking at worse than certain death should he cross paths with him. No, if the Allfather knew of Loki’s name he would hunt him to the ends of the earth, he would make certain Loki would never again call one place home and imprison him somewhere vile in the hopes that his continued survival would ensure Ragnarok’s starvation. 

Therefore, Loki had no other choice but to deal with those who knew of these tales. He sent them after the elves, and after that through a veil that would lead them to Asgard and into the fray. Should any of them survive they would be killed once the battle was over, and those left behind would be left to suffer Odin’s wrath as Jotunheim once more fell from out of his reach. 

No survivors. No story to tell. No imprisonment for Loki.

“You are quite the mischief maker,” The other Loki noted. “No matter how much is thrown your way you refuse to let things play out as they should.”

Loki shrugged, “What can I say, some of the best mischief is just watching chaos unfold.”

“Your Asgardian friends are well,” other Loki said, “Battered, but well. The Queen has been asking them non-stop about you.”

“I bet they’re not saying anything pleasant.” No matter how pleasant Loki had tried to make their stay.

“No they are not.” 

Other Loki told Loki all about the state of the realms after his little rebellion. How Jotunheim was claiming him a hero. How Helblindi was beginning to inspire even more giants into considering a full blown war rather than just the small scuffle they had engaged in. 

Loki would have to burst his bubble when he got back. This war wasn’t even a war. Odin may make it into one, hostilities between the realms would grow tenfold but what they had just fought was a fight at most, nothing like the gathering of grand armies and long months of warring that a real battle was. 

Still Loki had to be thankful that at least Helblindi had listened to the instructions Loki had first given for their endeavor. If he had continued to fight instead of turning back their victory would have been for nothing. 

He heard of Asgard. How the Bifrost was being given more security as Heimdall was called into questioning. How Frigga was torn between her homeland and Asgard, wanting to help but turned down at every opportunity by her husband.

He heard all this until it got dark and other Loki sent him to bed, claiming that Loki needed his sleep to help him heal. Really, he felt like a child that had stayed up past his bedtime, chided only when the one watching him found they had something better to do with their time. 

He went anyway, curling himself under the covers until he heard his hosts footsteps fade to nothing. He gave it a few more seconds before sliding out and shifting into a mouse. There was a colony of mice ready to greet him when he crawled into the little hole they had made, and after a few quick chirps they helpfully directed Loki to where other Loki did most of his talking. 

It wasn’t much different from the area the two had been talking most of the day. The chairs were just as uncomfortable and the table was laden with food, but what did mark this different was the large desk that sat at the edge of one wall. 

Loki scampered over to it, using magic to speed up his climb to the top. Once there, he marvelled at the scrolls and sheets of parchment before him. It wasn’t just what was written it was what they were written in. Loki had the luck of being taught Allspeak by Frigga, and as a consequence was able to not only pick up languages spoken but written too. If he couldn’t he wouldn’t have lasted a day as crown prince of Jotunheim. Nor would he have been able to look at what he was seeing and be able to know wholeheartedly he was staring at the Jotun language. Asgardian was on sheets further below. Below that was Midgard, that strange mix of letters he’d only seen in ‘bibles’ now right in front of him with names of Thor and Odin integrated into their text. 

He took one, reading quickly over the words there before draggina another and another forward. When he finished, he stacked them how they were before and scampered back to his room, curling under the covers and wondering just what he was doing here.

The other Loki woke him early the next morning with an odd pastry the Midgardians were fond of and a promise to let him walk around the town since he’d been so good. 

Not begrudging some fresh air, Loki gladly accepted both offers and changed his skin to blend in as other Loki started them on their way. There was quite a lot to see, almost enough to distract him from the papers from last night. There was something called a bakery where other Loki had bought the bread they ate this morning. Over by the church there was a patrol of guards with strange weapons in hand that Loki was still mulling over as they circled back around to the fort. Just before they got there other Loki pointed out the brothel, asking quite frankly if Loki wanted use of it before they went in. “I’m guessing Jotunheim’s eligible youth weren’t exactly to your tastes,” he said with a pointed look to Loki’s small form. 

Loki declined, if only because he didn’t exactly understand what a brothel was. 

When they got back inside, Loki being allowed to strip himself of one of the many layers other Loki thought were necessary to blend in, he was brought back to the sitting area, an uneasy silence filling the room once more as they tried to navigate around each other.

Loki was the one to break the silence, his curiosity overriding his common sense. “Who are you? Really? Where do you come from?”

In answer, other Loki looked at him a while before his skin shifted, and in moments Loki was looking at a giant that would have put his father to shame. 

“You’re Jotun.” More than that judging from the markings on his forehead. He was of Laufey’s blood. “You are my brother?” Loki guessed, seeing Farbauti’s mark there too, the only thing Loki didn’t have himself.

“I am who Farbauti wishes you were,” other Loki corrected. “Unfortunately, only one of us was born in Midgard, the other was left to the mercy of the Aesir.” He shifted back, shrinking until he was almost Loki’s double once more. “Farbauti had me years before the war ended. I can still recall fleeting moments of bloodshed in my memory before the Allfather took me to Alfheim to stay with Njord.”

“He was kind I take it.” Since if he wasn’t other Loki certainly wouldn’t be here.

“They named me Skrymir, as if the new name would wipe the stain from my blood. And while it wasn’t unpleasant I had been ripped away from my true home.”

“So you sought vengeance,” Loki gathered. “You hoped when you grew that you could reclaim your title as first born and lead a great victory over the Aesir who wronged you.”

“You’ve very perceptive,” Skrymir noted.

“No, I just read your papers last night.” He could see a hint of annoyance at his privacy being breached rear its head, but it soon sated. “A very interesting tale. In fact, the exact ones that have been haunting me for years. Tell me, why exactly have you been trying to ruin my existence? I’ve done nothing personally to you. And if you try and hold the throne over my head know that you could have come and claimed it at any time.”

“Honestly?” Skrymir shrugged, “I wanted to see if I could.” 

Loki only minimally stopped himself from lunging across and strangling his so called brother. He understood the appeal of messing up someone’s life, in fact, he’d done so himself on occasion, but Loki was, like everyone, a hypocrite. He didn’t like a taste of his own medicine, especially when this medicine came unprecedented. “Why? You didn’t even know I existed when I first heard wind of these rumours.”

Skrymir shrugged again, “That is true. But then, it’s never been about you. Not until recently anyway.” He went on to explain, and that itself was a journey.

Loki was familiar with the concept of fate. He knew that, odds were it was impossible to stop. Even knowing about it was merely just a part of fates plan, a way for the person themselves to set their end in motion. 

Skrymir had been taken from his parents when he was ten years old, far too young to be away from them, yet he had the capability, like Loki, to remember things a normal ten year old would at that age. He remembered that he had been a prince, no matter what the elves said to him, and that his parents were rulers of the losing side of a war. He remembered he had a little brother on the way, one who, he was told, had died on Midgard. He remembered he wasn’t an elf, even if his skin changed and soon he pretended, like he had been taught, to never bring up his other heritage. 

Njord wasn’t that bad of a father figure. He hated Odin just as much as the Jotun’s did. As loser in his own war he had been stripped of his title, torn away from his children and forced to live in a land that was not his own. He also had a wife that was Jotun, Skadi herself more than welcoming to little Skrymir, and even more worried, on his behalf, of what would happen if he didn’t try and adapt like she did. 

They brought him up as best they could, teaching him the magics they recalled as well as the theories they knew, hoping his education would give him a better chance in life. It was one of these theories that caught Skrymir’s ears. The theory of Fate.

According to Njord, he didn’t believe the Vanir, nor the Jotun’s, ever stood a chance against the Allfather. He claimed Fate was in Odin’s favour, that no matter what they did there was no way they could have stopped him because Fate would merely twist the outcome to Odin’s favour. Skrymir had been fascinated with this idea, that there was something so powerful it could go against will itself and so started looking into it. 

It started innocent enough with reading, but, like anyone with an obsession, they wished to see for themselves just how it worked. One such theory that Skrymir had heard of was the theory of spoken prophecy. He had learned that often, when someone hears something is inevitable, they will go out of their way to prevent it and end up causing it anyway. For example, the Vanir had been told that Odin would be their downfall, so, in retaliation, they started a war with him, and Odin, who before that hadn’t spared a thought to the Vanir, grew hungry for the power they wielded. So, in essence, Odin was their undoing, but it was the Vanir’s actions that reared Odin’s head and therefore their downfall in the first place.

“Which is when I heard of you. Or me,” Skrymir said, since Loki remembered, his name too was Loki. “It was Farbauti that named me Loki. No doubt those Midgardians that found you heard Laufey mention my name in passing and thought to name you thus. Either way, we are named the same, and because of that I didn’t know at first that it would be you the stories would take hold of.”

Skrymir had heard, once the peace had settled, that Odin in his time in Midgard had took the opportunity to gain himself even more power. He didn’t need the riches or the trade with Midgard, children as they are to the other realms. But Odin had liked their admiration. He filled them with stories of his people. Of Heimdall the ever seeing watcher. Tyr his right hand. His lovely wife Frigga, and his newborn Thor who had caused a storm to rage as soon as he took breath. He’d returned home with the name God, and hadn’t rescinded it since.

He’d also set off a chain of events that even the Allfather should have taken a closer look at. The stories, it seemed, were drawing from a power the Norns had only possessed before then. Skrymir believed that perhaps they grew tired of making their own fates for the beings of the other realms and left these children to come up with them instead. That they found appeal in the elaborate tales and made them true. Whatever the case, Skrymir found, the longer he listened to them the more truth he found in the worlds he knew. Take Thor for example. The child had been born in a storm but that did not necessarily give him the power over thunder. Only the highest powers there were could do so, yet Thor has grown up and grown into this role that the Midgardians had given him. He is, essentially, a God of Thunder. The skies warped to his temperament and his will. He also, it has been said, had the power to help people get with child, either by his own seed- which Loki didn’t want to think about at all, not the act nor how Skrymir knew for certain this was true- or by his blessing. Other things were true too, although Loki may not have known them to be so. Balder was, in fact, Thor’s brother. 

“While some things about the tales are untrue, as you have discovered, there are integral parts that remain the same and will, eventually, come to fruition.”

Frigga, gifted with the power had foreseen a tragic end to her first born. 

“First born?” Loki had always wondered.

“Frigga did not birth Thor, as much as she would have liked to. The Queen has only one child by blood in Asgard. The others are Odin’s, taken in by the Queen’s kindness.”

So Frigga, knowing Balder would live a sad life, had hoped to spare him some of his sorrow by removing him from the palace. She hoped, without the position of prince on his head, Balder could stop a bigger target forming over him.

Skrymir laughed, “It will all be for naught in the end however.”

When Skrymir had learnt of this power the Midgardians had over the Norns he’d hoped to exploit it for his own gain. He’d given them his name, Loki, his birth name, and told them a tale of lies about the gods. The game had been to see what would happen, whether the Norns would sense mischief afoot and ignore it or whether he would see it come to pass. 

He did it again when nothing seemed to happen. Then again, spinning tales of the mother of monsters and God of lies. He’d created this story of a being so powerful he shaped the God’s lives themselves without need of the Norn’s interference, and twisted the already known tales so they included this new God in them. He created it all, waiting to see if he would be allowed the power this creature he’d told possessed in the hopes he could go home, could reclaime everything that had been taken from him. 

Only to find the Norns had created mischief of their own. 

They must have known, they had to have known, that Skrymir was interfering, and instead of giving him his wish they decided to punish him. Instead of Skrymir being elevated to the status of a God, they gave these titles, these powers to his little brother, the runt undeserving of his name- Skrymir’s words.

“Killing me won’t help you,” Loki said. The Norns would merely remove Loki’s destiny altogether. No matter what, Skrymir wouldn’t get what he desired from them, and his brother knew this. “So what is the game? I work for you? I destroy everything? You realise Ragnarok is the end of everything, not just Asgard. You would kill yourself and damn your soul to Helheim if you continue down this path.”

“But I would also kill them,” Skrymir said, which seemed to be the crux of it. So long as Odin suffered Skrymir didn’t seem to care what happened to himself. 

“And if I say no?” 

Skrymir shrugged, the two of them knowing there was barely anything anyone could do to fight fate if it had decided something. Loki, imprisoned here, was merely stalling his fate, not preventing it. So long as he lived, it didn’t matter what happened, the story Skrymir had told to the Midgardians would pass one way or another.

“So why take me? Why tell me this? Your plan would have happened without you kidnapping me.” Or impaling him, something Loki was still sore about. 

“True,” Skrymir agreed. “But I thought it was best to have you all filled in. Especially for what I have planned for you.”

That didn’t sound promising, and before Loki could ask he was hurried away once more to his bedchamber on the supposed excuse of ‘rest’.

He stayed in his room that night. Fatigue had fallen over him from his walk, and Loki figured it was best to replenish his energy in case he needed to fight his way out of this situation. While he didn’t think Skrymir wanted to hurt Loki, save for the impaling, that wasn’t to say what he had planned wouldn’t be unpleasant. Loki could feel in his bones the luck that had kept his head afloat all these years was quickly running itself dry. 

The Norns were truly a sadistic brethren.

He didn’t wake until well into the next day, not even Skrymir seeming to think it was prudent to get Loki up. When Loki did wake, it was to no sign of his captor. He ate little, lounging the day away in a confused silence. 

It was evening when Skrymir came to see him. By then Loki had figured out the ins and outs of this fort, and was currently eyeing up a cart he thought he could smuggle himself out in. His so called brother didn’t waste time with pleasantries today, in fact, he seemed to be in some sort of hurry as he banded together the Midgardian clothes he’d procured for Loki as well as the rags he’d torn from Loki’s body upon arrival. 

The bloody strips of cloth were flung his way, Skrymir ordering to, “Put those back on and keep your skin pale. It’s time for us to leave.”

He played along, reviling at the crispy furs and tattered cloth. He looked a sight when he spied himself in the basin, one made worse as Skrymir hauled him out with a bruising grip. His brother, unlike Loki, didn’t know about the secret ways between the worlds. Not the mirrors anyway. Instead, a boat was waiting to take them to their destination, making Loki, once again, wonder how long exactly he’s been away. 

He had a crew, the Midgardians chatting merrily with Skrymir as they started their course along the sea. They gave Loki a few wary looks, most of them muttering witch in that strange language Loki only now could understand. Mostly they left him alone.

They switched boats days later when they encountered new land. It was… somewhat familiar, and only when they started on the waves once again did Loki realise where they were going. 

“They’ll kill me,” Loki hissed. “You take me to Asgard and they’ll kill me.”

Skrymir sent a wry smile Loki’s way, “You underestimate me Loki. Keep your skin pale and everything will be fine.”

They came upon the narrow pathway, the men even more excited as whatever riches Skrymir had promised them seemed to be coming true. The startled gasps as they reached the other side would stay in Loki’s memory for a while. Mostly because of the screams that followed. As soon as Skymir had got his breath he was on them, pushing them out or stabbing their skin. At one point he abandoned weapons altogether, changed into his Jotun form and froze them until they shattered in his grip. It made Loki wish he’d made a jump for the cart.

Unfortunately, even as he argued he could escape now, he didn’t. Curiosity had always been Loki’s downfall, and while he knew death was waiting for him when they docked the need his brother had for him to stay alive stayed him from running. Faith in his brother’s plan wasn’t exactly what Loki would call it, but, Loki didn’t exactly understand what it was Skrymir wanted from him in the first place, and he figured playing along until he got somewhat of an idea wasn’t going to hurt him. 

Much.

Before the oars started up once more with magic Skrymir turned to him, with a few swipes of his large clawed paw he tattered Loki’s skin until it was just as bloody as the clothes he had on. 

Naturally, Loki acted on instinct rather than brains and was trying to bite through Skrymir’s skin before another hand could get to him. The scuffle barely lasted a moment. While Loki could hold his own, Skrymir was willing to fight dirtier than anyone else Loki had encountered. With a few spells Loki wasn’t expecting he had ropes tying Loki to the mast and another hand flying to Loki’s head knocking him out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost done. Not sure yet if I want to write a sequel or just leave it how I'm intending it, so expect the rest of this story- completed- probably this or next week. :)


	26. Chapter 26

He woke to the world spinning and someone softly carding their hands through his hair. It must have been disgusting, Loki himself could feel the blood caking and running still through it, yet the hands didn’t dissipate, just worked themselves through the knots again and again. 

He couldn’t see more than the floor, his head too heavy to lift right now. But he could hear, and the voices speaking had him shivering where he lay. 

“Odin!” Frigga snapped, the hands, her hands, stopping for a moment. “You can’t honestly be considering his offer.”

“They have the casket,” Odin hissed, his voice near enough that Loki was wondering how he hadn’t noticed the second presence heating up his feet. “Unless we want war we have to.”

“It’s extortion.” She shifted Loki higher onto her lap, the floor blurring beyond comprehension once more. “Besides, we have the resources they don’t. It needn’t even become a war. We could take their casket back and plunge them once more into darkness before they even gathered their army again.”

There was silence, then, “I haven’t seen you this bloodthirsty in a long time Frigga.”

“Vanaheim is up in flames, my son has been held captive, Loki… turn that man away Odin.”

Odin sighed, a shuffle ending in feet appearing in Loki’s view. Odin’s one eye followed, a hand waving in front of Loki’s eyes, a hand Loki wished he could follow if only so he could ask what they were talking about. “You should take him to the healers before he wakes fully. A beating like this should be tended to.”

“I can handle it,” Frigga snapped.

Odin sighed once more. “I can’t speak to you like this.

“But you will. You keep me out of these talks like you did for Vanaheim and I will take Thor and leave.”

There must have been some agreement, because Loki found the ground moving as someone lifted him and set his head buzzing again. 

When everything cleared he must have slept once more since he couldn’t remember at all what happened between being lifted and now. There was also the fact he was staring at the dawn of a new day rising behind the window. 

There was no one in the room with him, and for a moment Loki thought he was back on Midgard, back in Skrymir’s fort where no Asgardians or Jotuns would think to look for them. But then he saw the familiar gold doors that led to the wider healing halls. He was on Asgard. Safe. Or so it appeared.

His wounds and head seemed sufficiently healed as he stood, the billowing night shit they had put him in almost otherworldly regardless of his healed skin. He’d forgotten how light Asgardian clothing could be, and the more he inched towards the door the more he longed for the clothes he’d left in Jotunheim. 

There were no guards on the door, and no one else further than the door too. Regardless of the time of day Loki should have been seeing more than himself inside the healing halls. At least two or three courtiers if not the healers themselves as they sought balms for their ails after too much drink. Yet no one appeared, so no one could really stop him from wandering out into the wider halls of Asgard’s palace.

He took a direction he was familiar with, watching almost constantly for any sign of life. Yet not even when he got to the hall that led to Thor’s private chambers did Loki see a single soul. 

He was beginning to worry. Magic, he knew, had uses beyond simply calling things to his will. Illusions he knew, were very effective interrogation techniques. While he doubted Asgard used them, he wouldn’t put it past Odin to trap Loki inside of one. The old man, it was said, was known to break the norm of Asgardian protocol if he saw fit. 

This could be an illusion. If one was very powerful, or very experienced, they could create a whole world that looked and felt like the real one. They could trick those trapped inside until the interrogator gained what they sought. 

Loki himself had managed to make a few of his illusions solid on occasion. Usually, it was to spy on others. He didn’t mind getting caught, in fact he made a point to with the nobles in Jotunheim. It made it worth it to see the look of fear on their faces when Loki just seemed to vanish after they tried to chase him down. 

The handle under his palm gave way fairly easily, Loki sending a quick flicker of magic into it to see if he could detect any such mischief. 

He couldn’t, which just made the question plaguing his mind rage all the more. Where was everyone?

He drew himself a bath, figuring even if this was an illusion he should make the most of it. He didn’t have the guts to break into Frigga’s rooms, but Thor had a bath that was just as adequate. 

The cool water soothed his warm skin, and calmed him slightly from the pressing issue at hand. He let himself lie there, basking, until he’d tired of even that and decided to leave wet footprints all over Thor’s chamber. 

He swiped a knife when he got to Thor’s little armoury, remembering his own that he still didn’t-

The book.

He hadn’t wondered what had happened to it. Did Skrymir even take his pack? He- No. There was just the clothes on Loki’s body, that was all he saw. Or all Skrymir was willing to give back. 

Loki hadn’t really sensed any big magic energy coming from Skrymir when they were together. Not like he got from Frigga, or even Odin. Even Frey felt more powerful than Skrymir. But if his brother had been brought up with Njord, he’d basically told Loki he was given an education, one that included magic. If he was truly powerful he could hide his presence from Loki, and he didn’t have to be powerful to read the book. 

The knife cut into his skin, Loki licking the blood quickly away as he took it by the hilt and raced out of the palace. There was still no one there, no matter how far he ran there was no one. Not even in the square that led to the palace steps were there people. It was like Ragnarok had come, wiping the Asgardians away and leaving Loki to sow the seeds of this new life.

He had other things on his mind right now than that however, catapulting himself over the abandoned goods and into the woods. He had went to his hut. He remembered going there. Then there had been the warning to Helblindi to pull back. Then- he was- 

Here. He could have sworn he was here. Yet for the life of him Loki couldn’t see his pack anywhere. It had been on his person when he was here. Or had it? Did he throw it through the mirror? Everything was sort of a blur in his mind right now. He didn’t even remember if he had his pack with him. He should have. He brought it everywhere. But for the life of him Loki couldn’t remember if he’d placed it somewhere safe while he raided Asgard.

He searched the grass regardless frantically, combing over every blade in case he placed some sort of illusion on it. His nails quickly coated themselves in mud, that nightshirt he’d been placed in growing heavier as he piled more and more dirt onto himself.

He didn’t know how long he had been there. It was either long enough for whatever illusion Odin had cast to see it’s uselessness, or whatever had kept Asgard abandoned finished for the day as Loki found himself back into reality being dragged from the dirt. 

“Loki!” Thor shook his shoulders, and not for the first time it seemed. 

He stopped himself struggling, the look on Thor’s face telling him not to be difficult as they made their way back through the trees and into the newly populated square. Loki barely even saw them as he passed, his feet struggling to keep up with the pace Thor was setting. They got to the palace eventually, Loki’s panic giving way to anguish as Frigga rushed him from some hiding place. 

He heard himself sobbing, clutching her just as hard as she was him. He’d tried so hard to keep that damn book safe. He’d placed spell after spell on it when it wasn’t in his possession never thinking to do so in case he got separated from it when it was within his possession. He’d been so stupid, and now he was here, in Asgard, not knowing what was going on or what was going to happen to him. They were probably going to execute him. He didn’t know. He wasn’t certain. Just because they healed him it didn’t mean they weren’t going to kill him. A healthy body was much easier to torture than a broken one, and Loki had vast empires of knowledge to give the Asgardians. 

He was also just, tired. 

Sure, he’d slept. But for who knew how many years now Loki had been living in a constant state of unease and all that eventually weighed a person down. So, Loki just, he didn’t really feel like he had to justify himself as he left himself bask in the one person that appeared happy to see him. 

They ended up in Frigga’s chambers, someone trying to scrub the dirt out of Loki’s fingernails while another kept his feet planted firmly on the floor and not on the lavish sofa where he could ruin it. 

Frigga hadn’t let go of him the whole way up, and didn’t now as she kept Loki close, answering some question Thor was sending her way that Loki was trying to concentrate on. His ears took a while more to cooperate, and by then Loki feared that the conversation was long over from the place he’d been wanting to listen in on. 

Odin, thankfully, was nowhere to be seen, but Loki didn’t see that as a blessing since Thor looked mad enough to put the Allfather’s terrifying presence to shame. 

“I lost the book,” Loki mumbled when an opening came. 

There was a deafening silence, Frigga’s hand the only indicator he had when she realised what he was talking about. “Don’t worry about that,” She said. 

“I tried,” Loki said anyway, needing her to know. “I swear, it never left my side and then- Skrymir- I think-”

“Loki,” Frigga insisted. “Don’t worry about that. As soon as you docked Odin went searching for the book. It’s back in his personal collection as we speak.”

“So he didn’t…” 

She shook her head. “Apparently it was found in your house. Odin thinks Skrymir went there before taking you away. He said the place looked newly disturbed.”

What Skrymir could want with Loki’s cast offs eluded him. There was nothing of value there, and if Skrymir had truly went to Loki’s hut he must have been the one to discard the book there. 

Before he could dwell on it further he found his face lifted from its stare to his nails once more to stare at Frigga. “Now Loki,” She made a few shooing motions, her handmaids that were attending him leaving with a bow. “This is very important, and I understand if it’s hard, you’ve been through a lot. But I need you to tell me what happened. How did you meet Skrymir?”

“What’s he told you?” Since he wasn’t that out of it not to wonder what happened while he was unconscious. Some talking had taken place, he distantly remembered Frigga being upset about something someone had posed to her. It could only have been Skrymir. 

Yet Frigga shook her head, “We will get to that. I just want to know how you met him. Did he come to you in Jotunheim?”

Loki shook his head, “I think he was in Vanaheim. He must have travelled through the veils, or Njord told him how to get there. I can’t think of any other way.”

“Vanaheim? Are you sure?” She pressed.

“Mother this is ridiculous,” Thor piped up, Loki jumping when he remembered he was there. 

Frigga shot her son a dark look, quickly focusing back on Loki. “How did you meet Loki? Did he offer you something?”

He felt himself choking up again as he remembered what Skrymir had to offer, that sick game he’d been playing on Midgard that had been ruling Loki’s life since he’d been born. “He impaled me. When I woke we were on Midgard. Why? What does it matter how we met? What business did he want with you? Did he threaten you? Did he-” tell her about Loki? About what he was going to do the longer he was left alive. Maybe execution would be a mercy after all.

“Loki,” she soothed, “It’s okay, we’re all fine.”

Thor let out a rather unconvincing snort at that comment.

Loki chose not to hear it as he asked, “What’s going to happen to me? Am I going to be executed?”

“Of course not,” Frigga snapped immediately. “What gave you that idea?”

Another snort from Thor followed, Loki agreeing with this one wholeheartedly. “I committed treason. I stole the casket. I led an army and killed…”

“Twenty three,” Thor filled.

“Twenty three men in the process.” He went over that again, “Twenty three, is that all? How many giants did I lose?”

Thor didn’t answer him just looked at his mother and mumbled, “Told you.”

“Yes, thank you Thor,” Another stern look had Thor finally relenting, sitting himself down for the first time since entering Frigga’s rooms. She turned back to Loki, “You aren’t going to be executed. Regardless of what some people want an agreement has been struck between Asgard and Jotunheim. One that should keep the peace between us,” this she directed at Thor once more.

“An accord?” Loki repeated, his wits gathering about him the longer he was soothed out of his worries. “On whose authority?”

The hesitation was all Loki needed to know that his place in Jotunheim was no more. King he had left, exile he was once more. It was beginning to make sense why his brother waited until the battlefield to make his move. 

“What are the terms?” Loki asked.

“The terms…” Frigga stalled. “We shouldn’t really be discussing them. Not at this stage. Peace they have promise to bring but with this new evidence I think we can renegotiate with Skrymir.”

Loki was shaking his head before she had finished. He saw now why she was asking how they met, whether Loki had invited Skrymir into his plans or whether he had been forced into them. Neither one of them mattered. “Regardless of how it happened, Skrymir is now king,” Of that Loki had no doubt. “Whatever terms you have agreed upon can’t be talked about again.”

His brothers wouldn’t stick up for Loki. In Jotunheim it didn’t matter how someone became king just that they were king. Loki had brought them victory, but now they had it what use did he have for them? Especially if Skrymir says he bested Loki in battle. Someone powerful enough to unseat him will undoubtedly get twice as much respect as Loki had once wrought. 

So Loki asked Frigga once more, needing to know the conditions of his surrender, “What are the terms?”

It was Thor that answered him, a hissed, “Marriage,” filling the air between them.

Loki’s first thought was, “If you so much as mention Sigyn in your next sentence I won’t be responsible for my actions.”

Thor snorted, gaining another glare from Frigga, “I wish it was Sigyn.”

Maybe it was Thor’s tone of voice, or maybe it was the fact that Loki could read more into the resentment on Thor’s face than he thought possible, but suddenly Loki understood very clearly what they meant when they spoke of marriage. “You can’t be serious.”

Yet Frigga didn’t show any sign of joking. “It’s the best solution that was proposed. This way the bloodlines will be united once more and neither side will have cause to war with the other.”

“Of course we have reason to war,” Loki spat. He looked to Thor, “You can’t have honestly accepted this arrangement?”

Thor’s misery was answer enough. “It’s my duty to my people,” He added anyway, petulance tainting every word.

“To Hel with duty. You can’t force me into marriage, or Thor. I’m a free man, I marry who I wish and since when has Asgard even known to arrange a marriage like this?” The only experience Loki could draw upon when it came to a situation like this were the ones he heard about in ‘England’. Those Christians would do anything to gain a piece of land or power, including selling their own daughters. It was abhorrent, and Loki refused to be used in such a way if he had a way out of it.

“Skrymir was actually the one to suggest such a thing. He said,” And here Loki was unsure whether Frigga knew the thoughts in his mind, “That Midgardians were known for marriages such as these. If it serves them well, it may serve us too.”

“I will not do it,” Loki said. 

Thor huffed a laugh from his seat, his eyes anything but kind even if Loki was arguing just as much for his sake as his own. “I always knew you were selfish Loki, but this? You made this mess, you broke the peace that had been between our realms for hundreds of years, it’s only right that the least you can do is solve it by sucking up your pride and doing the right thing.”

“The right thing is executing me. Fetch the axe, I will have my head from my body before I lower myself to this arrangement.”

“Well it’s lucky for us you have no say in it,” Thor spat. “Your brother has already signed the treaties as well as conducted the binding ceremony. The only thing left is an acknowledgment to the people.”

“Binding…”

“You were out longer than you think Loki,” Frigga said. 

Now that he concentrated he could feel something off with his blood, like it had been tainted. He knew with what if Thor and Frigga were to be believed. It looked like Skrymir knocking him out had more uses than merely stopping from from swimming away. When Loki saw him again, he was running a knife through him. 

“Then I will walk away. I’m not going to acknowledge a marriage I had no part of.” It was within his rights to walk away, yet something told him before Frigga even opened her mouth that it wasn’t going to be as simple as how it usually was to end a marriage.

It seemed, she explained, that Skrymir hadn’t wanted to take any chances. It had taken some coercion, but he eventually got his way. Loki was bound by magic of the Allfather’s doing, and only with both of them having the wish to end this marriage would it occur. Until then, Loki was stuck with Thor. Stupid, noble Thor. 

Even if Loki wanted to be difficult after that he found he couldn’t. With death firmly off the table, something Skrymir had taken painful consideration to make sure of, if Loki wanted to live as comfortably as he could in Asgard he had to play along. Now, Loki was willing to give up a lot. He could comfortably stay in Asgard’s dungeons, regardless of his hate for them. He could even stand to be paraded through the streets, his blue skin out in the open and for everyone to see. He could even, should it come down to it, withstand torture for information. But Loki drew the line at his magic and they all knew that. It was why it had been laid out first. That if Loki didn’t cooperate he was looking to spend the rest of his life confined to a chamber with his magic bound. He didn’t doubt they could do it, or that they were willing to strip his magic away. He was, quite frankly, surprised they weren’t going to do it anyway. But then, this whole marriage thing was meant to be a way to broach peace between the two realms. Peace, of course, needing to be achieved through both parties putting on a show of friendship rather than one of them being bound in servitude to the other for the rest of their days. 

When Frigga had managed to finagle Loki’s agreement she left him in her chambers to rest, taking Thor with her with the promise to check on him later. He didn’t stay down long, as soon as he was sure she was down the hall he was at the windows, the doors, anywhere that might let him back outside. 

They were warded, he found. Frigga was taking no chances with Loki. So he went searching for another way out, one he found quickly in the knife Frigga had forgot to take with her. He wondered if his own was somewhere amongst the palace. Skrymir hadn’t given it back, so maybe, like the book, it had been returned to his hut. 

It didn’t matter, he thought the longer he stared at this one, nothing did. He didn’t waste any time with sentimentality, just raised it, struck, and stopped before it hit his skin. He tried again and again until his hand was aching from holding the knife so hard but Loki couldn’t do it. He couldn’t kill himself.

Self preservation was a stupid thing. He cursed it a thousand times over as he flung the knife away and collapsed into the sofa behind him.

All his Midgardian life he’d been taught the value of Valhalla. It was an honour bestowed only to the worthy, and Loki, young as he had been, had believed in that whole heartedly. It looked, regardless of what he’d learned, that this belief still held true. His mind refused to allow him a cowardly way out, impressing on him, the longer he lay there, the sweet victory of achieving Valhalla if he sought death a different way. It would be the biggest insult to everyone around him. That someone like Loki. Lowly, scheming Loki, had been granted the highest honour.

So death would come, his mind whispered, just later than he liked, and making sure he had no loose ends on this realm when he left.

That last one kept him ticking in the hours Frigga was away. He wasn’t going to forget Skrymir’s plans, nor Loki’s part in them, that he promised. 

When Frigga finally came for him Loki was docile. He let her lead him to his new chambers, one with Thor’s things already strewn across the floor. He let her show him what was what. The new clothes they had made and were having made for him. The bathing chamber that Frigga made sure Loki knew they had included a setting that would soothe his Jotun skin instead of scalding it. The bed that Frigga almost glossed over, and then didn’t when she seemed to realise, like Loki, a marriage wasn’t exactly a solitary affair. 

“I’m sure the two of you can come to some agreement,” Frigga hedged.

Loki had to stop himself from balking, choking out a “Sure,” as he moved them onto some other part of the room.

He hadn’t really thought about the whole bedding thing. Nor the fact that Thor might take others. He supposed, on Asgard, it might be common for a man to take more than one person regardless of his marital status, but for him, loyalty had been impressed upon him. Unless it was in a raid. But raiding had always had a different set of rules than everyday living. 

Then again, this wasn’t an ordinary marriage. Without both of them taking each other because of love amendments were surely to be made.

“Oh, I almost forgot. Skrymir left you a present before he left for Jotunheim,” Frigga said, bidding him to stay while she went to fetch it. 

He cursed Skrymir all the while she was gone. Part of him had hoped his brother was still around. He would have liked to see him, maybe slice his ankles. Yet fate was working itself once more, either that or Skrymir knew Loki wasn’t going to be playing nice anymore. 

He was rather disappointed when Frigga did return, namely because she was empty handed. “It’s a bit hard to move it up here at this time,” she excused, telling him he would certainly see it at the ceremony.

Speaking of, no sooner had the topic been broached did Frigga tell him about what was being planned for noon the next day. 

Apparently they were going to wait until next week for it. But since Loki had woken earlier than anticipated they wanted to show the people Asgard’s newfound solidarity with Jotunheim as quickly as possible. 

Everything had already been prepared. Right down to the last detail. All Loki would have to do was turn up, look happy, and not cause too much trouble. Something Frigga managed to say with a knowing smile rather than the derision anyone else would have had for him. 

She stayed with him all night after that. Loki didn’t know why, he’d done terrible things to her and her realm, and yet here she was, sitting patiently while Loki looked his fill over his new chambers. 

She asked him things on occasion. Like what Jotunheim had been like. What happened to his father. To his brothers. If he’d made any friends while he was there. He didn’t quite know how to answer her. Like every word of him enjoying himself was another betrayal against her. 

It was lucky then, that he hadn’t much to say. His fun in Jotunheim had ran short no sooner than she had left, and those last few weeks the only good things Loki had to say were about his nephews. 

“They’re sweet,” He said. “Hron always had his hands in everything. And the new one cried a lot, but he’s new so, I guess he had a right to be fussy. It wasn’t like Jotunheim was thriving.”

She hummed, finishing one plait in his hair and moving onto another. “I did think that was strange.”

“What was?” Loki asked.

“Jotunheim. I understand the need for the casket. But, Odin swore, still swears actually, that Jotunheim shouldn’t have reached that state for a good millenia.”

“Really?” that was interesting. 

Loki didn’t doubt the Allfather’s knowledge. If he said Jotunheim should have lasted a Millenia then Loki believed him. It begged the question then, just what, or how, did Jotunheim get to that state Loki left it. 

“I suspect some kind of tampering,” she cast a pointed look at Loki.

“Not of my doing,” and Frigga actually believed him. But, “Did it have to be purposeful magic?”

She considered that a moment, “If you’re talking about all those tricks you were using then I doubt that would have done anything more than wear out the soil. Focused magic would have had to be employed to make the land die like that.”

Loki could practically see Skrymir’s name written all over it. He didn’t know how, maybe he’d told a story to some Midgardians, but he’d managed to move Loki into action, to draw him out and do the dirty work so when the time came Skrymir could return in the place he’d believed his birthright. 

“Could one person do it?” Loki pressed.

She considered that too. “Maybe someone with your skill. Otherwise? I don’t know of anyone advanced enough to perform magic of that kind alone. No doubt they most likely had help.”

Farbauti had been awfully quiet for someone with their spouse murdered. It was like the pieces were slotting themselves into place. Skrymir, the son Farbauti had always hoped would return, would get rid of the one he hated in return for some magic to be done. 

It made his rage burn all the more brighter the longer little instances fell into place. The absences of Farbauti from the palace, the pretence of visiting the outer realms for baby things. Loki, had he not seen Helblindi’s devotion to Loki in the slaying of their father. Byleistr on the other hand… Loki would think he too would be on Loki’s side had little instances not pricked his mind.

Like when they met. Byleistr had been the one to bring Loki to Jotunheim. At the time, Loki had thought the wording of Byleistr’s speech had been so he wouldn’t give away his identity should Loki deny him. Now, Byleistr saying ‘brother’s’ instead of merely brother was starting to have a different meaning. As was his quick acceptance of Loki. Then there was the fact that it was he that thrust Loki into Asgard. He could have let Loki run to the mirror himself, and he hadn’t exactly been too shocked at his blatant use of magic. 

He stewed even after he had nothing else to say, letting Frigga’s gentle hands, once more, soothe his worries away. He dozed, waking to an empty room. He had to make sure he wasn’t still on Midgard before he went in search of food, that stint Skrymir pulled really weighing on his mind. 

Alas, they were on Asgard. The land where the food was divine as well as the people. It looked to be early morning, which answered why no one had come to get him yet. Then again, would anyone even come to get him. He was the Jotun, the monster, here, perhaps he was meant to fend for himself. 

He took a bath anyway, wiping what the handmaids from the day before couldn’t and dressing in the clothes he found the day before. After that, well, it was a long wait until noon.

He passed it well enough. His so called tricks always kept him amused, and when they didn’t, he had the view of the realm eternal to watch. From his new room he could see right into the heart of Asgard. The view was a bit different from the one in Thor’s room, just off by a few houses, but close enough for Loki to know Frigga hadn’t moved her previous son too far from his old quarters. Still, no doubt the move had been less than pleasurable.

Just as Loki thought he had been forgotten, someone came for him before the sun reached its peak. They didn’t even knock, no doubt getting word from Frigga that he may still be asleep. Well, he hoped that was what they thought, otherwise he was starting off his new life as Thor’s husband with people who didn’t even respect his station. He’d had enough of that in Jotunheim.

The servant didn’t care much for the clothes Loki had picked out. For his wedding anyway, as he quickly went back and retrieved, no doubt, pre planned garments. 

He slipped into them without bother. He’d promised himself he wasn’t going to put up a fuss. Not anymore, not when it didn’t matter in the long run. He even held still while the servant did away with the plaits Frigga had put in the night before and brushed his short hair out until it looked fitting for the ceremony ahead.

A lot more was done, Loki beginning to get the impression that perhaps his first thought about his welcome here being less than warm was true as the servant continued to find things wrong with his appearance. Eventually, just to stop this from going further, Loki changed skin in the middle of another dousing of some perfume. 

The look the servant gave him was almost laughable. He looked ready to bolt, frigid fright coming over him. Loki changed back before he would have to call a healer, smoothing his robes down as he asked, “Do you have anything else to ask about my appearance or am I suitable?”

He got a nod, and didn’t look back when he did. 


	27. Chapter 27

The ceremony itself was conducted outside, amongst the adoring masses of Loki’s new people. He was supposed to come by boat and stride along the paths of Asgard like he once did as a child. But, thankfully, one of the servants noted Loki’s lack of enthusiasm and instead directed him onto the podium where he would receive Thor. 

Odin was already there. A makeshift throne having been assembled for his weary body to sit in whilst he waited for the spectacle to begin. 

Loki avoided looking at him as much as he could. Even after everything he’d done he still had that childlike fear and wonder at being in the presence of Odin. The Allfather. The one who was supposed to guide the fates of mankind on Midgard and instead was sitting in a chair watching his son-

Loki suppressed a sigh when he spotted Thor. The cheering crowd grew louder as they did too. It wasn’t like he was beings subtle. With his mighty hammer in hand Thor landed in the courtyard, Frigga appearing from somewhere to guide him down as the people continued to scream their adoration at their prince. 

When they reached him, Frigga gave his shoulder one last squeeze as she asked him to “Look happy for me?” 

Everything after that was a blur. He drank when bade, spoke when asked, but if he was asked to pin point a specific part of his marriage ceremony Loki couldn’t. It looked like this too would just be another part of his marriage he wouldn’t be able to recall. 

When he eventually fought for clarity again they were in the feasting hall. Loki’s cheeks hurt, the smile he must have painted on his face for most of the day now leaving a sore imprint behind. The food in front of him was untouched, Loki wondering why he had forsaken it in his daze when he picked up a grape and saw the answer for himself. 

Nevermind that half of the people gathered had seen Loki eat and drink at one point or another. Nevermind that they had seen him grow up in front of their eyes. He was like a stranger in front of them now. Some new and exotic creature that drew the eyes of all as he popped a grape in his mouth.

Titters followed, like the Asgardians couldn’t believe that Jotuns ate like them. It made him want to throw up. 

His appetite lessened as the evening went on, the will to eat almost gone by the time the singers broke out into their ballads. A few of them Loki recognised, for what would be a celebration of Thor without the songs the wanderers had created rearing their head in this hall. Only a few Loki couldn’t remember or hadn’t heard, and didn’t care to either as not once did he hear his own name mentioned. Nor would be ever he ventured. Even in Jotunheim Skrymir was probably removing every last inch of Loki from his kingdom. Loki’s kingdom that he’d won in blood.

Thor gripped his wrist, a hissed, “If you could look less like you want to stab someone that would be very helpful.” Only when he felt his hand let go did Loki realise the knife he’d been holding none too gently.

“I’m tired,” Loki excused, thinking maybe he could make his escape early. “I don’t think I’m quite yet healed.”

Thor didn’t have mercy on him, shoving some wine his way. “You’ll feel better when the gifts are presented.”

Something Thor couldn’t have been more wrong about. 

When the gifts did come, they were after another round of toasts that Loki didn’t like the sound of. It sounded good, Odin congratulating all of Asgard for welcoming their new prince and peace with Jotunheim. But the wording, especially of the ones that followed from the council, sounded like they expected Thor to run Loki through before the month was up. That or they would do it themselves. 

If this had been Jotunheim Loki could have just scared them into submission. Alas, once more, he was in Asgard, and these men didn’t even think sorcery a feat to be reckoned with in a bar brawl never mind be afraid of. 

Needless to say, Loki wasn’t feeling good when the presents did rear their heads.

It started with the lowborns. Those of the common folk of Asgard that wished to bestow their congratulations on the wedding. Well, to Thor, Loki didn’t really factor into their brief words when they reached the front of the line. 

Most of it were needless trinkets. A new cloak so Thor wouldn’t feel the cold defending Asgard from perilous monsters. A new head board for the marital chamber, one which, when mentioned, seemed to be inspired by the many mistresses the carver hoped Thor would take. Jewels, braces, vambraces, boots, Thor would need a new wing in the castle for all his presents. 

Then came the nobles. Sif was first, not even looking at Loki as she handed over a knife ‘in case the wedding night calls for it’ were her exact words. The Warrior’s Three followed, Volstagg giving over some clothes far too small for both Loki or Thor, the mere mention of children bringing an aghast hush across the hall. Fandral, thankfully, only had some good advice and wine that Loki promised to steal when they were alone before Hogun was before them. Whatever Loki had been expecting it hadn’t been the tattered book Hogun handed over to Thor. The cover read something about an  _ Edda _ , and since no further talk came the book landed in the pile along with the others.

The rest of the nobles came, their gifts far more lavish and far less appealing than the common folk until Loki was looking upon Freyja. “For you,” she said, not to Thor, but to Loki, and in her arms was another book, one Loki remembered seeing in Vanaheim. “Thor told me it was you who discovered what happened to him. To Frey. I know there are many who condemn you for the uproar in Vanaheim but I don’t. They were traitor’s. Every last one of them.”

“They were certainly troublesome,” Loki hedged, knowing better than to speak his complicated reasons for involving Vanaheim in his scheme. “I will treasure this. Just like your brother in my heart.”

She nodded, giving Thor a brief bow before flouncing off back to her table. 

More people were after Freyja, Loki barely listening now he had something else to occupy himself with. Rude he heard some people whisper, but since they had nothing to say to him he didn’t see why he should give them his attention. After all, he’d promised to play along, and even if he had been happy on this day Loki would have ignored them after he got a gift like Freyja’s in his hands. 

He did look up when Odin and Frigga approached. Balder had been before them, Loki wondering once more about the boy’s significance in Asgard. The wonder quickly fading as Frigga started. “Your father and I have gifts for both of you. But I think it best that Loki receives the one from his brother first. This is for you as well as..” She handed over the scroll, while a few motions of her hand had the guards disappearing.

There wasn’t much on the scroll, just Skrymir’s scrawled,  _ the other is in place _ . He mused on it until the commotion outside the hall drew his attention. The guards gave a few quick shouts before something was being dragged inside.

Distantly, Loki saw Thor lean forward in his seat, an eager fascination taking hold of him. Loki on the other hand, had never felt dread like he felt in that moment. 

“No.” His voice startled the wolf held between the guards, its eyes that haunted Loki’s dreams meeting his own before Fenrir broke free and scampered over. 

He was out of his chair before Fenrir even got close, the guards taking their sweet time trying to decide whether it was worth capturing something that even a Jotun was afraid of. He felt Thor tugging him close, stepping between Loki and Fenrir, but didn’t really see much more as Skrymir’s note started to make sense in his mind.

The other. Skrymir had said the other was in place. In the tales, Fenrir was in Asgard, bound in chains because of his size, while Jormungandr, he slithered beneath the surface of-

Of course. No wonder Skrymir took him to Midgard. When he went out, leaving Loki on his own on the pretence of business he was probably putting poor Jormungandr in his prison. Skrymir really hadn’t left anything to chance. 

A warm wet nose touched his before the guards managed to tug Fenrir off him. Loki felt his hand brush against the soft fur of his face just as he was taken out of reach. His son had grown in the months they had been apart. He was still a child, barely up to Loki’s waist, but his girth was what had the people of Asgard fascinated. He was large despite his height. There was a sense of size in the meat of his paws and the shape of his head. Fenrir was still growing, and would continue to until he was the biggest wolf in the nine realms. 

He was taken out with the promise of meat, Thor guiding Loki back into their chairs as the king and queen bestowed their own gifts onto them. Like before, Loki barely heard what they were, but this time it was Fenrir that kept him from seeing past his own two hands.

It was his fault Fenrir was here. Not just because Loki’s seed had created him. It was Loki that thrust Fenrir into Alfheim. He had thought, at the time, Fenrir would be safe. But no. All he had done was deliver Fenrir into the hands of Skrymir. He had told Fenrir to stay away from everything, always with the thought that should someone know about him they would report him to Asgard. Never had Loki thought there would be an active search for Fenrir. If he had, he would have kept the pup with him in Jotunheim. 

As for Jormungandr… he didn’t know what he could have done for him. Looked for him maybe? Even gave him the same instructions to watch where he dwelled instead of leaving him to fend for himself. 

He’d been stupid to let his fear rule him that day in the mountains. He should have taken his children when he first heard them and guarded them with his life. He should have done a lot of things he hadn’t. 

“Thank you father,” Thor said, his hand back on Loki’s and bringing back into the room. 

“Yes, thank you,” Loki remembered, waiting until Frigga and Odin had once more taken their seats before trying, “I’m really not feeling well Thor.”

The hand on his tightened slightly, Thor’s mouth pinching as he stood bringing Loki with him. “Fine,” he said, announcing to the room, “I’m afraid we must retire. The excitement of the night has gotten to us both. But please, do not think that you too must leave. Eat, drink, celebrate our new union as you will.”

There was a toast, a few whispers afterwards of staking out the marital chambers in the morning and then Loki was retreating up the familiar stairs to his new rooms. He snatched his hand away the first chance he got, falling onto the bed regardless of his clothes. 

Thor mumbled something, but, honestly, Loki hadn’t been lying when he said he hadn’t been feeling well, and with Fenrir making an appearance he soon found himself falling asleep.

He woke late, almost evening the next day really, and to the room being cleaned around him. Loki had never been one for shyness, fright on the other hand, had him clutching his bedsheet around him. He dropped it as soon as he realised what he was doing. The servants continued on like they hadn’t seen him, cleaning whatever specks of dirt they found in a room that had barely been used last night. 

He watched them for a whlie, the notion of having servants, Asgardian servants even, not wholly repulsive. Yes, he’d had servants in Jotunheim. Well, he had people he could order around. But he didn’t have anything like Thor had in Asgard. Loki had seen them, the people mulling around, running too and fro on the behest of their superior’s. Mostly he’d just stayed out of their way, the servants, seeing as Loki wasn’t noble nor one of their own, having no trouble telling him off should he find himself somewhere he wasn’t supposed to. The pay, he heard, was good for a servant to the royal family. Loki should have sought out an occupation in there. It certainly would have been preferable to the torment he was tuck in now.

Eventually he got up, noting as he did, that someone had undressed him through the night. So long as Thor didn’t make a point of telling him Loki was willing to forgive the intrusion. This once that was. The next time it happened he was taking fingers. 

Not one of the servants gave him any instruction as he dressed. Nor did they direct him into someone who could when he asked. It seemed, from the pointed glances at anywhere but Loki, that they had either been instructed to leave him alone, or were too afraid of him to give him a straight answer. Either way, it meant Loki had nothing to do and more hours to spend reacquainting himself with the situation he’d found himself in. 

He made a visit to his hut first, finding the thing torn down since last he’d been. He spared a moment there, lamenting all the hard work he’d put into making it before moving on to the town.

As predicted, the people just didn’t know what to do with him. It wasn’t much different from his last long stay in Asgard. Only, this time instead of being known as the troublesome light fingered annoyance with the Queen’s ear, he was now the troublesome, light fingered Jotun warming their beloved prince’s bed. The looks varied depending on who he went past. All of Sif’s former friends, naturally, had nothing but scorn and disgust for him. Regardless of their families, no doubt, telling them to play nice in the hopes of some reward, the prospect of kissing up to Loki was just as repugnant as it had been when they were youths. Truthfully, the only woman his own age Loki didn’t see outright scorn him was Sigyn, and she had been a surprise when she popped out of nowhere. 

She was like a leech, latching onto his arm from the shadows and not letting go as he tried to steer them into an unsavoury part of town. She carried the conversation well, he had to say, everything from her worry at his disappearance to his return was covered until she was recounting his wedding in excruciating detail back to him.

“I guess I should have guessed there was something wrong with you,” She finished, the two of them lingering over a stall she had taken a fancy to. “I mean, first you weren’t interested in me. Then when you were we didn’t even kiss. I should have known you were hiding something. But, you know, I wouldn’t have minded. I think it’s quite fascinating. You have both right? I bet your fingers are-”

“Sigyn,” he cut in, saving both himself and the merchant paling behind his stall from any further torture. “As lovely as it is to see you I don’t think my genitals should be discussed in the middle of town. Nor should you even be thinking about them. They’re Thor’s problem now.”

She laughed, agreeing wholeheartedly as she steered them to another stall and started on something else. Namely Balder and her flame for him still running high despite him taking an interest in the bland Nanna. 

They started back the way they came as Asgard started to run into fields and trees, Sigyn still chatting and the people still staring. Their looks were even harder now Sigyn was firmly attached to his arm. They seemed to be of the persuasion that either Loki was trying to seduce another respectable Asgardian or he’d forced poor Sigyn to be his companion. None of them even thought about Loki being the poor soul trapped in the Sigyn’s company.

They reached the palace without anyone stopping them at least, Loki still keeping an eye out regardless as he stopped them before they started up the steps. “Okay Sigyn, why are you really hanging around me?”

Her affronted scowl came a bit too late for it to be believable, and quite frankly her, “Because we’re friends,” was just laughable.

“Since when?” he challenged. “While your company isn’t completely abhorrent you and I have never even been lovers nevermind friends.”

She kept the scowl for only a few moments longer before it fell, a more believable one taking its place. “Fine. I need a position in the royal household. And since I knew no one was going to be jumping at the chance and we do get along I thought it best to come to you.”

“Sneaky,” he appraised. “So for what purpose do you need this position then?” Since he was sure Thor would have mentioned some misfortune befalling Sigyn’s family last time they were on amicable terms. “If I’m to consider your proposal I’ll need to know your reasons,” he prompted.

It quickly had her spilling. “I need access to the inner court life. For some reason Balder has been slowly being more and more integrated in Thor’s circle, and if I have a hope of knocking Nanna out of his eyeline I need him to see me more regularly. Also…” she hesitated, “I need some extra money.”

“Cards or dresses?” 

“Both,” She said. Sigyn, while dainty to look at, was one of the best cards players Loki had ever met. It was one of the things they had bonded over, their love of guessing people’s motives. She was as good at cards as she was at dice, but, over the years she did make quite a name for herself and as a woman not known for her skills with a knife sometimes it was better to just give her winnings over than cause a fight. As for the dresses, well, it was pretty self explanatory. Especially since they were almost always for Balder’s benefit. 

“Fine,” Loki agreed. “I’ll see about you being my companion or something. But be warned, everything I tell you must stay confidential, you aren’t to abuse the generosity I’m giving you, not there or in any other way. If I find you have just know I can plant some kind of misfortune upon you.”

“Fair enough,” She said, her smile not wavering once. It was one of the downfalls of talking with someone who had seen him go through his teenage years. No matter how much he threatened he would always be the boy that wore that stupid collar around his throat and allowed her to parade him everywhere like an overpriced pet. 

They parted ways now Sigyn had got what she came for. Loki sent word with a messenger he wasn’t completely sure would even deliver the message that he was employing Sigyn to the Queen. Then after that, well, he had nothing to do and no one to tell him what was expected so Loki was left to his own entertainments once more. 

He considered going back to his chambers, only, the thought that the servants might still be working had him walking away rather than towards them. He eventually ended up in the kitchens noting that even here he was given special treatment, and not in a good way. Instead of being chased out as he expected, the cooks just looked at him. They didn’t greet him, didn’t ask if he wanted anything, just looked at him from their pots and their flames until Loki understood his presence there was not welcome. 

Leaving would have been the wise thing to do. Unfortunately, while in the kitchens, Loki remembered that he wasn’t in Jotunheim anymore, and that meant no more horrid giant wine. 

He tried to be discreet in his search, using his magic to seek out that precious Vanir wine he knew had to be lying around somewhere, as the cooks continued to just look at him. Eventually he found a stash hiding beneath a rather plump boy who wasn’t even trying to soften his glare like the others did. Loki didn’t even sugarcoat his thieving, sending the cupboard door into the boy’s dick and retreating with a laugh loud enough for all of them to hear, bottle held high.

If he was going to be the feared Jotun then he was going to bloody well enjoy it. 

A good portion of the bottle had been drank by the time Loki stumbled upon Thor. Loki had decided a tactical retreat after his thieving was a wise decision, servants be damned, and had gotten to the staircase that led him up to his chambers when he saw him. 

Well, them.

With two hands firmly planted to Thor’s face Sif seemed to be trying to devour her poor victim. It was rather reminiscent of their young years, enough that Loki fought the urge to roll his eyes. He supposed he should have been offended, Thor was effectively dismissing their marital vows after only a day of being publicly tied, yet Loki knew from the moment he’d stumbled into this little get together that the kiss was very much one sided. 

Thor was already pulling away, fighting Sif off as she tried to keep him where she wanted, and it ended with both her fists held down by her sides, Thor speaking too low to hear. No doubt it was about honour and all that and had Loki not been very much tired and annoyed by the short day he’d had he would have let the whole thing slide. 

As it was, he slipped past them without making a sound, hurrying to his chambers the wine seeming to disappear once more as he shooed out the one remaining servant lighting the evening candles. 

Setting his wine down he drew a bath, lighting the last of the candles with a wave of his hand and slipping into the water just as Thor stormed in. Loki heard the boots being tossed off, the cape slung to the side, and just as Thor stepped through to their bathing chambers he took a pointed swig of his wine.

“Have a nice day?” Loki drawled, not turning around. 

He expected something along the lines of ‘it’s none of his business’. Yet Thor shocked him by mumbling, “It was okay.”

Loki cleared his throat, getting comfortable once more, “Just okay?”

There was a sigh, Thor edging closer still, “Do you honestly care or are you going somewhere with this Loki? I’ve had a long day.”

“Yes, I saw. You know, while this marriage wasn’t exactly wanted on either side I would still like to be asked before you go finding yourself a lover.” That came out a bit more petulant than he had anticipated. He thought about smoothing it over but, it turned out he actually was a bit annoyed by Sif’s actions. 

“I don’t have a lover,” Thor said.

“So it was just my imagination that conjured up you and Sif embracing in the hallway? Next time, keep your dalliances to closed rooms. We don’t need the whole of Asgard turning on me even more.” He took a swig of his wine, the fruity drink calming him once more so he could remember the point of this whole argument. Namely, his need to make himself feel better. 

Loki thought he could hear Thor actually gulp as the man tried to gather his thoughts. Really, all Thor had to say was that Sif had forced him into it. That way Loki could have a bit fun wheedling some kind of gift out of his new husband before eventually forgiving him. Instead, Thor went along the route of, “It wasn’t a dalliance. But even if it was I didn’t think you would be this annoyed by it.”

“I’m not.” He was. A little. “I don’t care where you stick your cock so long as you tell me before you do so, and you do it in a more private setting. If I’m going to be forced to be your husband then you may as well give me the respect I deserve.”

“Respect?” Thor laughed. “You want to talk about respect? How about the respect I showed you in Jotunheim. I could have dragged you back to Asgard as soon as I found you but I didn’t. I let you stay, and what did I get for it? Betrayal.”

“Justified betrayal,” Loki shot back, finally turning. It looked like they were going to have this conversation now and Loki would not keep his back to Thor should things grow worse from here. “You know as well as I do that the casket was the only way to save Jotunheim.”

“If it was even in peril,” Thor argued. “I wanted to believe that maybe you had no choice, that you were forced. I did Loki. But everyone I asked said Jotunheim should have been fine. This attack was unprovoked.”

“You saw with your own eyes. You saw what was happening. Jotunheim was not fine. It was as far from fine as it could get. Someone was tampering with the land, filling it with dark magic. I had no choice but to get the casket.”

“Of course you had a choice. You could have asked for help.” Thor lowered his voice from the near shout it had been, “You know, if you had asked, I would have helped you.”

“And what could you have done?” Loki challenged. “Asked your father for aid? Help me track down who was destroying Jotunheim? You can think I had a choice all you like but I didn’t. I didn’t know what was happening to the land until Skrymir took me. Not really. And as for your father, you have Heimdall don’t you? The ever seeing watchman? He should have told Odin what was going on. He probably did. For months we were suffering, my brother almost lost a child, and your father didn’t come to our aid. No one was. So I did what I thought was right and I took the casket back.”

“You almost started a war. People died Loki,” Thor’s arguments were growing weaker even as he spoke, the fight just as tiresome for him as it was for Loki right now. “You used me,” he spat out after a moment, the crux of his woes in regards to Loki’s actions. 

“I did.” It was no point denying it. “But only at the end. We didn’t even decide to attempt to steal the casket until your visit beforehand.”

“And I’m supposed to believe that?” Thor huffed.

“No,” Loki turned around once more, they were both done for the night, “It’s late. I don’t care what you believe about me. Just don’t let me or anyone else catch you fucking in the hallways again.”

“We weren’t-” Thor huffed one more, the stomp, stomp of his feet carrying him out of the bathing chamber. 

Loki downed the rest of his wine, luxuriating in the silence. He knew his little jibe was going to result in Thor lashing out at him, but he hadn’t expected the topic to sway so much to things that, in all seriousness, Loki thought wouldn’t be breached for a good week yet. He didn’t quite know what to make of its sudden appearance.

It told a lot about the state of mind Thor was in, that was for sure. While the silent treatment had never been Thor’s forte, he was sure that the man would be have been going out of his way to avoid Loki until he was ready to confront the hurts between them. This sudden topic showed that Thor was more hurt by Loki’s actions than previously anticipated. 

Loki knew why, objectively, Thor would be upset. Yes, Loki did use him, and while he did have reason the betrayal would still have stung. But Thor should have also thought about this in ways that Loki did, that Frigga did. She hadn’t condemned him, at least not to his face, for his actions. She understood why he had acted the way he had, and while she didn’t know the other details, like just how Loki trapped Thor, and Loki was hoping Thor hadn’t told her, there was still enough wrongdoings on Loki’s end that she should have found something to pick a fight with if that was what she wanted. 

But, Loki supposed, Frigga had lived through a war herself. Thor was still young. The most he had done was gone on a few quests with his friends. Even then, were their adversaries that battle hardened? The frost giants they had cut down under Odin and Laufey’s commands were most likely sickly, poor and wouldn’t know how to wield a blade. They were desperate beings that were seeking aid because their king didn’t give it. When Thor came calling, Loki doubted they put up that much of a fight. The other quests too. The troll they had been sent to deal with in Alfheim, the one that was, most likely, just as hungry and desperate as the frost giants if it had to resort to stealing from the nearest village. While the elves may have thought it a nuisance and the troll a monster they wouldn’t have even spared a moment to wonder why the troll was acting the way it did in the first place. 

Thor had grown up without knowing what it was like to be so desperate that any solution was better than none. He had grown up with parents that coddled him, a kingdom laid out before him like a banquet and people giving him respect because he’d been born lucky. He hadn’t lived like Loki, like Frigga. He hadn’t been starving as a child because there was nothing to eat. Or been forced to fight as soon as he could stand because the Asgardians were attacking once more into Vanaheim. He hadn’t experienced anything close to hardship, so how could Loki expect him to see the other side?

The answer was he couldn’t and he had known this a long time. That boy that had changed on Midgard hadn’t fully grasped the severity of every action he made. He’d turned his back the first chance he got on diplomacy, or at least mercy and Loki knew that Skrymir was well aware of this fact too.

He could see the plan plain as day now. The binding while he was unconscious so he, like Fenrir, wouldn’t have reason to leave. He was a prisoner here, and Skrymir probably hoped over time that Loki would grow to resent his capturers. That fate would intervene at one point and bring misery so great on Loki that he would set off Ragnarok itself. 

He picked himself out of his bath before his thoughts took a darker turn. He had more important things to think about than his brother’s stupid plans. Like why there was a cat on his pillow.

“What is that?” 

The fluffy thing was still young, and when Loki tried moving it the cat sunk its teeth into his hand. Thor, from his side of the bed, didn’t even look over at the hiss of pain. “My mother gave her to us as a wedding gift.”

“Oh.” He hadn’t thought it would be the same here. On Midgard, he knew, that a cat was given to a newlywed couple to help them start their lives off together. The cat would catch the mice that would get into the sparse food available, and hopefully help bring prosperity to the couple in the long run. “I would have thought Freyja would gift us with her.” Since usually it was Freyja’s name invoked in the gifting ceremony.

“Mother persuaded her not to. Besides, she had something else to give you.” There was a shuffle, Thor turning more firmly until he was almost on his stomach.

The message was clear, he didn’t want to be spoken to. 

Loki lay down as best he could, the cat still refusing to move. It got to the point where Loki changed himself into a cat to pick the damn thing up. But, apparently, now he’d shown he was secretly a cat the kitten decided he was some kind of parent and lay on him the rest of the night. 

Needless to say, come morning, Loki had little scratches littering his chest and arms. 

But that wasn’t to say Loki hated the kitten. Once he got used to sharing his new chambers with her he kind of liked her, and Sigyn absolutely adored her. Most often than not when they were out and about, floating around Asgard, he’d see Sigyn carrying his cat. The poor thing loved it, and while Loki had to suppress the flashbacks of being in that exact position, he had to say it was nice not being constantly talked to if Sigyn had a little companion.

As for Sigyn’s presence herself. Well, Loki was kind of glad he’d taken her up on her proposition. With no one still, save Frigga, talking to him, it was nice to have someone to complain to. It was also nice helping her catch Balder’s eye. 

Wooing had never been Loki’s strong point, but Sigyn had said she didn’t need Loki to woo for her, just get her to the right places at the right times. It was challenging, and entertaining, a true game of wits he’d sorely needed to alleviate his dark thoughts. 

Often times, when he felt the weight of Skrymir’s schemes weigh heavy on him, he would seek Balder out in the palace and play some harmless prank on him. A prank which, almost always, had Sigyn waiting like some heroic rescuer at the end of them. 

“What about this one?” Sigyn modelled, turning to and fro in the silk she’d pulled from the stall. “I can have red embroidered on it. I’m sure Nanna would balk at the idea that I’m in Thor’s favour too.” For with Thor’s favour she could be impressed more firmly onto Balder as a better marriage proposition. 

Yet, “Hate it.” The silver didn’t really go with her hair. “In all honesty you should go for softer colours. Balder likes his girls bland and tasteless. Ergo, the best way to catch his eye is to look bland and tasteless yourself.”

Sigyn pouted, mostly because she preferred her bright colours. But Loki had been paying special attention to Nanna lately when Balder started using her as some kind of shield against Loki’s schemes. It was laughable to think Nanna would stop Loki. In fact, all Balder had done was put the girl in Loki’s eyeline. 

He appraised the stall, ignoring the vendor shuffling uncomfortably on the other end. He found the colour he was looking for hidden under a rather colourful gold. “This one,” he handed over. The blue was as bland as it came, pale and so plain it was painful to look at. But Loki had seen Nanna wear something of a similar colour just yesterday. “It’s his favourite colour,” he remembered when Sigyn was just as upset at the colour. 

“Fine,” she huffed, paying the vendor and dragging Loki to the seamsters. “I was thinking, once my new dress is done, perhaps we could work on getting him to stay in my presence for longer than a few seconds.”

While Sigyn had come to Balder’s rescue, the boy hadn’t done much more than thank her before journeying on his merry way. It wasn’t exactly conductive for Sigyn since she kind of needed him to have a conversation with her if he was to realise she was the right girl for him. 

He knew, perhaps, he should consider this from a different point of view. Maybe that Balder just wasn’t interested in Sigyn, and no matter how much she tried it wasn’t going to make a difference. But, then there were two things that helped Loki stay on track and ignore that thought. One, he didn’t care, and two, Loki had spotted Balder with Sif and the Warrior’s Three the other day. He wasn’t a master of reading lips but from the way they fell silent and watched him like a hawk until he left just told him they’d been saying something that shouldn’t reach his ears. Ergo, he was thrusting Sigyn into his path as many times as it took until either Balder came looking for a fight or Loki calmed down enough to grow bored.

Neither of which had happened yet. 

He dutifully guided the seamstresses to what best style dress would fit their needs, then wandered off to look at the capes while Sigyn got her fitting. The seamstresses, at least, weren’t as bad to him as the majority of Asgard. It probably had something to do with how much he was in there since Sigyn had needed at least four new dresses since becoming his ‘companion’. They weren’t nice, but they did offer to sew up his tunic when he ripped it strolling through the gardens. 

The rest of the day they spent it in Loki’s weekly routine. They visited the lower town, where, regardless of his Jotun heritage, he spent hours talking and listening to the people there. Most of the dock workers had softened to him, one even asking if he wanted to try his hand at fishing since that was all Jotun supposedly ate. A kind gesture, if a bit misplaced, and one Loki may have taken up had the worker not been part of a crew who seven out of eight hated him. 

Really, he found the only people who didn’t seem that intolerant of him were the children. They seemed to creep around him when he was visiting the lower town. One moment he and Sigyn were staring out into the wide sea and the next they both had a kid in their laps asking Loki a hundred questions about Jotuns. 

“Is it true that they drink blood?” One girl asked today. 

“Well,” Loki considered, noting the girl didn’t even try and shift away as he didn’t outright deny it. “Normal Jotnar don’t. But the royal family? They sometimes drink the blood of those that have wronged them. Why my brother Byleistr drained his poor mate dry when he found him with another giant.”

Sigyn snorted beside him. By far the blood drinking was the most popular question he’d been asked, and after the first time Loki took in detail to tell Sigyn and the children that Jotnar did not in fact drink blood she hadn’t asked him herself privately.

Another little girl pulled his hair, using it as leverage to shift herself into his lap, “What about teeth? Do you have teeth? Normal ones like me? Or are they sharp?”

He hummed, flashing his own for the children to get a good look at them. “See these? The Jotnar take them from beasts. But me? Well, the beasts in Jotunheim are too big for me, so I went to Midgard instead. In exchange for small deeds they gave me their children’s teeth.”

The kids all clutched their gums, “You take teeth?” the same girl asked. “Why?”

“So I can eat. Children’s teeth are strong you see. Much stronger than adults. You ever wonder why adults don’t bite things as hard as children. Or why they don’t chew on things like we do? It’s because they’re frail. But children’s teeth. The ones I collect anyway,” he reached for a coin in his purse, biting straight through it and spitting the gold out for the kids to see. 

Some of them screamed and ran off like he knew they would. The others just looked at him on awe and asked if they could have a go. It took a while to convince them not to bite everything in sight, and after he answered a few more questions they too tottered off back to their parents. 

“You’re good with them,” Sigyn said.

“Is that surprise I hear?” He wasn’t actually a monster, no matter what people said. Besides, he liked kids. He had kids. Ones he just, didn’t know what to do with. 

“Of course not,” Sigyn said. “If anything I’m surprised you haven’t got one along the way. Thor’s fertility is highly renowned.”

Yes, Loki knew. No sooner had the first week passed did women start appearing at the palace with babies and children they offered up as heir. Apparently the thought of a half Jotun on the throne was just as abhorrent as the idea of Loki marrying Thor. Then again, maybe it was just him and his children they didn’t want on. They had no problem with Odin after all. 

“Again Sigyn, my bed is not up for discussion. But if it were you should know Thor isn’t exactly as opposed to playing the mare as he would have people believe.”

She laughed once more, hauling him up when it started to get truly dark, the two of them starting back towards the palace. Sigyn, the whole way, regardless of Loki warning her, tried to wheedle out more information about his bedroom habits. According to her it wasn’t fair that Loki was privy to all of her own comings and goings and receiving nothing in return. 

To that, Loki laughed, “It’s not like you have many men of your own to tell about.” He thought only after he said it that his words might be taken the wrong way. 

But Sigyn either didn’t notice the offence he might have caused or just ignored it as she said, “It’s not my fault that Balder likes them innocent. Trust me Loki, had I not had my eyes set I would be telling you many more tales than you’ve already heard.”

“I suppose I should be thankful then.”

“Yes, you should.”

They parted ways, Sigyn making him swear not to sleep in tomorrow as he promised they would start on their new wooing plan. He was sad to see her go, retreating back into the palace and to his chambers alone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm just posting the rest of the story now before I decide I hate it and change it.


	28. Chapter 28

He’d missed supper, which was the whole reason they stayed out so late in the first place. While he dined with Frigga on a frequent basis Loki still had nightmares about his first supper with the royal family as a child. Now part of that family, and with everything he’d done, he didn’t want to think what the atmosphere would be like. So he made a point of staying out late, and when Frigga tracked him down he made some excuse about checking on the people. Somewhat true, it definitely gave him good boy points, Frigga often remarking when Odin joined them the scant occasions he did for tea that Loki was taking his role much more seriously than they had thought he would. 

Whatever kept them off his back, he thought. 

Thor was missing when he stepped through. His loving husband would be out until near daybreak. Either one of his friends persuaded him to go for a drink after his supper or he was just plain avoiding Loki. Both options Loki found in his favour since it meant he could take a bath or read without being scrutinised every second. 

He picked at the fruit that the servants had taken to lay out for him, bundling up the meat when he passed and stuffing a bread roll in his mouth as he changed out of his princely garb and into his nightshirt. 

The hours between evening fall and true night passed slowly. Slow enough Loki managed to read a few more chapters of the book Freyja had gifted him before the moon hit his chair just right. 

He changed form, his talons grasping the bundle of meat as he flew out his window and to the hut Loki had once called a home. 

It had changed in the almost month he’d been back in Asgard. No longer was it decrepit or falling apart. Instead, by order of Odin, the walls had been erected once more and enforced with strong magic. It had expanded to, something it would need to do again when Loki changed back and took in Fenrir’s new size.

“What am I going to do with you,” Loki sighed, tossing the meat he’d brought his son’s way. 

Fenrir nibbled at it delicately, the both of them knowing that Fenrir wasn’t being fed as much as he should be. “How are you?” Loki asked, feeling much like Thor every night he came here.

Fenrir huffed in response, and Loki knew it was a response not just an involuntary noise. Fenrir wasn’t stupid. He understood. He couldn’t speak but he could understand Loki and reply as best he could. 

“I know, stupid question.” 

At first Loki had only come every other night. Fear had him staying away more than anything. But when he saw how miserable and lonely Fenrir was growing he made a point to come every night he could make it. He would come through the day, but last time he had tried Thor had seemingly appeared from nowhere and steered him away from the forest. 

He looked over Fenrir, seeing the glossy coat and wet nose. Well fed he might not be but Fenrir was fed enough to keep him healthy. Odin was making sure Skrymir’s gift wasn’t shirked or ignored, giving Fenrir the whole forest behind the palace to make his home. The only reason he was here with Loki now instead of off sniffing some trees was because Loki was only decent conversation he got.

The animals were too dull for Fenrir. Loki had spent time as an animal himself and couldn’t believe how dull their lives were when they weren’t fighting for their lives. The Asgardians, while better conversationalists, didn’t even attempt to communicate with Fenrir. To them, he was just an exotic beast for Thor’s monstrous spouse. No doubt, when they did speak to Fenrir, they treated him like most people treated animals, and for someone with an intellect like Loki’s son that couldn’t have been pleasurable. 

Loki was planning on bringing a book down here at some point. He wanted to see if he could get Fenrir to read. If he could, Loki could start devising some wolf proof scripts to bring down. But until then, he contented both of them with magic and stories of his own devising.

He was there a good portion of the night. Enough to see Fenrir off into a little nap before he turned in himself. 

Thor was there when he got back, seeming to take advantage of the empty bed by sprawling himself out over it. Loki actually considered staying a bird to get some sleep, but since his cat was eyeing him up from on top of Thor’s chest he decided against it.

With all that muscle came quite a bit of weight. Much more than Loki had anyway, and while Loki wasn’t exactly weak, Thor, when asleep, seemed to just stick to the ground. It made sleeping under him as children unbearable and moving him now almost impossible. 

However, luck, or misfortune, whichever it was tonight, seemed to be on his side as Thor wasn’t as asleep as Loki first thought. “How’s Sigyn?” he asked, rolling to his side of the bed.

“Er, good.” Loki said, lying on top of the covers. “Asleep I think.”

Thor grunted mumbling, “I bet.”

Something about how Thor said that niggled at his mind. Yet, Loki was too tired to think about it right now, so he did like Thor, he rolled over and went to sleep.

Sigyn looked like she had been waiting a while when Loki met up with her the next morning. She didn’t waste any time when he did get to her either, dragging him off and putting him in position as Balder started his usual stroll around the palace.

It was a simple trick, changing Balder’s belt into a snake, but it got him panicked enough to ignore his surroundings and start running towards Sigyn’s waiting arms. With Balder dealt with, Loki took care of Nanna, intercepting her on her way to Balder’s meeting spot and, knowing she liked birds, continued to have a lengthy, if somewhat one sided, discussion on whether Odin’s birds were crows or ravens.

“You know I can never tell the difference,” he said, hearing Balder’s cries even from this distance. Loki could tell Nanna could as well, but since Loki was somewhat a person not to trifle with, she suffered through explaining the differences as best she could as the shrieks quietened and Sigyn did her thing.

Only, something went wrong. Just as Nanna was explaining the difference in wing span Sigyn let out one bellow and stormed down the hall, away from Balder, away from Loki even, until she was out the palace altogether. It was quite worrying. Especially since Balder appeared moments later and called Nanna over in a tone that was less than the gentle nature he’d always been known for. 

Loki followed after a moment, but the time he’d delayed had allowed Sigyn to get a good head start on him. No matter how much he looked he couldn’t find Sigyn the rest of the day. 

Eventually he ended up back in Fenrir’s woods, changing his form into a wolf and spending the day hunting the elk that lived nearer the mountain terrain. Sigyn stayed on his mind the whole while. It wasn’t just that she was upset, it was Balder. Never, no matter how much Loki had tricked or tripped him up, had he seen Balder so much as raise his voice. In the tales, Balder wasn’t a warrior, he was this gentle creature doted on by his mother and loved by all that met him. In Asgard, much of that had been the same save a few things. One, he didn’t grow up with Frigga. Two, Loki wasn’t sure whether the gentle name could apply to him anymore. Not if he made Sigyn shriek.

Fenrir didn’t have an opinion when Loki asked for one. He seemed to find anything not related to actual fighting in the palace boring. This little spat between Sigyn and Balder only had Fenrir changing the subject to who got hurt at noon, something Loki didn’t know but promised to find out for next time. 

When he got back, it was dark once more. Gliding into his room he was more than surprised to see Thor still up. He’d sat himself in a chair near the fire, one of their books he’d been gifted at their wedding in hand. He didn’t look up from it as Loki landed, so Loki didn’t think much of it.

So Thor was having a late night in their rooms for once, it was his right to. 

He shed his cloak, his boots and britches too until nothing but his soft tunic was between him and the top sheet. It was harder to fall asleep with Thor still wide awake. In bed with him was different. There was no looking, no silent judgment. All things Loki could feel Thor doing now. 

With a pointed glare, he shifted onto his side, trying all the while to get a good nights sleep.

It turned out that wouldn’t be the only time Thor would pull a stunt like this. In the coming months Loki got used to it enough that he could just ignore it and doze off, but the question for why the sudden scrutiny was rearing its head continued to baffle him.

Two months turned to three, and the judgment stopped coming. The looks didn’t, but they held a completely different weight to them now. That was when Thor was in their chambers. Around the three month mark those nightly watches shifted back to the routine they had favoured in their first couple of weeks married. Ergo, Thor would spend all night drinking and Loki would be left to his own devices until they both collapsed into their respective sides in silence.

The five month mark Loki didn’t even see Thor in the mornings, he just stopped coming home at all. Loki would say it was a big loss, but, well, the baths he took without anyone interrupting him or eating half his food made that quite impossible. 

Then the sixth month rolled around and Loki longed for the fifth month again. Almost overnight Thor seemed to change his attitude. He came home, he slept, he woke in the morning and even sat to eat breakfast with Loki. 

They had conversations. Actual words of civility. They steered clear of topics they knew would end up with the both of them bloody, and usually the topic consisted of the weather. But it still stood to reason that they were having conversations. 

There was more. On top of all the appearances at home Thor started showing up in the most weirdest places. He was in the city when Loki was for instance. Standing with his buddies, all of whom still cowered when Loki passed by like he was going to turn blue and bludgeon them any second. He bade them farewell loud enough, and took Loki’s arm before any two thoughts could be strung together. 

Sigyn seemed to find it all rather amusing. Until Thor started requesting more and more of Loki’s time without her present. 

She seemed to disappear completely as the seventh month rolled around, something he only hoped was because she’d managed to garner Balder’s attentions or at least forgive whatever it was he’d said to her. It made Loki’s days, when Thor wasn’t with him, lonely once more. He ended up spending more time with Frigga as a result, ambling behind her like a duckling on the pretence of learning his real duties to the crown.

“He’s being weird,” Loki tried to tell her once over breakfast. It was one of the first meals he’d managed to eat away from Thor, the man who had started bathing with Loki once more when he didn’t kick him out that first time. 

Frigga just laughed at his complaints. “He’s taking his role more seriously,” she said, adding on, “Besides, isn’t it good that we’re showing Asgard a united front instead of leaving you to roam alone?”

Which meant Frigga had meddled until Thor bent to her will. This new change in heart was probably all her doing. “I suppose,” he’d sulked anyway. “Speaking of, how are the other realms?”

One topic of conversation he’d never been able to escape whilst he was out and talking with grown ups was his involvement in almost destroying two realms. If he wasn’t hearing about the death toll from the people of Asgard he was dragged most unkindly to the Bifrost sight where Asgardians were still working to get the stains of Jotun blood from their precious gold. Thor had managed to scare the worst of them away when he was near. But, like Loki had explained, Thor wasn’t there all the time, so the people of Asgard found a way eventually.

Frigga, here, turned a bit ashen as she told Loki about the recovery attempts. Asgard had gotten off lightly. They barely had any casualties. Jotunheim, too, considering how many had died before Loki took action, was now a prospering realm under the guidance of Skrymir. The only one that was still finding it difficult to stand on its feet again was Vanaheim. Frigga’s home.

“Why did you involve them?” Frigga had asked him once, at the beginning of his stay here. 

To that, Loki wanted to tell her the truth about the stories, about Skrymir’s plan. But Frigga was angry and hurt. Loki had used her homeland in a skirmish it needn’t have even been in. It hadn’t made Frigga hate him, but it had hardened some of the gentleness within her the more information Odin gave her about Vanir death tolls and uprisings. 

Loki had eventually come up with some excuse, one that Frigga didn’t believe in the slightest. But since it was the easiest excuse to accept she didn’t question it out of sheer desperation. 

Now, seven months on from that fateful uprising, Vanaheim had quietened down. No longer did the people fight back against Odin’s purge. Instead, subdued as they were, they tried to just avoid conflict altogether, focusing instead in replenishing their land. They had bounced back once, Frigga had said, and they would so again. Even if this time there were so many more losses than last.

When he retreated back to his chambers Loki thought that he’d always had one regret about raiding Asgard, and that had been Frigga. It hadn’t lessened over time, it had only grown in fact. At this rate he’d be going to Vanaheim himself to try and help. Something he was sure Frigga was just waiting for him to suggest, Odin keeping Loki under realm arrest or not. 

Thor was there when Loki got back, a bath waiting and the day already planned for him. Apparently, someone- Frigga- had gotten him out of all his duties today, so Thor had the whole day to spend lavishing Loki with attention. Joy.

He did take that bath however. He gave himself that one pleasure before he spent the day in mindless conversation and eventual silence. It was almost a relief being back in his chambers when they were done. Almost. Thor was still behind him, and while Frigga may have talked him into accompanying Loki, it seemed Thor had taken his new role with some kind of excitement. If he hadn’t, he would merely chaperone Loki around the city until the two of them could be seen getting along cordially by enough people. Never would Thor have attempted the feats he was making in conversation or sharing Loki’s more intimate routines. As ridiculous as they were, Thor was trying to mend a bridge between them. One Loki couldn’t help but feel had more weight behind it than Frigga’s gentle encouragement. 

Regardless, it lessened the glares they got when they were out, so Loki suffered through it for now. Especially if it meant he got his baths drawn for him, that he didn’t mind. 

Currently he had his candles moved closer to his bed, courtesy of a great thought by Thor. It meant Loki could read propped up against his pillows. He also wasn’t blind to the fact that his new position meant Thor was able to amble that bit closer than usual in the gap Loki’s body created against the pillows.

It was all, nicer than Loki had been wanting, and for that fact he just knew there was an ulterior motive behind it. The question of what would still remain to be seen. 

He actively sought Sigyn out the next day, purely because Thor had left him alone once more when Sif and Fandral requested Thor’s presence on the training field. He found her in Frigga’s garden, Nanna firmly planted by her side. He considered them for a while, watching the easy way Sigyn was interacting with her, and how, unlike with Loki, she actually looked like she wanted to be there.

Sigyn really was sneakier than she looked.

“There you are,” Loki called, plastering on his most charming smile.

Nanna looked ready to bolt as he strode over to them, stopped only by Sigyn’s arm chaining her in her place and courtesy forcing her to say, “Good morning prince Loki.”

“Morning.” He ignored the pointed looks Sigyn was sending his way, knowing she would thank him later. “I was considering going for a stroll through the woods. You ladies wouldn’t like to join me would you? It gets terribly lonely among the flowers.”

Nanna paled at the question, Sigyn hinting more with her eyes than words that, “I don’t think that’s a good idea. That wolf lives there now doesn’t he?”

“Fenrir?” Loki scoffed, “He’ll be asleep right now. Besides, are you really telling me you don’t feel safe with a frost giant keeping watch? Surely something as terrifying as a Jotun should have nothing else to fear and therefore be unable to fight.”

“I suppose,” Nanna mumbled, not looking too happy about it.

“Excellent.” He didn’t give them time to come up with another excuse, wrapping himself in the middle of the two of them and starting off towards the back of Frigga’s gardens and into the woods where Thor, thankfully, was too busy to keep him away from today.

He had a goal in mind as he wandered amongst the trees. Chatting idly with the two ladies he tried to keep them on his path, while also keeping an eye out for Fenrir. Loki wasn’t actually too sure Fenrir would be sleeping, and while Loki knew his son wouldn’t attack if Loki said not to, just the sight of him would have Sigyn and Nanna running back for the nearest guards. So he avoided any freshly trodden paths and by late noon he steered his two companions into the little niche he’d found as a child.

“Wonderful isn’t it?” He asked, watching the waterfall. It fed into the river that ran not too far from his hut. The mountain was still a good stretch away, the water itself flowing from a cliff face that marked the beginning of the rocky terrain. 

“It’s beautiful,” Nanna murmured, already transfixed on the hawk that was preening in the rocks. 

She was there most of the afternoon, sitting in a bed of flowers and just watching the bird above. As boring as the past time was, Loki much preferring to play or aggravate the hawk than simply watch it, the distraction gave Loki time to catch up to Sigyn’s new plot.

“Could have filled me in earlier,” Loki huffed.

“I doubt Thor would have been as approving of it as you,” Sigyn countered, the both of them agreeing that Thor’s renewed interest wasn’t working out for either of their bored minds. “Besides, it’s much easier approaching her when you’re not around. She’s been rather helpful.”

Especially in getting nearer Balder. Being friends with Nanna meant that she got invitations to spend time with the two of them when before it had just been her showing up in his path. It also meant that Nanna was more open to spilling little details about Balder that only a lover would know. Something that explained the new hairstyle anyway. 

Loki didn’t know if he liked it. Sigyn was starting to look less like Sigyn every time he saw her.

They journeyed back before it got too dark, Loki claiming Fenrir would be waking soon. The girls were almost running as night did fall as they breached the steps. Sigyn Loki waved off easily, but Nanna had started sleeping more and more in the palace now Balder had officially moved in. It meant he was stuck walking with her in an uneasy silence until they reached the hall that would split them into different sections of the palace.

“I had a great time,” Nanna said before Loki could simply walk off.

“Yes, me too. I know Sigyn likes her fluffy things and often there are rabbits that live there.” He used to turn into a fox and chase them when he got frustrated in his Allspeak lessons. 

“Do you think we could go back some time?” Nanna asked. 

“To the meadow?” Loki clarified, still baffled when Nanna nodded. “With me?”

“Well you didn’t eat me did you?” Her laugh tapering off when Loki didn’t join in. “I think I’ve been rather unfair to you and I’m sorry. You seem nice, and you have a good smile- when you do smile that is.”

He almost laughed himself at the way she was basically prostrating herself so she could get back to that meadow. Loki didn’t think Balder would take her, even if she begged him and sucked him until he couldn’t walk. Balder wasn’t a fighter and Nanna knew that, so if anyone was going to keep the big bad wolf and whatever else lay in that forest away from her so she could see a pretty waterfall it would be the Jotun. 

Still, an opportunity was an opportunity. He even plastered on another smile for her, “You’re very kind. And of course I would love to take you back. Besides, just because Sigyn didn’t see her bunnies today doesn’t mean she won’t want to go back and find them. She can be insatiable when she wants to be.”

Nanna’s eyes grew distant for a moment, a red tint overtaking her cheeks before she ducked her head, muttered goodnight and strode off down the hallway to Balder. He thought it odd until he felt the hand come up to the small of his back and Thor’s, “Who’s insatiable?”

“Sigyn,” Loki said, striding off to their chambers before he could be herded there like an errant child. 

He took Sigyn and Nanna out to the meadow three times that month, on each Nanna would journey off to some part of the meadow to gaze at the birds. Sigyn, Loki managed to keep entertained. At first, he found the rabbits he’d claimed lived there and watched as she cooed and brought up memories Loki would rather soon forget about his time being one of the furry animals in her lap. But, since the rabbits weren’t always certain there were other things he found that kept her from attempting to coerce him to play pet again.

Swimming it was that day, the pair of them stripped down and underwater, splashing each other like children while Nanna watched on aghast. He was pretty sure Nanna had skipped out on fun in childhood and was merely born into plain boring adulthood. That thought only got stronger as Nanna refused to look at them any longer while they were unclothed. 

“It’s not like I’ve never seen a naked woman before,” Loki called, him and Sigyn giggling to themselves as Nanna turned further away from them, the only sign they had she was listening the colour of her cheeks. “On Midgard, if it was hot enough we just lay around naked all day. And Jotnar aren’t shy either.”

Sigyn snorted before adding, “It’s not like we’re doing anything. It’s fun Nanna.”

“You’re both children,” she called, still not facing them.

“Fair enough,” Loki agreed, splashing Sigyn quickly.

They had a quick tussle, Loki seeing Nanna turn around at one point before scandalously whipping back to her intense gaze at that poor hawk. After that Loki didn’t see much of anything as Sigyn managed to dunk his head. 

He came up to a sight he wished he hadn’t, one of Sigyn’s nipples grazing his arm and starkly reminding him why fate hated him. Here was a beautiful woman, one he was sure he could persuade to his bed for one night if he so wished, and he could do nothing about it. He felt cheated, and while he may once have damned Sigyn’s company altogether she wasn’t exactly a bad looking girl. In fact, she was very beautiful. Witty, smart, and so very naked.

“I don’t understand why you waste your time on Balder,” Loki said quietly. 

The easy smile slipped from Sigyn’s mouth, replaced instead with a wary look at Nanna and a small blush. “What do you mean?”

“Just that he doesn’t deserve you.” He really didn’t. “He’s beautiful, I’ll give you that. But what else is there to him? No, tell me,” he insisted when he saw Sigyn rear up.

She deflated, but only slightly as she considered his question. “Well he’s- I mean, he’s kind.”

“And? Will kindness serve you forever?”

“I suppose not,” She agreed, looking more and more confused the longer Loki was on this path of conversation. 

“What did he say to you?” A question he’d been more than eager to ask since the day it happened. “That day with the prank. What did he say?”

At that she reared up once more, that defensive fire back in her eyes as she hissed, “Nothing. Leave it.”

“Fine,” he agreed, if not completely sincerely, “But it makes my point. Balder can’t be eternally kind. There must be more to him.”

“Well there isn’t,” Sigyn snapped, the pair of them rearing up when the trees rustled and in stepped in a party Loki certainly wasn’t expecting today.

“My, my,” Loki drolled when he got his wits about him, “If it isn’t my darling husband. What are you doing here Thor?”

Thor made that annoyed grunt he always did when Loki made sarcastic husband remarks, his eyes roaming over the abandoned clothes and the two in the stream. “Balder thought you might be up to some mischief.”

“And I wasn’t wrong,” Balder sniffed, practically flounding over to Nanna, the both of them sharing a sickening embrace. “Honestly Thor,” He called, “He’s indecent. Nanna doesn’t need to see that.”

It took calm Loki didn’t know he had not to snap back at that. He took a breath, separating himself further from Sigyn to pointedly drag himself out the stream in full view of Balder. A little revenge, but not enough to make Sigyn whack him about the ears later. He put all of his attention back on Thor, “I thought you were busy today.”

“I was,” Thor agreed. “But then Balder told me about your little hideaway in the woods.”

“Let me guess,” Loki stopped him, “He was too afraid to come himself.” If his voice carried loud enough to reach Balder then so be it. 

Thor smothered a smile, “There is a wolf here now.” At the mention of it the mirth left Thor’s face, “Speaking of which we should head back. It was foolish of you to come without telling anyone.”

“I flinch one time,” Loki sighed, but dutifully got dressed and threw Sigyn’s dress her way. 

The way back was full of half hearted attempts at conversation with Balder. The man didn’t know whether to cast suspicion or be jovial, which just made Loki’s earlier assumption that kindness wasn’t a constant state of mind all the more truthful. 

Although what mischief Balder thought Loki was up to with Nanna of all people he couldn’t begin to contemplate.

So Loki tuned out the conversation when it turned into another long stare up and down Loki’s person, and instead drove his gaze back to his adoring husband, especially since Sigyn was just as dreamy eyed as Nanna right now with Balder present. 

“You didn’t have to come all this way to fetch me. I’ve lived in these woods alone for years, or have you forgotten that?”

“I haven’t.” Thor huffed, “But that was before there was a wolf living here.”

Always back to Fenrir. “The wolf isn’t going to hurt us. It was a gift. If my brother wanted me dead he would have sent something more certain than a wolf to eat me Thor.”

“But…” Thor frowned, “You’re afraid of it.”

“No,” Loki may have gotten a fright but he wasn’t afraid. “It’s a wolf. There are far more frightening things out in the nine realms than a wolf.” Like Skrymir. “Besides, I can shapeshift. One swift bark and Fenrir would turn tail back to his den.”

“Fenrir?” Thor repeated slowly, “You named the wolf?”

“It,” Loki stalled, ending with, “Seemed fitting. I didn’t think you would mind anyway. It’s not like you’ve visited him.”

He could tell Thor was rearing up to start on just when Loki had visited Fenrir himself, but at that moment they came into the brightly lit path that led into Frigga’s garden. Also, where all four of Thor’s friends were waiting for them, none of them too pleased with the interruption to their no doubt busy day.

“Sigyn,” Thor said, “I think it best you go with Balder. Loki and I need to have a talk about a few things.”

“Sounds ominous,” Loki noted, waving Sigyn off anyway. 

She barely seemed to hear them, floating behind Balder in a daze that only love could instill. 

Of course, Thor’s little talk couldn’t happen immediately. He had his friends to see to first, all of whom had been in conference with him about some upcoming quest to Vanaheim to see how the repairs were doing when Balder had come rushing in with tales of Loki’s wickedness. He was sent to wait, therefore, in a room adjoining the one they retired to like an errant child. No books were gifted his way, no parchment or ink, nothing to relieve the boredom that pressed in almost instantly as he waited. 

They were in there hours. Long enough for Loki to consider sneaking out Thor’s words be damned. But, without Sigyn as his companion, or Thor walking him about, Loki wasn’t sure how well he would be received should he go wandering. Again, it had improved since he’d first returned, but not so much that Loki felt safe wandering the streets for a long period of time. Especially when it was starting to get dark. 

Finally, just as Loki managed to snag the best portions of meat before it went in to the others, Thor called it a day and took him back to the palace. 

The so called talk Thor wanted to have, Loki thought, was just an excuse to have him watched since there was no talking when they got in. Instead, Loki was subjected to a long, hard stare, before Thor moved off to his little niche and the book that was always waiting there for him. 

A waste of an afternoon if you asked Loki. 

Come the next day, Loki found certain things, once more, made difficult for him. Sigyn and Nanna were very pointedly off limits, Balder going so far as to situate them in a crowd that Loki knew hated his very guts since they were all Balder’s less than kind peers. The forest now had guards patrolling anywhere they thought Loki might sneak through, and while Loki had thought this was Thor’s doing to begin with he was proven wrong when, asking, he found out it was Balder himself that had put in a complaint to the king and queen about the lack of security surrounding the wolf. 

He could have just flown over the guards, he probably should have too, but Frigga caught him before he could do such a thing and had him in her chambers for the majority of the day instead. It was pleasant work. Between checking Odin’s papers Frigga would come sit with him, maybe ask which of her collection had taken Loki’s liking that day. Mostly, however, she tried to use this time with him to talk about how he was, a subject not really that comfortable, but easy enough to answer so long as he was speaking on a broad plane.

“And what about Jotunheim?” Frigga had moved from her desk, Loki taking the little invitation to curl up in the niche at her side almost unconsciously.

“What about it?”

“How is it?” She asked.

He shrugged, “I don’t know. Shouldn’t you? You get reports from them now don’t you?” Ever since the casket had been restored there was really no reason to keep Jotunheim isolated. Not since doing so might mean another rebellion. While they wouldn’t have Loki at the forefront, Jotunheim had tasted victory, and it would be all too easy for someone to say the right words and Asgard was looking at another Vanaheim situation. 

“We’re supposed to,” Frigga agreed. “And from what I hear the people are prospering. But I meant have you looked in on them.” She made a motion to the mirror opposite them, her meaning becoming clear at last.

He hadn’t actually looked in on them. He’d wanted to, those first few weeks in Asgard. He’d wanted nothing more than to conjure Jotunheim and step through, wreak his revenge through the land until there was nothing but bodies piled up. But he’d relented and did nothing, figuring it was better to bide his time while Jotunheim was still strong and he so weak. At full strength now, his desire to see Jotunheim had dwindled even further. There was something humiliating about looking in on a world that was doing so well without him. He may have brought them victory, but it as Skrymir’s name they were all worshipping now. So, “No, I haven’t. They’ve turned their back on me, so why shouldn’t I do the same to them.”

“Your brother asks after you,” Frigga said.

He hesitated only a moment before asking, “Which one?” His curiosity always needing to be sated.

“Helblindi,” Frigga answered, the name wholly unexpected. “He wants to know whether you are well. Among other things.” She said the last part quieter than the other, Loki sitting up slightly in response.

“What other things?” Here it was, the crux of why she had been forcing Thor to be nice to him. He could feel it in his bones this was it. 

“Well, as Thor’s husband and future ruler of Asgard there are certain-”

“Are you joking?” Loki hissed, knowing what lay at the end of Frigga’s sentence. “Of course,” he huffed, “Of course! I should have known there was a reason this was accepted by the council.” Even if half of them had been adamant against it being Loki himself that should be the one tied to their prince. Something about him being an upstart and a sneaky snake that would be their undoing. “So tell me, just how long do I have before I have to be pinned down every evening?”

“Loki!” Frigga admonished, “You know Thor would never.”

“No, he’s just trying to sweet talk me into his bed.” All those nice things Thor had been doing for him. He had just known it. Thor hadn’t forgiven him. Of course he hadn’t. This was all just a ploy to get Loki to give him little heirs. “Why-why! Why me? He has children. Just name one of those heir, or- why me? He’s part Jotun,” he was grasping at straws, the scant hope he’d had that maybe things could calm down enough for them to be civil once more gone in favour of this deceit. “Why do I have to be the one to do- that. I mean, there’s magic, just get him to change his form or-”

“Loki,” Frigga hushed, “Loki no. I didn’t mean it that way. Darling you know I would never let you be used like that. I’m just saying that’s what your brother is concerned about. Children we can sort out later, whether it be one of Thor’s children or… your own. But it doesn’t have to come to anything you don’t want.”

“I don’t want children,” he muttered. He couldn’t have any more children. The ones he had, they came out wrong, and while Loki didn’t look to Fenrir and see him as wrong the boy wasn’t like Loki or Angrboda in appearance. He was a wolf, a monster Loki had been brought up fearing. Jormungandr, Loki didn’t even know what he looked like. All he knew was that fate had made it so he was the monster Angrboda mated with, and as such his children would be so too. If he did have a child with Thor who knew how it would turn out. Everyone on Asgard would know however. They would know he was wrong even for a Jotun. “I can’t have children,” he said, finding traitorous tears running down his cheeks as what he is finally set in. 

“Oh Loki.” Frigga sighed, hugging him like he was a child again. “No one is going to force you,” she promised.

He stayed there the rest of the day instead of returning to his chambers, content to lie in the warm haven Frigga provided him. When he did go back, after a rather extensive nap, he got the feeling perhaps Frigga hadn’t stayed with him the whole time. 

It may have had something to do with the absence of Thor. It also may have had something to do with all of his favourite dishes laid out like some sort of apology. Embarrassment warred with delayed anger as he picked at the meal, sliding into bed while he still could and hoping, when he woke, there would be no one there still to ask him about something stupid like how he was feeling. 

Naturally, he didn’t get his wish, namely because he woke earlier than expected. It wasn’t morning, the bed dipping dangerously close to the edge jolting him into flinging a magicked knife in his assailant’s face. It was avoided, Thor clamping a big meaty hand around Loki’s fist to stop another one.

“I have to go to Vanaheim sooner than expected,” Thor said before anything else could occur. 


	29. Chapter 29

Loki relaxed in his grip, if only because it meant he got a few Thor free days. Then again, that was nothing to really be glad about. “So go. Don’t let me keep you.”

Thor jolted him back up when Loki tried to lie down again, “I wished to speak with you before I left.”

“Why? Your mother force you to do this too?” He couldn’t see Thor’s face, but he didn’t have to in order to know there was a wince at his words.

“You know, it’s not been easy for me either. You just get to float around all day, you don’t have duties or people to see to. All of whom are asking whether you’ve managed to maim me yet.”

“Oh yes,” Loki sighed, “Because it’s so hard to play the victim. If you didn’t want this then you shouldn’t have bound me. And as for floating about the palace, perhaps if you gave me something to do I wouldn’t do so much of it. I’m bored Thor.”

“Boo hoo. You should be thankful you’re not in the dungeons. If I had it my way I would have had you sent there as soon as you showed your face.”

“If you had it your way I’d be popping out fifty kids by now!”

Thor reared up, Loki steadying himself, ready to lash out. Then Thor sighed, “This isn’t what I came to talk to you about.”

“No, you just want to deny that the only reason you’ve been nice to me these past few months is because you weren’t trying to bed me.” He knew how this went. Thor would apologise, say he never meant to even suggest that they should start having children and then probably whisper behind Loki’s back about how ridiculous it was to even have to apologise in the first place. “You should know better than to try and manipulate me.”

“I do. And I don’t need to manipulate you to get you into my bed Loki, that’s all you. Or have you forgotten Jotunheim when you-”

Loki got his fist in Thor’s gut before he could finish, releasing his hand from Thor’s grip and trying his best to just, he didn’t know. It ended up with the two of them fighting anyway. Fists flew, hands grabbed and scratched as best they could. It wasn’t anything dangerous, in fact, they had sparring matches that were worse than this, really it was just a lot of pent up aggression finally being let out between them. 

The worst of it, by far, had to be the screaming. Sentences had long since left them, and the words that were spoken in between howls and and hisses were mainly insults they may have been saving up since way before Jotunheim. Everything was flung between them. Thor’s selfishness, Loki’s self centred attitude. Thor’s lack of brain function and Loki’s superiority complex. It got so deep they started huffing blame at each other for their excursion to Midgard, Thor blaming Loki for always believing the worst in everybody, and that if he had just given Thor a chance they wouldn’t have had to go to Midgard at all. 

“So you regret it then?” Loki screeched, the both of them at a bit of a stand off as a candle and a bowl were ready to be flung in either direction. “You wish you’d never went. That you still hated me?”

The bowl dropped a bit in Thor’s grip, “I never hated you.”

“Don’t even try,” Loki warned.

“Loki I’ve never hated you.” The bowl was firmly below throwing range now. A bad move on Thor’s part. “You broke my heart.”

“And you broke mine a long time ago.” 

Thor sat down, firmly conceding the fight. “Is this about the quests? I thought we’d talked about this? You know any ill will I had was not purposeful.”

“Do I? Because it still sounds to me like we’re having two different conversations.” He set his candle down anyway, keeping his distance as he sat too. It was far too early to be doing any of this. “When I talk about how I felt at being left behind, you still seem to think it’s my fault for having this opinion. I bet not once did you think about what you were doing and how that looked to me.”

“I was doing my duty to my kingdom and my realm.” A line that was more rehearsed than honest.

“And you were enjoying it,” Loki said. “I know I may not have cared so much for Jotunheim when we were children as I do now, but the point still stood that you went there and you killed those people and you enjoyed it Thor. You would come home with this huge grin and tales of slaughter and expect me to praise you for it.”

“Do you expect me to be sorry for that?” Thor challenged, “I enjoyed it, so what? When we went to Midgard the warriors there enjoyed killing. You did too, you were one of them. Are you saying it’s wrong for me to find pleasure.”

“No, of course not.” Because he did. When he went on raids he celebrated like any other man, just like on his alter he enjoyed slitting those people’s throats. “But that’s not the issue. I didn’t have a problem with you enjoying it, I had a problem with you expecting me to. I was frightened every day I was in Asgard. I couldn’t go home, the woman who raised me gave me over to your people only to be slaughtered moments later. Even before that they never really accepted me, and then I come here and I learn that I’m some- monster, and the only friend I made, the only person that knew what I was ended up hating me too. You can say you didn’t. But your friends and your people expect you to believe a certain way and you did. You were so eager to please them you stopped being my friend and expected me to congratulate you on killing a Jotun. Do you have any idea what it’s like to look at your friend and wonder if they’re going to grin like that when they’re hunting you down?”

“It would never be fun if it were you Loki.”

“It has been me.” Or, as Thor so helpfully said before, had they both forgotten Jotunheim. 

“Did you see me grinning?” Thor asked.

“No,” he hadn’t. Thor had barely looked at him. 

“We were getting somewhere, we were friends. And then you did that to me.”

“I didn’t hear you complaining when you were in me.” Petty maybe, but he wasn’t going to let that be used against him. 

The bowl slammed against the floor. “Damnit Loki, you almost brought war to my people.”

“And you slaughtered mine,” Loki countered. “Not just on Jotunheim either. Asgard has brought nothing but misery to the rest of the realms, and you’re too caught up in your duties and keeping face that you don’t see that. Do you even talk to your mother? Have you seen her? Asgard may be where she lives but it has never been her home.”

“If that’s true then Vanaheim most certainly wasn’t my fault.”

“No,” Loki agreed. “It was your father’s.”

Thor huffed out a laugh, “Last I knew my father didn’t sow the seeds of rebellion.”

“I didn’t sow any seeds,” Loki insisted. “You want the truth, the seeds were already there. They killed Frey without any involvement on my part because he was working for your father. Vanaheim has been itching to fight back against Asgard ever since they lost. If I hadn’t intervened you would be looking at something much worse than a rebellion.”

Something sparked in Thor’s eyes, the last of the fight draining out of him once more until he was sat, silent for so long Loki worried he’d said something truly abhorrent. Eventually, Thor stood, moving about the room to collect his things for his trip. It felt wrong to leave the argument where it did, but since Thor didn’t look to be continuing it, Loki hesitantly got up himself and retreated back to his bed. 

The room was truly a mess as Loki picked his way to the sheets. The sparse candles Thor had lit to guide his way to his clothes and armour picking up shards of furniture Loki would need to set right in the morning. Even the bed wasn’t completely unharmed from their fight, some of the sheets ripped in parts with splatters of blood where Loki had caught himself before launching at Thor once more. 

He didn’t try to sleep. Instead he watched as Thor picked up his new favourite book, sighing in defeat before telling Thor, “Come here.” He made room, the movement enough to show Thor he meant it.

“You’re not going to punch me are you?” Thor asked.

“Don’t tempt me.”

Thor sat, Loki picking up his hand to heal his knuckles. “Can’t have you going to Vanaheim injured. Who knows what they might do to you.” Like throw him to Jormungandr. Skrymir had said his son was in place, but just where and whether there was a veil that led to Midgard in Vanaheim remained to be seen. 

“I didn’t wake you to fight,” Thor said quietly. 

“I know.” Loki had just been lashing out really. He’d been humiliated for months and anger always had a way of making him irrational. Still, “I think this has been a long time coming anyway. We both have done things wrong. It’s stupid to think we can just ignore it.”

“It’s hard for me to trust you,” Thor confessed. “I do know why you did it, but the manner of which it was conducted, Loki, I don’t think you understand why I can’t get over it.”

“I do.” He more than did. “But I don’t think you understand that I didn’t do it purely to manipulate you. I could have drugged you Thor, I could have done anything.”

He moved onto Thor’s arm where Loki found a rather sizable bruise blossoming. “My mother had a baby a few years after I turned sixty. It was just before you came to Asgard. I don’t really remember what happened to him, but I know mother didn’t have him one day. She cried for months, and she wouldn’t play with me I was upset too.” Of course he was, Thor was a selfish child after all. But it was easy to see why if he had no one else to compete with for his parent’s love. “When I saw you in her lap, I thought for a moment you might be him, the baby. But, you weren’t and I got angry because mother had been doting on someone who wasn’t part of our family. It’s stupid, I know. But it wasn’t hate that had me stalking you, just worry. I didn’t want to see her crying again.” He brushed his fingers against Loki’s cheek, growing bold enough to cup it when Loki did nothing but move his healing onto another bruise. “She loves you, you know.”

“Because I’m the substitute for the baby she couldn’t keep?” For Balder who was now here and Frigga still wasn’t able to claim as her own. 

“Because you’re you,” Thor insisted. “She may have taken you under her wing because of my little brother but that didn’t mean she had to keep you. I told you, when you left, she was a shadow of herself. It made me remember why I needed you.”

“For your mother?”

“For myself.” Thor’s hand left his cheek, taking residence on the bed near Loki’s hip instead. “Perhaps you’re right, I did conform to other people’s expectations of me. I pushed you away because I knew you would be the one to tell me to stop and I didn’t want that. Being what you saw, maybe still see,” Thor admitted, “It has a lot of perks. Father is more willing to send me on quests. My people and my friends respect me. But there are downsides.”

“You pushed me away.”

“I did.”

It was satisfying to hear it come from Thor’s mouth. The admittance of guilt. For so long Loki had been needing to hear it and now that he had he needed to hear, “Why? Really, why?”

“I told you, the other route has its perks.” He started again when that statement was met with nothing. “I see you among the people you know. Sif makes it a point to seek you out if we’re in the city. I don’t know why. But, I see how you are with them and I saw how you were with your own people. They insult you time and again and yet you walk among them unafraid. On Jotunheim, you managed to gain their respect regardless of those tricks you did. You didn’t win them with tales of glory, you did it by being you, and while my way is faster I wonder how much of a difference I could have made if I hadn’t pushed you away.”

“If you had been you, you mean.” Since Loki still remembered that boy who had walked into Jotunheim unafraid and without his weapon drawn. One who had sought out peace first before bloodshed. Loki wondered just how many quests with Sif and the Warriors Three Thor had given their victims that much respect.

“I can’t change the past,” Thor sighed.

“Neither can I.” Loki moved onto the other arm. “You still haven’t told me why you woke me.”

Thor chuckled, “Suppose I haven’t. It’s not even that important.”

“So you didn’t speak with your mother?”

“I did,” Thor’s smile vanished. “But I figured that could wait until I came back. Balder was the one insisting I talk to you before I left. He doesn’t want you left alone with Nanna anymore.”

“We weren’t alone,” Loki huffed. “Sigyn was there.”

A tight pinch came onto Thor’s face. “Right. Well, he also didn’t want you alone with her either. He thinks you might be… sleeping with them.”

“With Nanna?” Loki snorted. “She’s far too dull for my tastes. She doesn’t even like seeing someone unclothed. How Balder lives with that I don’t know.”

“And Sigyn?” Thor asked slowly.

“What about her?”

Thor tensed up but said nothing more than, “Nevermind.”

He finished patching Thor up, only getting a little satisfaction when he came to more and more hits he got in. Thor’s own hits stung like crazy, but there weren’t many of them, not like on Thor himself. It just showed that Loki was able to hold his own against Thor. 

“Done,” Loki said after one more check. 

“Thank you.” He didn’t move away, not immediately, but seemed to discard whatever he did want to say in favour of, “I’ll bring you some wine back. We should be going to one of the cities outside of the capitol. The wares shouldn’t be as… destroyed.”

Loki gave an appreciative groan at the prospect, bidding Thor goodnight as he turned on his side. 

Thor was gone for three whole weeks. Between then and now Loki had done nothing but be bored the whole time. Balder, not trusting Loki to keep his word, since he’d never actually gave it, had taken to herding both Sigyn and Nanna around all day everyday. When he wasn’t doing that, Balder was with Loki giving him lectures on purity and commitment, like he actually thought Nanna would sleep with a Frost Giant. It almost made Loki want to do something stupid, like have Balder find him, say, bathing with her. Nothing too extreme, but indecent enough that the trust between Nanna and Balder would be lost forever.

Of course, Loki also knew if he did that he would be facing much worse than lectures. As a secret prince while he didn’t have the same amount of power as Thor, he did have some, and with his likable nature Balder could make things very bad for Loki.

So, with no one to occupy his time social wise, Loki found himself stuck with Frigga for most of his day. Not necessarily a bad thing. But Frigga was Queen of Asgard and as such had duties to attend to. In the first few days she had liked nothing more than having Loki around. Since he was going to fill her role eventually when Thor took the throne she saw it as good practice for him, and since he’d already been doing the majority of ruling in Jotunheim it wasn’t like he was inept for the jobs she bestowed upon him.

At least until Odin found out. Loki hadn’t really had time to talk with the Allfather, nor did he wish to. Just seeing Odin had Loki wanting to kneel and beg his forgiveness, and Loki had a lot of things he needed forgiving. So their interactions so far had been lunch in Frigga’s rooms where both would try and avoid each other’s eyes as much as possible. 

Loki, therefore, didn’t know what Odin thought of him. Only that, when Odin found out that Loki was seeing documents he shouldn’t he had Frigga stop and instead give Loki meaningless, boring tasks.

“He’s just a bit untrusting these days,” Frigga excused.

Which was fair enough, it just meant that Loki’s days lost what little interest they had and ended up in one long boring mass. The only reprieve he had was when he visited Fenrir. With so much laying around and doing nothing by nightfall Loki was bursting to stretch his legs. 

He led Fenrir on a hunt more nights than not. On one occasion they chased a fern all the way up the mountains back to its nest. The hunt lasted three days, and while Loki didn’t regret the time he spent away from the palace the people inside sure tried to make him. 

Worried sick they claimed they were, but Loki could read behind their concern and see that they had really hoped he would never come back. Frigga, again, was the only one to express true concern, telling him to inform her if he was going to go off adventuring, and seeming to entice him into staying instead of wandering off more by having the servants bring up his favourites once more for breakfast. Of course, he had to be punished somehow, and whether Odin knew this or not his renewed presence at luncheons and meals he usually took alone or with the council definitely seemed to be of a punishing nature to Loki.

Needless to say he didn’t wander off again, too afraid he was of finding the guard ready to escort him to the dungeons if he should. While Loki did crave death that didn’t mean he wasn’t afraid of it. So he behaved and stayed in the palace all those long days until the horns finally sounded signalling Thor’s return.

He was the first out the palace, beating even the guards and Odin himself as Thor rode up with his friends in tow. He looked decidedly haggard, but not so much so that he didn’t catch Loki when he flung himself at Thor. “You’re back,” Loki breathed, never more excited to be able to walk the city in peace than he was now. 

“I am,” Thor said slowly.

There was a scattering of applause from those gathered, Loki drawing back to drag Thor up the steps and towards where Frigga and Odin would be standing. The customary welcomes were given, Thor promising to give more information on his travels further into the palace and away from prying ears. The feast for Asgard was, naturally, announced, Thor finally being dismissed to clean up with one last hug from Frigga.

Loki wasted no time dawdling when she was done, taking Thor up to their chambers with a demand to, “Tell me everything. Your travels, where you stayed, how the people are. I need to know.”

“You’re…” Thor stumbled, taking his armour off as he searched for the right words, “Eager today.”

“Well that’s what happens when you take away my only companion.” 

Thor sighed, unloading his pack, the wine inside being slid towards Loki as Thor’s precious book was given a more delicate reentry into their chambers. “I didn’t say you had to stay away from her completely. Only that Balder didn’t want you alone with her. You could have talked with her in a public setting.”

“I tried,” Loki said. “You know what I got for it? A lecture? Does everyone in Asgard think I’m some lecherous deviant?”

“Of course not,” Thor soothed, “They only worry because you used to be so close with Sigyn, and, I suppose, they have certain expectations regarding our relationship.”

“Yet they do not speak a word about you and Sif,” Loki muttered. 

Thor’s cheeks heated, the boot in his hand creasing slightly before he said, “Loki, you know what happened between us was-”

“Nothing, I know,” Loki waved off. “The point still stands though does it not? You have children running around all over the place and if you made more with someone that wasn’t me the people would likely rejoice. Yet if I so much as seek out another person’s company I get slandered seven ways to Helheim. Did you know they think I had an affair with your mother?” He’d learned those rumours were still circulating after he returned from supper with Frigga. “They still do. They think that’s the reason she is so kind to me.”

“What?” Thor laughed, more incredulously than from humour, “Who is saying this?”

“Everyone,” Loki waved off once more. “Whatever the case, you are trying to distract me. How was Vanaheim?”

Thor told him, reluctantly, about his trip. There wasn’t anything special about it. There were a few skirmishes to deal with in the capitol before they moved onto the other cities. Hogun visited his family, which is where they stayed the majority of their trip. It was… something of a surprise to learn Hogun had family in Vanaheim. It certainly explained why Hogun in particular would have a problem with Loki and what he’d done. 

The reason they looked so haggard had to do with what happened after they left Hogun’s home. With Jotunheim now able to travel between the worlds Thor and his friends encountered a party of giants trying to sell their wares in Vanaheim.

“Let me guess,” Loki interrupted, “You said something stupid, or one of your friends did, and a fight broke out.”

Thor didn’t even try to pretend that wasn’t usually the case when he went adventuring, but he did surprise Loki when he said, “Actually, one of the children the giants had brought with them to Vanaheim had gotten lost among the city. We offered our services to find them.” Which ended up with all of them facing down a troll trying to use the kid for leverage against some Vanir that had wronged her.

“Oh,” Loki said. “So, do you see a lot of Giants when you go beyond Asgard?” He couldn’t help but be curious. Just wondering what the reception the giants got had him brimming to go to his mirror and see for himself. 

“Yes actually,” Thor said, “Mostly in Vanaheim, but I’ve been told a few go to Alfheim too. None have stepped foot in Midgard however, a good thing I suppose.” Since that had been what had started all of this. “A few of them have asked after you when they learn who I am.”

“Really?” Loki wasn’t so curious to hear about this. “Good for them.”

Thor didn’t say anything more on the manner, and instead turned the conversation around to what Loki had been doing while he was gone. All in all, the welcome home hadn’t been anything exciting. But it was civil, and calmer than half their other interactions had been. Nothing would ever get back to what it was, but this wasn’t too far off that Loki wasn’t grateful for it. 

They had to leave when the servants came to collect Thor for the feast. Loki had half a mind to feign some illness, had not the thought of people talking about Thor and his own marital bed behind his back turned his skin. Thor had the decency to try to swipe Sigyn, stopped only when Balder appeared to whisper some hushed complaints about Loki. It meant Sigyn was left where she was, not looking too upset with that as Balder sat next to her, and Loki was once again left with little choice but Thor and his own mind.

The feast itself was nauseating. More than one smug look and comment were sent Thor’s way, most of them about how surprised they were Loki was sitting so comfortably in his seat. The food and drink were the only saving grace from that, Loki purposefully eating everything, bones and skin and all, to spite the Asgardians looking down on him.

At some point, Sif and the Warrior’s Three worked themselves up to the main table. The conversation stayed on Thor for the most part, until Volstagg’s oldest toddled their way over to him. He made the climb onto the bench alright, Loki being reminded of Hron the whole while those legs tried to find a good foothold. Even when he was up he was too small to reach the grapes that had been his prize, Loki sliding them over to him with an encouraging smile.

“What’s your name then?” Loki asked.

“Alaric,” he sounded, stumbling over the long vowels until it took twice as long as it should have to say.

Alaric. Thor had informed him, more out of spite at the time, about Volstagg’s children. Alaric was the oldest at twenty, which meant that Volstagg must have had him when Loki was still in Asgard. Not something Loki should have been surprised to learn yet he was. He thought, even when he wasn’t on friendly terms with them, that he still knew a good deal about them. Yet Volstagg had a child and Loki had been unaware of it until Jotunheim. 

Alaric stuffed his face with grapes, as unafraid as any child was of an unseen danger. It made Loki smile in remembrance to his own childhood. 

“You know,” Loki said, “When I was your age my mother had me raiding on Midgard.”

That caught the little things attention, “My age?”

“You’re twenty aren’t you?”

“Twenty three,” The boy boasted proudly.

Loki nodded, “My mother had me on my first boat when I was nineteen. I couldn’t do much mind. The men only kept me because they thought I would happen to fall overboard.”

Alaric scrunched up his nose, “I thought Frost Giants didn’t have raids.”

“They don’t,” Loki agreed, “Or, they didn’t. But, I didn’t grow up in Jotunheim. My father left me in Midgard. It’s where I lived until I was fifty.”

“You lived in Midgard? With the Midgardians?” He had a hundred questions after that. What were they like, were they much different from Asgardians? Did Loki ever seen a Bilgesnipe on Midgard? What animals did he see? 

It made Loki homesick for the home he’d never really appreciated. The one where the biggest problem he had to face was going hungry or fighting off a bunch of mean teenagers. Siv hadn’t been caring at the end, but she had been in the beginning. Besides, she never cast him away when he came home from a raid. Nor did she make him go hungry needlessly. She had tried as best she could.

It also made him long to remember more about her, about Midgard. So much had changed last he’d been there, and from Skrymir’s words he would probably not recognise his former home. The memories he did have were fading, as age was want to do with them, and as Loki told more about the riches that were now just scant trinkets they would bring home from raids he wished there were more people around that could help fill in the blanks in his memory.

“Do you think I could go on adventures?” Alaric asked. 

“I don’t know, you’d have to ask your parents,” Both of whom were keeping close watch on the two of them. “But,” he said when Volstagg near murdered him with a glare, “I think you may need a few decades before you can think about starting your first.”

“But you were my age,” Alaric huffed.

“Yes. But I’m also a Frost Giant,” It had to have some benefits. “Frost Giant children are a bit sturdier than Asgardians, even the runts. If I hadn’t been able to withstand the cold or was stronger on my feet than most children I wouldn’t have even come back from my first raid.”

“I’m strong,” Alaric insisted, “And I don’t have to wear that many layers when it gets cold. I can go on adventures,” he decided.

“Hmm, but can you fight?” Loki countered. “I got at least a few weeks with the axe before they just put me on board. If you ask me, I would get your father to teach you some fighting skills before you start planning your journey. You wouldn’t want to end up in trouble with no way out now would you?”

Alaric deflated with a mumbled, “I guess,” And like most children bounced back in moments with more questions that kept Loki entertained the rest of the night. 

When it finally came to an acceptable time to retire, he found Alaric almost following him out the hall in search for more tales of wonder. Volstagg eventually had to intercept, promising Alaric he could ask his questions at another date and surprising Loki with a hearty good night. It was the most Loki had gotten out of him since Jotunheim. 

His bed was a comfort when he slid into it, mainly because Thor would be gone a while longer so he had it all to himself. Sleep, on the other hand, was not. The memories he’d dredged up at the feast were tormenting him once more now. Loki was once more small and blue on a boat that was endlessly rocking and endlessly trying to throw his too slow limbs overboard. 

It was awful, and when Loki woke he could still feel the room around him swaying like the sea. Mainly because Thor was trying to shift himself quietly next to him. By quietly, Loki meant drunkenly, which wasn’t quiet at all. 

With Thor back, and after he’d delivered his report to his parents, Loki monopolised most of his time by insisting they needed to go to the city. It was good breathing the air of freedom once more, seeing the people cast him suspicious but not murderous gazes. He was so happy he shared his honey cakes with Thor in thanks. 

It got even better when dark came. While Thor had his friends insisting that they needed some time too, Loki could use the excuse of being in his room to sneak off and see Fenrir once more. Being able to roam around the city meant he wasn’t itching to journey to the mountains and these days he usually found himself playing rather than hunting with his steadily growing son.

He was teaching Fenrir about trails, how to leave and follow one that night. Fenrir picked it up rather fast, and while he was big he could be stealthy when he wanted to. They managed to track down a family of rabbits, Loki letting Fenrir eat the majority of them before he saw him back to their den and left for the night. 

He had rabbit between his teeth when he changed back, the small shard of bone irking his tongue as someone pointedly cleared their throat. Thor was the only one that wasn’t looking at him like he’d just ate a baby.

“Fenrir alright?” Thor asked.

“Fine,” Loki wasn’t looking that easy going acceptance of his time with the wolf too closely right now. “We found some rabbits.”

“I can see that.” Thor tossed a wet rag at Loki, dabbing at his own face where some blood must have stuck. 

“I didn’t realise we were having guests.” They still weren’t looking at Loki any kindly. Sif especially, although that could just be because these weren’t her chambers. He still hadn’t forgotten that kiss. “I can leave if you like.”

“No,” Thor said, a bit too quickly. “It’s fine.” A pointed look to his friends, “I mean, are you sleeping?”

“It is what people do when it’s late.” He nabbed his sleepshirt from the bed. “I’ll leave you to it.” He didn’t wait for a reply, shutting himself into the nursery he still hated and made himself at home.

He knew that this was Thor’s attempt at bringing some kind of peace between Loki and his friends. The why since there was only a smidgen of peace between Loki and Thor himself these days was beyond him. Nevertheless, Thor perhaps should have waited a while before trying to ambush Loki into spending some time with them once more. 

It was alright when they were passing each other. In social situations there were always other people to talk with, which mean conversation between Loki and themselves was very rare. But one on one time wasn’t. Loki hadn’t just betrayed Thor, and worse, at least Thor had known the true reason why Loki was in Jotunheim. The others, they had all thought Loki was Aesir until he told them otherwise. They had a lot of things to hold against him.

Still, that didn’t stop Thor from attempting to throw the six of them together once more every chance he got. If Loki wanted to go into the city and Sigyn was busy Thor herded him a way that would lead them to his friends at some point. In the evenings, Thor no longer went out, and instead tried his hardest to make Loki stay and socialise when Fandral or Sif came around. Even when Loki tried to make it near impossible for Thor to hail his friends they still crossed each other’s paths. It made Loki wonder if this was part of the whole ‘fate’ thing too. He wouldn’t be surprised. At this rate, prolonged exposure and a rekindling of their hate for Loki would end with them making his life miserable at some point. It was only natural that afterwards Loki would find himself hating them in turn and falling into a pit of despair so deep he would want to set off the end of all worlds.

Months ended up passing with Thor still not learning from his mistakes. Loki had taken to spending full nights with Fenrir, going back only in the morning to see if they had finally decided to give him something proper to do before returning back to his son. 

Until one night Loki made the mistake of going to his chambers. He had an odd craving for boar, and since he couldn’t just magically find one he hoped Thor’s insisten appetite would mean there was one waiting for him in his rooms. 

There was. There was also little Alaric munching happily on some sweet meats, Volstagg and his wife around the fire this time instead of the usual two. Volstagg, like Hogun, was rare to be seen this late at night, namely because Volstagg had a wife and children he had to care for when he wasn’t galavanting off with his friends. Hogun on the other hand, Loki didn’t really know what he did in his spare time. Whatever it was, it meant he too was tied up and unable to make Thor’s late night attempts at peace making. 

Yet not tonight it seemed as Hogun too appeared from the bathing chamber shaking his damp hands. 

“Loki!” Alaric greeted around a treat. 

Thor perked up from his place beside Volstagg’s wife, grinning triumphantly as the pieces of his trap fell into place. With only a resigned sigh, Loki plastered on a smile and went to go grab some boar. 

“What can I do for you tonight Alaric?” 

More questions. This time about Jotunheim. He’d been hearing some odd rumours from the children down at the docks about Loki’s teeth being made from Midgardian children’s and wanted to know if it were true. After his surprise that this particular story was still in circulation Loki regaled the same tale he did with the other children, Alaric, at the end, poking them to make sure Loki hadn’t been lying. 

“They don’t feel very different,” Alaric noted.

“No, I suppose they wouldn’t.” He grabbed a rather thick bone from the boar, “But then, appearances can be deceiving.” he bit straight through it, the bone shredding easily under his teeth.

He had to stop Alaric from trying the same thing, and moved them onto another topic of conversation before Loki was made into some kind of play for Alaric’s amusement. It was the most social he’d been in a while really, and while it was with a child, Alaric had the mental capabilities to understand a lot more than people thought. Loki certainly had at his age. 

Eventually the night got away from him, and before he knew it he had a sleeping child teetering closer and closer to his arm than he would have liked. He ended up picking Alaric up and dumping him on Volstagg before accusations could be flung around. With one sturdy “Good night,” he took himself away and went back to Fenrir, not needing to hear the comments that were sure to follow his escape. 


	30. Chapter 30

Thor used Alaric five more times after that to get Loki to stay. He managed to do it in a way that Loki couldn’t predict when or where the small child would be present, ergo, when he did show up Loki had no choice nor any plan to escape and settled himself down for a few hours. 

At the end of the fifth time, just as he dropped Alaric once more in Volstagg’s lap he thought to mention, “You don’t have to bring Alaric if you don’t want to. You’ve been friends long enough Thor won’t hold it against you if you say no.” As good an out as any other Loki could have given. 

Yet instead of nodding and agreeing with Loki’s sound words Volstagg instead said, “I don’t mind bringing him. He likes you.”

Loki felt himself blink a few times, “Still,” he said, “It’s probably best you keep him away anyway.”

“Don’t see why. It’s not like you haven’t looked after a child before. You’ve got more experience than Thor anyway and he has his own younglings to see to.”

Something Loki continued to ignore since thinking about it would lead to speculation and would then lead him to question every child he met in Asgard’s parentage. 

“Have you heard much from your family since you’ve come back?” Volstagg pressed, and not unkindly. He seemed genuinely interested in Loki’s response.

“No.” He left, not wanting to continue the conversation further.

He hadn’t heard much from his family. All he had was what Frigga had told him. Helblindi was worried. That was all. Nothing more nothing less. No letters. No attempts to send a party to check on him. They really had gotten what they wanted out of him and left him to rot. 

He ended up destroying the nursery instead of retreating to the woods. His magic made quick work of messing things up while his hands pulled and smashed whatever else was in his path. When he was done, lying in the carnage of his wrath, he tried to pin point just what made him do this. 

He wasn’t even angry. Not really. Yet there were tears building behind his eyes, ones he furiously scrubbed away in favour of destroying that bloody crib that still was somewhat standing. 

Thor didn’t even knock, just let himself in and lay down next to him. “Volstagg is gone.”

“Wonderful,” Loki spat. 

“You know we could hear you from the next room?” Since there was only a wall between them. That way, when Loki did eventually pop out a child they wouldn’t have to travel far to see to its screeching. 

“I didn’t exactly try and keep quiet.” He sniffed, trying to keep his nose from erupting all over him. “Why don’t you ever see your children?”

“Is that what this is about?” Thor asked gently. When Loki didn’t rely he sighed, “I do.”

“I never see you.” Thor had his whole day planned out after all. The only free time he got Loki monopolised trying to make his day that bit less boring. Or, he had. 

“I see them in the evenings, sometimes before I meet up with Fandral and Sif. There’s not as many as you think there are,” Thor tacked on, sounding defensive when he did so.

“I don’t have a problem with your children,” Loki hissed. “I just… I think there’s something wrong with me.”

Thor was quiet for a while, like he was waiting for Loki to add more onto that comment. When he didn’t, Thor finally, gently, took his hand, “There’s nothing wrong with you.”

“If one of your children were in danger, what would you do?”

“Protect it,” Thor answered immediately. “When my daughter was born, my first, I asked mother if she could stay in the palace. I always ask. She doesn’t have a problem with it. Father doesn’t either, but the mother’s. They always want more than I offered. Father always lectured me about the trials of women, how as a prince I couldn’t go around sleeping with everyone, I didn’t really understand what he meant until every single one of them asked me to marry them.”

Loki felt a smile tug at his lips, “I’m beginning to think I should have been warning you rather than teasing you when we were younger.” Since even at that age Loki understood why Thor had to be careful who he shared a bed with, he just preferred ignoring or having fun at him instead. 

“Probably. But, as I told them it wouldn’t be fair to either of us. They always say no then, when I come asking if they would like to reside in the palace. A few have stopped me altogether from seeing my children. But I would still do anything for them. I try.” Thor turned slightly to better see him, “Why?”

Why indeed. There was a real answer and then there was the modified one that he told Thor. The one still filled with bitterness at the deal fate had wrought him. “They all left me. Siv, she didn’t look twice when she pushed me on that boat. She would always let me back in but every time they went back out I was there, waving at her retreating back. She handed me over to your people without even a fight. ‘Take him’ she said, because I was nothing more than a burden to her. And that was just her. The men didn’t care about me. A few even tried to leave me behind too. Your mother let me go. She could have kept me away from Jotunheim.” Away from Laufey and Angrboda. Away from destroying his ties with Asgard completely. “She could have kept me and she let me go. And now, they don’t even try to ask about me. They’re meant to be my family and they don’t care.”

If Thor had complaints about Loki’s grip he wasn’t saying anything. He went a step further and sat up, taking Loki with him until he could get a better grip when he hugged Loki. “People care.”

Loki shook his head into Thor’s shoulder. “I can’t have children,” he choked out. “I can’t love them.” 

“Of course you can.”

Whenever he saw Fenrir it wasn’t love he felt for his son. He had respect for him for surviving this long. He also had fear, not for Fenrir however but for himself. It was Loki’s actions that would end up with Fenrir in chains. If he was a good father he would be trying to get Fenrir out of Asgard, away from his fate, but instead fear was keeping Loki in place. Fear of the fates intervening sooner than they should and Odin chaining Fenrir because Loki had tried to free him. So Loki shook his head, knowing in his heat, “I can’t. I’m not capable of it. There’s something wrong with me.”

“If you weren’t capable of love you wouldn’t be this upset,” Thor argued gently. “There’s nothing wrong with you Loki.”

“There is,” he said, traitorous tears falling once more. He was never more thankful than he was now Thor couldn’t see his face. “They didn’t come back for me. They didn’t care about me. And I won’t care about my children. It’s how this universe works. Loki’s just not meant to be happy.”

Thor held him a bit tighter, not saying anything more as Loki finally let his frustration out. 

When Loki calmed enough to be dozing in Thor’s grip his human pillow decided to move. Hefting Loki up like he was a child, Thor carried them next door, somehow pulling off both of Loki’s and his own boots on the way before laying them down gently on the sheets. Loki was probably going to regret sleeping in his clothes, the heat already making him uncomfortable, but the turmoil had drained him so much that all he really registered was being held and the comfortable sheets beneath his body. 

Thor shifted until he was plastered up against Loki’s front, his arms still very firmly wrapped around him. It reminded Loki of their time in Jotunheim, where Thor was so cold without his clothes or anything to keep him occupied that he ended up curling on top of an actual frost giant for warmth. The irony at the time had made him laugh, and even now brought a glimpse of a smile to his lips as he imagined Thor shivering away at some point to burrow into his heavy furs. 

There was a nudge, Thor’s nose against his own, and quiet words that followed Loki into sleep, “I came back for you Loki. Even when you pushed me away I came back and I always will.”

He made a point to avoid Thor for a few days after that, hiding himself in the woods with Fenrir. While some part of him argued that Thor wouldn’t use his little crying session against him, the rest of him kept asking why not. It wasn’t like Thor hadn’t changed since they were children. It wasn’t like he had reason to keep this a secret either. So Loki didn’t want children? His mother knew that, as did half of Asgard with a year in and no spawn on the way.

It wasn’t like people wouldn’t ask either. If Thor had heard him then Volstagg and Hogun had too. They would probably claim they needed to know in case Loki needed another set of eyes watching him. When they found out it wasn’t anything malicious, just Loki feeling sorry for himself while Thor may not use it against him they would. They had reason to, and while some of them may have courtesy Sif certainly didn’t, as soon as she got wind of this she would be climbing Thor like a tree and slandering Loki’s name when she wasn’t.

So he hid himself like a coward, spending his days and nights once more hunting and playing in the trees. When he did go back it was always disguised as a cat, since with so many roaming the halls another one wouldn’t be suspicious. He nabbed a good few portions of meat that way, and others he discovered just what the people of Asgard had to say about him. Also that his own cat, the one Frigga had gifted them, still lived but had made itself at home elsewhere in the palace. Damned thing.

He was napping with Fenrir when their little hidey hole was finally breached by outsiders. A low growl sounded behind him, Fenrir so large now the sound seemed to seep into the very essence of the earth and managed to stall whoever had decided to disturb their nap time. 

The bushes swayed once more, the leaves being pulled back to let familiar eyes peek through. Fandral soon ducked back behind, a whispered conversation that wasn’t really all that secret to something with ears like Loki and Fenrir later the four Asgardians were revealing themselves, hands up to soothe Fenrir’s temper.

“Loki,” Volstagg called, “If that’s you lad we’d appreciate a word.”

So they could ridicule him? No way. He turned his back pointedly on them, burrowing further into Fenrir’s bulk.

“Loki,” Thor tried next, “Mother’s worried about you. She hasn’t seen you in a while.”

The growl seemed to encompass Loki this close, promising the safety that the other four never could.

“Perhaps it would be best to leave?” Fandral suggested, the only one with sense it seemed. “I for one, would much rather not be mauled today. Well, not by this beast.”

Fenrir barked savagely at the name, Loki whining low to soothe him. He wasn’t a beast. He wasn’t even fully grown. 

“Loki,” Thor tried again, “You can’t stay out here forever. If you don’t come back with us now Father is sending the Einherjar next. You know you can’t- you can’t go missing like this.” He can’t go anywhere without Odin knowing Thor meant. His chains, while invisible, were chains all the same. 

He considered letting the Einherjar come get him. It would certainly give the people something to talk about. But, it might also restrict the limited freedom he had. If he was banned from so much as stepping foot outside the gardens Loki might truly go mad then. So, with one last nudge against Fenrir, he skulked his way over to Thor, sitting at his feet as a proper pet should.

Thor sighed at the dramatics, watching Fenrir closely as he picked Loki up while he was still a wolf, and started carefully back to the palace, his friends darting ahead. 

Thor’s words that Frigga had been looking for him held true at least. As soon as Thor plonked him onto a chair in her rooms she was there asking where he’d been. She didn’t demand he changed back. She had been the one to teach him this craft to begin with, and merely pulled out a brush to untangle the knots in his fur. 

He refused to change even as he followed Thor back to their rooms. It was actually easier sleeping like a wolf than it was in his usual Aesir skin, namely because he could soak up the cool on the floor without Thor demanding he get under the covers or risk a stiff neck.

Someone else was in the room with them when he woke, Loki wondering if he could risk bolting again as he heard Thor say, “He’s a bit sensitive at the moment. I think I better stay with him today.”

“If you think that’s best,” Sif said, “But you know he won’t appreciate it. You may as well just leave him alone and come training with us.”

There was a pause, then Thor saying, “No. I think this is best. Besides, I have to go see the twins this afternoon. It’s probably best I don’t get too distracted.”

The door shut with a huff from Sif, Thor trying to quietly move about the room to where he stowed his less than practical everyday wear. 

Thor tried to make conversation that morning. He was doing his best to pretend like he hadn’t just called Loki sensitive, like nothing had happened at all really. It was preferable to talking about it, but it didn’t change that fact that Thor was making a conscious decision to keep Loki’s feelings in mind. If Loki had his way, and could be sure Frigga wouldn’t notice his tampering, he would be wiping all memory of that night from Thor’s mind. 

He stayed a wolf so conversation ended up petering off once more and eventually Thor said he was going. Fine. Loki hadn’t wanted to be back in the first place. 

Yet when he went back outside, hoping to maybe sneak out and spend a few hours in the woods, he found himself picking up Thor’s trail, his curiosity about who these twins were overriding his want for freedom. 

He had images of two lovely ladies. Dark haired, obviously, and butch enough that they could take Thor on. Maybe one might be slender, but she had to have wit about her. Thor didn’t really do boring, hence his interest in Sif. Although why Loki was thinking about the kind of girls Thor liked to sleep with he couldn’t come up with an answer for.

He came out of an alley, a few people giving him a wide berth, some even wondering if he was Fenrir. But no one called the soldiers, which made happening upon Thor all the more easier. 

He wasn’t inside a house, like Loki thought he would be. Instead, he was sitting in the street with two little boys trying to climb him like a mountain. 

Loki found himself oddly disappointed. Probably because if Thor had been with women he could have used that as a means to start an argument. Perhaps that argument in turn could remove this new hesitance with Loki’s feelings and make his breakdown some long distant memory. 

But, Thor wasn’t with women, he was with his children. So, technically he was with a woman, but whatever they had was probably long over now. Especially since the latest child Loki had seen produced from Thor’s loins looked younger than these two.

His nose twitched, picking up a scent he never thought he would in Asgard. He chanced coming closer, smelling it coming from the two boys and the house beyond. It was an electric twang, one he’d usually associated with Thor. It wasn’t unusual for these two to have that smell. What was unusual was the other smell mixed in. It was sharp, something that brought up bad memories of an erupting mountain in Jotunheim.

One of the boys ran down to pick up one of his wooden swords, the other happily sitting in Thor’s lap talking about something he found fascinating. Loki took another sniff, eyes fixing on the door to the twin’s house. The mother had to be a half breed. The question was of what. Loki had only met three in his life, and those had been sired from Frost giants. But he knew now that Frost giants weren’t the only giants in existence, and these boys didn’t feel like they had a chill coming off them. 

Something whacked him on the head, a battle cry following as he was whacked again and again until he was cowering away from the harsh hits.

“Modi!” Thor boomed, the hits stopping as Thor hefted the little boy up.

“It’s a wolf,” Modi protested, his sword still trying to reach for Loki’s head. “He’s gonna eat us.”

“It’s Loki,” Thor set the boy down, keeping one hand on Modi’s stomach to stop him from advancing again, “The most Loki’s going to do is steal your sword.”

It took some more convincing, and actually prying the wooden sword from Modi’s hand before the little guy calmed down. His brother, thankfully, didn’t share Modi’s bloodlust as he stayed where Thor had left him last, sitting on his mother’s doorstep watching the proceedings worriedly. 

Thor didn’t let Loki go when Modi finally went to sit with his brother. Instead, he nudged Loki forward until he was sitting in front of them, looking about as put out as the boys.

“Loki,” he waved his hand around, “These are my boys. This is Modi and this is Magni. Boys this is Loki.”

“I thought you said he was a frost giant,” Magni whispered not very quietly. “He looks more like a wolf.”

“Can I marry a wolf?” Modi asked, as if he’d completely forgotten he’d just tried to kill one.

“Loki’s not a wolf.” Thor amended himself, “Well, he’s not always a wolf. He has magic. He can shape change.”

“Mother has magic and she isn’t a wolf,” Modi frowned.

“Well, Loki has a different kind of magic to your mother.” And because they were children they didn’t question that answer. “Besides, Loki’s not just a frost giant. He’s a prince, one so powerful the Jotnar called him a God.”

The awe he got from the boys had Loki preening a bit. Even if the praise was from Thor it was nice to know someone still remembered what he’d achieved in his short stay in Jotunheim. See, this was why he liked children. They were so impressionable. He could just tell them something and they would accept it as truth. 

“Is that why you married him?” Magni asked, “Because he’s a God like you?”

“Er,” Thor shot Loki a look, Loki not even wanting to help Thor out here, “Sure.”

The boys nodded, Thor crouching down next to them to ease the tension between the three of them even more. It didn’t take much, for all Thor’s talk of Loki’s good nature all he really had to do was ask if they wanted to stroke Loki’s fur and Loki was their new favourite person. 

He played as gently as he could with the little terrors, careful both because of the untamed magic and because he’d been around children enough to know they were very breakable. Even Fenrir had been delicate when he was a pup. Not that they granted him the same courtesy. Magni was a bit more hesitant than Modi when Loki started chasing them around but once they got into it he was pusing Loki with all his might. 

They were strong for children, both Thor’s genes and their Jotnar heritage running strong in them. It was interesting to measure up against them. Even more because Loki knew these were the sturdy two that would end up resowing the earth after Ragnarok. 

It was also frightening because of that fact. Twin sons born of a giant Loki was guessing called Jarnsaxa. Everything was falling into place, just like Skrymir wanted, like the Fates were setting in motion. It would only be a matter of time before Loki found himself setting off Ragnarok. 

The boys eventually settled as it got dark, lounging on Thor’s lap as he started on what they would do next time he came to see them. He seemed to be drawing it out, and for good reason too if what Loki knew of Thor’s former lovers to be true. 

However, not even Thor could stop time passing, and as night finally settled the door to the house opened and a sharp voice called for the boys to say their goodbyes. They did, loudly, with Thor clutching on until he couldn’t anymore. Even when the door closed he stayed sitting there, staring at it like he could see through to the room beyond. 

Loki supposed he wasn’t the only vulnerable one here. 

They stayed there for a while, Loki staying quiet and still, letting Thor make the move to go home. When he did, Loki took care to remember that smell as well as the way to the twins house.

They didn’t speak, or, Thor didn’t speak since Loki still refused to change back, and it was odd to be lying there waiting for something to breach the silence. It wasn’t like before, where animosity was keeping the pair of them in their own world of hate. Now, well, while someone else might have turned to Thor with words of comfort Loki didn’t. Namely because it wouldn’t help. No words of everything being okay was going to help Thor, he couldn’t go back there now and see his children, he couldn’t go there tomorrow and see them either. He’d said outright that it was difficult even talking to his former lovers nevermind asking for an hour to spend with his offspring. Nothing Loki said was going to change that, and even if they did, Loki wasn’t the best person to be offering those kinds of words. 

So he stayed a wolf, and when Thor climbed under the sheets he hopped up himself. It may not have been a complete transformation and Loki giving in, but it was something. Thor certainly appreciated it too as he ran his fingers lightly, then more firmly when Loki didn’t bite him, through Loki’s fur. 

The next day, Loki woke up with a renewed purpose. The way he saw it, if he could distract Thor enough then they would never have to revisit Loki’s breakdown. After a few weeks it’ll just fade into another distant memory, and sure, it might pop up every now and then, but by that time it’ll just be ridiculous to bring up something that both of them clearly shouldn’t be talking about after a significant time gap.

So, finishing his daily brushing session with Frigga and learning that, once again, he had nothing to occupy his day with, he set out into the streets of Asgard. Now, the twins, he noted, looked to be about twenty, maybe a bit older. Around Alaric’s age most definitely.

He shifted just as he reached Volstagg’s house. Painting on his winning smile and hoping he didn’t look too manic he knocked and waited for Hildegund to answer the door. 

“Prince Loki,” She nodded, since no one in Asgard would ever deem him with a bow, despite him being of the same status and rank as Thor. “What can I do for you? Is Volstagg alright?”

“He’s fine. Actually I was hoping I could borrow Alaric for the day. Nothing nefarious,” he promised, spinning some lie about showing him the docks he’d first arrived on when he came to Asgard. 

She was right to be suspicious, but thankfully Alaric had been listening in and immediately recalled Loki’s stories. Hence, after some persuasion, namely Loki saying how bored he was now Sigyn had left him for another playmate, Hildegund handed Alaric over with thinly veiled threats of castration should any harm come to him. 

“Do you think they still have the boat down at the docks? Could you remember it if you saw it?” Alaric rattled.

“I don’t know and I doubt it.” He stopped them before they got too far, making sure they hadn’t been followed by Hildegund or one of her friends. He crouched low, “Now listen, we will go to the docks. But first, we have a special quest we need to fulfil. Can I count on you to keep your silence should I ask it?”

The mere mention of a quest had Alaric nodding, the eagerness to be just like his father setting his shoulders and solemnly promising Loki that he could trust Alaric with anything.

“Good.” He shifted in front of the boy, his hair growing longer and robes changing to a dress.

With promises not to reveal his identity and drilling Alaric to call him Ikol later they were standing outside of the twins house, the half giant, like Loki had rightly guessed, Jarnsaxa, answering. 

Her sire wasn’t a frost giant. Loki knew that right away from the lack of chill coming from her. There were no harsh features either, no sharp planes on her face that would shift into shards of skin like ice. Instead, her face was soft, round, her hair fair and her body plumper than any Frost giant Loki had seen outside of pregnancy. He wanted to blame her other parent, most likely an elf from her ears and skin colour, but Loki had seen such features before, and knew the only giants that were as round as they were strong were the hillfolk. 

Loki eyed her arms, making a small step backwards as he found his voice, greeting her a good morning.

“What do you want?” Was the first thing out of her mouth, her voice just as much a surprise as the rest of her. It was quite soft, but the malice and the way her arms just flexed that little bit too much had Loki sure she was ready to maim him if he didn’t play this right. It was no wonder Thor didn’t want to fight her to see the boys. He would lose. Horribly.

Clearing his throat, Loki picked his smile back up and said, “Well, I heard that you had two lovely boys of your own, and, as a mother, I know how hard it is to work and look after them on your own. So, I had this wonderful thought that maybe I could look after other people’s children as well as my own for a few hours a day- for a small price. Wait, wait!” Loki snapped as Jarnsaxa tried to slam the door in his face. “Just think about it, a few hours where you can get your work done without needing to check on your boys. And you know they’ll be safe I mean, woman to woman, we know our children are the most precious things in the world. I’m not even asking for much, just a small coin. And, I will even tell you where we will be every day just in case an emergency comes up and you need to collect them sooner.”

The door ended up slamming in his face regardless of his argument, but Loki hadn’t really expected it to work the first day. So, bucking up, he swore Alaric to secrecy, changed back to his usual form, and showed the kid around the docks. 

Taking Alaric out for a second day proved to be quite the challenge when it presented itself. Despite Alaric not telling his parents about their visit to Jarnsaxa, and the fact that he’d had the ‘best time’ with Loki down at the docks, Hildegund was reluctant to hand over her son. It was like she thought Loki had ulterior motives. 

Eventually he had to pull the same spiel with her as he did with Jarnsaxa, sprouting boredom once more and even promising to take her friends brats if she would just give Loki something to do with his day.

He ended up eating his words when that ‘something’ turned out not to be looking after Alaric but sitting quietly while he helped her sew up one of Volstagg’s old tunics for her spawns. But, Loki’s patience won out the next day when he came knocking. Hildegund, yesterday, must have taken Loki’s willingness to actually behave as proof of his words that he really was that bored and deprived of good company that he just wanted someone to talk with since she did let him take Alaric out. As well as all of her other children.

When he knocked on Jarnsaxa’s door he had a whole brood running around his legs and in his arms and he didn’t know what it was, whether it was the number of children maybe giving him credibility, or the idea that Jarnsaxa was missing out on quality child care. Anything, but she caved that day and forked over a coin as well as her sons. 

Magni and Modi, thankfully, didn’t recognise Loki, probably because they’d met him as a wolf, and happily ambled along with Volstagg’s brood when Loki started leading them away.

He had a few destinations in mind for the children, sure that Jarnsaxa had spies watching him as more than a few women he caught whispering to each other, the boys waving back oblivious to show they knew them. So Loki took them to the docks, where Asgard’s less fortunate children liked to play and let them run loose for a while. 

The women kept a close eye on him to begin with. But, since Loki wasn’t actually inept at looking after children, they left him alone when he proved he was doing an okay job. He gathered up his charges, doing a head count when he realised he didn’t actually remember their names, and as noon broke he took them to the market, got them some sweets, smiled sweetly at Jarnsaxa’s spies and took them to the green fields around the back of the palace for the rest of the day.

When he returned the twins and Hildegund’s brood he felt like he’d passed some kind of assessment. One that proved to be the scourge of his life when he went back the next day and found himself with more children. 

Trustworthy Jarnsaxa thought he was, and as a result those little spies she’d had on Loki the day before thought him okay enough to look after their children too. He got ten gold coins for his efforts, and had Loki not left Asgard and was still needing the money to live he thought this wasn’t exactly a bad way to earn it. As it was, this was only supposed to be a means to undermine Jarnsaxa, so while the gold coins let him buy the kids some haggled treats it wasn’t worth being constantly pulled in fifteen different directions.

He let this go on for a few more days, staying a wolf around Thor and Ikol around Jarnsaxa and the children. Enough for everyone to believe the story he’d told them and not even think to track him down when he took the children for the day. Naturally, he had thirty hanging off him by that point, and thankfully some of them were old enough to kind of help him out. However, they were also old enough to be suspicious when Loki didn’t take them on their usual path to the field and instead took a secret entrance into the palace gardens.

“We’re not supposed to be here,” A girl called from the back.

“Don’t worry,” Loki soothed, “I asked Queen Frigga herself yesterday and she said it was fine. So long as you don’t pull the flowers.” He’d already had to run around herding the flower pluckers to the middle of the herd.

Most of them seemed too hesitant, thankfully, to even walk in the garden rather than touch anything, so Loki only had to intervene a few more times before they reached the edge that would lead into the courtyard. He set the children down, amusing them with stories of grandeur Loki had heard as a child. Long enough for Thor and his friends to pass through the courtyard on their way to the city for the rest of the afternoon.

Loki timed it right, waiting until they were within earshot before saying, a bit louder than usual, “Look children, it’s the mighty prince Thor. Defender of Asgard.”

Thor’s head turned, an easy smile already on his face at the praise. It fell slightly as he saw Loki, no doubt mulling over why he looked so familiar. Loki didn’t really catch just when Thor caught on since as soon as Volstagg’s brood saw their father they were running over Loki and screeching for attention.

“Oh, what are you lot doing here,” he laughed, swinging a few around.

“Yes just what is going on here?” Thor asked coming closer, he stopped as he saw the twins, darting a look back to Loki as he waved slightly towards them, probably afraid any more contact would bring Jarnsaxa out of the shadows.

Thankfully the twins didn’t have such fears as they picked themselves up and went over for a hug themselves.

“What’s going on?” Thor asked Loki again.

“Well, your highness,” He dipped down, seeing the girls following suit. “The Queen has kindly allowed me to bring my charges to her garden this afternoon. It makes a stak change to the docks and fields we usually frequent. Where we will probably be again tomorrow.” He put a bit of emphasis into that last part, hoping Thor got the message as he turned to the rest of the children, amusing them once more with stories and little games.

Thor’s shock was mobile enough that he was able to answer and move how the twins wanted him to. He eventually settled on the grass with them, a few other children too young enough not to know societal boundaries just seeing a nice plump lap and trying to slide themselves alongside the twins. A few were successful, while others went searching to Thor’s remaining friends who, so far, had watched the proceedings with a suspicious silence. Except Volstagg. He was letting his children practically walk on top of him.

He had to take the twins back off Thor eventually, emphasising once again where they would be the next day. Volstagg took his own children off Loki, taking them into the city to join the rest of Thor’s friends for the remaining hours of daylight. 

With his burden only slightly lessened, Loki brought the rest of the children back to their homes, changing back into a wolf to see his own son before slinking back into the palace in the wee hours of the morning.

Jarnsaxa, either thought it was just happenstance or the boys merely didn’t tell her since she didn’t mention anything about the twins seeing Thor the day before. Loki got his coin, and a few more spawns added to his list and off they went. Well, off most of them went. As soon as Loki had knocked on Volstagg’s door that morning Hildegund told him Volstagg had taken his children himself. If that wasn’t an indication to the trust they had in Loki he didn’t know what was.

Nevertheless, his business was legitimate enough that he didn’t need them, and without the two really young ones weighing his arms down he found it much easier to reach the wandering fingers and toddling feet before they got themselves in serious danger. 

They stayed on their usual routine, the children from the lower districts coming over for their usual playtime too. Loki just let it happen, and kept an eye on the major dangers they faced rather than whatever the children were individually doing. Thor didn’t turn up there, and since the children wanted their usual treat or meal, whatever Loki was able to procure for them that day, he set them towards the market, making sure he had all of them along the way. 

They settled with their food on the fields, Loki finally laying back and letting them run wild. He was beginning to think Thor didn’t get his message at all yesterday, maybe he should have written the guy a note, when Loki found himself with a lapful of Alaric.

“Loki!” He squealed, a few children giving him a weird look. “Look, look, father let me join him for practice this morning.” He went on to do a few drills so serious while he did so Loki couldn’t help but smile. 

When he did finally turn away he saw the rest of Volstagg’s herd joining Loki’s and Thor swinging one of the boys around. The rest of Thor’s friends settled themselves next to Loki, Fandral telling Alaric to show Loki the rest of his lesson that morning.

“So, Ikol,” Sif said, “It’s been a while.”

“I don’t know what you mean,” Loki said, “My lady.”

Sif bristled, Loki knowing for a fact she hated being reminded of her feminine status in Asgard. She remembered herself after a moment, smiling over to Fandral who wasn’t even trying to hide his attempt to look down Loki’s dress. “Come now, surely you remember me. I was ever so nice to you. Much nicer than you were to me.” She tugged on her hair for good measure, Loki finally remembering he’d been wearing this guise the night he cut Sif’s hair. 

“Ah.” He pushed Fandral’s face away, “You’re not still mad about that are you? We were young and so very stupid. Besides, it grew back in.”

“That’s not the point,” Sif hissed.

“Sif,” Fandral said, “It was years ago. And it worked in your favour. If I were you I would stop with this animosity and join Ikol and I down by the river once the children return home.”

“If by Ikol and I you mean yourself and your hand, then yes, I suggest you listen to your dear friend,” He lifted himself up, joining in a game of chase with a few of the children so he wouldn’t be letched on anymore.

Thor met Loki every day he could to see the twins. His friends too, Volstagg loving the idea now he figured it out. Sometimes Volstagg would take Alaric to the training grounds and meet them in the afternoon, but most days he would just let Loki take him and the rest of them. He often cornered Loki on those days, actually thanking him for giving Hildegund a little rest.

“I’m not doing this for her,” Loki said.

“No,” Volstagg agreed, eyes on Thor who was using this new time with his boys to actually teach them something. Today it was spotting animal tracks., “I guess you aren’t.”

Loki felt his face twist, “I’m not doing it for him either. Believe it or not this is for my benefit.”

“Sure lad.”

Since his plan was a success, and Thor spent most nights trying to smush Loki to his chest in thanks anyway, he stayed in his usual form once he’d checked in on Fenrir. His thumbs certainly helped him get a hold in the sheets when Thor turned over in sleep to seek out Loki’s body. 


	31. Chapter 31

Nothing was talked about, no hint of Loki’s breakdown anyway. But Loki was honestly wondering if that would have been preferable as a month dawned and Loki had almost all the children in Asgard under his care. Even with the Thor and his friends popping by in the afternoon Loki didn’t have enough eyes to look after all of them. 

It got to the point where he considered turning people away, maybe setting himself a limit or a schedule, or even just destroying Ikol altogether and hoping no one would question her untimely death. It would be so easy, and Loki was sure he could figure out another way to let Thor see his boys. Except, it wasn’t just the twins now. About a week ago Thor had turned up and more than the twins called Thor father as they ran to see him. More children Thor wasn’t allowed to see it seemed. 

This was the best situation for all of them. Loki just wished it wasn’t him orchestrating it. 

“I was thinking,” Thor said, greeting Loki with a hug that threatened to squeeze the breath from his chest. “Maybe tomorrow we could go down to the river. I want to teach Ullr how to swim, and the twins like playing in the shallow water too.”

Fifty children, Loki and a river. He could feel his panic ramp up. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“I could just take them. I’ll bring them back before you leave,” Thor tried, no doubt seeing the rise in Loki’s little group. “You know, if you added some structure to them they might not be so hard to look after.”

“What do you mean?” Loki asked.

Thor shrugged, “Well, you could always section a few off, Volstagg and Sif have their afternoons free for the next few weeks. Maybe if you asked them they could help you with stories or maybe teaching them something. Alaric and a few of his friends have said they wanted to learn some beginners sparring.”

“And I suppose you’ll make sure you get the group with the twins,” Loki said.

Thor gave him a guileless smile. He’d certainly more than just had a passing thought about this. It was to be expected however, since it wasn’t like Thor had a chance to be an actual father to these children before now. He’d probably missed their first words and steps. He’d probably missed teaching them everything up to now, and Thor didn’t look like he wanted to miss anything more. He already had a collection of books amassed, ones he either read to them, had them read to him or had nothing inside so the children could practice their writing. 

However, Loki had to admit Thor did have a point, so, swallowing his pride, Loki asked very nicely mind, if Sif and Volstagg would mind helping Loki section the children off into easier, more manageable groups. They agreed, Sif extremely pleased with the amount of torture that simple request had cost Loki. 

Therefore, the next day, Thor took his own children, as well as ten others to the river for a swimming lesson. Volstagg entertained his young ones with stories, Sif with training, and seemed to acquire more girls the longer she swished her hair around as she parried. Loki. well, he found he had very little to teach in the ways of fighting or story telling. But, what he could do was show them little magic tricks. 

They weren’t as prejudiced as their elders, and sat in awe as Loki conjured up balls of light in different shapes. A few of them even tried to do it themselves, which lead to Loki discovering just who among the young population of Asgard had been gifted with magic. 

He stole Magni and Modi at one point, telling Thor to behave himself when he came to sit with Loki’s group. With his little magic users, he started them on small things he as a child was able to do, noting that his belief these twins would grow to be quite powerful were proven true. 

For two months he did this, he played nice and he taught beginners magic. He smiled at the parents when he dropped their children off, he didn’t antagonize Thor’s friends even if the urge was there to do just that. He did everything right, and ended up staring outside of his window one day.

No children. No Fenrir. Not even Sigyn since she’d decided to abandon her plan of getting Loki’s help in favour of cosying up to Nanna. Nanna, of course, being deathly afraid of Loki, meant that Sigyn also had to pretend to feel the same. He understood the abandonment when it came to him in a letter. He didn’t like it because it meant he had to go out as Ikol now if he wanted to walk the streets with some sort of anonymity but he understood.

Thor found him by the window as night fell, angry, as Loki knew he would be, that the boys weren’t there to see him today. No doubt there were quite a few upset children in Asgard right now, as well as vengeful mothers. “Where were you?”

“Here,” Loki answered easily. “And don’t start playing the martyr here Thor, I’ve been doing this every day for a month, I deserve a day off.”

“So you tell me,” Thor snapped, “You let me know so I’m not standing there looking like an idiot.”

“Fine,” Loki agreed, keeping his eyes on the horizon. 

He heard Thor’s frustrated sigh, and the stomp of boots that indicated he was off for a bath. From the smell, once he’d realised Loki wasn’t coming, he’d started back onto the training field, no doubt pulverising anyone that so much as looked his way. 

Loki thought he would get a good half hour of peace, yet those boots returned before the water even started running. “What’s wrong with you?” The aggrieved tone was still in place. A bit softer, but Thor wasn’t going to let his irritation at not seeing his children die down so soon.

“Nothing,” Loki answered easily. “Go have your bath.”

Another sigh then a chair was being pulled up alongside his own. “Loki, what’s wrong.”

He didn’t answer. Namely because he didn’t want to. There wasn’t anything actually wrong either, per se. Just, a realisation, and one he wasn’t too pleased with.

“Are we actually going to have to fight every time I want to get some answers out of you?” Thor asked. “Something is bother you. Maybe if you talked about it, you might feel better.”

“Nothing is physically bothering me Thor except you right now. Please, just take your bath, I promise I’ll bring the children tomorrow.” Except even that might be a lie with the way Loki was feeling right now. It had been so long since he’d spent time with Frigga. Maybe he would do that instead.

Thor let his head fall into his hands, huffing once before emerging to say, “I thought we were friends again.”

“We are.” Since he certainly had no one else in Asgard, save Frigga, who he could bestow such a title to. Not since Sigyn left him anyway. Besides, it wasn’t too difficult to find some affection for Thor, it never had been. The problem with Thor was that he was far too easy to love but getting that affection in return was as fleeting as a storm. 

“Is it something dangerous?” Thor tried.

“No.” Well, not dangerous in the sense that Thor might think. “If you must know I’m a bit homesick.”

Thor paused in thought for a while before saying carefully, “If you like, maybe we could remove Fenrir from your home for a while.”

“Not that home.”

“Jotunheim?” Thor asked incredulously. “Really? After what they did to you? If anything you should be missing Midgard.”

“Why? Because you haven’t been taught to hate Midgard? You seem to forget that as fleeting as my time there was Jotunheim was my home, and not everyone you met there was the monster waiting to devour you.” Stories like that still stalked Loki in the streets. They would never stop. It made Loki wonder how Jarnsaxa lived with it. Or whether she even knew of her Jotun heritage. Gerd at least had it easy. Her and Freya were living with the elves on Alfheim. As far as Loki had been told Alfheim was now one of the biggest trading posts for Jotunheim goods. They must see a lot of Loki’s people, much more than the scared Asgardians hiding behind their harsh words and golden walls. Alfheim was seeing first hand that not all Jotnar are as evil as they say. That, like them, they were people, with good and bad never outweighing the other. Unlike Thor who one moment seemed to see that and the next completely forget he’d ever thought there was more to Jotunheim than the stories people told him.

“I didn’t mean it like that,” Thor said, “I only meant that they haven’t exactly been in touch with you have they? And you said yourself that you were a ploy in Skrymir’s plot to undermine Asgard. I would think someone as smart as you would be able to turn their back on that.”

“I have.” It wasn’t the people per se that he was even missing. “It doesn’t matter. Look, your bath is going to be running over if you’re not careful.”

Thor ran like he should, the swearing from the other room indicating that some water had indeed overflown. But he came back once he was done, taking his seat once more as if that would prove to Loki that he was to be trusted.

Well, it kind of worked, if only so Loki could work his problem out loud. “I’m bored Thor.”

“Bored?” Thor repeated, “You have fifty kids to look after how are you bored?”

“It’s not that kind of boredom.” It sounded stupid even saying out loud but that had always been his problem deep down. The only time he hadn’t felt bored had been in Jotunheim. But that might have been because he’d been trying not to die almost constantly. “I just, I have nothing to do with myself. I’m capable of so much and yet here I am, stuck inside of Asgard with nothing to do with my life but trick a bunch of mothers into letting me steal their children for the day. I can’t-” He can’t leave. He can’t go to Jotunheim like he wanted and destroy Skrymir, to stop him from putting foolish thoughts into Midgardians heads and expecting the Norns to play it out. He couldn’t find every copy the Midgardians had of Loki’s supposed fate and destroyed it, or find Jormungandr and release him from his prison. He couldn’t even use his magic to hide himself anymore because as soon as he did Heimdall had been instructed to inform the Allfather and all the Einherjar who would kill Loki on sight. As were the terms of the agreement with Jotunheim.

“Most people would be thankful for the nothingness you have in your days. You want for nothing, you have no duties, you can do whatever you like within reason. Loki if you’re bored do something about it.”

“I can’t. All I can do is sit here and grow weeds. You know not once has anyone thought to ask me about my stay in Jotunheim. I was a prince, just like you. I could have advice or, I don’t know, an opinion that might be beneficial for Asgard. I could be useful, and you just shut me up here.” He knew why of course. If Loki were in Odin’s position he wouldn’t have Thor looking at the proceedings of Asgard. Even if Thor knew how it actually all worked, Loki would still try and keep him away from it all. But still, it didn’t change the fact that Loki could be useful, even if they just gave him something to do with his day. “I can’t even go to training despite the fact that I’m handy with a weapon and, once upon a time, I was actually training to be one of them.”

“In all fairness I was the one who said you weren’t allowed on the training ring. The people there, they have weapons and I doubt you could fend off all the axes that fly your way.” A fair statement, but didn’t change the fact that Loki was growing rusty sitting here doing nothing. 

“I’m bored,” Loki sighed. He lolled his head on the back of the chair until it faced Thor, “Want to have sex?”

The squeak of “What?” Thor let out didn’t even bring a smile to Loki’s face. 

“Sex? Do you want to?” 

Another squeak let itself out of Thor’s mouth, the man struggling for a moment to remember what words were. “Do you want to?” He countered.

Loki shrugged, “I’ve said it before that you’re not the worst to look at, and it’s not like we’ve needed to be in love. Besides,” he said, more to himself than Thor, “Maybe if I actually pop out a spawn your father might trust me enough to let me loose in other realms. Or at least with a chaperone.”

Thor gaped for a moment, “So you want children now?”

Loki felt his eye twitch, “No.” Even if he had two. “But it’s expected. Don’t tell me you’re backing out of your husbandly duties Thor?”

“I’m- you don’t even want this. I’m not having this conversation with you.” And with that Thor finally went to take his bath. Loki was starting to think he should have led with that. 

Thor was the one avoiding Loki the next few days. He still came to see the boys, Loki making good on his promise by making up some excuse the mother’s bought and bringing them to their usual haunts. But apart from that Thor tried his hardest not to be left alone with Loki. He stayed out late, later than Loki who still went to go see Fenrir after his time with the Asgardians. He didn’t come to supper, even when Loki himself started coming to the ones with Frigga and Odin. When morning came he was the first up, if he ever came home at all, and Loki couldn’t help but be impressed with the swiftness of Thor’s excuses as he purposefully arranged a situation where the two of them were left alone. 

Still, despite the challenge even that posed Loki found himself bored. Listless and yearning for action he knew he needed to take but was trapped by promises made on his own behalf. 

He groaned as the door closed softly behind him. Kicking off his boots he fell face first into the sheets, wondering if he had the strength to even push himself the rest of the way on. 

He didn’t.

Yet somehow, when he woke, his feet had made it onto the sheets. He suspected magic, or maybe his body had finally grown sick of the awkward angle and decided to correct it. Either way, his feet were nice and cosy when the next rock found its way onto his chest. 

It wasn’t anything big, a pebble really, and while it didn’t hurt either it had been enough, along with the seven others littered around Loki’s body, to wake him from his well deserved slumber. 

The next one hit him in the face, Loki hissing revenge as he changed shape and slithered over to the window. If this was Thor’s way of trying to sneak in after he forgot how to use the doors again Loki was seriously going to bite him this time. Or maybe just curse him so the next time he decided to go drinking he wouldn’t be able to. 

Yet it wasn’t Thor outside the window.

“Helblindi?” Loki asked, changing shape to lean over and see that yes, his eyes actually weren’t deceiving him. There, below, looking small under the vast walls of Asgard’s palace, was Loki’s giant of a brother. He grabbed the nearest thing to him just in case, the goblet hitting Helblindi firmly in the nose. “What are you doing here?”

Helblindi made some shushing motions, waving his hand like that would get Loki to leave the safety of his rooms. This was a man who had tried to kill Loki once upon a time. One who also hadn’t exactly come to his aid when Skrymir cast him out.

Yet, according to Frigga, Helblindi had been the only one to ask after him.

It was with that, and Loki’s stupid curiosity, that had him flying down, keeping his distance as he changed back and conjuring a knife for good measure. “What are you doing here?” Loki asked again.

Helblindi said nothing, just, before Loki could react, pulled him forward and crushed him to his chest. Loki thought this was the end, up until he heard Helblindi sigh and found himself being held at arms length. “You’re well? The Asgardians aren’t harming you?”

“No, they’re not allowed to unless I break the rules. Helblindi what are you doing here?”

“I had to see you.” And if this were coming from anyone that wasn’t in Loki’s family he would have maybe believed them. Except Helblindi did have the same blood as Loki therefore he knew concern for Loki’s safety wasn’t the only thing that had made Helblindi cross realms. “Are you sure you’re well? What is wrong with your skin?”

“Oh,” he changed to his real skin momentarily, before he remembered that Asgard was stupidly hot. “I can er, change my skin. My shape too,” he waved his hand in remembrance of the bird he’d flown down as. “I may have kind of lied to father about the extent of my powers.”

“I figured,” Helblindi scoffed. “Probably wise of you too. Father was always looking for an excuse to go to war. If he knew you could sneak into Asgard like this he would have had you spying for him.”

“You don’t seem too surprised,” Loki noted.

Helblindi shrugged, “I knew you were a demon. Whether you had come to kill or save us was really what I was concerned about.”

Which was fair enough. But still didn’t answer a lot of Loki’s questions. “I’m guessing Skrymir doesn’t know you’re here.”

A look of almost fear came over Helblindi, “No,” he said slowly, “He doesn’t. Things aren’t good Loki.”

“And you’ve come to me for help,” Loki filled in. 

“No,” Helblindi said, “I’ve come to warn you. Skrymir, he has horrible plans, for all of us not just Asgard. I knew there was something wrong with him as soon as he said you had abandoned us for the Asgardians. We had won, why would you do that?”

“He said what!” So that was the line he’d fed them. Oh Loki could see it now, all of Jotunheim assembled, waiting for Loki to return triumphant with the casket and there Skrymir stood in his place. He’d spiel some lie about Loki working for Asgard the whole time, that Skrymir was the one to fetch the casket in the chaos Loki had created just to rid the nine realms of Jotunheim once and for all. “Let me guess, Byleistr and Farbauti accredited his claims.”

“They didn’t speak up if that’s what you mean.” Just as Loki thought. 

“And you? Why are you here now? Everyone else has been plotting to get Skrymir back in Jotunheim since the beginning.”

“You’re my brother,” Helblindi said like it was that simple.

“You tried to kill me,” Loki pointed out.

“I-” Helblindi paused, after a moment he said, “I did. At the time I thought I was doing the right thing. But Loki, I’m sorry, and I know that’s not going to change what I did but I am sorry.”

The apology hadn’t been one Loki was expecting. Namely because he had nothing to be sorry for. At the time, he thought he was doing what was right, and there was no apology for that needed, he was crown prince and Loki had been sowing dissent amongst the people. Yet, that didn’t change the fact that Helblindi had said the words, that he meant them now, that he even offered them. 

That he went on to say, “I was never meant to rule, I can see that now, and maybe that was why I never fit the role how our parents wanted me to. I’m grateful for what you did, believe it or not. I think I’ve always been more of a fighter than a politician, and a king needs to be both.”

He had more to say, Loki knew it, but they were kind of in a hurry here so he cut Helblindi off with, “That’s very kind, and I accept your apology. Now can we get back to Skrymir. You said he had plans.”

“Yes,” Helblindi said, getting back on track, “I think he means to bring about Ragnarok.”

“And?” Loki prompted.

Helblindi blinked back at him, “And what? That’s cause for concern enough.”

“So that’s all you know?” Here was Loki hoping there was something else.

“All I- you knew about his plans?” And now Loki looked like the traitor.

“Yes, I’ve known about them since he speared me through the middle, kidnapped me to Midgard and bound me to Asgard. The problem is I can’t do anything about it.” He took a calming breath, knowing if he let anger rule him he was going to do something stupid. “Listen, Skrymir has been orchestrating this for centuries, and while I don’t know every plot he has in motion I do know that Ragnarok is coming.”

“I heard him say to Byleistr that you were the key. Loki what is he having you do?”

“I don’t know.” Which was the problem. “He didn’t exactly give me instructions. But then, he doesn’t need to. I’m not part of this,” Loki implored, “Not willingly. But I can’t stop whatever he’s planned because I don’t know how.” He took another breath, “I think you should go.”

“The guards didn’t see me,” Helblindi said.

Loki shook his head, “The guards haven’t been ordered to attack, but you’ve most definitely been seen. They have a watcher with the sight. He is no doubt judging when he should intervene, so I suggest you go, now, before your children miss you indefinitely.”

Helblindi shuffled his feet, “About that.” There was a pointed look that Loki followed and there little Hron was with his brother poking at the ivy growing up the side of the palace. How Loki had missed them he didn’t know. “Guma was executed a few weeks ago. He was the one who stumbled on Skrymir’s plans, he managed to tell me before they took him away. Skrymir’s been waiting for an opportunity to get rid of me too, especially since Hron is still heir. There were guards on my door before I snuck away to the casket.”

“Oh.” So, it looked like Helblindi was here for three things rather than the two Loki had originally thought. “I-” But what did he say to that? He couldn’t offer them asylum. He barely had asylum himself. He sighed, wondering just how much longer they had before Heimdall stepped in. Not much Loki would wager. Long enough to make this decision however. “I think it’s time we talked to the Allfather.”

“You think he can help?” Helblindi was right to doubt. Not even Loki knew how he was going to take all of this information.

Still, “If there’s anyone that can help us stop Skrymir it’s him. He’s the most powerful man in the nine realms after all. Much more than Skrymir and his petty tricks.”

“Or,” came from the shadows, “You could not go to my father and tell me what you’ve been keeping from me Loki.”

“Thor,” Helblindi growled in greeting.

“Helblindi,” Thor nodded, sidling up next to Loki. “We should take this where we won’t be overheard. Are your children able to stay outside a while longer?”

“Your world is too warm. You take them inside they might faint,” Helblindi said, eyeing Thor carefully as he called his children over. “Have you come to harm me Odinson?”

“Don’t give me reason to and I won’t,” Thor promised, leading them, not inside, but around to Frigga’s gardens and the woods beyond. 

They walked all the way to the meadow Loki used to bring Sigyn and Nanna to, the children running off as soon as they saw the waterfall to freeze it in its path and play in the pools that didn’t. They were big enough that the water didn’t even appear deep to them, but Helblindi still insisted on a stance that would allow him to watch over them anyway.

“Speak thunderer and be quick about it. The longer we dally the quicker Skrymir figures out where I’ve gone,” Helblindi urged.

“He surely won’t follow you?” Loki said, realising that, yes, Skrymir probably would, and since he had the casket it would be all to easy to do so. Something told him that Helblindi hadn’t brought his children in the hopes of starting a new life in Asgard. He was leaving them. By choice or by force. Clearing his throat and his mind of his new charges Loki got back on track, turning to Thor with his best convincing smile to start, “Look, I didn’t want to keep this from you-”

“But you knew if my father found out you would be imprisoned. I know.”

“You do?” This was the first Loki had heard of it. 

Thor nodded a little shiftily, “I may know a little something about what you two were talking about.”

“A little something? Be clear Thor.”

He looked back the way we came, “It’s hard to explain. I would need something from our room.”

“Then why bring us all the way out here?” Heimdall was probably rallying the guards right now. 

“Well, I couldn’t take the chance that you would go to my father. Loki, if he finds out now he’s going to do more harm than good. My father doesn’t always act rationally when threatened.”

Loki huffed, restraining himself from pulling his hair, “Well do your best to try and explain. We don’t have much time.”

Thor squinted for a moment before realisation dawned. Yet, instead of looking worried, he just waved his hand, “Heimdall has alerted no one. I made sure to stop him when he told me of the intruder. As for the explanation… you remember when we received our gifts?”

“Vaguely,” It was all a blur of panic and desolation. 

“Hogun gave me a book, one his sister gave to him after the Vanir rebellion. He said it would help me understand, and, Loki it’s about us.” 

Loki remembered that book. It was the one Thor kept with him on his adventures, that lay on their bedside table or near the fire when Thor wanted to do some late night reading. It was the only book Loki had seen Thor give any intense attention to. 

Suddenly Loki was wishing he’d taken a look at it himself. 

“It’s about those stories we heard on Midgard. And more. I thought, maybe Hogun had overheard us talking about them and though to write them down as a gift, but, when he said it was from his sister and once I read it I realised that… Loki, did you know you were in it?” Thor finished.

“No,” he said shakily. “Not- I mean, I wasn’t.”

“You are,” Thor insisted. “You’re in them. They aren’t good.”

Helblindi cleared his throat, “What does this have to do with Skrymir?”

“A lot,” Loki said. “But it still doesn’t answer why you don’t want us going to your father.”

Thor huffed, “You have to read it. At first I thought they were just stories but now, after what you just said and, other things that have been happening, I’m not so sure. And if they are true, then it’s best my father doesn’t know about them. You saw what he did to Vanaheim. A whole realm. Imagine what he could do to you Loki.”

He didn’t want to, which was the whole point Thor was trying to make. So, with that done they moved onto more practical things, like Helblindi. Thor insisted off the bat that he would talk to his father at least about Helblindi staying in Asgard. So long as they stretched the truth just a little Thor was sure he could make it seem like it was for the good of the realm that they didn’t let Skrymir take Helblindi back to Jotunheim. 

Which meant, once Thor had brought them back to the palace and gave some vague instructions to make themselves comfortable, that they had to move onto the other pressing issue, the heat. It took Loki making charms for all three of his new charges for them to even step foot inside. Once they did, while height may have been an issue Loki had considered, it seemed that it wasn’t necessary. The halls of Asgard were large enough to let Helblindi walk among them with relative ease. Even when they came to Loki’s chambers his brother managed to find some comfort in the lavish space.

“Laufey used to tell me that Odin’s bearer was a Jotun,” Helblindi said, grabbing Hron, again, from trying to touch Loki’s things, even if Loki had said it was fine. 

“Really? Here was me thinking the animosity between Asgard and Jotunheim had been there since Audumla licked us into being.” It had always been told to him that way, especially from the younger Asgardians Loki talked to. Like Thor’s friends. If this was true then it’s no wonder Odin didn’t see too much shame in allowing his son to marry Loki.

“There are parts of Jotunheim in Asgard,” Helblindi went on. “I saw it as I walked up. I see it now even here.”

Helblindi seemed to be in awe, perhaps that Asgard even had Jotun influences in their realm. In any case the topic piqued Loki’s curiosity enough that he asked for Helblindi to tell him more as they waited for Thor to return.

The halls and their height were one such indicator that Jotnar were once welcome here. In the tales Laufey used to tell, well, less tales more the angry grumblings of a defeated king, he used to curse Odin and lament the fact he would never walk those golden halls once more. Then there was the gold.

“We didn’t have much use of it in Jotunheim,” Helblindi remembered. “You saw what they gave you Loki.” 

Loki had. Riches were one of the things Jotun’s were almost eager to part with. A practical land, they had no need for pretty things. They bartered in their livelihood, in their cattle and their stone, the only coins they had were made out of smooth glass, and often time people saw them littering the houses of the hillfolk than in the palm of traders. 

When Jotunheim had been in accord with Asgard Odin had taken that unwanted treasure when it surfaced, he used it to line his walls that were stone at the base of it, and fill his coiffers. He made many great things out of it, then mocked Jotunheim once he had for being a people that were unsightly to look at. 

After the gold, Helblindi moved onto Loki’s clothes, pointing out the animals that, before now, Loki hadn’t really looked at hemming his tunic and his boots. They were Jotun animals, and littered the bed, the wood, the walls and essence of Asgard. The people probably thought they were just pretty patterns, why would they think different after all when they had not seen such beasts for themselves. But Loki had, and he couldn’t believe now how blind he’d been to the ignorance and audacity of Asgard.

Around the time Loki pulled out his capes for Hron to try on did Thor come back. Not alone either. While Odin was without his Einherjar that did not mean they weren’t waiting nearby. 

He was just as old and terrifying as last Loki had seen him, even more so now someone had slipped into his kingdom without his knowing. “I would have words with Helblindi alone,” Odin said, leaving no room for argument. 

Loki still lingered, if only long enough for Helblindi to put his youngest in Loki’s arms and nudge him out. He lingered at the door, yet no sound came out. A good sign, he argued as he set his nephew down and stopped Hron from wandering off.

“It’s best this happens now,” Thor said, taking the youngest from Loki. “Without interruption we will be able to speak better. And I know you were worried about your brother.”

“His mate is dead,” Loki said, only now realising what that meant. “His father, his brother, let that happen.”

“Byleistr was always a wanderer,” Thor said to himself. 

“A wanderer easily led.” He turned to Hron, “You listen here, your family, they mean nothing to you. You have to look out for yourself, and only yourself okay.”

Hron nodded, Thor making a displeased noise at the comment but saying nothing more. Loki supposed even Thor couldn’t deny that it was good advice in Loki’s family. Helblindi was here now, but he’d only come here for himself, not for Loki. Family meant nothing in the long run when it was full of traitors and schemers. 

Hron made a full circle once Loki had let go of him, asking “Am I living here now?” when he was done. 

“Probably,” Loki agreed.

Hron nodded, asking a hundred more questions, mostly about why everything was yellow instead of white. He was sweet, and just how Loki remembered him. It made some part of him inexplicably mad when he thought this could have all went if Hron had been just that bit more older and knew what ‘dead’ meant. Truly meant. If he did, he would surely have been sitting as solemnly as Loki, plotting his revenge like a good son would do. But he was young, and it didn’t matter. Hron had Loki, and he had Helblindi, both of whom were ready to spill some blood, Guma or not. 

Half the night passed before the door inched open and Thor tried lifting his sleeping charge back into the room. Odin hadn’t killed Helblindi, which was a good sign, but neither of them looked too pleased. 

“Helblindi has been granted asylum in Asgard. I trust you will see no harm comes to him Thor,” Odin said, waiting for the nod from his son before continuing. “I have already sent men out looking for any giants that have crossed into our realm, and will send a raven tonight so Skrymir knows of our agreement.” 

He looked old, lifting himself out of Thor’s chair, so much so that Loki couldn’t help wonder just how this man was as powerful as he was. Even when he walked, there was no sign of strength, just an aura and a reputation that warned Loki to be careful. 

He patted Thor on the shoulder when he came near, “Your mother has had the servants set up your old chambers, make sure our guest is comfortable.”

“I will father,” Thor promised, seeing him out. 

As soon as the door shut Loki and Thor turned their attention to Helblindi, the question of what had been discussed hanging in the air yet still Helblindi remained silent. The only thing he said the rest of that night was to ask if he could retire, taking his children easily in either hand as he followed Thor out and to another part of the palace. 

The bed called to Loki while Thor was gone. It had been a long night, one filled with things that still he had no answer to. So he ignored it, taking up Helblindi’s former chair instead after he’d hunted around for that book Thor had told him about. 

He didn’t find it, and only when Thor returned, pulling it out of one of his discarded boots did Loki finally get a good look at it. The cover was just how Loki remembered it, a Vanir print, one, Loki realised now, that had been in circulation before the rebellion. This was what they had used to further their madness, yet before Loki could open it and see for himself just what had ruled his life Thor stopped him with a heavy hand.

“Are you sure?” Thor asked. “Some things can’t be forgotten once they’ve been read.”

That age old warning of fate and its workings were heavy in Thor’s tone. Yet Loki already had a good idea what was waiting for him. All this book would really be doing was showing him the taint Skrymir had sowed in Midgard.

He opened the cover, and managed to get through three whole stories, his childhood coming back with each word, before falling asleep.


	32. Chapter 32

When he woke, it was late noon. Thor was gone, a note next to Loki’s breakfast saying he’d went to check on the guards hunting for any stray giants. 

As much as Loki would have liked to spend the day reading, Helblindi was now in Asgard, which meant, Loki had to watch out for him. It was one thing for the Asgardians to see Loki after all, he was able to blend in, he was small, he was married to Thor, but Helblindi was undoubtedly a frost giant. More, he was the one who had led the attack at the Bifrost. There would be, therefore, some resistance to the asylum Odin had granted.

So, first thing, Loki found himself keeping Hron occupied while Helblindi dealt with his younger spawn. It was nice having them around again, at least until Atla threw up on him.

After that he made sure Helblindi kept Atla as he invited them into the halls to truly experience their new homestead. 

“They can’t hurt you. The most they will do is talk,” Loki persuaded, already nudging Hron to the door. 

“Their talk is enough of a deterrent. Perhaps until they get used to the idea of me being here I should just stay unseen.” Which was a good idea, except Asgard would only grow more panicked the longer their imaginations were left to run wild.

“We have a treaty with Jotunheim now, and besides, you’re my brother, and they’ve seen me roaming the streets for months now. It’s better to just get it over with before Hron starts planning an escape.” 

He won, in the end, as he knew he would. 

Making sure their charms were still holding Loki walked them out and into the wide palace. They kept it small today. While Loki knew he should be in the wider city appeasing children and mothers who were expecting him, he thought it best to start small. 

The Asgardians they passed were few and far between. Loki saw them peeking around the corners, most likely running once they saw that the rumours were true, there was a Jotun in the palace. The ones they did see, since they either had no choice as they were working, or they were brave enough to get a closer look, didn’t really hang around to say hello. 

Loki could see Helblindi grow more embarrassed the longer they were out, so he took them somewhere calming, somewhere where Frigga was already waiting for them. She, unlike the rest of Asgard, was just as much an outsider as Helblindi, the only difference was that she looked so much like the Aesir that they didn’t hate her on sight. 

“It is good to see you again Prince Helblindi,” Frigga greeted, the title purposeful, showing that she, at least, respected that he was still a prince no matter what others might be whispering. It also told Loki a few things about the state of Jotunheim. She bade them sit, choosing to hold her usual luncheon in a place with chairs rather larger than usual. “While I wish it was under other circumstances, I hope you will feel welcome in Asgard.”

Helblindi nodded, talk from there focusing on easier things, like how to entertain two Jotun children. Whatever the case, Loki’s detour worked, and after a while the scrutiny of the rest of the palace was forgotten. 

“You will have to excuse them,” Frigga said as talk turned to Helblindi’s stay here. “Asgard has always been a closed minded sort of people. They barely tolerate Vanir, especially after the rebellion. I’m lucky they haven’t asked Odin to depose me. It will be worse, I’m sure, for you. Loki himself has only started to be tolerated. But rest assured, they will not raise a finger towards you while you have Odin’s word.” 

Helblindi did look a little eased. If only because guest welcome was just the same here as it was in Jotunheim. “Your food is certainly different,” he offered.

“Smaller,” Loki corrected. “I miss the quantity I was fed in Jotunheim.”

Here Helblindi laughed, “I bet,” He turned to Frigga, “You wouldn’t think it, looking at him, but his appetite was as large as Laufey’s. How you’ve kept him satisfied is a marvel.”

“I know, I always wonder when I see him at feasts how he survived in those woods. Even on Midgard. Odin said the people there were near starvation.” Which was how talk turned to Loki, and basically everything they found weird about him. 

Loki didn’t mind it. They weren’t doing it to spite him after all.

They stayed there until supper, Loki pointing out all the wildlife they could see from Frigga’s window to the children. Then, as Thor came to get them, came a supper Loki would be seeing in his nightmares for the next few weeks.

Nothing went wrong, but Loki had avoided family suppers for months for a reason. Namely, that he was too terrified of Odin to ever actually enjoy his meal. Now, with Helblindi and his nephews, it was something else to be sitting there. There was a silence that begged to be broken, yet all anyone could comment on was how good the meal was. Not stimulating conversation, and soon found its end once everyone had murmured their agreement. Thankfully, Loki wasn’t the only one feeling out of place, and once they were dismissed Helblindi begged for a more private dinner the next night. 

Naturally, with two young ones, Helblindi retired before anything else could happen, which meant Loki could, finally, go back to his book. He sat there almost all night, story after story he’d grown up with twisted in this retelling as his name cropped up again and again. Idunn being kidnapped was apparently his fault now. As was mjolnir being stolen. Every major event in this damn book seemed to be the result of Loki’s hands. 

Then things got worse. 

Married to Sigyn, sure, Loki could move past that. He could even tolerate the supposed children he was supposed to have with her. But when Angrboda’s name cropped up, Loki had to set the book down. It wasn’t just her name that made his skin crawl, it was the way the author had described her. They got her likeness wrong, that was for sure, making her out to be some sort of lonely hermit rather than the poor girl that was forced to do something she didn’t want to. They also got the rest of the story wrong.

Love they had called it.

Love.

The results were from an act of love. 

He felt sick. He was sick, the rage and resentment building up in him once more as he was forced to face what had happened once again. Love. What a ridiculous notion.

Thor found him on the tiles in the washroom, the floor being the only place that soothed his heated skin. It took some coercing, mainly because Thor wished to relieve himself without an audience, before he managed to finagle Loki into their bed and promise things would look better in the morning. 

They didn’t. If anything they looked worse. 

Thor wasn’t absent this time, and was already taking breakfast with Atla in his lap as Loki joined them. Helblindi had taken Loki’s book, flipping through the pages with a squint as he tried to read the tiny words.

“This may take more than a day for me to read thunderer,” Helblindi warned.

“Especially since I haven’t finished with it.” Yet he let Helblindi keep it through breakfast, not really ready yet to face Angrboda and their monstrous children so soon.

He put off reading it for a full day, taking on the role of chaperone once more regardless of the fact that Helblindi wished to stay inside instead. They went out, this time Thor joining them, and trying to coerce Loki into maybe kidnapping Magni and Modi while they were here. Loki thought about it as they started on the streets into the city, rather enjoying the looks of fear the citizens got when they saw Loki and his party coming. It was almost reminiscent of Jotunheim. Except in Jotunheim there was always a level of respect hiding behind their eyes as they parted ways for him.

While the people had been content with speaking about Loki almost to his face they didn’t dare with Heblinid. Most of them were in too much shock to do much more than stare. Needless to say the lack of whispers had Loki in a good mood. Good enough that he did do Thor that favour and steal the twins from Jarnsaxa, avoiding countless other mothers as he did.

“Here,” Loki said, changing into a tunic once more, “Don’t say I don’t do anything for you.”

“When can I do that?” Magni asked, Loki forgetting for a minute that, right, he was their magic teacher.

“If you practice hard, a few years maybe,” he said absently, more interested in Modi staring up at Helblindi who was staring at Loki in that same degree of shock he’d had when Loki first shifted into a female. “Boys, this is my brother Helblindi. He’s a prince too.”

Magni’s head whipped between the two of them, Modi still staring before Magni gave a rather harsh poke to Loki’s side. “Grow,” he demanded.

“Ow, I can’t.” He stopped Magni from poking again by handing him off to Thor, letting the boys father make more introductions as Atla and Hron’s curiosity got the better of them. “Modi?” Loki asked, coming around to kneel next to the boy, “You okay?”

“He’s really big,” Modi hissed out the corner of his mouth.

“Yes, he’s a giant.” He supposed, to a child Modi’s size Helblindi had to be even taller than how Loki saw him. “He won’t hurt you, he’s here to be friends.”

“Okay,” Modi muttered, before finally tearing his eyes away to stare at Loki, “How come you’re not big then. Father said you were a frost giant too. Did you lie to me?” Like the notion was the worst thing in the world. 

A loud snort that would be quiet had there been a crowd came from Helblindi, “He didn’t lie, Loki’s just a runt.”

“A runt?” Modi repeated, “Like with dogs, how there’s always a runt there?”

“Just like that,” Helblindi agreed easily, completely ignoring Loki’s glare. 

The two got along great after that, Loki beginning to think the way to every Asgardian’s heart was to just insult Loki until more common interests were found. 

They got some honey cakes, as well as other sweets since this was the first time in a while that Thor had actually taken his boys anywhere other than a field. Hron and Atla were loving the new food, as well as the other new, exciting things that were in Asgard’s markets. At one point, Loki saw Helblindi admiring some of the wares too, namely the little glass statues a merchant was doing his damndest to try and keep away from Helblindi’s too big fingers. Loki bought four just to spite the man. 

They let the children loose when they did return to Loki’s usual child watching spot. While Atla couldn’t do much more than shuffle along, Hron took great pleasure in chasing the twins, coming up surprisingly short every time.

“So just how powerful are you?” Helblindi asked after a while.

“Quite,” Loki said.

Thor huffed, turning to Helblindi to elaborate, “Mother said he’s probably one of the most powerful magic users she’s seen. He was studying advanced spells before he got his adult teeth.”

“More powerful than Skrymir?” Helblindi asked, this obviously what he’d been intending to ask all along.

“I don’t know,” Loki answered honestly. “He has magic, but how powerful I can’t say. When we met, I wasn’t at my best, and when I could have arguably escaped I didn’t because apparently I enjoy making myself suffer rather than embrace freedom.” He still wished he’d jumped overboard before they got to that stupid rift in Midgard. If he had, Loki probably could have come up with some sort of plan and deposed Skrymir by now. “However,” Loki said, knowing this for certain, “It doesn’t matter. He could be the most powerful sorcerer to ever live and I’ll still destroy him.”

“How so? You have a plan?” Helblindi pressed eagerly.

“Nope. But fate doesn’t favour him like it does me. So long as we play this right I’m sure we’ll come out on top.” There was no other alternative. 

He went back to his book that night, swiping it from Helblindi when his brother went to retire. He forced himself through the parts with Angrboda, if only so he could get back to the real issue at hand, which presented itself with the beginnings of Ragnarok. According to the stories Loki birthed three children not two. Hela, it said, was his only daughter, yet Hela had already been born in this world before Loki and certainly before Loki met Angrboda. 

But that wasn’t to say that things were better now Loki had found one little mistake in this book, or a number of them. These stories weren’t happening word for word, the Fates were choosing what they wanted from it, which meant, while some things remained inconsistent, the tale remained true. Hela was alive, and so were Fenrir and Jomungandr. Ragnarok had been birthed into being.

There wasn’t much after Loki’s children had been born. Loki and Thor, apparently close enough to travel together on page, went on a few more adventures. Then, almost without any significance, came the parts Loki remembered. They bound Fenrir. Hela was given reign over Helheim. Jormungandr grew so big he slithered beneath the surface of Midgard.

It wasn’t told at all how Loki remembered it, with Odin fearing for his people, and the monsters being actually monstrous. It was just, stated, and moved on from, because apparently this author didn’t see the point in focusing on the why of Ragnarok and would rather focus on the actual events. 

Like what came next.

Balder died, as usual. Hodor got blamed, but, so did Loki, who here was the mastermind behind the whole thing. The Gods were pissed, as they had a right to be, but instead of the usual letting Loki go as had been the norm for most of this book, they decided to do something about it.

They hunted him to the ends of the realms. They kept his sons hostage, and when Loki was eventually found they cursed one and had him kill the other. The entrails were used to bind Loki’s magic, while other chains kept him still beneath the palace as a viper spat venom into his eyes. His only reprieve was when his ever suffering wife in this book, Sigyn, took pity on him and held a bowl to take the brunt of the poison. 

Quite a bland thing to read and another to imagine it. Loki had seen snake pits. He’d seen men pushed into them and watched them writhe in agony before they died. It was an awful, slow way to die, and the fact that this didn’t even kill Loki, that he got out and rode into Asgard on a burning ship made it all the worse. 

Thor had been right. They couldn’t go to Odin. Not if this was what awaited Loki for his truthfulness. 

So instead, after flinging the book into Thor’s face, Loki retreated into the woods.

Fenrir was sleeping in his hut, his tail thumping slightly as he dreamed of chasing small creatures around. 

Loki bet anything that Skrymir wasn’t being idle while Loki stood here. If his plans were still in motion he must have been looking for ways to hurry Ragnarok up. 

Loki, for all his wishing that there was something more he had do, had already played his part. He’d created Jormungandr and Fenrir. The only thing he’d yet to do was kill Balder, a feat for which Loki didn’t really know how it was to come to pass. He had no ill will towards the man. Annoying as he was, and despite the fact that he’d taken Sigyn’s company from him Loki didn’t actually have murderous feelings towards him. But it would happen. Sooner or later he would end up playing a part in Balder’s death. Not only because it had been written down, but Frigga herself had hidden Balder away for a reason.

The point was, Skrymir’s work in Asgard was complete. He had his pawns here in the right places. Midgard too. Which meant… which meant he must have been searching for Hela. 

Suddenly Loki was beginning to think Skrymir’s acquisition of Jotunheim wasn’t only just to reclaim his place as rightful heir. With the power of the casket at his disposal Skrymir wouldn’t have to answer to anyone in order to use it. Before, he would have had to rely on the secret paths or Alfheim’s way of travelling. He would have had to have reason for being in a certain realm, just as others did when they too used it. The only people who were exempt were kings, and Skrymir was certainly king now. 

He could be slipping off into the night, or even just saying he was needed somewhere and no one would question it. More, he could have spies waiting in place, listening and watching for any signs of Hela.

It would only be a matter of time before they found her. 

“Fenrir!” Loki snapped, shouting again until Fenrir flopped lazily onto his front.

He yawned, the stench of stale meat hitting Loki full in the face as Fenrir waited to see what was so important he was woken up for.

“The caves in the mountain passes, the ones we found weeks ago. I need you to go there for me and be quick about it. Eat if you have to, it may be a while before we see meat again.”

Fenrir grumbled a little but hefted himself up. With one mighty shake he was off towards the mountains, turning back every now and then like Loki would tell him to stop. 

He didn’t. Instead, he made his way back to the palace, flying into his window and doing his best not to wake Thor as he started around his room.

Heimdall be damned, it was better dying an honourable death than cowering here and waiting for torture. He packed cape, along with a few scraps from supper that wouldn’t spoil too quickly. With careful hands he used his magic to carve out a small sliver of the mirror in their room, shrinking and preserving it in his pack before changing once more and flying to the mountains. 

It was a short journey when trees and the likes weren’t in the way. Peaceful too, save for the two ravens that playfully chased him for a while. They were still circling overhead as he landed, one of them coming closer to peck the crumbs that escaped Loki’s pack before flying back off into the early morning.

He heard the thump thump on the mountain as dawn broke, brushing himself off as he went to meet Fenrir at the tip of the cave ledge. 

Yet it wasn’t Fenrir that looked back at him. Thor, hammer in hand, and a much less forgiving look in his eyes made his way up the last few steps to stand toe to toe with Loki. 

“Leaving again?” Thor asked.

“It’s for the best,” Loki said, wondering just what had tipped Thor off. 

Fenrir maybe, or did Thor just hear Loki clattering around their room and follow him from a afar? The answer came to him as dark shadows circled again, Thor casting one look up before hurrying Loki into the cave. 

“Are they coming?” Loki asked, looking back the way Thor came, expecting to see a glittering of gold on the horizon, ready to arrest him.

“Probably,” Thor said, ushering Loki in farther. “You were stupid doing this without telling me. We could have come up with some excuse, used the Bifrost or-”

“Like they would have let me use the Bifrost,” Loki scoffed. “Look, this is for the best. Trust me.”

“I do,” Thor said simply. “Which is why I’m here and not at my father’s chambers rallying Sif and the Warrior’s Three.”

Loki made a light above them, one that followed as they ventured further into the dark chamber. The cave system hadn’t been Loki’s favourite place when he and Fenrir had discovered it, but it had kept them dry when it rained. He hadn’t discovered all of it, just enough to know there were ruins lying in the middle. The original Asgard Loki assumed since it still showed signs of battle even now. 

Thor seemed right at home here, Loki remembering one summer where he’d went off with Sif to the wilds of Asgard. Just seeing the frayed, but fairly new, furs that were huddled in one corner had Loki guessing what Thor and Sif were up to here.

“There’s a spring not far from here. Mother told me she used to use it to spy on my father during the war. Some kind of scrying,” He looked expectantly at Loki like he too had heard this story.

Really, it was hard to remember that there was a time Frigga hadn’t been Odin’s loving wife. That she had hated him just like the rest of the Vanir. He wondered if any of these marks in the floor were hers. “What’s a spring going to do?”

“It’s better than your mirrors,” Thor said, nodding down to Loki’s pack.

“You er, know about that?” He’d always thought, since Frigga had said it was dangerous magic, that it was also lesser known. Ergo, someone like Thor, whose experience with magic was poor to begin with, wouldn’t have a clue what it was.

Yet Thor said, “Yes.” Explaining when Loki just looked at him, “Mother did try to teach me some magic too Loki. She thought since mine was ‘elemental’ I might be more inclined to more powerful stuff.”

“I’m guessing she was wrong.” Since while Magni and Modi had some promise, Thor didn’t really have the patience or the discipline to attempt to put as much effort into his magic as he did his weapons. 

Thor stayed silent, the two of the happening upon the spring as they rounded the corner. 

The water inside was clear, and still ran as it probably had done when it was first built into the mountain. Loki swished his hand in it, testing for any residual magic before taking a long drink. He told Thor to do the same, keeping a watch for anyone approaching.

“So what’s the plan?” Thor asked when he was done. “We go to Jotunheim and usurp Skrymir?”

“As nice as that idea is, I’m afraid not.” And it was a nice idea. How Loki would have loved slipping into Jotunheim and slitting Skrymir’s throat. He could practically feel the blood running down his hands. Yet Loki knew it would do no good to go after Skrymir just yet. “Besides, you’re not coming.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. Of course I am.” The tone Thor had told Loki not to argue. 

But Loki had to be clear on this. “I might not come back from this Thor. And while I’m willing to put my life on the line I won’t put yours.”

“I’m touched,” Thor said.

“It’s not because I care,” Loki explained. “Just that you’re the future king of Asgard and if I do survive I don’t want to be executed for treason. I have plans.”

“That makes… no sense.” Thor still insisting that, “I’m still coming though. And if you try to stop me, well, we’ll see what happens.”

They faced off, long enough for Fenrir to make his presence known with a warning huff. Thor, if he was surprised to see Fenrir, didn’t show it, just stood a bit apart from them as Loki turned to the water before them. 

To actually use the water would have been easier. As would using the mirror in his pack. But Loki was saving that for later, especially now he had an alternative. So, hardening the water, he rose it from the spring until a clean sheet of ice stood wide and tall enough for Fenrir to go through. Casting the seeking spell, a landscape that wouldn’t be amiss in Jotunheim appeared before them. 

He sent Fenrir through first, his son trusting him enough after the last time to go through. Thor went immediately afterwards, as if daring Loki to try and leave him. He could have just pulled Thor back through, but time was of the essence, especially when Heimdall realised where they were. So he hopped through, making sure the ice shattered behind them, all traces of where they went left in Heimdall’s gaze.

The cold chilled even Loki as he stepped through. He found even changing his skin did nothing to alleviate his numbness. Nor would it ever. This wasn’t a place that was meant for comfort.

“I do not recognise this place. Are we in Jotunheim?” Thor asked.

“No.” He conjured a ball of light, breathing easier knowing his magic was still available to him here. “I don’t think you’ve ever been anywhere like here before Thor. Here, this way.” 

He didn’t actually know his way. He’d never been here before himself. But since the only thing around for miles was a tiny spec that was alleviated above the rest, Loki figured that was the best place to start walking. 

The snow crunched under his feet, no longer a comfort to his soles and instead one chilling, dragging step after another. There was no wind, nor any sun, yet they could see from some vestige of light anyway. 

It felt like an age before they were even half way to the spec on the horizon, Loki’s feet feeling heavier with each step he took. At this rate, he would be wishing to fall down and sleep before they even reached it, and if Loki was to have any luck they would need speed on their side. 

The others were feeling it too. Thor hadn’t spoken since they arrived, his cape clutched to his chest to starve off the ever seeking cold and lagging just as much as Loki. It made Loki wonder if it was worse for Thor, his Aesir skin having a hard time in Jotunheim never mind here, or whether it was just the same. Whether they all were treated equally here. 

The latter sounded right as Loki too started pulling his cloak more securely over his front.

Fenrir gave a tired whine as the spec grew in front of them to an archway of sorts. He’d tried loping ahead, Loki telling him to have at it if he thought he could make it before them. Yet here he was now, keeping pace and lagging behind like Loki’s form could help ward off a wind he thought was chilling him.

They stopped to catch their breaths as they came to arch, Loki falling flat on his ass as the strength just left him. He didn’t know whether it was a bad omen yet, to sit there, but since his attempt at standing again had him collapsing he figured death was coming either way so he may as well go comfortably.

“Loki,” Thor panted, “Where are we? Be truthful.”

“You wouldn’t turn back,” Loki warned before huffing, “Helheim.”

“Helheim!” Thor fell down next to him, “Why are we in Helheim?”

“To stop Skrymir.” 

“In Helheim?” Thor barked, “Last I checked Loki Skrymir wasn’t here.”

“No,” Loki agreed. “But Hela is.” He rolled on his side, glad to note that his breath was slowly coming back to him, as was the feeling in his legs. This place merely weighed him down, not sapped his strength. They should be fine to keep moving. “Thor, you heard Helblindi, I’ve heard my brother say it himself. He’s trying to bring about Ragnarok. If we don’t find Hela and convince her to ally herself to us, we’re all dead.”

“And you think this Hela will ally herself with us?” A thought which had crossed even Loki’s mind. 

Someone with Hela’s supposed powers, especially if they ran as strongly as Thor’s, would be disinclined to ally herself with anyone. Which was kind of the point. Skrymir, for all his pretty words and ideals, could perhaps persuade someone like Hela to consider his proposal, especially if fate was to have her agreeing anyway. Loki, therefore, had come here to remind her that she wasn’t a slave to someone else’s desires. That, like himself, they could ward off their true deaths for a few more millenia to come. 

All it took was the right words. “We’ll be fine,” Loki said eventually, repeating it again before dragging himself back to his feet. “We need to keep moving. I want to make good time before nightfall.”

“If there is nightfall,” Thor muttered but pushed himself up as well.

The archway before they led down a chasm, the stairs treacherous and never ending from this high up. It would be torture itself climbing down, but hopefully they would only have to make this journey once this visit, and down was always easier than up. 

He skid his foot along the top step, feeling its slip and casting a wary glance back at Fenrir. The wise choice would be to use his magic to carry Fenrir down, but should they make camp at the bottom of this chasm Loki knew he would have need of whatever magical strength he had left there to make a fire. Had Fenrir been just a bit smaller, or had some track to his paws perhaps he could have made it down himself.

As it was, Loki handed his pack to Thor with strict warnings to not lose it before bundling Fenrir in his arms like he was baby frost giant.

“You can’t be serious,” Thor said, but didn’t offer to take Loki’s place as they started down the steps. 

It wasn’t like Fenrir was too bad to carry. Loki, while small, had some strength he thanked Laufey for. He was much easier to carry than Hron anyway, who spent most of his time trying to kick Loki’s ribs apart. The most Fenrir did was wag his tail, much happier to not be moving and indulging in the small warmth Loki’s arms had to offer.

The worst, really, was that Loki tired faster. Fenrir kept him warm but he did add to the burden that weighed Loki down with each passing step he took. Pretty soon Thor overtook them by ten steps, and only when tiredness set in did he start slowing down enough that even Loki could catch up.

“I don’t understand why you couldn’t magic us to where Hela actually is,” Thor huffed, stumbling down a few more steps before turning back in a pretence to make sure Loki caught up.

“It doesn’t work like that,” Loki said. “If I haven’t been there specifically the mirror’s just give me a random point of entry. And I haven’t been to Helheim, so this is our only way to go.” He hoped. For all he knew their journey lay the other way.

A few more steps then stop for Thor, the sweat on his brow strangely not freezing despite the cool air. “You’d think this would be easier.”

“It is,” Loki said. “In fact, the next time we do this we’ll probably be running through it. It’s only because we’re alive that we’re finding it so difficult.” Loki had been taught that Helheim was both a home for the dead and a walkway. Here, where they were now, wasn’t where the spectres lived, he hoped, and instead, should they journey the whole way, they should end up in Valhalla. It was no place for the living therefore, and it was no wonder Helheim was doing whatever it could to make them turn back.

They went down. So far down that Loki was surprised there was still light to see by. Fenrir had long since dozed off, his body seeming more heavy now it was a dead weight in Loki’s arms. Really, Loki didn’t know how they even got to the bottom. He thought, at one point that he might just topple over the edge, or fall forward and roll the rest of the way down. Yet here he was, setting Fenrir down on smooth ground once more and falling face first into the snow.

Night was never going to fall in Helheim. They had been here for hours and not once did Loki see a change in the sky above. It was a constant, motionless void or a realm. One without sunlight, or time, or wind or anything that brought life. So, after Loki got his breath back, he tugged his cape from around his shoulders and lay it on the floor.

He magicked up a ball of light that emitted heat, since no wood nor stone could be found to produce fire for them. Thor latched onto the warmth as soon as he felt it, keeping close enough that his breath fogged the air as the two temperatures warred.

Fenrir, Loki tugged a bit closer, making sure to keep well clear of his claws that often scratched in the night should he dream. The ideal would be to change shape and curl up in the divet that Fenrir’s bulk left, but since Thor was with them Loki had to amend his plans once more.

“Here,” he said, reaching around for Thor’s cape. “Strip down to your tunic. We’ll be warmer if there’s less layers between us.”

Used to adventuring Thor didn’t question Loki’s logic, only took one last deep breath before facing the harsh cold as he stripped himself of his cape and heavier armour. Bundled together and with Fenrir warm and soft at their head it was still cold, but warm enough to find some scant hours of sleep. Loki’s body welcomed it eagerly, dreaming that night of Helblindi finding himself alone in Asgard and being forced to have tea with Frigga once more.

They slept in longer than they should have. But since Loki figured he should be grateful he woke at all he didn’t spend too much time dwelling on it. Fenrir was easy enough to wake, getting more sleep than him and Thor combined he was able to shake himself off and sniff around Loki for breakfast in seconds. Thor, on the other hand, Loki noted how pale he’d gotten, and while he did wake, it was worrying enough the time it took that Loki sent a brief search of magic to assess Thor’s capabilities. 

“You should have stayed in Asgard,” Loki sighed, helping him with his armour.

“Told you Loki,” Thor said slowly, as if he was having a hard time already moving, “I’m not leaving you.”

“Yes well I might have to leave you,” Loki countered. Especially now. Thor’s magic was connected to life, not death. While Loki’s wasn’t really centred around anything Thor’s relied on the life around him, the skies for thunder and the ground for fertility. To be in a land that was barren was messing with his system. Given enough time, his body would adapt, but they didn’t have time and Thor needed to keep going if he had hope not to be left behind. 

Both Loki and Fenrir were tasked with helping keep Thor upright as they started through the snow once more. The light hadn’t dwindled at all since their slumber, and managed to light even inside the structures of ice that seemed to form caves of a sort in the ice around them. 

It was chance that took them one way, and chance again that had them turning back when they came to a dead end. “Do you think they just faded?” Thor mumbled, Fenrir nudging him upright again as they left the grisly scene behind them.

The dead end had been literally that, an end filled with the dead. They weren’t the first to journey here still living. He didn’t recognise their armour, well, he did. They were Asgardian, that much was apparent from the designs inscribed into the metal. But their colours and their style Loki hadn’t seen the likes in Asgard before. Nor had he seen the animals that were scattered around them. They seemed horse like in shape, but had wings that sprouted from their backs. Their saddles suggested they were a means of transportation for the warriors, but until Loki saw one alive he would never be able to imagine the beauty they had once been.

“I don’t know,” Loki eventually said, “I’m just as lost here as you are.” He thought back to how they were scattered, the impact of their skeletons on the ground, “They looked like they had been fighting.”

“Perhaps they fell through a wormhole,” Thor mused. “It isn’t that uncommon on the edges of Asgard. Especially where the Valkyries would have trained.”

“Valkyries?” He’d only ever heard about them in stories. Apparently there did used to be a fleet of them, but, as Loki learned when Sif first joined the warrior’s ranks, they had faded into myth amongst even Asgardians as no one heard word from them. “You think they were Valkyries then?” And while he’d never seen one before did not mean that Loki wasn’t fascinated. These too, were people from his childhood legends. They were also, Loki thought back to the scene behind him, supposed to be the warriors that carried the dead to Valhalla. Unless they encountered sentient Valkyries further down this road Loki would have to put that down to another story that was just that, a story.

Thor pulled Loki back from his long strides, using him more as a crutch to stay up as they walked further on. “When I was a boy, my mother used to tell me stories of the Valkyries. I used to want to be one. Still would if they would accept men. Mother used to tell me about their ferocity in battle, how they were my father’s first line of defence against the Vanir. She called them beautifully unchallenged. I always hoped their silence was because there was no need for them these days, that they had retreated to train quietly until such a time when they were needed again. But…”

“Yeah.” 

That scene, it suggested something else entirely. 

They hit another dead end, Loki getting to his wits end as he let Thor lie down. “We’re going to have to go back to the Valkyries.” The whole reason they had decided not to go that way was because they thought if the Valkyries didn’t survive that way, it probably wasn’t the right way. Yet, it seemed that wasn’t the case as Loki left Thor to see if he could hunt around for a cave or a tunnel that would lead them out of this chasm.

There wasn’t one. Nothing but the icy archways that led to sheets of ice that led to nowhere. 

He came back to Thor and Fenrir, finding the two cosied up, Thor seeming to lose his hesitancy after Fenrir spent since they woke keeping Thor up. 

Tugging off his cape, Loki wrapped it around the two of them. “We can rest for a while, but we really need to get out of here.”

Thor’s head lolled onto Loki’s shoulder, his breathing softening until he was asleep once more. Loki let Fenrir gather his strength before asking nicely if he was willing to walk back to the Valkyries with Thor on his back. It took some convincing, namely because Fenrir didn’t see why Loki couldn’t do it, but eventually they were back along the frigid ground, Loki’s feet feeling like they had spent days walking not hours as they finally happened upon the Valkyries skeletons once more.


	33. Chapter 33

He grabbed a few knives as they passed, a few capes too he draped over himself and Fenrir. Mostly Loki tried not to disturb the bodies too much, marvelling at how many they were until the snow remained undisturbed once more. 

He made them walk a few feet more until the nearest body was a good distance away before making camp once again. The food he kept in his pack, no matter how much Fenrir sniffed at it. They could survive another journey without food. They had to. So he pushed Fenrir’s snout away once more and lay on top of his pack for good measure, taking Thor’s armour off him once more, worrying at the lack of response the jostling got him before clutching to the warmth that meant Thor was still alive. 

They continued walking for what felt like years along the barren snow. They came across landmarks here and there, places that were meant to guide the dead to Valhalla. Mostly they came across nothing, and went to sleep not knowing whether they would need to backtrack once more when they woke. 

Eight times Loki slept in Helheim before Thor woke enough to walk on his own once more. Loki and Fenrir had been taking turns carrying him, Loki reluctant at first until the third waking time came and still no one crossed their path. 

Thor seemed better, more adjusted when they set off the ninth waking time. He was able to keep pace with them even if he was struggling, and had breath inside him enough to carry on a conversation to what he’d missed. 

Not much.

“Do you think we’re any closer to her?” Thor asked at one point.

“No idea.” Loki answered easily. He wasn’t going to lie and say yes. Thor knew that this wasn’t going to be easy coming into it and it was his own stupid fault not asking Loki to send him back. “Thor, you know your children will be missing you,” he tried, hoping maybe that would sway Thor to just ask.

Yet Thor didn’t. Shaking his head he said, “This is important. And I’ve been missing for longer. They… they barely saw me before anyway. It won’t be any different now.” He cast a look around him, “Why? How long do you think we’ve been here?”

Loki shrugged, “Since there’s no way to tell time I would guess a few days, no longer than a week.” Since, just because they had been asleep nine times did not mean nine days had passed. “But, Helheim is a realm I haven’t been to before.” Which was the problem, “We could have been here for a week, or we could have been here for longer. I honestly don’t know how time passes here in comparison to the other realms.” It was a land of the dead after all. A land that didn’t need time and therefore didn’t have to answer to it. 

The answer, obviously, bothered Thor. If they had been gone longer than a week, if it had been months not just a few weeks as was the second best they could hope for, then bad things could come of this. Helblindi’s position in Asgard would be questioned again by the Allfather. No doubt Loki would be charged with kidnapping, maybe even murder as the days passed and no word from either of them came. War could have been declared. People could have died and here they were traipsing through the land of the dead.

They came to another landmark on their twelfth cycle. This time it was another cliff, the archway they came to this time connecting a rickety bridge to the other side. Thor went first, the ice causing him to frown as his boots gave a little. The ice held as Thor clung to the ice like ropes that acted as stabilizers. He didn’t look too pleased as he reached the other side, namely because his hands were cut and Loki himself had to make his way across next. With Fenrir.

“Here’s the deal Fenrir,” Loki started. “You keep still, don’t even thump your tail and we don’t fall and I’ll give you the last of the food in my pack. Sound good?”

Fenrir nodded, rearing up to let Loki grip his lower half better. It was harder stepping onto here than it had been on the stairs. Eventually, Loki had to backtrack and kick his boots off, his Jotun skin doing a better job of clinging to the ice than the leather. 

Even then he slipped enough times for Fenrir to start panicking. The way down was long and arduous. They both knew they could die here, and while Loki had hoped death could be some kind of answer, he didn’t want to end his life here. He didn’t want to end up like the Valkyries in that chasm and neither did Fenrir, which was why when Loki fell between two slabs of ice Fenrir jumped out of Loki’s arms, doing his best to walk himself before falling, like Loki into the gaps between the bridge. 

“It’s okay,” Loki soothed, having an easier time getting up now he wasn’t carrying the big wolf. “It’s okay, don’t panic.” Namely because the ice ropes were starting to strain under Fenrir’s weight. He took a quick decision, knowing he was going to regret it later as he used his magic to carry Fenrir the rest of the way. 

When he reached the other side, Fenrir levelled him with a glare, asking him why he didn’t just do that in the first place. 

“Because,” Loki huffed, “We don’t know when we’re going to run into Hela. If her first thought is to attack us you’re going to want my magic at full power. Besides, I thought you trusted me enough not to struggle.”

Another glare and a sulk as they started walking again Loki used the last of his magic reserves for the day to heal Thor’s palms and the abrasions Fenrir and Loki himself had got from that damn bridge.

They bunkered down just as they reached another landmark, this one a sort of monument with its upper half cleaved off. It led to a cave structure anyway, and from the brief wind that blew out of it Loki figured they were finally on the right track.

They took in the gust as it came again, feeling it suck and blow like someone was breathing onto them. Loki didn’t know if that was actually the case, not until he heard a faint wailing, then he knew.

“Think we could stop at Valhalla before we come back this way?” Thor asked.

“Doubt it,” Loki answered, wishing too that they could take a reprieve in the hall of glorious dead. “But, don’t worry, we’re only going to be doing this once. Alive. So, just, shut your eyes if you get scared.”

A strangled laugh came Thor’s way, Fenrir just gazing into the cave in confusion as his nose twitched, trying to catch the scent of the man inside.

They made camp just outside the lip of the cave. Thor was well enough to take off his own armour that day, but still sighed gratefully when it was off his body. He was already huddling Loki’s way as Fenrir managed to dig into the last of their food, making it out like this was his reward for not being dropped down that ridiculous chasm.

Loki let him, urging him closer when he was done until the pup was practically in Loki’s lap, circling around until he could get comfortable. 

That night, Loki did what he should have done months ago and told Fenrir some of the stories Loki himself remembered of his childhood. It was a warning, more than anything of what they were going to encounter in the cave. It was also just Loki enjoying Fenrir’s company. He never forgot that Fenrir was his son, but it was times like this, when he was listening with an attentiveness other wolves didn’t, that Loki truly saw their similarities. 

It was an uncomfortable night with Thor on one side and Fenrir on his front. But Loki found sleep eventually, and woke with aches but refreshed. 

They strapped on Thor’s armour, Loki making sure it was nice and tight, so, actually on properly rather than the loose ties they’d been favouring lately. Some of Loki’s worry must have shown through since Thor stayed his hands, drawing Loki’s own cloak on for him. “We’ll be fine,” Thor said. “You said it yourself, fate is on your side.”

“That’s what I’m worried about.” 

Fenrir took the middle, all of them walking in one by one with Thor at the rear. The cave, whilst they had heard noise before sleeping, was still long and empty before the first signs of life, or death, could be seen. 

A man was the first person they saw, his breath adding to the wind of wails that they had felt at the cave mouth. He was chained, as were all those that had died dishonorably, and only in here did the snow melt into a constant drip that had long since driven this man mad. He seemed solid to look at, and Loki didn’t doubt that he would be to touch either. These were the men that would be draugrs should their burials be disturbed. 

They hurried away from him, choosing not to linger even if the stench of decay grew stronger the further they ventured inside.

The dead were many, but they were also few. There seemed to be a never ending reserve of them within the countless tunnels they spied here, but they were scattered, looking lesser in numbers when someone wasn’t keeping count. 

Fenrir started whimpering the deeper they walked, his nose stronger than Loki’s and therefore picking up the heart of Helheim before they stumbled into it. When he started skittering, Loki told Thor to keep him here, in the tunnels where the men wailed but to keep him from leaving if he tried.

“It’ll be fine,” Loki promised Fenrir. “Trust me.” He gave a lingering stroke to Fenrir’s ears, the touch seeming to soothe some of the worry. 

He walked away before he too could cower away.

The tunnels, labyrinth in nature, all filtered down to a main chamber, for the dead needed to be assessed before they were allowed to either venture forward to Valhalla or stay in the tunnels until Ragnarok. 

There were no wailing people in the chamber, nor much of anything save snow. Yet it wasn’t barren. At the centre sat a woman, her hair black and nail clawed as she carved runes into the snow.

“You’re not dead,” She greeted.

“No my lady,” he bowed. 

“You don’t belong here.” She looked back at him, and something about her face, her eyes, struck Loki as familiar. He couldn’t pin point what. 

“No my lady,” He agreed, pushing the suspicion to the side to sidle closer. “And hopefully I won’t be staying long. I merely wished to speak with you.”

That garnered some surprise, Hela asking, “Me?” As if she couldn’t believe anyone would seek her out.

“You are Hela are you not?”

A small smile came to her lips as she straightened up, taller than Loki would have expected. “A Jotun that knows my name. A few hundred years ago I wouldn’t have thought twice about it. But Odin has done his best to wipe my name from the history books.”

“He didn’t do a very good job,” Loki noted. “On Midgard you are revered. Everyone knows the name Hela.”

An odd glint came into her eye when Loki mentioned Midgard. Yet she didn’t say anything more about it, instead asking after a pause, “What do you want Jotun?”

“To talk. It’s in the interest of both of us that we have this conversation, so please, don’t turn me away.” 

She didn’t. Like Loki, her curiosity had been stoked, and either boredom or the flattery Loki had bestowed on her had her listening. “Make it quick. While there isn’t much to do I still have a realm to rule.”

“Of course,” he bowed. “In that case I suppose I should start with why I know about you.” He started with the original tales. The ones that always had Hela tied to Ragnarok. Then he moved onto the others. The ones Skrymir had twisted for his own gain. Hela listened to it all without comment, Loki making his way through his reason for coming here fairly quickly all things considered. “So, you see, it’s imperative that we do something.”

She was quiet for a while, considering him and the truth in his story. “You know you can’t fight fate,” She said eventually. “This attempt is doing nothing to stop anything.”

“It’s not to stop it,” Loki said. “It never was. It’s just to delay it. The realms are young and so are we. If we don’t do something we’re looking at complete desolation.”

“And?” She asked, “It’s no concern of mine whether you all die. In fact, from the sounds of things it’s in my favour to help Ragnarok come about. I have a few loose ends to tie up, ones I can’t do here.” And Ragnarok would enable her to cross into the other realms, reaping the souls of those in her path along the way.

Loki had been expecting this however, and reminded her, “End means end for all. You will get your revenge but it will all be for naught. I know a thing or two about revenge my lady, and trust me, it’s much better when people are around to suffer for your actions than for them all to be dead and have no one to gloat to.” 

She considered that too, the twist to her mouth telling Loki he was right to have said what he did. 

“Besides,” Loki tacked on. “If we find a way to delay it, for all the pawns to be scattered once more, I’m sure a capable goddess like yourself will eventually find a way out of Helheim.” Since there was magic more than location keeping her here. There were invisible chains locking her to this realm. Ones Loki no doubt would also be given when he got back to Asgard. “And once you do, with Ragnarok still a ways off, you can exact whatever desires you have with the knowledge people will have a few years to know about it.”

She scowled, hissing, “Fine.” 

Loki feeling the worry he’d held so deep in his chest loosen somewhat with that acceptance. She was honourable too, like any good warrior, and Loki trusted her to keep her word. Which just left the rest of his purpose here.

“What do you need me to do?” Hela asked as if reading Loki’s hesitance.

“I-”

A wail came from the caves beyond. One, high pitched whine that struck the very heart of Loki’s being. He ran to Thor with no mind to the disrespect to Hela, dropping to his knees as Thor lifted his hammer into his hand once more.

“No,” he moaned, crawling the last few feet to Fenrir. His body was already still, his head caved in at an angle that spoke of a quick death. He still felt around for signs of life anyway. Pressing his head to Fenrir’s chest and feeling in front of his nose for breath. 

There was none. There wouldn’t be any anymore.

“What did you do?” Loki hissed, eyes fixed on Mjolnir still dripping with Fenrir’s brains. “Why would you- I was supposed to do it.”

Thor just looked sadly back at him, dropping Mjolnir in some backwards sign of peace. 

“Well I guess that’s one way to do it,” Hela said, Loki not even looking as she ventured closer. “Who are you then?” she asked Thor.

“No one,” Thor mumbled.

She hummed, Loki clutching Fenrir’s fur in the faint hopes it would move again beneath his fingers. “I don’t suppose you have the serpent with you too. It would make things a lot easier if there were two beings to resurrect instead of one.”

Thor must have shook his head since Hela came near not long after.

“He will come back,” She tried, her attempt at sympathy coming more as condescending, and since they still hadn’t finished their conversation she asked, “You don’t want him to smash your head in too while he’s here do you?”

At that, Hela found herself flying into one of the pillars, a huffed laugh flying from her lips as Thor tugged Loki up and away from the goddess. “We’re leaving,” he snapped, “Don’t try anything.”

“Like you would be able to stop me if I did.” She shook herself off. “We will meet again Odinson, don’t you worry, and I’ll even let you have a fighting chance before I gouge your eyes out.” She waved goodbye at them, moving carefully until she was able to lift Fenrir’s lifeless body up and carry him into her chamber.

“Loki,” Thor said struggling in his weakness to drag Loki away. “The mirror.”

“He’s dead,” Loki heard himself saying. 

“Yes and we need to get out of here.” Thor took Loki’s pack himself, spilling the remaining contents until he could grasp the shard of mirror. He cut Loki’s hand trying to get him to grip it, ending up shaking Loki rather harshly until Loki’s mind focused once more. “We need to leave,” Thor urged, putting the shard in Loki’s hand once more.

Loki gripped it, his magic enlarging it and bringing up Asgard, their room to be exact, doing this before his mind spiralled back to the fact that Fenrir-

The warmth hit Loki’s skin like fire, burning him until he lost the numbness and was left with the reality that he was back here. He’d done it. Fenrir was… Fenrir was gone.

He didn’t really remember what happened, but at some point Thor managed to get him in their bath, the water cool enough to raise goosebumps on Thor’s skin. He was surprised he wasn’t in the dungeons. Did Odin even know they were back yet? Heimdall surely would have told him by now. 

As Thor dunked water over his head Loki found he didn’t care. 

“I was supposed to do it,” Loki said, his voice scratchy in his throat. “I was supposed to do it. I was supposed to say goodbye and-”

“I know,” Thor soothed, he cupped Loki’s face in his hands, making sure Loki couldn’t look away. “I know Loki, and I’m sorry but if you’d done it you never would have forgave yourself.”

He clutched Thor’s hands, his nails digging in, “I was supposed to do it.”

“He doesn’t hate you now,” Thor said over him, “All he saw was you walking away and talking with Hela. He didn’t even know what you were planning. This was for the best.”

His vision blurred, a sob wracking his body as it set in Fenrir was gone. Dead until Ragnarok. Safe. But gone all the same.

Jormungandr Loki had never known, he was just a story to Loki now. But Fenrir. Fenrir had been real. Loki had seen him, got, loathe as he was to admit it, attached to him. He managed to see the intelligence in him, the proof that he was more than just a story, more than a monster told to others. He was Fenrir, Loki’s son, and Loki hadn’t been there when he needed him.

He had wanted it to be himself from the beginning, thinking that he owed Fenrir that much. He was going to bargain with Hela, tell her to keep Fenrir in the land of the dead where Odin couldn’t get to him, where he wouldn’t be able to chain him up and Fenrir couldn’t birth himself the beings that would kill the Allfather. He had wanted to tell Fenrir it was alright, that they were leaving before slipping a knife through his heart. He’d planned it out, he’d made peace with it, and here Loki was screaming into Thor’s chest because someone had took pity on Loki.

They stayed in the bath until Loki calmed enough to be moved again, Thor rinsing him off and helping him out. He cast eyes on the door for only a moment before sliding into bed next to Loki, pulling him into his arms once more and murmuring the words he’d been saying almost non stop since they had come back.

That Fenrir didn’t hate him at the end. That it was Thor that would bare his wrath as well as the guilt for their actions. He didn’t say it was okay, that they had fulfilled Loki’s plan. He didn’t say anything but reassure Loki that Fenrir wouldn’t feel the betrayal as much as he would have done should Loki have wielded the weapon.

“When did you know?” Loki whispered in the morning light. “About Fenrir.”

“That he was your son or that you were going to kill him?” Thor asked back, thinking for a moment before talking before Loki could push more painful words out. “I guessed he was yours when you kept going to see him. That book Hogun gave me, it had some aspects that were truthful to be ignored and, I guess, when I saw Fenrir up close after that… he had your eyes. The same shade.” Thor’s thumb brushed a few stray tears away. “As for the other part, I only really understood when we slept in front of Hela’s domain.”

He dropped off not long after that, the exhaustion of crying as well as being in Helheim forcing him into a dark, dreamless slumber. Thor was gone when he woke, and since there were no guards waiting to arrest him Loki ate and journeyed to where he thought Helblindi might still be.

His brother was still alive, answering after a knock and dragging Loki inside to give him a rant about leaving without telling him. “I had Odin himself coming in asking whether I knew where you were! You could have been dead and…” 

Loki tuned it out after a while, pulling his knees to his chest and just sitting in a room that wasn’t concerned with Loki’s feelings. 

He stayed there until evening when Thor came to collect them for supper, something Helblindi didn’t let Loki go to until he knew just how many he’d been forced to sit through alone with Thor’s parents. It answered at least one of Loki’s questions as they walked into the main hall, Loki still not being arrested. It turned out, time really did pass differently in Helheim than it did in the other realms, but, unlike the months Loki feared they had been gone, it had only been five days. Not a long time at all, and the more Loki thought about it the more that made sense. Helheim was a land of suffering, for those trapped in its caverns. A day for them should be an eternity. 

Still, it was less time than Loki had been expecting and probably explained why Odin was more than ready to let Loki take his usual seat next to Frigga.

“You’re looking pale,” Frigga fussed as soon as he sat. “You didn’t catch anything in Vanaheim did you?”

Loki saw Thor glare his way, a will for Loki to play along. He did, knowing better than to question whatever excuse Thor had given. “I don’t think so. I’m just tired.”

She hummed, not quite believing him, “Well, make sure you get an early night. You too Thor. While it’s alright to skirt your duties for a few days you have to accept taking them up again as soon as you’re back.”

“I know mother,” Thor soothed. “And I am sorry for not telling you we were leaving. It was a spur of the moment thing.”

Frigga hummed again, sending an odd look both of their ways before the usual silence descended and Loki tried to force down his supper. 

Helblindi, naturally, managed to beg out of the supper early by using his children. Loki wasn’t so lucky, and had to settle for kissing his nephews goodnight and suffering through another course of food.

When they did leave, it was to retreat back to their room, Thor walking ahead, spying Sif before Loki could and saying something to her to send her off. Loki latched onto it like a starving man, anything to not talk about their trip to Helheim.

“She was just asking where we’d been. Your disappearance was cause for concern.” As if Loki could forget Thor telling him the Einherjar were probably on their way.

“What excuse did you make?”

Here Thor blushed, busying himself with his boots so he wouldn’t have to look up. “I told them you were going to Jotunheim to set Fenrir free. Heimdall… I managed to talk to him while you were sleeping, he won’t tell my father where we were. The most father does know is that you took us somewhere Heimdall couldn’t see, apparently Helheim is clouded to him.”

“So Odin thinks I deliberately shielded Heimdall from me? I’m not in the dungeons so that can’t be all.” After all, they had made it clear that Loki was to remain seen to the watcher.

Thor rubbed at his beard slightly, “I er, told them I intercepted and, once we saw to Fenrir’s release we went to Vanaheim for the rest of the week. They think we spent it trying to conceive.”

“Smart,” Loki remembered to say, starting to disrobe himself.

It was too. No one wanted their romantic exploits to be seen so it explained why Loki shielded them from sight. Also, since it was a private matter Thor could keep it as vague as possible without too many questions being asked. It was no wonder Frigga had been giving them odd looks, she was probably assuming Loki was about to give her some grandchildren she could actually spoil.

Despite Loki’s mind being free from worry for Skrymir’s plans for the time being, that didn’t mean that he was skipping about Asgard. Fenrir’s death hit him harder than he thought it would. At night, he was plagued with reminders of what he’d done, what he’d led Fenrir to. Through the day, he would often find himself wandering to the woods, stopping when he reached the edge as he remembered there was no one in there anymore. No one for him anyway.

He found himself crying when it was extremely inconvenient, more than once one of the children he’d remembered to pick up that day asked him what was wrong, Thor having to swoop in when Loki struggled to come up with an answer. It got to a point Thor told him to just leave the children until he was feeling better. Something Loki tried to fight, since the whole point of this subterfuge was so Thor could see his children. But Thor eventually won out when Loki ended up waking in his old hut, the palace in shambles when he trudged back as guards escorted him personally back to Thor.

Naturally, Frigga thought it was a good sign that Loki was having sleepless nights. She figured, with their combined magic, that perhaps the sleepwalking was their unborn child trying to make itself known. Odin had the sight after all, and often Frigga would wake to find him where he shouldn’t be. 

Thor played into it if only to save her from worrying. But really, the dreams were anything but reassuring.

If it was the sight, it was an awful vision. One of Hela stroking Fenrir’s smashed in head. Others of chains, so many chains, weighing Loki down. He woke more than once in his hut after such dreams, curling himself in the blankets that should have joined Fenrir in the other world. Thor would come for him sometimes, if he woke to find Loki’s side of the bed empty. 

Loki was sure the times he woke in his own bed after such dreams it was due to Thor finding him and carrying him back while he still slumbered. The times he didn’t, and Thor came for him, it was always with a promise that the guards had been told where he was, Thor himself making a blanket out of the old furs Loki had abandoned before Jotunheim and drifting off once more until morning.

Loki was sure there was something wrong with him as he found comfort whenever he did feel Thor at his back. Thor had swung the hammer after all. But he was also the one that had spared Loki the task of doing so himself. He didn’t leave Loki either, to wallow in his misery. Not alone anyway. He didn’t pressure Loki for details, or demand he cheer up, just lay down next to him as proof of the words he’d spoken so long ago after Loki had shattered their nursery. That Thor would always come back for him.

It was that thought that had Loki turning to Thor when he came. There, in Loki’s old hut without the ears of the palace listening to them, he told Thor about Fenrir. About all of it. He told him of the mountain, of Angrboda and Skrymir and Balder. He even told Thor about Gaea, not so sure whether Skrymir might have been lying about that but figuring it was Thor’s right to know anyway.

Thor was mad, rightly so too, but he listened until the end, and when Loki asked, “What kind of a father does that to his child?” 

Thor was kind enough to say, “You were trying to protect him Loki. You know if you didn’t something worse would have happened to him. At least this way it was fast.”

He waited until morning before he left Loki with Helblindi and went for a walk, thinking about what they had talked about and what it meant for him now. 

Loki expected Frigga to confront him that night, to ask why he was trying to cause a further rift in her family. But Frigga never came, and instead, when Loki asked, Thor said he didn’t ask.

“I don’t want to know,” Thor said. “Frigga is my mother. She always has been and she always will be. I don’t need to ask her to know that.”

To which they left it at that. But for other issues, like Balder, Thor sent Sigyn Loki’s way once more. 

She found him staring longingly outside of the palace balcony, plans flitting through Loki’s head every now and then as they had been since his return.

“You look sad,” She greeted, hopping up beside him. “You’ve not missed me that much have you?”

Loki cracked a smile, “I’ve missed beating you at cards.”

“Strange, I don’t recall that ever happening.” 

She had chosen one of her more vibrant dresses today rather than the bland ones she’d been wearing since Loki suggested it. It was nice seeing her be herself, and not for the first time Loki wondered why Sigyn was wasting herself on a boring man like Balder when she deserved someone who liked her for who she was. 

She nudged him, the both of them lucky Loki had excellent ballance. “Really Loki, what’s wrong? I’m having tea with Nanna, conducting the perfect rendezvous for myself and Balder later and then Thor bursts in, sends Nanna to the aviary and me to you.” She sighed when he couldn’t come up with a good enough response in the gap she left him, carrying on to say, “You may as well tell me. The whole palace knows you’re sad. You’re not really with child are you? I know you weren’t exactly, ecstatic, about having them.”

“No,” Loki said, knowing by supper time Frigga would be giving him advice for conceiving. “Nothing like that. I’m just worried about my brother. He’s not handling his banishment well.”

“Oh,” And that excuse surely won him points in Asgard’s eyes as Sigyn started on how how sweet he was. He got three similar talks after Sigyn left, word travelling fast that Loki’s recent mood swings were the result of familial worry. After all, Frost giant or not, everyone loved the idea that Loki was sensitive. The more tame he was in their eyes the less of a threat he was.

Even Frigga came to him and reassured him that Helblindi was settling in well. If only she knew what Helblindi said behind her back. But Loki appreciated her kindness anyway and stuck around to listen properly as she told him the best way to get with child. A horrible few hours if Loki was being truthful, but one he suffered through now she thought him and Thor were getting along enough to even be considering children. 

Regardless, he kept that advice to himself when he saw Thor again. “What did you find out?” Loki asked, glaring at the book that was once again in Thor’s hands.

Thor sighed, setting it on his thighs, “That he certainly looks like my mother. He calls the people who took him in his parents, but, I don’t know, wouldn’t any boy that was adopted do the same? Especially if he didn’t know.”

“Probably,” Loki agreed. He hopped into the sheets next to Thor. “I just, don’t understand why I would even kill him. He’s annoying yes, and while I do have the urge to leave him in a ditch on occasion, I don’t want to kill him.”

“That might change,” Thor said, which was true. They had a long time to live, and a long time for things to change while they lived. At some point, Loki could maybe find himself orchestrating Balder’s death. For now, he just tossed the book out of Thor’s lap and didn’t bring up the other reason why Thor had that frown on his face.

All this talk of adoption, it had to be bringing back questions he didn’t want answered about his own birth. “Stop thinking,” Loki said, “Balder can wait.”

Thor hummed in agreement, burrowing under the covers now his book had been taken from him. “You’re right. We should talk about other things anyway.”

“If you bring up children I may kick you out of this bed.”

“No,” he stroked Loki’s chin lightly, promising, “I won’t do that to you. I have children of my own who can take the throne, so don’t think about it.” He changed the subject before Loki could start wallowing in misery again. “I was actually talking about what we’re going to do about Jotunheim. While I know you want to kill your brother, that doesn’t change the fact that you can’t rule while you’re tied to Asgard. My father won’t allow it. Not after last time.”

Loki grumbled a little as he realised that Odin would indeed drag him back to Asgard if he tried to reclaim his title of king. He probably, would even take Jotunheim for himself, declare it under his rule like he did Vanaheim. No doubt war would soon follow, and Loki wouldn’t be there to help them this time.

Thor pursed his lips, struggling with his words before just outright suggesting, “There’s always Helblindi. You, trust him, right?”

“No.” Of course Loki didn’t. Helblindi, for all his talk, was still Loki’s blood, and their blood was treacherous by nature. Giving Helblindi the crown, while sounding good, didn’t change the fact that power had corrupted him once before and probably would again. “But,” Loki had to admit, “Maybe he’s better candidate than Byleistr. I don’t know, maybe we can make him regent until Hron comes of age. Something to limit him.” He waved his hand, casting the thought away for the night, “I’ll think of something when we take Jotunheim back.”

“Any thoughts about that?” Thor asked. “Because, I may have some suggestions if you’re struggling.”

Loki gave Thor a long look. Warrior as he was, Thor wasn’t much for tactics. He prefered going in and smashing stuff up to carefully executed plans. While Thor’s methods did work for him, Loki’s managed to help him gain and save a realm. But still, Loki was willing to listen, so he told Thor to have at it, and spent the rest of the night listening to Thor basically decimate Jotunheim one way or another.


	34. Chapter 34

He should have known, after that, Thor would get his friends involved. While it had just been him and Loki in Helheim, Loki didn’t fool himself into thinking it was out of Thor’s kindness for Loki’s situation. No, the only reason the others didn’t join them is simply because Thor didn’t have the time to rally them. But now, with time on their hands, Thor gladly invited his friends to their chambers the next night, swearing them all to secrecy as they started talks on invading and reclaiming Jotunheim.

“I don’t see why,” Sif said before they sat down. “We finally have peace with them, and if your father trusts Skrymir enough on the throne don’t you think we should too?”

The others were looking like they agreed with that too, if a little reluctantly. Loki didn’t know what had happened at the Bifrost when he sent the giants through but it was enough to fuel some hatred towards them. Enough that they didn’t hesitate to have a chance at revenge. Something Loki would have to nip in the bud before they got started, beginning with Sif. “Just because things seem alright does not make them so. Skrymir’s a patient man, and if we give him too long he’ll see to it we regret it.”

“You’re just saying that because he defeated you,” Sif said, a smirk lifting the edges of her mouth at the image.

“He’s saying that because Helblindi isn’t here for a reprieve,” Thor snapped, “Listen, my friends, if we are going to move forward in this I suggest you make your peace with Loki. I have, and I trust Loki enough to know that we can’t leave Skrymir king any longer. So if you can’t come to terms with either of those ideas then I hope you will keep your silence and see you tomorrow.” He held the door open to prove he wasn’t fooling around.

There was a stand off, Sif more than ready to walk out, only stayed because the others didn’t. Hogun was the first to speak up, “You destroyed half of Vanaheim.”

Which, obviously, Loki couldn’t deny. But he could defend his reason for it. “Frey was already dead by the time I got there,” Loki told them again, “They were rallying in the streets. That book, you gave Thor, they were using it to overthrow Asgard. A small rebellion, Odin will just put down. If they had went through with their actual plan, all of Vanaheim would have been destroyed.” They all knew this. They had heard the histories just as much as Loki had of what Odin was capable of, so Loki pressed on. “Look, I didn’t leave Jotunheim, I didn’t give them those books. If you want my opinion, I think Skrymir did. He’s used playing long games.” And there was nothing longer than sowing the seeds of rebellion. It would have been easy for him. Njord used to come to Vanaheim every now and then to see his son, he probably didn’t see the harm in bringing Skrymir too. He was older than Loki, how much so Loki didn’t know, but maybe old enough to hear the man raving about the failed raid. With his tutoring and intelligence he could have used the veils to slip into Midgard and either write for himself or steal a copy to give to the Vanir. He said himself he’d been waiting a long time for his plans to bear any fruit. “You don’t have to believe me,” Loki said in the end. “Nor do you have to forgive me. I’m more than willing to go to Jotunheim myself. It’s Thor that wants you to come with us.”

Hogun nodded, taking his seat. Volstagg too. Fandral and Sif were the only ones standing, Sif torn between doing what she wanted and missing out on a historical adventure. Fandral scrutinized Loki a moment longer. “You betray us,” He warned, “I’ll be the one swinging the axe, because I sure know he won’t.” He sat too.

The meetings started with Thor stealing old maps of Jotunheim’s terrain. He had Loki point out what had changed, what else might have changed again when they got the casket back. The terrain they didn’t really need to know about in full detail, just enough to find a meeting point should they be separated. Mostly they focused on the palace, Thor figuring, that because Skrymir had been around when Jotunheim was in its full glory during the war his nostalgia would have him rebuilding it back to that structure. With a few amenities.

They moved onto the guard, bringing in Helblindi, something Loki had wanted to do from the beginning but was swiftly outvoted by the others. Helblindi, for his part, was just glad they were finally taking action. He insisted on joining them, despite Loki pointing out someone had to watch his children. Helblindi didn’t care, his need for revenge outweighing his children’s wants for at least one parent in his life.

It took weeks of planning before Thor even decided they could start packing. Much longer than Loki expected, but considering they were disposing of a king, Loki figured they couldn’t be too careful with this.

Thor had three winter capes hanging out of his pack the night he went to go ask Odin for leave from Asgard. He’d told Loki he was going to propose it like a pilgrimage, Loki not getting a chance to bid farewell to Frey when the funeral rites had been performed. Loki was stuffing another one in Thor’s pack, folding the others much more carefully when Thor came back with the good news.

“He’s more amenable when we actually ask him,” Thor said, tossing some tunics Loki’s way. “We leave in the morning for Vanaheim. You’re going to bring Helblindi to us through the mirrors and then we’ll leave for Jotunheim.”

“I trust Heimdall is keeping his silence,” Loki presumed.

“He is pointedly not reading our lips,” Thor agreed.

They shoved Loki’s magic book from Freya on top to hide the warmer clothes Thor had, both of them standing there when they were done and taking a good look at their room. It wasn’t empty, far from it, but there was a sense of loss as there always was before embarking on a grand adventure. If things went according to plan, Loki would be seeing this place again, if not, well, he’d had a good run, and his death would ensure his hands were clean for the end of all worlds.

“I suppose I should thank you,” Loki said, “For coming along.”

“I’m waiting,” Thor teased.

“I said I should, not that I would.” He got a slight shove for that. “Really though, I… I’m grateful, for what you did for me. With Fenrir. I know I had to do it, but I don’t know whether I would have.”

“Loki,” Thor started before he could go off. “You don’t have to thank me for that. I know if that had been one of my children I wouldn’t be grateful no matter if it was in the goodness of the realm. So just,” He grabbed Loki gently around the neck, planting a gentle kiss on his brow. “Don’t say anything.”

Loki changed into his night clothes for the last time, remembering the soft sheets beneath his cheek as the candle was extinguished. There were a few moments of silent darkness when Loki thought Thor might let him drift off without a last lingering word. Alas, that was to only be a dream as the sheets shifted and Thor’s nose brushed against Loki’s own.

“I’ve been thinking,” Thor started. “For a while now actually. But, if this is successful. If we actually manage to stop Skrymir and come back to Asgard. Do you think, maybe, we could try?”

“Try-?” He was cut off when Thor kissed him. Not on the forehead like last time either. Or on the cheek as he’d liked to do in Jotunheim. This was on the lips and fully intentional as Thor lingered as long as he could.

He had to pull back eventually, obviously not afraid of Loki’s reaction as he kept close enough for Loki to feel his nose brush against his own once more. “You don’t have to say yes, I just thought since your brother might kill you I may as well ask.”

“Oh,” Loki found himself saying, still reeling quite a bit from that kiss. It had been, well, it had been far too long since he’d kissed anyone. Come to think of it he was sure Sigyn had been his last kiss, that night they celebrated Frey and Gerd’s marriage. Almost… well, long enough anyway.

Thor asking, “Well?” had Loki focusing once more.

“I…” The reason he hadn’t kissed anyone in so long he supposed was because he was too busy. But, no, that wasn’t right. Even when he was slowly taking over Jotunheim he had time to entertain Thor. If Loki had truly wanted to he could have went out and found someone, giant or otherwise. Yet he hadn’t. “How long have you been wanting this?”

Thor thought back saying, “About a few months after we first…” The pointed hand on Loki’s hip made that clear. So, Jotunheim then. “I thought it might be interesting, being with you. I’d forgotten so much about you and, I don’t know, I’ve kind of always liked people who were stronger than me.”

Loki felt his brow arch, “Have you seen my arms?”

“I didn’t mean it like that,” Thor said, “Although, you’re not exactly weak Loki. I’ve seen you throw Helblindi around when he bothers you too much. But what I meant with you was your mind. You’re a lot smarter than people think, and people think you’re plenty smart. I took it for granted when we were younger but in Jotunheim, with you carving out your path like that, it just…”

“Made you hard,” Loki finished, blocking the light slap Thor aimed his way.

“In a way,” He admitted after a moment. “And certainly at the beginning but, I guess around the time you left to deal with, er, Angrboda I suppose, I started thinking maybe if I asked we might not be completely miserable together.”

Loki hooked his leg over Thor’s hip, bringing them flush together as he tilted Thor onto his back. “Do you love me?” Loki asked.

He could feel Thor’s eyes never leaving Loki’s own as he murmured, “Yes,” That simple admission lingering between them.

“Are you in love with me?” Loki pressed, knowing there was a stark difference between the two. Loki loved Frigga after all, it didn’t mean he was in love with her.

There was bit more of a pause this time but Thor ultimately whispered, “I feel like I am.”

It made things all the harder for what was coming in these next few days because, “I’m not.”

He hadn’t been as in touch with what he’d been feeling towards Thor. In Jotunheim, he was suffering from Angrboda’s lingering touch, too distracted and prideful to admit his weakness and seek the help Thor would probably have willingly offered. When Jotunheim was behind him he was resentful. His feelings, while misplaced, while should have been directed to Odin and Frigga for what they had negotiated for him, had instead been lain onto Thor. He’d hated Thor for saying yes, for going along with it when Thor was just doing his duty. While feelings may have been present even Thor would have hated Loki back at that point. Their marriage hadn’t been born of love so why would Loki look for it. Yet it all came down to, “I think I could be though. If we’d had time,” because he didn’t hate Thor anymore.

He didn’t think he could ever truly hate him. Everything he’d been doing, ever since he was a child, had been for either himself or for Thor. He didn’t have to put up with the Warrior’s Three, but he’d done it because Thor wanted him to. He didn’t want to put up with Sif either and he’d spent years in her company. It was because of Thor’s absence that Loki had shied away from Asgard, and Thor again that he’d worried for more than his own safety when it came down to taking the casket back. He could have killed Thor, it had been a possibility. On Jotunheim, before releasing Thor from his chains, Loki could have taken his life. The Bifrost most certainly would have been opened in that case and no one had ever said it was a one way system. While Odin came down Loki’s forces could have gone up, yet Loki had went with the path that would cause the least bloodshed. For his people, yes, but also because Thor did hold a place in his heart. He always would.

It made him mad more times than grateful for the choices that weakness inspired in himself. Things could have been much different. Yet they weren’t, and here they were with Thor slowly tangling his fingers in Loki’s hair and whispering about what they would do when they came back to Asgard.

Oh the plans they made.

Then morning came.

They met Sif and the Warrior’s Three as scheduled on the Bifrost, Heimdall already eyeing them up, obviously knowing their true purpose for travel wasn’t in Vanaheim. Yet he let them pass, the Bifrost opening up and dropping them where they needed. Even getting Helblindi to Vanaheim went as scheduled, the mirror and Helblindi’s rooms showing no resistance from any untoward forces.

If Loki were honest he found the ease in which they conducted their whole adventure terrifying. They got to Jotunheim, Utgard and the palace without anyone stopping them. The Warrior’s fanned out, Thor taking Volstagg to the new head of the army’s quatres to deal with him, their plan of using him to turn the guards eyes away successful. As a result of that, Helblindi was able to find Byleistr and Farbauti without fear of being caught and executed, Sif and Fandral going with him to make sure they didn’t run, and Loki? Loki ended up in Skrymir’s room in what felt like a blink, the knife in his hand poised to strike.

So what was stopping him?

Perhaps it was the feeling that he’d fallen into some other trap. Perhaps it was the weight of the dagger not feeling quite right, too impersonal for the grief Skrymir had imposed on him. Perhaps it was the fact everything had went off without a hitch and Loki was so used to resistance that he couldn’t believe everything had gone right.

Or, perhaps it was the fact that Skrymir wasn’t even trying to fight Loki off his chest.

His brother just lay there, looking at him, a stupid smile on his face and an easy acceptance in his body.

Loki lowered the knife, “Let me guess, you’ve been expecting me.”

“Not at all,” Skrymir rumbled, “In fact, this is rather a surprise. Does Odin know you’re here?”

“No,” Loki said. “Why? Why so concerned with Odin knowing? Because of your accord? You should know, I killed Fenrir, so whatever plans you have are going to be executed long after your demise.”

Skrymir’s face fell, finally showing some spirit as he tossed Loki off with a “You idiot!”

“And there was me thinking I would have to force you to fight. What’s wrong? Upset that I’ve outsmarted you? Or are you finally realising that you were never going to win? This game you were playing, the fates were never going to allow you to come out on top. Haven’t you realised that by now? They don’t care about you. If they did, you wouldn’t have ended up in Alfheim.”

Skrymir was seething, there was no other word for it. He was spitting as he muttered to himself, obviously forgetting Loki was there, and had a knife until Loki flung the thing his way, the tip imbedding itself into Skrymir’s chest. It didn’t do too much damage, a fling like that against a frost giant’s skin was barely worth noting. Yet it was enough to have Skrymir flinging it right back at Loki before he lunged himself.

It was again, so easy, too easy, to find Skrymir with his head caved in like Fenrir. Loki’s hands stabbing again and again until he found himself restrained. This was all so wrong. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. But then, reality never flowed like dreams did. In dreams and imaginings Loki could imagine an epic battle between the two of them, a fight that would level half of Jotunheim. But the reality was that neither of them had thought to use their magic, and Skrymir, giant as he was, hadn’t grown up fighting like Loki. He’d been the ‘son’ of an ambassador, one who lived in luxury without knowing what it was to truly want something in his life. He’d planned, sure, but he’d never been desperate like Loki had. He’d felt hate, but not the drive to do whatever it took to keep living, and that was why Skrymir’s arrogance, just like Helblindi’s beforehand, ended up with him losing. Quite pitifully at that.

Thor’s face came into focus, drowning out Skrymir’s prone body. “Your brother,” Thor said, the words finally getting through to Loki.

“He’s dead,” Loki panted.

“Not that one.”

They took off through the halls until they came to where the rest of Loki’s invading party were stood. Before them was a scene carved out from a nightmare. While Loki had been expecting Byleistr’s traitorous body he hadn’t been Helblindi’s.

Sif was still standing over him, her blade wet with his blood whilst the others kept Farbauti back with almost shock on their faces.

“What is the meaning of this?” Loki garbled, not sure he had spoke as he saw the last of his true kin dead before him. “This wasn’t what we planned?” He looked to Thor, finding him just as distraught as Loki himself.

He didn’t know, Loki consoled himself with. Not that it helped.

Sif sniffed once at the fallen giant, nodding to the others as an afterthought to say, “Do what Loki wills with him. I’ll meet you all at the Bifrost site.” Then left, her blade pointed out in case Loki tried to do something stupid as she left. Like kill her.

“Loki I swear-” Fandral started, cut off by a wounded noise Farbauti’s way.

He wasn’t injured. Just realising what exactly this meant for him, fatherless at last and like Loki alone now in this world. It gave Loki the courage to step forward, away from the bodies and around to Volstagg, his body promising the biggest shield should Farbauti charge their way. “You really chose him over me?” The him didn’t need clarifying, Skrymir, or Loki, whoever he was, had always been Farbauti’s priority. Even over Loki’s brothers, Farbauti’s other sons. “Over all of us? He must have promised something grand for you to abandon your family. Even if he was your son.”

Farbauti didn’t even look Loki’s way, just muttered, “Kill me and be done with it runt. I tire of this game.”

Volstagg was ready. As were the others. Farbauti was just as much a hindrance as Skrymir. He had done nothing but bring Jotunheim to ruin, and should Loki wish it, he could have ended that, retaken his rightful place, damn Odin, and be done with it. But something stayed his hand.

“Let him live,” Loki said, knowing better than to tell them to lower their weapons, all it would take was an opening and any one of them could end up skewered on an ice blade. “You wanted power so badly you have it. By right as Laufey’s remaining heir and king of Jotunheim I name you regent in my stead. We’re burning Skrymir’s plans and the guards will answer only to me but the rest of the duties as king will fall down to you. Let your loneliness see the rewards it has reaped and turn your thoughts to that of madness. I’m done with you, sire or not.”

They backed out carefully, Loki doing just as he said he would as he rallied the guards and had them set up a watch of sorts that would given reports to Loki on Farbauti’s activity. They were instructed never to listen to his demands, but to keep him alive should danger come. After that, with the council able to organise the funerals, they went to Skrymir’s chambers, scouring it until they found every last incriminating piece of fiction he’d bestowed upon the mortals and burned it at the edge of Utgard.

The people came out to see the bonfire, bowing when they witnessed Loki at its head, throwing more and more fuel in until it could be seen from even the palace. Small as he was, Loki had managed to take Jotunheim for himself twice now, and while Loki’s family may have had their doubts about his divine being the people didn’t have cause to. To them, he was a returning spectre, wreaking his revenge on those who had tried to usurp him.

A God.

Just like Skrymir had written it.

They stayed until morning when the bonfire burned down to snow once more, and trudged their tired feet along to their meeting point. Sif was already waiting, scowling at their approach, her nose red and cloak doing a poor job of keeping her warm as Loki purposefully slowed down.

The Bifrost whisked them away, and as soon as they landed Loki probably should have asked more about why they were using the Bifrost to get back when they came up with a long convoluted scheme to get away in the first place. Especially since it had been Sif herself that had promised she would get Heimdall to keep his mouth shut about their excursion.

Loki was thinking all of those things as his nephews ran into his gut, Sif striding ahead to where Odin stood to say, “It’s done.”

“Very good.” Before Loki knew it some signal had been given and Loki’s nephews were with him no more.

Instead, they were whisked back through the Bifrost, Heimdall keeping a firm grip on Loki to stop him from following after them.

The Einherjar took the warrior’s individually. All except Sif who walked herself to the palace. Loki had long since gone numb to even fight anymore, sure more than ever now that if he did, he would be struck down. His self preservation was alert enough to keep him still, but not enough for him to make things easy on the warrior’s escorting him. They ended up basically carrying him through the front doors, dragging him up flights of stairs, past the chambers Loki had called his own and to where Frigga was waiting in Odin’s study.

She had no words for her husband still following Sif, and instead gave both Thor and Loki a slap that still rang in his ears as she hugged them close to her. “I’m so sorry,” She said, pulling back only when the warrior’s made her. “I’ve tried to talk to him, but, this is for the best.”

Her tone had Thor appealing, “What? Mother what?” Fighting against his guard once more to try and get more out of her, “What’s for the best?” He turned to his father, “You can’t kill him. Father I was the one who persuaded Loki to go after his brother. I know we disobeyed you but it’s I who should be punished, not him.”

“You’re fighting a losing battle Thor,” Loki said. “This was always going to happen. The difference is I can die knowing I made everyone as miserable as they made me.”

Dying, it seemed, hadn’t even crossed Thor’s mind, the warrior’s having to fight even harder now, and eventually taking Thor and the others out at Odin’s command. Sif was the last to go, pulling something carefully out her pack that made Loki’s blood sing and Odin give a gracious nod to. Then she was gone, one foul look Loki’s way and out the door.

The Einherjar forced Loki into a chair rather than on his knees, leaving too at a sign from Odin. “I would speak to him alone. He will have questions.” Which never boded well for anyone.

Only when the footsteps outside did Odin finally turn to see Loki, sitting down in his chair opposite. Loki avoided his eye.

“How is it going to happen?” He asked.

“You’re not going to die Loki. If I’d wanted that I would have gotten rid of you the moment you first came into my palace.” Something told Loki he didn’t mean when Frigga had found him in the healing houses either. He meant when his errant warrior’s first found him on Midgard.

“So why am I here? I’ve upset the peace again, I’ve negated the treaty you had with Jotunheim. You have no need of me.”

“On the contrary Loki,” Odin argued, “I have great need of you. Which is why I wish to talk with you now. I feel it’s long overdue, don’t you?” He unearthed his old magic book from underneath a few official looking documents, the pages already calling out to Loki just as the casket was a few feet away. “Your brother and I, we came to an agreement, do you know why?”

“No,” Loki bit out, because he didn’t.

As much as Loki would have liked to think that, at the time of the negotiations, Odin was blind to Loki’s actions, that wouldn’t be true. Thor would have told Odin long before Skrymir even came to the negotiation table what had happened. Heimdall too. He didn’t need to see Loki in order to see what happened around him, and after Loki had revealed himself in the hostage negotiations in Jotunheim there was literally no question to both his identity and his actions. Therefore, Loki didn’t know why he was still here, why Odin had even talked to Skrymir instead of attacking Jotunheim while it was still weak and ridding himself not only of the casket but the realm that had plagued him for centuries.

Odin fingered the book in front of him, “I travelled far when I collected these spells. I went to the roots of Yggdrasil itself and saw things that even you would think were myths until you saw them. I’ve seen worlds, and futures, pasts and presents. I’m old Loki, so did you really think I didn’t know what was going on in my own palace?”

It took a moment for Loki to catch on, “Fenrir?” he mumbled.

“Jormungandr,” Odin nodded, “And even Hela. Ragnarok must come at one point Loki, whether we like it or not. It is a cycle, and I’m afraid your brother was rather careless when he told you as such.” He flipped open the books pages, not even looking at them until he stopped, his hand coming up to cradle his head once more. “I had hoped, as Skrymir promised, that your presence here would let things progress as they should. Alas, even I now see the error of my ways.”

“What are you going to do to me?” Loki whispered, sensing something bad was coming.

“Loki,” Odin said, kindly, like he was trying to soothe Loki instead of scaring him witless. “You’re a smart boy, you know as well as I do what knowledge can be. It can help or hinder, and in your case I would think the latter. You must know I only seek to correct that. I promise you, as I’ve promised Frigga, that you will be well here. Your welcome still stands, in fact, you may find yourself much improved. However that doesn’t change the fact that I am sorry.”

The tone, the emptiness of the room and the fact that Loki glanced at the page in front Odin had him fleeing from his chair to try the door.

Knowledge was a dangerous thing. It could stop someone acting in a certain way, in fact, it had stopped Loki from continuing down his speedy path to the end of all worlds. At least, temporarily. While things would certainly stay delayed for a while if Loki still possessed the knowledge he did he could delay that further. He could find ways to correct the triggers. He could befriend Balder. Run and hide so he wouldn’t find himself chained. He could find Jormungandr and remove him from Midgard. He could do so much which was why Odin was changing it.

The door was locked, and even with Loki’s magic the guards on the other side stopped all attempts from him to escape. Not that they needed to. The magic Odin intended to use was widespread. It could affect the whole realm if Odin so wished, and he did. That was why Frigga had been sorry, why Odin was. Why Thor had been taken away so he wouldn’t try and help Loki out of Asgard.

They were going to destroy him. What made him himself anyway. Take his memories and implant new ones. He would no longer be the Jotun from Midgard. The God that had saved Jotunheim- they didn’t even have the casket anymore! He would just be Loki. Whatever Loki Odin needed, and come morning not even the guards that had pinned Loki down and bore his screams would know different.

Loki died.

 


	35. Chapter 35

“I must offer you congratulations,” Loki said, keeping his smile in place as he started the toasts off.

Thor waved them all away, Sif and the Warrior’s Three toasting anyway as Thor took his boots off and hung up his cape. “Honestly my friends, I’m not sure whether I’m as pleased as you.”

“Nonsense,” Fandral scoffed. “You were born to be king, and now you will be. All that will change is a few added chains of responsibility.”

“As well as security,” Loki tacked on, “And politics, feasting, council meetings, honestly brother I’m expecting you to be at least the size of Volstagg come next year.”

Thor shoved him for that. He took Loki’s wine too, settling in next to him as he downed the rest of it. “You’re right,” He eventually said, and of course not to Loki. With a grin Fandral’s way he cheered, “All that will truly change is now I can finally do as I please without mother giving me that disapproving look.”

“So you think,” Loki muttered, knowing mother would continue to give them even if Thor were Odin himself. Nothing stopped her from disapproving, especially not a flimsy title.

They spent the rest of the night wondering what it would be like with one of their own on the throne. Well, the others did. Loki himself was too busy wondering how Odin could have been so stupid to give Thor the throne to truly see the benefits of this situation.

Naturally, the others didn’t see Thor’s faults like Loki did. They didn’t see his arrogance could sometimes take over for his brain. To them, when Thor picked a fight, he was labeled brave and a great warrior. They didn’t stop to question whether the fight itself was due to some trifle misunderstanding because to them Thor could do no wrong. It was sickening, and it would end up getting Thor killed one day, that Loki was sure of.

Well, maybe not killed… banished on the other hand, was certainly a possibility.

“You’ll have to marry,” Sif piped up, her tone discouraging despite the hope in her eyes.

Why Thor hadn’t bedded her and be done with it Loki didn’t know. Nor did he truly understand just why he hated her so. There was nothing he could remember to bring up this feeling of hate when it surfaced. No wrong in their shared childhood that had made her his enemy. Just that tingle in his gut whenever he saw her. It wasn’t like he was alone either since Sif wasted no time showing just how much she hated him back.

“You know my father won’t let me marry,” Thor said, something else that remained unexplained.

“You would think he would,” Fandral mused. “Especially with all those women he parades about you.”

Thor shrugged, “Apparently he wishes Asgard to remain unallied come my crowning.”

“Not that it matters,” Sif pointed out, “Come you being king you can just marry who you like. It’s not like Odin can take his crown back.”

So it continued until Loki grew so bored he begged an early night, wishing his friends their safe journeys home.

After the day he’d had, having to listen to Odin carefully tell Thor in a completely not secure room that he was to be king, and waiting for his brother to slither back to his chambers with a half cocked celebratory party, Loki thought he was entitled to a bit of a sulk. Casting his armour off, he fell back to the pillows and tried to drown out the merrymaking a few doors away.

Loki woke to arms around him, keeping him captive to a chest that was always far too hot against Loki’s back. Thor had bathed, at least, and since he wasn’t snoring Loki felt safe saying, “Congratulations, again.”

There was a soft laugh against his neck, “You don’t really mean that.”

Loki sighed. He’d always known Thor was the favourite. The problem was that he’d deluded himself into thinking he might have been making it up. It turned out that wasn’t the case after all. “I do,” he tried. “You’ll make a great king.”

There was a groan, more felt than heard as Thor curled up tighter behind him, “I don’t want to talk about that.”

Loki knew how this went. He would ask what would Thor want to talk about, they would wrestle, Loki letting Thor win obviously to soothe his brother’s pride and then they would either be interrupted for breakfast with their parents or something else would happen. Last time it had been an invitation for a quest that almost saw Loki eaten by a dragon. So he played it safe this time and started with, “I saw those twins again. The ones that look like you. Very handsome. Not as arrogant either.”

There was another displeased groan. “They’re five hundred years younger than you Loki, don’t even think about it.”

Loki laughed, pointedly not giving Thor an answer to that. It had the desired effect of Thor nudging him until he was almost hanging off the bed. “This is my room,” Loki hissed, clinging on for dear life.

“And I’m going to be king,” Thor said with one last shove, grinning triumphantly from above.

“Oh so that’s how it’s going to be then?” Loki asked, a bit more malice than intended slipping into his voice.

Thor’s face fell, his mouth floundering as he fought to fix his jest. Whatever the case the pause gave Loki the opportunity to be the one to pounce this time, playing a bit rougher than usual, perhaps, but enjoying the physical exertion anyway. Especially since he didn’t let Thor win this time, pinning his massive brother to the bed.

“Look at you,” Loki gloated, “Fifteen hundred and already losing your strength.”

Thor pouted, freeing one hand to hook it under Loki’s thigh, “Who says I didn’t let you win this time Loki?”

“Becau-”

Thor’s hand went right between Loki’s legs, unseating him slightly so he could get to Loki’s hole. It didn’t take long for those rough fingers to coerce pleasure enough to slip inside with ease, Thor grinning once more as Loki shifted to better get those fingers inside him.

The stretch was good, but not enough for what Loki was used to. “I suppose this will have to stop,” Loki sighed, lifting off them altogether to raise his sleep shirt over his head. He was thankful he’d never had the want to wear breeches to bed as Thor grabbed his hips and started grinding Loki down, Thor’s clothed cock catching Loki’s slick hole on every other slide.

“Why?” Thor huffed, pulling Loki up to push his breeches down. The next glide letting Thor slip in, Loki’s walls clenching with every added inch until he was happily speared.

“Why?” Loki repeated. “Thor I know kingship allows a lot of things but even Asgard would balk at the idea of you bedding your brother. No,” Loki sighed again, savouring the impatient thrusts up, “You’d best do what Sif says and marry a nice girl before Father changes his mind and marries you to a troll. Maybe even Sif herself. I know she of all people wouldn’t object to your appearance. Nor your appetite.” He seated himself firmly the next time Thor slid half out, using his little used strength to keep his brother’s hips in place.

As retaliation, Thor sat up, hooking his arms under Loki’s and settling at his nape as he planted stupid, tender kisses along his jaw. The position wasn’t too uncomfortable, not for Loki anyway. For Thor, who couldn’t exactly slide in with the ease he had before, already almost out and would be until he shifted, it might have been a little torturous. “You hate Sif,” Thor said, sneaking a quick kiss to Loki’s lips, “You’d hate her for a sister.”

“That’s not a no to the nice girl.” Nor did he hear Thor object too loudly last night as Fandral and Sif talked about the subject.

Thor lingered this time as he kissed him, letting Loki bite his lip without retaliation. It was a small price for Loki’s silence and Thor knew it. “What do you expect me to say? That I hold you above all others? You know I do. As for the nice girl… I have an argument but you always object when I talk about father while I’m inside you.”

Thor was already laughing as Loki twisted his face, shifting them slightly away once more so Thor could do as he pleased. “You know,” Loki said, bracing himself on the sheets before trying again, “You know that I love you, don’t you?”

“Of course,” because Loki’s love had never been brought into question. If it had Thor certainly wouldn’t have let Loki be the one inside of him a few nights back. Nor would he continuously pester Loki for his company. Still, it was nice being reassured that Thor didn’t take Loki’s feelings for granted. Even nicer when Thor said, “I love you too. What’s this about?”

“Just, making sure,” Loki shrugged, the motion hurting his neck as Thor braced and spilled inside of him. Loki let himself fall flat, Thor quickly coming up to take Loki’s cock in his mouth. Loki moved Thor’s hair for him. “One of these days I’m going to have to teach you to last longer than a second. What’s your nice girl going to think? Also,” he give a swift kick to some part of Thor’s body, “If I get with child I’m murdering you.”

Thor popped off, finishing Loki with his hand, “If you don’t want me to finish inside you then don’t conjure a lovely place for me to spill. Also,” he gave a swift tug, “We both know I last plenty long enough. So shut up and be nice to me.”

Loki should really tell him one of these days that he didn’t just conjure a cunt for Thor to enjoy when he was in the mood. But, he was too busy trying to snap back to get the words out right now. “Can’t do-” both Loki tried to say, his release catching him quickly and Thor falling on top of him even quicker.

Loki hated the cuddling with a passion after he’d cum, mainly because Thor liked to prod at him under the assumption of cuddling.

“You’ll be there won’t you?” Thor asked.

“The coronation?” Loki clarified, waiting for Thor’s nod. “Of course.” And if Loki was starting to reconsider thwarting it before, Thor made him all the more certain as he pulled Loki close.

Far too close to that heat he called a body, and said, “Good. I’d hate for you to miss my first proclamation. I’m going to make Asgard great again. Starting with finally ridding the realms of those giants.”

Ergo, Thor was going to declare war. It was all he had talked about since they were children, and it was going to get him and Asgard destroyed.

Loki started making plans to slip into Jotunheim. He was sure the frost giants, monstrous as they were, would lend an ear to an enemy of Asgard. Especially if the casket was their reward.

Thor would see. This was for the best. He wasn’t ready to be king.

Maybe he never would be.

** End of Part 1 **


	36. Part 2 Ragnarok

**PART 2**

Ragnarok was a cycle. 

It wasn’t a death of everything. Just a beginning of what was coming next. Loki knew now that Ragnarok didn’t necessarily need to follow what had been written years ago. After all, when fire and brimstone was raining down on Asgard there was no Frey there to do battle with Sutur. There had been no Frey at all. 

When he was younger Loki had asked where this mysterious Frey had come from. Surely his mother, a Vanir herself, would know about this heroic warrior that would fight the mightiest of fire demons at the end of all things. 

Yet Frigga had not. She, like Loki, had found that tale a strange one, and for a full year the two of them took any opportunity they could to try and find anything relating to this Frey. They searched the library. Odin’s secret library too. They went to Vanaheim itself and asked around for anything bearing the name of Frey. 

Alas there were none, for although Freyja was popular among the Vanir people, the name Frey was not. The most Loki ever found of this elusive hero was a book with his moniker written on the title page. A clue perhaps. Or just another dead end after one girl or another gave up on writing her name after the first four letters- Loki had been surprised just how often that actually happened.

The point was that Frey did not exist. Nor did he burst from the flames now to hold Sutur back. Loki kind of wished he would however, as he ran through the streets himself dodging more crumbling buildings and those spike things Hela rained down like, well, rain.

Disappointment held all the way to the rainbow bridge. Even more so when Loki spied the ship leaving without him. He had half a mind to kill Thor for leaving him. But, well, if their situations were reversed… no, he would wait. That was all Loki seemed to do for him, save his damn life, and what did he get for it? Stuck on this crumbling dying realm with his adopted sister and a big wolf. 

It was a split decision, watching the ship float further and further out of reach that had Loki running back towards the palace. He wasn’t going to be left here. He refused to be, and if Thor wasn’t going to come back for him then Loki was going to find a way up there himself. 

Luckily for him he knew just the thing that could help him do so.

Getting to the palace was a challenge. Mostly because there was barely any palace to get back to. Loki just prayed Sutur had left some rooms left standing as he dodged another spike Hela was flinging almost everywhere now.

Scaling rubble wasn’t something Loki wanted to do again anytime soon, but he had to admit it was at least cleaner than Sakkar as he hoisted his leg over the top of his fallen statue. Three more ducks and he was sliding across the other side, the stairs leading up to the palace still intact enough to climb. A good sign he told himself. 

What wasn’t was the “Help!” he heard to his right. 

Hesitation wasn’t something Loki could afford if he wanted to make the ship before it left Asgard’s boundaries, yet there he was, hoping against hope that he had been mistaken. That Thor hadn’t left someone behind.

Then it came again, one solitary, “Help!” piercing the chaos, and if that wasn’t enough the “Prince Loki please!” did it for him.

“Damn it.” He turned tail and ran to where he thought the voice came.

Whoever they were they helped him, calling directions if Loki circled too far or had to jump over a new fallen building put in his way. Eventually he got to them, and Loki meant them when he saw the twins he’d spied more than once at the docks.

“What are you still doing here?” He screeched, even as he started digging. 

The answer was rhetorical, since Loki could see well enough that, “Modi got stuck. I couldn’t leave him, and no one was around to help.”

Stuck was a nice way of putting the situation Modi had found himself in. There was a whole wall on top of the poor boy. A wall and then some. Modi’s brother had done a good job of getting some of it off, but not enough that Modi could probably breathe, trapped as he was.

“Is he still alive?” Loki asked, knowing that while once upon a time he might have left both of them there so he could survive, it was too late now for all of them. The tesseract was lost. It had to be. Which meant they were all playing a waiting game now of what would kill them. Loki hoped Hela, personally. He wasn’t too fond of the idea of burning to death.

Nevertheless before that happened he was going to put up a good fight and… he supposed he was going to do some good. 

At least this way he might be able to see his mother when death claimed him.

So he barked at the boy again until- Magni- said that yes, Modi was alive, just knocked out. That was, good, Loki supposed. It certainly meant Loki wasn’t spending the last few minutes of his life digging out a corpse.

“Grab his arms. I’m going to move the rubble with my magic. As soon as there’s a gap you pull him through and start moving towards the hills.”

Magni nodded, grabbing what he could of his brother. 

Loki spared a quick prayer that this little section of Asgard could be spared a few seconds longer as he started lifting the heavy stones as far up as he could without toppling the rest of the buildings some were still attached to. Magni, smart boy that he was, did as Loki asked, and did it quickly. No thought was spared to his brother’s state of body. There was no need to if they were all going to die anyway. The point of this wasn’t to live. It was to at least live long enough to say goodbye.

Using his magic more than he would have liked, Loki did his best to shield the two brothers and himself as he ran to the hills that lived outside the city walls. The two of them had been here recently, knowing the route to take that would lead them quickly up to the caves that lived at the top. Modi woke at some point, his legs almost crushed, but since Magni showed no sign of tiring and Modi was the only one of them with time enough to use his mind he was the one that eventually got them to the right cave Heimdall had led the last of their people before Loki arrived with the ship.

“Will we be safe up here?” Magni asked, setting his brother down by the stream.

“Probably not,” Loki said, never one for mincing the truth. Not if it worked to his advantage. This time however he was just too tired to lie. 

He checked the other entrances to the cave, watching Hela and Sutur a while before figuring they were a good hour away from destroying this part of Asgard to return back to the other two.

“Let me see your legs then,” Loki sighed, kneeling on the hard stone. 

They didn’t look good. If Modi had been left a few more hours he would have needed both of them amputated. Luckily, Loki found him, which meant a few minutes repairing the muscles and nerve endings to the brain meant he would be fighting fit in no time.

“Thank you,” Modi said quietly when Loki finished. He lifted his leg slightly, as if waiting to be told off. Loki just shoved the thing out the way, as good a sign as any that they were in fact okay to use now. 

“We mean it,” Magni chimed in. “Thank you. I know you didn’t have to come back for us. Prince Thor didn’t even… didn’t even hear us.”

Somehow Loki got the feeling Magni didn’t mean turning away from the palace. He thought Loki had jumped ship just for them. That he had let the others leave in favour of coming back for the two of them. He must have run past them on his way here, Loki figured, it was the only thing he could think of for why Magni would imagine Loki would care, or even know, enough to come back for them.

Clearing his throat, he didn’t tell any of them this. Why would he? He wasn’t going to make them feel even worse in their last hour. So instead he just mumbled a “You’re welcome,” And went to scour the cave again.

There wasn’t much left here. No meat, so no last meal. No blankets, which meant death on a rock. The only thing they had was water, and for the life of him Loki couldn’t think how that was a good thing. It wasn’t like there was enough to put Sutur out. Even if there were Loki still would have to contend with Hela.

Kicking his boots off, Loki dipped a toe in the spring. When it didn’t burn his precious frost giant toes off he stripped off the rest of his clothes, washing the sweat and grime of being zapped and forced through a wormhole off his skin. His hair got the worst of it, and ordinarily Loki would long for that shorter look he’d sported for the last three hundred years. But without his oils the curls would be torture, so he made do with trying to detangle what he could and forced himself not to listen in on the hushed conversation a few feet away.

The end of the world was definitely the worst. Since while they probably had less than forty minutes left to live, the twenty minutes that had passed felt like days themselves. He was growing restless. So much so that he pulled more than a few hairs out of his head on his next comb through and ended up pouting on the water's edge, watching the two boys he’d really been trying not to think too closely about. Namely because doing so reminded him of Thor.

“That’s it,” He sighed, his voice carrying over to the twins, “Fancy a threesome?”

The pair of them blinked back at him. In sync too. There was a reason Loki was always suspicious of twins. “Is that… er,” One of them struggled with.

“The world is ending,” Loki ticked off. “I’m bored, and quite frankly there’s nothing else to do. So if either of you wants to wet your dick before we all inevitably either burn or are impaled I suggest you speak now.”

They looked at eachother. Whatever secret language they had, barely took seconds to pass between them as at once one of them turned away while the other shrugged and made his way over.

Magni, since of course it would be Magni, dithered about next to the spring, his eyes flitting over what he could see of Loki one moment and then looking anywhere else the next. It was starting to grate on Loki’s conscience. Most notably because Magni was probably only agreeing to this now Loki had helped his brother. 

He really felt bad now. Besides, up close Loki didn’t think he would have been able to through with it anyway. “It was just as suggestion,” Loki said, waving the boy off, “Go enjoy the sunset.”

“No,” Magni rushed, “I mean, it’s our last day.” He swallowed so loudly Loki could hear it, “You’re very handsome?”

“You’re effort is endearing,” Loki said, “But it’s fine. You don’t owe me anything, and I like my partners to be enthusiastic more than indebted when they enter my bed.” Not to mention as far from looking like his brother as possible. There was only one person Loki wanted looking at him with that face and that was Thor. This boy, it just wouldn’t be right, no matter how much Loki wanted to pretend he hadn’t been abandoned here, waiting to die.

He pushed Magni away when the boy needed more prompting, spending the rest of however many minutes he had left untangling the rest of his hair. 

When he’d finished with that and still found himself breathing, Loki pulled on his breeches and went to sit at the cave lip with the twins. 

There wasn’t much left now. The palace was gone. Completely gone. As were some of the trees starting into the forest. The city that had once been seen from even the Valkyries mountain was nothing but fire now, a great stream of lava that got larger and larger as Sutur seemed to melt into the earth.

Hela had won then. She would be the one coming for them.

A grim thought indeed.

Speaking of grim, it reminded him of Hogun. Loki hadn’t seen him among the Asgardian mass pushing past him to the ship. He was rather afraid to ask the two next to him what had become of the man. Of the rest of them even. Volstagg. Fandral. Sif, at least, was alive. She was on Midgard where Loki knew she wouldn’t be able to watch him. Her and Heimdall had been the first two people to go. 

“Did your mother make it?” Loki asked, thoughts straying to his own as Sutur finally found his peace. “On the ship?”

He didn’t have to look to know the boys were sharing a look. “Didn’t know her,” Modi eventually said. “She died when we were young. Barely twenty.”

“My apologies,” That meant their father would have been the one to raise them. Loki hoped he was better than Odin at it. 

“It’s strange,” Magni tacked on, “We thought for sure without her we would be on the streets-”

“You didn’t know your father?”

They both shook their head. Odd. Asgardians had always made it a point to claim their children. They may not marry their mothers but, Aesir men were nothing if not proud of their fertility. 

Magni went on before Loki could ask more about it, saying, “But your father put us in a home with a bunch of other children. Apparently they too had lost their mothers.”

“There were five of us,” Modi grinned. “One girl, four of us.”

“I bet you tormented her,” Loki guessed.

Magni held his hands up, “Not at all.”

“Loved the bones off her,” Modi said. He nodded up, “She made the ship.”

“Ullr and Magnus too.”

“So that’s some good news then,” Loki said.

The question of why Odin would set up a home for these people probably would have tormented Loki on any other day. Now, he couldn’t find the strength to care. Odin was gone. What good did it do trying to figure out what else he’d messed up in the nine realms? It wasn’t like Loki could do anything about it.

The sun set, and with it the last of the golden walls of Asgard. They watched it fall together, the way the gold melted and sank beneath the heavy lava.

Magni, after all the excitement he’d went through, fell asleep as soon as night hit the sky. His snores reminded Loki of Thor, and with the hair just as blonde and soft under Loki’s fingers he could just imagine that this was his brother here with him. That they were on some adventure in the caves. Maybe reconciling after all the chaos the last few years have wrought them.

Modi on the other hand, well, he was a bit like Loki. He’d been knocked out already, he’d faced death and, like Loki, he wasn’t greeting it again with his eyes closed. Sleep did its best to entice the boy, but the hours went on and still Modi remained sitting, awake with Loki.

“Can you really not do anything?” Modi asked when the moon made her appearance. “They say you have magic maybe even more powerful than Queen Frigga’s had been. Can you not stop Hela?”

Loki shook his head. “She’s death. Anything my powers could do is nothing to her. And now she has Asgard…” The magic that ran beneath the surface answered to her now, no matter what Thor or Loki wished.

“What about escape?” Modi pressed. “You managed to leave Asgard before without a Bifrost.”

Which was true. “There are ways.” The question was how close Hela was to them. Also how far these boys would trust him. “However, I don’t know if these ways are still standing. They’re extremely frail, and ordinarily I would steal a boat to sail through them. But without a boat…” There was no way to sail, and without being able to sail there was no way through.

Around about now Loki wished he’d pressured his mother into telling him more about the magic Odin contained in his precious book. The old one he’d written before even Asgard’s golden walls were built. He knew in there a spell probably lay that would have been able to get him out of Asgard. But his mother kept putting him off, then he fell and now, well, it was too late. There wasn’t even an Odin to interrogate. Or a library to ransack.

Modi was silent beside him, eyes roving over what Loki didn’t have to look to see. Trees. Mountains. All of which would be gone come morning. Except, Modi didn’t see what Loki did. In an eager lean to see further down his eyes snapped over to Loki’s a hint of reserved excitement gleaming in his very skin as he said, “What about a raft?”

“A raft?” Loki sniffed, then thought about it properly. A raft? A raft! Oh he was getting slow in his old age. Not that fifteen hundred was old. Far from it. 

But now wasn’t the time to think about his youth. A raft. It was a plan. A real plan, and for the first time since turning towards the palace he had hope again. 

He woke Magni with a few flurried slaps, feet jittery as he scoured what he could from this height for what they would need. “Get up, get up! Your brother is a genius, and we need to move before Hela discovers we’re here.”

The trees would alert Hela to their presence, which meant they would have to work fast. If Fenris wasn’t dead he would sniff them out first. Luckily, desperation made quick workers of even the slowest of trolls so they had enough of a head start before the first rustling of trees caught their ears.

They worked until a twig snapped far too close to comfort. The vines the twins were wrapping around the logs stayed in their hands, all of them knowing something had to distract the wolf.

“Stay here,” Loki decided. He was the oldest. Not to mention still their prince, and while he wasn’t the self sacrificing type he knew he had a duty to what remained of his people. 

“No,” Modi still tried, poor thing, “You’re the only one who knows how to get out of here-”

“And the only one with the means to evade a wolf. Stay here, keep working. I’ll be back as soon as I can,” he ordered, and made off before one of them could do it before him.

He shifted, having the sense of mind to know it was easier to negotiate when two people spoke the same language. His own wolf form was smaller, tiny, really, in comparison to Fenrir, but it was also faster than his own two feet, and Loki made use of it, cornering the larger wolf before he could sniff out the twins.

So large, Loki thought as he gazed at those eyes. Intelligent too. There was something in there, some kind of instinct Loki felt that told him Fenrir would understand him even if Loki stood in his ordinary form.

He tried the usual, as he did when he met a feral animal, in the hopes that something would work. He went on his back, exposed his throat and made himself as small a target as he could. He knew it wouldn’t work, since with a snap of his teeth Loki’s subjugation was shown for the sham it was. He wasn’t really going to submit, he didn’t fit that part in the pack hierarchy when he played wolf. Never had. 

Fenrir snapped again, looking annoyed more than angry at Loki. Annoyed was good. Loki could work with annoyed. 

What he couldn’t work with was the faster than thought dive Fenrir made, and instead of death snapping Loki’s neck a cold nose touched his own, darting back before anything more than a brief pressure could be felt.

He heard himself whine. Fenrir whined back, Loki getting the sense he wasn’t the only one confused here. Fenrir bopped forwards again, still not attacking Loki outright, and that alone was one of the reasons Loki ended up bringing Fenrir back to the twins. The other reason, Loki couldn’t explain it other than the fact he smelled a bit like Loki. 

Not like Loki exactly, like it was his scent. But there was something about him that sent alarms to Loki’s head saying Fenrir wasn’t going to hurt them. That he had some connection to Loki.

Of course, Loki changed back before presenting Fenrir to the twins. He had to be sure that Fenrir wasn’t just reacting to Loki being a wolf. But no, even in his own form Fenrir but his head against Loki, even licked him, like he was glad to see him, be with him, and trotted along no problem when Loki started off. He didn’t go back for Hela, seemed to forget Hela existed at all.

Loki wasn’t complaining. The twins did however.

Especially since they had to make the raft that teensiest bit bigger so Fenrir could hop on too. But, Fenrir pulled his weight. When Loki told him to fetch a log, he fetched a log, holding it still while Magni tied it to the others.

“I think he may have realised that if he stays here he’ll have nothing too,” Loki said when one of the twins cornered him. Which wasn’t a bad thought. With nothing to hunt or kill, nothing to amuse him, nothing but the ruins of Asgard, what would Fenrir do? It was as good a reason as any to switch allegiances.

That explanation was certainly easier to wrap his head around than anything else he could come up with for why Fenrir was remaining so docile.

Whatever the case they finished faster than they would have with the three of them, and when everyone was on board, Loki telling Fenrir to keep his large body down as much as he could, he levitated it up and started through the trees.

The nearest portal that would take them out of Asgard was the one to Jotunheim. It lay near the north of Asgard, where the mountains the Valkyrie's once trained at had grown cold and old with disuse. It was far enough away that they would avoid Hela altogether if she didn’t see them. But it was quite high up. Hence why Loki usually used skiffs to guide himself through the narrow passageways. 

“Are you sure it’s alright to have him on board?” Modi hissed as they cleared the trees. This was the only stretch of flat land they would have to journey across before cover came once more. It was perhaps the most perilous part of their journey, and one Loki wasn’t too happy having a conversation during.

Still, Modi looked two seconds from getting his brother to help shove Fenrir off so Loki nodded, “He’s fine. And don’t talk like he’s not there. He understands you.”

Fenrir gave a toothy grin to prove Loki right, the twins both turning away from it.

The trees let Loki breathe again. As did climbing the mountain without anyone falling off. Still, Loki didn’t feel right until they were making their way steadily through the narrow passage into Jotunheim. He probably shouldn’t have, considering he’d done so much to Jotunheim they probably wanted him dead more than Hela. But, compared to Hela, Loki would take an army of Jotun’s anyday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 has begun. It will update weekly, as of now. There are already five chapters written, so 40 pages, and I'm writing as much as I can so hopefully I'll stay at least 3 chapters ahead of updates.  
> It's completely ignoring Infinity War and Endgame because, well, it doesn't fit with my narrative.  
> Hope you enjoy it.


	37. Chapter 37

Fenrir didn’t look surprised when they landed near the capitol. It made Loki wonder what Fenrir had seen in his life. Hela had roved the lands before Odin started locking them down, and if Fenrir had been with her then he must have seen them too. Loki wondered, if he looked in Fenrir’s memories, whether he would see a Jotunheim different to the ruins around them now.

The twins weren’t prepared for the level of cold Jotunheim offered. Even Thor had bristled when he came here with only his cape. So, the first thing Loki did was find them an abandoned house, which was plentiful in Utgard, and started a fire the boys could thaw out in front of. 

Food he sent Fenrir looking for, and safety Loki set to making traps and setting wards that would at least alert them to someone passing by before they were upon them.

When he came back in he found the twins sitting teary eyed in front of the fire. It stopped him for a moment, mostly because he didn’t feel the same. When he’d been younger, escaping death would have left him comatose for days. He would have holed himself up in his room, panicking because he felt like this was too good to be true, and he was waiting for something, anything to prove it wrong. Now, after centuries of accepting death was coming at one point, this probably registered as number four in the top ten worst things to happen in his life. 

He clapped the twins on their shoulders, “You’re okay. You’re alive and your siblings are with my brother.”

Modi nodded shakily back at him. Loki left them alone after that. 

Fenrir, somehow, found something edible. It wasn’t much, Loki suspecting Fenrir had eaten half of it before he came back, but it was something, and something was better than nothing. Just like some information, even if it was told in wolf language, was better than nothing.

“That’s interesting,” Loki agreed, listening to Fenrir huff a bit more about no trees to pee up. 

He waited until the next morning, when the twins had slept and were in their right mind once more to figure out how they were to proceed from here to tell them what Fenrir had seen.

“There’s some kind of power imbalance in Jotunheim right now.” Not that he was surprised. Loki had killed their king. “The giants have fled Utgard. Right now the beasts are inhabiting the ruins. We should be alright to stay here for a few weeks while we come up with a better plan.”

“Weeks?” Magni squeaked. “In Jotunheim?”

“It’s not ideal,” Loki agreed. “But it’s better than searching for another veil with no provisions. We need to have a base, and this is as good as any.” 

It took some persuading. Despite being in the presence of a Jotun, the twins were hesitant to be so long in their land. Loki didn’t blame them. Jotnar had more cause than anyone else to have him killed, and if word of his presence in their realm got out they would be looking at imprisonment pretty soon.

He didn’t tell them that a few weeks were the shortest amount of time they would probably be here. They were in Jotunheim after all, and one thing about Jotunheim was that it was giant.

To put it in perspective, a giant walking from the palace to the market would take half an hour, maybe more. For Loki, living so close to the market now, it took him at least four to get to the palace steps.

Jotunheim was a realm meant for giants, and that meant land, sea, sky, weather, it fell and lived for a giant. Finding any of these veils would take an age. But the twins didn’t need to know that just yet. They just needed to warm up, get a good meal and a good night's sleep.

Two of those things Loki could provide, a fire and a knock out spell doing the job. The food on the other hand, Loki needed to get a move on sorting out. He couldn’t expect Fenrir to fetch their provisions. He was a big wolf, he didn’t understand that these little things sitting next to him ate just as much as him. What he did bring back was barely supper, and while Fenrir could go a while without eating, Loki was used to his three meals a day, and he knew, considering their girth, these boys were too. So he made plans with Fenrir to come with him the next morning to find meat, frozen vegetables, whatever the Jotnar had left behind that was edible. 

The twins weren’t happy about being left alone. They were getting jittery, and Loki didn’t blame them. They just had their lives turned on their head, they needed to keep busy to forget what they’d left behind, what they might never see again if Thor didn’t pull through and get their people to safety.

So Loki thought fast, gave them a hastily drawn out map of what he could remember of the last time he was in Utgard, and told them to explore. “Find anything useful you can. Information, books if there are any, furs, wood, things that will make our lives a bit more comfortable.”

They nodded, scurrying out with Loki’s warmest cloaks he had in his pocket dimension and disappearing into the white nothingness. Fenrir led Loki to the palace, where he promised the best hunt was. Changing shape, Loki took up Fenrir’s left, the two of them slinking their way through the abandoned hallways to where one of the Jotun beasts had taken roost. 

They took down four of them, Loki painstakingly bringing two of them back while Fenrir chewed and didn’t help at all. He skinned as much as he could without ruining the fur. Thor was always better at this than him, he made the prettiest presents out them. Mostly, Thor was better at this because he had the stomach for it. Loki didn’t mind killing things so long as they had a purpose. People he was alright with, but animals? For sport? He drew the line. It was probably because he could turn into an animal. Mostly it was because…

He didn’t want to think about it, so did his best to cut up the meat and drain the blood into pots the twins had brought back at some point.

He froze what he could, cooked what he left, and when the twins came back at nightfall they had their full stomachs. Loki certainly slept well with it, even if he found himself awake until near morning by Fenrir’s twitching and the twins snoring. He must exude some cuddly hormone, he concluded the next day. Why else would they want to sidle up against him in the night. 

Whatever the case, with the twins telling Loki what they had found on their travels and breakfast in their stomachs they started on a plan. “The Jotnar got to Midgard somehow. If we find this path, we find our way there.”

“Midgard?” They had been expecting Vanaheim. Alfheim at the very least. Loki had heard them talking about it last night, and why wouldn’t they expect Vanaheim. In relation to the rest of the nine, Vanaheim was their closest relative, not only in distance, but in looks and culture. They had a Vanir Queen, why would the last of the Aesir race be unwelcome on their lands?

No doubt those on board the Statesman thought the same. However, Loki knew of Thor’s fondness for Midgard, and, loathe as he was to admit it, Thor wasn’t an idiot. Out of the nine, Midgard was their best bet. While the twins weren’t wrong about Vanaheim being their best bet for familiarity, they seemed to be forgetting that, thanks to Ragnarok, Asgard was no longer the shining realm eternal it once was. What they were as a realm, was now condensed into the survivors of their land. Every scrap of technology rested in the builders on board. Every recipe in their bakers and their cooks. Every garment in their seamsters. They were a people with nothing material to give, and what they held in their minds was of no interest to Vanaheim, no Alfheim, not even to Nidavellir. Vanaheim had their technology, their food, their clothes, they were their best source of trade. Alfheim too. Without gold in their pockets Asgard was useless to them, their people nothing.

But Midgard. The realm of children, they would welcome the Asgardian refugees as Gods once more. They would put up restraint, no doubt, but they would soon agree that Asgard’s knowledge was too precious to turn their noses up at. Thor would have to be careful not to reveal too much too soon however. The Midgardians were greedy, and if Thor wished their people to stay indefinitely, he needed to section off what the Midgardians were granted lest they take advantage and discard what was left of their dying race.

So Midgard it was, and had this been Asgard Loki would have easily pointed them in the direction of a veil. He probably should have while they were in Asgard. But the veil to Midgard was most likely destroyed by now. Hela had started with the Bifrost, and the veil that lay across the seas was not far from the Bifrost site. Too far for them to head to without being found. Too far to not have met Hela’s influence.

They would need to search here therefore, in Jotunheim. 

“Do the giants even own books?” Modi asked.

Loki considered the question even if it was asked in spite. “I don’t know,” He concluded, having never seen a giant, except himself, hold a book. Laufey certainly hadn’t been reading when Loki was here last. Nor the time before when Thor had burst in demanding retribution. Loki would like to say he’d been here enough times to know for certain, but, before Thor dragged him to Laufey’s feet Loki had only talked to the Jotnar through the veil. Never further than those first few steps into Utgard. So, “We’ll have to examine the palace. The temple too. I believe it’s still standing.”

“What if someone’s there?” Magni asked.

Loki shrugged, “Then we hope we can talk them into helping us.” There wouldn’t be. Despite priests clinging to their temples in other worlds, the Jotnar were not known to be a superstitious folk. If they could abandon their homes so easily they could erect another temple without too much thought wherever they stood now. 

He suggested they split up, which was met with harsh no’s from everyone present, including Fenrir. “It’s best if we stick together,” Modi said. 

“We have no weapons,” Magni tacked on, which was fair, and something they needed to rectify.

On their way to the palace, Loki bade them grab chunks of the black rock that had been torn away from houses. They dawdled behind as they smashed them into smaller pieces, but were smart enough to know where to go from there as they grabbed little more than splinters to a giant and wrapped the stones with unwoven thread from clothes they found to make spears and axes.

It made them feel safe, and definitely gave Loki peace of mind that they had something to protect themselves should they get separated as they climbed the palace steps. 

Fenrir went first, Loki taking up the rear when the twins caught up. Should something jump, the plan was to kill it, if they could, to eat later. If not, then Fenrir and Loki could put up enough fight for the twins to get back to the hut.

“You’d think they would change it up a little,” Loki said after a while. It had been an attempt to lift the mood, the twins were starting to make him edgy with the way they skulked along. It was far too familiar to the way Thor did it for comfort. But his attempt fell empty as he got nothing but confused pouts sent back at him.

Right. Orphans. They probably thought the constant scratch marks and dull furniture was lavish even if it was the sign of disarray. They wouldn’t be wrong, just lacking in taste. Then again, Loki wasn’t known for his taste. His own room had been full to the brim with books and potions. What furniture he did have was covered in ink and smelled like botched potions. Just the way he liked it.

They got to the throne room. The route from the front to here, Loki remembered well enough, it was here to somewhere else that would prove challenging. “We need a map,” he decided.

The twins looked back at him before he could even suggest one of them make the sacrifice, and with a sigh he took his new fur collar down and turned it inside out. The skin was soft, but on solid ground proved firm enough to spill some kind of ink onto. Or charcoal, Loki found when one of the twins reached into a cold burner and dragged a charred rock out. 

“One of you make notes,” He told them. “The other make sure he doesn’t lag behind too much.”

They started west, first. If Loki were to build a library he would put it in the wing meant for business and schooling. In Asgard that had been the South wing, where the sun barely shone and didn’t dry the ink in their books. They never overheated there, but Thor certainly wasn’t warm either as Loki recalled him slipping his hand under Loki’s thigh when they were introduced to the idea of council sessions and attending them. Then again, there could have been another reason Thor slipped his hand under Loki’s thigh. He’d never been subtle about his appetite. 

Nevertheless, after watching the sun the day before, the West part of the palace seemed to be the side that received less light. The walls were thicker, and windows scarcer. The perfect place to hide a library.

The halls all looked the same, save the light that dwindled the further into the darker part of the palace they delved. The doors needed magic to open them, some of them wedged shut by beasts, others just locked. None of them held a library. 

It was well past nightfall when they discovered there probably wouldn’t be a library down this way. Mainly because they had found the dungeons. Or what would have been the dungeons a few centuries ago. The walls were crumbling, the chains nonexistent. But the stench of decay and feeling of hopelessness remained. This was certainly a dungeon. 

“Are we going home?” Modi hissed. His eyes weren’t as good as Loki’s, the twins had been clinging onto him for the past five corridors, and in this darkness in a foreign land he would be worried too if he couldn’t see his way.

“Maybe not home,” Loki said, knowing the trek there and back would merely be wasting time they could spend exploring the next day. “One of the lighter rooms we passed had a bed. We’ll stay here tonight.”

The twins were mollified with the bed, when they got there. It also helped that the room had a fireplace of some sort they could roast their supper over. Fenrir enjoyed the large posts he could pee up, and Loki had to agree they were impressive. Much easier to find than trees.

They started east the next day, coming across the more lived in rooms. They found Laufey’s room, along with what would have been Loki’s had he been raised in Jotunheim. They found a nursery, a play room, and where they put the cribs and toys when the children had grown up.

They found the kitchens, which was the most helpful room they’d found so far. The giants hadn’t cleared everything out in their haste. There were a few things covered in ice that were still edible, including what looked like vegetables of some kind. Wine too, for which Loki may have shed a tear at, he was really sick of melting ice, and it had barely been four days. 

There was still no library, and they made camp in Laufey’s room that evening. It should have felt strange, being what he would have known as his father’s room. Worse, that father whom he’d killed. But Loki felt nothing. Well, nothing but annoyance as Magni proved he had another thing in common with Thor other than looks as he slung an arm around Loki’s middle, effectively pinning him in place.

“What do you think she’s doing with Asgard?” Modi asked the next day. 

“Destroying it,” Magni quipped.

“Or maybe not,” Modi argued. “We don’t know. She was trying to restore some order to Asgard before that whole fire demon thing.”

“I don’t think killing the Einherjar was order.” 

“It’s not, not order. I mean, if I were trying to take over a place that didn’t want me there, I would deal with the army first, right? They didn’t bend the knee, so they were enemies. I mean, it’s not right, not at all, but, we did the same didn’t we?” That last part, had they not been in a cavernous corridor would likely have went unheard. 

But they did hear it. “That was different,” Magni said at once, then fell silent. Perhaps they were both beginning to see what Loki had all those years ago.

“Odin was a greedy tyrant,” Loki offered. “And war is war no matter where you go. Hela’s actions may have seemed evil to us, but that’s simply because we were on the other side. Had we wished to join her, I’m sure we would see her actions as we’ve read Odin’s in our books. Generous. Just. And for the good of the realms.” He looked back at them as he turned the corner, “It’s okay, you can speak ill of Odin if you wish. I for one, am not going to reprimand you.”

They didn’t believe him. His reputation always preceded him after all. But they were brave enough to test the waters for which he thought was progress. “Is that why you banned the Einherjar from travelling to the other realms?”

“Among other things.” Namely that he didn’t trust Odin’s contacts in other realms not to sense something was amiss. The Asgardians he could placate, he didn’t have to see them all that much since the council basically ran themselves after Odin went into mourning. But the others, the representatives from Vanaheim especially, he had to greet in person, deal in person, and if they saw something was just as smidgen off with Loki’s character who knew what might become of it. Loki was just thankful Thor had been so desperate to give up his crown, otherwise he likely would have cottoned on quicker than he did.

“And the plays?” Modi pressed.

Loki shrugged, “Had to entertain myself somehow.” And perhaps soften the scorn his name had been associated with these last few years. There was nothing people liked more than a martyr, and Loki’s time on earth, limited as it had been, had shown him people liked nothing more than a misunderstood villain. 

“Did you really hate your father that much?” Magni asked. A bold question at last, and one Loki had never truly been able to answer until the old man was gone.

“You’ll learn,” Loki said, “That there’s often not a way to distinguish love and hate from each other. They’re both powerful emotions, with many of the same symptoms. In my case, I loved my father so much he made me hate him.”

“That doesn’t make any sense,” Magni said after a pause.

“It won’t.” It never did. “Not until you experience the sensation for yourself.”

He’d idolised Odin. The old man had given Loki just enough of himself to enthrall him, to make him die for even a slither of his attention, and when Loki found out what he was, who he was, that love engulfed him, twisted something inside him. He’d needed to prove to himself that it wasn’t all a farce, that Odin did see Loki as someone worthy of his attention. He’d needed acknowledgement, and when he didn’t get it that love twisted again. Deposing Odin wasn’t so much an act of hate, as proof that Loki could be everything Odin wanted. He was the monster he’d called Loki to be upon his return, but he was also the son he’d raised, the clever boy that could sit upon a throne and rule. Loki had done both in his time as Odin. The only problem was that Loki didn’t think the old man had noticed.

Then he’d just…

Died.

They stumbled upon the library by accident really. It turned out it was nearer the throne room than Loki would have thought, sitting between the residential part of the palace and the council chambers. They must not have wished to travel far for a book, which made a stark difference to Asgard.

Still, Loki was surprised to see a library at all. Not that he should have been. Being brought up with hate and prejudice for these people didn’t change the fact that Laufey had been well spoken when he’d met with Thor, with Loki even. He was a king, one old enough to remember Odin’s brothers so it was said, yet Loki had thought him no better read than a mule. 

It made him twist his fingers until they ached as he searched the rows, amending everything he knew to be true until he was actually reading the titles of the tomes in front of him instead of pretending to. 

“What are we looking for?” Modi called. He and Magni were higher up, taking the height of the bookcases as some kind of challenge as they seated themselves at the highest shelf.

Fenrir expressed Loki’s opinion on that with a pointed huff as he went to amuse himself with chasing down the ‘rat’ he saw further down. “Anything that might have a map. If you can read Jotun look for folktales.” He didn’t think they could however. Allspeak was only available to the nobles.

Fenrir made frequent updates whenever he passed. This ‘rat’ or the Jotun equivalent of a rat was a tricky thing, but not trickier than Fenrir- his words. Loki would have rolled his eyes at the commentary had he not found it all so surreal. As it was, he had another task at hand to keep him occupied and stop himself from outright sniggering when Fenrir wiggled his butt before pouncing. 

The Jotnar, from the looks of things, had an extensive library. However, most of the books here were bigger than Loki’s entire body. He had to use magic to lift them down, and most of the time when he did they were anything but useful. The important books, he knew, were most likely with whoever was ruling Jotunheim presently, or at least with the council. But, important to them was not necessarily important to Loki. What use had they, after all, with folktales about travellers and nomads?

“Anything?”

Negative from all parties, including Fenrir’s attempt to get them lunch. 

Loki delved deeper, pulling scrolls that looked old enough to have something of Odin’s name plastered on them. Just a direction of where the old man had come from would have been helpful to them, since Odin didn’t use the Bifrost until it was actually built no matter what people said. 


	38. Chapter 38

Three days they delved into the library stacks, and three days they came away with nothing. On the fourth, Magni proved he had no interest in their intellectual pursuit by joining Fenrir on his hunts. Modi too, only he suggested they do another search of the area to see if they can find more furs to add to their collection in Laufey’s room.

Loki let them go. They didn’t really know what he was looking for either. All they cared about was eventually getting off this realm, and since they didn’t hinder his own progress, in fact seemed to help by removing any distractions, he didn’t see any harm in letting them amuse themselves. They deserved it for cheating the Goddess of death.

He pulled another book off the shelf he’d set himself in front of today, face twisting when he saw lineage lines attached to names. He closed the cover, then opened it again when a thought came to mind. He knew he’d been born near the end of the war with Jotunheim. Odin had said abandoned, but Laufey had still been with child, he would have made it known. With a few flicks of his wrist Loki found his family tree hidden between two important noble families. Laufey he’d known about. Bestla too, no matter if Odin wished to hide his own giant lineage. The ones below however, those made Loki pause.

It just- it didn’t make sense.

Literally. There were too many markings surrounding their names that he had to go back to the contents and make notes on a seperate piece to decipher them. 

When he did get back, he took note of those around his own name. He was first. Then he wasn’t. There were two Loki’s. But, for them to know he was named Loki at all would mean that he’d been called it before he’d been abandoned. Which meant Odin had heard it. Which meant he probably hadn’t been abandoned because… who named something they weren’t going to keep?

Maybe, he checked the first Loki’s name, and those things dotted around him, maybe this Loki was a miscarriage. It said he was deceased. No how, or when, just that he was dead. The other one, himself he was presuming, was still alive. Unless there was another Loki out there with his name. Unless he was the third Loki in this family and Odin had merely thought it amusing to name Loki after whatever brother he had that was, potentially still living. 

Strange that there wasn’t a sire’s name above the second Loki. Also that the ink looked newer here than on the first Loki. Something that wouldn’t be strange since Loki had been born after the first Loki, but, this ink was newer than the other names too, and if he was truly the second born son then shouldn’t his ink have been more faded?

Farbauti had sired the rest of Laufey’s brood, along with the first Loki. Whoever this person was, Loki’s step- parent or something, his name hadn’t been struck like others. Perhaps that meant he was still around to ask about this. 

The others’ however, those that would have been Loki’s brothers, they were dead. Byleistr had nothing noteworthy attached to his name, but Helblindi looked to have popped out a few kids in his time. They were still around, according to this. Yet another avenue, Loki’s mind whispered traitorously, he could explore if he wanted to know about his blood family.

Laufey had been struck, and still the niggling feeling of guilt Loki thought he would get at seeing it didn’t come. He’d done what he had to. If he didn’t Odin would have killed Laufey anyway. Anything to keep his changeling a secret.

He stared at his family tree for a while, at the life that had once been in these halls. What had happened to his brothers he wondered. Did Laufey tire of them? Were frost giants truly nothing more than savage beings? Did they know no familial bonds?

He set the book aside, delving once more away from that distraction and into finding his way to Thor. 

Truly, nothing else held much of his attention the rest of the day than that book. He’d never wanted to know, not before. He’d never wondered whether he would have had a family had he stayed in Jotunheim. Whether he would have been as happy growing up with three giant brothers as he had been with Thor. The thought had never come because the betrayal had been that strong. But, with Odin gone, and Thor all Loki had now, with their mother and her love she’d held unconditionally for both of them, even after what Loki did, he couldn’t help but wonder whether he would have been happy here.

He didn’t know whether to hope he would have been. Would that have been better? To not know Thor? Frigga? Odin definitely. But the others? Even the Warrior’s Three. Annoying as they were, once upon a time he had considered them his friends. Enough that he let them be as he doled out justice to Heimdall and Sif. Well, maybe just Sif. In all honesty Loki hadn’t had anything against Heimdall. Apart from the whole treason thing, Heimdall was a good man, and Loki had brought his ire upon himself. The only thing was he had that whole omniscient thing going on. Without it, Loki could have just left him to guard the Bifrost and wipe his hands clean.

He tossed in bed once more, trying to clear his mind of these errant thoughts. It did no good for him. For any of them. Wondering about what could have been didn’t change what was. Loki hadn’t grown up in Jotunheim. He hadn’t known his brothers. Even if he did would he truly have been accepted here? A runt, and a sireless one at that. 

Why was it blank? 

A kick to his leg reminded him of the important things. The map he needed to uncover and Thor he needed to get back to. So with an effort Loki didn’t know he had, he turned into Fenrir’s warmth and willed himself to sleep.

He still looked over the book the next morning however. He couldn’t help it. Just an hour he told himself, and looked at his family tree. His nephews. His brothers. Loki could go out and meet the former. They wouldn’t be happy to see him, and Loki wasn’t expecting them to, but a glimpse at a life that could have been may sate his curiosity. 

It would mean travelling. Veering off the path he’d set for himself. Loki had never been one to follow plans to the letter before, but even he knew that wasting time to selfishly search for his family was pushing things a bit too far. 

It was better to leave it.

He had Fenrir hide the book when noon came. He needed it out of his sight, and Fenrir was the only one around that could put it somewhere Loki wouldn’t easily guess.

Mind back on track he made his way through another shelf by nightfall. It was good enough to say, “We’re making good progress,” That night over supper.

The twins didn’t have an opinion. Good progress wasn’t a solution after all. But they did cheer up when they started telling Loki about what they had found in Jotunheim. While the giants were creatures the boys didn’t want to encounter, they didn’t appear to shy away from admiring their architecture. Nor the other things they left behind.

“We think we’ve found a temple,” Modi said. “It certainly looks like one. There’s an altar.” 

“How curious,” Loki agreed. Temples weren’t known around most of the nine realms. Midgard, of course had them, they were children with wild imaginations after all. But the others? The Elves, Dwarves, Vanir and Aesir? They had ancestors that could tell the tale themselves of how they were licked into being. They answered to no one but fate. Fate and the Aesir when Odin proved that sometimes power could transcend ones status into a God. 

The only temples Loki had seen were to Odin in the other realms. Those on Midgard too to their singular God. But, the thought of a temple to Odin being on Jotunheim? Loki didn’t think that was right. It couldn’t be. The giants were just as, if not older, than Odin. The giants were the creatures that made the realms the elves and dwarves stood on. So yes, Loki’s interest was piqued at this idea of a temple.

“What else did you find?”

A look was shared between the two, something that reminded Loki of when Thor used to do the same to him. It shot a pang through his chest that they were so far away from each other. Before it had been different. Before, well, they hadn’t lost their home had they.

Modi gave in with a twitch of his eyebrows, “Not much. We were going to go back tomorrow. But, there was this helmet above the altar. We couldn’t really see it since it’s probably giant height but, it was shiny.”

“Silver,” Magni added on.

“A silver helmet?” Odin didn’t have a silver helmet. Everything he owned was gold. A show of power, status. Loki had adopted the same colours in the hopes it would liken him to his father. Truly, the only people in their family that had worn silver were Thor and his mother, and Loki didn’t recall either of them mentioning they had a temple in Jotunheim. He would have known. Between his mother’s stories and Thor’s boasting he would have known.

“We’ll get a closer look tomorrow,” Modi promised. 

With the twins done, Fenrir poked his head into the small triangle they’d created to share his own story about pawing through a couple of texts in the library. Loki thought Fenrir jesting until he recalled seeing some of the sentences he referenced among the books he’d discarded. 

“You can read?” Loki marvelled.

Fenrir huffed like he was offended Loki thought otherwise. 

“My apologies. Did Hela teach you?”

Fenrir made a few grunts, but Loki made out enough. Hela taught him some, but he was already learning words before he met her. A few pointed looks Loki couldn’t much understand, but his meaning was clear, Fenrir wasn’t stupid.

He sent the wolf with the twins the next day. While he was curious to see just how Fenrir read these books he claimed, his fear of the boys slipping and dying was far greater. Besides, should they come into contact with any creatures that might be lurking in the temple, Loki believed Fenrir more capable of the three of them to dispose of it. It wasn’t that he doubted the twins could fend for themselves it was just, well, they had been sheltered. They may have brawled in the drinking halls, but Loki doubted they voluntarily went looking for a fight. They weren’t raised in combat like Loki or Thor. They didn’t go hunting in their spare time or off to the mountains because their father thought it would be a good idea to exile his sons for a few days. They certainly wouldn’t know what to do should they encounter a lone giant that may have stayed behind, so Loki rested easier knowing Fenrir would if the boys froze up.

He took down another scroll, mind aching at these ridiculous council meetings that, in any realm, had to take down every second of every meeting in their notes. Loki hated them, even if he knew they may hold some key to getting them off Jotunheim. While he didn’t doubt their was more political talk than folklore on these pages, Loki wasn’t stupid enough to cast them aside. One whisper of a stranger coming to Jotunheim, the direction he appeared, or the story he told that may have been mentioned by some noble and that could be the lead they needed.

So he tossed the boring scroll among the others he’d read and picked up the next, his hands dwarfed on the large skin the giants used.

“Farbauti,” Loki sighed, “Farbauti, Farbauti.” This Farbauti had more sway in Jotunheim than Loki thought. Despite marrying into the royal family, his signature was on most of the documents that Loki read. Laufey looked to be as stupid as he’d looked if he was willing to leave his kingship to his partner. That, or Farbauti was a smooth talker. Not even Odin trusted Loki’s mother with half of his political work and she had a tongue that could rival Loki’s when it came to getting what she wanted. 

Loki hoped, as time went on, that he would find something with Laufey’s signature on. He didn’t know why, but he wanted at least some proof that his sire wasn’t some bumbling fool with a crown. But for almost a thousand years there was nothing but Farbauti’s signature on every scroll Loki forced himself to read.

“Find anything good?” Loki asked that night, noticing the large creature the boys were skinning as he sat. It seemed sending Fenrir was a good idea after all.

“The helm was a wolf,” Magni said, reaching behind him for said helm. He tossed it Loki’s way. “It took us until evening to get it. Especially with, well, this,” He nodded to the creature.

“You sound as if I’m going to scold you for keeping yourself alive. I don’t care how long you take to get it so long as you come back here before nightfall. The last thing we need is our party getting smaller because one of you decided to rush excavating a temple giants made.”

The twins shared a look, and a twist of their faces before they delved into everything else they’d found trying to get the helm, which, wasn’t much. The altar was bare, the twins thinking whatever might have been on it had been hidden further inside. But there were carvings on it that caught their eye as they climbed it.

“There were images,” Modi tried to describe, before pulling out a small scrap of skin he’d sketched on before Loki came back. “I don’t really know what it’s meant to be about but, that looks like the helmet right?”

It did. On the small drawings Modi made there was a person with a helm similar to the one in Loki’s lap. Everything else was out of context so Loki couldn’t make much out of it, but, to him it looked like, “It’s telling a story. Or some event. You remember the stonework in the city square?”

Modi nodded. The stonework in question was the entire square actually. The stones, the walls, even the fountain in the middle was carved in some place to show the people the story of Odin’s conquest over Vanaheim. Thor used to bring Loki there when they were younger and tell him their mother used to bring them as children.

“She’d tell us about how her people still hope to reclaim their independence one day,” Thor would say. “Remember?”

But Loki didn’t. He must have been too young.

Still, the idea was the same here. Someone had decided to immortalise this God or whatever, in the very altar of their temple. Dedicated wasn’t something Loki would have applied to the frost giants before now, but, well, he couldn’t say otherwise with proof in front of him.

He handed the scrap back, holding the wolf helm up to the sparse light they had. “It’s small,” Loki noted.

“There may be a bigger one further inside,” Magni said.

“If there were then why was it not on show?” Loki countered. “They wouldn’t make something this small just for fun.”

“You think their God is one of us then?” Modi asked.

Loki shrugged. It was as good a guess as they were going to get. Odin, again, came to mind as Loki looked at the helm. While his symbol had always been a bird, Loki didn’t put it past him not to come to Jotunheim disguised. Perhaps the temple wasn’t an ode to Odin. Perhaps it was some kind of tribute centre, an old trading point they’d transformed into a place of horror stories and fearful sacrifices in the hopes Odin may have mercy on them and bring them back their casket.

That didn’t answer why it was a wolf if that were the case however.

He tossed the helmet back, “Keep exploring if you want. It’s certainly something I would be looking into if I wasn’t in the library.”

“You could always come with us,” Modi offered.

Loki shook his head before he could even consider it, “Someone has to keep looking for a way to Midgard. Maybe someday I can come back here and look where you three have tread.”

The twins shared a look, Magni hesitantly offering, “You know we don’t mind if you take a break, right? I know we’ve not known each other long, but, we don’t expect anything from you prince Loki.”

“That’s kind of you to say,” If incorrect. Loki knew they had some expectations of him. Maybe not of the ‘frost giant and will kill me in my sleep’ kind but certainly the kind to get them out of Jotunheim at some point. “But, I’m afraid I have expectations of myself. Keep exploring, and if at some point the words start swimming in front of my eyes I’ll catch up with you.”

He got extra cuddles for that when night came. At this point, Loki was sure the boys weren’t even trying to keep their distance. They were in a strange land, with someone they had at least been taught was there to protect them above all others, so Loki knew why they trusted him so easily. Still, he was used to Thor being the one people lay on in the night. This whole hero thing didn’t come so easily to Loki.

More boring meetings assaulted his eyes the next day. The day after too. Loki went through twelve hundred years of boring meetings before Farbauti’s name faded on paper and was replaced instead with, “Loki.” His older brother, Loki knew. 

Before, other Loki had been just a name on a bit of skin. But here, his signature lay. Loki had lived. Long enough to oversee a council meeting. Which begged the question of just how old he had been when he’d died. Not to mention where Laufey was. What had happened between this signature and Farbauti’s that allowed someone outside of their bloodline to take control of the realm?

He didn’t know. Nor did he think he would ever know as nothing between this scroll and the last indicated any struggle in power. There was merely a line in Farbautis’ first document that stated ‘Loki is dead. Farbauti survives to rule us’. No Helblindi. No Byleistr or Guma or Hron or any of Loki’s extended family. 

He paged back through this Loki’s documents, coming closer and closer to when Odin would have decreed the end of the great war. Then, about two hundred and ninety years after the war would have ceased, Loki saw other Loki’s signature change. Skrymir was crossed out and Loki written next to it, then no Skrymir or other Loki at all. Instead, what greeted Loki’s eyes were his own penmanship. His own name, written exactly how he’d always wrote it. It wasn’t curved how Thor did his own. Or even Frigga’s. Instead, it was written in runes. Frigga had always said it was because Loki learned runes before he learned other forms of writing. Loki thought it had been true, he certainly didn’t find the urge to write any other way when it came to his name. 

It made his signature unique anyway. Only he could write his runes with the flicking l and stocky o. He didn’t question it either. Didn’t think that perhaps someone had misplaced this from when Loki had first been attending council meetings, perhaps sending it down to Jotunheim and… well, there was no other explanation really. Anything else was incredulous to even consider.

This was Loki’s handwriting. That was Loki’s name.

He went back further, uncovering more documents with his name attached. More and more for a solid five months, then that too changed with the last, or the first, document Loki had signed proclaiming, ‘Laufey is dead, Loki survives to rule us’.

He tossed it aside, scrambling for the one before it where Laufey’s signature lay. Laufey’s handwriting. Laufey that had been alive. Laufey that wasn’t dead by Loki’s hands in Asgard. 

Laufey was dead. But Loki didn’t do it. So who had that been in Asgard? Why- why was his name here?

Helblindi’s name came up at one point. But the majority of it was Laufey’s. Which meant Laufey hadn’t been the blundering oaf Loki thought he was. He’d ruled Jotunheim at one point, just not when Loki had ruined Thor’s coronation. Not for centuries if these documents were to be believed.

He read them all, carefully, meticulously. He read about boring trade deals and, at one point crop yields. He read about an incident with Laufey with meant Helblindi was named regent, then Loki when Helblindi was deposed somehow. He read about the guards being increased, the nobles being purged, the interruption of a council meeting.

“Prince Loki’s birthright as regent was challenged,” Loki read. “Farbauti rescinded challenge after council from the people.”

It couldn’t be him. It just- it couldn’t.

Yet there was mention of a runt being brought to the palace. Wasn’t that what they called giants of his height? Runts? One of Laufey’s bloodline too. He was the only one that had been named a runt. By, well, not Laufey Loki supposed. Whoever was on Laufey’s throne when he’d went to lead the giants into Asgard once more. They had called him a runt. They had known he was of Laufey’s blood too, but they had called him a runt. A runt meaning that the others of the litter were perfectly fine. Perfectly giant. Why wouldn’t they be? They had Farbauti as a bearer or sire, or however it worked here. Loki had nothing attached to his name. Nothing but documents in front of him and a past he wasn’t so sure of anymore.

He tore off his signature, keeping it close in hand as he retired early to their chambers. He couldn’t be there anymore, in the place that housed answers he may not be ready to face yet. He needed- he just needed to think, to work this out. 

The helm hit his foot as he walked to their bed. The helm, he knew, would fit. He didn’t have a flash of memory, or even an inane gut feeling, he just knew, logically, that it would fit him. It had to. Who else would have been of his height and blood status that could elevate themselves to Godhood? 

He’d tried it before, on Midgard. Well, he’d given it his brief effort since that attempt was more focused on getting away from unsavoury people than ruling. But, it looked like he’d done it here too. He’d successfully done it here.

Grabbing the charred rock they’d been using in their firepit, Loki turned the skin over and wrote his name. Then wrote it again, and again and again. He wrote it with his other hand. He wrote it with his eyes shut. He wrote it without thinking until he knew, without a doubt that was his handwriting and the one on the other side was his handwriting too.


	39. Chapter 39

He’d been to Jotunheim. Lived here. He’d met his family and seemed to have forgotten it all.

The how he had suspicions about. Suspicions that were becoming more plausible the longer they sat in his mind. 

He’d always been curious about his and Thor’s shared past. How, after a certain age, the memories grew… vague. He’d put it down to age. It wasn’t far fetched to believe someone well past a millenia would forget their first few hundred years alive. But, Loki had found it strange that this had happened when he was still in his early hundreds. At five hundred he could barely remember the adventures of three. What he did recall he’d fabricated out of memories Thor possessed. That, or, they seemed to be shallow. A feeling. A brief glimpse that, when looked closer, just didn’t make sense to his mind. 

Now he knew why. 

Especially if it was the spell Loki thought it was. 

If Odin weren’t dead now, Loki would have killed him. Really, truly killed him. Loki always felt he was standing on a thread when it came to Odin. His love so thin that at any moment Loki may just do something to make it snap. But he’d always thought, deep down, that there was some love there. That Odin cared for him at least.

Loki wasn’t so sure now. 

Even when he’d tossed himself into nothing he’d been sure that there was something inside of Odin that cared for him. Why else would he have kept Loki locked up instead of killing him?

“Prince Loki?” 

Modi nudged a slab of meat next to him. “My thanks,” Loki gave. 

He picked at the meal, using the small actions given to him to gather himself together. He couldn’t let this hinder their progress. What did it matter who Loki had once been? What Odin had taken away?

It had happened. There was no chance of regaining those lost years. What mattered now was getting to Midgard. To Thor and the rest of their people.

It was barely any of Loki’s life, he reasoned. Just a few hundred years. Not the millenia he’s lived as who he is now. What did it matter if he may have been someone different? If he may have known both parents. Known a true family. 

It didn’t.

They were gone. 

All of it was gone. Crossed out in that damn book.

He finished the meat, looking over to where the rest of their supplies were freezing. “We’re going to have to hunt again tomorrow.” Feeding one small giant, one giant wolf and two Aesir meant there was never enough food to last them more than three days. Hopefully, when it came to scouting, the fact there would only be one of them going in either direction would mean their supplies would last longer.

“There’s plenty of game in the temple,” Modi said quietly, him and his brother letting Loki have his space.

“Is that where Fenrir is?” He didn’t hear the wolf at all. Not like Loki usually would have. He could be quiet when he wanted to be, but that was quite rare outside of hunting. 

“Er,” Magni stalled.

He was going to have to teach these boys to get better at covering their tracks. “Where is he?”

“He er,” Magni tried, “He went off.”

“Went off?” 

The twins shared a look, Loki having to physically stop himself from looking skyward at their hopelessness. Even Thor had some tact. “Well, we were looking further inside-”

“To see if we could find anything else about that small God-”

“Right, and Fenrir was behind us then-”

“Well, then he wasn’t.” They both gave a timid shrug. 

“We tried looking for him,” Magni promised. “But then it got dark and we remembered what you said-”

“About not staying out too late in case something happened-”

“So we came back. But,” Magni piped up, “He’s a big wolf, so, I mean, he can handle himself?”

Loki didn’t stop himself from rolling his eyes this time, “You can set a fire, you can lock the door, just make sure you’re alone before you go to sleep.” He grabbed a ball of fire, letting it float ahead of him, “I should be back before morning.”

The temple, Loki hadn’t travelled to yet. Truly, before today, he’d been thinking of not seeing it at all this time in Jotunheim. He had been curious, yes, about this so called God, but, at the time, he’d reasoned Ragnarok took precedence over some made up giant deity who could very well be Odin in disguise. Or Hela.

But the twins had told him enough that Loki knew, whereabouts, it lay, and after his little revelation, well, he was a little curious himself about seeing this so called temple.

Jotunheim at night was a blanket of darkness. The moon hung heavy, half full, in the sky, the stars around it of, probable, other planets filled with giants the only light he had. That and the fire that did its best to show Loki the hazards in his way before he bumped face first into them.

It wasn’t too far from the palace, and, if Odin were to be believed, this was where Loki had been ‘found’ in his grand story of acquiring Loki. Yes, Loki may have heard this story from Frigga, but it was Odin’s memories that had poisoned her mind. 

Frigga.

Loki had never thought about how she fit into it, and by just thinking about her Loki had to stop for a moment as a wave of nausea hit him. It had never been her fault for lying to him. She hadn’t known. He knew that now. Her confusion when she told Loki how she came to have a frost giant for a son, how she wasn’t sure of the story herself, like she had to ask Odin again and again where Loki had come from. That wasn’t fake. Frigga hadn’t known. She’d never lied to him. She’d been a pawn in all this just as much as Loki. Her memories of him, teaching him magic, caring for him as an infant, they had all been fabricated by Odin and that… 

She’d loved him. She had to have, right? That wasn’t fake was it? She didn’t know. She’d never known. Odin had probably tried to force Loki off as Aesir in her mind too. In her memories. She may have even had memories of carrying him and it all- all of it had been false.

But she loved him. She’d done her best. 

He had to believe that otherwise… otherwise she was complicit too and Loki couldn’t stand that. He’d loved Frigga more than his own life. She couldn’t have betrayed him too. Right?

He forced his feet to keep on marching, the snow soft and giving beneath his feet. Had giants still been here, the snow would have hardened into ice. But only creatures lived in Utgard now, and they housed themselves in the grand structures that were still habitable. That meant Loki was left to fall through the snow with every step and struggle his way to the first gigantuous step that took an age to climb up.

He didn’t call out when he reached the top. Loki was desperate, not stupid. He knew if he shouted his location he would be ambushed before Fenrir could even think to raise his head. So he kept his voice to himself, and started along the short hall that led to the first of many caverns.

It was too dark to see that altar or hangings the twins would in daylight. Loki sent his fire around in hopes to glimpse something that would lead him to Fenrir, and prayed something wouldn’t catch his eye to keep him here until daybreak.

A corridor was found when Fenrir was not. Keeping his fire small, Loki tip toed along the snow dusted ice to where the walls changed from a gleaming blue to shadows. Dents were seen when Loki tried to figure out just why the walls would have changed, and only when he made out what should have been a foot did he understand. They had changed the walls to stone, the same dark stone that was found all around Utgard. Most likely because the stone was either easier to etch into, or, it preserved the images longer. 

The fire came low once more. Curious, his mother had always called him, what Frigga had always called him, and curious had often led him into more trouble than he needed. Right now he knew that curiosity would strand them in Jotunheim for years rather than months, so Loki did his best to ignore his very nature and keep his head to the ground and ear to those that lurked in the temple.

“Fenrir?” He hissed, low but carrying in this cavernous structure. “Fenrir the twins are worried.”

He journeyed further when nothing answered his call. To where the light disappeared even more and the air grew warmer. He didn’t think it was fire. He wasn’t too certain it wasn’t. But, often, when ice was deprived of a constant gust of air it could grow warmer on its own. Or, at least, it didn’t have the icy chill a gust would bring further up the temple corridors.

“Fenrir?” 

Still nothing, and Loki wondered whether that was by choice.

He walked again, walked until his feet ached and he was plotting Fenrir’s demise at his own hands if the wolf wasn’t already dead. Not even caring now, he sent his fire on ahead like he had done so many times before, and of course when he was tired and worn out did something glitter in the hallway he found himself in.

Thankfully he knew the eyes that fire reflected and managed to paint some semblance of a scowl on his face as he demanded, “Where have you been? Do you know how long it’s been? You have a curfew for a reason. We all do.”

Fenrir, strangely, hung his head at Loki’s admonishment, shuffling closer, before picking himself back up and nudging his nose against Loki’s. The message was familiar, if unexpected. “No. No, I’m not following you Fenrir we’re going back. It’s late.”

Fenrir wasn’t listening. With a few paws at the ground, and Loki knowing he wouldn’t be able to go back without indulging the wolf, he changed shape and landed on Fenrir’s back. If he was going to be dragged along he wasn’t walking, so let Fenrir and his little fire lead the way down even more corridors.

It didn’t take as long as it would have if Loki had been walking alone. Fenrir, and Loki just realised it, but Fenrir was a giant. A giant among wolves in Asgard to be sure, but in Jotunheim he was roughly the size a wolf would be. Which was strange. Then it wasn’t as Loki realised he’d never took the time to learn what animals actually lived on Jotunheim. Wolves could live here. Which meant that Fenrir was probably born here. Which begged the question how he ended up in Hela’s company. 

Unless he’d just died and Hela decided she wanted a companion. 

He didn’t know. Nor did he think he was going to get an answer, but whoever was watching over Loki’s sad life seemed to be following his train of thought as, when Fenrir stopped and Loki’s fire grew large enough to see the cavern completely, he was faced with the reality of what he’d learned.

He had been here. If he’d had his doubts before he didn’t now as he looked up to see himself immortalised on black rock. The helm the twins had brought him was on his head, and lines he’d glimpsed only so often in the mirror since he’d discovered his origins clear as day in this picture. Beside and behind him were giants. An army, Loki thought, only to see the wagons they pulled behind them.

Refugees?

Whoever they were, they didn’t bear the usual markings Loki had come to associate with giants. Truly, they looked a bit like Aesir, only larger and with heritage lines. There were no horns, nor lack of clothing. In fact, these people were clothed as much as Loki would expect someone travelling in sub zero to wear.

This was him. His history. His life that had been stolen from him. 

Although why Fenrir was showing him this he didn’t figure out until the wolf rubbed himself against Loki and the wall right after. He nosed the picture of Loki, then something to the right of him, something Loki hadn’t noticed on his first look.

It was a wolf. A small wolf. Practically a child and it didn’t take five guesses for Loki to know who it was.

“This is you.” He brought the fire in closer, more focused so he could see it better.

Fenrir sat himself down, admiring his engraved self with a vanity Loki didn’t expect from the wolf. 

“We knew each other,” Loki summarised.

Not the answer Fenrir was expecting from the swift bark he gave, he growled low in his throat and nudged Loki’s head with his own a few times. The sentiment was enough for Loki to understand there was more than just a passing acquaintance between them. They’d spent enough time with each other to be friends. For Fenrir to halt instead of attack when he saw Loki once more.

“I don’t understand.” The floor came to his knees very suddenly, his mind sluggishly going through what he knew again and again as Fenrir tried to tell him in words he simply didn’t possess about their shared past.

He heard a low keening noise. It took a moment for him to register it was coming from himself. 

Everything he knew. Everything he thought he’d clawed back for himself, it was all a lie, again and for what? What had been so bad that Odin felt the need to destroy Loki, or who Loki used to be? What was so wrong with him that he’d needed Odin’s constant supervision. Since that what this was. This wasn’t generosity that had Odin taking Loki in. He could have abandoned Loki to the depths of Muspelheim and be done with it. He wouldn’t have known better, wouldn’t have remembered what it was that he’d needed to forget. But Odin hadn’t done that. He’d masqueraded Loki as his own. He made sure that every move Loki performed was overseen by someone else, and that he had good reason for being reported back to. He was Loki’s ‘father’ after all. No one was going to question why a king wanted to know how his son was doing. 

He felt sick. He was tired. He just… he didn’t know. 

But Fenrir had an idea. He was in Helheim, somehow, and away from Loki. He must have been gone before Odin wiped him. That meant he’d avoided Odin’s memory spell. Odin was good, but even he couldn’t do the whole nine realms in one go. Vanaheim, possibly, he did after Asgard. But the others? If Loki had been ingrained enough with the royal family in his first life, seen enough by ambassadors, Odin could have easily persuaded them to keep their silence on this newly acquired son. That, or he got rid of them. That sounded more like Odin. Removing those that knew his secrets and replacing with them with people that were too stupid to question what Odin told them.

Jotunheim knew too, otherwise they wouldn’t have this temple still. Or Loki’s signature in the library. 

He could always… ask. 

He pulled his hair, the spark of pain making him think clearly again.

It didn’t matter.

None of this mattered.

What did was getting to Thor.

He stood himself back up, “We better go before the twins think we’re dead,” He made himself say, changing into a bird to make the trip back easier on his legs.

It was faster getting back to their room than it was walking to the temple. The twins were asleep when they stepped in, Loki looking at their young faces and wondering what they might have known before all this. What they would have known, Loki realised as he thought back over what they’d told him. Odin didn’t just make orphanages for anyone. He left that to Frigga, mainly, and even then he rarely thought it a good idea.

But they would have been children.

He felt that nauseous feeling creep back up his throat, and found himself curling up away from the twins when he set his head down. Fenrir curled up next to him, Loki burrowing into his soft fur. He needn’t fear Fenrir anymore. He was a friend, he’d said so himself. Which was why Loki found himself mumbling, “If you find anything more about us, can you tell me. Don’t mention it to the twins. Just me okay?”

Fenrir’s fur twitched, yes, he was saying, and Loki tried that night to not think about everything he’d left behind. Everything that hadn’t been real.

He tried to pretend those documents didn’t exist the next day. But, truthfully, they were the best lead he had. He didn’t just mean about his identity problem either. These documents were the oldest he’d found so far. They were a glimpse into the court life, of strangers coming and going, of trade routes and crop yields. They were the stories he needed so he had to look. He just didn’t want to, and while it might have been selfish on his part, he was adamant that there had to be something in another part of this library that might offer answers he wouldn’t need looking through court documents to find.

Five weeks in total they spent on Jotunheim. Five weeks was what it took for Fenrir to trot over to Loki one morning with a small book in his teeth. “What’s that then?” Loki sighed, knowing the wolf was just fulfilling that late night question Loki had bade of him.

It was old and tattered. Small too which piqued Loki’s interest. He could hold it in both of his hands rather comfortably, and while he had to squint after reading far too many large prints with giant handwriting, it was nice to hold something familiar again.

The  _ Edda _ it was called, and Loki saw inside that it bore a name to mark it as his own. Or, not, he supposed as the handwriting was different. The other Loki then. 

He didn’t think he’d ever been so repulsed by a book as he was by this one. Birthing horses. Snakes.  _ Hela _ . It was all so absurd. Yet Fenrir thought it important and Loki saw why when he reached the end. There were notes in the margins, things other Loki thought were important to include. Loki didn’t think anything of it until he finished the whole text, only then, when he finished rolling his eyes at the dramatics of the end of the nine realms instead of merely Asgard did he go back through with a keener eye.

Instinct, he would call it later. But something stopped him from dismissing the book altogether. Perhaps it was because Ragnarok had come around, and some parts were eerily similar to how this book described them. Or, perhaps it was because Loki’s mind was one step ahead of his comprehension, and his skimming of other Loki’s notes made his hackles rise before he knew what to be afraid of.

The additions started near the middle of the book, where the Loki inside started fornicating with every maiden in sight. One in particular had caught other Loki’s attention, the addition next to her name reading ‘put in place’. Angrboda was a witch in this text, a giant that, with this Loki birthed the beings that would bring about Ragnarok. There wasn’t anything more about her, no explanation about what ‘put in place’ meant or where this place was. The only thing Loki could guess was that she had fulfilled whatever role other Loki had planned for her as Fenrir- he shot a look to the wolf at his side- Jormungandr and Hela were underlined and ‘birthed’ wrote next to their monikers. 

Further on, Frey, who Loki had always put down to some kind of spelling error, or mistake with Freyja’s name, was important enough to have quite a few annotations. ‘The Vanir have taken arms,’ one said. ‘Frey is in hiding, will have to sort out.’ ‘Sutur has him,’ was the last line associated with Frey’s name.

Loki had scoffed before at the name, but on second thought, he wasn’t so sure. His life was a lie. He had three hundred, if not more, years missing. Why could there not be a Frey?

So, Loki came to realise, if there had been a Frey, then what else was true in this book? He shot another look at Fenrir. Saying something, even asking Fenrir if it were at all possible, was tricky. He didn’t want Fenrir to turn on him. But the wolf already knew that there was something off with Loki and… those eyes. Perhaps Loki had his answer after all.

He found the twins as soon as he connected the dots together. They were trying on Loki’s helm in front of the giant mirror they found the other day. While, usually, Loki would have made fun of their hurry to snatch the thing off their heads, today, this month actually, had him in a bit of a foul mood.

“We need to get to Midgard,” he said.

The twins shared a look, “I thought that was what we were doing,” Modi said carefully.

“We are, but we need to get there now. Before Thor.” Thor couldn’t reach Midgard. How something hadn’t happened to him before Loki didn’t know. They needed to go. They needed to go now.

“Did you find a passageway?” Magni asked.

“No.”

“Then how are we to get to Midgard?” Modi asked. It was all so careful, like they were stepping on eggshells around him. One wrong word and he might explode.

Right now, he actually thought he might. “I don’t know,” He said. He didn’t. The only passageway he knew to Midgard was on Asgard and-

Oh. 

Maybe.

It would certainly mean they could get to Midgard if it worked.

“I… I think we should go back to Asgard,” Loki decided. 


	40. Chapter 40

“But,” they shared another look, Magni saying softly, “Prince Loki Asgard is destroyed.”

“No,” he was sure of it. He could feel it. “I don’t think it is. Hela won.” She’d never truly destroyed Asgard until Thor and he came back. A few buildings were down here and there, and Loki’s statues were gone, but, all in all, Hela hadn’t decimated the place until Sutur had been awakened. Not to mention, “Ragnarok is a cycle,” He remembered, not only from the book in his hand but from what his mother used to tell him. “Nothing is truly gone, just reborn into something else.” Even if it was gone, at least they would know for certain. They would see for their own eyes what Ragnarok would wrought. “You can stay and find another way if you wish, but I for one am going to find Thor.”

He packed what food he could spare for himself, along with one of the sizable capes they had made from the skin of their last few hunts.

His boots back on, and Fenrir by his side Loki tracked his way back to their makeshift raft.

He wasn’t surprised that the twins were coming with him. Loki was the only thing keeping them afloat in Jotunheim. Without him in the library, they would have to look themselves, in between hunting, gathering things to burn and fending off whatever beasts had caught their scent. Perhaps if Fenrir were staying with them they might have considered staying until they found a proper way to Midgard instead of a half formed plan. But Fenrir was sticking with Loki, and Loki was off to Asgard.

One of them had the wolf helm in their hands, the other taking a seat at an angle that, for a moment, Loki could trick himself into thinking it were Thor. It brought to mind the rest of the  _ Edda’s _ convoluted tale. Or, perhaps, not so with how much they resembled Thor.

But, even if Thor were wiped clean like Loki, he couldn’t possibly imagine a Thor that was willing to sleep with a Jotun. Loki was different. When they started whatever it was that had been between them they had both been in the dark about Loki’s heritage. He doubted very much now if he lay himself out for Thor’s appraisal his brother would even spare Loki a second glance.

He didn’t think anymore about that. There were more important things at stake here than Loki’s bedroom habits.

They should have planned more. Perhaps come up with a mode of attack if they encountered Hela. Maybe Loki should have drawn the twins a map, explained better why they needed to get to Midgard so urgently. But, Loki didn’t, frazzled as he was about what he’d read. So off they went, with no backup plan in place and sheer dumb luck hopefully on their side.

Luck that didn’t even hold long enough to get them through the rift unscathed. Somewhere in their journey the raft knocked against something within the void. Just what Loki didn’t know. All he heard was a shout from the back, a yelp from Fenrir and the next he knew the raft was splintering as they popped into Asgard.

It was unsalvageable. The back had completely broken off, and without the dual support from both ends the raft was useless to them as it split off into different parts. 

The problem was they didn’t have time to build a new one. The solution was, if Loki’s hunch was right, perhaps they may not need to.

The mountain they emerged onto was still standing. The cave inside still there too. Truly, nothing from up here looked that bad. Until they started down the side. It was a long slope, easily almost a days journey for three men and a wolf. Nightfall had fallen, and with it the familiar smell of Asgard. There was no other way to describe it but home to Loki’s nose. The heat of the air, the dust in the rocks. The burning, that was new however. He could smell it as soon as the foliage was in sight. Or, what should have been foliage.

What had been left of Asgard was no more. The palace was gone. The trees, the flowers, the homes… they were gone too. There was nothing to see for miles around really except soil. 

Strangely, it wasn’t dead, the soil. There was life in it, Loki scooping some up to run between his fingers. It was much like his mother's garden, soft, and rich as it hit the floor once more. It wasn’t what Loki expected.

Despite there being nothing around them, it was impossible to find Hela. It was dark, for one, and with no light but Loki’s fire, and the stars that still shone above they couldn’t make out much. Not even each other’s faces if they turned a certain way.

He didn’t want to, but there was no point in going on when what Loki knew was gone. He couldn’t use landmarks to find his way around anymore, and instinct would only get them so far. So he sat down, and made the others do the same.

“I’ll keep watch, you’ll need your strength for tomorrow,” Loki said.

They argued for a while about that, about Loki’s usefulness in comparison to theirs. But Loki didn’t think he would sleep tonight, didn’t want to sleep until he had Thor’s neck in his hands and towing him to the next best realm he could find. So he won, as he knew he would. These boys might have Thor’s stubbornness, and Loki definitely was seeing more of Thor in them the longer he thought about it, but Loki had been out stubborning Thor for centuries before, well, before these boys were born he was going to say but, he wasn’t so sure anymore.

Nothing happened through the night. It didn’t stop Fenrir from growling or snapping at everything he thought was moving but nothing happened.

When daybreak came they gathered their packs again and started down a path that Loki thought led to what used to be the palace.

He didn’t know if they ever got there. If they just walked over it or skirted around it completely. He didn’t know whether he was standing over what used to be his bedroom, his mother’s garden. He didn’t know anything because Asgard was unrecognisable to him. Barren was the wrong word for it, the soil beneath their feet wasn’t barren after all. Yet that was the only word Loki could come up to describe it. Barren. Empty. Devoid of everything that had made it Loki’s home for the past millennia.

They walked for five days, around and around in circles. That, or, Loki had forgotten just how long Asgard was. Eventually however, they came to the sea.

“Just where should this portal be?” Modi asked.

“Around there,” He waved to the sea. “Somewhere. It’ll be harder to find now the palace is gone.” Now everything was gone.

“And we’re going to swim there?” Magni guessed.

“Hopefully not.”

They walked for days longer, how many Loki lost track of since his stomach was taking up most of his brains telling him it was hungry. The twins and Fenrir didn’t help either with their own complaining. They should have brought more food. That, or Loki should have done a better job of figuring out where they were.

The only thing they could do was fish, and until Modi brought up that first, beautiful specimen, Loki wasn’t even sure there were fish left.

Fish only lasted them so long, and with their appetites they didn’t stretch how they would for other species. 

Thankfully, before cannibalism, or eating Fenrir, was spoken between them, they happened upon exactly what Loki had been banking on. 

Hela.

They must have went around the forests, since the harbour was still intact. Not all of it, the homes and people were gone. The vast ships that once roamed Asgard’s seas too. But the planks were there, and the ropes. The smaller boats too where Hela was sitting, her legs tossed over the edge, toes dipping into the water below.

“It’s gone,” Hela greeted.

“I gathered,” Loki said, gesturing around them. “But then, that’s what happens when you try and destroy a civilisation.”

Hela snorted, barely moving from her lounge. It worried Loki a bit. Confidence the likes that Hela had only came from people who didn’t need to loom to win a fight. Who knew if it came down to it they would come out on top.

“We need a boat,” Loki said. “To go to Midgard.”

“I gathered,” Hela said, waving to the few she had tied to the pier. “Take your pick.”

None of them moved. Well, Fenrir did, moving past Loki to sniff out which boat he thought was best. “Just like that?” He wasn’t stupid. Just because Fenrir had ties to Hela that didn’t mean they would be allowed to just leave. It hadn’t been that simple before.

Yet, “Just like that,” fell from her lips, Hela finally sitting up, her battle armour gone in favour of her more lounge wear she’d been sporting when they’d first met. “You’re a lot more twitchy than you were last time. Ruder too. I quite liked being called a Lady.”

He had a feeling she wasn’t referring to the battle. Or the meeting in Norway. “Well, I’m afraid things have changed between then and now. Mainly my memories. Looks like father wasn’t above manipulating all of his children to get what he wanted.”

“Bastard,” Hela scoffed, flopping down into her lounge. “I’ve done my part anyway, even if you don’t remember our agreement.”

“That being to destroy Asgard.”

“That being to have my revenge on Odin,” Hela corrected, she waved her hand around, “It wasn’t supposed to end like this. I was going to teach the people, show them what lies they’d been fed their entire lives. Odin was no gracious ruler, just an old man too scared of his own lies to face the monsters he’d created.”

“Of that we can agree.” Loki often wondered what monster he would have become had Odin left him be. Especially now he knew just how far the deception lay. 

“Don’t worry though, Asgard will grow again. So go,” she dismissed. “And make sure my brother doesn’t do anything stupid. You were right, I am too young to die. And now I’m free of that awful realm I don’t fancy having to go back.”

Despite her words Loki didn’t run to the first boat he saw. Edging around Hela, one eye on her at all times, he herded the twins to the boat at the edge of the pier. They could sail, thankfully, and now they had the pier to orient themselves Loki could instruct them while keeping an eye out for any tricks from Hela.

There weren’t any. The hours it took them to reach the veil that still stood at the edge of the Asgardian sea, just where the first of the islands started to grow, Hela not once sent spikes after them or any number of draugrs to drag them to the deep.

The veil was easier to navigate to Midgard. Of all of them it always had been. When they popped out the other side unscathed there was only the feeling of breathlessness waiting for them instead of impending doom that came with wondering what was waiting for them in other realms.

Another sea was their first glimpse of Midgard. It was dirtier than Loki remembered, last he’d used this passage. No longer did it gleam in the waning sunlight, and instead a smell wafted up that was decidedly not just the salt in the water.

“It’s colder than I expected,” Modi said. Loki glanced back to see the two of them twisting their noses up at the water. 

“Warmer than Jotunheim though,” Loki said.

At that they had to grin. Anywhere was warmer than Jotunheim.

“Which way from here then?” Magni asked.

Loki sent a gust to the sail, taking up one of the oars before one of the twins could get out of navigating. He needed something to distract him, and manual labour worked for Thor so perhaps it would work for himself. 

“No idea.” The tesseract had helped the last time to navigate around Midgard. That, and Loki’s unwilling accomplices. Without either of them, he had to rely on instinct that was telling him to sail west. So west they went. “We’ll bump into something sooner or later.”

With the sea beneath their feet they had an easier time of surviving than when they were on Asgard. Fenrir got seasick, which left Loki and the twins to use whatever Loki could conjure to fish. That, and Loki had the handy ability to change shape. 

With magic on their side, and instinct leading them most of the way, they ended up at land after a couple of weeks. Weeks that were far too long for Loki’s liking, but, he thought, with how Thor was travelling the universe right now, they were still ahead of him. A good three months considering all the wormholes Thor would have to find without a functioning navigator. At least he had Heimdall, Loki told himself. 

While he didn’t want Thor to reach Midgard, he certainly didn’t want his brother to be lost in space the rest of his life. 

When land did appear on the horizon it was nothing more than a small island that niggled some part of Loki’s brain. He’d been here before, and by before Loki knew not just when he was sneaking around as Prince Loki, but before that too, before Odin took what life he’d had and turned him into a puppet. 

The larger island behind it became clearer the nearer to the first one they got. Loki remembered long nights spent here, when the towns weren’t so foggy and the countryside peaceful in a way that other realms were not. It was probably because Midgardians had such short lives. Loki could be in one and come back a hundred years and never see the same faces again. There were no long held grudges on Midgard.

It was the same now. Except, Loki hadn’t been gone long enough for his deeds to have been forgotten as of yet.

“England,” He told the others as they disembarked. “And quite a fair way from where we need to be.”

Magni stopped with his foot hanging over the edge of the boat, “So should we get back in?”

Loki considered it, but, ultimately, the Midgardians had advanced from long boat rides in the spanning years. “No. We’ll fly. And hope the procedure is as simple as Barton made it out to be.”

When Loki had the man captive, quite many jokes were sent his way, namely those of flying ‘commercial’ while they had been zoning in on the helicarrier. Loki hadn’t a clue what the man had been on about, but, as he tricked the minds of a few Midgardians to let them through the ticket area, he was starting to. 

Security was a nightmare. Despite them not having any luggage Loki was almost searched, saving himself at the last minute with another helpful bit of magic. The twins, however, were not so lucky, and since Loki needed his reserves to keep Fenrir out of suspicion, he let the two of them be felt up by Midgardians.

Once security was dealt with it wasn’t like they could just hop on a flight. Apparently, while it was a convenient mode of transport, there was quite a lot of waiting involved. Four hours they sat there, Loki’s nerves getting frailer by the second as he expected a portal to open up beneath him or someone to start yelling about the ‘mad villain’ come back to claim their souls.

When they finally made it onto the plane, it wasn’t the experience Loki thought it would be. When he’d been on board the smaller ones with Barton, he’d had room to stretch his legs, maybe take a well needed nap. On this one, he barely had room to breathe.

Fenrir hated the whole experience too. The height made his ears pop, and he spent most of the flight with his head buried, or trying to be buried, in Loki’s lap. Thankfully they had three rows to themselves or the wolf wouldn’t have even fit inside. Still, it was rather difficult making those hostess people duck and crawl under Fenrir’s bulk without revealing there was a ten foot wolf on their plane.

It was a long, ardorous experience that Loki did not want to repeat. As soon as they made it to Stark, or whoever was still alive these days, Loki was requesting some kind of holographic map and sailing the first chance he got to Vanaheim.

“There are a lot of pretty people here,” Magni told Loki as they got off a ‘bus’ and onto the streets of New York. “Lots of interesting fashion too. You didn’t mention in your play how colourful these Midgardians were.”

Loki saw his eyes tracking one scantily clad female that honestly wasn’t anymore clothed than her companions. “My play didn’t mention a lot of things.” He grabbed both twins by the arms before they could wander off, “We need to make a plan of action. First things first is finding who’s still alive. Preferably, I’d liked to find the Captain. His bleeding heart will at least allow us an audience before he hands us over to his government.” Second to him was the spider. She would be able to read his sincerity if nothing else. Honestly, any of them would be preferable but that damned charleton masquerading as a sorcerer.

“Where will we find these people?” Modi asked, he at least getting back on track.

“Last I saw them their base was in a large building with STARK along the side. Things might have changed since then.” So the best thing to do was to grab a newspaper and ask around. Well, actually, the best thing would be for Loki to change into a bird and scope out the old haunt, but, he didn’t trust his companions to be in the same place he left them when he got back.

So, newspaper it was.

“What are those things they’re tapping on?” Magni asked.

“Phones,” He glanced up, making sure they hadn’t changed into something else since last Loki had been here. Nope, still phones. “Midgardians use them to communicate. Asgard had such a thing if you remember a few hundred years ago.” Then Odin had banned them. Probably because it meant they could communicate with the other realms more easily. All it would have took was one Vanir or Elf with loose lips and Odin’s plans would have unravelled far sooner than he had planned for.

“Perhaps we should get one,” Magni suggested, his eyes already on something other than the phones when Loki looked up at him. “That or-”

The woman he’d been eyeing finally cottoned on she was being watched. Instead of glowering as most mortals did at them, her eyes visibly widened and she all but ran over to them. “Oh my God you’re Thor aren’t you. Or,” She caught Modi too, “Are you Thor?” her phone was clasped, already primed for one of those ‘selfies’ that had distracted the real Thor when they had been here last.

Loki near rolled his eyes when the question inevitably came up, but then an idea struck him as he remembered what else those phones were good for. Changing his form, since Banner wasn’t using it, he ambled over as best he could, tucking his shoulders in as he asked, “Actually I was hoping we could borrow your phone? Avengers stuff.” He made sure to do a quick look around she certainly wouldn’t miss. 

The prospect of danger, or wanting to just help, had her handing over the phone immediately, and a few more words of this impending doom had her scurrying to the nearest store to take cover.

“That was generous of her,” Magni said, thumbing the device he’d been given.

“Indeed,” He snatched it before Magni could break it, changing back into his usual guise as he thumbed open the ‘internet’ button. 

It took a while and Loki pick pocketing a few Midgardians for them to buy some donuts before Loki managed to make the damn thing work. His search of ‘the Avengers’ led to more confusing sites than Loki was expecting. There were whole pages dedicated to their team and the injustice of something he didn’t quite understand right now. Whatever these ‘Accords’ were didn’t matter other than the fact that it meant Loki wouldn’t be facing the entire team when he turned up on one of their doors.

“Don’t you have a tracking spell?” Modi asked as Loki tried to locate just where it would be they would find these avengers on their pilfered phone.

“I do. But I’d rather have a good idea of what I’m up against before I find one of them.” Stark was still alive. The Captain Loki was unsure of. Rumour had it he was seen somewhere in Europe, but speculation had never done him well before. The spider was rooming with Stark. Banner was in space and Barton, it looked like, had went off the map. ‘Retired’ the internet called it. “Looks like Stark may be our best bet.” He was closer too. 

Refusing to take the bus again, Loki stole a car. Well, a truck since Fenrir didn’t fit in a car. Modi decided he was going to drive, after Loki almost smashed the damn thing to pieces. He wasn’t expecting much when the boy took over, but, Modi actually showed he had more brains than his potential father as he went off for a moment and came back with full knowledge of at least how things worked if not in practice.

They jerked and stopped for three hours while Modi tried not to kill them. Fenrir started grumbling when Modi stopped a bit too suddenly at one point, his threatening growl at least getting Modi to be a bit gentler when he jerked them to another halt.

Eventually they got the device up and running. With the city passing them by, when they weren’t stuck in traffic, Loki worked on his speech. Then gave up on it. They were going to threaten him one way or another, the best thing to do was to speak from the heart and hope their love for Thor was greater than their hate for him.


	41. Chapter 41

The compound was hidden behind an expanse of trees. A gate too, but that was easy enough to fool. Still, tampering he knew would attract attention, so he wasn’t too surprised to see a small group waiting for them as they pulled to a stop.

“Hands up and let me do the talking. Fenrir,” He called, the wolf sneezing to let Loki knew he heard him, “Stay in the truck.”

He put his hands up, noting the new faces among the old before him. Stark had aged, somewhat, since their last meeting. All of those Loki knew from their earlier battle had aged. He hoped they would still be around when Thor reared his stupid head. 

“I know this looks deceptive, and if I were in your position, I certainly wouldn’t hear me out,” Not the best way to start things, but Loki thought honesty was best when negotiating. “But Thor is in terrible danger, and… trust me this isn’t easy to say, but you Midgardians are the only ones able to help me. Well,” he amended, “You and the Captain, but I’d rather not get on another plane right now.”

The blast he expected, although it did nothing more than make him step back out of pure shock. 

“Ow?” he tried, not knowing what the correct response was in this situation.

“You are alive then,” Stark said, hand lowering. “There was me hoping Thor was telling the truth.”

Loki rolled his eyes, he couldn’t help it, this was all so pointless. “Look, a lot of things have obviously happened since we last met. I’m not dead, you’re not dead, but you’re going to be if we don’t come to some arrangement.” He held his thumbs up, telling them, “Don’t worry, I’m on your side this time.”

The spider broke off from the group, coming close enough to get a good read as she asked, “We’re just supposed to believe that?”

“Believe what you like. But I love Thor, and he is in danger. And if you don’t help me, I truly will have to go to your other teammates because I need someone to help me.” The spider believed him. He could tell she did, just as he could also tell she didn’t want to. Nor did she trust him just because she believed him. She turned, no doubt to give Stark some spiel about letting Loki go find the good Captain so Loki used his trump card. “If you don’t help me then Banner will end up suffering too. If you won’t hear me out for one of your teammates then perhaps two of them will be enough to at least grant me an audience with you.”

There was the taste of desperation in the air when Widow rejoined her group. He saw them snip at each other, the glances they sent at him speaking of distrust. Yet ultimately their curiosity got the better of them.

“You’re staying out here,” Stark said. “Like hell am I letting you into another one of my places.”

“Nor would I expect you to,” Loki agreed. 

“Banner,” the Widow insisted when it looked like Stark was about to snark back. “Why would you mention him?”

“Because he’s with Thor, and the rest of my people.” He glanced back at the twins who, until now had remained unscrutinised in the eyes of these Midgardians. Not now, and Loki heard the moment they saw the similarities between them and their beloved Thor. “Perhaps you should tell it,” he insisted, “I only know the end.”

So they did. Between them, and with Fenrir as added proof, they spun the tale of Hela and her army of the undead. When no answers of Banner came from them until the end, Loki added what he knew himself of the Hulk in Sakkar. Truthfully, he wasn’t as ingrained into the details of this story as he usually was. Many of the questions the Midgardians asked he didn’t know the answer to, and the ones he did didn’t show him in a favourable light.

“You destroyed your home world?” Stark barked, “And you want us to let you come to this one?”

“No,” Loki snorted. “Far from it.” He told them how Thor would most likely be coming here. “I, for one, would happily like to live out the rest of my days on Vanaheim. They have a library there that’s said to be like none other in the nine realms. It’s Thor that will be making his way here and Thor who we must stop.”

That metal hand was still aimed Loki’s way when Tony journeyed that little bit closer, “No offence but we like Thor. If he wants to come here I say let him. So bye. Don’t let the veil suffocate you on the way out or something.”

“Haven’t you been listening?” Loki snapped. “Ragnarok has been set in motion.”

“And your world is gone,” Stark repeated. “What’s that got to do with us? It’s over.”

“That’s what I thought,” Loki said. “But Ragnarok is the end of everything. That’s how it’s always been foretold. Not Asgard. Everything.”

“Set in motion,” the Widow repeated, she, at least, understanding why Loki was so panicked. “As in, still ongoing?”

“Frey is dead,” Loki listed, “Odin is gone, Asgard was destroyed in fire. Since Fenrir has no want to eat the sun and moon just yet that must mean something else needs to happen. Heimdall is with Thor, so my fate is secure, but if Thor sets foot on Midgard he is in grave danger.”

“He’s set foot here before,” Stark pointed out.

“That was before Ragnarok had been set into motion.” He thought of another way to explain it. Stark was a man of science so, “Think of it like a chain reaction. Frey was a simple, harmless liquid and Hela the catalyst. Everything is merging into one another, but in order for it to happen in the first place, the action beforehand must be completed. Thor could set foot onto Midgard before, because Hela was in her prison. Now she’s out and Asgard is gone… the prison.” she’d appeared on Midgard. There must have been a veil here somewhere to Helheim. One that had been blocked in some way. Perhaps just before the surface of Midgard, in a space where, say, a giant snake, could live and grow for thousands of years. “Thor’s going to die if he comes here.”

He knew Stark was a smart man, that he could read, somewhere, that Loki was telling the truth here. But, ultimately, “I just can’t trust you.”

Which meant, “I’m going to have to find someone that does then.” He wouldn’t work with Loki. Even if Loki entered into a shallow truce with the man he’d be questioned at every turn. They would be delayed more than working with Stark undermining everything Loki needed to do. So he turned to the twins, “You two stay here. Stark has food and lodging for both of you. I’ll come for you when I’m finished.”

“You’re leaving us?” Magni asked.

“It’s for the best.” They weren’t children. They weren’t dependent on Loki, and he didn’t need to be watching out for them if he had hope of finding the Captain before Thor reached Midgardian space. “It’ll be nicer than Jotunheim,” He bargained when the twins looked like they still may follow him when he turned to leave.

Thankfully it worked. The only ties they had to him were that of survival, and now someone else was capable of giving that protection to them they had no problem handing their reigns over. Still, they were respectful enough to give Loki a bow, and a formal farewell befitting his so called ‘status’.

“Come on then,” he told Fenrir as repulsors fired back up again.

“Whoah, whoah, whoah,” Stark cautioned. “You honestly don’t think I’m letting you leave right?”

“Stark,” he flicked his fingers, the energy draining out of Starks machines until he had two dead weights. “While I know our last battle has left you cocky with victory, perhaps you should question why it was so easy. And the answer, I’m sure you’ll find, is that I wanted to be caught, I just didn’t want it to look that way.” He waved his hand at Stark and the rest of his companions, “Take care of them.”

While the twins, he knew, he would be able to hand off, Fenrir was another matter. If what Loki suspected was true, and Fenrir believed this truth too, then abandoning him with mortals would not be winning him any favours in the father department. It wasn’t like Loki had the power to make Fenrir stay either. He wasn’t stupid. If Fenrir wished to come he would come, no matter what Loki told him.

So off they walked, leaving that damned car behind so Stark wouldn’t laugh himself stupid over Loki struggling to get the machine out of the compound. They picked up another one fast enough, and Loki took the time now he wasn’t being scrutinised by two young Thor’s to work out what Modi had done to make the device move the way he wished.

Magic, Fenrir barked at one point, and Loki was wanting to agree. But stubbornness won out, and eventually they were on the road, driving to the nearest airport.

With the delay before Loki would be stuck under Fenrir’s bulk for hours on end, he used the tracking spell he was want to use earlier and searched for the Captain. Somewhere he rattled the name off to the lady at the front desk and spent the next few hours researching so he would know just what was in store for him.

“Oh good, it’s hot.” He had never been a fan of the heat. When he’d been younger, he’d put it down to disliking the humidity that would make his hair curl and his mother drag him into the sun to ‘play with his friends on this nice day’. Now, with ice literally running through his veins it turned out he may have a good reason for disliking the heat.

It made staying in America with their unshadowed sun uncomfortable, and according to google weather it would be hotter in Spain. Wonderful. Just what he needed.

That wasn’t even taking into account that Fenrir could, potentially, be part Jotun as well. He had the added effect of fur too poor thing. It would not be a good few months for Fenrir.

The plane was awful, again, and their food just as bad. With his stomach growling for something substantial the two of them cleaned out the nearest restaurants they found before stealing a car that would hold Fenrir’s bulk and starting on the winding roads that would lead them to the Captain.

He didn’t have a plan if the Captain told him no too. Truthfully, he’d been banking on their want to help their friends to smooth the way for Loki’s plan. If this avenue went south just like Stark then Loki would be forced to do something drastic, and altogether awful for everyone on Midgard. Like talk to their politicians. Or go to that charleton for help.

If worse, truly, came to worse, he could always try taking over again. He hadn’t put his heart into his last attempt. He’d just been wanting to get back to Asgard truthfully. Away from Thanos and his mad ideology. Away from staring into dark nothing between torture sessions.

With his wits with him once more, taking over shouldn’t be a problem. The only thing was he’d rather not resort to that. He wasn’t planning on staying after all. Just long enough that he could make contact with Thor, perhaps send supplies up there, and open up a portal to Vanaheim where they could fight or rest peacefully while Hela rebuilt their home for them.

Once she did that was a different story. But until then this was his plan and he was sticking to it.

No thoughts of Jotunheim. Of the void or anything else that could delay him.

It took them almost a week to find the Captain. The man kept moving around, and by the time Loki managed to pin them long enough to catch up, he just knew it wasn’t because the man was enjoying a drink by the poolside.

The Widow was there, waiting for him outside of the rundown motel he’d tracked. “You beat me,” Loki accused lightly, hopping down into the stifling humidity. “Should have guessed you were playing both sides of this rift.”

A corner of her mouth tilted up, a smile if Loki had ever seen one, “You know about the fallout.”

“I’ve done my research.” Hence why he was confident in leaving Stark in search of another way. “Had to. Father always said to never go into something unprepared.” Advice that Loki tried to take to heart since, well, Odin was an awful not father, but his advice could be good at times. “You’ve warned him then.”

“Of course,” She agreed easily. “I’ve also told them to hear you out.”

He didn’t let surprise litter his features at her generosity. Mainly because he caught the ‘them’ she put in her sentence. Stark had his expanding team, Loki should have known the Captain would as well. 

“Is Thor really in danger?” The Widow asked. “Really Loki?”

“I wouldn’t be here if he wasn’t.”

“And Bruce? Banner,” She corrected. “He’s with Thor?”

“Last I knew,” Loki promised. “Everything was a bit hurried, but I distinctly remember the Hulk whining as Thor dragged him into the ship.”

Fenrir barked in agreement.

She considered him a moment longer before her head inclined just slightly. Helping Fenrir down, they followed her into the motel and up the narrow stairs to where two men were huddled around a sequence of maps. The Captain Loki recognised immediately. He didn’t look a day older than when they met, save for the beard that was growing in patchy around his mouth. The other one Loki had no recognition towards, and save for the glimpse of annoyance on the darker man’s face he didn’t know Loki that well either. 

“Captain,” Loki greeted, letting Fenrir brush past him to the fan that wasn’t doing a lick of help in this heat. “I trust you know why I’m here.”

Rogers looked up, his eyes glancing over Loki momentarily before going back to his map, “Natasha mentioned it.”

“Then you know I’m not here to do you harm. Merely use your knowledge and fame to convince your best scientists to send a message to Thor. I’d go to his Midgardian but Thor said they’d ‘broken up’ and I don’t particularly wish to get slapped again.”

There was a wry twist to all mouths present at that last comment. Perhaps a performance of slapstick was in his future if it removed the tension between himself and Midgard. 

Rogers turned, slightly, from his map, the look on his face telling Loki this wasn’t going to be good. “Look, as much as I would like to help Thor, I can’t. America doesn’t exactly want me there anymore. SHIELD is gone and I honestly don’t know how else I can help. Natasha’s been talking to Stark. Maybe if you went back-”

“He’s not going to help,” Loki insisted. “I’ve seen him with my own eyes, men like that, they hinder more than they help if they think it’s the right thing to do.”

“He’s right,” the Widow said.

Rogers shook his head, “Then you’re going to have to find someone else.”

“I have,” Loki said, pointedly staring at Rogers. 

“America-” Rogers tried again.

“It doesn’t have to be America. Honestly you Midgardians. This is why my father stationed governors in other worlds. You don’t have to go to ‘America’. If America isn’t listening then go somewhere else. The whole world doesn’t hate you Rogers. Someone will listen.”

“They’ll take me in for treason,” Rogers snapped. “I have plans, things I need to do I can’t do behind a cell-”

“And things you won’t be doing if we don’t stop Thor. You’re a smart man, you understand the bigger picture. Please,” He never thought he would get there, but there Loki was begging the Captain to helm. “Please, my home is gone. My family is gone, and if you don’t help me then our entire existence will be gone. I may have tried to kill myself before but even I’m smart enough to fear Ragnarok. It won’t be quick. It won’t be in your sleep, or a quick bullet in your head. We will suffer to our dying breath. Just like my people did.”

He wasn’t saying no because of his freedom. Loki knew that, he could tell just from looking at Rogers. He was making excuses because he simply didn’t know another way to help and thought sending Loki back Stark’s way would alleviate the guilt hanging in his eyes.

“Wakanda,” Interrupted them.

In almost a blink Rogers was back to his usual self. His mild, “Sam,” May have been staying the idea, but he was latching onto it nonetheless. 

This Sam must have known so as he repeated, “Wakanda,” into the room again. “They’re advanced enough they could build whatever thing he wants.”

“We’ve already imposed on him too much,” Rogers said, but he was folding the maps in front of him anyway.

“It’s not really imposing if it’s the end of the world,” Sam argued. “I don’t know about you but I do not like how he described my final hours if we just sit here and do nothing.”

“He’s not going to be very happy with us,” Rogers protested, more to push along the blame if he got in trouble with whoever this Wakanda was. “Especially when he sees…” he nodded Loki’s way.

“That’s if he even knows who the dude is,” Sam said. “No offence your princeliness or whatever but you’re not the most evil dude I’ve seen on my TV these past couple of years.”

“Thank you?”

“I’ll get the jet,” Natasha said.

Wonderful. More flying.

Rogers wasn’t the man Loki had thought he was. He learned that on their plane ride. Loki had assumed, seeing Fenrir buried in Loki’s lap he would garner a bit of sympathy off the man. Oh no. As soon as they were up in the air a few hours, he was watching Loki with a small smile on his mouth. When asked what was so funny, Rogers said, “Nothing. Just, the last time I saw you shitting your pants on a plane your brother popped down a second later to whoop your ass.”

“Well he’s not coming this time,” Loki hissed, and despite the small dip in Roger’s good humour at that comment and the thoughts it brought with it he was subject to a whole load of statistics and ‘common facts’ that did not make Loki feel at all better and had the Captain in stitches by the time they were nearing to land.

Wakanda, Loki’s first look at Wakanda, was like walking in a dream. For a moment, he could have sworn that the grass around him was soft under his feet, the air slightly warmer, with ale and sweet flowers carried in the scarce breeze. The fields around them stretched for miles, and had Loki not looked up, he would have said there would be a golden palace sitting on the horizon. 

“It’ll be a bit of a walk,” Natasha said, jostling him forward. “Hope you don’t mind.”

“Not at all.”

He heard them talking behind his back as they walked through the fields to the gleaming silver city. Sam was complaining, saying that last time they just landed in the capitol. Natasha wouldn’t admit out loud, but Loki knew she was making Loki walk for the hell of it, getting her kicks in when she could.

She was successful too. But not for the reason she was assuming. Walking was no hardship for him. He preferred walking to flying or running after Thor. He’d walked for years at one point, just wandering the realms for the fun of it. So he didn’t mind walking. 

It was the familiarity. The way that it tricked Loki’s mind into thinking he would look up and see Fandral holding a flower out to him, telling him he was prettier when he smiled. Or look to the pool and see Fandral almost drowning in it as Loki asked if he still thought Loki was pretty when he couldn’t breathe. How a bird would remind him of Hogun and how he would sit and watch as Loki and Fandral got into some mischief or other, keeping as their lookout as they went to steal Thor’s clothes while he took a dip in a hot spring. 

When they got closer to the city, to the people, he thought of Volstagg and his children. Of Sif who should be somewhere on Midgard, oblivious that Asgard was no more. He would have to find her before he left. He knew she hated him and him her, but even his hatred wasn’t powerful enough to deny an invitation to the new home they would make from her. 

It felt like as soon as they stepped into the city the green lands behind them disappeared. There was noise, smells and just generally life around him that helped him forget he’d been walking in a half dream for a few hours. 

The palace lay at the heart of the city instead of the edge like Odin had placed Asgards. These people didn’t put their safety above others it seemed. They made it a focal point, a place of refuge to run to instead of the last place to hit when an army attacked. 

It reminded him a bit of the dwarves forges, all this silver and machinery. Their hovercrafts flew in groups, some landing at the pad Loki stopped at as their hosts welcomed them in.

T’challa, as he introduced himself to Loki before Natasha pulled him aside, certainly looked like someone Thor would get along with. He smiled easily, or perhaps that was just for his friends, and generally exuded an air of welcome that only came from men that were comfortable in their own skin. Confident in their abilities as leaders. 

Whatever Natasha said earned Loki a wary look when T’challa turned back towards them once more. “You are welcome in Wakanda,” he said pointedly to Sam and Rogers. To Loki, and Fenrir since everyone was wary of the big wolf, he gave a curt nod Loki repeated back. “Prince Loki of Asgard.”

“Jotunheim,” Loki corrected. Asgard was no more, but Jotunheim still stood, and, after what he’d learnt, he was at least still a prince if not more in that realm. “And I hope that welcome extends to me.”

“You have not attacked my people,” yet, remained unsaid, but still there.

“No,” Loki agreed, and went on to give T’challa a bit of advice. “In the rest of the nine realms, and on Midgard at one time, it was polite to extend a guest welcome to any visitors. Think of it as a formal contract between two parties. The host extends his home and hearth while the traveller tells of his adventures. While the guest welcome is in place, neither party will raise a sword to another. Any disputes will be settled once the guests stay is over which is always up to the host to decide. Trust me when I say to break a guest welcome is one of the gravest sins any man or woman can make. Not even I have broken that oath.” Not even on Sakkar considering the Grand Master had never explicitly said Loki could stay. Merely, he let Loki linger around and pick at his food so long as Loki amused him. Their relationship was never even on the same level of respect a guest welcome initiated.

T’challa scrutinised him for a bit before a nod from Rogers had him saying, “Very well. I initiate this ‘guest welcome’.” 

It was crude, and not at all how it usually went. Usually it could be unsaid between the two parties so long as they were on the same lines. But it would do. “I thank you, as does Fenrir.”

“Yes,” T’challa said slowly, eyes glancing back to the wolf every few seconds, “He doesn’t eat people does he?”

Fenrir gave a happy rumble. “He says he has, but he won’t so long as he can sate his appetite on something else.” 

“Guest welcome?” T’challa confirmed.

“That and he’s already had indigestion from three… Asgardians already.” Loki hadn’t known about that. He wondered if he’d known them. “And rest assured I will refrain from eating your people too.”

T’challa laughed at that, “I’m sure you will.” 


	42. Chapter 42

T’challa led them inside and out of the scorching sun when he’d calmed. He showed them to a large apartment with beds enough to fit them all, and let them relax after their flight, telling them once he found out if they had a plate big enough for Fenrir that supper would be served at eight. To his credit he offered Loki a seperate room, especially since Fenrir looked to be spending his time in the air conditioning rather than in the fields, but Loki declined. He liked knowing where his enemies were, and it was easier hearing them move around if they were only a wall away.

“He can help?” Loki asked when T’challa walked out of sight.

“Hopefully,” Rogers agreed, the five of them lingering in the living area of their large apartment. “If not then you really are screwed.”

“Yes,” Wakanda did look to be the most furthered city he’d visited on Midgard. At least on this planet. 

“Well,” Sam announced, stretching wide, “I’m off for a shower. Wake me when your boyfriend inevitably shows up.”

Loki didn’t know who the man was talking to until he saw Rogers roll his eyes. “I didn’t think your people enjoyed that sort of pleasure anymore.” They certainly hadn’t when Loki had visited in his mid hundreds. Some new religion looked to be sucking all the fun out of every vice Loki liked.

It was nice to see the Captain could get riled, his face darkening until it was almost red as he explained, “He’s not, Buck’s just a friend.”

“I’m not judging,” Loki assured. “I enjoyed your orgies better when I didn’t have to change my form every time I wanted another partner.” While Asgard was known for its parties, he had to say they never truly got as wild and untamed as some Midgardian ones Loki had attended in his youth. Just thinking of them set his toes tingling.

“And how many of those partners did you eat when you were done with them?” Natasha asked, Loki figuring he should have known she would have caught his sincerity when no one else did.

“None,” Loki said quickly, then thought about it for a moment. “Well… a few. But, in my defence they were given as sacrifices in my name. Either I slit their throat while they were in the throes of ecstacy of some chieftain would in highly uncomfortable circumstances.”

Rogers barked out a laugh, one that fell silent as his eyes flickered between the two of them. “Wait you’re serious?”

“Yes?” Loki was going to have to read up on what they did and didn’t know about his kind. “Honestly I thought Thor would have told you at some point.”

“Thor eats people?” Rogers gasped.

Loki huffed a laugh, “You realise while we look alike we’re different species. I wouldn’t say you’re a delicacy among the nine realms but it’s no different eating you than it would be an elf.”

“Elves?” Rogers repeated.

“They’re Gods Steve,” Natasha sighed. “Our rules don’t apply to them.”

“But…” 

He retreated to his own chambers, Fenrir following along. He was glad to see he had his own bathing area, it meant he wouldn’t have to kick that Sam fellow out of the other one. The water was nice too, cooling his heatened skin.

At seven, there was a knock on the door, Loki poking his head out to see the Captain be engulfed by a man with one arm. The infamous Bucky said his hello’s, Loki sneaking back into his room so as not to disturb them.

He was there at supper however, sitting on the Captain’s right hand while Natasha debated for a moment to take his left or chance Loki and Fenrir’s side of the table. 

“That’s a big wolf,” Bucky said, his lack of fear telling more about his desensitisation than acceptance of the unusual. 

“His name is Fenrir,” Loki introduced.

“And you’re Loki then,” Bucky assumed, “I did some reading on you when Shuri told me you were here. Is he really…  _ your kid? _ ”

Loki glanced at Fenrir who was puffing his chest out. Whatever denials Loki may have once had were gone now as he saw how proud Fenrir was with Bucky’s question. “Yes.”

Silverware clattered, Loki glancing at more than one person, their hosts included, trying to get their heads around it. All except Bucky, who actually seemed excited as he asked, “How did that happen?”

“Not too sure,” Loki decided on. “I can change my shape,” He flickered into snake and back for them to prove so, “But, I’m afraid I don’t remember much of my early years.” He’d told Fenrir this, tried to explain it. The wolf sort of understood, even as he did still have expectations of Loki.

“Just… old age then?” 

“No,” Loki said, surprising himself when he admitted, “It turns out my early years were wiped from my memory.” He’d never wanted to speak of it before. But now he had, he found himself going on, “When I invaded New York, it was just shy a year earlier than I learned I was adopted. My father told me he stole me at birth to raise me alongside my brother Thor in the hopes we could establish peace between our realms. I believed him,” Loki laughed. “I really shouldn’t have but, I did. It made sense.”

“You weren’t then?” Bucky gathered.

“I’m not sure.” Everything was still so confusing. Was Loki raised with Thor and go to Jotunheim earlier because he discovered his heritage? Was that why his signature was there? Or was he raised on Jotunheim, introduced to his family when he was at the right aga and stolen later in life? He didn’t know. “Before I came here my home was destroyed. The plan was that I was to make it onto the ship before it departed. However, there were these twins, one of them was stuck…” He told them about rescuing the twins, taking them to Jotunheim and finding his handwriting. “I had finally come to terms with who I was before that. I’d actually forgiven my father for being next to useless. And now…”

“I know how that feels,” Bucky said, waving to his own head, “I’ve got these codes stuck up there. One wrong thing and I just-” He snapped his fingers. “I don’t remember much, just bits and pieces of before and inbetween. Sucks huh?”

“Definitely.”

A clap came from further down the table, a young lady with T’challa’s nose and none of his slack jaw announced, “You’re both being depressing and it’s putting me off my food.”

“Shur,” the lady next to her admonished.

But Bucky ran with it, Loki seeing a spark he’d often glimpsed in his own eyes as the man said, “Well if it’s putting you off your food, we’ll talk about something else.” Then turned to Loki, “So I heard you eat people.”

“Buck,” Rogers barked.

Drowned out by Sam’s, “Since when!”

“What?” Bucky shrugged, “Like you’re not curious.”

“Not out loud,” Steve said.

With a grin, “Well I am,” Bucky said and raised his eyebrows Loki’s way.

“Only when they’re gifts,” Loki confirmed.

“Yeah?” Bucky’s grin got bigger, “What’s it taste like?”

He thought back. It had truly been a while since he’d had a Midgardian. “Your kind is best when they’ve been doused in ale, drinking until they don’t know their lefts and rights. They’d often do it for the virgins, give them some courage for when the ‘trickster’ came to claim them.”

“So you raped them?” Bucky pressed.

“No.” He’d never raped anyone. “Rape is looked down upon in most realms. Every Midgardian that was given to me was willing. Sometimes even eager. It was a different time back then. Sometimes it was better for a quick death in hopes that a God may help their family or cause than to suffer.”

Bucky and Rogers shared a look Loki thought wouldn’t have been remiss on the twin’s faces. “Yeah,” Rogers said at last, “I get that.”

Bucky dived back into the conversation after a moment, this time with “What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever done for someone?” and that was how the night went.

Loki didn’t think he’d ever say this about one of Thor’s friends but he actually liked Bucky. It was probably because Bucky technically wasn’t one of Thor’s friends, just a friend of Thor’s friends. He certainly seemed to enjoy Loki’s company too, but Loki put it down to the fact that Loki was a stranger, one who didn’t know nor care at all about whatever he’d done in this realm since he wasn’t present for it. 

It garnered some attention as they were walking back, namely from Rogers who seemed to be in a constant glower, lingering behind as Bucky asked more and more questions about Loki’s former home. “Real gold?”

“I swear,” Loki promised, and waved his hands until an image of Asgard appeared between them. “The Allfather created it to prove he was the wealthiest and most powerful man in the nine. His forebearers may have ruled Asgard at one point, but only he has been capable of wielding the nine realms.”

“And it’s really all gone?”

“Not completely. I can show you one day if you wish? Hela is rebuilding. Like me, there were some crossed wires between us. I fear she knows more about my past than I do. Nevertheless, Asgard is still there, for now, and while our people will not want to go home to ruins, I for one quite like the idea of rebuilding.”

“Make something new,” Bucky agreed. “Something without history.”

“Or blood etched into its walls.”

Bucky had nowhere else he’d rather be as he took a seat and started in on his expectations of the future he was currently living in and how they were sorely not meeting up to them. “I thought there’d be more cool gizmos. Stark’s dad was working on a flying car before I was deployed yet, the only flying cars I find are on TV. They don’t even have them in Wakanda.” They had hovercrafts, Bucky explained, but it wasn’t the same as flying cars. 

He talked about aliens, and how they too, even Loki, wasn’t what he expected. “That’s because you’ve only seen a select few. I’m sure somewhere in the nine there will be a species that will pique your interest. Your kind hasn’t even seen a dragon yet despite Thor bringing more than one of them to Midgard when we snuck over.”

Dragons turned to trolls, and trolls to this stupid thing Steve did when he was a kid, “only I was the one who had to fetch Mrs Rogers cause this guy was too busy bleeding out to walk.”

When fatigue finally caught up with Loki he could gladly say Bucky was one of the most pleasant Midgardians he’d met in this century. However, eventually the night had to come to a close, which it did with Fenrir whining loudly in Loki's ear that it was time for bed. He d been coddling the wolf lately, and as much as Loki would like to think Hela may have merely ignored Fenrir in their time together he knew different. Fenrir was a pack wolf now and that meant the pack slept together. He was content to drift off when the twins were with him, for some reason. But here, alone again with just Loki that was familiar he was refusing to bed down by himself. 

A good thing really since he was sure Rogers was one more laugh from Bucky away from demanding holmgang. So he bid them goodnight and followed Fenrir to their comfortable bed and the obliviousness of sleep. 

He made his case the next day, following Bucky who had taken it upon himself to be Loki's guide to the science department. It... was exactly what Loki would imagine a Midgardian lab to look like. Heavy machinery, holographic screens, even the dwarves didn’t use some of the tools that hung on this rooms walls and they were known to use next to everything. 

Shuri , who he met last night at supper and got a glowing recommendation from Bucky on their way there, greeted them. “Just don’t put your feet on any of my equipment and we’ll get along great. Now what’s this about a space telephone?” 

“Not exactly a telephone. You view each other over hologram. Something you should be capable of.” He’d seen their technology they were certainly advanced enough.  

Shuri  laughed like the idea she couldn’t do so was hilarious. “So Loki,” she scooted over to where one of her holograms were already pushing out schematics. “Are there really dwarves out there that build weapons? Like dwarves as in species?” 

“Not just weapons,” which was how Loki spent the next few hours enlightening the girl about Midgards placement in the nine. “I’m not meaning to insult you. But the fact is that you are still children compared to the rest of the nine. Even the beings on other planets in your realm are still catching up.” 

“Says the man wearing drapes,” Bucky snorted. 

“They’re very comfortable drapes,” there was No point in arguing the specifics of his dress, they were only going to make fun of it no matter what he said. “And practical. I can lounge, conceal weapons and functionally fight in my garb. Can the same be said for yours?” 

Bucky's face twisted as he glanced down at his ‘jeans’.  

“You’ll find that every realm has been where you are now. The fact is however that we moved on from it. We adapted to our environment to our fullest potential.” It would have been even fuller had Odin not decided to keep some things for himself. Loki had worked out from a young age that the reason his magic was looked down on was because Odin purposefully made a point of speaking it’s inferiority at regular intervals. The masses always followed their leader and Odin took advantage of that. He made Asgard shy away from specific works just so no one would be able to surpass him in power.  

“So these dwarves...” Shuri herded back. 

“They’re extremely volatile if you don’t keep them happy or pique their interest. No place for you.” He knew he could at least which was something he d been worried about not even a week ago. 

“Because I'm a girl?” Shuri sneered. 

“Because you would be trying to steal their work for your own,” Loki corrected. “Your gender means nothing to me. The most fearsome warriors I’ve known are women. But as an intellectual I understand that your curiosity will lead you to attempt to replicate what you see there on Midgard.” He shook his finger. “Big mistake. Their work is unique and they intend to keep it that way.” 

Shuri relaxed from her affront. “I’d still like to see it.” 

“Maybe Vanaheim?” Loki placated. “They’re less concerned with their science being replicated. They’re more interested in their magics.” 

“I’d like to see that,” Bucky piped in. 

He told himself he would bring them. Them and Rogers. When Loki dragged Thor to Vanaheim he would most likely only stay so long as Loki kept him happy and a happy Thor now enjoyed his Midgardians so Midgardians Loki would bring until Thor's interest waned once more. 

By the time he finished in Shuri’s lab he’d promised them a trip to every realm he could think of save the dwarves. He also managed to see the finished schematics to a device that would, thankfully, be able to reach Thor’s ship when they came into orbit.

He felt lighter when he stepped out of that place. Calmer. Things were back on track, and so long as nothing drastic happened between now and when Thor appeared he would be drinking elven wine and settling a peace treaty with Vanaheim come fall.

With his spirits high, he sought out Fenrir, the two of them retreating to the falls they’d spied on their way here. For the rest of their sunlit hours they spent it cooling off beneath the water, Loki helping Fenrir chase some animals when swimming became a bore. Lying on the warm grass as dusk came, Loki could almost imagine he was back in Asgard. 

“There were good times,” Loki told Fenrir. Well, told himself, Fenrir was just there, panting in the heat, he certainly wasn’t starting conversation. “I mean, of course there were good times,” he scoffed. “The best prison is the one you don’t know you’re in. Odin played his part well enough anyway.” He sighed, stretching his toes until they tickled the grass beneath them. “I can’t help but wonder if it was all a game though. If he cared, somewhat, about me. There were times he had to, right?”

Fenrir snuffled, not really caring about his adoptive grandfather. He made a few grumbles, Loki understanding that Fenrir hadn’t met the man overmuch when Fenrir had been in Asgard last. Mostly he’d stayed in the forest behind the palace, ate what the Einherjar gave him and waited for Loki to visit. 

That, and, he made sure Loki knew, he saw Thor. He didn’t like Thor. 

“Why?”

Fenrir whined, the noise painful to hear. 

“I’m sorry,” Loki offered. “He’s hurt me too if it’s any consolation.”

A few more general movements came off Fenrir, speaking of Thor being the ultimate betrayer. Loki’s mate he called Thor, and something about that specific title had Loki dwelling.

He’d never told Fenrir he and Thor were lovers. They hadn’t been for years now, not since Thor’s failed coronation. Fenrir hadn’t been around then. He had been around for before then. Before Loki’s memory got tainted by whatever Odin had pushed inside. 

Mates Fenrir had called them. Which meant, the Loki of before had found Thor.

Well, this at least explained Loki’s unnatural attraction to his so called brother. He’d always found it odd that he would even contemplate something like sleeping with Thor, the notion, usually, frowned upon if not preserving the royal bloodline. But, with this new context, it could almost be described as an imprint left over from his previous life. 

He felt his lips upturn. Hah! Odin had done his best to destroy what had been of Loki, but still something seeped through. Granted, Loki would have liked something else, maybe the feeling that Odin wasn’t all he cracked up to be. But, he would take what he could get because this was a victory. Loki had won. It was a minor victory sure, yet a victory all the same. 

“Was he a good mate?” Loki asked, completely forgetting Fenrir’s mood until the growl brought his attention to it. 

He was okay, Loki gathered. Fenrir didn’t see Thor outright strike Loki, but, he said, often Loki preferred Fenrir to Thor. 

Loki didn’t know whether that was simple jealousy talking of if their relationship had been that tumultuous. He doubted he would ever know too. Nothing beyond Fenrir’s many examples of times Loki had hidden with Fenrir to escape Thor.

Not good enough, Fenrir decided on.

“Well, he’s changed,” Loki said, planting a kiss on Fenrir’s snout, “You’ll come to see that.”

Fenrir gave a huff, his position clear that he wasn’t giving Thor any chances.

“You’re going to have to be civil to him at least,” Loki decided. It was easier than negotiating Fenrir’s peace then having the wolf turn around and bite Thor’s head off because Loki had his guard down. “Mate or not he’s the leader of our pack,” Loathe as Loki was to admit it, “Which means we have to tolerate him.”

Fenrir grumbled. He grumbled the whole way back to the palace, and all through supper. He didn’t want to tolerate Thor. He didn’t want to be in the same room as Thor, and again, when Loki asked all he got was diverted eyes and a mess of confusion. 

It got to the point where, that night, instead of indulging Bucky in more tales of summers past, he sat himself in front of Fenrir and asked, “Can you show me?” he held his hand up, meaning clear, “If you can’t tell me, at least show me. Perhaps then I can understand.”

Fenrir shook his head, retreating to their room in a mood. Loki let him go, sliding onto the couch and accepting the weak Midgardian drink that had been left for him. 

The others were all amusing themselves. Sam and Natasha exploring the technology of this place in front of the wide screen while the Captain tried to cajole Bucky into some conversation. Something he seemed to be unsuccessful at. It was dull to watch, and if Fenrir weren’t wanting some time alone Loki would have paid it no mind. But he respected Fenrir’s wishes, much more than he did these peoples, and since there was no literature about, he watched and waited for Bucky to be alone once more in hopes he would still like to hear some stories of times before he was even a thought in his parents minds. 

However, Fenrir was out before that. Slotting his chin on Loki’s knee he gave a whine that was as close to a whine as Loki was going to get out loud. “It won’t hurt,” Loki promised, extending his fingers to a point on Fenrir’s head.

The inside of an animals head was different to that of a humanoid species. There were differences in everyone’s minds, of course, but an animals was simpler. They saw things as they happened and very little did they have think things around what was going on at the time. There were flashes here and there, pangs of hunger, or fatigue, but no commentary on whether Lady Sif had worn that chainmail to the last feast she’d been to as well. 

Loki had expected Fenrir’s to be along those lines too, yet he was vastly mistaken. Loki knew Fenrir was intelligent, but until he pierced the beginnings of his memory he didn’t know that Fenrir’s intelligence went beyond what Loki first imagined it would be. 

He felt sick at that first glance, and it only got worse as Fenrir showed Loki what he’d been reluctant to before. 

He’d been telling the truth about his confusion. In the scene he showed Loki, he was sitting patiently, for Loki to return. He’d went to speak with Hela, Fenrir knew, and the next there was pain in his skull and Thor who had slowed them down the whole way there was rearing his hand up for another strike with mjolnir. It came before Fenrir could move, and then another and another as Fenrir struggled to think, to remember he had to move, to fight, to do something other than lie there and-

“I’m sorry.” He felt his throat seizing, bile swallowing itself back down as he scrambled to the floor, “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry.” His arms didn’t even fit around Fenrir’s neck. He had to settle them as wide as he could get them, his throat only capable of saying, “I’m so sorry,” as he worked on not weeping himself stupid. He wouldn’t do that to Fenrir. He’d already failed so far as a father. He wouldn’t do it again. He wouldn’t let Fenrir suffer.

Whatever game fate had thought up for him really hadn’t held back. It wasn’t fair. Not to him, and certainly not to Fenrir. 

How dare the fates create Fenrir. How dare they tether him to the body of an animal. One that couldn’t express himself the way he wanted. That was limited in grunts and whines. That was feared everywhere he went because of his unnatural size and precursors of his breed. 

That wasn’t an animals mind Loki had went into. It was a boys. A child that was happy to be back with his father. One that thought the same as any child Loki would encounter. That was curious about the world, and confused as to why he couldn’t learn the same as those around him. 

He’d told Loki he could read, and of course he could read. Why would he be unable to read? He had eyes, he had a mind, he could look and understand the only thing he couldn’t do was express what it was he was learning. He couldn’t ask aloud for what he wanted. He had to rely on what Loki could make out in their instinctual understanding of one another. 

They had trapped a child in the body of a beast and Loki hated himself for even being a part of this creation.

It was no wonder Fenrir would do his part. If fate had panned out exactly how it was written then why wouldn’t Fenrir eat the sun? What love had he of it? Of any of the realms that had chained him in fur and then in chains themselves. He hadn’t asked for any of this, and nor could he defend himself from it.

Fenrir didn’t like Loki’s pity. After stomping his feet for a while he pulled away and went back in a strop back to their room. It was just as well because Loki didn’t think he could hold in his bile much longer. He thought it would pass. But every time it did Thor’s face reared its head, or he wondered what Fenrir was truly thinking, feeling and it came back, sitting at the back of his throat just waiting for something to tip it over the edge. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys get an extra chapter again, yay! Mainly because I wanted to do a little poll. If you guys could comment me, I'm at the stage now where the ending is in sight, so, do you want a:  
> happy ending,   
> sad ending,   
> or a disappointing yet still hopeful ending
> 
> Let me know. This time, I'm willing to consider writing fluff to end my story.


	43. Chapter 43

He knew he’d made a scene in front of the mortals. His hiding in Sam’s bathing room didn’t help things, and by the time it had gotten late enough for them to be thinking he was plotting some kind of mischief they’d banded together to have the Widow break in and drag him out.

“Just go to sleep,” She huffed, shoving him none too kindly to his door. “One loud noise and I’m sticking a dagger in you.”

“Not if I get you first,” Loki had the presence of mind to mutter before crawling into bed and doing his best to cuddle Fenrir.

He was more attentive in the morning. With their limited ways of communication Loki could only guess so much, but he saw a change in Fenrir’s mood regardless and thought he must be doing something right. That, or it was just the attention. Being seperated from a parent after getting ones head caved in would make anyone clingy. 

He didn’t leave Fenrir to his own devices. Instead he brought the boy with him as he checked on Shuri’s progress and invited him to have a gander at what so and so device did. 

Shuri wasn’t too pleased having an animal in her lab. But once Loki promised Fenrir would behave himself, and had proof of this behaviour when Fenrir did nothing more than sit and watch, she left them to it.

Education, or at least learning about something himself, had always been one of Loki’s strong suits. He’d liked nothing better than disappearing into the library for hours on end, or begging his mother to bring him to Vanaheim with her when she went so look through the books there. Therefore, teaching he may not be the best at, but pointing Fenrir in the right direction of things or people that could he was capable of.

Fenrir wasn’t stupid, he picked things up as fast as he could, something a boy with the drive to learn but not the means had to teach himself when opportunities like this came about. It made Loki wonder what he’d been doing with the boy when he’d known about him. Whether he’d left Fenrir to his own wolfly desires, or tried to bring him up like Loki would an Aesir looking child. He wondered if his past self even had paternal emotions. He wondered a lot about his past self.

“When we get to Vanaheim,” Loki promised him, “They have a library full of magic. I’ll find a spell in there for you. So you can change your shape. If that’s what you wish.”

Fenrir didn’t know, and Loki didn’t expect him to. It was a decision he’d probably never considered before. Since this shape was what he knew too, was familiar with, it would take a while for Fenrir to make up his mind.

Loki would wait, and if Fenrir decided he wished to stay a wolf, he would accept that too. It would just mean he had to find some other way of communicating properly with the boy.

The mortals caught up with them when they ventured from the palace again. Fenrir wished to stretch his legs, and Loki had to agree seeing the wilds of Wakanda again would be pleasant. Someone, he had a feeling, had tipped the mortals off as soon as Loki and Fenrir left, since they hadn’t even reached the grass before a shield flew over their heads.

The captain jogged to their side, glancing at Fenrir. “I thought he would have fetched it,” he offered.

“He’s not a dog,” Loki sneered. 

They strode purposely past it, Fenrir bounding ahead as soon as he saw the expanse of land open up for him. The captain joined Loki’s side again after a moment, his newfound shield not bearing his usual star in hand. 

“Was there something you wanted?” Loki asked when the Captain certainly didn’t.

Rogers shrugged, swinging his shield slightly, “Just fancied a walk, same as you.”

Babysitting then. Typical. They probably should have sent the Widow however. She, at least, was adequate company, and wouldn’t strike up needless conversation.

Such as, “So you and Buck seem to like each other.”

If he wouldn’t get punched for rolling his eyes they would be skyward and back three times over by now. “I’m not getting involved.”

“I never asked you to,” Rogers huffed. Still he strode next to Loki anyway, and after a moment in which he thought Loki might be more amenable, he said, “Has he said anything to you about being here? How they’re treating him?”

“What part of not getting involved is not getting translated?” He said it in english, a language he took pains to learn these past few years, just in case he started sounding like the buffoon Thor sometimes did when the Allspeak failed. 

“This isn’t getting involved,” Rogers insisted. “I just wanna know if he’s said anything.”

“Then ask him.” It wasn’t hard, all he had to do was open his mouth like he was now.

“I have.” 

“Then why are you asking me?”

“Because he talks to you!” Rogers snapped. His shoulders slumped as soon as he did, so Loki knew he wasn’t going to get hit. “He doesn’t talk to me. I thought it was the…” he side eyed Loki before muttering, “brainwashing. But, apparently not. He just, doesn’t want to talk to me.”

“Are we actually having this conversation?”

“I mean, I get it, we have history,” Rogers continued, like Loki wasn’t even there. He was starting to think maybe Rogers hadn’t sought him out to watch but to vent. Who better to talk to than someone who doesn’t care? It was why many idiots monologued, and eventually got themselves bashed into the floor. Loki included. Although, he’d been counting on that at the time. “Some things he’s not gonna want me to know. But we don’t have to talk about that. Hell, even if he told me what he had for breakfast I think I’d be thankful. I’m not asking for much.”

He regretted the moment the snort ever left his mouth.

As soon as it did he had Captain Rogers rounding on him, walking backwards with that righteous look on his face, like Loki was just a pest he hadn’t expected to talk back to him. “What?”

This time he did roll his eyes, “You.” he pushed past Roger’s bulk easily, reminding him of the two of them who would be toppling who if it came down to it.

“What about me?”

He groaned, “Nothing. Now leave me.” 

The captain didn’t. All afternoon Loki heard about his gripe with Bucky, and for a man who was adamant that there wasn’t a spark between himself and another man he was definitely not doing his best to dissuade Loki of this notion. He told the Widow so as soon as he returned. She was involved in this mess, and it should be her that had to suffer this lovers tiff. He knew he wasn’t their best friend that instant, and nor did he wish to be, so best to leave it to someone who was.

“What does he expect me to do?” Loki found himself demanding later. “Tell him it’s all going to be fine? Why am I even entertaining this question?”

Bucky shrugged from his perch on the bed. He’d hidden in here after the movie the others were watching started with their needless explosions. “Dunno why he’s even involving you.”

“I know,” Loki griped. “I’m not here to solve your problems, you’re here to solve mine.”

Bucky made a face, but didn’t outwardly disagree with that statement. “Is Fenrir okay then?” He said instead, the man smart enough to know when to change the subject. Loki could be ranting all night if given the chance.

“Fine. Why wouldn’t he be?”

Bucky peered around Loki’s pacing body to where the door was just slightly ajar. The wolf could be spied amongst the others, Loki not thinking the movie completely age appropriate. But since Fenrir spent almost a month ago tearing Asgardians apart, Loki hadn’t put up a fuss when the wolf had sat down next to the mortals. 

Bucky reclined once more when he was sure the others weren’t listening. “You seemed a little upset last night. Steve said you did some magic thing, but even he didn’t know why you were crying. Nat thought you were up to something.”

“She always thinks I’m up to something,” Loki muttered. “Rightly so too. Shows at least one of you has a brain.”

Bucky snorted, laying back further on the bed, “You’re not here to hurt us.”

“And you’re so sure?”

Bucky nodded, “I’ve learned to read people in my many years alive. I know you’re not here to hurt us. Well, not if you’re not provoked. I told Steve that too,” he said like that made any difference at all.

“My thanks,” Loki said all the same. “And I’m fine. Just learned some things I’d rather have not.”

Bucky was smart enough not to ask, and instead filled the air with idle chatter about a bird he saw the other day. One he was sure bore a resemblance to Sam in the other room. Loki didn’t get the joke, he hadn’t known humans could shape change, and listened to Bucky explain that it was more for Sam’s monicker than his form. The man wasn’t here for laughs, the least Loki could do was make sure whatever upset him in the other room didn’t do so here.

Just because he didn’t care about these mortals didn’t mean he was unbothered. He knew well enough how hard it was to sleep some nights. Or to even stay still when the sound of knives grating against metal sent his skin recoiling. 

He paced until his feet started to hurt, and only then, when it looked like Bucky truly wasn’t moving, did Loki delicately sit on his sheets. 

“What are you going to do now then?” Bucky asked.

“Now?” As soon as Bucky left he was going to sleep.

Bucky himself was shifting up towards Loki’s headboard. “Well, Shuri’s going to build your device. One of us can give Thor whatever message you like too. Way I see it there’s nothing keeping you here, so what now?”

Huh.

He’d actually not thought of it in terms of that. Bucky, might have a point. “He might not believe you,” Loki tried, but even he knew Thor would. Thor always believed his friends, and so long as Loki gave the Midgardians more than one reason not to let Thor and the Asgardians land here, then he would be off to Vanaheim within the hour. 

“You could always sight see,” Bucky suggested.

Loki scoffed, “Midgard is not the wonder you think it is. Well, not anymore.”

“There are other planets,” Bucky laughed. “I didn’t mean here. Thor’s going to take a while to get to Vanaheim right? So what are you going to do until then? Go negotiate? Go drinking? Dancing? Whatever it is your kind does for fun?”

“I…” there was one thing he wanted to do. “Don’t know,” he decided on. If he did, do that, there was no telling whether he would see Thor again. Not as the same man anyway, and that was sort of the point of it all. Loki, kind of liked who he was now. He didn’t hate himself certainly. Not like he did. 

“What about the snake? What’s gonna happen with him? I mean, is it really under the surface of the earth? Like, really?”

“Jormungandr,” Loki said, the name feeling odd on his tongue. He wondered how his other self came up with these names. Whether he had at all. Fenrir he knew, but, Fenrir hadn’t mentioned his brother. Not even when Loki told him they were going to stop Thor from being destroyed by him, something the boy should have been all for after what Loki had seen. “I suspect so. I... may have an idea where he is.”

“And you can’t move him?” Bucky asked. “Is it like that story of when Thor wrestled that giant? Will the earth destroy itself?”

My Bucky truly had done his reading. “I’m not sure. This is all so new to me. Trust me, when I say, before all this, my life was nothing but minor chaos and occasionally usurping people.”

“Why does he want to kill Thor?” Bucky went on. 

Loki shrugged. “Fenrir I understand. But Jormungandr, I’m not sure he’s ever even met Thor. Unless he’s more beast than giant, and even then I could probably reason with him, I don’t know why he would want to harm Thor.”

“So, couldn’t you just ask him nicely not to and Thor could come here anyway?” A rather appropriate question, and one Loki had entertained before surprisingly enough.

“Here’s the thing,” Loki started pacing again, he couldn’t help it, this was just how his brain liked to work sometimes when it got a bit annoyed. “Ragnarok is a sequence of events. No matter how much we might push it away, it will inevitably come to fruition. My herding Thor away is merely prolonging what will happen. Now, you may be right that we can persuade Jormungandr to not attack Thor when he lands. But for how long?” He ended up going to Shuri’s lab and ‘borrowing’ a whiteboard to help explain things. 

It might be true that Loki could go down there and talk to Jormungandr, but, eventually, something would happen and Thor would die. It had been written and therefore would come about, history had proven so. Was it not Loki that destroyed Asgard like in the  _ Edda? _ Was it not Sutur that had destroyed Frey? That Fenrir and Jormungandr were born? That Hela had rained fire upon Asgard, even if that, as well, had been of Loki’s doing? 

This had happened, it had been written and it had happened. Now, other things in that book may not have come to be, but who was Loki to pick and choose what future would come about.

“Something will set whatever will happen in motion,” Loki rounded off with. “Odin made sure I would bring about Ragnarok by wiping my memories, removing what prior knowledge I’d had of his plan. Somehow, despite our best efforts, Thor may end up in Jormungandr’s grasp.”

“So what use is it to send him away when it’s just gonna happen?” Bucky asked.

“The use is that we can delay it further if Thor is not on Midgard. Even if it’s the months travelling to Vanaheim before he slips through a veil and destroys Midgard, it’ll be a few more months won’t it.”

Bucky made a face, but even he eventually nodded. “End of the world,” he said to himself.

“It’s a depressing thought I know.”

“Don’t suppose I can hitch a ride to Vanaheim?” 

Loki made a face, “I’ll consider it. You’re not my least favourite terran.”

Bucky clutched his heart, making kissy faces Loki’s way. Ones that didn’t win him any points for Loki’s affection. Moron.

He stretched his legs out, yanking Loki when he got close enough to stop his pacing and prove at least Bucky wasn’t adverse to sharing close quarters. A strange notion considering what Loki had learned of Bucky’s past, but, again, Loki was a stranger, and truly if Bucky thought him harmless, what use was it to keep him at arms length. 

“Guess we’ll have to start making spaceships,” Bucky grinned. “Thought they would have them already by now. Proper ones too, like the kind your brother’s probably in. It’ll be nice to see.”

“And where are you going to go in them?” Loki wondered.

Bucky shrugged, “Mars maybe. There was this book when I was growing up about martians. I read a few articles while Shuri was scanning my brain the other day saying they think we can set up a colony.”

“Why Mars?” There were other, much better planets out there.

Bucky just shrugged again. “Gotta go somewhere when the earth dies.”

When the earth… “Bucky, when I say Midgard, do you think I just mean your world?”

His nose scrunched up, “We’re Midgard right?”

“Yes,” Loki said slowly, “But so is every other planet in your realm. Including Mars.”

In seconds Loki watched the colour drain from Bucky’s face. “Wait,” he shot up, “How- if Thor gets here- how long do we have?”

“I’m… not sure,” Loki said again. “Was that your backup plan?” He asked, even when he knew it was. It was probably the whole of earth's backup plan. If their world kicked it, they would go to another one. A one their ships could get to, and considering their rudimentary science, that wasn’t far. 

Bucky’s eyes kept getting wider until he was taking deep breaths, “I gotta-”

“Yes,” Loki agreed when he didn’t continue. “I’d think you’d best.”

He wasn’t surprised to wake to people scurrying through the hallways. Shuri had anyone and everyone on her project, telling them they needed to get this done and fast. Loki got his orders right after breakfast, a meek boy waiting to hand him a note tell him to meet Shuri in her lab.

His roommates were present and all looking a different shade of betrayed as Shuri asked him to explain the nine realms to them all. It was apparent that it wasn’t merely Bucky that had thought the earth was merely what Loki called Midgard. They had all been thinking backup plans to nearby planets should Loki’s plans go through or prove to be nothing but a trick. What a shock it must have been to them to realise that Loki was right when he said this was a serious matter.

“Asgard was destroyed,” he reminded them. “As in, the entire realm. The realm eternal is the only planet still standing. Although,” he thought, “Perhaps at a moment in time in which I was absent that was not so.” he wasn’t too sure, not being there and all. Regardless, “Hela is there now. Asgard is always the first to be reborn. It never truly dies, merely washes over what was once there and builds upon its ashes.”

“But the rest of it?” the Widow asked, “It’s all gone?”

Loki nodded. He pointed to the digital map someone had constructed rather crudely of Asgard and its surrounding planets. They must have gotten some information from Thor, for while it was at some parts inaccurate, the number of planets were right, and Asgard’s placement amongst them right too. “Right here,” he pointed to, “Was a planet of wild things. Animals that Odin had driven from our lands early in his reign and exiled them to live alone and isolated from the other planets.” The bilgesnipe were the only creatures to sneak off this planet. The rest Loki didn’t even know their names. Odin had made sure to wipe them from their history books. Even the banned ones. “It’s gone now. They all are.”

“And the others?” the Widow pressed a few buttons and an actual tree popped up in front of him. “These realms, are they still there?”

“Vanaheim will be last,” He answered, since that was what they were truly asking. “The Vanir are our oldest allies and our oldest enemies. Ordinarily, I would say Jotunheim would be last. But Jotunheim has been dying since my father stole their casket. With it destroyed, I suspect Jotunheim will be the next one to fall to Ragnarok.” How it wasn’t the first he still wasn’t too sure. The whole realm was barren. Living off scraps. Even Utgard, ransacked as it was as the giants left, Loki didn’t think it would look any better with the giants living there. Odin had taken so much from them. Too much. “Jotunheim will be first to be reborn however. So as soon as Vanaheim begins to fall I will be hiding in Asgard before making my way back there.”

“Just slipping your way through the universe,” Rogers muttered.

“I’ve done my part,” Loki snapped. “I’ve done what was written. Since there’s nothing else with my name to it, I think I have a right to sneak away while the rest of you die.” At least until Heimdall found him. 

“Steve,” Bucky warned, which seemed to actually stop the man in his tracks. Perhaps Loki had made a more valuable ally than he first imagined. “Look, all we gotta do is delay Thor, right?” 

“Right,” Loki agreed. “Ragnarok will happen. But it doesn’t have to in your lifetime. It may be another millenia before Midgard collapses. So long as we keep Thor away, you will have time to journey to another realm. But,” he warned, as he had to. “Things do end. Everything ends. Ragnarok makes sure of it. Just like it rebirths it afterwards. You can’t stop fate forever.”

“But you’re gonna try,” Rogers said.

Loki shrugged, plastering on his best smile, “It’s all I can do. And all you’re going to do. Whether we both survive is something we’re going to have to see.”

It was all hands after that. They had to make everything airtight. That meant T’challa being booted to the U.N. to argue against the idea of Asgardians seeking refuge on Earth. Loki knew the man would have his work cut out for him. As well as being a hero to the people, the Asgardians had knowledge that humans could only dream of. It was an argument Loki was going to be using on the Vanir as soon as he could. So dissuading these mortals of this spoil was going to be hard.

The rest of them were left debating whether they should try calling Stark again, or some other scientists for opinions on space travel. Loki, instead of taking another walk, was dragged into Shuri’s manic world of science. Despite needing to kick Thor out of Midgard, she wasn’t happy with leaving the Asgardians with nothing, and neither was Loki. They needed a way to get supplies up to them, and perhaps the Hulk down, which meant at least a small rocket, and Thor closer to earths atmosphere than anyone would have liked.

“He’s safe in space though right?” Shuri asked for the eighteenth time.

“Yes. Jormungandr is underground. So long as Thor doesn’t step foot on any of your planets we should be safe.” It was easier to say underground than trapped in a veil that was almost always found in some kind of earthly space. Very rarely did they pop someone out amongst the stars.


	44. Chapter 44

He was held hostage for days in Shuri’s lab. Hostage because he had complete faith that these Midgardians would be capable of warding Thor off now they had just cause to do so. Also because he’d been thinking more on what Bucky had asked of him. What he was going to do. He had options. Things he needed to put in place. People he needed to see. The problem would be slipping away without the Midgardians thinking he’d betrayed them and decide not to help him. 

Also to get the twins back from Stark, and just thinking of the twins reminded him of other things he needed to do. Like find them a home, and a job. Maybe a pet, something to distract them from Loki as he wandered off. 

He started to get restless after another few days. By the weeks end he was climbing the walls and beginning to regret the guest welcome he’d put himself under.

He should have waited a while longer in Jotunheim before coming here. Perhaps he should have actually explored Jotunheim instead of trusting his gut and the veils that seemed ingrained in the fabric of the universe. Perhaps he should have had more faith in the humans, that was what it came down to. He should have known, had he phrased it right, and met little to no complications that he would be standing in front of an already half built radio dish with nothing to do.

Humbling, he believed his mother had called this feeling. Loki was humbled right now with how easy it was to get things done sometimes if he had faith in those around him. Had she been with him now she would be laughing in his face that he’d rushed all the way to Midgard inly to find himself bored. 

He missed her dearly.

“I suppose we should go to Vanaheim,” Loki said one morning. 

Fenrir’s tail gave a swish and nothing more. He wasn’t too bothered what happened or where they went. He hadn’t made up his mind yet about Loki’s proposition, that was for sure, and since Wakanda had wonders alike to keep him busy, Fenrir wasn’t in a hurry to leave.

“It’s just that we’re useless here,” Loki mumbled. “Less than useless. The Midgardians don’t want us here, well, me here.” They hadn’t been too bothered about Fenrir yet. Not until it came to feeding him, and even then their complaints were kept silent in favour of admonishing Loki for his large appetite. “We have nothing to do. We may as well move on. Find our new home.” Or maybe our old one, the traitorous part of Loki whispered. The one that kept him up at night, feeding him dreams of what might have been, what he didn’t know could have been. 

Were they memories? Dreams? Simple idle wishes? He wasn’t sure, and the more he dwelled on it the more he wanted to know. The more he needed to know. 

As much as Loki would have liked Fenrir to have the answers, he didn’t. It had been a trial, urging himself into asking, once more, whether Loki could peek inside Fenrir’s memories. He’d spun it as best he could, and felt awful for doing so. He shouldn’t have had to carefully phrase invading someone’s mind. He’d never done so before. But, as much as Loki didn’t know Fenrir, he did at the same time. He felt in his gut that he didn’t wish harm upon him, and apparently his brain got that message too since it advised him to pose his question as a way to, not get to know Fenrir better, but to measure himself up to the man Fenrir had last saw him as.

Fenrir himself thought this was a brilliant idea. This way, according to Fenrir, Loki could learn how Fenrir really liked his belly scratched. A sad thought for one so intelligent as Fenrir, but, it made him happy, and Loki couldn’t deny, he rather liked his belly scratched too. He’d tricked Thor’s mortal companions into doing it more than once since reuniting with them. Bucky, he’d learned, was the best. He often got lost in his own thoughts, and instead of stopping like his companions, his hand methodically kept on moving.

“Maybe we should take him with us,” Loki mused out loud. He could do with a belly scratcher. Bucky wanted to see the nine too. It could work out.

Well, before the Captain found out and inevitably called Thor to beam him up and track the two of them down. Who knows how that call would go to. He’d probably call Thor to earth, which meant Jormungandr would get Thor. So, perhaps taking Bucky wasn’t the best option.

The rest of it however, that wasn’t completely out of the question now they had time. It would still be another month or so before Thor reached earth, and then at least three before he got to Vanaheim from here. Plenty of time to go searching for whoever was still alive on Jotunheim.

Fenrir had painted an interesting picture anyway. He hadn’t seen much, of that he was telling the truth, but of what he had, the man that wore Loki’s face wasn’t unfamiliar. 

This past him, he wore his hair short, like Loki used to. A remnant, Loki thought, that had seeped through the memory wipe. He’d never liked his hair long, and had put it down to his hair being a curly mess if he left it untamed. But, maybe it was because of the other him, the one that had kept his hair short so it wouldn’t catch in his helm. He’d mentioned it to Fenrir one time, when other Loki had been putting plaits in Fenrir’s fur, lamenting the fact he could only do short ones in his own hair too.

He was also feral in a way that Loki had never thought he could possibly get. There was a desperation behind his eyes, one that spoke of hard times. He had the look of someone who would do anything so long as he was still breathing by the end of it. 

While Loki could be argued to be the same in that remark, he hadn’t been born that way. He hadn’t fought his way through life like this man had. Until a few years ago the most danger Loki would face was if Thor decided he wanted company on one of his adventures. Even then, Loki was so sure of himself and Thor’s abilities that he hadn’t once feared they wouldn’t come out of this for the better. That Loki didn’t look like he’d had a Thor to rely upon. Just himself.

It was probably why he was so cold to Fenrir. There was affection there, yes, but not how Loki thought there would be. From what Loki read about Fenrir’s creation, the boy had been brought into the world willingly. Yet, every time in their early acquaintance, all Loki could see on his own face was fear. 

The fear of knowing too, not just of what he’d created. He looked at Fenrir with such fright that Loki knew his past self had known about Ragnarok, about Fenrir’s role within it. It made him question, if this Loki knew about Fenrir before he was born, if he’d known what birthing the boy would set in motion, why did he lie with Angrboda?

Fenrir couldn’t answer that. He’d never met his mother, he’d told Loki, and his memories proved so. 

He had met Thor however. More than at the time of his death.

In Fenrir’s memories Thor was Loki’s keeper. Or, that was how it appeared. Fenrir and Loki would be happily tromping around the woods and suddenly Thor would appear, carting Loki off back to the palace. That, or, Loki would turn in early, spouting something about sleep, but Fenrir knew, he told Loki, he knew that it was Thor taking Loki away from him. That demanded Loki spend no time with Fenrir. 

Again, whether this was true, Loki didn’t know. 

What he did know was that he wanted to find out more. 

There were other things too. Answers to questions he’d never thought of asking before. It made him sure now, before the world truly ended, that he needed to get some semblance of peace. Some identity that he could firmly call his own. Whether that be who he was before, or who he is now would remain to be seen. But Loki had to go. 

He thought of telling the others. Making his intentions clear. Yet truly he was sure in doing so he would be upsetting whatever peace he d created with these mortals. They hadn’t turned from him yet. But the idea that Loki was leaving them might. They may imagine that his absence is because he’s sure his trick had worked, whatever trick they thought that might be. 

So he didn’t tell them.  

Instead he told T'challa. “I need to set foundations before my people come. You understand?” 

He did understand, as any other ruler would, and nodded. “I’ll keep things running smoothly here.” Since he, at least, would give Loki the benefit of the doubt.

“My brother will put up a fight,” Loki warned again. “But he must see reason. Even if you imagine my tale false, isn’t it better to be safe?” 

He clasped Loki s hand “I already promised you our help. We’ll see this through.” 

He borrowed a Wakandan air ship, the pilot grinning at them from behind the controls. “Should have known.” Loki sighed and took his seat regardless. 

“Steve will be here in a minute. He’s just wrapping things up with Sam and Natalia,” Bucky said. 

“I’m not taking you to Vanaheim,” Loki warned. 

Bucky just grinned again and turned his back. 

Rogers took half an hour to show up. More than enough time for the silence to stretch into impatience. “What, were you getting your hair done while you were gone?” Bucky demanded when Rogers finally did show, bag in hand. 

“Nat was harder to shake than I thought,” Rogers defended, buckling in next to Bucky. “Where to?” He asked Loki. 

“England,” Loki said. 

“Not New York?” Rogers checked. 

“Magni and Modi could do with some more time among you mortals.” The idea that they were hostages was unspoken to everyone. So long as they were on earth, and Loki had already shown his hand he wanted them well, Loki would play ball. 

The aircraft lifted off, Loki waving to Fenrir who was another hostage Loki was loathe to leave behind. He had to however. He’d proven he was able to care for himself but Loki just didn’t want him to. It was better for him to remain in Wakanda until Loki returned than journey with him to Jotunheim. Fenrir would benefit from it too. Shuri had promised to school Fenrir as best she could in Loki’s absence. Not to an Asgardian standard but it was better than nothing.

“Any reason why you two volunteered to chaperone?” He asked around hour two of their flight to England. 

“I wanted to see these fancy realms you’re always comparing ours to,” Bucky said. 

“I’m just keeping an eye on you.” Which was honest at least. “Besides" Rogers tacked on, “You said Bruce was with Thor. One of us is going to have to bring him home when he lands.” 

Loki looked over the two men carefully, noting the firearms at Bucky's side. “You know I’m not going to Vanaheim, don’t you?” 

“Not right now,” Rogers agreed. “But you will at some point.” 

Which, Loki supposed was true. However, he’d hoped on going back to Midgard before that. Maybe stopping by Asgard too and seeing if there was any nook he could hide away in should he do something stupid and upset Thor. He also had to fetch Sif.  He kept forgetting about Sif. 

“Fine but remember I warned you should you happen to complain.” 

It wasn’t the worst thing to be travelling with mortals. They could always come in handy. He knew a few places that would trade a hefty sum for some able bodied slaves if worse came to worst. 

They stopped in England against a patch of remote land. It took Loki an hour to figure out where they were, and even longer to find where he had previously anchored the boat. 

They weren’t impressed. All the while Loki set about putting his precious boat in the water he heard the other two muttering about ‘space and disappointing technology. It’s like they had forgotten this was all that was left after Ragnarok. Excuse Loki for not asking Hela to keep one of the more lavish boats intact just for him. 

He set them at the oars in a little bit of vengeance, watching them use their enhanced shoulders to row them a good deal out from England and towards the south east where the veil lay. Only when they were too exhausted to even talk to each other did Loki flick his fingers and sent a gust to the sail that made rowing inconsequential. 

“Couldn’t have done that to begin with huh?” Rogers panted, back against the carved snake that lay at the helm. 

“You’re the one who started rowing. Don’t blame me for making you feel useful.” 

Rogers slumped against the wood, Bucky not far behind him. They slept most of the night away. The morning too when all land around them had gone, Rogers especially looking a little green as they swayed into deeper waters. 

“Not much of a sailor Captain?” He had a whole number of quips at the ready. Most of them due to the title Rogers wore and it’s usual connotation to the sea. 

Yet he refrained when Rogers huddled a bit further into the middle of the boat. “Wasn’t really much of anything at one point.” 

Whatever was eating at the Captain wasn’t affecting Bucky much. Without having to row Bucky spent his free time at the front letting the air sweep his hair back. “He would have made a great Einherjar,” Loki heard himself say around late evening. Bucky had still yet to move, their boat making further waves to their destination. He didn’t know why he was striking up conversation. Frankly, had they spent the next few weeks in silence Loki would have been more than pleased. But something about Bucky's stillness unnerved him. It truly did remind him of home, and that alone had him wondering what this man had went through. “He mentioned brainwashing,” he murmured lower to the Captain. 

“Yeah,” Rogers said slowly, looking a little lost with the sudden amiable conversation. That or his sea sickness was just making him pull his face. Or whatever it was that had him too refraining from badgering Loki like he had done in Wakanda. “Bad guys they were.” 

Loki hummed in consideration. “Depends which side you’re on I suppose.” 

“They were bad guys,” Steve insisted, that familiar curl to his lip that Loki had seen more than once when he was working himself into a mood. 

“Fine,” Loki conceded, not really itching for a fight right now. “But just know that if what was done to Bucky is what I think it is, those methods aren’t solely enforced on earth. In fact, I wonder where your people even got such ideas from in the first place.” 

He wasn’t trying to be secretive, so Rogers caught the implication in Loki’s tone. It still took him a moment to pose “Asgard?” as if the notion was completely absurd to him. 

Then again, why wouldn’t it be? “I suppose Thor painted our home realm as some sort of utopia. Where the people are happy and want for nothing.” 

Rogers tilted his head slightly, “Kind of yeah. You’re saying it’s not?” 

“I’m saying that it was. In parts.” He knew of nobles that had went their whole lives wanting for nothing. They wanted a new woman in their bed every night, they got it. They wanted money, they got that. A hall, children, recognition from the Allfather, it was theirs. The price for such things were barely anything either. Just their silence  and their cooperation when the time came that Odin would need their support. 

“I’m guessing it wasn’t to you.” Rogers said, nodding his head back the way they came, “I mean...” He implied. 

“My life before I came here was idyllic. Would that I could return to such a time. I had strife. But it was nothing more than being one of Thor's companions on some quest or another. The injustice I had been subjected to my entire life wasn’t made known until not even a week before I left Asgard.” And still it was coming. More and more lies. He couldn’t see an end for him anymore, not like he once could. Instead, in front of him was a vast nothingness of chance and pure luck. “But that wasn’t what I was referring to. Our guards, the ones that were taught to stand and watch rather than go off and defend. They are- were- put through extra training to, help them we’ll say, fulfil their full potential.”

Rogers’ eyes narrowed, flickering all too quickly Bucky’s way before focusing once more on Loki, “What kind of training?”

“Extensive.” He’d been too curious as a young boy. What he could remember of being young anyway. He’d fancied himself a noble warrior when mother eventually pushed him away from her skirts. He’d told her, one day, he would be the best warrior the nine had ever seen, not knowing then that title would go to Thor. 

“Even better than the guards?” She’d asked, in that way of hers that told him she was laughing at him on the inside, but kind enough to not do it outside. It wasn’t in malice after all, she just found certain things him or Thor told her hilarious.

“Of course.”

His mother had hummed at that response, letting them walk off their usual path among the flowers until they could peer behind a corner to where two guards were stationed. “You know Loki, your father doesn’t let just anyone become a guard. The focus it takes to stand and forever watch in the same position day after day, hour after hour, is something that would drive a normal man mad.”

“I could do it,” Loki said, naive that he was. 

“You couldn’t,” Frigga had said, no doubt in her voice that she was right. She softened the blow by dragging him in to kiss his cheek. “Darling I wouldn’t want you to. Your father practically unmakes these men in order to guard us. It’s not a life for someone as restless as you.”

He’d still been curious despite her words. One afternoon while Thor had distracted their tutor by throwing a tantrum that drenched the paper they were using, Loki stole off to the training grounds. Then further in, to the building that housed the newest trainees hoping to make it at the palace.

The barracks were full of the potential guards, their training done at random parts of the day. Loki had never truly thought about when specifically, all he knew was that they would be here when he sought them out now.

He learned a lot that day. He learned that the dead eyed look in those men’s eyes, how they sat there and watched even at rest, wasn’t because they were being thorough in their job. They had no job. What Odin did to them, it was their lives. He broke them down into nothing. They were nothing. Not unless Odin wanted them to be.

They didn’t hear unless they needed to. They didn’t speak unless they were ordered to. Their actions were, robotic, the Midgardians would call it. They moved with the single minded purpose they had been gifted with. That had been tortured into them.

Their families were compensated for it greatly. With screams sounding in his ears still Loki had sought them out to ask how they could stand to have this done to their loved ones.

They didn’t care, it turned out. The money kept them happy, and ‘shouldn’t prince Loki be happy their boy was looking after him?’

Asgard had perfected the art of unmaking a man. Midgard, children that they were, it made Loki’s skin crawl to think of the rudimentary ways they would try and replicate what they had been taught.

Which they had been. 

“Tell me,” Loki said when Rogers still looked expectantly at him, “Where did your scientists stumble upon the idea of an enhanced being?”

Rogers mouth floundered for a few moments as he thought. “I… don’t know. Erksine never said. And Red Skull definitely wasn’t saying anything in the middle of the War. Why?”

Loki’s mouth twisted, “Just trying to figure out when my father decided would be a good time to bestow this idea to your people.”

“You think Odin gave them the idea of the super soldier?” Even as he asked Rogers mouth was quirking into a smile.

Funny he thought that idea was, yet, “Enhanced strength, keener senses, a healthy body. Sounds a lot like an Asgardian to me.”

That smile dropped slightly, “And why would Odin give us this idea then? If he did?”

Loki shrugged, “Odin does a lot of things because he’s curious. With Ragnarok coming, he was most likely wondering how far your species could evolve before the end took us all.” That, or Odin was planning to relocate to Midgard. It would be just like him to escape Ragnarok, trading Asgardian secrets to longevity in exchange for refuge.

Quite frankly, what else Odin may have sold to the Midgardians was questionable, and he wasn’t the only one thinking so as Rogers turned his gaze back to his friend once more. 

The boat rocked and on they went. Bucky turned from the mast when Loki called him for supper, life back, once more, in his eyes. Their meal was nothing more than what Loki had managed to stow away in Wakanda, and while Loki knew his own appetite was large, he hadn’t been expecting these mortals to be the same.

Then again, he thought, they were enhanced. Their bodies needed fuel to keep up with all of their extra capabilities, and if they truly were modelled on Asgardians, their appetites would reflect that too.

“So what are we expecting?” Bucky asked, the warmth he’d had, even on their plane to England, still absent. It was startling to say the least, mostly because Loki wasn’t used to there being another side to men with ice in their eyes like Bucky.

“In terms of what?”

“In terms of hostiles,” Bucky said, his words short, clipped, mind already ahead of his mouth. “You mentioned a sister. What kind of weapons does she favour?”

Ah, yes, he did mention Hela. “She won’t be a problem to us.”

“You sound certain about that,” Rogers said, “I thought you told us she was the goddess of death, the whole reason you had to destroy Asgard in the first place.”

He did say that too. “I er, may have made some mistakes about her.” A lot now that he’d had time to think about it more. “She won’t harm us when we pass through anyway. Her goal was Asgard and, well, she has it doesn’t she. What use would it be to kill us?”

His companions shared a look, not unlike the ones Magni and Modi gave each other. They obviously thought different to Loki, and usually Rogers would tell Loki so. Yet, here he was, holding his tongue. My how times really have changed.

Regardless of what Loki told Bucky about Hela he still insisted on a full brief about the goddess. What she looked like. What her powers were. Even the weapons she used, he seemed fixated on those. 


	45. Chapter 45

Steve had Loki talking until it was well past nightfall, and by that time all of them should have been sleeping soundly if they didn’t want to waste half a day tomorrow. He refused to engage again when the stars came out. The other two may be able to sleep, but if they wished the sails to blow themselves they would damn well learn to leave Loki be for a few hours. So no matter how much Bucky hissed “You awake”’s at Loki’s back, he did his best to ignore and slip into sleep.

He must have succeeded since daylight was on his cheeks when he woke. That, and Bucky was no longer hissing at him, more at Rogers as the two did their best to tip toe around the front of the boat. 

“-let your hackles down Steve, he’s not gonna jump us,” Bucky said. 

“Says you,” Rogers snorted. “And my hackles are not up. Even if they were, they have a right to be. You didn’t see Buck, he almost levelled New York.”

“Because some other guy told him to,” Bucky pointed out. It took Loki a moment to realise the man was defending him. “I told you before, I think that part’s the truth. He gets this look…”

“He’s good at manipulating.”

“No,” Bucky said, “You said he was good at talking. He used that staff thing to manipulate. ‘Sides, some things you just can’t fake.”

“So you trust him?” Rogers demanded.

Bucky snorted this time, Loki hearing his boots scrape against one of the seats. “Course not. But I don’t trust anyone these days.” The scraping stopped. “It’s not about trust anyway. It’s about being useful. It’s not like these other realms are gonna know my trigger words, so I may as well do something other than sit there and be useless.”

“You’re not useless,” Rogers sighed. “Fighting’s not all that you’re good for.”

“Yeah it is,” Bucky said quietly. “It’s always been what I’ve been good for.” 

There was a silence between them that stretched. Long enough for Loki to consider getting up from his uncomfortable drool puddle on the deck and get about setting course to Asgard once more. It wasn’t like he had to keep lying there. He didn’t care if two mortals thought him listening in to their conversation. 

Then again, he was trying to make nice so they wouldn’t end up smashing a shield on his face while he slept so, Loki stayed put a few moments longer before making a show of stretching. When he peeked his eyes open, Rogers looked moments away from telling Bucky something. Whatever it was would be lost forever however as Loki flicked his fingers and started their sail again.

“We’re going to have to fish for breakfast,” He told them, and ended up doing the majority of the work again since neither of the others could turn into something capable of catching fish.

They reached Asgard after a few more tense days of living around each other. Bucky grew more silent by the minute, and by the time they were popping out of the veil into Asgard he’d taken to stroking the knives he kept hidden on his person, that same absent look on his face no mortal should have.

Even at its bare bones Asgard was beautiful. He heard the other two agree as their breaths halted in their throats. The colours were brighter, the air cleaner, even the water beneath their boat was blue in a way that no Midgardian sea could ever hope to be like. 

The fish still lived, and since there wasn’t a notable decline since last Loki saw them it was safe to say Hela hadn’t culled them in a fit of absent rage. Most likely she had been fishing as Loki and his party had done before reaching the docks. A novel concept really as Loki tried to imagine just how Hela ate. 

Did she use utensils or her bare hands? Did she even cook the meat or eat it raw?

He didn’t know if he ever wanted to find out.

The docks were clear. As far out as Loki could see there was no one. He didn’t know if that was a good thing or not.

He considered getting out. Perhaps swimming a few feet from the shoreline and walking their way around to the mountains like Loki had before. But, well, they needed the boat now it wasn’t just Loki travelling to Jotunheim, which meant walking on the shores of Asgard would have to wait a while longer.

With one last regretful glance at the wooden dock he turned the boat eastwards and started taking it across the silent sea.

He said silent, had he not companions Asgard would be void of all noise. Birds no longer sang, no doubt caught in Sutur’s fiery rage. The trees didn’t rustle, the wind seemed to have passed away. Even the waves they rocked across were silent, Loki’s boat cutting a clear path across a sea that had never been this gentle in his lifetime.

“-believe these colours?” Rogers marvelled. “I’m so glad that machine fixed my eyes Buck.”

“Fixed a lot more than your eyes pal. But yeah, it is something.”

He drowned most of their conversation out. He didn’t particularly want to hear their take on Asgard. Not when it was so decrepit. They hadn’t seen the wilds with their trees that stretched far above any on Midgard. They hadn’t known the palace that lived within it, that was born on the rocks and barren soil of Asgard because no early man wished to cut down that which made Asgard beautiful. They hadn’t seen the gold that glimmered a colour even Loki couldn’t describe when the moon hit off its topmost spire at midnight. 

They hadn’t seen Asgard. Not Loki’s Asgard, and he didn’t have the strength to say so right now either. So he kept silent, still, and watched the water with its last signs of life as they journeyed towards the mountains.

Save the commentary from his companions, the journey was uneventful, if a little depressing. The first time around, Loki had been too consumed in his own mind to truly look at what Asgard had become. To actually feel and see that it was no more. Now he could, and he didn’t like what he saw.

Truly he was rather glad when they stepped into Jotunheim. What he would find here would be far from happy, but, in comparison to looking at a home he had lived in for more than a thousand years reduced to nothing but barren soil he took confusion and anger over that void any day.

Their things were still in the palace when Loki led his two mortal companions to Laufey’s rooms. The furs they couldn’t bring were right where the twins had left them. Even the fire pit Loki had managed to build was intact, which didn’t sit right in him the longer he looked at it.

“I’m beat,” Rogers sighed, tossing his boots off as he lay on one of the furs. From the look on his face, he quickly regretted losing that extra layer between his feet and the cold.

Thankfully his friend had some sense as Bucky kicked them back Rogers way. “Back on you moron,” he ordered, sitting as close as he could to Rogers, “I’m not nursing you back to health if you get sick. Got enough of that when we were younger.”

“You never said you minded,” Rogers said quietly, Loki sending his eyes skyward at their ridiculous conversation. Was Rogers even aware of the sultry tone in his voice or was he subconsciously putting it on? Loki didn’t know, nor did he wish to.

Especially since Bucky was just as hopeless sometimes as he matched the good Captain’s gravel. “Nah,” he said, “I didn’t. But you were much more malleable back then bud. Metal arm or not you weigh a tonne these days and I ain’t hauling your whining ass onto that massive bed if I don’t have to.”

Loki cleared his throat, watching the two of them inch that little bit further apart at the noise, “No one is taking that massive bed but me. Now if you’re quite done yammering on, I’m going to fetch food and see just why my skin is crawling.”

It was. That sense that something wasn’t right was rolling right through his system, making Loki’s hands inch towards each other as he tried to rub the feeling out of them. 

He’d been gone for almost two weeks, longer if he was counting the travelling time. Their space should have been disturbed by the creatures that had taken up residence in the palace. It wasn’t merely something he was saying either. They should have disturbed Loki’s room. The twins had left meat behind, loathe as any of them were to do so. Yet there it sat, the first thing Loki had spied when he entered into this place. Untouched it was, with not even a chunk in the ice that coated it to suggest something had tried to gnaw its way to the centre.

He did a cursory sweep of the palace and found nothing out of the ordinary. He relayed as much to the other two when he got back.

“That’s good,” Rogers said, “Right?”

Loki deliberated for a moment before agreeing. It was good, in a way. Besides, it wouldn’t do to alert the mortals that something else might be afoot. How else would Loki get two tasty and loud sacrifices if something was hiding in wait to ambush him. Best to say nothing and let their screams wake and warn him if something like that happened through the night. 

Speaking of, “We should get some sleep. Or, I should. You two do what you like so long as you’re quiet about it.” If they started humping in the middle of the floor he would be extremely displeased. Mostly because he wasn’t invited, but slightly because he truly was tired and he really didn’t like feeling like his skin was about to come off if something didn’t happen and fast.

He changed shape as he fit himself into the large pillow that served Laufey’s bed. A hare couldn’t do much in a fight, but its fur made the cold that little bit more tolerable. He knew what would render it comfortable, but Loki didn’t even allow himself to turn blue alone nevermind with those two in the room with him. 

Shuffling until his nose was the only thing in the open, he closed his eyes and forced himself to sleep. It was only when he was near his dreams that he heard one or the other below remark much more seriously than they had before that Loki hadn’t come back with food.

“That’s really not good then,” the other replied.

He woke alive. Always a good thing.

Hungry too which definitely wasn’t.

The only food they had was what was frozen, and while they still had fish in their stomachs Loki wasn’t too fond of the idea of melting the ice just yet.

The mortals were sleeping because of course they were. It was freezing here, and enhanced or not the cold got to every creature eventually, lulling them into sleeping until they never woke again. 

He checked their pulses as he passed, rooting around in their packs to tear a sheet from one of the Captain’s books and leave them a note. They shouldn’t get up to too much mischief without him and wasn’t that a thought, Loki being the responsible one for a change. 

He didn’t think he liked it all that much.

The library was untouched, just like it was the night before. The books Loki had left out were still sitting in their pile, and it didn’t take long for him to dig up the council notes. 

Laufey was dead. Helblindi, Byleistr, other Loki and, well, he supposed Farbauti now if that was who had been sitting on Laufey’s throne. But there had to be someone left of his family. He was sure he’d read there were children. 

He wasted hours finding the brief mention of them, and when he did find it, he was saddened to note not one of them would have been old enough to recall what Loki was looking for. Hron, the elder of Helblindi’s children, would have been barely seventy, maybe younger when this all went down, and, well Loki’s memory might have been tampered with but even he knew that he wouldn’t remember that far into his past if it had been left alone. Not now anyway.

The younger of the two was, well, younger again, and if Hron didn’t remember anything then the other wouldn’t either.

Still, it was worth following up. They may not know, but they could be surrounded by people who did. People who were old enough to remember Loki’s time here, or hear the stories that had been told of Loki’s time here. 

So he went searching through the stacks again, and eventually ventured out of the library to the living quarters. It turned out he needn’t have gone far as, when he trudged back unsuccessful after a day looking through abandoned rooms, he found the map he’d been looking for hidden in one of Laufey’s drawers. 

It calmed his tempered mood anyway. Enough that he was content to ignore the mortals who, at this time, had woken and amused themselves with redecorating while Loki was gone.

“Food,” Rogers called, as if Loki didn’t hear him the first time. He kept his back to them still as he looked over a far larger Jotunheim than he had imagined. “Loki, food? Did you find any?” He kept his silence until he couldn’t no more, Rogers growing a spine as he tapped Loki on the shoulder, speaking louder than was needed to repeat, “Food Loki? We’re starving here.”

“Me as well,” Loki snapped. He waved his hand, the ice melting on the hidden meat block, “There’s some kind of rat meat there, have at it. But don’t come crying to me tomorrow if you’ve ran out.” He could last a few more days before hunger became a problem.

“That a rat?” he heard Bucky mutter.

He could feel Rogers lingering behind his back, looming over his shoulder as he, no doubt, deciphered what had Loki’s attention. “Where are we going then?” Came predictably after a moment.

“No idea,” Loki said. He didn’t know Jotunheim. He didn’t know his family. He had no idea where they might flee if something were to happen in Utgard. Sighing, he leant back in his seat, making a snap decision that would get them somewhere at least. “We’ll head east. There should be someone in one of these villages that could have some answers.”

“To…?”

“To where my nephews are.” he dared tha captain to ask anything more. 

He didn’t, smartly retreating to where Bucky was poking the rat meat for the two to whisper in secret.

The map they folded as many times as they could, but, realistically, they wouldn’t be able to use it. Neither of them had the height to fold it out to its proper proportions, which meant referring to it on their journey would merely waste hours they could use to walk. So, as a compromise, they all took turns memorising as much of the map as they could. 

“This probably won’t even be accurate,” Loki murmured. “Jotunheim changes like any land, and there’s always something new growing or being destroyed.”

But they still did it, and, after picking the kitchen clean of its wine and less perishable items, they set off across Jotunheim.

They didn’t even make it to the last house in the city before they needed to call it a night and bunker down. He saw on both his companions faces that this wouldn’t be a quest that would be so easily journeyed. They could be here for months, perhaps longer.

He gauged them from across the fire, “You can leave. That is a possibility. I can send an illusion with you to guide you back if you so wish. You don’t have to stay.”

They shared a look, one Loki didn’t think he would ever share with anyone again, not now they were in Jotunheim, then Rogers said, “We’re staying.”

“Yeah,” Bucky agreed to. “It’s not like we have much going on at home anyway.”

“You may not come back,” Loki needed to say. They had to know that travelling across a land of giants could take longer than years to get to, perhaps not their first destination, but definitely their fifth if things didn’t pan out in their first four. “Do you really want that, dying so far from home?” Loki didn’t, and, according to Jotunheim’s records this was his home. Yet even Loki didn’t like the idea of dying away from Asgard.

Rogers shrugged, “Home’s long gone for me Loki.”

“But you came to fetch Banner,” he remembered, “He won’t be in Jotunheim, and you may not be around when I do decide to venture to Vanaheim.” Thor would take the hint, if it took longer than was necessary on Jotunheim he trusted his brother to be able to negotiate their stay on Vanaheim alone. 

He did.

Really.

Maybe.

Thor had never been the best negotiator. But he was half Vanir so, maybe, that would work in his favour. Perhaps not the rest of the Aesir, but definitely Thor, and, selfish as it may be, that was all Loki cared about.

“Loki,” Rogers sighed, “Look, I did come to keep an eye on you, but it’s not wholly because I don’t trust you. Whether I like it or not Thor likes you and… well, Buck too, and if keeping you alive so you can see just one of them again then I will.”

He didn’t know what to do with that. He could tell the Captain was sincere. He was sincere about most things he said, so Loki didn’t know why he was so surprised yet there he sat, stunned, wondering how someone like this existed. “You truly are a nice man Rogers.”

Rogers shrugged, “I have these powers. May as well use them y’know.”

He did know. “I used to use my magic to help Thor when we were younger. Him and his friends. One thing they’ll never tell you is that I used to be nice to them.”

Rogers smiled slightly, “Actually, that’s one thing Thor made a point of telling us. He loves you Loki. He hated that he had to fight you.”

Loki nodded, shutting his mouth before anything else was shared. He couldn’t be having heart to hearts. Not in Jotunheim. There were other things he needed to find out, and thinking of Thor, of him travelling to earth, to his death, would only make him turn back.

So he turned his back, burrowing into the snow beneath him and willing himself to sleep.

The way was hard, with all of them bickering about directions until a near brawl broke out. Despite Rogers making an effort to be nice that first night he just couldn’t understand how Loki knew the way the stars pointed.

“Because I’ve been here before,” he snapped.

“Once!” Rogers sniped right back.

“Twice,” Loki corrected. “And that’s not counting the time I’m missing. If you can’t accept that I just know, then how about primal instinct? Or, I don’t know, the fact that I’m over a millenia and happen to have come across a few books describing the stars in Jotunheim?”

“Just because you’ve read a few books-”

“Alright,” Bucky huffed, coming between then, “That’s it. Steve, take a breather, Loki, change into something and fly up so we can be sure your direction leads to one of our landmarks.” Bucky waved Loki off when they did nothing but stand there still and glare at each other.

Loathe as he was to follow orders, Bucky had a point, so Loki did as he was bid and flew up to try and see something in this vast expanse of whiteness.

Naturally, there was nothing. Ordinarily, from this high up, Loki should have been able to see something, even if that meant flying a bit further down their direction until something came clear. But here, in the land of giants, the snow stretched on and on with nothing in sight for a bird as small as Loki. Flying further down would do no good. He could be flying for days before he saw anything concrete, and by that time there would be no reason to double back for the other two.

As tempting as it was to leave them, Loki had come to realise he, maybe, didn’t want to travel on his own. Not in Jotunheim. 

“We should keep moving,” Loki said. “I couldn’t see anything but that doesn’t mean there’s nothing there. If I’m wrong then, well, you can tell me so for as long as you like as we backtrack.”

Rogers wasn’t happy. Neither were any of them really, but since splitting up, again, even to them, wasn’t the smartest of ideas, they decided to keep on their present path. Something had to crop up sometime or another. Even if it were the sea, at least then they could follow it to one of the villages signposted on the map.


	46. Chapter 46

Food was becoming an issue the longer they walked. Loki could only do so much by flying above the clouds to get whatever unlucky bird he could set his eyes on. That wasn’t often. 

The animals on the ground were nonexistent. It was strange. Especially since the snow started to shrink down the further they walked. He said shrink, he meant thinned. Loki could kick his foot into the snow and feet the give instead of the icy hardness that spoke of years upon years of snowfall. This snow was recent, not often falling. The only reason it was still there was because the air was icy enough to keep it frozen. Were it not, the ground would likely show dirt, as it did three weeks after they started on this little journey.

“Would you hold still,” Rogers sighed, his hand shaking despite his harsh words.

Bucky’s face twitched, something that would have been a scowl had his face not been programed to stay the same from years of torture. “Not my fault I don’t like knives near my face.”

“Nor that the wielder is so unsteady,” Loki chimed in.

The ground was warmer, the dirt still hard but actual dirt under their backs where they had decided to lay camp tonight. With the warmer air the other two had decided to shed the warm coats they’d been keeping close to their chests their whole time in Jotunheim. Loki had commandeered one to keep his back comfortable, and since he’d traded one of his knives for it, no fight had broke out as of yet.

The knife, of course, was the only one of their arsonal that was still sharp. The other two were wholly unprepared for the outdoors, that much was certain. They’d told Loki, after Bucky had found his knife rusted and snapped in half when he was gutting one such bird Loki had fetched for them, that he often got new ones every mission. During their ‘famous’ war too, the Captain hadn’t held a knife he couldn’t swap if his got too rusty after a few weeks.

Neither of them had known either that the extreme cold was bad for their weak Midgardian metal.

So Loki was rather glad their knives had broken when he saw the Captain approach Bucky with a proposition not long after their light supper. Why Bucky had said yes to a shave was beyond Loki’s understanding, he was obviously uncomfortable with the mere idea never mind the practice. The sharp knife added into the mix wouldn’t be helping matters either.

Hence Loki’s chime. 

Rogers could scowl, unlike his friend, and did so now, his hand notably stilling as he said, “Don’t need your commentary Loki.” It started shaking again as soon as Rogers focused back on Bucky’s face.

Honestly. It was like watching teens attempt to court, and because of that comparison, and how bad this could go as a result of Rogers’ hidden, questionable lust, Loki dragged himself from his nest and shoved the dear Captain out the way. “I’ll do it. Unlike you, I’ve had thousands of years practice shaving my brother.”

Rogers mouth had barely opened before Bucky, eyes desperate, begged, “Just let him do it Steve.”

“Really?” Rogers asked, “You trust him with a knife but not me.”

Bucky gave a shaky smile, “He has references. And I’ve seen you shave yourself pal. Don’t forget you grew your first hair when you were twenty one. I’ll take a supposed thousand years over that anyday.” He took the knife from Rogers and handed it quickly over to Loki. “Make it neat will you.”

He elbowed Rogers out the way, taking Bucky’s face firmly in hand and turning it up. It would be difficult without something to smooth the glide, but Loki had worked with worse. Like mud. That was a dark day.

The first hack was easiest. For him, not for Bucky. For Bucky the pull must have been something painful. But the man grin and bared it. Then the next, and the next, until there was a patch of somewhat clear skin on Bucky’s face.

“You don’t shave,” Rogers remarked after a while. “I’ve just noticed that.”

“No,” Loki said, his hand automatically going to his smooth chin. “Never needed to. I thought when I was younger it was due to late adolescence.” Of course, those memories were probably fabricated. “Then I thought it may be due to my magic. Thor always teased that every time I cast a spell one of my potential hairs were sacrificed.” That garnered a chuckle from both men. “Now I think it’s because I’m Jotnar. I’ve only seen a few, but, as far as I’ve seen, they don’t have hair. Not even on their heads.”

Bucky was looking at him when Loki turned back to his job, those sometimes lifeless eyes gone for a different reason this time. Some faraway look that garnered a grin on Bucky’s face, “Oh my God we’re actually in space.”

“What?”

Rogers laughed like a madman behind him as Bucky’s grin grew dopier. “You’re actually an alien. It’s just hit me. You’re a completely different species to me. Oh my God Steve!”

Rogers laughed even harder.

“I don’t understand,” Loki said, “You know this already.”

“Aliens,” Bucky said to Rogers.

Rogers nodded back, “I know Buck. I was the same about two months after New York.”

Loki didn’t think he would ever understand the awe on Bucky’s face. Having grown up, apparently, with the knowledge that all nine realms existed, the idea of foreign beings didn’t shock him like it was these two. 

Good spirits were good spirits however, so Loki let them laugh, knowing it wasn’t in jest of himself, and scraped at Bucky’s face until the man wasn’t looking too much like the warriors on Asgard.

In the coming days, Loki would remember that laughter. The jokes that followed too. How Bucky was alive again, out of his silent shell as he marvelled to Rogers time and again about ‘actual alien dirt Steve’. He’d recall the peace that came with that joviality. The hunger, sure, but the lack of a timer ticking at the back of his mind.

The one that started up as soon as they came across the first hamlet at the base of a mountain.

The mountains were something to awe at in Jotunheim. Asgard’s were large, even Midgard’s had their attempts, but it was nothing to the sheer size and power this one in front of them exuded. Loki could look up and up until his neck hurt and still see only the base. It was magnificent, and wholly unappreciated as Loki focused instead on the horror that lay beneath it.

Giants.

Four of them, parents and children, all strewn away from their home, racing to freedom that would never come to them.

“Are they dead?” Rogers whispered.

“Looks that way,” Loki said, going over to nudge them just to be sure.

He didn’t have to. If there was one thing he was certainly not expected to do it was check to see if they were still alive. Yet Loki still did it, in hopes that maybe, possibly, the first thing to civilisation they had come to in almost two months wasn’t dead.

But they were. Dismembered and butchered they lay in their own blood, and when Loki looked further, when he abandoned that home to find another, he saw that was the same.

All of them. Every single house in this village. This town, was harbouring bodies. Every street corner, every tree. They were dead. All of them.

“We’ve walked into something haven’t we?” Bucky remarked.

“Looks that way,” Loki said again, trying to wrap his head around how, why, what could have possibly happened here.

They did a sweep, just in case someone had managed to hide. When they were done they met up in the large hall in the centre of the town, Loki helping himself to food that was still good despite its departed hosts.

Rogers turned his nose up when he saw Loki picking at dead men’s food. Luckily Bucky wasn’t so squeamish or Loki was sure he would have gotten a lecture. 

The two of them, three when Rogers’ stomach caught up with his eyes, filled their stomachs in silence, and when they were done, Loki lit the fire and let the other two climb up onto his chair. 

“Do  _ Jotnar _ ,” Rogers struggled over, “Bury their dead?”

“I have no idea,” Loki said. “If they’re anything like Asgardians they may. It depends on who they are however.”

Rogers nodded, feet coming up to curl beneath him.

“You notice their wounds?” Bucky asked when silence had reigned too long between them again.

“Yes.” He had. He’d made a point to so he could figure out just what was going on here. “Small. Pointed, smooth. I’d say a spear.” Especially with the range he’d seen from some of those wounds. They had to be from a long distance throw, which meant whoever they were they weren’t Midgardian. Well, Loki thought, looking at his companions, not an ordinary Midgardian.

“Could they be like you?” Bucky asked, sizing Loki up.

His question had Rogers perking too, a suspicion Loki shot down immediately in his eyes. “We didn’t go any farther than Utgard when I was here last. Besides, my weapon of choice is a knife if you haven’t already noticed.”

“But you’ve used spears,” Rogers pointed out.

“I used a staff. That’s completely different. I have magic too. It’s much cleaner to kill someone with a flick of my wrist than dirty myself with a spear and close combat.”

They were still suspicious, of which Loki could do nothing more about but point out he had witnesses back in Midgard if they didn’t believe him now. Thankfully they left it alone after that, probably because Loki pointed out, as well, that the food was still edible, not only that the embers in their fires looked recent. Naive they may be to most things, but at least they had a collective knowledge about tracking. One that told them this was too recent an attack to be from Loki’s hands. 

Bucky stretched his legs out, hands gripping the edge of the seat, “We need to check the other villages. There was a map in one of the rooms. It shouldn’t take us too long to get there.”

“By too long you mean a few weeks,” Loki snorted. “But fine, we’ll go. There’s nothing else we can do here anyway.”

Nothing but eat their food, gather up what they could carry and get a good nights sleep in an actual bed.

They left the bodies where they were. It would waste time and energy gathering them all up for burning or burial so they just, left them. Loki prayed their souls were in Helheim now, not watching them from their prison inside their bodies. He didn’t fancy fending off a draugr right now.

The thought kept him up at nights as they walked to the next village. He kept thinking, just as his eyes would close, that he could hear something, a footstep or a whisper, and back up he would get, clutching his knives and demanding whatever spirit was haunting him to find peace. He woke the others when he did this, none of them heavy sleepers. But instead of mocking Loki like Thor or his friends would do, Rogers and Bucky sat with him, both of them clutching weapons of their own, their eyes scanning with Loki’s the too large trees for signs of life.

The next village they came to was like the first. 

So was the next.

The one after too.

Every one they travelled to was a sea of bodies and empty homes. 

He didn’t like it. He felt like they were merely steps behind who was doing this, and seeing all those faces, not all of them blue, not all of them red eyed, sent shivers up his spine. Someone was hunting giants, and so far they didn’t know Loki was on their tail. But at what point would that change? Would they spare him for his guise as an Aesir? Or were Aesir, Jotnar, Midgardians and whatever else just bodies to this creature?

He found himself pacing in the latest home they’d come to. Thor would be in Vanaheim he told himself mid step. Thor was safe, he repeated again and again, the only small comfort he had after a year of endless walking. Thor wasn’t needed to be worried over now. 

But Loki was.

“Maybe we should stop following them,” Steve suggested. He and Bucky were sitting at the table in their latest home, looking over a map Loki was pacing on top of. “Whoever they are they’re dangerous and there’s… there’s nothing we can do to stop them. They’re taking down giants for Christ’s sake.”

“If you’re talking quitting talk we really are in a pickle,” Bucky murmured. He stretched his back out, one of Loki’s knives, now Bucky’s running along the river they’d been following to get to this village. There were another five before the land turned again and boats would be needed to sail to the islands.

They had talked about going there. Getting ahead and warning whoever was on those islands to prepare for an attack. Only, by the time they’d gotten to here, they realised that whoever was ahead of them would be there well before they would be. Even Loki’s magic couldn’t hurry the three of theirs pace enough. Nothing but a veil would get them there fast enough.

So here they were, talking options. “There has to be a way,” Loki muttered. “There has to be.”

Steve slumped a little more in his seat. All of them were tired, all of them heard the ticking of a clock that counted down the seconds before some other village would end up massacred. “Unless they have a cell phone I don’t see how we’re going to get a message to them.”

Loki paced forward a few more steps before the genius of Steve’s words washed over him, “A cell phone.”

Jotnar didn’t have phones. Neither did Aesir, or Vanir. All realms but Midgard didn’t have need of them. They’d evolved beyond them, and Loki, sheltered lamb that he was in Asgard, hadn’t needed to communicate widespread ever in his life. Not like his father did. Or his mother when she wanted her cousins in Vanaheim to hear the latest gossip from the high court.

“Maybe we could send them a message.” There were a number of ways his mother had taught him, since the ways of his father were always hidden from him. Her ways involved magic, but if they got the job done then why bother worrying about how these messages would be received. “We’ll need parchment and ink.” They would try the easiest route first, then the others just in case.

They scrambled around until they found a roll of parchment that was large enough for a giant to read. Writing large was troublesome, Loki having to pay special attention to his spelling after he got bored writing a letter for minutes at a time. The three of them rolled it up when it was done, Loki hoping at least one giant could read as he set the end on fire and sent it to the dot on the map three villages from their location.

After that, Loki sought out a mirror, and with a spell he wrote his message in the fog he breathed and sent it to a mirror that would be present in that village. He invaded dreams when he went to sleep that night, encountering three giants he told his warning too. The hope would be they would remember in the morning, or have inkling enough of Loki’s warning that he would believe the giants who got Loki’s other messages.

He scryed he sent birds, he even used a double, troublesome as it was, to project himself as far as he could, only getting the briefest glimpse of a giant before he was slammed back into his body and left gasping in his place.

There was nothing more he could do when he’d exhausted every mode of communication that he knew. 

After a nap, and then another when that one didn’t leave him as refreshed as he’d hoped it would be, he went back to the map the other two hadn’t separated themselves from and tried to come up with a plan.

If the messages did get to the giants, then they would warn the other villages, which was a start. It wouldn’t help Loki get to them, but it would give them at least a warning, and with that a chance to run or fight against whatever was hunting them. That left them with… well, nothing.

They couldn’t keep going forward. They had been going forward for a year now and it had gotten them nowhere. Going backwards, without answers, would be the wisest choice. Going to Vanaheim. To Thor.

But going there would mean abandoning this, the chance for answers, and loathe as Loki was to be a hero these days he knew the other two didn’t feel the same way. They would want to stay and fight. They would want Loki to keep going, he’d come here for a reason and it would be cowardly to go back.

So he looked at the map and tried to think. 

With the quill he had to hold with both hands he crossed off their route here and turned to the villages ahead once more. Then he had a thought. “Here,” He circled. It was an island that had been gently pictured on the map. There was a reverence to it. Something that would only be done to somewhere important.

Most interestingly, it was perhaps the nearest village to them. But, because of its placement across the sea it would be last to be visited by this murderer.

The others they couldn’t possibly get ahead on, but this, maybe, they could.

“If we get a boat, or build a raft. Something with a sail that will hold us, I can use my magic to spur us as fast as we can go to the island.” He was certain they would get there at least three months before this creature visited. That meant time to prepare. To visit the locals and listen to them tell him something in the realm of answers to what he wanted to know. “It’ll be our only chance to do something.”

“There’s logs we can use in the fire,” Steve said, scratching at his neck. “We could use one of the tunics,” Not shirt since Loki had made the distinction to Steve within their fifth month together. “To build a sail.” He darted off, as soon as he finished, Steve getting right to it. No need to waste time now they had a plan.

Bucky stared after him for a moment, “You know how to build a raft right?” he asked.

“Me?” Loki speculated. “Of course. We’ve needed them a few times over the years. Why?”

He pointed to himself then Steve, “City boys,” which really said everything after a year of slumming it together. “I’ll make sure he doesn’t mangle the wood in a rough idea of what he thinks a raft is. But you’re gonna have to step in at one point.”

“Will do.”

Right after he made a smaller map on a piece of torn parchment. Just a simple route to get to this island. Whether it was accurate would remain to be seen.

Steve didn’t butcher the logs too much by the time Loki joined them, but Bucky was definitely right that Steve hadn’t a clue how to build a raft or a boat of any kind. That didn’t stop him from being enthusiastic, perhaps a bit too much, in trying to take charge and figure it out himself. 

Loki had shared many exasperated looks with Bucky over the last year, none more so than when Steve was trying to do something he had no clue about. 

He tried. He always tried. But some things Steve simply didn’t know, and that was okay. It was just a matter of showing Steve that.

“They need to be longer,” Loki attempted again, hands firmly by his side. No annoyed crossed arms or pinching at his nose. He’d learned the hard way that looking like he was picking a fight would bring Steve’s aggressive side out. How Bucky put up with it on the regular Loki didn’t know. “I know it looks like they’ll hold all three of us, and they will. But, they need to hold all three of us comfortably. The way they are now we’ll be too cramped to do anything, and, if the waves are too choppy the pressure of all three of us in a concentrated spot, which we will be in that situation, will cause the raft to break. Better to have a longer raft and parts of it to pick off bit by bit than split down the middle and have nowhere to go. Yes?”

Steve took another look at the log he’d dutifully cut for Loki’s approval. “I guess,” He said at last.

“Thank you.” It was good to give him praise. Steve responded well to it. Even more so when he got to work with Bucky so, “Here’s what you have to do. Get Bucky, make him lie down, and you want at least three Bucky lengths of one log before you cut it.” There, that should solve some arguing, and Bucky did what he was told which helped too.

He worked on tying what Steve brought him together. It was difficult with it being just him knowing how to build a raft, but he did it. Slower than he did with Magni and Modi, and they had to carry it the three days it took to get to the sea, but it was there. They made it, and after grabbing rations and hoping the sea would have mercy on them they set off.

Loki’s fastest was probably only a normal speed for a giants boat. A normal speed was good however. Great. It wore him out more, but it meant they managed to get to the island around the normal time a giant would had they taken a boat. 

The island was nothing fancy when they docked. There was sand under their feet, and the air was warmer, as it had been getting the further east they went. There were no homes yet, but Loki was sure they would happen upon them at some point so he just… settled down for a nap.


	47. Chapter 47

He woke to jostling, one of his two companions carrying him up a gentle slope. They were talking, as they usually were when Loki was unconscious or a bit ahead of them on their walks. It wasn’t anything too important, not like it once was. These days they usually talked about what they would eat when they went back to Midgard. They liked the travelling, they made a point of saying that to each other again and again. In fact, Steve had mentioned once he liked travelling in Jotunheim more than he enjoyed Midgard sometimes. It was simpler here. More like what he was familiar with. Bucky enjoyed the simplicity too. Mostly he enjoyed there were no Midgardians around that could potentially murder or ‘trigger’ him.

“Maybe we could get a farm,” Steve mused. “Some animals, a tractor. No one around for miles.”

“I’ve stayed in a farm a few times,” Bucky said, his tone warning Loki more than it did Steve that this would be an unhappy story. “Hydra had bases hidden inside some of them. Other times I’d stake them out. You’d be surprised how many people retire to a farm.”

“Right,” Steve breathed, voice sounding anything but right.

Loki found himself dropped after a few more steps, Bucky, who had been carrying him, gave him a small smirk. Payback for the time Loki did the same a few weeks prior.

“Anything?” Loki grumbled, stretching the kinks out of his back.

“Just trees,” Bucky said. “Lots and lots of trees.”

He wasn’t wrong. The trees here stretched so large and so wide that it took five minutes to pass just one of them. The foliage was overpowering too, Loki having to use his magic and knives more than once to cut himself out of it.

They made camp when it got dark. Out here, Loki placed what had been missing in the other villages and towns they had visited. Noise.

The noise of life. Of birds in trees, and animals rustling about. Of bugs under rocks and flies buzzing around. He’d never realised how much he’d been missing these sounds until they came to somewhere that wasn’t devoid of it.

“They’re killing the wildlife too,” Loki said.

“I noticed that too,” Bucky said. “We shouldn’t have had to scavenge like that, even if this is an alien planet.”

The reason for why they were killing animals escaped him. Giants, Loki could understand. He’d come up with theories over the last year about who or what might be destroying these people. His main theory was it was an Aesir. An Aesir or Vanir with ties to Thor or the palace of Asgard. No one else, except those in Thor’s inner circle, would have a grudge so strong that they would go out and murder a whole race of people. It was possible, that someone that had known Thor before his whole ‘acceptance and forgiveness’ change would have heard his words and took them to heart. That they had been planning this for a while. Perhaps followed Loki to the veil and struck while Jotunheim was weak and recovering. 

He couldn’t think of anyone else it could be, truthfully. The other realms had never hated Jotunheim like Asgard had. Really, the rest of the realms hated Asgard. They had cause too. But Jotunheim they had no quarrel with. They had no war with them. No strife, no trade. Jotunheim had done nothing to them, and to realms that were once under a tyrants rule, that was just fine with them. They had bigger things to worry about. Like what Odin’s next mood meant for them.

“Maybe they’re running,” Steve said. He was doodling with a stick, basically a toothpick to a giant, in the dirt, the images of the birds Loki had dragged down for them to feast on. “I mean, we haven’t seen any bodies have we? Just the giants. They could be running. If they’re anything like Fenrir-”

“They’re not,” Loki said immediately. “Fenrir is… he’s not an animal.”

“No offence-” Bucky elbowed Steve before anything more could be said. 

Soothing the way, as Bucky usually did, the man said, “You don’t have to explain anything else. And they’re not running Steve. Whoever this is, they’re going after the animals in their dens. Just because we haven’t come across any bodies doesn’t mean they’re not there.”

Steve sighed, “I just don’t see the point,” his foot scuffing the images he’d sketched into the earth. “Why animals. Why kill anything here. What’s their purpose for doing this?”

“We’ll find out,” Loki promised. “That’s why we’re here. This is a sacred place for the Jotnar. And so long as we can convince them to listen to us we can face whoever this is and ask them in person what their purpose is.”

“Wish I’d brought more guns,” Bucky said, leaning back on his hands. Their guns had lasted them until the four month mark, in which the rust from weeks in the cold got too unsafe for them to use. Their bullets they spent helping Loki shoot down food, and since they hadn’t encountered anything hostile so far, they had seen no point in carrying around dead weight when Loki could hand them a knife or fashion it into a spear.

They camped four more times before the trees thinned out and a row of homes appeared. They were circular in their placement, and at the centre a staircase that descended down instead of up. There was no one here, which had Loki checking the houses for bodies. 

Yet every home he looked in showed no bodies, no blood, no sign of strife or battle. 

“I have a bad feeling about this,” Steve said when they met up. 

“Seems like a trap,” Bucky agreed.

“But for who is the question,” Loki mused, stepping closer to the staircase that was practically calling his name. He knew here, somewhere, there would be a trigger. Either an alarm or a trap of some kind. Something to keep him contained or call for help. Yet he stepped further forward instead of away, ignoring the other two calling him an idiot. “We won’t get answers unless we meet someone.” So he stepped onto the first stair, and promptly ducked as a series of arrows flew over his head.

The other two had been prepared, watching too many ‘movies’ so they said, and had managed to duck the first onslaught of attack. 

The next wave came with larger projectiles than arrows. This time Loki had to run as boulder growing in size smashed the earth he had been standing on before. He reached the others, shielding them with a spell and waited for the boulders to stop. 

When they did, Loki found himself surrounded, clubs and weapons of all sizes pointed menacingly at his head. He kept the shield up as he stood, “Greetings,” he gave them a grin. Always good to start a negotiation on good terms. “I am Loki, prince of Asgard,” He debated saying king of Jotunheim but, well, he wasn’t so sure they would like that so he kept it simple. 

Whatever he said seemed to be right, as, when he looked up, the giants weren’t looking as murderous as they ought to have been. “Loki?” one of them asked, the voice coming from behind him.

He kept his eyes forward. Any move could be considered a threat in situations like this so Loki kept forward and simply nodded. “Loki.”

A club came eerily close to the top of his head, “You don’t look like Loki.”

Right. Of course he didn’t. He warred with himself for a few moments before dropping his glamour. He didn’t have to look at himself, forced himself not to look at his hands, the way the air seemed to agree with him a little less. He didn’t think about how his sight was sharpened, just on how the giants fell to their knees, cries of joy fleeing their mouths.

“Loki,” one cheered. “It’s Loki.”

“He’s back.”

“I prayed for this.”

“I knew you’d come.”

Well, Loki would admit this was one of the better receptions he’d ever gotten, trap included. He heard the other two behind him stand up, Steve shouldering his shield. The giants were like the others, their blue skin gone in favour of a different shade. Some of them were green, some yellow like a hay bale. One was the colour Loki favoured in his usual form. He’d come to learn over the months that giants weren’t completely what he thought they were. They differed like any other race, only in their case it was dependent on their environment. He wasn’t too sure why yet, but now they had alive, actual alive giants in front of them, they would find out.

“Rise, friends. I’m afraid I’m not here with good tidings. We need to talk, somewhere with a map.”

They were more than accommodating. Once Loki had okayed the other two as friendly the giants brought them to the nearest home, plied meats in front of them, gave them wine that had Loki’s mouth watering and held a map up for Loki’s approval.

He told them, over their meal, about the other villages, the animals, the likely Aesir hunting everyone in Jotunheim. Spearing meat onto his knife he noted the way the giants tensed, looking at each other when Loki mentioned the coming attack.

“You know something,” he said at last. “What?”

The giants knelt again, like they were afraid Loki would strike them down. Such power was heady to the mind. If it were under different circumstances Loki would be practically be purring. 

“My prince,” One said slowly, likely hoping someone else would pick up on his sentence. They didn’t, leaving the first to say, “We may know something.”

“May?” 

“There’s something you should see.”

“Only when you’re ready,” Another tacked on.

“You must be tired,” They continued, and promptly shuffled Loki and his companions to where they kept their beds.

He didn’t know whether they were purposefully distracting him or actually trying to be generous. Whatever it was, he thought they should have kept their little reveal until the morning if they didn’t want Loki mulling over it all night.

The other two thought the same, the three of them lying side by side wondering all night just what this knowledge could be.

He hadn’t slept much, and by morning he was ready to just know already. He didn’t even pull on his overcoat, this island too hot to shoulder something that had been weighing him down for months. So he kept it where it was, and saw the other two shedding some layers as they joined their host for breakfast.

“Later,” the giant said when Loki brought up this knowledge they had. “For now you must rest. We have much to ask you.”

So did Loki.

They rested until resting became a chore. Loki made note when they were being herded here and there how much they avoided what Loki asked of them. How they skirted the subject. How they moved them pointedly when nothing too exciting was going on outside. How they distracted Loki’s companions so much that even if Loki was being particularly persistent he would be pulled away from the conversation eventually as either Steve or Bucky tried to muddle out what some piece of Jotun art or literature they’d been handed.

Which was interesting Loki gave them that. Had they wanted them completely in the dark they would have avoided giving Loki and his companions anything altogether. No books, no art, yet there they were right in front of him. They were folktales sure, but folktales told a lot about a place, and that they were sharing this much made Loki believe they weren’t completely trying to placate him into a comatose state.

He called a stop to it the next day. “We’re wasting time,” he told them when they even tried to make their excuses. “You tell me what you know now, or I’ll…” He didn’t really know what he would do, probably nothing really, but the threat of something happening, along with these people having some prior knowledge of him was a gamble he was willing to bet on. 

Something that paid off too as the giants all went to their knees in front of him, some of them begging Loki to forgive them. The one that had been housing them for the last day was the one to raise his head first, “We beg your forgiveness prince Loki. It’s just, from what we’ve heard, you liked to take a while to rest before you helped your people.”

Oh. “Right. Yes.” Maybe he should lead with the fact he doesn’t recall much or anything of before. Then again, they were compliant like this, willing to not ask questions or worse, question him. “Well, that was before,” He decided on, “And unlike before, Jotunheim hasn’t faced a threat quite like this one. So, since we’re all in agreement that we’re going to try and salvage our people, let’s hear what you know.”

It wasn’t so much words they wanted to tell him it turned out, more, something to show him. They tried to explain it. Mostly they talked about Loki as they fetched his small boots and tried to help put them on him so his godly feet wouldn’t get hurt.

“It was foretold you know,” one of the giants said as they walked out of the home Loki and his companions had been staying in. “Your return. Farbauti tried to tell us you had abandoned us. But us Jotnar, us loyal Jotnar, we knew the truth. We knew you leaving was for the good of the realm. You had done so much for us, and in return we shunned you. You leaving for good was for us to try and carve our own path. But we knew, “ he insisted, “We knew you would return if something dire happened.”

The smile that crept onto Loki’s face was fragile at best. “You put too much faith in me,” He said.

The giant heard nothing of it, “We have every faith in you prince Loki. You brought us the casket. You helped heal Jotunheim, and you’ll do so again.”

Loki kept his mouth shut, a good thing he thought when he looked back to find Steve and Bucky looking none too comforted by the giants words either.

They were led to the staircase. Unlike before however, there were no spears or rocks coming towards their heads. Instead, the giants took Loki and his companions, after much careful asking, onto their shoulders and started down faster than any of them would be able to left alone. 

All Loki saw for a while was darkness. The stairs were narrow. Too narrow for torches or scones. The only reason these giants knew their way down without fault was probably due to the amount of time they had walked them. Which begged the question of why, and why they were here in the first place.

Loki had his suspicions. Usually when something was hidden it had a well of knowledge or something powerful in its midst. The infinity stones came to mind, his magic tingling with the idea. It could be a library too, which Loki would also enjoy. The one in Utgard hadn’t been too exciting. Mostly it was about court, or something in relation to court. Very rarely did Loki happen upon something sentimental. There weren’t even any stories one would tell to children. In Asgard, Frigga had made a big show of taking Thor and him down to the library before they retired to bed, she’d… no, Loki supposed she hadn’t. 

But later, when things weren’t so muddled, when Loki was more sure of his memories, he remembered her taking him to Vanaheim. Him and Thor both. She’d took them to the vast library there and told them to pick out a book. ‘For old times sake,’ she had asked of them, and maybe that was where that memory had evolved from. 

It was a nice memory. One he’d cherished, and at least at one time it had been real.

He heard Bucky make stilted conversation behind him. The man was awfully quiet around strangers. Loki had never thought he would be, what with how they were introduced to each other, and the past year of ribbing he’d observed daily in relation to Steve. Yet there he was, asking how long it would take someone of his size to climb back up these stairs should no one be able to carry him. 

He was looking for a way out. 

A smart thing to do really. Especially considering Loki could turn into a bird and ditch them if something happened beyond their control.

Steve, well, his questions were more about the giants themselves. He was asking a mile a minute questions he was sure Loki had heard Bucky ask the night before. Like he was making the effort of getting answers he knew Bucky wouldn’t be able to ask himself. 

“Different environments,” the giant explained when Steve asked about their different skin colours and textures. “The story goes that when the realms were born the giants were created to build the land, seas and skies. Our powers are connected to the world we are born in.”

“So, the ground we’re- you’re- walking on, that’s a giant?” Steve went on. Loki shifted further back in his seat, curious himself about this answer.

“It would have been, at some point,” The giant said. “When giants die, their powers, souls, seep into the land they were born into. They are a drop in the sea, a pebble on the ground, a blade of grass on a hill. So they say. The casket, the story goes, was responsible for returning us to the land that gifted us with our magic. Then it was taken, and giants remain how you’ve seen them, slowly decaying into nothingness. Did you never wonder why we don’t go to Helheim?”

“Truthfully sir, I’ve never even saw a live giant before today.”

“Course you have,” The giant snorted, “You’ve been travelling with prince Loki.”

“Yeah,” Steve sighed, “But, Loki’s not, well, he’s not like you. It’s different. ‘Sides, didn’t even know he was a giant until a recently.” Loki may have passed off a few lies before breaking down and telling the truth. What can he say? It turns out Steve Rogers is a relentless pain in Loki’s backside when he wants to be, and that’s saying something.

“Well you’ve been lucky anyway,” the giant said. “And so are we. Loki is the only thing except the casket that can return us to the land. He used to perform great blood rituals last time he was here. He healed our sick, and those he couldn’t he gave them a peaceful end. It was the last golden era we had.”

His healing magic had never been that great. To think he had the power at one point to boast about it was intriguing. As was the rest of what this giant was saying. He’d never thought about Helheim, about his end. He’d never heard of a giant travelling there after death, but, really Loki hadn’t heard much about giants. He didn’t think the reason for that, for their absence in songs about feasting in Valhalla was because they didn’t go there. Instead they rotted into the land and…

He felt sick.

All those times he’d thought death preferable to life and it turns out he wouldn’t be making the better choice. He wouldn’t be giving up his strife for a feast and fight at a table with friends. He’d be nothing instead. He’d be the ice under Utgard. The snow raining from the sky. 

He didn’t want that.

It wasn’t fair.

Maybe if he had been brought up with this idea, maybe then he could find some peace like these giants did, but he didn’t, he hadn’t. He’d thought he would live after he died. To find out he wouldn’t-

“Here,” the giant put him down carefully, Loki finally able to see, and that alone may have curbed the vomit threatening to escape his mouth.

They had reached the bottom of the stairs, and instead of gems or books, Loki was met with something he definitely hadn’t been expecting.

Homes.


End file.
